The Dramatic Disappearance of Will Graham and Hannibal Lecter

by SnufflesThePig

Summary:

The ghoul boys put their detective hats on their detective heads that house their detective brains to get to the bottom of whatever happened to Will Graham and Hannibal Lecter, the most famous cannibal in history and his boyfriend(????)

Notes:

• Inspired by Buzzfeed Unsolved True Crime: The Mysterious Disappearance of Hannibal Lecter & Will Graham by extremelyperturbed

Chapter 1: The Case

Summary:

Ryan: This week on Buzzfeed Unsolved’s season finale, we investigate the dramatic disappearance of Hannibal Lecter and Will Graham. [He turns to Shane] Hannibal Lecter, being one of the most infamous serial killers in history.

Shane: pfft, yeah. I mean, yeah.

Ryan: Big league stuff. God this guy gives me the jeebies.

Shane: Yeah, why?

Ryan: [spluttering through taken aback laughter] Wh- what do you mean why?

[The iconic boys are settled in their iconic setup behind the desk as the sirens from the intro fade. Shane is in a blue and orange striped button-up t-shirt, very white-guy-on-vacation-chique. There is a tiny drawing of a mouse, painstakingly cut out and placed in his pocket with the paws peeking out. Neither of them address this. Ryan is in a lilac shirt and his hair is particularly wavy today from his excessive running of his hands through it. Someone has drawn a smile on the mannequin in the background. They don’t address that either.]

Ryan: This week on Buzzfeed Unsolved’s season finale, we investigate the dramatic disappearance of Hannibal Lecter and Will Graham. [He turns to Shane] Hannibal Lecter, being one of the most infamous serial killers in history. 

Shane: pfft, yeah. I mean, yeah.

Ryan: Big league stuff. God this guy gives me the jeebies.

Shane: Yeah, why?

Ryan: [spluttering through taken aback laughter] Wh- what do you mean why?

Shane: What is it about him?

Ryan: [Incredulously] He’s a serial killer! He’s a CANNIBAL!

Shane: That’s it?

Ryan: Is that not enough??

Shane: Eh. I thought you had like, an interesting reason.

Ryan: Oh, he’s interesting. I’ve been super excited about this.

Shane: Yeah, you’re kind of vibrating in your seat, there.

Ryan: Let’s get into it then. 

Shane: What? So suddenly?

Ryan: [Eyes shining] Please.

Shane: [Laughing] Okay. Tell your story. 

Hannibal Lecter, history’s most famous cannibal, has a reputation rivaling that of Jack the Ripper. One of his monikers was even eerily similar: The Chesapeake Ripper. To be sure, both rippers shared a horrifying propensity for excess and creative violence as well as the intelligence and means to get away with it, but that is where the similarities end. Lecter did not take organs from his victims as surgical trophies as it was first believed, but as dinner, reportedly employing them in complicated, Michelin-star level cuisine.

 

Oh, what!!

Yyyyeeeeeep.

He was properly-?

Uh-huh.

Like flambé?

I… don’t have the specifics. But yes, I imagine he was flambéing. 

A man of many talents. 

I guess.

 

[cut back to the office. Ryan squints his eyes sideways at Shane and speaks quietly as if unsure of the question.]

Ryan: Would you eat people?

Shane: What- no! What kind of-? No!

Ryan: No, I mean obviously, but if you had to.

Shane: If I had to I wouldn’t have a choice, that’s what that means.

Ryan: No, but I mean if it was that or like, die.

Shane: Oh. [He shrugs] Yeah, sure. 

[Ryan curls into himself in giggles]

In 2013, ex-cop Will Graham worked as an instructor of criminal profiling at the FBI Academy in Virginia. Supposed to be one of the best in the business, Graham was known for his unorthodox methods, which had been described by multiple sources as ‘intimate’, ‘murky’, and ‘unnerving’. Despite this, Graham was well sought-after, particularly in cases where a killer’s motives were unclear. He was reportedly able to step into the mind of a killer just by seeing their crimes, and accurately predict their next moves in order to catch them. While his official diagnoses were never made public, it’s speculated that this may have been the result of an empathy disorder paired with his remarkable intelligence and a drive to use it for good.

