Chapter Text
Nat had reluctantly gone home that night, on account of it being a school night, and there being no real reason to stay. That didn’t stop her from replaying their encounter for most of the evening, and texting Lottie in class the next morning.
Nat: how are you feeling today? still ok?
Lottie smiled to herself when she saw the message, and she tapped out a response, pausing several times to try and find the right words.
Lottie: I’m okay. Just feel tired and kind of hazy.
Nat: alright, i’ll come over an hour or so after soccer and you can regress then. call me if you need anything before that
Nat: or go to the care room
Lottie: Never again lol. I’ll call if I need you, thank you.
Despite her lighthearted tone, Nat’s words were getting to her. She wasn’t used to this, to having someone there for her if she wasn’t okay. Normally, she just had to be okay. Knowing Nat would be there if she needed to regress, made her feel like she needed it now, so she just had to push it out of her head.
The day inched by, with all her classes seeming exceptionally long and boring. By the time she was thinking about soccer practice, she wasn’t even dreading it anymore, because even if it was a disaster, at least it would be interesting.
She caught Jackie before practice, tugging her aside while the others filed into the locker room.
“Hey,” Lottie said awkwardly, knowing Jackie would take the lead.
“Lottie! I’ve been dying to apologize about this. I didn’t ask Shauna to tell me, but I’m sorry that I was being weird about it.”
Lottie was kind of impressed. That didn’t totally fix things, but it was pretty good for a “sorry, but” apology. Plus, Jackie wasn’t really the one she blamed for this, she had just been in all the wrong places this week.
“It’s okay, I guess. I know it’s not your fault Shauna told you. I’m just hurt. And embarrassed.” And jealous beyond belief. She didn’t want to overshare, but she wanted to justify her feelings. “My family isn’t like Shauna’s, they’re a lot more… conservative. I’m not allowed to tell people I’m a regressor.”
Jackie’s eyes widened at that. “Oh my god, I knew they sucked, but I had no idea it was like that. I’ll keep it to myself,” She assured Lottie.
“Thanks. Nat and Shauna know, but no one else. Even if the JVs act like they do.”
Jackie offered, “Well, I meant what I said before, if you need anything, we’re here for you. And I’ll tell Shauna to shut her mouth.”
They both laughed, and Lottie realized she already felt worlds better. “Thanks. I’ll think about it.”
“And Nat better be taking good care of you. We need our best striker ready for states.”
Lottie smiled, and just warmly said, “She is.” However Jackie knew she was, apparently before Lottie did, was a problem for another day.
“Good.”
They slipped back into the locker room and hurried to change before practice started, finding their respective favorite teammates.
Nat cocked her head towards Jackie, her hands too busy with her cleats to point. “How’d that go?”
“Pretty good, I forgave her, mostly. She didn’t understand how things were for me. And she said she’d talk to Shauna,” Lottie explained, her voice low and discrete.
Nat nodded in approval, and Lottie continued, pointing at Nat’s chest to emphasize the words. “She said you better take good care of me.” Lottie’s tone was harsh, imitating Jackie, but she was already laughing.
“Oh great,” Nat mocked, grinning. “Now when the Bobcats kick our ass, it’s gonna be my fault.”
“All your fault.” Lottie giggled, and they made their way onto the field.
Soccer was good, but Lottie was acutely aware of the way Nat was treating her differently. Nat had checked in on her whenever she went to the bench to get some water, and when she briefly tripped during a drill, she popped back up to find Nat already at her side.
Lottie told Nat that she was being weird, and caught Van saying the same thing, but was surprised to find that she actually didn’t mind it. When it was Nat, it didn’t feel like a challenge or an insult, it was that same secure feeling of Call me if you need me. Trust, or care, or something like that. Whatever, if she thought about it too much she would get even weirder than Nat.
Lottie took her time showering, knowing she would have a little while before Nat came over. Her and Shauna ignored each other in the locker room, the other girl being much less confrontational than Jackie. But it was fine, Lottie told herself. Shauna didn’t understand yet, she would apologize after Jackie talked to her, she hoped.
When she got home, she made a snack for her and Nat, knowing the other girl would definitely forget to eat before coming over, and trying to stay busy. Regressing on purpose, especially planned, and with another person, at that- it was super fucking weird. The idea of it was so painfully nerve wracking and awkward, but it also was kind of all she wanted ever in her whole life. It was complicated.
But the way she ran to the door when Nat knocked, smiled back at her, and let her inside, that wasn’t complicated. Lottie loved Nat, and she knew she was safe with her. It would be fine, she reminded herself as they ate their sandwiches, before heading upstairs to her room.
“Um,” Nat stammered. “First, there’s something I kinda wanted to talk to you about.”
“Okay,” Lottie said, giving a grin of amusement at her awkward friend.
“So, I accidentally told two teachers I was your carer, and one of them told me that if I wanted to come see you in the care room again, we would need to make it official with the school.”
To Nat’s relief, Lottie laughed, forgetting what a big secret this was at the absurdity of it all. “How do you do that accidentally?”
“Well, I needed a reason to leave class, and then I needed to get in the care room to see you,” she said defensively. “We don’t have to, if you aren’t comfortable with it, but I thought it’d probably be better than calling your parents if it happens again.”
