Influential

The problem is, no one knows how to market Ilya Rozanov's (in his own words) sexy Euro masculinity to an audience of white straight men.

He needs the best. And if it happens to be his secret lovers' mother who despises his very existence, so be it.
+16319607169
See? That is what I need. Do not care that you are not professional. You are best
This is Ilya Rozanov
Yuna
This is a fucking joke, right?

Notes:

(See the end of the work for notes.)

Work Text:

+16319607169: Hello Mrs Hollander; We have not before met, but I am NHL hockey player; Am having big problem with talent agency, and am wondering if you are taking new clients as brand marketing manager; (I hope this is right words, is what Google says); Would very much like to work with you
Yuna: Who is this? I can’t tell if this is spam or not.; Either way, I’m afraid I’m not a professional brand marketing manager, so I can’t help you.
+16319607169: Not spam. Sorry, my English is not amazing; I do not care if not professional. You signed Hollander to Reebok and Rolex before talent agency picked him up. You already better than my “professionals”
+Yuna: That was just to help get his career off the ground. Because I’m his mom. It’s not my specialty.; If you’re unhappy with your talent agency, I can recommend some to you, if you like? I did a lot of research when Shane was deciding who to sign with.
+16319607169: No no, I not want to do agency, I want to do Mrs Hollander; Sorry, that come out wrong. Did not mean to be impolite; Not that you are unattractive; Very attractive; Sorry. Again; I mean to say, have already tried couple talent agencies. They say brands I want do not want me. But I think I need manager who can explain more convincing narrative to brands. Make them understand endorsement would be genius idea. Think I need genius Mrs Hollander
+Yuna: Flattery will get you everywhere, but that’s still not going to happen.; Who is this?
+16319607169: “Flattery will get you everywhere” - I think I understand what this means, but not why you say it?
+Yuna: I said it because I know you’re lying to make me feel good so that I accept your offer.; Who is this?
+16319607169: No, is not lie. Unless is lie that you organized all of Hollander’s sponsorships in rookie year?
+Yuna: Not a lie. Who is this?
+16319607169: See? That is what I need. Do not care that you are not professional. You are best; This is Ilya Rozanov
+Yuna: This is a fucking joke, right?; Hayden? Is that you?
+16319607169: Ewww, no. Not Pike. Is Ilya. See?; [attachment.jpg]
+Yuna: Please don’t contact me again.
+Yuna: How did you get this number?
+16319607169: Do not think you will like answer
+Yuna: Tell me.
+16319607169: Asked Russian SVR to hack it for me; Joke! Is joke!; Sorry, hard to be funny without faces
+Yuna: Tell me how you got this number.
+16319607169: I will tell you after you sign me deal for Super Bowl ad

Rozanov: Did you tell Hollander I want his maman to work with me?; Was very aggressive tonight. Lot of boarding
+Yuna: Of course I told him.
Rozanov: Figured. Not like him to be such a bully; Will need new incisor
+Yuna: Good for him.
Rozanov: Yes, very good for him. Not so much good for me, you know how much dentist costs in stupid American system?
+Yuna: I’m sure you can afford it.
Rozanov: Could afford it easier if I have better brand management

+Yuna: Why is your tooth still chipped?
Rozanov: To make you feel guilty; Joke; Am hoping will get me out of stupid television ad
+Yuna: They’ll just fix it in post-production.
Rozanov: See? I am not even knowing what this word means. I need Mrs Hollander
+Yuna: You need Google.

Rozanov: All better; [attachment.jpg]
+Yuna: Did they make you shoot the ad?
Rozanov: Sadly, yes. Very grumpy Russian with bad tooth, still good for selling sunglasses
+Yuna: Ray-Bans?
Rozanov: I wish

Rozanov: Tell Hollander his backhand needs work
+Yuna: He’s not taking advice from his rivals.
Rozanov: Yes, I know this. I tell him this, but he says very rude word that I will not repeat to his maman; But is true; Isn’t it?
+Yuna: I’ll tell him.; For the record, I have told him that before.
Rozanov: Why you not coach?