 

Diagnoses ? Plural?

Yeah, this dude had some stuff going on. 

What stuff?

I don’t know, it was never made public.

But something, for sure.

Ye- well, a lot of somethings, presumably. 

And they let him into the FBI?

He was a special agent. Like a consultant. 

Damn. So he was just that good, they just sort of went, “let him in anyway.”

Yeah, pretty much.

Good for him.

 

FBI legend Jack Crawford, head of the Behavioural Science unit at the time, brought Graham in to consult on a case of girls going missing. Likely aware of Graham’s involved style of profiling, Crawford assigned him an unofficial psychiatrist, Dr. Hannibal Lecter. 

Yeah, how’d that work out for him? 

[giggling] He- listen-

Ryan, the irony here…

I know. I know. I- [giggling] listen! He was a really well-respected psychiatrist-

Oh yeah? This is why I don’t trust the system.

Don’t say that! If you have issues go to therapy! If you DON’T have issues go to therapy! 

Oh, ffsshh- yeah, that’s- don’t listen to me. I’m an idiot. 

[giggling]

[…] But seriously, you really cocked that one up, Jack.

 

While under Dr. Lecter’s care, Graham suffered a slow mental decline. The high-stress work took an emotional toll, as well as put him in multiple violent situations including being shot, shooting and killing others, being manipulated into deadly situations, and recovering victims who had been buried alive. The press were no help, calling him ‘demented’ and ‘unstable’. Freddie Lounds of Tattlecrime.com went so far as to title a now famous article on him “It Takes One to Catch One”.

 

Oh my god, leave this guy alone!

[Giggling] Wait, wait til you hear this next part-

 

This, coupled with an undiagnosed case of encephalitis-

 

[Cut back to the office. Shane reels back in incredulity, voice shrill.]

Shane : [Eyebrows touching his forehead, chair squeaking in alarm] WHAT!

[Ryan has his head bent down into the case file, shoulders shaking, laughing too hard to answer.]

Shane: RYAN! 

Shane: […]

Shane: Are you serious?!

[Ryan nods helplessly.]

Shane: His brain was on fire . 

Ryan: Yeah!

Shane: You could’ve led with that.

Ryan: It’s speculated- [He gives a laughing groan, recovering from his explosive mirth.] Now I’m not saying this is what happened, but encephalitis is one possible side-effect of cannibalism. 

Shane: Huh? What now? He’s a cannibal?

Ryan: No, but he and Hannibal were buddies, right? Therapy pals. Lecter was known for his dinner parties. Poor old Will was probably like, mm, five-star? Yes please! And got encephalitis instead.

Shane: That… damn. That’s trash. 

Ryan: [Hysterical giggling]

 

This, coupled with an undiagnosed case of encephalitis and the direct, deliberate influence of Hannibal Lecter on Graham’s vulnerable psyche cast enough aspersions on his mental state to worry Crawford and his coworkers at the FBI. Graham himself had a tentative grip on reality, admitting to periods of lost time, hallucinations, sleep walking, and seizures, as well as constant pain.

 

And he just went to work?

Sure did.

Let me just… [Vague hand motions] put this into perspective here. If I stub my toe and there’s blood… I’m not coming in to work that day.

Yeah that’s- you’re injured.

Yeah. I’m seeing things? Forget it. I’m going home. 

You live here.

I’m going home home. Home squared. Back to Germany. Pretty sure the Madej clan traces back there at some point, hallucinations warrant a return to the homeland. 

