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According to teen romance flicks, your first time has fifty-fifty odds of being magical perfection or a hilarious disaster. You and Terezi get the disaster, made more hilarious by the way her dick squirms around like an enthusiastic but really confused invertebrate while she rides you. Hilarious suits your idiom, though. It's all good. Even her giggles feel great when she's sitting on your dick while she does it.
So that's your first time: fucking awesome. Your second, third, and fourth times continue the trend, charting a steady upward trajectory into the awesome stratosphere. And then you hit some turbulence. Naked.
You're rolling around in her plushie nest, both of you bare-assed, while she licks you in places that shouldn't be so sensitive (the rim of your ear, seriously?) and you lose the battle for stoicism with at least a little bit of dignity, you hope. Then you squirm your way between her thighs, and suddenly her hand is braced against you, right below your belly button, like she's holding you at bay. "Dave," she says, and she's alarmingly likely to be serious when she uses your name, "let's do it the other way this time."
"Sure," you say, rolling onto your back. You like her on top just fine.
"No," she says, nudging a knee between yours, "like this," and she's wiggling determinedly between your thighs and her bulge is dripping on you and oh. Wait.
"Whoa, sorry to have to rain on the parade there, Rez, but I'm not exactly equipped," you say, starting to sit up. "Afraid humans don't come with the full ac/dc hookup the way you guys do."
She makes the the court is not impressed with your shenanigans face. "You can't tell me you don't know how it works," she says. "Or are you afraid I don't know how? I alchemized some extra lubricant and everything!"
You open your mouth and then for once you can't think of anything to say, and you shut it again. It takes a second for your mind to rally. "Wow, okay, ready to turn up the heat and move into kinky territory, huh? Bored with fitting parts together in ways that would more or less make sense assuming we were the same species to begin with, which I admit makes the whole conceit a little strained, but seriously I hadn't gotten the impression that trolls were into that kind of thing, I mean if nothing else Karkat would have five hundred different colorful ways to refer to it in unrelated conversation—"
"I've done research!" Terezi announces.
"Research." Your voice picks now to crack, of all times.
"I have scoured the remains of your human internet," she says, "and I have discovered such videos."
For one incredibly awful second you are thinking about Terezi licking virtual porn star asshole, and then mercifully your brain locks up and is incapable of continuing that parade of horrors any further.
"Let me just—let me think about it?" you say, and you didn't mean it to sound like a question but she's pouting, shit, you hate disappointing her. "It's just a big step to spring on a guy, is all."
She pats your hip, mock serious. "For you," she says gravely, "I'll wait."
You ease back into what passes for normal between a homegrown all-American boy and his psycho cutie alien girlfriend, and the awesome equilibrium turns out to be fairly easy to reestablish. It's still great the way you've been doing it, and Terezi doesn't seem too disappointed in your failure to jump at the chance to get reamed.
The feeling like you've failed a test still haunts you afterward, though, barely present in the corner of your mind like the shadow of some flash-stepping douche trying to get the drop on you. No matter how many times you reassure yourself that you were telling the truth, that it is a big step, you're still vaguely disappointed in yourself. You're already bumping uglies with chick from another universe, and you're going to get hung up on which uglies are bumping where?
So that's why you wind up reenacting the prelude to approximately 17% of all porn in existence and playing with yourself in the shower. You know at least basically how it's supposed to go—shit, you grew up practically bathed in weird fetishy porn, sometimes less metaphorically than was strictly comfortable, and a dude fingering his asshole barely registered on the scale. It was pretty much inevitable that you'd try something kinky eventually.
You brace your forearm on the tile and lean into it, total twink porn star as you run the soap-slippery fingers of your other hand up the crack of your ass. No, just fucking chill, you can do this. It takes a couple false starts, maybe, where you sneak up on it and then...change your mind at the last second, what, no, just petting, absolutely no plans for penetration around here. Finally you run out of patience with your own squeamishness, which is almost like relaxing, and you push.
