Curious_panda
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Summary
While Chad is trying to be a good person by escorting Robert home, they get hit by a superpower that makes it very painful for them to be more than a few feet apart. In trying to figure out how to be together under these new conditions, they learn a lot more about each other and slowly fall in love.
Or, the Reverse Social Distance AU that emmasmoke8 keeps yapping about on Tumblr
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Trigger Warning: Implied/referenced self-harm, body dysmorphic disorder, jokes about murder/suicide, more to be added- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 58,048
- Chapters:
- 8/17
- Collections:
- 1
- Comments:
- 496
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- 1,241
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- 253
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- 16,426
Bookmarked by Curious_panda
25 Jan 2026
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Robert thought that his life couldn't get any more stressful.
He was wrong. Very very wrong, and it was only the beginning of his lifelong troubles.
But maybe he could have a couple of shiny consolation prizes at the end, if he played his cards right and didn't fold.
Series
- Part 1 of Can't Get You Out Of My Head
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 28,345
- Chapters:
- 8/8
- Comments:
- 208
- Kudos:
- 2,285
- Bookmarks:
- 428
- Hits:
- 30,687
Bookmarked by Curious_panda
21 Jan 2026
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Turns out, HR is a real thing in SDN. Turns out, they like to blackmail their own employees into agreeing to a documentary about their rag tag group of fuck ups turned marketable heroes.
Also, turns out the Internet loves a good sexy, miserable, tired and overworked man.
Cue Robert Robertson, entering stage left.
Aka the world discovers Robert and maybe Z-team does too, in a more intimate way.
Bookmarked by Curious_panda
21 Jan 2026
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Robert Robertson has, spontaneously, become ten years old.
“What’s not legal? Employing a man? Ask him why he can’t drive his own damn self back from the station!”
“Well, he’s ten, sir. Ten year olds aren’t allowed to work.” There was a long pause, then an unsubtle cough. “Or drive.”
Hands on her hips, Blazer slammed to a halt, face expectant. Chase silently counted down from ten in his head, then took a long, calming breath.
“Let me get this straight. Robert Robertson is at your police station, and he is visibly ten years old?”
Blazer startled, anger evaporating in a blink.
Bookmarked by Curious_panda
21 Jan 2026
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lets go gambling! AW, dangit! AW, dangit! AW, dang-- by Faisalliot
Fandoms: Dispatch (Video Game)
04 Jan 2026
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Post the Red Ring's night of terror and his subsequent, extended recovery, Robert finds out that he has 'mysteriously' established enough rapport with his Z-team to integrate "positive reinforcement tactics" without getting ruthlessly mocked when they start acting up. He figures out a reward system they'll actually be interested in; gambling-adjacent with guaranteed wins of information. That this takes the form of a stupid spinning wheel they can only spin by performing prosocial actions, with strict spinning limits, is hilariously unimportant.
Never in Robert's wildest dreams would he have imagined this would evolve into the modem through which the team all fuck their way up into becoming good people and actual friends, but really, he should've seen it coming. EVERYTHING about this job and this team had blown his expectations to the fucking stratosphere.
Now if only they could keep Robert out of it, he wouldn't be so spooked. He's having enough trouble ducking under their radar as it is.
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OR: the series of unfortunate events through which Robert, despite best efforts, accidentally cons himself into being known and loved by his friends--um, ever-reliable team and coworkers.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 19,067
- Chapters:
- 4/?
- Collections:
- 1
- Comments:
- 202
- Kudos:
- 655
- Bookmarks:
- 177
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- 8,069
Bookmarked by Curious_panda
21 Jan 2026