 

This made it all the easier for Lecter to frame him for his own crimes. The evidence was so damning Graham was forced to make an insanity plea. He was found guilty and sent to the Baltimore State Hospital for the Criminally Insane. He was incarcerated for two months until Lecter struck again, leaving enough evidence to exonerate Graham of the crimes he was accused of. He’d drawn the game out long enough, though, for Graham to get suspicious. He and Crawford made a plan and intended to confront and arrest Lecter at their next dinner together. Instead, Lecter stabbed Crawford in the neck, Graham in the gut, and slashed the throat of a teenage girl he’d abducted in front of them, also pushing fellow psychiatrist Alana Bloom out the third floor window. Everyone survived except the teenage girl due to the surgical precision applied in injuring them. Lecter intentionally left them alive. He left gravely injured from the fight, and escaped to Italy with his therapist, Dr. Bedelia Du Maurier.

 

This is so dramatic!

Told you it was good. 

Why would he leave them alive, Ryyyyyyyyyyy? 

Well, I’m not sure about the others, but there’s a reason he might’ve left Graham. You’ll see.

Ooooooh.

 

The next sequence of events is hazy. Lecter was next seen back in Virginia several months later on Muskrat farm, the personal grounds of the Vergers, meatpacking industry royalty. He is directly credited for the deaths of Mason Verger (a previous surviving victim of his) and Cordell Doemling, Verger’s personal assistant. 

Bizarrely, after escaping capture once again, Lecter didn’t run. When authorities searched for him at Will Graham’s house, Graham informed them he wasn’t there. To his shock, Lecter then stepped out from Graham’s shed, where he had been waiting for the authorities to arrive, and willingly gave himself up. When asked for his reasoning, he looked directly into Graham’s eyes, no one else’s, and said, quote: “I want you to know exactly where I am, and where you can always find me,” end quote. He refused to look away until Graham retreated back inside. 

Waaiiiiiit… so is this a… vengeance thing?

It’s weird, right?

Yeah it’s weird! What the hell? Why’d he do that?

I think we can safely assume there was something going on between him and Graham.

What, they were smoochin’?

Oh, maybe. But I just meant in general. They have a super intense relationship of some kind, is what I’m saying, I think that’s […] safe to say.

…Is it?

Dr. Du Maurier, Lecter’s psychiatrist, remember her? She maintains that Lecter was obsessed with Graham. Like infatuated. He would make art out of his victim’s bodies with flowers and flesh and hearts and stuff for him, like super, super dark valentines. Which is why I said before it makes sense that he left him alive.

Oh! Plot twist! He still stabbed him, though.

yeah.

That’s gotta be inconvenient, for a cannibal. So he gave himself up for his crush?

Maybe.

That’s kinda sweet. Like, you give up a hobby your partner doesn’t like ‘cause they’re more important. It was a grand gesture. The grandest gesture, arguably, considering-

[Giggling] You go to jail?

-You go to jail, yeah.

Yeah. Or it was out of spite, like, you’ll never catch me, I surrender. 

That’s less sweet. Pretty baller, though.

 

Following Lecter’s incarceration in the same hospital he himself was incarcerated in, Graham retired from the FBI to get married and be a father to his stepson and seven dogs. It was only three years later that Jack Crawford, still working and fully recovered, called him back in on a case that had the FBI stumped. A new serial killer dubbed ‘The Tooth Fairy’ was murdering families in their homes and, creepily, covering their eyes and mouths with shards of glass from mirrors found on the premises. 

 

[Cut back to the office.]

Shane: What? Like… [He covers his eyes and mouth with his hands, which only half works, since he only has two hands.] 

Ryan: [Making a face] Yeah.

Shane: [Dropping his hands and making his own face] …Ew. […] Why was he called the tooth fairy? How gay and/or dental can you make a murder?

Ryan: Well, hey, Lecter would’ve found a way. 

[They both start laughing deviously, sticking their tongues out at each other and making finger guns and ‘I-see-what-you-did-there’ noises.]

