Chapter Text
After years of preparation she finally did it; Collei successfully completed the entrance exam and was admitted to the Academia. To celebrate her achievement, Tighnari sent out invitations to all their friends for a celebratory feast at Pardis Dhyia. He even managed to reach Amber, who traveled all the way from Mondstadt to Sumeru to join. Aether and Paimon also returned from their latest misadventures in Nor-Krai. With that in the back of his mind, it was all the more frustrating what Cyno just told him.
“Honestly, is it really too much to ask to show up at least for an hour?” He ran his fingers through his hair, hoping to call down.
"Even a wall would have been easier to convince than him." The Mahamatra shook his head in resignation. "Ever since Kaveh moved out, every conversation with Alhaitham feels like pulling teeth."
“I thought they had parted on good terms. Kaveh even bragged about it!” Tighnari grumbled discontentedly.
It had been several months since the move. Enough time even for someone as averse to change as Al Haitham to get used to his new living situation. Something about it wasn’t sitting right with Tighnari, but unfortunately the scribe was still a complete mystery to him. On the one hand, everything he did seemed to follow a clear logic that served only his own interests one way or another, but on the other hand, he couldn't shake the feeling that something was wrong. No one could be totally rational and emotionless all the time.
“-nari. Nari!” Cyno’s voice snapped him out of his thoughts. “Have you been listening to me at all?”
With confusion written all over his face, he turned to his partner. Had he said anything else? Cynos's mouth twitched upward as he looked at him. "I said that I met Kaveh, and he's going to try his luck with him."
"Oh!" Tighnari's previous frustration immediately turned to relief. If anyone could convince Alhaitham to go anywhere, it was the architect. "In hindsight, I probably should have asked Kaveh from the start after not getting an answer from Al Haitham."
Cyno nodded, but his forehead creased deeply as he folded his arms in front of him. The Valuka Shuna placed a hand on his shoulder and squeezed it lightly. His partner tried to smile reassuringly at him, but it didn't reach his eyes.
"Let's get started with the preparations; we don't have much time left before the others arrive," Cyno proposed, effectively ending their conversation. He stepped past him toward the pavilion, where their feast would be held.
The first guests were Paimon and Aether, who ironically had to travel the furthest to join them. Without being asked, Paimon immediately began recounting all about their latest adventures in Nor-Krai, each story more fantastic than the last. While the little fairy filled the silence with her voice, Aether offered his assistance. Together with Cyno, he set the table while Tighnari fetched the prepared food and drinks.
Little by little, everyone else arrived. Except for Kaveh and Alhaitham, everyone was there when Amber finally brought Collei to Pardis Dhyia. He had agreed enthusiastically to her offer to distract Collei, leaving enough time for Cyno and Tighnari to prepare everything.
"Congratulations, Collei!" they all shouted in unison as their guest of honor arrived at the pavilion entrance. Tighnari almost felt sorry for her when he saw her overwhelmed expression. But Amber's broad grin also brought back her smile.
"Thank you, that—that really wasn't necessary, I don't even..." The new student fidgeted with her fingers, searching for the right words to say. But before she could find them, a loud bleating voice reached them from behind her. Even without seeing them, Tighnari knew precisely who had ruined the moment.
An angry blond-haired man stomped up the ramp. His flying toolbox tried to soothe him; at least Tighnari believed that’s what its beeping was supposed to mean. Kaveh literally dragged Al Haitham along. The scribe wore his usual neutral, disinterested expression. His gaze was turned away, directed toward the forest instead of their group.
A few steps before the pavilion, they came to a halt. The architect looked back and forth between them. Tighnari could see the exact moment he realized his mistake.
"I said it was inevitable that we would be late," Alhaitham commented, only adding fuel to Kaveh's already blazing anger.
"Don't you dare put the blame on me! This is all your fault; we wouldn't be late if you weren't so stubborn!" Kaveh snapped at his traveling companion, apparently having already forgotten that they had an audience.
