audreyoctopus
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Summary
It wasn’t the weirdest day Bob had had. Okay, so it definitely wasn’t normal, but neither was the time Felix had tied him and Mr Fischoeder up and left them to die. Neither was the time where they had all nearly been killed by a giant animatronic shark. Or the time he’d been kidnapped and held hostage on a cruise ship. Or the time they’d stolen some guy’s mannequin wife from a sex shop. Or the time -
Point was, zombies weren’t really out of the question, as far as Bob was concerned. Mustard-hating zombies were certainly more unusual than what he’d heard of before, but not the most unusual. All in all, it wasn’t a terrible day for Bob.
Of course, they were stuck at Wagstaff with Mr Frond and Tammy, and there was an active zombie apocalypse, but Bob was sure that the situation could be worse.
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Inspired by S14E09 "Fraud of the Dead: Zombie-docu-pocalypse".
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“Are you drunk?”
“What, because I said I’d kiss you?”
“Yes.”
“No, I’m not drunk. I’m tipsy, but I’m not a complete lightweight. And I would, you know.”
“Would what?”
“Kiss you,” Helen said. She put her drink down and stared across at Roz from across the table, her dark eyes serious and sparkling in the dim light.
Roz felt her heart skip a beat. “Go on then,” she said, before she lost her nerve.
“What?”
“Kiss me.”
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Helen and Roz go to the movies.
Series
- Part 3 of Risk
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Andrea didn’t know how much longer she could run for. The fear had kept her going so far, had kept the exhaustion at bay, but her lungs were burning, her legs aching, her heart hammering harder than it ever had in her life. She was running faster than she had from the farm. She longed for it to be only walkers chasing her. At least she knew what they would do if they caught her. But the Governor? He would kill her, certainly, but what would he do before that? She could survive walkers, but they were easier to survive than an angry man.
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Instead of trying to lose the Governor in the factory, Andrea tricks him.
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Zombification by audreyoctopus
Fandoms: Hunger Games Trilogy - Suzanne Collins, Hunger Games Series - All Media Types
08 Sep 2025
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“Are there any volunteers?” Pomponia asked, the boredom in her voice obvious. She knew, from her years of being the escort for District Six, that there wouldn’t be.
She was wrong.
Her mind made up, Iris stepped out of her section. The girls around her watched her warily, eying the cuffs. Iris took a deep breath, before thrusting her hands in the air, stretching them over her head. The cuffs protested the movement, but she ignored the pain, held herself tall and proud. “I volunteer as tribute.”
She wasn’t going to let anyone but herself choose her fate.
****
She was more than just a Morphling, once.
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Summary
Helen hated being sick. She hated sitting at home and waiting for her body to stop throwing a tantrum. She hated thinking of the paperwork piling up on her desk, the client meetings she’d have to reschedule. What she usually did was carry on as normal until she collapsed or got better, whichever came first.
Whatever. At least she wasn’t a baby about it. William had been such a sook when he was sick - he’d get one little cold and whinge nonstop at her for a week until he got better. Helen didn’t miss that. She was better off without the cheating prick.
It did, however, mean that no one was there to force her to rest, and so, armed with tissues in every pocket of her brown suit, Euky Bearub slathered on her chest and feet, and a large pack of Butter Menthols in her bag, Helen went to work.
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Takes place somewhere in between S2 and S3.
Series
- Part 2 of Risk
Recent series
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Summary
Some Helen/Roz fics.
- Words:
- 6,838
- Works:
- 3
- Bookmarks:
- 1
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Crocodile Tears by audreyoctopus
Fandom Hunger Games Series - All Media Types, Hunger Games Trilogy - Suzanne Collins
25 May 2022
- Words:
- 141,261
- Works:
- 3
- Bookmarks:
- 10
Recent bookmarks
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The Eighth Year Universe by Holz9364, Mort623
Fandom Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling, Stargate Atlantis
15 Apr 2022
Summary
A series of stories covering the lives of Harry Potter and Daphne Greengrass, and Draco Malfoy and Hermione Granger.
Through the war, and the trials and tribulations of eighth year, Auror training and life as Aurors, Curse Breakers, politicians and Healers.
- Words:
- 2,305,325
- Works:
- 8
- Bookmarks:
- 452
Bookmarked by audreyoctopus
13 Feb 2026
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Summary
"Her name is...Hermione," Lucius pronounces the name very carefully, watching Voldemort as if for some reaction. He has none to offer. "She's in my son's year. And she claims to be your daughter."
Crack!AU where Lord Voldemort thinks Hermione Granger is his daughter.
Series
- Part 2 of and several bad jokes later
- Part 2 of all plates are cracked by mr nobody
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 13,757
- Chapters:
- 3/3
- Collections:
- 31
- Comments:
- 770
- Kudos:
- 12,867
- Bookmarks:
- 3,476
- Hits:
- 143,374
Bookmarked by audreyoctopus
05 Feb 2026
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Summary
Convinced that anti-muggle sentiment will interfere with her education at Hogwarts, an eleven-year-old Hermione makes the spontaneous decision to lie about her parentage. A wizarding genealogy book provides her with a handy list of pureblood names to choose from, and everything falls more or less into place. What could possibly go wrong?
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 19,828
- Chapters:
- 5/?
- Comments:
- 261
- Kudos:
- 1,384
- Bookmarks:
- 406
- Hits:
- 25,623
Bookmarked by audreyoctopus
05 Feb 2026
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chasing rainbows in my old consciousness (i never wanted) by sonic_theredwoodtree
Fandoms: Criminal Minds (US TV)
25 Dec 2025
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Summary
Eight months.
Eight whole months of Emily's death, and knowing that Emily was alive, just in Paris. JJ took comfort in the fact that Emily was still out there somewhere, and she clings to the fact that Emily was alive.
But six words from Hotch change everything.
Bookmarked by audreyoctopus
05 Feb 2026
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Tags
Summary
When a case in Cerry, TX goes horribly wrong, it's up to the only remaining members of the BAU to save their missing friends.
Will they be able to find Derek Morgan, Spencer Reid and Jennifer Jareau in time?
Series
- Part 1 of Apathy & Recovery
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 39,349
- Chapters:
- 12/12
- Collections:
- 2
- Comments:
- 88
- Kudos:
- 732
- Bookmarks:
- 98
- Hits:
- 17,251
Bookmarked by audreyoctopus
05 Feb 2026