Chapter Text
Remus paced back and forth, his mind spinning in circles. What was he thinking? Why would he invite an outsider to spend the moon with him? But, the little voice in his head said, he’s not really an outsider is he? He found out you’re a werewolf and he stayed. You already let him in.
It’s true. He had let him in. They had been spending a lot of time together. Sirius had seen into Remus’s world and apparently liked what he saw. And then he’d shared a piece of himself in the form of Padfoot. Lyra watched him from her bed by the fireplace for a moment. Then she got up and trotted over to him, sitting purposely on his foot when he stopped moving. He huffed a small laugh at her as he reached down to scratch her chin.
“Sorry,” he said. “I’ll stop.” He sometimes wondered if the connection between him and Lyra would be as strong if he lived with other people. Maybe it was because he was part canine too. He didn’t know. She looked up at him now through her clear blue eyes, her tail wagging slowly. He sat down next to her on the floor and she crawled into his lap, her warm weight reassuring, helping to diffuse his anxiety.
The doorbell rang some time later, and Remus was ready. The sun was already dipping low over the horizon, the fall shadows elongated over the porch and front garden. Lyra barked once and went to the door. Remus followed, finding Sirius on the doorstep once again.
He looked delicious in ripped jeans and a red hoodie, his long hair tied back in a loose bun. Remus grinned at him as he opened the door, all nerves forgotten.
“Hi,” Remus said, standing aside to let him in.
“Hey, Remus.”
They just stared at each other for a moment, the weight of unsaid things between them. “I’m glad you’re here,” Remus said finally.
“Me too,” Sirius said. He pulled a small object and his wand out of his pocket. With a murmured spell, the object grew into what Remus now recognized as Sirius’s farmer’s market tote.
“What did you do?” Remus asked.
“I wasn’t sure if you’d feel up to cooking…so I brought some stuff to make dinner.”
Remus bit his lip, his eyes filling with tears. Sirius’s thoughtfulness kept taking him by surprise. He blinked them away as he led Sirius to the kitchen.
Soon enough, they had vegetables chopping on the cutting board and sauce simmering on the stove top. Even though he’d never been in Remus’s kitchen before, Sirius seemed to fit there seamlessly, intuitively knowing where things were without magic. Remus boiled water for the jasmine rice Sirius brought and summoned the frying pan to start stir frying the vegetables.
In the end, their vegetable stir fry was delicious. Sirius watched as Remus ate. “I wanted you to have something hearty but not too heavy,” Sirius said. “I read about how werewolf transformations affect the body, and damn. I definitely wouldn't want to eat too much beforehand.”
Remus just stared at him as he processed this new information. Sirius had taken time to read about his condition? “You…did?” he managed.
Sirius looked at him sheepishly. “Well, yeah. There’s just…people are very ignorant about werewolves. It doesn’t seem right.”
“No…it doesn’t,” Remus agreed, finishing his food.
“I wanted to know what it was like for you. I hope that’s ok,” Sirius said, looking uncertain.
Remus reached over and took Sirius’s hand in his. “It’s very much ok.”
“Ok,” Sirius said, smiling softly at him. He hadn’t taken his hand back, Remus realized. But he was starved for contact and the presence of Siirus’s hand in his made something in his heart unknot.
The sunset over the rolling hills and fields of Remus’s farm was spectacular. The sky was painted in vivid pinks, purples and red. When they reached the warded fields, Sirius could feel the pull of Remus’s magic making sure they belonged there.
Lyra stayed close to Remus until they were inside the wards. Then she took off. Sirius realized she was chasing away any other animals that might have caused the wolf interest. Sirius wasn’t sure what to do with himself, so he sat down in a patch of grass, admiring the sunset.
After a few minutes, Remus joined him. “Are you alright?” Sirius asked. He could see the discomfort plain on Remus’s face. It must have been bad if he stopped trying to hide it.
Remus just shrugged. Sirius hesitated for a moment, then guided Remus into his side, letting him rest his weight against Sirius. Remus stiffened for a second, then melted against him. “When it starts, don’t look,” Remus murmured.
Sirius wouldn’t deny him anything at this point. “Ok,” he said, brushing his fingers through Remus’s curls.
When the last rays of the sun were gone, Remus moved to put some space between him and Sirius. Sirius respected the boundary and stayed put, even though all his instincts were telling him to give Remus comfort. Lyra watched alertly. When the moon became visible, Sirius turned his back, though hearing the transformation was probably no better than seeing it.