Ryan: [Sighs coming down from his laughter] …No, it was because he bit his victims.

 

Graham, seeking the counsel of his former psychiatrist, or maybe just something familiar, started visiting Lecter at the Baltimore State Hospital for the Criminally Insane. These visits were recorded but never released. That being said, it’s public knowledge that their discussions during this time pertained to both their personal relationship and the case. 

 

Okay, hold on. Why.

Why what?

Why would he consult the guy who eats people? Who gave him encephalitis and also framed him for murder and a whole bunch of other shit I think?

I don’t know. Why would you give yourself up to the police when you’re home free? Love makes fools of us all.

So you do think they’re in love! That’s fucked up.

Yeah but why else would he… I mean I guess codependency… but it’s been three years! He has a wife! A kid! 

Eight dogs!

Seven dogs.

Seven- that’s a lot of dogs!

Do you think seven dogs equal one serial killer boyfriend?

What, you think he made a trade? Like fuckin’ Pokémon cards?

No, I- bwahahaha!

You’d need at least ten dogs to make that fair. I don’t know, I don’t like dogs.

 

[Cut back to the office. Ryan’s eyebrows shoot into his hairline as he gasps excitedly at something he’s remembered.]

Ryan: Oh! Oh, I forgot to tell you this, but you’re gonna love it, this is my favourite- I found a, a, uh, old article. Our old friend Freddie Lounds.

Shane: Who?

Ryan: Tattlecrime.com. […] She wrote the mean one about Graham before.

Shane: [Nodding] Oh, yes, yes, I recall.

Ryan: She, um- [He kneads his eyebrow and laughs.] She has one that calls them murder-husbands.

[Shane is visibly taken aback, though a delighted smile curls up his gaping mouth. His eyebrows fly up, trying to escape his forehead even as he leans forward.]

Shane: You- She what? 

Ryan : [Nodding, voice high in mirth] Yep .

Shane: Ryan… I know you delve into some shit sites in this research of yours…

Ryan: It’s not, it’s not-

Shane: -Is this a viable source?

Ryan: Yes. Freddie Lounds, you’ve never heard of Freddie Lounds?

Shane: [He narrows his eyes suspiciously] I… feel like I have…

Ryan: Yeah, she’s big now, she’s with the Rising Sun.

Shane: [His eyes go wide as he places the name, then he suddenly goes accusatory.] Oh! Ryan, she’s been sued like a thousand times!

Ryan: Yeah, I’m not saying- anything. All I’m saying is… murder husbands.

Shane: [settling back in begrudging agreement] …I do like that.

Ryan: I knew you would.

 

The Tooth Fairy, or as it became known that he preferred, the Great Red Dragon- 

 

Yeah, that’s fair.

 

-turned out to be one Francis Dolarhyde. Dolarhyde, who greatly admired Lecter, managed to establish a line of communication with the cannibal by pretending to be his lawyer using a range of highly complex technical components. With Lecter’s cooperation on the other end using foil from a stick of gum to block the receiver, the two had multiple conversations that escaped the notice of the hospital and the police. Using his well-noted predilection for manipulation, Lecter influenced Dolarhyde to target a very specific family: Will Graham’s.

 

[There is a tense silence for a moment. Shane makes a half-uncomfortable, half-mischievous face.]

Shane: [Quietly] …Someone’s jealous.

[Ryan dutifully cracks up and the tension is broken, though Shane continues to suck his teeth disparagingly.]

Shane: [Still hissing quietly through his teeth] It’s not looking like a healthy relationship, Ryaaaaan…

[Ryan is too busy laughing to answer him. Shane rocks forward in his seat, hands sandwiched between his legs.]

Shane: Can’t be doing that.

 

Thankfully, both Graham’s wife and stepson survived, though one unnamed witness was killed in the struggle. The FBI caught onto the calls being made to Lecter, and used the next one to track their suspect down, listening into the conversation as they did. Dolarhyde wasn’t caught, however, in part thanks to Lecter warning him of the FBI listening in a few minutes into the call.

