Chapter Text
On Wednesday morning, Remus gathered all of the buckets and baskets needed for picking. He also needed to take inventory of his jars, and make sure the plums he preserved were still good enough to make jam. He had a lot to do, but he couldn’t stop thinking about Sirius’s impending arrival. What if he decided he didn’t want to spend time with a werewolf after all? The thought made Remus ache in a way he wasn’t used to. He was a loner after all, always had been. Hope had called him her ‘little lone wolf’ when he was young.
But maybe…he didn’t have to be. Maybe he could let someone in.
Maybe.
He was so lost in his thoughts that the knock at his front door startled him. He opened the door to see Sirius grinning at him from his porch in the same leather jacket and jeans combo Remus had seen at the market. It was almost like Remus couldn’t let himself remember just how gorgeous Sirius was when they were apart because his beauty took Remus by surprise every time they saw each other. Especially when Remus could see the imperfections in his perfect facade - the greying at his temples, the crinkles around his eyes that didn’t always smooth out. Yes, Sirius was someone who was aging like a fine wine. Remus couldn’t decide if he admired him or was jealous. Maybe both.
He stood aside so Sirius could come in. “Good morning,” Remus managed, still marveling at having Sirius in his space, his home.
Sirius looked around, his hair fluttering in the breeze. “It’s beautiful here, Remus. I can see why you’d stay.”
Remus nodded. “It’s the only place I’ve ever lived. I wouldn’t even know how to live somewhere else.”
“How long have you lived alone here?”
“My parents died in quick succession about ten years ago,” Remus said, looking down. He didn’t like talking about it. How Hope had faded away, how Lyall quickly followed her, like he’d lost the will to live.
“I’m sorry,” Sirius said, softly. He reached over and took Remus’s hand, an almost unconscious gesture.
Remus squeezed his fingers gently. “Thanks.”
“Your neighbors are kind of far away…it’s not like in Godric’s Hollow where everyone is in your business,” he said with a chuckle.
“I suppose not,” Remus admitted. “How’s Harry doing at Hogwarts?”
“Sounds like he’s settling in nicely. Fifth year is a big year for exams so things are getting more intense. But he can handle it,” Sirius said, his eyes taking on a faraway look.
“You miss him.”
“I mean…yeah. It’s too damn quiet in our place without him. But it’s fine.”
“I’d guess there’s more to do in Godric’s Hollow than here so…”
“True. Though not as much as London,” Sirius said, sipping his tea. “I grew up there, but I wouldn’t go back,” he said, responding to Remus’s questioning glance.
“I’m not much of a city person,” Remus admitted. “Or a people person, for that matter.”
Sirius chuckled. “We have that in common.”
“Really?” Remus was surprised. Sirius seemed so personable and charming, he figured he was naturally extroverted.
“I find there are very few people I can stand for extended periods of time.”
Silence fell between them as they finished their tea. It wasn’t awkward; on the contrary, it felt comfortable, almost lived in. Remus would have assumed Sirius would want to cover any silence with words. Again, Sirius surprised him.
“Want a tour?” Remus asked, waving his wand and directing their empty mugs to the kitchen sink.
“Sure,” Sirius said, easily.
Remus led the way out to the fields with Lyra on his heels. She took off for the garden in one direction, while Remus led Sirius to the orchard in the other. It was a bright, clear day with a hint of mountain breeze. Sirius’s hair fluttered over the collar of his black leather jacket and Remus had to stop himself from reaching over and touching it. Don’t make it weird, he told himself.
“These are the apple trees,” Remus said, pointing at two long rows of huge trees. “The plum trees are over there.”
Sirius took it in. He knew intellectually that Remus owned a farm, but he hadn’t been expecting the sheer breadth of it. The trees, the animals, the house. It was a lot. He wondered how Remus managed alone. If he had people working for him. If everything ran on magic. Remus handed him a bucket.
“C’mon,” he said, leading Sirius over to the closest tree. He stood under it, looking up at the green leaves, until he spotted a speck of red among them.
“How do you do it? Do you just summon them?” Sirius asked. He’d seen those muggle contraptions, ladders they were called, that were used to make people taller. They always looked rickety and completely unsafe.
“Usually. You have to carefully aim the spell though,” Remus responded, taking his wand out of his jacket pocket. “One time I brought down a whole limb of a tree instead of just the apples.”
“Ah, ok. Precision, then,” Sirius said. He waved his wand, aiming his nonverbal spell at the speck of red and a moment later, an apple bounced off of his head. “Ouch. Fuck,” he swore.
Remus chuckled. “It’s alright, you get the hang of it after a while.”
“I didn’t expect to get attacked by apples during this visit,” Sirius said grumpily. But Remus could see he had a small smile on his face.
“I’m sorry. Do you want to go back to the house?”
“No. I want to see the rest of your farm,” Sirius said, dropping the act and looking earnestly at Remus.
The full weight of Sirius’s stare was a lot. Remus swallowed, his mouth suddenly dry. “Ok.”