He shifted into Padfoot as soon as he heard Remus cry out in pain. When it was over, Padfoot turned around to see a large, gray wolf panting with effort. He lied down in front of the wolf, who snarled a little but then nosed at him curiously. Lyra barked once and the wolf nudged her with his snout.
Then he took off running and the two dogs followed him. They ran and played in the field and the forest for hours. Finally, when the wolf was tired, the three of them curled into a pile and slept.
***
Lyra nosed at Remus, checking him for injuries, Sirius realized when he shifted back into human form. When she was done, he was still lying on the ground. Lyra looked at Sirius expectantly. You’re here, so do something useful, the expression seemed to say. Sirius nodded toward the dog and patted her on the head. She licked his hand, finally accepting him in this little pack she and Remus had. He looked at the house in the distance, and back at Remus. He wasn’t sure how Remus would feel physically after the transformation, whether he was mostly exhausted or if he was in physical pain. He didn’t want to apparate them, if it was the latter. So he fished his wand out of his pocket and cast a feather weight charm over Remus, so that when Sirius lifted him, he was nearly weightless. He carried Remus carefully back to the house and situated him in his bed, summoning his pajamas and tucking the duvet around him. Remus never stirred. Sirius would have been worried if Lyra hadn’t checked him over, and if he couldn’t hear him breathing.
Sirius went back downstairs and replenished Lyra’s food and water bowls. She gave his hand a tired lick and went to lie down in her bed next to the fireplace. He went back upstairs to find Remus had shifted, burrowing further into his blankets. He watched him for a long moment, a soft expression on his face. He could feel the exhaustion of being up all night catching up with him but he didn’t want to leave Remus before he woke up. What if he needed something?
He waved his wand at the chair in the corner of Remus’s room so it moved next to the bed. After a couple of different spells to make it more comfortable, Sirius flopped into it and fell into a deep sleep.
When Remus woke, hours later, the first thing he saw was Sirius. He was asleep in Remus’s chair, his head turned to the side, his mouth open slightly. His legs were stretched in front of him, his stockinged feet perched on the bed, crossed at the ankles. Remus almost pinched himself to see if he had dreamed Sirius was here, in his room, but he could hear him snoring softly, see his chest rise and fall. He got up quietly, wondering, now that he was more awake, just how he’d gotten back to the house and into his bed. He usually crashed on the sofa after the moon because he had to walk back from the warded area in the fields, because apparating took too much energy. Taking a throw blanket off of the foot of his bed, he gently pulled it over Sirius, and went in search of Lyra.
Lyra picked her head up when she heard him coming down the stairs and trotted over to him, wagging her tail. He knelt down and scratched behind her ears. She closed her eyes for a moment, resting her snout on Remus’s leg. Going into the kitchen, he checked her bowl and saw they’d been refilled. He bit his lip, his cheeks warm. Obviously, Sirius took care of Lyra when they arrived back from the fields as well. His stomach was grumbling, so he pulled out Hope’s old crock pot, filling it with the ingredients for chilli he’d prepared yesterday. Soon enough, the vegetables and the sauce were bubbling merrily in the stone pot.
Yesterday. It felt like such a long time ago. He’d been so anxious about the idea of Sirius spending the moon with them, but all seemed to be well. Better than that, even. He couldn’t even remember what, exactly, he’d been anxious about.
Once the chili was simmering in the crock pot, he went back upstairs. It looked like Sirius was just waking up. His eyes darted around the room, confused, until he saw Remus. He smiled softly.
“How are you feeling?” he asked, his voice a little gravelly with sleep.
Remus couldn’t contain his smile. “You stayed.”
Sirius stretched luxuriously. “Of course I did. I couldn’t leave you alone.”
“Sirius…I’m always alone,” Remus said, shaking his head fondly.
Sirius stood up from the chair slowly, as if he had to convince his body to cooperate. He went over to Remus and took his hand. “You don’t have to be,” Sirius said in a low voice.
Remus stared at him. He was so close. He reached up, tucking a stray lock of hair behind his ear. “I don’t?” Remus whispered.