+Yuna: Quiznos????
Rozanov: I KNOW; IS TERRIBLE
+Yuna: Who are you with again?
Rozanov: You mean, like, girlfriend?
+Yuna: No!; I mean your agency.
Rozanov: Ah. This makes more sense; Does not matter. I quit after Quiznos disaster; Am very fussy, like diva; If cannot have best, do not want anything
+Yuna: I am not the best.
Rozanov: Do not agree; Definitely the best Hollander
+Yuna: You’ll eat your words when Montreal wins the Stanley Cup.
Rozanov: Why would I eat words? Hate English; But see, this is why you best brand manager; Dreaming impossible dream

Rozanov: Question; Were you born in Canada?
+Yuna: Yes. Why?
Rozanov: Wanting to know if you had to learn English too; Wanting to know how long it takes to be good. Use tricky idioms like “eat your words”; But am asking wrong person; And born in wrong country
+Yuna: Your English is good. Idioms are hard.; Does Russian have idioms?
Rozanov: Yes, many many. But not same idioms as English
+Yuna: You often drop articles. I would say “But not the same idioms as English.”; Focus on that, not idioms.
Rozanov: Is this payback for backhand comment?; Wait; Is this a payback for the backhand comment?
+Yuna: No.; Maybe a little bit.
Rozanov: Is fair. I like to improve; Unlike Hollander’s backhand
+Yuna: You know what?; That’s fair too.
Rozanov: 🤣

+Yuna: Utilizing fiction to promote english language acquisition ↗️
Rozanov: Mrs Hollander; This document is 411 pages long; I read first three pages and my brain is crying; Dictionary app does not even have some of these words
+Yuna: Sorry, it’s written by an academic.; It basically says that reading fiction is very good for improving your English.
Rozanov: Oh, I see; This I can do; What is your favorite book?
+Yuna: Anne of Green Gables.; But any fiction is supposed to be good.
Rozanov: I will read this

Rozanov: Good thing you do not support home team in Ottawa, da?
+Yuna: Da.; You’re watching too?
Rozanov: Nothing so good for self-esteem as watching Centaurs forget how to hit puck
+Yuna: 😂

+Yuna: Ouch! That looked like it hurt.
Rozanov: You are watching Raiders too? Do you watch all games?
+Yuna: I love hockey. I watch as much as I can.
Rozanov: Very lucky Hollander to have winner of biggest hockey fan in world as maman
+Yuna: Does your mom not like hockey?
Rozanov: Mama like ice skating more. But she died, many years ago
+Yuna: I’m so sorry. I didn’t know.
Rozanov: It is okay
+Yuna: How's your shoulder today?
Rozanov: Is fine, but sling for three weeks. Am already bored; Much time with Anne of the Green Gables ahead
+Yuna: Oh, you’re going to read it?
Rozanov: Already begun. Marilla is bitch. But big Anne fan; Question; Why no definitive article?; Anne of Green Gables and not Anne of the Green Gables?
+Yuna: You don’t need articles for a location in English.
Rozanov: “On the street”?
+Yuna: Oh, only for proper locations, I think?; Do you have an English tutor?
Rozanov: No. Am looking to hire, is difficult; Part English tutor, part world’s best brand marketing manager

Rozanov: MATTHEW DIES?!; WHY YOU DO THIS TO ME?
+Yuna: I’m sorry!
Rozanov: Not sorry, you have planned this to distract Boston captain; Make Raiders lose; Will not happen; I see through your plans
+Yuna: Montreal doesn’t need to distract Boston in order to win.
Rozanov: I thought American books like American TV; Too happy; This is like Russian book. Happy/sad
+Yuna: It’s a Canadian book.; English books do happy/sad as well.
Rozanov: I make very big apology. Know it is rude to call Canadians American; What is your second favorite book?
+Yuna: Anna Karenina.
Rozanov: You want me to read Толстой in English?; This I cannot do

+Yuna: I just saw the tequila ad.; Who’s idea was that???
Rozanov: God, do not remind me; Shot in June, have erased it from my brain; Who is thinking about tequila at Christmas???
+Yuna: If you’re going to sign with an alcohol brand, it should at least be vodka.
Rozanov: This is what I say!; When you take job, I want Beluga endorsement
+Yuna: Smirnoff is the bigger brand in North America.
Rozanov: Smirnoff is bathwater; Quiznos of vodka
+Yuna: 😆