With nothing to go on, the FBI turned to a bait strategy using Will Graham, Freddie Lounds, and an experienced psychiatric professional close to the case, Frederick Chilton. Basically, Graham used all his profiling abilities and knowledge about Dolarhyde to construct a purposefully targeting article bad-mouthing the Dragon. Chilton was there to corroborate his claims, making them professionally accredited, and rubbing even more salt in the wound. They hoped this would draw the Dragon out, and he would target Graham. Surprisingly, he went for Chilton first, going through the psychiatrist’s entire FBI-assigned guard to do it. While Chilton survived the ordeal, he was left with first-degree burns over his entire body from being set on fire. Dolarhyde also sent Lecter Chilton’s mutilated lips with the only written words accompanying being quote: “These lips offended me,” end quote. Lecter actually ate one of these lips raw before they could be confiscated, but he happily provided the other to the FBI without fuss.

 

He ATE one??

W- yeah, he’s a cannibal. You send him some flesh noms, he’s gonna eat ‘em.

Yeah, but I thought he cooked ‘em up first. Flambé and all. He’s a Michelin man. 

Oh, yeah. Can’t imagine they let him do that.

At that point it was probably more of a statement.

What, like his signature thing?

Sure. Some people put hearts by their names, some people… eat… lips? […] I am dying to know what Graham saw in this guy.

He must’ve had a magic penis or something.

…Or a good personality?? We’ve had this conversation before.

What! He’s-

Mr. One-Track-Mind over here…

He’s a serial killer!

Well maybe he was nice to minimum wage workers.

 

With that having failed, the FBI made one last attempt to lure the Dragon out of his den. Under pretence of moving Lecter to a more secure facility, they used him as the bait. Sure enough, Dolarhyde not only tried to break Lecter out, but succeeded, though he left him free… for the moment. 

Newly freed, Lecter took Graham to one of the remaining undiscovered residences in his name, a secluded chalet looking over a sheer bluff by the ocean.

 

[Cut back to the office. Shane is laughing quietly. The mouse in his pocket has gone crooked.]

Shane: And was it sunset? Were there rose petals by the door?

Ryan: I- [He giggles in realisation] I think it actually was.

Shane: [He shoots forward in delight.] There were rose petals?!

Ryan: No, but given the timing, they would have been there at sunset. And they actually found a bottle of expensive wine and two glasses smashed inside.

[Shane throws his head back and slaps his knee, guffawing at the ceiling. Ryan curls into himself and laughs into his hand, looking into the file like it has the answers.]

Shane: [He puts on a funny voice to imitate someone, and then someone else answering.] “Uhh, how was your honeymoon?” “Oh, well, y’know…”

[Ryan’s laughter hits a new octave. He slaps the table.]

 

Authorities found the place well-stocked, empty, and host to the savaged body of Francis Dolarhyde. He was lying outside in a pose that suggested he fell to his knees before crumpling in place, losing buckets of blood from his copious wounds, including multiple stabs and slashes, broken bones, a smashed skull, a shattered ankle, and his throat torn out with teeth. 

 

W o a h !

Yeah, it’s… yeah.

Intense way to get rid of a third wheel.

He was a dick, no doubt, but that’s a rough way to go.

You gotta be… you gotta have a lot of power! To do that!

Yeah, I can’t even imagine.

These guys are intense. You think they were tag-teamin’ it?

Ohh, you think Graham was helping Lecter at that point?

Well they were in love.

That’s not confirmed, you just want to think that, and regardless, still a murderer.

There’s something to be said for loving someone so much you’ll tear a throat out for them, is all I’m saying. Or, no- WITH them. 

 

[Cut to the office. Shane makes a quiet explosion noise while he mimes blowing his own mind as Ryan looks on in slightly horrified concern and shakes his head minutely. Shane nods decisively and points at Ryan.]

