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~*~
I’ll take care of you darling.
~*~
A fuzz in the brain along with the hum of the air was what greeted Dazai as he awoke.
Everything felt odd and heavy. His brain was foggy, his limbs felt like total lead, his ears felt like they had cotton stuffed in them, his eyes burned, his throat felt like someone scratched against it, and he hardly could breathe out of his nostrils. All in all, he felt like absolute shit.
It felt like he was in a depressive episode but then also was injected with a poison to make him feel like dog water on top of it.
He knew for a fact he was sick. He fucking hated being sick. The pain that came with it was unbearable. He was exhausted and could hardly bring himself out of bed.
He somehow managed it. He was so unbelievably dizzy and could hardly see straight but still managed to get himself ready. He didn’t even bother looking in the mirror. He knew he looked like shit.
As he was walking to work he was thinking about what could’ve caused this illness. He hasn’t been feeling the absolute best the last couple of days so he knew it was going to come eventually. He didn’t see Yosano which was a huge mistake on his part. He probably could’ve gotten medicine, maybe even something to kill him off.
Of course, Yosano wouldn’t give him stuff he could potentially kill himself with. She knew how he was. He sighed at the thought. He could really go for anything to kill him off and get him out of this horrible mess.
He wiped his nose with his sleeve and cleared his throat before entering the agency. He regretted not trying to put himself together more because he knew for a fact he wouldn’t be able to mask an illness. Nonetheless, he walked in. He didn’t speak to anyone and just sat at his desk.
“Good morning Dazai-San!” Atsushi said cheerfully whilst looking towards his mentor. He didn’t question why Dazai didn’t say his normal good mornings.
Dazai forced a small smile cleared his throat before speaking. “Good morning Atsushi-kun.” His voice was quieter and more hoarse than he wanted- an indication he was definitely losing his voice.
Atsushi’s smile turned to a small frown upon hearing his voice. “Are you okay? You sound kinda sick.
Dazai nodded. “Spring allergies.” He said. He put his sleeve to his nose trying to make it look like he wasn’t wiping his nose.
“Okay… but if you get worse tell Kunikida or Yosano. I’m sure they don’t want you getting everyone sick..” he said with a small nervous smile.
Dazai nodded and forced a smile back. He looked at the paperwork on his desk and gulped a lump in his throat. He normally didn’t do his work but today he needed a distraction so he supposed a little bit of boring paperwork couldn’t hurt. Besides, a lot of his was overdue.. he didn’t feel like dealing with Kunikida’s yelling today. His head was already pounding at the thought of it.
~
As the day went on he could tell he was getting worse. Kunikida was surprised he was working for once. As time went on though, he could hardly see the words on the paper anymore. He had to write a report that was due about a week ago. The pen felt heavy in his grasp and the words were all jumbled together. He rubbed his eyes multiple times and squinted until he could see them again. He suddenly couldn’t think straight anymore. His mind was blank- a rare occurrence for him.
He was sweating. The room suddenly felt like a hot oven. He felt sweat bead at his forehead. His nose wouldn’t stop running and his eyes burned so badly. He was also so incredibly nauseous. He didn’t go to lunch with the rest of the agency which Kunikida didn’t think was too weird for him but he could tell something was wrong. Dazai didn’t like how he couldn’t mask his illness. He felt overly exposed and vulnerable.
He didn’t even notice the agency slowly coming back to work after lunch. He was so out of it. He blinked wearily when he saw everyone in the room again. He went to look back at the paper but it was fully blurred. The lights were too bright. Were they always this bright? His ears were ringing and he was badly shaking. All the coughs he’d been suppressing suddenly exploded out of him. Harsh- painful and phlegmy coughs escaped from his chest. He felt the agency’s eyes on him and flushed red in embarrassment. He put his head on the desk and let his body convulse as he muffled the coughs into the surface.
He sat up and took in a breath of air. He felt a hand place on his shoulder and immediately tensed at the contact. He turned around to see it was just Atsushi. He saw him looking slightly guilty for touching him. He sighed and rubbed his temples.
“Dazai you don’t look so good- are you sure this is just allergies?”