Lottie blanched, and her smile vanished at the idea. “Oh my god, you’re right.” Apparently, those were the magic words. “I’ll get a form tomorrow. I can do my mom’s signature, can you do yours’?”
“Yea, of course.” Despite their very different lives, they were both familiar with the nuances of having absent parents. “But, anyways, I got you a few things,” Nat said, perking up as she pulled her backpack closer.
“What do you mean?”
“Just some baby stuff.” Nat pulled out a small shopping bag.
So that’s where she was for the last hour. “You didn’t have to do that, I can pay you back,” Lottie assured her, but Nat waved dismissively. Lottie wrung her hands. “Are you sure you want to do all of this?” She asked suddenly, anxiety rising in her chest. Sitting huddled with Nat on the floor made her feel small already, smaller than she wanted, and that scared her.
Nat nodded patiently. “I’m sure. I want you to be safe when you regress, and I’m literally a carer.” She gave a lopsided smile before vulnerably adding, “I need this, too.”
“Okay.” Lottie found herself nodding back before she could fully process what she was saying. “Can I maybe see the stuff you got?”
Nat’s bright smile told her instantly that she had made the right choice, and she felt like she was fighting to hold onto the last bits of her adult mind as she went through the bag. She stared at the items she had laid out in front of her, a little overwhelmed.
It wasn’t much, but it was still more baby stuff than she had owned in the last fifteen years or so. There was a pale pink pacifier, a brown teddy bear, smaller and softer than the one from school, a bottle, adult formula, and a coloring book with a few crayons.
“I don’t know if I’ll be able to color,” she eventually said quietly. “I get too little.”
Nat was a bit surprised, but didn’t let it show. “That’s okay, you don’t need to color. You can just relax. Do you wanna try your paci?”
Lottie blushed furiously as Nat held it up for her, the silicone teat nearly touching her lips. She nodded and accepted it, though, because yea, she did really want to try it. It bobbed in her mouth for a moment before she got the hang of it, making Nat smile with endearment.
A wave of calm washed over Lottie and her posture changed, forgetting the manners that had been drilled into her. This was the final straw, and she let out a small hum of contentment around her new paci, having completely dropped.
“Good job,” Nat said quietly and encouragingly, still testing the waters. “Look at your bear, does he have a name?” She asked, passing the soft toy to Lottie.
The regressed girl stared down at it, then back up at her. Lottie didn’t really understand most of the words, but she knew her friend was always kind and patient with her, so it didn’t make her anxious like it usually would. Nat took the toy back and wiggled it in front of Lottie’s face, earning a sudden squeal of a laugh.
It’s not that she hadn’t believed Lottie, but Nat was still shocked by how young she became. She really is like a baby, she thought, amazed and kind of excited.
Type 2s were by far the most common type of regressor, as that was the age that was therapeutic for most people, and combined with already only 10% of people being regressors at all, it was relatively rare to find someone who naturally gravitated towards an older or younger age. This made it all the more lucky that Nat and Lottie matched, because the same went for carers, most were 2s.
Although Nat was initially surprised by having a unique classification, she learned fast that it was definitely correct. Whenever she caught glimpses of Jackie subtly caring for Shauna, she would get so stressed that she would end up literally just having to leave the room. Jackie wasn’t a bad carer, not at all, but she was still getting the hang of things, and wasn’t close to as receptive as Nat was. Nat didn’t even really like Shauna, and knew the girl wasn’t extremely young when regressed, she was probably around five or six, but that didn’t stop Nat’s instinctual worry.
I hope Jackie brought her snacks this time. She’s chewing on her jersey, why isn’t Jackie noticing? Fuck, did Jackie even make sure she tied her shoes? She’s gonna fall during drills.
It would take her a nudge or two from Van to get her out of her own head, to remember that everyone was fine, and she was the one being an emotionally pent-up weirdo.
She was just as bad- no, definitely worse, around Lottie. And this wasn’t new, for years now, whenever her friend was drunk, or sick, or upset, Nat was there, trying and failing to act normal and friendly. Lottie used to tease her all the time about how she “played nurse”, and now that Nat knew both of their classifications, she only felt that instinct a hundred times stronger.
So having Lottie in front of her as a willingly-regressed baby, trusting Nat to care for, was like a dream come true. It did admittedly, make her feel a little selfish, but she knew rationally that Lottie needed it probably more than she did, and the way Lottie smiled around her paci whenever Nat talked banished any concerns from her mind.
Nat had Lottie sit on the bed and they played with her new teddy bear. Sure, it would be easier to care for Lottie if she owned more than one toy, but when Nat punctuated their games with stories and tickling, it was easy to keep her attention. They continued like that for a little while, until Lottie started to yawn and rub her eyes. Nat smiled knowingly, remembering the girl had been at school all day, probably trying not to slip, and must be exhausted.
“I think it’s time for a nap, little one.”
Lottie fussed slightly, but when Nat laid down, she was quick to follow. Nat held her close, stroking her hair and leaving soft kisses on the top of her head, sighing contentedly. She had been so worried about school, and home, and if she was being honest, about Lottie, these last few weeks. For most, the urge to care for someone tended to be more subtle. It wasn’t an imminent threat, or black-and-white situation like regressing was, and because of that, Nat failed to realize how much she’d been needing this. With Lottie falling asleep in her arms, she felt useful, and important, and loved, and everything else melted away.