Rozanov: Merry Christmas! If I knew your address, I would have sent Hollander family case of tequila
+Yuna: I would give you my address for a case of Beluga.
Rozanov: You are hard negotiator. I like this, perfect for marketing manager job; What is address?; Mrs Hollander?; Mrs Hollander?; Address?
+Yuna: I was joking!
Rozanov: I was not. Address please

+Yuna: This is very good vodka.
Rozanov: Yes, I know, I have very good taste; In vodka and in hockey teams
+Yuna: 🤬

+Yuna: С Рождеством!
Rozanov: Mrs Hollander, you are scaring me; How do you know where I live?
+Yuna: I will tell you when you tell me how you got my cell number.
Rozanov: After Super Bowl ad then; Thank you very much for gift; Enough books for whole year
+Yuna: Unless you get injured again 🤞
Rozanov: If Hollander breaks my arm, I expect another delivery
+Yuna: Deal.

Rozanov: You are big hockey fan; Wait; You are a big hockey fan; With good taste; So you must also hate Millman, yes?
+Yuna: 😂; Yes.; Why?
Rozanov: Watch highlights when Montreal game finishes
+Yuna: Rozanov!!!
Rozanov: Was accident!; Mostly; But good kind of accident
+Yuna: Yes, good kind of accident.; “Happy accident” is the idiom.; He’s an asshole.; So are you, for the record.; But I don’t think Millman’s ever read Anne of Green Gables.
Rozanov: I don’t think Millman’s ever read

+Yuna: What the hell was that?; In the third period.; Sloppy, sloppy pass.
Rozanov: Ah, so you are watching my games too now?; Is fitting. Very professional to watch client’s games; And was not sloppy. Marleau was in wrong spot
+Yuna: Captain’s fault when the team doesn’t work together.
Rozanov: Yes coach 🫡

Rozanov: Should I send you Raiders jersey for game tonight?; You in Raiders, Mr Hollander in Voyageurs; One for each of your favorite players
+Yuna: Not happening.
Rozanov: ☹️; Okay, I score hat trick instead; Special gift for you
+Yuna: Special gift for me would be a Voyageurs shutout.; And another chipped tooth.
Rozanov: You are very mean to me; Is okay, I forgive my marketing manager; Once she signs me to big European fashion house

+Yuna: Would you actually want to sign with a luxury fashion brand?; Or was that another joke?
Rozanov: No joke; Have pitch for what kind of marketing image I should have; But everyone thinks does not fit
+Yuna: Let’s hear your pitch. I’m curious.
Rozanov: Am in Ottawa in three weeks; Buy you a coffee, tell you the pitch?
+Yuna: Okay.; But I’m not agreeing to anything else.; I’ll give you feedback, recommend agencies.; That’s all.
Rozanov: Yes coach

Rozanov: Want free tickets to watch us destroy Centaurs?
+Yuna: Yes please!; Not that I want to watch Boston win.; I’ll be cheering for the Centaurs.
Rozanov: Okay, break my heart; Like I will break Centaurs defense; Coffee Saturday morning? 11am?
+Yuna: Yes. There’s a café called Alley Cat near the arena.
Rozanov: Perfect, I see you there; I will wear black baseball cap; So you will recognize me; Since we have not met before
+Yuna: 🤣

+Yuna: I just want to summarize what you said, so I make sure I have it correct:; You want fashionable, arty, avant-garde.; A European flavor.; You’re more interested in prestige and glamor than the big American brands.; “The right people” instead of “the most people”.; Rather than going after brands hockey fans love, you want to increase interest in hockey by attracting people who’ve never heard of it.; “Who think it is just lite beer and pretzels”, I think is what you said.; Is that correct?
Rozanov: Perfect; 100/100; I do not know why you call yourself amateur, you are very professional
+Yuna: Nice try, don’t make me say no again.; Okay, I’ll think about it.; There’s definitely someone out there who’d be able to make this happen.
Rozanov: Yes, her name is Yuna
+Yuna: Rozanov, stop.
Rozanov: What??? You said I could call you Yuna
Rozanov: Did you like my present?
+Yuna: They were great seats, thank you!
Rozanov: No, hat trick!; Seats were easy, hat trick was hard; Well, no, that is a lie; Hat trick was a little harder than free seats I get every game
+Yuna: Your English is getting better.
Rozanov: 🥰