He could hardly hear him. He blinked stupidly and just shrugged.
Kunikida came over and crouched in front of him. Dazai rubbed his eyes before coming back to his senses slightly.
“Dazai you look horrible. Why’d you come if you’re sick?”
“I’m not sick-“ he tried to say but the words wouldn’t come out. His voice was incredibly strained.
“Yeah tell that to the doctor.”Kunikida stood up and shouted for Yosano. Dazai internally cursed.
Kunikida reached over and felt his forehead. He jerked his hand back from the contact.
“Jesus! You’re burning up! Atsushi, go get Yosano she must’ve not heard me.”
Atsushi nodded and ran to go get Yosano. Dazai’s vision blurred once again.
He felt cool hands touch his forehead and he blinked to see clearly again. It was Yosano, shoving a thermometer in his mouth.
“He’s got a high fever. I’ll give him something to get it down and I’ll call for someone to pick him up.”
He was suddenly being dragged into the infirmary. His vision was assaulted by bright lighting. His head was pounding- he could hear his veins pulsating. He suddenly felt himself black out from the pain and fever.
~
When he opened his eyes he heard chatting. He couldn’t tell who the people were because his brain was absolute mush at the moment.
“He has a viral case of what I believe is influenza. It’s pretty much the just the flu. I have no idea how he contracted it… but make sure he doesn’t get worse. If it progresses call me and I’ll decide whether or not he needs to go to the hospital.”
“Stupid idiot. He told me hasn’t been feeling the greatest this week I just assumed he was trying to get me to stay home with him. I should’ve listened.”
Yosano shook her head. “It’s not your fault. He messes around too much for us to know if he’s lying or not. He’s really out of it right now though so-“
She was interrupted by Dazai groaning in pain. Yosano and Chuuya stopped their conversation and walked over to where Dazai was lying down.
Yosano put a hand on his forehead and frowned. “His fever hardly went down. I really hope he doesn’t get worse.”
“I’ll make sure he doesn’t.” Chuuya said. He looked down at the brunette who was shaking, curled up in a ball. He frowned and leaned over to brush his wet bangs out of his face.
Dazai looked up and furrowed his brows in pain. “Chuuya?” He said hoarsely. He coughed into his elbow and sighed. He felt awful. Even worse than the morning.
“Hey. I’m going to take you home. You’re really sick right now so I have to take care of you.”
Dazai was so dizzy but nodded anyway. He wasn’t exactly sure what was going on but agreed anyway. He felt himself being lifted off the bed he was on.
“Call me if you need anything. And thank you, Chuuya.”
He nodded. “Not a problem.” He smiled before walking out of the infirmary. He walked down the steps to exit the building. He placed Dazai into the passenger seat of a car he ‘borrowed’.
“Chuuya?” He blinked in confusion.
“Yeah I’m here. I’m taking you home.” He said with no bite in his voice.
“Okay.” He smiled slightly before feeling himself falling into unconsciousness again.
~*~
When his eyes opened again he was greeted with an excruciating headache. He sniffled loudly and rubbed his eyes. He noticed he was in Chuuya’s apartment. He didn’t know how he got here but he didn’t fully mind. He tried to yell out his name but came to realize he had almost no voice left.
He cleared his throat again and tried to call out. He couldn’t. His throat hurt too much. Instead, painful chest heaving coughs hit him. He hunched over on himself and coughed harshly. He felt something warm climb in his throat. He knew Chuuya would kill him if he threw up on his sheets. He tried to sit up but the world blurred. Tears brimmed at the corner of his eyes. He felt himself gag. He tried to hold it in but another gag was threatening to escape him. He held his hands to his mouth and forced himself up despite the dizziness that followed.
He moved as fast as he could to the bathroom. He was grateful he memorized the layout of the apartment. He lifted the toilet seat with all his strength and crash onto the floor, gripping tightly to the seat of the toilet. He dry heaved for a moment before the vomit escaped him. His chest convulsed as more and more hot liquid escaped him. He finally managed to catch his breath. He gagged on instinct one more time before he decided he got it out of his system. He flushed the toilet and panted over it, watching his insides flush. He fell back onto the floor and swallowed thickly.
