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“Should call you the Ottawa Puppies,” says the Toronto centre, Svensson. As an insult it makes no sense, so Ilya ignores it, until he continues, “Hear Hollander keeps you on a short leash.”
Ilya is the captain, so if anything, he should be holding the leash. In English, you can be singular or plural, but he knows what Svensson is trying to say. He is saying Ilya Rozanov, you are Hollander’s bitch.
“Only sometimes,” Ilya replies, grinning. He wins the face off.
OR: Ilya trains himself to be a very, very good guard dog for Shane.
Series
- Part 1 of Dog
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 3,424
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Collections:
- 7
- Comments:
- 689
- Kudos:
- 18,883
- Bookmarks:
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Bookmarked by hellocavegoblin
09 Jan 2026
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please leave a message by Ravenesta
Fandoms: Heated Rivalry (TV), Game Changers Series - Rachel Reid
19 Dec 2025
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Sarah
Does anyone have the number for Shane's girl from Boston? I feel bad that they've been seeing each other for this long and we've never added her here.Jackie
Oh good point! Let me ask Hayden.Jackie has added Lily to the conversation
Lily
what
what is thisOr: Ilya Rozanov is, apparently, one of the girls.
Series
- Part 1 of You Have (81) Unread Messages
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 2,407
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Comments:
- 2,569
- Kudos:
- 72,504
- Bookmarks:
- 13,489
- Hits:
- 488,776
Bookmarked by hellocavegoblin
09 Jan 2026
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The boys go out drinking, things don't go exactly to plan
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"Well, it just so happened that not-straight Cartman had a massive crush on not-straight Kyle. So, he was seriously starting to get pissed off with having to watch Kyle rub his ass up against another guy’s crotch."
Bookmarked by hellocavegoblin
09 Jan 2026
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Grand Wizard Cartman is summoned to the Elven Kingdom to relinquish a curse on their king.
Written for the kyman week prompt “first kiss”
Bookmarked by hellocavegoblin
08 Jan 2026
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i'm tied to your apron strings (sugar pie, honey bunch) by favillesco
Fandoms: South Park
09 Dec 2014
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Summary
The boys bake, and Cartman can't help himself.
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For #kyleweek2019
I'm hella late but this was meant for the "Kyle's Birthday" prompt.It's Kyle's 16th birthday. He's not expecting much, at least a 'happy birthday' from his parents. But Ike is leaving for the summer, and the house is filled with Kyle's aunts, uncles, and cousins for two big weddings. In the midst of the chaos, his family forgets his birthday. Except for Cartman.
A combination of "Sixteen Candles" and "Call Me By Your Name" because those were the last two movies I watched.
Bookmarked by hellocavegoblin
31 Dec 2025
Bookmarker's Notes
Oh so cute crazy neighborhood boy kind of friend cartman and stifled good boy Kyle
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Kyle Broflovski is 28 and bored of village life in the Bedfordshire countryside, with only his father and his books to keep him company. Eric Cartman is an orphaned lord of the manor with a dark secret. Kyle jumps at the chance to stay at a beautiful manor house but finds more than just adventure at Tenorman Hall. 'Beauty and the Beast' inspired AU.
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When Eric was ten years old, his life changed drastically. Stan turned cynical, their childhood friendship group was fractured and Kyle and Eric slowly grew closer. Eight years later, and time is running out for Eric to swallow his fear and tell Kyle exactly how he feels. Oneshot. Rated M for sexual scenes.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 3,833
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Collections:
- 1
- Comments:
- 7
- Kudos:
- 398
- Bookmarks:
- 33
- Hits:
- 6,621
Bookmarked by hellocavegoblin
30 Dec 2025
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Some unthinking comments and an ill-advised wager see Kyle performing a striptease. What's a Jew to do?
For the purposes of this fic, the gang are 18.
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“Shut the fuck up, Jew,” Cartman rolled his eyes again. “I don’t even know why I’m asking you. It’s not as if you have any ideas on what anyone would like.”
