Work Text:
Levi learned his first big lesson about romance from the nice lady who sold penny candy on Karst Street.
She was a whore, obviously. She used her shitty sweets cart as an excuse to skulk around the taverns until the drunks were ready to stumble into her skirts. Levi hadn't minded. At nine years old, he'd been fond of penny candy, and pickpockets needed reasons to wait for the drunks too. Big marks were easier to rush when they weren't thinking straight.
One day, Levi worked up the nerve to ask the lady a nosy question.
"D'you actually like any of them?" He said, as he sucked the last of the powdered sugar off of a wax paper wrapper.
A man and his wife passed by. The lady bent to wipe Levi's face, so as to avoid drawing their attention. Levi guessed that meant the guy was a client.
"It's easy to tell when a girl likes someone, kid." The lady said. "She still charges, but she makes sure to know exactly how much the prick can pay without his wallet hurting."
"That's not what I asked," Levi complained.
The lady smacked him lightly upside the head.
"Get back to work," she said, so Levi did. Night was coming, and he intended to bed down with more than starch and sawdust in his belly. Hunger was for slower, stupider kids, who had to fake blind and spend the day begging.
+++
Years later, Levi learned his second big lesson about romance after a vigorous round of post-mission fucking.
Hange's friendship came with many benefits. Usually, those benefits involved sneak previews of the latest slaughtering technology, but sometimes they meant screwing until Levi's dick was so raw that he forgot how many people he'd seen devoured in the last twenty-four hours. It was an arrangement that worked out well for both of them.
At least, right up until the sex was done.
Hange stunk like someone flung a spunk rag into an abattoir and, worse, she'd flung her arm around so that his nose was pressed into the downy hair of her left pit. No dignified cuddling for Levi. His was a life of reeking desperation.
"Get off me." Levi grunted. "I need to take a shower."
"Nope."
"Is your nose as shitty as your eyes?"
"Nah, it's way shittier. I broke it last month, remember?" Hange clutched him tighter. He could feel the cum dripping out of her pussy and onto his thigh, oh god, why was this happening to him. "Come on, Levi. Stop being delicate and enjoy the afterglow."
"I won't."
"You will if you can breathe a bit." Hange pointed to the ceiling, as though the answer were obvious.
Levi to stopped whining and pull himself up to sit with his back to the headboard. Hange slid down so that her head was in his crusty pubes. There was something seriously wrong with this woman. He'd seen her burn her tongue licking titan spit.
Still. She'd known how far to push his tolerance. It was nice, here, with the weight of her body and the sound of her breathing. A reminder that you could be still without being dead.
Levi's muscles burned from the day's exertion. He undid Hange's ponytail, and ran a hand through her limp, sweaty hear. It made him feel more than a little smug to see her so subdued.
"You like me," Levi said, endorphins overcoming his good sense.
"Eh?" Hange said. "But you're so high maintenance. Why would you figure that?"
"Because you're acting like a whore with a crush."
When Hange burst into wild laughter instead of (rightfully) kicking his bare ass out of her quarters, Levi was pretty sure that was his sign to like her back.