Chapter Text
“Be good, kiddo. Send me an owl when you get there,” Sirius said as he hugged Harry tightly.
“Yeah, of course,” Harry replied, letting go and straightening his glasses in a gesture that reminded him forcefully of James.
“Love you,” Sirius murmured.
“Love you too, Padfoot,” Harry said. Then he squared his shoulders and dragged his trunk toward the steaming scarlet engine, leaving Sirius alone on the platform.
All around him, families were saying good bye, and the ones left behind were making their way out of Platform 9 ¾. He shoved his hands in his pockets as he turned, determined not to watch after Harry. Harry was a fifth year now; he wouldn’t be waving out the window like the younger kids anymore.
He left the platform and apparated home to the empty cottage. It always took him about a week to adjust to the quiet house every time Harry left. Flopping into one of the living room chairs, he started out the window without really seeing anything. Loneliness had been his most constant companion for the majority of his life.
When he was growing up in his parents’ house and still had to go back there on school holidays, up until he ran away and moved in with James. When James and Lily started on the Auror force, and he decided against it. When they were killed in the line of duty by some very powerful dark wizards, Sirius and Harry had to figure out how to live without him.
Sirius sighed, running his fingers through his hair. There was a time in his life when he would have immediately looked for the closest bottle of firewhiskey to drown these thoughts, but he went out into the back garden instead. The fresh air hit his face, clearing the cobwebs in his brain like he’d hoped, without the aid of alcohol. He wasn’t much of a gardener, but it had been one of his earlier hobbies, so the garden was alive with late summer/early fall plants and flowers.
Unsure of what to do with himself, he thought for a moment. As much as he tried not to use his animagus form as a means of escape from his more complicated human thoughts, sometimes it was necessary. He concentrated and let his body fold into the large, black dog. It was immediate relief from his more intrusive thoughts. He ran around the garden, wagging his tail as the breeze ruffled his fur. There was plenty for him to sniff and dig in the garden. He did just that, spending a few hours in the sun. But he couldn’t hide from his feelings as Padfoot, the nickname James had given Sirius’s dog form, forever.
He shifted back into his human form so he could cook dinner. His mind wandered inexplicably to Remus. He wondered what the other man did on his farm all day. Farming had never been something Sirius had considered, even when he’d wanted to run as far from his family’s lifestyle as possible. But he could see the idyllic scene of a farm house and maybe an orchard in his mind’s eye. Maybe Lyra and Padfoot would become friends.
When he went to the market on Saturday, he stopped at Remus’s tent first. He could tell Lyra still didn’t trust him but he figured she’d get over it.
“Good morning,” Sirius said. Remus was sitting in his camp chair, reading. He looked tired. When he heard Sirius’s voice, he looked up and smiled.
“Good morning. No Harry?” Remus said, looking around.
Sirius felt a pang in his chest. “Nah, Harry went back to Hogwarts. It’s just me.”
Before he knew it, Remus had conjured a second camp chair and they’d been talking for hours. When either of them thought back on it years later, they could never remember what was said on that particular day, but they both knew it was important.
There was this: “Sirius, what do you do?”
“Nothing. Everything,” Sirius replied flippantly. But under Remus’s earnest gaze he sighed. “I’m a jack of all trades, master of none. I’ve mostly been focused on being there for Harry these last few years.”
“Well, what brings you joy?” Remus asked.
“I don’t think anyone’s ever asked me that before,” Sirius said, a note of wonder in his voice. “I guess…fixing things. Seeing how they work. Improving Muggle items with magic.”
“Ah. Have you met Arthur Weasley?” Remus asked, amused, ready to make the introduction.
And this: “Have you ever been married?” Sirius asked.
“Nope.”
“Why not?”
Remus shrugged. “I’ve always been…isolated. Kind of a loner.”
“Bullshit,” Sirius said, calling him out.
Remus chuckled. He’d gotten every good at evading the real reason for his isolation. “I’ve just never met anyone I wanted to marry.”
Sirius looked at him sideways. “That’s fair, I guess.”
“What about you?”
Sirius shrugged. “I haven’t had many real relationships.”
“Ever been in love?” Remus asked quietly.
Sirius met his eyes squarely. “Not yet.”
“Fancy lunch?” Remus asked, trying to hide the growling of his stomach.
“That would be lovely,” Sirius said, watching him with a soft expression. When Remus made a move to stand, Sirius touched his arm. “I can get it.”
Remus blinked in surprise. “Ok. The Weasleys have these excellent cheese toasties. The cheese and the bread are completely homemade. Take them a couple of jars of jam and some apple butter.”
“Got it,” Sirius said, taking the jars from Remus and striding away with purpose. Remus watched after him, wistfully. Then he shook his head at himself. Get a grip, he thought.
Sirius walked up to the Weasely’s tent and ordered their sandwiches and an extra slice of cheese to take home. When Molly heard he was friends with Remus, she waved away the extra money he’d offered for the cheese.
On his way back to Remus, Sirius stopped at another tent to buy paper cups of ginger beer to have with their cheese toasties. Remus was finishing up with a customer as he approached and spread their lunch on the table in front of them.
“Cheers,” said Remus as he took a bite of the cheese toastie. It was melty and delicious. He sighed with satisfaction.
Sirius bit into his own and almost moaned from the flavor. Who knew a simple cheese toasty could taste like that? The creamy tang of the cheddar cheese, the melted butter, the crunch of the toasted sourdough. It was perfect.
