constipatedmuse
Fandoms
- Red Dwarf (UK TV) (5)
- The Umbrella Academy (TV) (3)
- Supernatural (TV 2005) (2)
- Lucifer (TV) (1)
- The Pitt (TV) (1)
Recent works
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Summary
Reader gets a migraine at work. Robby helps the reader, and when she's feeling better, Robby *helps* the reader.
(Reader is described as having curly hair long enough to play with. If your hair is straight, feel free to imagine you curled it, but I'm tired of reader-inserts running fingers through their hair. That's just not possible for some of us.)
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Brainy recently joined the DEO. You take out some anger on a White Martian, and Brainy is impressed and a little terrified.
I marked it teen because there is a suicide mention. It's a childhood friend, and it's literally just mentioned that that's how he died. There's nothing gory or detailed, but it's totally cool if you wanna skip. I'm just working through my own issues here.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 1,701
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Kudos:
- 14
- Hits:
- 170
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Summary
this is a quick blurb i wrote and have no idea what to do with.
Series
- Part 4 of I am the Rimmer simp
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Klaus Can't Be Tortured Because You Tortured Him as a Kid, Veggie by constipatedmuse
Fandoms: The Umbrella Academy (TV)
07 Apr 2021
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Summary
Christopher tries to torture the Umbrellas, but it turns out Klaus is un-tortureable because of the crap Veggie put him through as a kid. Klaus then throws a monkey wrench into Veggie's "new and improved" team.
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Summary
I didn't plan to make this pro-Ace. I actually rewrote it a couple of times, trying to make him the bad guy, but the parallels to Backwards (the novel) kept popping up, so I said "smeg it" and steered into the curve.
Series
- Part 3 of I am the Rimmer simp
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 1,148
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Kudos:
- 39
- Hits:
- 635
Recent series
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Summary
a bunch of unrelated simpings. I'm sure I'll keep adding to it.
- Words:
- 13,365
- Works:
- 5
- Bookmarks:
- 1
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how many morons does it take to stop the apocalypse? by constipatedmuse
Fandom The Umbrella Academy (TV)
15 Sep 2020
Summary
Reader is a Commission agent.
- Words:
- 2,507
- Works:
- 2
- Bookmarks:
- 2
Recent bookmarks
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This work isn't hosted on the Archive so this blurb might not be complete or accurate.
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Summary
Ken visits the real world after feeling like he needed connection he wasn’t finding in Barbieland, where he has met and befriended y/n. He has no place to stay, so you decide to let him stay with you until he can figure out things. You assume he is just a doll, definitely doesn’t have any, erm… well, genitals. And of course you find him fucking hot but never let him in on it….and then one day you come home to find Ken has innocently been watching a movie with a decently long sex scene in it, and….well, let’s say he is fascinated and encourageable.
- Bookmarks:
- 1
Bookmarked by constipatedmuse
13 May 2026
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Safety First by lonelyhourglass47
Fandoms: Project Hail Mary - Andy Weir, Project Hail Mary (2026)
27 Apr 2026
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Summary
“Golly,” he says, and you catch the wince that paralyzes his face for a split second at his silly wording. “Do you really think that after all this time, I’m not absolutely dying to touch you?”
His lips fit perfectly with yours. His beard rasps against your chin and his nose bumps your cheek, and his bangs (if you can call them that) tickle your forehead, but this is how you want it. His kisses are so darn tender, his lips so smooth. His hand lands warm on your thigh, and when you shift to urge his fingertips toward your hip, he breaks the kiss with a soft pop and his eyes flit back and forth between each of yours.
“Are you,” he asks almost in slow motion, “wearing any clothes under my sweater?”
Your lips bloom into a smile. You shake your head.
Bookmarked by constipatedmuse
10 May 2026
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Painted by lonelyhourglass47
Fandoms: Project Hail Mary - Andy Weir, Project Hail Mary (2026)
03 May 2026
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Summary
You breathe his name into his neck, dig your thumbs into his collarbones, leave a messy kiss on his jaw. His fingers stroke your clit. You moan, and it comes out as a sob. The warmth of him against your chest, the fullness inside you, the sound of his breathing in your ear—he makes sex feel like a hug.
“Look at me,” he implores. You tip your head back and feel your cheeks burn because he’s slow-blinking at you and licking his lips. “I want to fuck you on my desk,” he says. “Can I fuck you on my desk?”
Bookmarked by constipatedmuse
10 May 2026
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When did you get hot? by p1xel3d
Fandoms: Project Hail Mary (2026), Project Hail Mary - Andy Weir
06 May 2026
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Summary
Stranded lightyears from Earth with the one man you can’t stand, Dr. Ryland Grace, things were already unbearable.
Then an alien capsule decides to spice things up by dumping mystery dust straight into your lungs.
Now you’re both burning up, quarantines are failing spectacularly, and proximity is making everything… significantly worse. Or better. Depends who you ask.
Who knew saving humanity would be this awkward?Bookmarked by constipatedmuse
09 May 2026
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This work isn't hosted on the Archive so this blurb might not be complete or accurate.
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Summary
Summary: You are in the midst of formulating your dissertation, but you’ve hit a wall. Your doting aunt, Rebecca, has a solution that brings you face to face with Ahkmenrah, Fourth King of the Fourth King. As the connection between you and Ahkmenrah grows, and as the secrets of his ancient tablet unlock, the once-king will find himself faced with a difficult choice.
- Bookmarks:
- 1
Bookmarked by constipatedmuse
05 Oct 2025