+Yuna: BOO YAH
Rozanov: This is mean; You are very mean; Would Anne of Green Gables be so mean
+Yuna: She would be when the Raiders are out of the playoffs.
Rozanov: ☹️; Do not even have stupid tequila sponsorship anymore to drown my sorrows

Rozanov: Tell Hollander to fracture a leg
+Yuna: I will!; The expression is “break a leg” not “fracture a leg”
Rozanov: I know this; I mean what I say

+Yuna: SUCK IT ROZANOV; MY BOY’S NUMBER ONE
Rozanov: Oh, did Montreal win?; Was not watching; Too busy reading Hunger Games
+Yuna: Liar liar pants on fire; You should be training for next season; When Shane’s gonna beat you again
Rozanov: Am training my English; Good for annoying him
+Yuna: How’re you finding the books? Easy or hard?
Rozanov: Piece of cake; Will need harder books next Christmas
+Yuna: So many idioms from you lately.; Do you know this one?; Boston Raiders have a snowball’s chance in hell of winning next year.
Rozanov: Hell will freeze over before Montreal wins cup again
+Yuna: 👏

+Yuna: Rozanov, are you there?; Not sure if you’re in Russia for the summer?; If you are, I don’t want to wake you.; But if you’re in America, can I call you?
+Yuna: Okay, I assume you’re in Russia.; I had an idea, and I want to get your opinion.; If you want to sign with a fashion house, you won’t be able to start shooting ads until next summer.; What if you signed with a brand that would do men’s fashion advertising with you next year.; But in the meantime, you make a big splash by carrying one of their luxury women’s handbags everywhere.; It would get loads of attention, build buzz before a campaign is released.; No one else does it in the NHL, you’d be setting yourself apart from the old narrative.; I don’t know much about fashion, but sweatpants, sneakers and an expensive purse sounds VERY avant-garde to me.; Is it too European for you? I know not every man would be okay with carrying around a handbag, but I think you might not care?; Let me know what you think!
Rozanov: Yuna I could kiss you; I LOVE IT!!!!; I am very big and strong, will beat up anyone stupid enough to make fun of sexy man with sexy purse; I would die for YSL
+Yuna: Don’t judge me, I had to Google what their menswear looks like.; I can see it!; I wonder if we could get them to make individual stick bags in that quilted leather?
Rozanov: YES YES YES; I have died and gone to heaven; Gucci also acceptable
+Yuna: If the match schedule works out, you could even walk the runway for fashion week?
Rozanov: Yuna; Please; I beg you; I pay you any amount of money; Please represent me; Come be big powerful boss woman
+Yuna: Let me think about it.
Rozanov: It would be so much fun; Flying to sexy Milan and Paris; Negotiating in sexy French with hot French lawyers
+Yuna: Rozanov I’m married!
Rozanov: No one is too married for men speaking French; Don’t you say Québécois is same; Not true
+Yuna: Let me think about it.
Rozanov: Finished thinking yet?
+Yuna: No!
Rozanov: Now?
+Yuna: I’ll contact you by the end of the week.
Rozanov: Hello it is past end of the week
+Yuna: It’s Sunday afternoon.
Rozanov: Not in Moscow.
+Yuna: I’ll be very clear, if you act like an asshole with big brands, I will walk away.; You can ruin your own reputation, you cannot ruin mine.
Rozanov: I give you my word of honor
+Yuna: Do you have a lawyer I can send a representation contract to?
Rozanov: You make me very happy man; No need for lawyer, I sign whatever you want
+Yuna: That is not a good business strategy.; And I will still be working with Shane’s brands, okay?; I don’t think there will be a lot of crossover.
Rozanov: You have told Hollander?
+Yuna: Of course. I wouldn’t do this without his permission.
Rozanov: Ah, pity. Was looking forward to breaking news to him during face off

Rozanov: Signed sealed delivered; I’M YOURS
+Yuna: Where did you even learn that?
Rozanov: Will tell you over bottle of very good champagne next time I visit Ottawa