"Am I stubborn, or should you learn to accept 'no' for an answer?" the scribe questioned, raising his eyebrows almost imperceptibly, but before Kaveh could respond, Alhaitham turned to Collei. "Good work, Collei; the first step has been taken."
“Congratulations, Collei!” Kaveh chimed in. “Sorry we barged in like that! He—”
“Thank you both, all of you,” the new student interrupted him. There was a soft laugh in her voice. “I’m glad you made it.”
Tighnari led the two to their seats, wondering whether it was a good idea to seat them next to each other. Fortunately, they had decided to refrain from their usual bickering, at least for now.
Out of the corner of his eye, the forest ranger could see everyone gather around Collei and congratulate her individually. Cyno stood next to her like her personal bodyguard. With a nod, his partner assured him that he would keep an eye on the girl so that Tighnari could take care of the barbecue.
"Hey, Tighnari, sorry again about our entrance." Kaveh stood next to him at the grill. "Can I help with anything?"
"It's okay, and I've got the situation under control." The forest ranger waved him off. "Without you, we probably wouldn't have been able to move him at all. What was his problem?"
"Pff, if I knew! Too many people, I guess?" Kaveh snorted discontentedly and crossed his arms, but for once he didn't look actually angry. On the contrary, he furrowed and was watching his junior out of the corner of his eye. If even Kaveh was concerned about Alhaitham's behavior, it didn't bode well. They may be known for their many discussions and arguments, but nevertheless, no one knew the scribe better than him.
"He's been, well, quiet lately," he finally admitted, "I mean, he's always quiet, but, you know, more than usual."
Tighnari knew exactly what he was talking about. Out of the corner of his eye, he too glanced at their conversation subject, who, instead of talking to anyone, had started reading.
With a sigh, Kaveh stomped over to him and snatched the book away. The previous silence was once again filled with their snarky comments. Tighnari turned around, shaking his head. Those two argued like an old married couple. It would probably forever remain a mystery to him why they refused to see how much they cared for each other. One might start thinking they are allergic to open communication.
The feast itself was filled with laughter and numerous stories. They rarely had the opportunity to get together like this, especially with Aether, Paimon, and Dehya, all three of whom were traveling the world. An uncomfortable silence only spread when Cyno told one of his numerous puns. To make matters worse, Aether seemed to have made it his mission to respond to every pun with one of his own, which ended in a duel of linguistic mutilation—much to everyone else's despair.
Late afternoon turned into evening, and as the sunlight faded, wine found its way onto the table. Dehya and Kaveh were the first to reach for the bottle. Amber took the opportunity to present a bottle of wine from Mondstadt before retreating to a quieter corner with Collei. Tighnari hoped his gaze communicated his gratitude for looking after her. Despite the progress his pupil had made, she was still easily overwhelmed and needed breaks.
Everyone else was also happily chatting away in small groups of their own. Relieved, Tighnari sank down onto a bench. He loved gatherings like this, but being a host was certainly not for the faint of heart. Next time he has to make sure someone else is taking care of planning and hosting. Maybe Al Haitham? He was quite curious what he would deem a good party.
"That's what I call a plant-tastic evening." Cyno sat down next to him on the bench. He held a cup in his hand, from which he sipped, trying to act nonchalant while intently observing his reaction. Tighnari groaned in annoyance. His ears flatten against his head as he is giving him a death glare.
"Yes…" he conceded before his partner started explaining his terrible pun. “It’s rare for everyone to gather like this. Sometimes I forget how big our friend group actually got.”
“Are you good? You look a bit tired; if you need a break,” the Mahamatra said, pointing his cup toward the greenhouse, “it should be quieter inside; at least Al Haitham has chosen it as his retreat. I can take it from here.”