Shane: Power couple. Would you tear a throat out with me?

Ryan: [Wildly affronted] nO!!!!

 

A gun belonging to Dolarhyde was discovered amongst the wreckage of several shattered floor-to-ceiling windows and displaced furniture. Blood that painted a vivid picture of a mighty struggle coated both inside and outside the chalet, identified as belonging to all three men. Lecter and Graham were evidently almost as injured as Dolarhyde by the end of the scuffle. The blood was so spread that it was impossible to make out the direction of any footprints that might have been present. By all accounts after that, Graham and Lecter never surfaced, essentially disappearing into thin air. The fall from the bluff would have almost certainly killed them, but no bodies were recovered, nor were any of their remains found on the rocks or in the water in the area. What’s clear is that the three men fought, killing Dolarhyde, and Hannibal Lecter and Will Graham were never heard from again.

 

And with that, let’s get into the theories.

 

 

Chapter 2: Quotes from Rod Serling(s)

Summary:

Ryan: Actually, before we go into the theories can we just-

Shane: Woah, woah, what the fuck!

Ryan: What?

Shane: This is- you’re going off-script! This is unprecedented, you maniac! You’re supposed to do the theories now!

Ryan: wELL I’M TIRED OF PLAYING BY THE RULES! YOU CAN’T MAKE ME DO ANYTHING! I’M RYAN BERGARA!

 

 

[Ryan leans back from the file out of the blue, totally breaking procedure.] 

Ryan : Actually, before we go into the theories can we just- 

Shane : Woah, woah, what the fuck! 

Ryan : What?

Shane : This is- you’re going off-script! This is unprecedented, you maniac! You’re supposed to do the theories now!

Ryan : wELL I’M TIRED OF PLAYING BY THE RULES! YOU CAN’T MAKE ME DO ANYTHING! I’M RYAN BERGARA!

Shane : [He looks wildly around at the crew, lost and afraid.] HE’S GONE MAD! HELP! 

Ryan : YOU’RE IN MY WORLD NOW, BABY! AND THE BERGMEISTER SAYS NO THEORIES! 

Shane : [In quiet horror] I always knew this day would come.

Ryan : I’m Ryan Bergara-

Shane : I know that, stop saying that!

Ryan : -And I say we have to read some quotes first because every single one of these guys is straight out of a Black Mirror episode. 

Shane : Huh? In what- whaddyou mean?

Ryan : Just listen to what these guys have to say and you’ll get it.

Quote: “I borrowed Will’s imagination, and I broke it. At the time I thought that was a price I could pay, but I neglected to consider that Will was his imagination. It wasn’t a superpower, it was who he was, and I shattered that,” end quote.

 

Riiiight, ‘cause Jack… Jack, what was his name, Crawfish, somethin’…?

Crawff- Crawford.

Right. He was the one who introduced them, right?

Oh, yeah, but he was also- remember everyone was sort of on edge with Graham’s methods of profiling, everyone either thought he was unstable or a psycho, and this stuff wasn’t good for him. His mental health. 

Oh, yeah, right. So. Yeah.

Don’t just say ‘yeah’!

Well I mean…

fffppsshhghh(wheeze)

Alana Bloom, a psychologist very close to both Graham and Crawford, and at one point, Lecter, said quote: “I truly believe Will had the potential to be anything, and the only thing saving him from that was his own inconceivable strength. The wonder for him, for all of us, really, was finding an equal to him. It was a clash of titans. We never stood a chance,” end quote.

[Cut back to the office. Ryan drops the file with a wide-eyed blink, stunned silent despite certainly having read the quote before. Shane leans back in his chair to gaze into the ceiling as though he can see the entire universe now, a look of abject wonder lapping over his features.]

Shane : [In absolute delight] WHAT THE FUCK!

Ryan : That is a lot. That’s… that’s a quote.