He didn’t know why he was alone in Chuuya’s apartment. He felt utterly hopeless and disgusting. His throat hurt even more after that. His stomach hurt so badly. He let out a weak and wheezy cough before curling in on himself. He squeezed his eyes shut. The lights were causing his head to pound against his skull. He felt his body shake from sudden chills. All of his muscles ached and he was exhausted.
He was alone. He hated being alone like this. He felt so bad. He didn’t feel good at all. He just wanted someone to comfort him for once. He felt so emotional and he hated it. He hated feeling like this he hated everything about this. He just wanted to die. He felt tears at the corner of his eyes threatening to spill.
He heard the front door slam. His eyes flew open and he sat up- too fast. He almost fell over. He coughed painfully again. He swallowed the awful taste in his mouth and rubbed his eyes to get his vision back.
“Dazai!?” He heard a distant voice call out for him. He heard footsteps enter the nearby bedroom and halt as they came near the bathroom.
~
Chuuya was greeted with the sight of Dazai- he looked awful. He was ghostly pale, his skin was clammy, he had vomit at the corner of his mouth and he was badly shaking. He was sitting up slightly but he looked so tired and so sick. Chuuya felt a pang of sympathy in his chest. He could tell he didn’t feel well.
“Chuuya..?” He said with almost a whisper.
Chuuya dropped the bags that were in his hands down gently and came over to Dazai, who was still shaking like a leaf. He crouched over and used a gloved finger to remove the vomit at the corner of his mouth. He cupped his cheek and brushed his went bangs out of his face.
“Don’t try and speak. You hardly have a voice.”
Dazai nodded slightly. Chuuya saw his eyes were fighting to stay open.
“You threw up? Does your stomach hurt?” Chuuya knew the answer to that but he wanted Dazai to be honest with him for once.
Dazai hesitated but nodded anyway. “In lot of pain-” he coughed again. “….hurts.” He said with a shake in his voice.
“I know I’m sorry. Let’s bathe you and get you back into bed. Can I do that for you?”
Dazai nodded and let Chuuya help him stand. He started the bath for him and grabbed a clean pair of pajamas, along with a new set of bandages.
Dazai just watched Chuuya silently poured bubbles into the water. He looked down at the floor and zoned out for a moment- thinking about nothing really. His mind was still mostly mush.
He was pulled out of his daze when Chuuya nudged him. He looked up at him and stood up slowly undressing himself.
Chuuya helped his remove the bandages. He was guided to the tub and stepped in, adjusting to the temperature.
Chuuya washed his body down and all Dazai could do was stare off into space and occasionally cough into his elbow.
“Close your eyes, I’m going to pour water over your head.”
Dazai did as instructed. He felt a hand block his sinus area and pour the water over his head. He gasped for a breath every time Chuuya refilled the cup until all the soap was washed from his head.
“Alright. Let me grab a towel. Don’t drown yourself.”
He heard Chuuya walk out of the bathroom. He just stared. Why was Chuuya helping him anyway. Didn’t he have an important mission? Why was he here wasting time on him? He could take care of himself. He didn’t like being alone but if he needed to he could. He suddenly felt guilty. He was wasting Chuuya’s time. He was burdening him. He felt his vision blur and tears spilled from his eyes. Why was he so pathetic and emotional? He was weak. He was showing weakness- he wasn’t allowed to. He shouldn’t be-
“Dazai.”
A stern voice pulled him out of his spiral. He looked up quickly and sniffled. He rubbed his nose with his arm and quickly wiped his eyes.
“What’s wrong?” Chuuya said as he came over and pulled at the plug in the drain. He waited for a response but sighed when he didn’t get one.
“Why were you crying? Are you in pain?” He asked again.
Dazai shook his head. “I wasn’t crying.” He said with a whisper.
Chuuya cupped his face and kissed his cheek. “I know you’re lying but I won’t pressure you to talk. Let’s get you dressed I’ll make you a warm cup of tea. Sound good?”