They spent a couple of hours in the orchard, picking apples and plums. Next on the agenda was the cows. Remus had four dairy cows living in his barn. He found Lyra in there with them. She barked when she saw Remus. He patted her on the head and offered her one of the small apples they’d picked. She took it eagerly to the corner of the barn and began gnawing on it.
“I don’t think she likes me,” Sirius said.
“She’s a little wary around new people, that’s all. She’s protective,” Remus said, as he checked the cows’ water. He muttered aguamenti and water shot out of his wand into the troughs. “Want to learn how to milk the cows?”
Sirius scrunched up his face. “Um. Sure? I don’t want to hurt them though.”
“You won’t. Come, I’ll show you.”
He set Sirius up on the milking stool and showed him the correct way to grip the udder. Soon enough, Sirius was milking the cow, looking delighted. “See, you got it,” Remus said, as the milk streamed into the bucket.
“Have you ever done this with magic?” Sirius wondered.
“My dad used to, but when I used the spell I found it didn’t get all of the milk out. So I do it by hand. I think it’s actually better for the cow.”
Their last stop was the other barn where Remus made the jam. This he did mostly with magic, as he showed Sirius his process. Sirius watched, fascinated, as the contents of the pots slowly rotated, getting thicker and thicker.
Remus dipped a spoon in and tasted. His brow furrowed thoughtfully before producing another spoon and giving Sirius a taste. “What do you think?” he asked.
Sirius licked the spoon and felt the same flavor explosion in his mouth he’d felt the first time he’d had Remus’s jam. This time it was sharper, deeper. “It’s delicious.”
“Good,” Remus said, nodding. “It needs to steep a little longer. I’ll check on it later.”
Finally, they made their way back to the farmhouse. “Are you hungry?” Remus asked, shedding his jacket and taking Sirius’s. Sirius also took off his muddy boots and left them by the door.
“Yes,” Sirius said. He thought about playing it coy but after spending the last few hours tramping around the farm, he was famished.
“Good,” Remus replied. He went into the kitchen, washed his hands and put on an apron.
“Can I help?” Sirius asked.
“No, you’re the guest,” Remus said.
“Remus. I can help you,” Sirius said, amused.
Soon enough, their dinner was bubbling merrily in a large pot on the stove and they were relaxing with a couple of beers before dinner.
“Where do you spend the full moons?” Sirius asked curiously. From the way Remus bit his lip, Sirius thought he’d said something wrong.
But then Remus said, ”You really want to know?”
“I really do.”
“There are wards around the outer fields and the first few kilometers of the forest. The wards ensure that no animals can get in or out without a human. This lets me bring Lyra with me, and makes sure that as a wolf, I can’t get out into the rest of the farm.”
“Did that ever happen?”
“Once. A long time ago. It…wasn’t pretty,” Remus said, looking away. Sirius didn’t press him for details but he could only imagine the damage a wolf might do to the farm. “So I researched stronger wards and I got Lyra…and now with the Wolfsbane…things are better.”
“But you always go alone?”
“Lyra goes with me.”
“Who takes care of you after?” Remus shrugged. “You shouldn't have to spend the moons alone, Remus,” Sirius said softly, taking his hand.
“I don't want to put anyone else in danger.”
“Can I show you something?” Sirius asked.
“Sure.”
Sirius stood back from the kitchen table and disappeared. A big, black dog appeared in his place. The dog wagged his tail and nudged against Remus's leg. His eyes opened in surprise as he instinctively put his hand on the dog's head.
“Sirius?” he ventured. Remus knew there were wizards who learned how to turn into animals. He'd just never met one before.
The dog barked and sat next to Remus on the floor. Lyra must have heard the bark or smelled another dog because she trotted into the kitchen looking wary. She nosed at the black dog then barked once in a low register. The black dog laid down at her feet, tail swishing from side to side. Lyra retreated to Remus’s other side.
In an instant, the black dog was gone and Sirius was grinning at him. “Wow,” Remus said, looking at him in wonder. He knew becoming an animagus was very difficult magic and was a lengthy process.
Sirius chuckled. “So…can I join you and Lyra for the full moon?”
Remus bit his lip and looked away. No one had ever asked him that before. “I don’t want you to get hurt,” he whispered, his voice breaking a little. “I would never forgive myself.”
Sirius was next to him in an instant. “Hey,” he said. “Remus, look at me.” He looked. Sirius was watching him intently, his silver eyes concerned. “Can we try?”
“How long can you stay in your dog form?”
“As long as necessary…when I was researching about it, I found out that there are people who become animagi and leave human society altogether to live in their animal forms. It really doesn’t matter.”
Remus took in the information and nodded.
“Have you ever bitten anyone?” Sirius asked, quietly.
“No. Fuck no. That’s why I stay all the way out here.” Remus responded in a clipped tone. Everything in his brain was telling him to tell Sirius to run far away. That Remus wasn’t worth it. But what came out of his mouth was, “We can try.”