Shane : PUT THAT. ON MY GRAVESTONE. IF YOU EVER. FIND MY BODY. THAT’S FANTASTIC!

Ryan : I told you these were worth reading. That… I had to sit back for a second after reading that.

Shane: [reverently] Yeah. 

Ryan: And she wasn’t, like, a writer. She was a psychologist. IS a psychologist, I should say. 

Shane: Can we give her a writing prize anyway? These guys are so fuckin’ fascinating they’re attracting people who are this fascinating, just like, in their down time, when they’re not murderin’, or disappearin’, or whatever. 

Ryan: [giggling bemusedly] Yeah, I mean, she was their friend. I had to narrow down the quotes but they’re all this good . These people all talk like fuckin’ Rod Serling. 

Shane: I love it, and I love Will. And this Bloom lady. She’s got my vote. 

Ryan: Yeah mine too. Will must’ve been really cool. 

Shane: Hannibal too, probably.

Ryan: Well, I mean… we don’t need to… let’s not… romanticize the serial killer here…

Shane: Hey, it worked for Will.

Ryan: It really didn’t. Anyway, this next one’s even better, so-

Shane: What! No it’s not.

Ryan: It is, this one’s insane. Just strap in. 

After stabbing Crawford and Graham that first time at his home in Baltimore, Lecter is recorded saying, quote: “Did you believe you could change me, the way I have changed you?” To which Graham, bleeding heavily, replied, “ I already did. ”

 

[Cut back to the office. Ryan is punching the air, face scrunched up in mighty victory, huge smile and tongue darting in and out as if to make fun of someone, as if he totally owned Lecter rather than Will. Shane shoots up in his chair with a great gasp and claps his hands in uproarious applause, also punching his fist through the air a few times, making his seat wiggle dangerously with his enthusiasm. He is too big and lanky to be this excited.]

Shane : [Voice cracking] YUSS! ROAST! HIS! ASS!

Ryan : Whoever said marriage was easy didn’t marry a fucking SAVAGE.

Shane : SLAM DUNK, BABY! WHO’S ON THE COUCH!

Ryan : Lecter!

Shane : [He shoots Ryan a mocking wide-eyed look.] Lecter? More like LOSER!

[Both of them cackle for a good two minutes, slapping at each other in an attempt at a high five without looking. It devolves into a slappy fight, but they’re still laughing with great delight.]

Shane : it is such a shame Will Graham went missing because I would love to give his ass a high five right now. Not- not his ass -

Ryan: I get what you mean. Oh my god, that was good. Big fan.

Shane: Ya. I’m gonna find a way to work that into fights with Sarah now. Or you. When we’re fighting I’m gonna say, “did you-“ what was it? “Did you think you could change me?” And you better say-

Ryan : [Looking evilly into the camera] I already did. 

Shane: [Leaning back to punch the air one more time] YES THAT IS SO GOOD!

 

 

Notes:

I made up Alana’s and most of jack’s quote in case you’re about to ask me what episode those are from

Chapter 3: Theories

Theory #1 is that one pushed the other off and then followed, either on purpose or accidentally. This is the official story, making Will Graham out as the hero who gave his life to end the horrible reign of the world’s most terrifying cannibal. Blood was found close to the edge, so it’s generally accepted that one of the men, or more likely both, went over. Both of them had made attempts on the other’s life before in their deadly game of courtship cat-and-mouse. Lecter had already demonstrated extraordinary sacrifice for Graham when he gave himself up to the police. At the same time, he’d also proven himself Graham’s greatest threat, and he didn’t pull punches. It wouldn’t be a stretch to purport that he might have pushed Graham over the edge and then jumped himself. Likewise, Graham, being as full of good intentions and integrity as he was reported to be, could have seen it as his duty to protect the world from Lecter. Keep in mind both men were heavily injured at this point. Graham could’ve been trying to end his own pain, join Lecter in death, or he simply could’ve been less than lucid and fell. 