Dazai just nodded. He let Chuuya help him out of the tub. He sat in the toilet lid with a towel wrapped around him as Chuuya gently brushed his hair. After he was finished Chuuya gave him his clothes to change into. He helped him wrap his bandages around his scarred arms and then bridal carried him to the bed. He put the trashcan from the bathroom next to the bed and gave him an extra blanket.
“I’ll be right back. I’m going to make you some tea and then I’ll check your temperature.”
Dazai nodded again. He waited for Chuuya to leave before letting his thoughts wander off again. He hated how vulnerable he was when he was sick. Chuuya was really the only one he’d let see him like this but he still felt exposed and like he was burdening him. He let out a sneeze and rubbed his nose. Disgusting. He felt disgusting and terrible.
Chuuya came back with a cup of tea and a thermometer, along with what looked like pills Yosano might’ve given him earlier.
“Open your mouth.”
Dazai obliged. They waited for the beep and Dazai coughed again after the thermometer was taken from his mouth.
“Your fever kinda went down from earlier. That’s good, the bath must’ve helped.”
“Mhm.” Was all Dazai could say. His voice sounded awful and he knew if he talked anymore he’d probably completely lose it. He needed to rest it as much as he could.
“Here, your shitty agency doctor gave me these. They’re supposed to help with your symptoms.”
He held the pills in his hand and stared at them. He looked at Chuuya with uncertainty.
“Don’t worry, look I’ll take them too.” He didn’t need them, but whatever made Dazai take the medicine he supposed.
Dazai felt a little less anxious about the pills in his hand and took them quickly, swallowing them down with the warm tea. He coughed at the bitter taste.
“Drink your tea. I have to do some paperwork. I’ll be in the living room.”
He began to walk out but Dazai grabbed onto his hand. He turned back and rubbed his cheek. “I won’t go far I promise. I’m taking a few days off work so I have to do the paperwork at home.”
“Why?” Dazai croaked.
“I’m taking care of you, darling.” He said sweetly with a smile. Dazai’s mouth opened with surprise but he closed it and nodded in understanding. He let go of the chibis hand and let him leave the room.
~
Someone was chasing him. He didn’t know who it was. Go away, go away. They wouldn’t leave him alone. It was dark. All he could see are red eyes. Leave me alone!
He couldn’t see. He was scared. What was happening? He heard sirens and loud explosions.
He was suddenly strapped to a table. He saw a familiar figure- Mori. He shook his legs violently. Mori held him down and brought the needle closer to his arm. He wanted to scream but his mouth was gagged.
He gave up. He was tired.
“Good boy. We will see how this one with make you react. Next time, don’t get sick on the job. You should’ve said something if you were feeling well Dazai.”
He wanted to cry but all he could do is sit there. He felt the needle stab into his arm…
~
He gasped. He looked around quickly just to see he was in what he recognized to be Chuuya’s apartment. Right, it was just a dream. A stupid fever dream.
He felt sweaty and tired. He coughed into his elbow before he heard footsteps rushing into the room.
“Osamu?” Chuuya called. “I heard you gasping. What happened?”
Dazai cleared his throat. “J’st a nightmare chibi.” He grimaced at the taste of phlegm in his throat.
He nodded and brushed his red hair back with his hand. “I finished my paperwork. Are you hungry?”
Dazai shook his head. He wasn’t hungry at all.
“I still think you should at least eat some crackers.”
Dazai sighed. “Fine.”
Chuuya smiled. “Seems like you’re starting to get your voice back.”
Dazai nodded. It wasn’t really coming back but his throat felt less scratchy. Whatever medicine Yosano gave him was surely working.
“I’ll be back.”
Dazai blinked.
How long has he been out of it? He was aware again but he didn’t remember much up until now.
He must’ve been out of it all day. It was currently dark out.
Chuuya returned with some saltine crackers and a bottle of water. He sat next to him in the bed and scrolled through his phone, glancing to make sure Dazai was at least attempting to eat.
“Chuuya I’m not hungry.” He said with a whisper.
“Okay. At least eat two more.”
Dazai nodded and slowly ate the two crackers. He felt sick to his stomach.
