SproutPog
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Summary
Your life wasn't all that bad. You had money, something of a social life, and an unwavering bloodlust. Pretending to be human was hard work, but it quickly became worth it when you meet an interesting trio one night at a generic gas station located near a small and quiet town™. And then you meet a few of their other friends. And apparently, their boss is some eldritch dude with serious issues. Yeah, this is fine.
How hard can it be, surrounded by inhumane killers, and pretending you're not one yourself?
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After a minor car accident, you start frequenting a physiotherapy clinic where a particular skeleton gives you the worst massages you could've ever imagined.
Then, at your weekend job as a radio host, you start getting calls from a physiotherapist, who happens to be a really funny guy.
What are the odds that these two events are related?
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You and Columbo are happily married. A little sexlessly too.
After being asked a totally invasive question, Columbo realizes how long it's been since he got any action. Not like he needs any, it just- bugged him this time. So, after being interrupted one too many times, he also realizes why it's been so long.
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An average walk in the park turns into a not-so-average run-in with a certain loveable detective.
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An unfortunate accident one dark winter night sweeps you off your feet and leads you into a chance encounter with a house full of skeletons! They’re charming, witty and punny all around, but for reasons only known to you - you escape their friendliness intending to never step foot near the woods, or the skeletons, again… or that was the plan at least. What you couldn't have expected was that they're rather stubborn, and for some reason very intent on befriending you? No matter how much you avoid them or how many excuses you provide - they just keep popping up?! Why you?! Why now? And why are there so many?!
Will you be able to ward off your new skeleton suitors and keep your age old secrets, or will you succumb to their wily charms and submit yourself to their affections despite your unnatural circumstances? Will you be able to come to terms with befriending them or will you abandon it all, leaving them and all they are in the dark…
A tale as old as time, in which the reader goes through all 5 stages of grief trying to avoid the skeletons, with very little success and a ridiculous amount of shenanigans.