12 Works by cabloom
Listing Works
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[Podfic] snipers solve 99% of all problems by cabloom, quietnight
Fandoms: Fullmetal Alchemist - All Media Types, Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
17 Sep 2025
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Ed had thought, after the whole Promised Day, homunculus, entire country harvested for alchemical batteries thing, the batshit quotient of his life would have settled down some. He really ought to have topped out the meter with that one. But no. The bullshit is just getting started.
“Are you fucking kidding me,” Ed demands. “The wizards?”
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He takes a deep breath and sighs it all out again. It's easier to do this without having to see her face. “It's my birthday,” he confesses.
To her credit, she doesn't immediately respond with some inanity about it being a happy occasion. It's never been particularly happy for Sanji. Not before he met Zeff and the two of them sort of inadvertently adopted each other, and not after, when it was nothing but a reminder of a painful past he'd rather have forgotten.
“Birthdays can be difficult,” she says, instead.
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“Never done this before, have you? Nice girl like you, course you been saving it.”
“Oh fucking shit.”
Sanji tuts. “Nice girls don’t talk like that, Zoro.”
The ship is becalmed and everyone is asleep except our boys. A story in which Zoro is demanding, hands are sexy, and Sanji might be catching feelings despite himself.
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Zoro can’t believe he's here, getting wasted with the greatest swordsman the world has ever known. So far.
They're several bottles in, and Zoro has taken up residence on the barstool next to him, matching him glass for glass, feeling the watery frills of that red shirt brush against his bare forearm every time he moves. The room has started gently spinning, the booze is strong, but the other man is watching him with something like grudging respect every time he finishes another glass of the stuff, so it's worth it.
This is great. He's going to get such a good grade in Dracule Mihawk.
So why can't he stop thinking about the damn cook?
Our intrepid crew finally reach Loguetown, where adventure - and danger - awaits them.
A fic in which Zoro is moping, Sanji is trying not to fall so hard he hurts himself, and Dracule Mihawk is the world's least willing relationship counsellor.
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“I’m not a pushover,” Zoro says, because this is important. He needs Sanji to know this. “I don’t let anyone tell me what to do, normally.” Before - before Luffy. And Zoro hadn’t realised that he was waiting for this, for someone to come along who was worthy of being his captain and commanding his loyalty. He didn’t realise how it would settle him, right to his core, like the weight of a perfectly balanced sword in his hand.
“Believe me,” Sanji says, “I know.”
“I’m not weak.”
He laughs. “No fucking shit. Some day I swear you’re going to cut the goddamn ocean in half.”
Zoro huffs a little laugh of his own and settles further into Sanji’s grip, a tension he didn’t realise he was carrying dissipating from his shoulders.
“I like it,” he admits, quietly. “I like that it hurts.”
Sanji’s eyes are softer than Zoro’s ever seen them. “I know that, too,” he says.
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Sanji will never let a man go hungry. Not even Zoro, who’s always hungry, who hungers for more than food. See, Sanji knows hunger. He knows it as intimately as the tongue knows the mouth. He can smell it a mile off, like bad shellfish; the way Zoro lingers in the kitchen doorway while Sanji cooks, the way he thumbs at the healing stitches in his chest and swallows a mouthful of nothing.
“You’re good with a knife,” he says, all rusty-voiced, while Sanji slices shallots.
“I’m fucking fantastic with a knife,” Sanji replies.
Somehow this has become a series!
This part is Sanji POV and features his trauma-flavoured weirdness with food and feeding people, his over-use of pet names with people he fancies (it's Zoro, Zoro is people) and his deft skill with knives that he doesn't use for fighting.
It also features Zoro's awkwardness when it comes to asking for what he wants, his unrecognised subby tendencies, his romantic and sexual inexperience, and his helpless masochism.
Bon appetit!
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He has to re-stitch it, in the end. Zoro lets it happen, though part of him wants to tell Sanji to keep his hands to himself, that the wound belongs to him and Mihawk, that he wants to keep it unadulterated. Wants to tell him that when he touches it, Zoro feels Mihawk’s touch in Sanji’s fingers as he did through Yoru’s blade.
Post-season one fic. Zoro's turned on by the memory of Mihawk cutting him open - Sanji lends him a hand about it.
Featuring Zoro's weirdly intense feelings about swords, his size-queen obsession with Mihawk's sword Yoru, his burgeoning sword-wound-based masochism, and his total inexperience with anything that's not sharp and pointy.
Also featuring chaotic bisexual Sanji's innate chivalry, his inability to stop either swearing or flirting, his over use of terms of endearment, and his thing for oblivious kinky disaster gays.
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To see a World in a Grain of Sand / And a Heaven in a Wild Flower / Hold Infinity in the palm of your hand / And Eternity in an hour.
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[Podfic] Incomplete by cabloom, quietnight
Fandoms: Wiedźmin | The Witcher (Video Game), Witcher 3 - Fandom
18 Sep 2019
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I had often wished for the chance to meet His Imperial Majesty, of course, but hardly under these circumstances. I’d really envisioned something more along the lines of a command performance for the court, or perhaps a ceremony of decoration as a Master of the Arts.
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Portrait #70 by cabloom, wishingwell44
Fandoms: Captain America (Movies), The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
28 May 2019
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Bucky Barnes always sketched. Sometimes it was landscapes, sometimes it was portraits of Steve Rogers. When taking a class to pass the time, Bucky ends up looking more into his past than he has ever done before, all because of one sketch he did one late night in Brooklyn.
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[Podfic] By Any Other Name by cabloom, quietnight
Fandoms: Wiedźmin | The Witcher (Video Game)
21 Feb 2019
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Vesemir wasn’t sure what he’d done to deserve any of this.
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[Podfic] Misethere by cabloom, quietnight
Fandoms: Wiedźmin | The Witcher (Video Game), The Witcher 3
02 Feb 2019
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Emhyr was looking at him for once, with a strange expression. “I have misjudged you,” he said, sounding irritated actually: how dare Geralt surprise him.
“I get that a lot,” Geralt said.