It feels weird, in a really underwhelming way. You're really tight right there at the pucker, and then a little ways in it goes from clenching muscle to just incredibly soft. It makes you sort of squirmy to have the muscle held open when it defaults to closed, and for all of Akwete Purrmusk's exciting adventures, you can't find the mythical ~perfect spot~ that's supposed to be up there somewhere.
Ultimately, you're not sure what all the fuss is about.
You spend the rest of the day really conscious of your asshole. (You'll take Statements entirely full of what the fuck for 400, Alex.) It doesn't hurt—internet humor has lied to you, and your trust is shattered forever—but you're really aware of it. You can feel your heartbeat there. You know what it feels like to have something push into your ass.
You almost wish it had hurt, because then you'd have a good excuse to shut down this line of questioning. Instead you have a bad case of nerves and a sneaking feeling that you're almost sure would be curiosity if it would slink out into the light where you could face it straight on. Terezi's bulge would feel different than your finger, you're pretty sure. It's all...squirmy, and way smoother than your callused hands. Would that be different enough to make it good?
Okay, no, if you're honest with yourself that's not even the bar you're setting. If it feels not bad and it's a thing she really wants, that's probably enough for you to try it. You can picture her between your legs, wearing that big delighted grin, the one that's ridiculous and gloating but kind of goofy and sincere, too. You think about those whimpering crooning noises she makes when she's close, and like. Okay. The idea that she might sound like that while she's screwing your ass—your dick is willing to take that hypothesis into practical testing.
Jesus, you're going to let your girlfriend fuck you in the ass.
If you sit around waiting and fussing at the idea, you're going to make yourself more neurotic than Rose already insists you are. So when the next meeting of the Can Town Justice League adjourns and you follow Terezi back to her room for a little more personal laying down the law, you figure it's time to sweep a babe off her feet with your intent to fulfill all her kinky fantasies.
"I'll do it," you blurt out as she slides her hands up under your shirt.
Terezi stops, her eyebrows arching above the rims of her shades. "It, coolkid?"
You are suave and compelling as an entire crate full of marbles dropped on the factory floor by a careless minimum-wage goon to clatter and roll their way into the machinery for millions of dollars worth of damage and industrial injury. "Switch. Drop trou and spread 'em. Bend over and bite the pillow and those don't really go together but I promise the sentiment stands. You want to get your trouser snake in through the back door, you get nothing but the finest grade A virgin asshole. If—"
She goes up on her tiptoes and kisses you, and thank fuck she knows when you need a little help shutting up. You might never get tired of kissing Terezi Pyrope. She tastes just slightly tangy when her tongue slips into her mouth, and her teeth are the kind of hazardous environment that makes you feel alive. When she runs her sharp nails up your back, so light they're barely touching, you shiver all down your spine.
You get each other down to your boxers before it gets awkward again. Somehow you're just kinda... not ready to take that last step and get out of them, and she seems to be trying not to pressure you, like a good boyfriend, so you get down in the pile with two thin layers of cotton between your virtue and her love muscle.
Okay, that thought makes you lose it, laughing helplessly into her mouth. She grins against your lips and you can feel the prickle of her teeth just a little and somehow that's familiar enough to be comforting. "Something you want to share with the court?" she asks.
"I think it gets lost in translation," you say. "Love muscle is inherently less funny when it does move on its own."
Terezi licks your cheek, and you make a face. "I think it's sufficiently ridiculous in any translation."
You wipe your cheek on her shoulder. "You know just what to say to a girl."
You ease back into making out, distracting yourself with the soft press of her tits, the plush smoothness of her skin. Her hands wander, tracing patterns across your back, and her bulge starting to squirm against your dick feels good if you don't try to freak yourself out about it. When her fingertips slide under the elastic of your boxers you take slow breaths and remind yourself you're cool with this.
Girl knows what she wants, you have to give her that. She cups your ass in one hand and squeezes, and you shiver a little. You're cool with this. It's kinky but it's not like she's going to hurt you. She's going to fuck you, that's all. Terezi's going to fuck you. The thought is hotter when she's there, when you can smell her getting wet and hear the soft noises she makes in her throat as she gets turned on.
You tense up again all the same when she strokes her way into your asscrack, touching skin that's way too sensitive, finding your pucker and just... petting it, while you hold onto her a little more tightly than you might want to admit to. "Rez," you say, and it comes out a whine.