“No. You don’t,” Sirius said, running his thumb down Remus’s jawline. Remus’s eyes fluttered shut, his breath stuttered. When he got to Remus’s chin, he slid his hand to the nape of Remus’s neck, where his hair was short and soft. He pressed closer, letting their lips meet in the middle. They both felt an almost immediate electric spark between them as Sirius ran his tongue along Remus’s bottom lip, getting him to open up. Remus let him in, opening his mouth and gripping Sirius’s waist. When they broke apart, they were breathless as they stared into each other’s eyes. This much eye contact usually made Remus want to hide, but Sirius had already seen the worst of him. He didn’t look away.
“Are you hungry?” Remus asked, their foreheads still pressed together, breathing the same air.
“Yeah,” Sirius admitted. His stomach rumbled loudly as if to illustrate his point. Sirius flushed with embarrassment.
Remus chuckled and patted his stomach. “Let’s eat, then.”
They headed downstairs and Remus dished out two heaping bowls of chili, and pieces of the hearty sourdough and cheese he got from the market.
Sirius took a spoonful of the chili and closed his eyes in appreciation. “This is amazing, Remus.”
“Thanks. All the ingredients came from the market.”
“I buy most of my groceries at the market too and somehow they don’t taste like this,” Sirius said, dipping the bread into the chili and taking a bite.
Remus just shrugged. “I’m sure your food tastes great.”
“You’ll have to come over and try it sometime,” Sirius said, offhandedly. But then he stopped and looked at Remus again. “I mean…to compare.” He still wasn’t sure of whatever was between him and Remus but he knew he didn’t want things to end here.
“That would be lovely,” Remus said softly. He reached out and took Sirius’s hand, lacing their fingers together.
***
Hours later…or was it days? Remus didn’t know. All he knew was that they’d each eaten two bowls of the vegetable chili he’d made and were now tucked in his bed, kissing like they needed it to breathe. Remus couldn’t remember ever feeling like this, especially after a full moon. There was something about Sirius that calmed him, healed him. He wondered at one point if he’d been so lonely that it could have been anyone, but in the next beat he decided no, it was Sirius himself, with his soft lips, long fingers and wholehearted acceptance of who (what) Remus was.
And right now, those long fingers were in his hair, rubbing softly against his scalp, those lips were on his, gentle and insistent at the same time. Sirius’s other hand was on his hip, but it was just resting there, not pushing or probing. When they came up for air, Sirius’s grey eyes were heavy-lidded, his lips now kiss swollen, and Remus wanted to bite them.
“Do you have to be getting home?” Remus asked, his voice rasping in his throat. He cleared it, embarrassed.
Sirius didn’t answer right away. He pressed another kiss to Remus’s lips, and snuggled closer. “Not really.”
“No?” Remus said, a little surprised.
“No,” Sirius said, shrugging the shoulder that was not pressed against Remus. “Harry’s at Hogwarts. I don’t really have much to do there, at the moment.”
“Oh,” Remus said blankly. He knew Sirius didn’t have a steady job, but surely he’d want to go back to his own place. But then he remembered other things about what Sirius had told him. About how empty his house felt without Harry. About losing his friends. He must have been as lonely as Remus was.
“Is that ok?” Sirius asked, suddenly sitting up and fixing Remus with the full force of his bright silver eyes, seemingly worried he’d overstayed his welcome.
Remus’s face softened into a smile as he gently guided Sirius back into the side of his body. “Of course.”
“I uh..” he said, running his hand through his hair and sneaking a glance at Remus. “I don’t want to be too needy.”
Remus chuckled. “You literally just took care of me, Sirius. If anything, I’m the needy one.”
“It’s just…like…other guys, I was too much for them or whatever,” he mumbled and Remus’s heart twisted for him.
“Sirius, look at me,” Remus said, softly. He tucked the piece of hair Sirius was using to hide his face behind his ear. “Please.” Sirius raised his eyes to meet Remus’s. “If anything is too much, I will let you know, ok? But this isn’t it. This was the best full moon I’ve had since I got Lyra.”
Sirius watched him closely for a moment. “Yeah?”
“Yeah,” Remus said, wrapping his arms around Sirius and kissing him again, falling back among the pillows.
They fell asleep like that, twined together, sharing the same pillow and the same air. When the sun streaming in through the window woke Remus the next day, he couldn’t move. Sirius’s head rested on his chest, his arm across Remus’s waist. Remus couldn’t remember ever sleeping with someone else in his bed besides Lyra. But his mind didn’t start racing like it usually did with his never ending to-do list. It felt blissfully still and quiet, with Sirius lying against him like a weighted blanket. He moved his fingers through Sirius’s hair, enjoying the way it felt against his fingers. It was as soft and silky as it looked.