Kyle could feel the heat of his anger igniting in the back of his mind. “What does that even mean?”
“You’re too ugly for anyone to want to go out with you.”
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Kenny has a new game.
Series
- Part 1 of Chicken
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 1,256
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Collections:
- 1
- Comments:
- 10
- Kudos:
- 546
- Bookmarks:
- 35
- Hits:
- 9,013
Bookmarked by hellocavegoblin
30 Dec 2025
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"Riveting pool party you've got going on." Cartman's nagging voice appears out of nowhere and with bad timing like always. Kyle cracks open one eye to see the fat man hovering over him with his signature wide grin.
"I don't remember sending you an invite. Piss off." The redhead scoffs.
"Are you still mad at me? C'mon, dude. Water under the bridge or whatever." Cartman sighs, straightens his back with hands on his hips.
"Yes! I am mad that you went through my phon-!" Kyle throws his neck to glare up at him properly, but words get caught in his throat that turns gravely the second he takes in what Cartman is wearing. Said words form a lump as he gawks at Cartman's track shorts and the short's near non-existent inseam.
Bookmarked by hellocavegoblin
30 Dec 2025
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It was hard to pinpoint when exactly they had first met. Ever since they could remember they were a part of each others’ lives whether that be for better or for worse. They knew each other so well, and yet, it always felt like they never saw eye to eye.
Despite his best efforts, Kyle could never fully grasp just what the hell went on in Cartman’s mind, but one day Kyle finds Cartman’s diary and it starts to feel like he’s really seeing him for the first time.
KYMAN WEEK 2023 - Day 1: First Sight
Series
- Part 1 of Kyman Week 2023
Bookmarked by hellocavegoblin
30 Dec 2025
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idolizing a politician is like believing the stripper really likes you by ratherbeblue
Fandoms: South Park
20 Aug 2023
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Kyle wanted to scoff, at her outdated and cheesy song choice, at her dumb campy outfit, at her clearly box dyed red hair.
He turned to share a look of derision with Cartman, but when he tried to make eye contact, Cartman didn’t budge, his eyes were locked solely on Cherry as she twisted her body to the beat of the music.
Kyle watched him watch her, confused and a little angry.Bookmarked by hellocavegoblin
30 Dec 2025
Bookmarker's Notes
Oh my god so good. Kyle you stupid jealous bitch
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Kyle is forced to get his hair worked on for an upcoming wedding and Eric Cartman is the best hair stylist in Colorado. Artery-furring flirting commences.
Series
- Part 3 of Kyman One-shots
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Eric Cartman saw the things within him he didn't want others to see. He knew he could destroy himself if he really wanted to, but Kyle wasn't going to let him - even if he had to pick up every single piece of what was broken.
Or, in other words, Cartman learns to lower his damn walls.
Bookmarked by hellocavegoblin
29 Dec 2025
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Summary
Eric somehow wakes up in bed after passing out at the park, and the explanation for this magic trick wakes up next to him.
(This is a reinvention of the rescue scene from S16E04 'Jewpacabra'. What if Kyle hadn't gone home after tucking Eric in?)
Bookmarked by hellocavegoblin
29 Dec 2025
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Summary
Eric was totally fine with him and Kyle not having sex yet, but after a comment from Bebe, he begins to worry.
Does Kyle think he’s fat? Is he disgusted with his body?
Eric doesn’t know, and starts to freak out.
Bookmarked by hellocavegoblin
29 Dec 2025
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It was understatement that Kyle would describe his friends’ reaction as ‘shocked’ when Kyle mumbled under his breath, “I’m dating Cartman,”
[A really short drabble out of a short burst of inspiration.]
Bookmarked by hellocavegoblin
29 Dec 2025
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With no Clyde Frog around anymore, Kyle becomes the comforting thing Cartman reaches for when he can't sleep at night. Kyle has mixed feelings about this.
My submission for Day 3 of Kyman Week - Personal Space