"I'll be careful," she promises. The slow petting is starting to make you a little crazy with waiting for more, with expecting it and not getting it. "I want to do it right."
"You said you made lube," you say. She nods. "Get it."
She lets go of you and goes after it, and you kick your boxers off. Little Dave is cautiously optimistic about the proceedings, not quite ready for action but taking an interest. You give yourself a couple of slow pulls while you watch Terezi shimmy out of her boxers and toss them aside. You spread your legs and she crawls up between them. You're staring at her bulge. It gets a lot thicker than your finger toward the base.
"Like this?" Terezi says as she reaches for you again. Her fingers are slippery in the crack of your ass this time, sliding a lot more easily, and the wet warmth kind of feels good in a weird, squirmy way. You figure you'll keep your hand on your dick for now. Can't hurt anything, right?
"Yeah," you say, when it registers that she asked you a question. "We're good." You rock your hips a little when she circles your hole again, but she doesn't take the hint. She's still not in you, just touching. "Come on, go for it."
"You can't rush perfection," Terezi says, and you're pretty sure she's throwing your own words back at you even if you can't remember when exactly you said that. If she thinks you're going to lose your nerve or beg her for it—okay she might be able to manage that second thing if she really tried. She splays her other hand flat across your stomach. "Breathe," she says.
"Dude, I am such a pro at breathing, you don't even know." You try not to let yourself tense, because you know that means she's about to—her finger presses in just the tiniest bit, not even all the way past the muscle, and then retreats again. Your breath hisses between your teeth. "Fuck, Rez."
She beams, that goofy smile that convinced you to try this in the first place. "No complaints so far?" She does the barely-pushing thing again and your dick twitches.
"Just w-wondering what you're waiting for," you say, and wish your voice were steadier. "Gonna take all night at this rate."
Terezi's smile turns mischievous. "Maybe I want to take it slow, and savor every moment of the experience! I've heard first times are supposed to be special for humans."
You're blushing hard enough that you're sure she can smell it. She loves being able to do that to you. "Yeah, gonna lay me out on a bed of roses and talk sweet nothings, coax me into surrendering my maidenhood to your worldly charms?"
"Dave, I will take the best care of your maidenhood," Terezi says, and you couldn't ask for a better girlfriend, and then she pushes her finger far enough into your ass to get all the way past the muscle. Whatever you were going to say back turns into a noise like ngkh. Terezi trills.
"Like that, huh?" you manage, and you sound sort of funny. "Gonna feel good to get your bulge up there?"
"Yes," she says, and the straightforward honesty of it shakes you. Her bulge is squirming between her legs, leaving smears of turquoise alien love goo on her belly and her thighs, and it sinks in all at once how much it means for her to be going this slowly with you. Trolls are wired for fuck-or-die. They get going fast. But she's taking her time and being careful and not even hinting that she might want you to get a move on. You have the best alien girlfriend in all of paradox space.
"You can take it a little faster," you say. "I wanna get to the good part too."
She strokes your stomach gently, like she knows just how much you're not saying there, but she doesn't make you actually talk about it. She fingers your ass with lavish, devoted attention, careful and steady, coaxing you to relax until even your autonomic nervous system is pretty sure she's okay. You don't so much get used to it as you get okay with it, making peace with the weirdness, an enlightened sage of mystical buttfucking philosophy.
Then Terezi's fingers ease out of your ass and your glimpse of nirvana evaporates. "Fuck," you say, "that's weird." Because it is—it shouldn't be, but it is. Having her not up your ass anymore is just as unnerving as having her there in the first place.
"Here," she says. "Does this fix it?" She scoots closer, and you lift your legs as she presses up between them. God, you're on your back with your legs in the air and that's your girlfriend's alien dick probing at your asshole, and your cock jumps in your hand at the touch. You carefully box up all thoughts of tentacle hentai and cram them into a very dark corner of your mind where they won't get in the way.