He wasn’t sure how much time had passed before Sirius’s eyes fluttered open. It didn’t matter. He’d set the spells to feed his animals automatically this morning as he usually did in the couple days after the full moon, when he needed to rest. He’d go check on them later, he thought, turning his attention back to Sirius who was blinking sleepily at him. Remus smiled contentedly at him. He wasn’t sure if he could express his feelings in this moment. Sirius smiled back, nudging his chin so he could kiss him, morning breath be damned. Remus opened up to him willingly, pulling their bodies flush.
Sirius was warm and slow with sleep, but he woke up as they kissed. Remus was hard, and he would have been embarrassed if he didn’t feel Sirius’s erection against his hip. Sirius slid his hands under Remus’s t-shirt, his long fingers gently exploring. The sensation of Sirius’s fingers on his skin was welcome, setting his nerve endings on fire.
He pressed his hips into Sirius’s and looked at him questioningly. “Is this ok?”
“Very ok,” Sirius murmured, kissing him again, threading his fingers in Remus’s hair. Sirius slid his hands lower, moving over his stomach and along the waistband of his joggers. Remus sucked in his breath, moving into the touch. He wrapped his arms around Sirius’s back, holding him tightly, as his hands roved over his shoulders and chest. Sirius let go of him for a moment and vanished his shirt. Remus’s eyes widened at the miles of ivory skin now on display, decorated here and there with black ink. “Take yours off too, I want to see,” Sirius said in his ear.
Remus vanished his own shirt and tried not to think about what Sirius saw. His own chest was marred with scars from past transformations but Sirius didn’t seem to mind. He took his time, kissing along the different faded lines until he reached Remus’s stomach, trailing his tongue around his belly button. Remus gasped, as Sirius moved lower, his hands anchoring Remus’s hips to the mattress. “What do you like, Remus?” Sirius asked, his voice low and sensual, and Remus almost felt undone by the question.
What did he like? It had been so long since anyone even asked him. He hadn’t had many relationships and his hookups wouldn’t ask. His silence stretched between them and Sirius looked at him with such care it almost took his breath away. “How about if you don’t like something, you tell me?”
“Yes. Yes, ok,” Remus said, forcing himself back into the moment. Sirius kissed him again, letting him know he understood. When they broke the kiss, Sirius slid further down, taking Remus in his mouth. He was not prepared for the wet heat of Sirius’s mouth. He moaned loudly. Sirius smiled around his dick, swirling his tongue along the underside. He moved his hand around to Remus’s entrance and pressed against it. Remus sucked his breath in. Sirius pulled off and looked at Remus’s flushed face.
“Relax,” he said. “I want to make you feel good.”
“I do feel good,” Remus said, threading his fingers in Sirius’s hair.
“Good,” Sirius said, turning his attention back to Remus’s cock, which was flushed and heavy between his legs. He took the tip in his mouth again, and pressed his fingers inside. Waves of pleasure crashed over Remus as Sirius eclipsed his senses. And then Sirius crooked his finger over his prostate, drawing another loud moan from deep inside Remus. He could feel his orgasm building, but he didn’t want to come yet; he wanted to enjoy this for as long as possible.
Unfortunately, his body has other ideas. “Sirius, I’m going to-” he managed but Sirius didn’t pull off, he redoubled his efforts as Remus came in his mouth. He pulled Sirius close, kissing him deeply, tasting himself on Sirius’s tongue. “C’mere,” he said, wrapping his hand around Sirius’s erection.
Sirius’s eyes widened at the contact. “Oh fuck. Yes,” he groaned. Remus kissed the side of his neck, grazing the sensitive skin with his teeth. Sirius shivered, his cock twitching in Remus’s hand. Remus watched the flush bloom over his cheeks, his eyes heavy lidded, his lips parted. “I’m close,” he said, thrusting into Remus’s hand. Remus increased the pressure and soon Sirius was coming in his fist.
He muttered the cleaning spell over both of them and laid back down. They lay there catching their breath for a few minutes. Remus wasn’t exactly sure what to do next, but Sirius pulled him close and kissed him softly. “It’s been a while,” Sirius murmured.
“Me too,” Remus admitted.
“Well, we’ll just have to do it again.”