Sirius stayed until it started growing dark, and the autumn wind began kicking up. Remus blinked, probably as confused as he was that the day was ending. He waved his wand, packing up the remaining items. He looked at Sirius, feeling his face grow hot. “You didn’t have to spend the whole day with me.”
“I enjoyed myself,” Sirius said, simply. “Is there anything I can help with?” he asked, as he saw Remus freeze.
There was a man lumbering toward Remus’s stand, with several bottles of potion in his arms. “Remus, I’m glad I caught you,” he huffed. He looked vaguely familiar. “Hello,” he said to Sirius.
“Hi,” Sirius said, still trying to place him. Then it hit him. “Did you used to teach at Hogwarts?"
The man’s face broke into a smile under his very impressive mustache. “Why, yes I did,” he looked at Sirius again. “And you would be Sirius Black?”
“Yup.”
“Horace Slughorn,” he said, putting the bottles on Remus’s table and shaking Sirius’s hand. “Good to see you m’boy.”
“”Same to you, sir.”
“Pssshhh. We’re not at school anymore. You don’t have to call me sir,” Slughorn said, waving his hand. “Anyway. Remus. The reason I was coming to find you is I’m going on holiday, and probably won’t see you before you need this again,” he said, indicating the bottles on the table.
Remus nodded slowly. “I haven’t gotten the new voucher yet,” he said, his voice sticking in his throat.
“No matter,” Slughorn said, waving him away. “Anyway. Good to see you, Sirius, I hope you’re well. Until next time, Remus.” He wandered back to his own stand.
Remus stood there, frozen looking at the bottles. Oh well, he thought. He’d been hoping he could enjoy Sirius’s company a little bit longer before he found out about his condition. Sirius, aware that something had changed but unsure as to what, followed Remus’s gaze to the bottles on the table.
He picked one up and read the label, then looked back up at Remus. Remus was practically hyperventilating, waiting for Sirius to run away in horror. “Wolfsbane?” Sirius asked, lightly. Remus nodded. “Are you…”
“A werewolf?” Remus finished for him, his throat still feeling thick. He closed his eyes for a moment. This was nice while it lasted. Almost like having a real friend. “Yes.”
Sirius looked down again, probably remembering everything he’d ever heard about werewolves. “I guess that’s why you look tired today,” he said neutrally, putting the bottle down. At least he wasn’t running away screaming, Remus thought.
“Yeah,” Remus confirmed.
“It’s alright,” Sirius said.
“It is?”
“I mean…it must be really hard on you,” Sirius said, meeting his eyes.
Remus blinked. “Yeah.”
“I’ll see you next week, ok? Take care,” Sirius said, putting hand on Remus’s arm. Then he was gone.
***
A werewolf, Sirius thought once he apparated home. No wonder he didn’t go to Hogwarts. He’d tried hard to react neutrally, like he hoped people would react when he told them he was gay. No wonder Remus lived alone on that farm so far away. He probably felt like he had to. Even though they hadn’t known each other for very long, he could tell Remus valued his independence. He didn’t want anyone to feel like they had to take care of him. Sirius could tell by the way he talked about the farm, and how self-sufficient it was.
He went into the study, where the wall was lined with books. He selected one and sat down at the desk with it. As far as he knew, this was one of the few books that even talked about werewolves, let alone talked about how to manage lycanthropy.
It was all Sirius could think of that week. He wasn’t sure he gave the most supportive response, now that he thought about it more. He could have been more positive. He could have been…
Sirius sighed. This spiraling didn’t do him any good. He would see Remus next Saturday at the farmer’s market. He would let him know then.
He got up uncharacteristically early on Saturday, picked up two coffees from the truck that parked next to the market and strode into the market with purpose. Many of the tents were still setting up. Remus wasn’t there yet.
So he waited.
When Remus arrived, he looked almost shocked to see Sirius waiting for him, and even more surprised when Sirius handed him the cup of coffee.
“I didn’t think I’d see you again,” Remus admitted, as he tied Lyra’s lead to the table. She wagged her tail and he scratched her chin, grounding himself in her soft fur.
“I like talking to you, Remus,” Sirius said, sincerely. “I don’t think I put my best foot forward last week.”
“It’s ok.”
“No, it’s not,” Sirius said, catching his hand. It was wide and warm. “You deserved better than that and I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it doesn’t matter that you’re a werewolf. I meant that it doesn’t make a difference to me.” Sirius was expecting him to pull away, to retreat into himself. And maybe that was the reaction he was fighting as Sirius watched his expression.
“Thank you,” Remus said, his voice choked.
“For what?”
“Most people don’t stick around after they find out. They say they’re fine with it or whatever…then I don’t see them again.”
“Well, then they’re idiots,” Sirius said, decisively.
“They’re not, they’re just…there’s a lot of misinformation about werewolves…they hear stuff from people…”
“They’re idiots,” Sirius said more forcefully, lacing their fingers together more securely. “And they don’t deserve you.” They stared at each other for a moment before a customer cleared their throat, snapping them back to reality.
Remus went through the market in a daze. Sirius stayed with him again, and they continued to enjoy each other’s company. It was still so refreshing that Sirius was still there. He’d expected him to run in the other direction when he found out.
When they were breaking down the market, Sirius said casually, “I’d love for you to show me around the farm.”
Remus bit his lip. “You would?”
“Yeah.”
“When are you free?” Remus asked, as if he would ever turn Sirius down.
Sirius shrugged. “I’m flexible.”
“Wednesday afternoon? I’m going to pick more plums and apples.”
“Yes. I’ll be there,” Sirius said. “I’ll see you then, Remus.”