Chapter Text
It all starts in the downstairs bathroom of the Pike’s house. Which is, as Shane can admit, really ridiculous. But the whole situation ended up ridiculous in the long run, and he really only had himself to blame. So.
It was an average weekday off during the season, which would usually feature Shane hightailing it down the highway towards Ottawa to visit Ilya for any possible amount of time they could spend together. However, with the Centaurs on a week-long roadie, it was unfortunately pointless this time around. Shane was bummed, but Hayden had invited him over for the afternoon, which kept him from wallowing alone at home.
With it being a weekday, he crossed paths with Jackie on her way out the door, shepherding the twins to their respective afterschool activities. She gave him a quick greeting: a half-assed hug featuring an exasperated sigh, while Jade whined out, “Mom - I can’t find my other shinguard!” and Ruby zoomed towards the car with a giddy “I call shotgun!” with her judo belt flapping in the wind behind her.
Jackie stepped back with a tenseness in her shoulders, closing her eyes like she was asking some higher power for strength, as Jade suddenly forgot the issue of her missing equipment and immediately started to bicker with her sister over who got the front seat.
Shane cringed, ready to step in and offer whatever support he could to help his friend, when Hayden jogged out of the front door, waving the aforementioned shinguard. He shook his head as he heard the argument building, sidling up behind Jackie to let her lean against him for a moment. She rested the side of her head against Hayden’s: eyes still closed, taking some deep, measured breaths.
Hayden interrupted the girls with a calm and impartial tone, “Girls - we talked about this. Mondays and Wednesdays are Ruby’s days; Tuesday Thursday are Jade’s.”
The girls turned to their father, Jade with relief and Ruby with an argument at the tip of her tongue, but Hayden just raised his hand to silence any further debate.
“Enough. The schedule is set, you’re already running late, and your poor mother is going to faint from stress if you keep this up any longer. If you’re not in the car in the next 10 seconds, you have to give her an hour-long foot massage after practice.”
That shut Ruby up quickly, and both girls scrambled into their seats, slamming their respective doors before Hayden could count past three. Jackie finally opened her eyes, smirking slightly at Shane, before turning around in her husband’s arms.
“I love you so much.”
Hayden brightened like a golden retriever being praised, leaning down to kiss Jackie before she pulled away, grabbing the shinguard from his hands as she rounded the van.
“Oh - I hope you know you’re going to be giving me that foot massage later. You’ve got the idea in my head now, and I definitely deserve it,” she called out, closing the door before Hayden could even respond.
Hayden didn’t even look put out. He just smiled sappily as Jackie backed out of the driveway, then finally turned toward Shane.
“I can’t even argue. She does deserve it. We got left with the two easy kids today,” he laughed, patting Shane on the shoulder and using his grip to lead him inside the house.
Amber was down for her afternoon nap, so Arthur was the only kid they really needed to monitor. Although he was freshly four years old, still at the age most kids were either quick to tantrums or full of energy, Arthur was a fairly calm and relaxed child. He mostly liked to play independently or quietly observe the chaos of his sisters. Secretly, he was probably Shane’s favorite kid to spend time with - they just seemed to be on the same wavelength.
The afternoon passed by easily for Shane: he played some video games with Hayden while Arthur methodically lined up his toys across the carpet, played with Amber for a bit after Hayden woke her up before it got too late and interfered with her bedtime, then helped Hayden start dinner while they encouraged the kids to contribute in age-appropriate ways. For Arthur, that meant stirring some ingredients and helping Shane set the table, and for Amber, it meant munching on some carrot sticks instead of placing them on each plate like she was meant to.
Jackie eventually arrived home with two much-less-rambunctious girls, thanking them for making dinner. They sat for a nice family meal, which always made Shane feel warm and safe: comfortably included in the family in a way that had taken him a long time to get used to. Nowadays, it was so easy to fall into the routine of cleanup, baths, and bedtime prep.