"Hmm." Tighnari nodded but didn’t move. Instead, he rested his head on Cyno’s shoulder. His ears pressed uncomfortably against his partner’s neck. Without comment, the white-haired man raised his arm and stroked his head with gentle strokes, straightening his ears so they were no longer bent unnaturally. They remained in that position until Cyno’s cup of wine was empty.
"Well, I'm going to get a second cup before Kaveh and Dehya drink everything themselves. Would you like one too?" he asked as he stood up.
"No, thank you," Tighnari declined with a shake of his head, secretly grateful that they stopped tormenting him with puns. "I think I'll take you up on your suggestion and take a walk around the greenhouse. Might as well check up on that scribe of ours."
With a nod, he took his leave and left him alone. He got up and stretched his tired body. He has been up since before sunrise, making sure his work gets done even in his absence tonight.
The greenhouse was noticeably quieter. Tighnari could still hear the voices and laughter of his friends from outside, but it was muffled. A faint static noise lingered in his ears, like he was holding a seashell to his ears. Beyond that, he also could hear the metallic clanking of Karkata, who watched over the plants for him at night.
Tighnari was about to head toward the source of the noise when it came to him instead. The metal life form stopped in front of him and scanned him with its camera before making a series of hissing and clicking noises that sounded suspiciously like destress. They reminded him of the day they had rescued Karkata from Abattouy's laboratory.
"What's going on?" he asked, whereupon the metal crab turned around and ran in the direction from which it had come. Confused, Tighnari followed it. Karkata stopped next to Alhaitham, who had laid down on one of the few benches with his eyes closed. He looked as if he were asleep. With the naked eye, Tighnari couldn’t see anything wrong with him. At least nothing that would warrant his metal assistants' concern, but then he heard it. The other man's breathing was shallow and irregular, as if he were struggling to get enough air. With a little concentration, his sensitive hearing could even detect his heartbeat, which was clearly elevated.
"Al Haitham?" Tighnari asked worriedly, hastily stepping closer. The scribe flinched at his voice, opening his eyes wide as he turned in his direction. For a moment, he stared at him motionless before blinking several times, shaking his head slightly, and sitting up. The forest ranger could still hear Al Haitham's pulse racing and his breathing quickening, but on the outside, Tighnari couldn’t see anything out of the ordinary. Only upon closer inspection did he notice a distinct tension in his posture that isn’t usually present in him.
He hoped that Al Haitham would explain himself of his own accord, but the man remained silent. His head turned toward the plants in the center, but Tighnari could see that the other man was watching him out of the corner of his eye.
Cold metal against his leg shook him out of his stupor. Karkata was standing next to him again and nudged him to move forward with one of its front legs.
"Everything okay?" Tighnari asked as he stepped closer.
"Yes," Alhaitham replied, despite his racing heart and forced breathing. The forest ranger resisted the urge to reprimand him for the blatant lie; that could wait until he knew what was going on.
"You do realize that I can hear you're having trouble breathing and your heart is racing," Tighnari reminded him. "What's wrong? How long have you had these symptoms? Do you have any other symptoms? Pain?"
But Alhaitham just shook his head and stood up. He took a controlled breath, and Tighnari almost admired how much control he had over himself.
"I'm fine," the scribe repeated irritably. "I don't need help, just a moment of peace, but apparently even that is too much to ask."
His junior by a year crossed his arms protectively over his chest. His right hand literally clawed at the fabric of his cloak, while the other carefully stroked his upper arm. The gesture reminded Tighnari of Collei when she tried to calm herself after a nightmare.
He straightened up in alarm and let his gaze wander over Al Haitham. Up close, he could see a thin layer of sweat. Tension was practically radiating off of him.
"Alhaitham..." he began slowly, his gaze lingering on the slowly moving hand. "Are you having a panic attack?"
The question actually earned him an eye roll. A gesture painfully reminiscent of his former roommate and best friend, but from the man in front of him, it was a clear sign that something was seriously wrong. Alhaitham did not roll his eyes. He would never, ever show his emotions this openly if he could help it.