Her bulge wiggles its way in a little and you tilt your hips up. She undulates, which is one of those words you always thought was uncalled for, but it turns out you had just never met the situation it was invented for. You breathe, and she works her way slowly deeper. There's a blush spreading across her cheeks and she has her lower lip caught between her sharp little fangs.
"So?" you ask. "Living up to your wildest xeno expectations?"
"You sound so—proud of yourself," Terezi says, and wow, now you're sure proud of yourself, with that breathless catch in her voice. Her bulge twists, and you shudder. She grins. "Is this the part where I tell you how tight you are?"
You flush hot all over. "Yeah. Yeah, this is definitely that part." Her fingers already felt different than yours, just the strangeness of having the sensation out of your direct control, but her bulge is a completely different experience. It ripples in your ass, this boneless, constantly shifting pressure.
Terezi makes a low, trollish sex noise that melts into words at the end. "You're so tight, Dave," she croons. "So tight and so warm." Her expression turns teasing for a second but when she goes on, "I want to fill you up," it's completely, unironically scorching hot.
"Do it," you say, and your voice cracks but fuck it, nobody's judging. "Go on, I can take more. Stuff me with that big thing."
Her fingers dig into your hips hard enough that her nails might break skin. You're not the only one who likes dirty talk, noted. Her bulge... throbs, pulses, does porno verbs further into your ass, so you're starting to feel the stretch and the weird sense of fullness that goes with it. You are getting so done right now.
But that's good, right, it's—maybe that's the spot you're supposed to love so much, that hungry pressure nudging at the base of your dick? You squirm, trying to get more of that, and Terezi gets deeper (thicker, bigger, oh fuck) in you. Your hand falters on your dick as you get distracted by how she feels, by the fact that you actually sort of really like it. Her bulge coils in a way that rubs right where you want it to, and you groan.
"That's how you like it?" Terezi asks, breathy and clicking. She does that really sexy coil again and your back arches up off the pile.
"Yes," you gasp. "Holy shit, yes, that's how I like it, Rez, fuck me," and saying that sends a thrill down your nerves all by itself. She doesn't piston inside you the way you figure a human guy would, just keeps up with that liquid twist and squirm, and it feels better every time she does it. You're thrusting into your hand while she wrecks you, thick bulge twisting in your ass and working your dick from the inside. She has her hands under your knees, holding your legs up and spread, and when she takes those slow deep breaths you know she's taking in the picture you make as you give it up for her.
"Dave," she says, "Dave," her voice totally wrecked with the harshness of troll sounds.
"Yeah, babe, wanna make you come," you say, "give it to me, come on, give it to me," and she bites her lip hard enough to draw blood, and you know those shivers, that tension all up her spine—and then she's coming, howling, spilling technicolor spooge everywhere and pumping it into you, fuck—
"Don't pull out," you plead, scrabbling for a grip on her, when it looks like she's starting to shift her weight back. "Close, I'm close, I just need—stay there, please—"
Terezi purrs at you. "I'm here," she says. "You got me." She slides one hand down your thigh and cups your balls, massaging them so gently you can't decide if that's terrible or perfect. They're pulling tight, all of you is pulling tight, muscles shaking and your ass clenching around her bulge, everything hot and sloppy and good and your brain turns to pure static as you come all over yourself.
You lie there like you're dead until Terezi starts to pull out. "Nngf," you complain then, but she doesn't appear to accept that argument. She squirms free of you and then flops down in the pile, one arm thrown over your waist, sharp little chin digging into your shoulder.
"Mmmn," she says, and you suppose you can see her point. You need all the showers. You're going to walk funny for days. You don't think you can walk at all right now, at least not without a lot of wobbling. The pounding beat of your blood slows gradually, one-twenty bpm down to one hundred, down to eighty, down to chill dude who is totally relaxed here.
You manage to lift one arm and run it down her back, following the little spinal-column valley between planes of muscle. "So," you say, casual as possible, "was it good for you?"
Terezi sighs happily. She rests her hand over your heart. "Today," she says with dreamy seriousness, "I am truly a man."
The laughter catches you off-guard, breaking free while your poker face is still nowhere in evidence. Terezi starts to giggle along with you, though, and you just let it happen. This time you think you might have gotten it perfect.