+Yuna: I think YSL is going to happen.; I’m going to need a number soon.
Ilya Rozanov: 🥰; I told you you are best; I will do YSL for free plus one leather jacket
+Yuna: Jesus Christ.; Do not EVER say that on a contract call.
Ilya Rozanov: Yes coach

+Yuna: Do you have any preferences for what kind of bag you’d like?
Ilya Rozanov: Yes, I am waiting for this moment; Here is Pinterest board ↗️
+Yuna: Rozanov, there are sixty bags on here.
Ilya Rozanov: I take any or all of them; But Loulou is favorite
+Yuna: Got it.; Oooh. I like it. Jealous.
Ilya Rozanov: We will share custody, duh

Ilya Rozanov: Big day, Loulou’s first adventure; [attachment.jpg]
+Yuna: Perfect!!!; 😍; I’m so excited!; Are you? You don’t look very pleased.
Ilya Rozanov: Russians do not do this; Is more cool this way; But yes, very pleased
Ilya Rozanov: You are seeing internet, yes?
+Yuna: Yes!; YSL sent me a press and blog round up.; They’re ecstatic!
Ilya Rozanov: 🥂

Ilya Rozanov: Yuna; I thought you said these are books for American teenagers; Why are they all so sad??
+Yuna: Which book are you reading?
Ilya Rozanov: I give clue; BETH DIED
+Yuna: Oh noooo
Ilya Rozanov: I am strong scary Russian man; With fancy handbag; Crying in airport
+Yuna: 😆
Ilya Rozanov: Not funny!

+Yuna: Paris fashion week is out, unless you’re willing to skip at least three matches?
Ilya Rozanov: Never. I know you only say this as option to improve Voyageur chances
+Yuna: Damn. Worth a try.; You could do NYC fashion week?; It’s two days after the All-Star game.
Ilya Rozanov: Yes, this is perfect; Is Hollander going to fashion week?
+Yuna: I think that would be his worst nightmare.
Ilya Rozanov: I am not his worst nightmare?; Very offended

Ilya Rozanov: HOLLANDER FOR CALVIN KLEIN; YOU NOT TELL ME THIS INFORMATION
+Yuna: You didn’t need to know!
Ilya Rozanov: Yuna, please; Am I not your favorite client?; Besides, Hollander is too pretty pretty to carry off alone
+Yuna: Rozanov, be real.; You think I should have taken an offer away from my son and given it to you?
Ilya Rozanov: No, no; Misunderstanding; It should have been both of us in campaign; Favorite son and favorite client; Double win for Yuna
+Yuna: You would agree to that?; I could pitch it to CK for next year?
Ilya Rozanov: Yes!; I am not scared of being out-modelled by Hollander; Especially in underwear region 😉
+Yuna: Jesus, Rozanov.; Don’t make me block you.

+Yuna: Rozanov, this is too much.
Ilya Rozanov: Nyet. You need nice bracelets to match nice bags; Think of as favor to me; Embarrassing if manager looks underpaid; Merry Christmas!
+Yuna: Merry Christmas!; Fair warning, I think Shane might actually punch you next time you two play.
Ilya Rozanov: Annoying Hollander is best gift I could have asked for
+Yuna: Tell me that wasn’t your intention.
Ilya Rozanov: …; Okay, I not tell you

+Yuna: Buzzfeed: Ilya Rozanov’s 33 best man-bag looks, ranked! ↗️
Ilya Rozanov: Did you organize this?
+Yuna: No! Organic marketing.; It’s brilliant!
Ilya Rozanov: You are brilliant; Best Hollander, told you so

Ilya Rozanov: Should have put clause in contract; Make you wear Boston jersey during Montreal games
+Yuna: As if I would sign that.; Shane’s busy after the match, did you want to get dinner?
Ilya Rozanov: Ah, am very sorry; I also have plans; In Ottawa next week though?
+Yuna: 👍

+Yuna: ESPN is saying no concussion, just a deep cut.; Is that true? Are you alright?
Ilya Rozanov: Fine, no big problem; [attachment.jpg]
+Yuna: 🤣; I know I said you need to take one everywhere.; But I’m not sure the purse matches the hospital gown?
Ilya Rozanov: I know 😒; But only brought this one with me to Washington

+Yuna: Armani reached out.; Do you want me to keep pushing Calvin Klein, or concentrate on Armani?
Ilya Rozanov: CK with Hollander is first preference; Armani second
+Yuna: I thought you’d want the European brand more?
Ilya Rozanov: Two men in underwear is more European than one man in underwear, no?
+Yuna: Hahahaha, okay.