With four kids, Hayden and Jackie appreciated the extra hands whenever they could get Shane to come around. Jackie took Amber for her slow wind-down routine before the older kids. She could be fussy before bed and the quiet one-on-one time with Jackie apparently helped. With Shane available to help, Jackie usually made her way to bed right afterwards. She deserved the break, both men agreed. The twins were harder to corral (namely Ruby, who just never seemed to run out of energy), so it was easier to separate them than to deal with them at the same time.
Shane helped brush Jade’s wet hair while she brushed her teeth. In the meantime, Hayden made Ruby run around the backyard a few times before she came in to shower. Jade was mellow typically by that point in the night, especially after soccer practice, so Shane often had to hold her head up to finish working out the knots in her hair, since her head would start to nod in front of the bathroom counter. He ended up having to carry her to bed that night, tucking her in and flicking on her nightlight before returning downstairs. In the hallway, he passed by Hayden: who was carrying Ruby upside down while she giggled maniacally, giving Shane an exasperated but fond look as he made his way into the girls’ bathroom.
Shane headed down to Arthur next, who, by all means, should’ve been asleep before the girls. However, he had apparently taken an impromptu nap before Shane had come over and was far from sleepy. He found the boy sitting quietly on the couch, a large picture book about superheroes open on his lap, eyes scanning the pages as if he could read all the words. Shane plopped on the sofa next to him, but Arthur didn’t react for a moment. Then, without saying a thing, or even looking in Shane’s direction, he stood up, clumsily stepped across the cushions, and plopped into Shane’s lap. His book returned to its previous position, but Arthur’s hands reached to pull Shane’s arms fully around him, pushing and prodding at his forearms until Shane squeezed him tight. Then, he gripped the book again, patting repeatedly at the words until Shane started to read them aloud in a calm and even tone. Shane smiled fondly as he read, endeared by the quirky way Arthur liked to communicate with him.
As Arthur nuzzled his head back-and-forth below Shane’s chin, rubbing his hair in a way that made it go staticky against the neckline of Shane’s shirt, he allowed himself to imagine a future where he and Ilya could have this. A nighttime routine with their own kids: reading quietly with their own babies, the soft texture of kid clothes and hair, the soothing scents of lotion and fresh laundry. The tender and sweet little moments of trust and love, the instinctive reaching out for touch and comfort and the trust that it would be given without question. Bringing up their own babies in a safe and loving home.
Shane eventually snapped out of his daydreams when Arthur abruptly shut his book, wiggled out of his arms, then slid off the couch to set the book on the coffee table. He turned to look at Shane expectantly, holding out his hand and flexing his fingers repeatedly. Shane smiled, standing as well and grabbing the offered hand. Arthur pulled Shane towards his bedroom, but Shane paused for a moment.
“Arthur, buddy, you’ve got to brush your teeth before bed, remember?”
Jackie was strict with the kids’ dental hygiene routines, after a lifetime of orthodontist visits caused by her own parents' lack of care for her when she was younger. It was a tender subject, even still, but it manifested in Jackie putting everything into raising her kids with all the love and care they could possibly receive.
Arthur shifted his eyes around, shifting his weight back-and-forth on his little feet, before shaking his head in denial and tugging at Shane’s hand again. Shane didn’t budge, even though he was a bit taken aback by the refusal. Arthur had typically been a very agreeable child, so this seemed out of character for him. At the same time, Hayden usually took Arthur through his nighttime routine, so maybe this was typical for him?
“C’mon bud, it’ll just take two minutes. Then, I’ll tuck you in and we can read another book before bed, okay?”
Arthur’s usual stoic face started to twist up in frustration, shaking his head again. He started to whine in a distressed tone and tug at Shane’s hand more frantically, shutting his eyes and raising the pitch when he didn’t get Shane to move. Shane was frozen, unsure of how to handle what seemed to be a building tantrum from Arthur, since he hadn’t really seen one firsthand before. He knew how to handle the twins and Amber, but this was unprecedented. He worried his lower lip between his teeth, feeling his internal panic start to build, before Hayden clomped down the stairs to save the day.
“Hey, hey, hey, Art. It’s okay. Remember what we talked about?” Hayden soothed, as he crouched down in front of the increasingly worked up four-year old.