“I think if I eat more I’ll puke.” He said nasally.
“It’s fine. You don’t need to finish it.”
Dazai took the water and sipped on it. He lied back onto the pillow and closed his eyes. He felt a hand in his hair and fell asleep due to the soothing sensation.
~*~
When his eyes opened again, it was what he assumed to be a few hours after midnight. He pulled his phone from off the nightstand and winced at the bright light. He was right- it was around two-thirty. He turned over to see Chuuya fell asleep with his phone in his hand. He felt bad. He was so busy taking care of Daza and doing his work that he didn’t even have time to get himself ready for bed. He must’ve been exhausted.
Dazai coughed into his elbow before slowly getting up. He was met with the same dizziness from earlier but it subsided quickly. He could feel bile rising into his throat. He sighed and got up. He didn’t want to make any noise by vomiting in the garbage so he used his energy to walk to the bathroom.
He didn’t vomit as much as earlier- it was just the crackers he ate. He frowned to see they hardly digested. The flu mixed with his already horrible eating habits were the cause of this. His body wasn’t able to digest his food properly.
He flushed the toilet and stood up. He looked in the mirror and felt nauseated at the sight before him. He was so pale- he looked dead. His eyes were sunken in and his eyebags were ten times worse than usual. Beads of sweat gathered on his forehead and was shaking slightly. He looked like a damn zombie.
He sighed and splashed some water onto his face. He was still sick as hell, but he was able to move around with support. He walked out of the room quietly and attempted to make himself a cup of tea. His limbs still felt heavy as hell and he dropped a cup. It made a loud noise as it crash to the floor and shattered.
“Shit.” He cursed under his breath. He bent over to clean up the glass but was hit with a wave of extreme dizziness. His vision blurred and his head pounded.
The medicine must’ve worn off or something. And it hit him really badly. His vision blacked out completely and he nearly fell face first into the glass. He felt two strong arms catch him.
His vision came back- still blurry but was back nonetheless.
“What are you doing out of bed? And you almost cut yourself on the glass.”
Dazai wheezed for a moment and then spoke. “I wanted more tea. Dropped the cup and then my vision blacked out. My head..hurts- so bad.” Every word he spoke felt like sandpaper on his tongue and his head was pulsating heavily.
“You could’ve woken me up. You’re still sick as fuck Dazai.”
“You looked peaceful….you must be-“ he coughed into Chuuya chest. “Tired.”
Chuuya nodded. “I am but you aren’t feeling well. You don’t need to feel bad for letting me take care of you.”
Dazai hummed. He knew that but he couldn’t help but still feel bad.
“Let’s get you back in bed. I’ll clean this up and bring you more tea.”
Dazai nodded. “Okay. Sorry.”
Chuuya shook his head. “No reason to be sorry it’s not your fault.”
~
The next day was somewhat better. He could see clearly and think somewhat clearer. He still felt sick as hell but he could actually move around without having dizzy spells. He hasn’t vomited and could actually stomach down soup.
He was sitting on the couch watching a show, a blanket wrapped around his body while Chuuya did more boring executive paperwork.
“Hey Chuuya?”
Chuuya pauses and looked up.
“Yeah?”
“Thank you for taking care of me.”
Chuuya smiled and shuffled close to Dazai. He kissed him on the lips and Dazai blushed. Not from his lowered fever.
“Don’t do that- you could get sick.”
“I don’t get sick as easily as you do bastard. I can kiss you as much as I want.”
Dazai smiled.
“And of course. I’ll always take care of you. I mean- you’d do the same.”
“I would?”
Chuuya nodded. “And you do. Every time. After corruption. Even on the rare occurrences i get sick.
Dazai smiled again.
The rest of the afternoon consisted of chatting amongst the two and ended in them both cuddling on the couch, watching the show together.
~
After a few days, Dazai almost completely got over his illness. He still has a cough and his voice was still not in the best condition but as long as he took it easy he was allowed back at work.
“So Dazai… are you and that redheaded executive.. a thing?” Asked Kunikida curiously.
Dazai’s eyes widened in surprise. He chuckled warmly. “If that’s what you want to call it.”