+Yuna: Bad news is: CK is out. Too much money to get both of you.; Good news is: Armani is in!
Ilya Rozanov: Did you tell CK I would do campaign for free?
+Yuna: STOP SAYING THAT!; I haven’t had much luck with Beluga yet.; But Bollinger is interested, if you are?
Ilya Rozanov: Bollinger like James Bond?; I would love being James Bond
+Yuna: You wouldn’t actually be James Bond.; Just the champagne he drinks.
Ilya Rozanov: Potato potahto
+Yuna: Where did you learn that??
Ilya Rozanov: YouTube rabbit hole
+Yuna: Where did you learn that?
Ilya Rozanov: Your son
+Yuna: Is this like a reverse “your mom” joke?
Ilya Rozanov: 😉

Ilya Rozanov: Well well well; How you say it?; BOO YAH
+Yuna: 🙄

+Yuna: Your agent just sent me a merchandising report.; Rozanov jersey sales are way up, and being shipped to lots of EU and East Asian countries.; Your strategy is working!
Ilya Rozanov: Just call me Mr International; Your strategy, that is working; Ads don’t start shooting until summer, this is my strategy
+Yuna: Speaking of, just wanting to make sure this isn’t too much.; You’ve got YSL, Armani, Bollinger, and Adidas all shooting in August.; Should be about three weeks altogether.; Dates aren’t nailed down, but I’m trying to get them as close together as possible.; They’ll all be in Europe, so not too long from Moscow.; Too much?
Ilya Rozanov: Is no problem at all. I am professional; Ilya “One Take” Rozanov
+Yuna: 😂
Ilya Rozanov: Will you be coming to shoots?; I can pay for trip if you like; You and Mr Hollander and baby Hollander, whole family welcome
+Yuna: I might come, but I don’t think you’ll get the boys on a plane for a Rozanov photo call.
Ilya Rozanov: Cowards

+Yuna: Hypothetically …; How devoted are you to your Lamborghini?
Ilya Rozanov: It is my child
+Yuna: Okay, so …
Ilya Rozanov: Does not matter we are not; I do not know word; Exchanging DNA?
+Yuna: Genetics?
Ilya Rozanov: Yes yes, perfect; Does not matter we are not genetically related; He is first born son
+Yuna: I only ask because Porsche reached out.; Should I tell them no?
Ilya Rozanov: Would I have to sell my baby?
+Yuna: Maybe? Exclusivity is standard, but we might be able to negotiate it out.
Ilya Rozanov: Yes, okay. Go ahead; I can get new first born son

+Yuna: Sorry you’re out of the playoffs.; It was a good game!
Ilya Rozanov: It is time for you to learn Russian phrases now; Врать, врать, да не завираться; Something like; Lie, lie, not too much; Do not let it be obvious you lie
+Yuna: Okay, it was not a good game.; But you played well.
Ilya Rozanov: And …
+Yuna: And I’m not sorry you’re out of the playoffs.

+Yuna: Hope you’re enjoying your summer so far!; Porsche invited us to meet with them next month, I was wondering if you’d like to join me?; It’s the week before your Bollinger shoot, so I can stay for that too.; Let me know and I’ll book a flight for you to Berlin too.
Ilya Rozanov: Yes yes yes; Is meeting on Autobahn?; Can I drive Porsche during?; No needing to book flight, already am in Berlin
+Yuna: Oh, I thought you were in Moscow?
Ilya Rozanov: No, I leave early
+Yuna: Everything okay?
Ilya Rozanov: Is fine; Some Russians think sexy man should not have sexy bags
+Yuna: What happened to beating them up?
Ilya Rozanov: Cannot beat up brother
+Yuna: Oh, Ilya 😕; I’m sorry.
Ilya Rozanov: No being sorry; Berlin love sexy man with sexy bags; Tell me when you flying, I meet at airport; With rental Lamborghini 😉