Arthur maintained his vice grip on Shane’s hand, so he just stood and watched. Arthur seemed to continue to feel agitated, rocking his body in place, so Hayden changed his approach.
“I can see you’re upset right now. Let’s take some deep breaths, okay?”
Hayden went through an exaggerated modeling of deep breathing, his eyes never leaving his son. It took a few moments, but slowly, Arthur began to copy him, letting out frustrated puffs of air as his body calmed and the whining stopped. Shane found himself subconsciously copying the deep breathing, settling his own panicked energy. Eventually, Arthur opened his eyes again, looking down at his feet. Hayden took it as a sign that he was ready to listen.
“Good job, sweetheart. You did a great job breathing with me. Now: I know that you don’t like brushing your teeth. But remember, Spider-man is waiting for you to help him fight off the evil germs!”
Arthur froze, eyes widened as if he’d had a grand realization, before frantically pulling at Shane’s hand again. Only this time, it was in the direction of the bathroom. Shane glanced at Hayden in bewilderment, but Hayden just whispered under his breath ‘later’, before following them.
Arthur finally let go of Shane to clamber up the steps of the stool that allowed him to reach the sink. Hayden scooted in to grab the kiddie toothpaste, then reached out for a large Spider-man figurine sitting on the counter. In his stiff plastic hand, a child-sized toothbrush was gripped awkwardly. Hayden glanced up at Shane, a tinge of embarrassment in his expression, before he looked down at Arthur with a serious look.
“Remember what Spider-man says? With great power comes great responsibility. Keeping your teeth healthy is a BIG responsibility, right bud?”
Arthur nodded so seriously, eyes wide and fists clenched determinedly, and it took everything for Shane to not make an audible cooing sound.
Hayden got Arthur through the brushing with ease after that, and following a trip to the potty, Arthur was leading both men to his bedroom with their hands clasped firmly in his own. He guided them to sit in specific spots by his bed, then chose his own book, sliding under the covers and wiggling until he was comfortable. In no time at all, with Shane’s mellow reading voice and Hayden’s exaggerated sound effects, Arthur fell asleep. The two men snuck out of the bedroom, pulling the door shut before heading back into the living room. They flopped on the couch, happy to relax in the newfound silence.
“Jesus Christ. What a day. These kids are gonna give me gray hairs before I even hit thirty, I swear. Bedtime is supposed to be relaxing, right?”
“I’m sure it doesn’t help that you have to take Ruby outside to get her zoomies out like a puppy before bed every night,” Shane joked.
Hayden laughed wearily, rubbing his hands over his face.
“There’s no fuckin’ doubt in my mind that she inherited my ADHD. Poor thing. She got the shit end of the genetics between the two of them. My parents tell me I was the same way as a kid. I’m just glad I know so I can help her.”
Shane blinked in surprise.
“Oh. I didn’t know you had ADHD.”
Hayden looked over at him with an incredulous look, one eyebrow raised.
“Dude. I’m like, the poster child for ADHD.”
“I guess… I never really thought about those things. Kind of irresponsible I guess, now with the Irina Foundation…” Shane trailed off, feeling embarrassed of his lack of knowledge. It was true though: hockey was his life and he didn’t have many interests that fell outside of anything related to hockey. He had a hard time, sometimes, caring much about topics that weren’t interesting to him.
“Nah dude, it’s fine. I didn’t know shit until I was a teenager probably, but I didn’t really do actual research until I was an adult struggling to take care of my basic needs,” Hayden laughed self-deprecatingly. “I was hyperactive as shit as a kid. I’ve mellowed out a bit, but I’m definitely still fidgety. It’s hard for me to sit still for long, even if it’s just my hands fiddling with shit or my leg shaking.”
Shane had noticed that. It got repetitive and annoying when he was in a mood, and he’d snapped at Hayden a few times to ask him to stop before. He suddenly felt guilty for not considering the underlying reasons.