"Tch," the scribe looked away, "Will you leave me alone if I say yes?"
"What? Are you serious?" Tighnari stammered, startled. "I... Should I get Kaveh? Does he know that you..."
"No," Alhaitham interrupted him, loosening his crossed arms, stretching his arms, and rolling his shoulders. Each movement only emphasized his tension, yet at the same time made him appear much more relaxed than he actually was.
"No to getting him or no to him knowing?" Tighnari pressed, taking a step closer, prompting the other to take a step back. Keeping just enough distance between them so that he couldn’t reach him even if he leaned forward.
“Both,” Alhaitham explained irritably, before adding in his usual neutral tone, “If you don’t leave, I’ll take that as my cue to take my leave for today.”
"Hey!" Tighnari lunged after him, grabbing his wrist and earning himself an angry look. For a moment, he tried to free himself before giving up any resistance.
"What do you want?" Alhaitham's voice had taken on its usual emotionless tone. His expression became blank, as if all emotion had left his body. Outwardly, he was the perfect picture of calm, but Tighnari could feel his racing heartbeat beneath his fingertips and a slight tremor that he hadn't noticed until now.
Confused, the forest ranger stared at his hand, which was holding Alhaitham in place. No one could have that much control. No one could simply suppress a panic attack, or rather, an anxiety attack, especially if they were unfamiliar with the feeling.
“This isn’t your first anxiety attack,” Tighnari stated aloud, “How often do you have them? When did it start? Do you know what triggers it?”
The younger man shifted his weight and let his gaze wander over the plants. After a long pause, he finally decided to answer, "It varies. Some years I haven't had any at all, and sometimes I've had several in a day. I have had them as long as I can remember. There's no clear trigger."
"...several times a day..." Sheer horror was written all over Tighnari's face. They had known each other for multiple years. How could he have overlooked, or rather not hear, that Alhaitham was struggling like that?
"Wait," he exclaimed, "you said that Kaveh doesn't know about it; you meant now and not in general. Right?"
"He doesn't know about them in general, and I would VERY much appreciate it if it stayed that way," the scribe emphasized. "Before you ask, they've only recently got more frequent, and I didn't have any back in my student time, which is why I never mentioned it."
“They became more frequent after Kaveh moved out, didn’t they?” A theory formed in Tighnari’s mind. It would explain why Alhaitham had become so withdrawn and generally quieter lately. “And you don’t want Kaveh to find out because he would blame himself.”
His audible sigh was answer enough. “Him and his crazy idea that he has influence over everything and is always to blame for everything. And people accuse me of having too big of an ego.”
"But his departure was the trigger for the increase in frequency," Tighnari repeated. No matter how strongly Alhaitham insisted that it wasn't Kaveh's fault, the evidence suggests otherwise, even if it wasn’t the only factor. It was probably a far bigger one than his friend would ever willingly admit.
"Can I go?" The Harvatat graduate questioned, completely ignoring Tighnari's previous remark.
"Do you think you'll be better off alone at home?" A new wave of concern washed over him. Whenever Collei had panic attacks, she also preferred to be alone at first, but only until she calmed down, after which she always sought his company.
"At least there I'll have some peace and quiet and won't be bombarded with pointless questions," Alhaitham explained. His answer sounded suspiciously like a "no" to Tighnari, but he let him go. His younger friend looked at him one last time, scrutinizing him, before turning away with a dissatisfied grumble, disappearing into the night.
Unease spread in Tighnari's stomach. He didn't feel comfortable leaving him to his own devises. Unfortunately, he also had to admit to himself that Al Haitham probably wouldn't give him any further details. The only one who could get him to talk was and probably always will be Kaveh. He glanced indecisively at Karkata, who was still standing next to him. He didn't know whether he should risk breaking Al Haitham's already fragile trust and let Kaveh in on the secret or if it would only make things worse.
"Why must they always make everything so difficult?" Tighnari knelt down to speak to his metal assistant at eye level.