Ilya Rozanov: Yuna; Yuuuuuuuuna; Yuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuna
+Yuna: Sorry, was in the shower.; What’s up?
Ilya Rozanov: Have you heard of Berghain?
+Yuna: No, what’s that?
Ilya Rozanov: Berlin cultural institution; Bar and art and music; Very iconic; I think you will like it; I go with my friend a bit later; Come to dinner with us, then come for drink?
+Yuna: Okay! I’ll be down in 20.
Ilya Rozanov: 👍
Ilya Rozanov: I leave painkillers and fizzy drink outside your door

+Yuna: [attachment.jpg]; [attachment.jpg]; [attachment.jpg]; Early proofs for Bollinger!
Ilya Rozanov: I LOVE THIS ❤️; But why you not in photos?; Thought I insisted
+Yuna: 🙄

+Yuna: Montreal will flatten you next time!
+Yuna: You ready? Adidas is launching tomorrow!!; [attachment.jpg]; [attachment.jpg]
+Yuna: Look at you in Times Square 🤩; [attachment.jpg]
+Yuna: Ilya, is everything okay?; I’m worried about you.
Ilya Rozanov: No no; Do not want you to worry; Am being sad lately
+Yuna: Did something happen?; Is there anything I can do?
Ilya Rozanov: No no, but you are kind; Kind of like a break up
+Yuna: Oh, I’m sorry 😞; I didn’t realize you had a girlfriend.
Ilya Rozanov: Not quite girlfriend; But I very much like them; And now they do not talk to me anymore
+Yuna: That sucks, I’m sorry you’re sad.; But you know what?; If they see these Armani ads and don’t realize they’ve made a terrible mistake; Then they can go fuck themselves!; You’re too good for them!
Ilya Rozanov: Am still sad, but you make me laugh very very hard; So thank you

Ilya Rozanov: So have you met Rose Landry yet?
+Yuna: Not yet! Hopefully soon.; Want an autograph?
Ilya Rozanov: No

+Yuna: You’re getting in a lot of tilts lately.; Gotta protect that moneymaker!
Ilya Rozanov: Moneymaker?
+Yuna: Your face.
Ilya Rozanov: No shoots until next summer, no?; And they can always post-production
+Yuna: Just take care of yourself.

+Yuna: You’re not going to be alone for Christmas, are you?; You can always come visit, if you like.
Ilya Rozanov: This is very kind and also very funny; No, do not worry. Is not Russian Christmas anyway; But I have old friend who will visit for days off
+Yuna: Okay. Offer still stands if you change your mind!

+Yuna: Just saw the All-Stars news.; I know you can be very nice when you want to be.; Try to be nice to Shane, alright? As a favor to me?
Ilya Rozanov: Only for you, I do this; Also to crush Western Conference

Ilya Rozanov: May I ask mother tongue question?; Compatible: (of two things) able to exist or occur together without problems or conflict; If two people “not compatible”, this means they have problems with relationship, yes?
+Yuna: Yes. Is this your ex?
Ilya Rozanov: No. Different people; Does it have one of stupid English hidden meanings?; Like if woman not compatible with man, is she hinting she prefers woman?
+Yuna: Um, I don’t think so? But I don’t really know.; Never had that problem myself 😄
Ilya Rozanov: That is because everyone, man woman straight gay, in love with Yuna

+Yuna: OH MY GOD; OH MY GOD!!!; That was AMAZING; We need to get you and Shane on the same team!!!
Ilya Rozanov: Is too dangerous; All other teams get depression from too much losing; 💪
+Yuna: True!

+Yuna: Sweetheart, just heard the news. I’m so sorry.; Really hope you’re taking care of yourself.; I’m here if you need someone to talk to.; But don’t feel obliged to respond.; Just know you’re in my prayers ❤️
Ilya Rozanov: Thank you ❤️; Am coming home soon; Will I be seeing you in Montreal?
+Yuna: So soon? You know you can take more time off if you need it.; We won’t be in Montreal this time, but I’ll buy you dinner when you’re in Ottawa next.
Ilya Rozanov: Yes, is enough time. Crushing Voyageurs is good for happiness