“I still struggle with doing things I don’t find interesting. Namely, chores and boring adult shit. It just feels impossible sometimes, or my brain just avoids even thinking about all the crap I need to do. I read somewhere that it’s less about being ‘attention-deficit’ and more about being dopamine-seeking. It’s like: my brain wants to do things that give me the good brain chemicals, and it avoids the stuff that doesn’t, cause it feels boring and like hard work. And I have quite a list of non-preferred tasks,” Hayden laughed.
Shane pondered the information for a while, trying to relate it to himself. Sometimes he struggled with doing things he didn’t prefer, like the brand deals in front of bright cameras, or joining in on team celebrations. But the weight of responsibility always kicked in, or his desire to always make things perfect, so he could usually force his way through the discomfort.
Honestly, it reminded him more of Ilya, who whined and groaned over the simplest chores when Shane requested him to do something. But… if that was due to something chemical, something genetic… could Shane really blame him for struggling? And could he help in some way?
“Working out helps me with the hyperactivity. Hence: being in a sport for a career and the nightly ‘pre-sleep zoomies’. Half the fuckin’ time, I’m out there running with Ruby. Creating reward systems for myself helps too, like turning shit into a game or having Jackie promise me a reward if I do the task,” Hayden smiled sleazily, laughing when Shane rolled his eyes and pushed at his shoulder.
“So, do you think Arthur has ADHD too? Was that him avoiding a… non-preferred task? Is that what you called it?”
“Mmm, no,” Hayden hummed. “Actually, one of Arthur’s daycare teachers mentioned that he might be showing signs of autism. Jackie and I are still doing research on it and trying to track specific behaviors and stuff before we talk to his pediatrician about it though. But, honestly, I can see it.”
Shane felt himself internally cringe again at his lack of knowledge. He honestly didn’t know much about autism at all, beyond the stereotypes he learned from shows and movies and the jerks in the league who liked to use it as an insult. Usually paired with that shitty slur that made his skin crawl when he heard it.
“How so? I don’t know much about autism either,” Shane asked awkwardly, still feeling ashamed, but knowing that Hayden wouldn’t judge him.
“Well - there’s a lot involved. It’s a spectrum, so it can vary from person to person how it affects their lives. Some typical traits are sensory challenges, like how Arthur can’t stand walking around without socks, or loud noises, or the texture of certain foods,” Hayden explained.
Shane had noticed these things offhandedly, but hadn’t thought much of them. They seemed pretty normal to him, but maybe it was just those few things in tandem with lots of others that made it worse?
“Again, it’s different for everyone, and I’m just listing off random traits I can remember, but there can be signs of… hypo…hypa… hyperlexia, I think it’s called? Basically, the way Arthur is able to read independently at such a young age. I mean - he’s reading books meant for kids twice his age,” Hayden laughed in amazement. “Like, obviously he’s not very verbal, but you can tell by the way he tracks the words, and when you ask him questions, he’ll find the detail from the story and point it out right away. According to his teacher, that’s atypical for kids his age. Especially with the lack of speaking at his age.”
Shane blinked again, processing. It kind of reminded him of the stories his mom told him about his own childhood. But, when he started playing hockey around five years-old, he’d started talking a ton, to his teammates and coaches and his parents, about everything he possibly could that was related to hockey. Maybe Arthur just needed to find something he was passionate about to start talking more? He did like superheroes, it seemed…
“Is it… a bad thing? Like, socially and stuff?”
“Mmm, not necessarily. If he does have autism, it might just mean that some things will be extra challenging for him. But it also means he could excel at more things too. The teacher said it’s just a different way of experiencing the world. Not good, not bad, just different,” Hayden shrugged. “And, I mean, I had differences growing up with my ADHD and I turned out pretty damn fine, so…”
Shane huffed out a laugh at Hayden’s smug smile as he gestured to himself, rolling his eyes and grabbing for the remote.
“Alright man, whatever helps you sleep at night,” Shane joked, clicking on the TV to turn on the Centaurs game that would be starting soon.
“C’mon man, you can’t insult me in my own home! On my own couch! Some kind of best friend you are…” Hayden pouted as Shane snorted at his antics.
