TortleToodle
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Summary
Alastor pays a visit to an elusive overlord who managed to monopolize the pharmaceutical industry of the Pentagram under the nose of its oblivious denizens. He wasn't expecting to reacquaint himself with Rosie's little wallflower from all those years ago.
Nor did he expect to find you quite so charming.
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Most people don't need an ancient Sumerian ritual to summon their estranged husband, but desperate times call for desperate measures.
The residents of the Hazbin Hotel will need archaic forbidden magic to protect all of Hell from destruction. These pompous modern overlords have forgotten the ways of the elder ones, but they'll learn the hard way from the woman who won her freedom from an ancient demon and got him to put a ring on it. Amicable separations are for mature adults—and nobody is more mature than the woman who was once offered as a human virgin sacrifice, thank you very much.
You just need the Radio Demon to stop sticking his nosy antlers where they don't belong. He is burnt sugar and bad intentions, and baby, you've seen it all before.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 141,354
- Chapters:
- 22/?
- Comments:
- 291
- Kudos:
- 681
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- 166
- Hits:
- 19,831
Bookmarked by TortleToodle
23 Mar 2026
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Reigen will preach respect to everyone willing to hear his wisdom.
You, however, he’s been negging since day one.
Bookmarked by TortleToodle
07 Mar 2026
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once more with feeling by sometimesiship
Fandoms: SPY x FAMILY (Manga), SPY x FAMILY (Anime)
01 Jan 2024
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Twilight has two simple rules: No unnecessary touching and no unnecessary lying. They've gotten him through the cognitive dissonance that playing house creates, and finally, after four years, peace between Ostania and Westalis is within reach. He just has to kill one man—a man guarded by none other than Thorn Princess.
But when identities are revealed and loyalties come to light, the rules no longer apply. As all three Forgers navigate the minefield that their home life has become, the line between Twilight and Loid begins to blur, begging the question: if your fake wife is the final boss and your pretend daughter knows your every thought, is peace even an option?
Oh, and don't forget about the damn dog.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 159,789
- Chapters:
- 37/37
- Collections:
- 2
- Comments:
- 1,704
- Kudos:
- 5,202
- Bookmarks:
- 1,251
- Hits:
- 179,373
Bookmarked by TortleToodle
21 Feb 2026
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“You have got to be kidding me,” you mutter under your breath, though your voice sounds foreign to your own ears, slurred and dry.
“Well!” the voice bursts again, too bright, “I’ve never been summoned before, and certainly not like this!”You’ve... what now?
(Or, you summon a deer demon by mistake while drunk and having a manic-depressive episode!)
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 98,818
- Chapters:
- 12/?
- Collections:
- 1
- Comments:
- 150
- Kudos:
- 377
- Bookmarks:
- 79
- Hits:
- 9,597
Bookmarked by TortleToodle
06 Feb 2026
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When your favorite radio program is unexpectedly pulled from the air, you take it upon yourself to write the local broadcasting station a letter detailing your great offense at the tragedy.
You never expect it to bring about a life-altering battle of wits and wills with the darling of New Orleans radio.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 267,054
- Chapters:
- 37/?
- Collections:
- 1
- Comments:
- 2,885
- Kudos:
- 5,791
- Bookmarks:
- 979
- Hits:
- 193,420
Bookmarked by TortleToodle
18 Jan 2026
Bookmarker's Notes
GENUINELY PEAK. THE GREATEST ALASTOR FIC OF ALL TIME. I CAN ONLY HOPE YOU COME CLOSE YO CAPTURING SOMETHING THAT EVEN VAGUELY EMULATES THE RAPTUROUS DYNAMIC IN THIS FIC. OMG.