Ilya Rozanov: Fuck, Yuna, I hope he is okay; I know why you not picking up; But I must tell you; If you not want to drive, Jamie can organize private plane; I already call him, authorize expense; You have his number, just message him if you want to fly; No trouble; Must go now, end of intermission
Ilya Rozanov: Tell me how he is when you have time; I will stop by tomorrow before flight if he is awake
Ilya Rozanov: Any news?
+Yuna: Sorry Ilya, it’s been hectic.; He’s going to be okay. Could have been much worse.; Thank you so much for offering the plane, that was incredibly generous.
Ilya Rozanov: Of course; I tell you, no trouble; At all; Very glad to hear he will be okay; You have place to sleep? Can get you hotel room
+Yuna: No, we just arrived at Shane’s apartment. Going to try and sleep for a few hours.
Ilya Rozanov: Sleep well ❤️

+Yuna: Do you have summer plans yet?; Would August be alright for another round of shoots?
Ilya Rozanov: Yes, this is good; Berghain again?
+Yuna: Fool me once, shame on you.; Fool me twice …
Ilya Rozanov: Fool you twice, lucky me we PARTY

+Yuna: I’ve had a few players contact me about brand representation.; Would you have a problem if I took on more clients next year?
Ilya Rozanov: So long as I am still your number one best client in the world; And you do not forget that Ilya Rozanov knew you were best marketing manager before anyone else; And you dedicate your memoir to me, not to Hollander
+Yuna: Yes, yes, and no.
Ilya Rozanov: Okay fine whatever

Ilya Rozanov: Tell me you cheer for Boston when Montreal not in playoffs; Yes?
+Yuna: Well …
Ilya Rozanov: You hurt me
+Yuna: I’m cheering for you.; Just not for Boston.
Ilya Rozanov: Good enough

+Yuna: Too bad Ilya!; Next year
Ilya Rozanov: Next year is meaning; You hope next year I win Stanley Cup, and not Hollander?
+Yuna: No, next year I hope you make it all the way through the playoffs until Montreal kicks your ass.
Ilya Rozanov: Now I am not giving you Porsche for Christmas; Who do you cheer for when number one client in world is out and Hollander is out?
+Yuna: I think the Admirals are going to win this year.
Ilya Rozanov: This is nightmare; Do not say this

+Yuna: Okay, I didn’t predict THAT.; But do I get points for my Admirals prediction?
Ilya Rozanov: No, no points for you; You are already too powerful; Please say you are not taking Hunter as new client
+Yuna: I wish!
Ilya Rozanov: I do not wish

+Yuna: Hey Ilya; I wanted to say, we spent all the time today making sure Shane was okay.; But I didn’t get a chance to ask you; Are you okay?
Ilya Rozanov: I am very happy; And a teeny little bit scared; But almost all happy
+Yuna: I’m really glad ❤️; Sorry we had to find out like that.; But I’m glad we found out!
Ilya Rozanov: ☺️; Me too; Shane is telling me to stop texting his maman; Can you tell him to shut up?
+Yuna: Why don’t you stop texting me, and we can talk about it when we come for dinner.
Ilya Rozanov: Fine, I will be brave one and tell him to shut up; One day, I will need you to explain why "lovers" is such a bad word for Shane; I look up definition, seems accurate
+Yuna: Hoping this doesn’t wake you.; I know Shane doesn’t want me to make contingency plans.
Ilya Rozanov: Contingency?
+Yuna: Like, what to do if there’s an emergency
Ilya Rozanov: I understand; … but?
+Yuna: Would it be okay with you if I do some research into citizenship options and/or claiming asylum?; I just feel like I would sleep better if we know exactly what we need to do if you ever get outed.
+Yuna: Ilya?
Ilya Rozanov: Sorry; You make me cry; But in nice, Canadian way; I even say sorry now
+Yuna: Now I’m laughing AND crying.
Ilya Rozanov: I would also sleep better if you have secret plans locked away somewhere
+Yuna: Leave it with me ❤️
+Yuna: I think I figured it out.; Did you steal my number from Shane’s phone?
Ilya Rozanov: He is such mama boy; Passcode is your birthday; 🙄

Notes:

Shane’s absolutely unhinged anxiety at the burgeoning professional relationship and friendship between Ilya and Yuna is left for your imagination ;)

iMessage workskin is Azdaema’s AO3-Skin_Messaging.

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