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On the drive home, throughout his own bedtime routine, after a string of texts to Ilya, and finally, while trying to fall asleep (unsuccessfully), Shane thought about the information that Hayden had shared. While the information about autism was interesting and was definitely something he wanted to research more about in order to help Arthur however he could, the information Hayden shared about his ADHD stuck out in his head. How it seemed like it caused him to struggle with seemingly basic tasks, which would probably make him look lazy to an outsider, even though it was due to a chemical imbalance in his brain.
Shane thought about that word: ‘lazy’. It was a word Ilya often used self-deprecatingly towards himself, one that he had once mentioned that his father loved to weaponize against him. He thought about how unfair it was for Ilya to feel like he was lazy, especially if it wasn’t necessarily his own fault for lack of motivation to complete those ‘non-preferred’ tasks.
Was there something Shane could do to help?
Hayden had mentioned incentivizing himself to complete tasks. He thought about the Spider-man doll in the bathroom, inspiring Arthur to brush his teeth even when the idea had caused him to nearly melt down. Was there something similar that he could do for Ilya? It was hard with the distance between them. He couldn’t just promise him kisses or sexual rewards or special presents necessarily. Not if he wanted to consistently help Ilya to build routines. How could he help from far away?
Shane thought about solutions for days. He did research on ADHD signs, symptoms, and ways to help manage the symptoms. He grew more and more convinced that Ilya had it. While he wanted to share the knowledge with Ilya, he knew that his boyfriend would likely not be receptive to talking about his own mental health. It was a topic he always seemed to skate around, never wanting to touch on outside of a few vulnerable moments they had shared together.
Shane thought about incentive systems that he could implement without being obvious about what he was doing and why he was doing it. He categorized things that Ilya cared about, trying to find something that might motivate him in the way that Spider-man seemed to motivate Arthur.
His list consisted of:
- Sex
- (Always a positive, but hard to incentivize consistently while long-distance.)
- Expensive cars
- (No more fast cars! Not safe! Plus, he had just sold a bunch for the charity.)
- Good food
- (Shane wasn’t a good cook. He also didn’t want to tempt himself.)
- Dogs
- (He couldn’t just buy a dog every time Ilya did something hard.)
- Cigarettes
- (Boo! Absolutely not. No lung cancer for Ilya.)
- Alcohol
- (Also not a healthy incentive - Shane didn’t want to turn him into an alcoholic!)
- Clubbing
- (Shane couldn’t really ‘provide’ this. He hated clubs. Plus, he didn’t want to waste any precious time they had together standing six feet apart in public when they could be intertwined at home.)
- Music
- (How the hell could he use that as an incentive??)
- Coke
- (Again - he cared about Ilya’s health, so loading him up on tons of soda was not the best idea.)
- Shane
- (And how was he meant to- oh, well hold on…)
Shane paused his writing, letting the tip of his pen rest idly against the journal he had been taking notes in. Maybe…
Obviously he couldn’t be with Ilya all the time. But, maybe, if he could create a representation of himself to set out, similar to the Spider-man doll holding Arthur’s toothbrush… maybe print out some photos of himself… maybe add a speech bubble for what he would say if he was there, or something silly that would make Ilya smile...
Shane’s mind flooded with ideas as he quickly brought his pen back to the paper. He started another list, this time of the little chores and tasks he had noticed Ilya struggled with or whined about.
- Flossing his teeth
- (He was good about brushing, because Shane was strict, but he often neglected to floss, saying that it was “soooooo boring”)
- Leaving his wet towels on the floor
- (Shane had given him many lectures about mold, and pointed out the perfectly good towel racks in the bathroom, but they still ended up in random spots)
Shane’s mind ran rampant with other ideas, but he forced himself to stop at two. He had to start slow. If he did too much at once, it might alert Ilya to what he was trying to do, and he might close himself off.
He considered his scribbles for a moment, before titling the page “Operation: Turn Shane into Spider-man”.
Then, he scribbled it out in embarrassment, slamming his journal shut with flushed cheeks, muttering a quiet, “What the fuck dude?” to himself. Too much.