I don’t want it to have been Lecter.

Me neither.

Will sounds like such a badass, everyone’s talkin’ about how smart he was-

It was that quote.

It was such a good quote.

I know. I know. 

But also… (sucks teeth) It’s almost like a story book. I don’t want the bad guy to win. 

In this theory they both died.

Yeah, but you can still win in death. And we don’t know who did here.

No you can’t!

What?

You can’t win in death! You’re dead! You can have a last laugh, but you still haven’t won.

One of these days you’ll come to terms with mortality. Until then, trust me on this: you can win.

Theory #2 is that they willingly jumped together in a suicide pact. This is really just the first theory with a different ending. If Lecter and Graham both reached these conclusions at the same time, they could’ve agreed to compromise and die together. While Lecter was reportedly infatuated with Graham, you’ll recall that Graham returned to see Lecter of his own free will when he was still incarcerated after years of separation. It’s possible that Lecter’s affections- or at least his obsession- was somehow returned. As evidenced by the quotes and information on Graham, he was a very intense person with enough mental singularity to be the topic of psychiatric discussion even before he met Lecter. Doctor Bloom described him as reclusive to the point of being hermit-like, but intensely loyal to the select few he chose to humour. He obviously was a man who felt very strongly, and had to be very careful with how he channeled those feelings. Lecter was adept at manipulating feelings, and arguably, more familiar with Graham’s psyche than anyone. While both men were playing each other, it’s a possibility that neither won; Or, depending on how you look at it, maybe both did.

Now that’s kind of beautiful. And it sounds… like something they’d do. 

Yeah, it sounds sufficiently poetic for this pair. 

Poetic, yes, that’s- yes. If they were in love— actually even if they weren’t in love, this is a profound story. 

For sure. I kind of want to… I don’t know. Ride a horse into a sunset or something.

How ‘bout you leave me the horse. You ride a pony. 

[mocking snickers] Guess who’s going into the sunset saloon on his own later. Like a loser.

Oh, don’t make me go alone.

Watch me.

Theory #3 is that, wounded and bleeding heavily, Graham and Lecter simply got too close to the edge of the bluff and fell. 

This is actually a very likely theory considering the extent of the wounds presumed from the evidence. There was more blood present on the scene than a live adult male’s body typically holds in it’s entirety. While this may not seem like much considering there were three men present, only two thirds of that blood was estimated to be Dolarhyde’s. Much of the stuff was found entirely apart from his body, not only sprayed over the windows and walls, but pooled thickly around the premises as if it had poured or gushed from a deep wound. It was so thick that investigators on the scene claimed they smelt it for weeks after. Adrenaline can be credited for the men still fighting as viciously as they did, but once that subsided, they would’ve been in dire straits.

(Snort)

(Snicker)

…Strai(gh)ts.

Theory #4 is that they didn’t die at all, but faked their deaths and left the country. This is actually a popular theory, and not just in conspiracy circles. This mostly revolves around the fact that despite the blood on the edge of the cliff, no bodies were ever found. Neither was any organic evidence present on the cliff face or the rocks beneath. If one or both of the men had fallen, their bodies should have been found at the base of the cliff, or even in the waters surrounding. The search was extensive, employing all the FBI’s resources, but not even a scrap of hair was found anywhere. While this could be due to the rough tide and the damp conditions, it’s still strange that there wasn’t a trace of the men anywhere past the edge of the cliff. 

Oh shit! …I guess it is a disappearance, not a murder/suicide, so I don’t know why that surprised me so much. But nothing? They found nothing.

They found nothing. And that, to me… I mean, that’s weird. 

I… Ryan, this might be my favourite story you’ve ever told me. 

Holy… (loss for words)

Yeah. They dISAPPEARED? People don’t disappear!

These guys did!

Into fucking thin air! 

Well, maybe not.

Huh??

Despite being incarcerated, Lecter was not short of resources. Officials believe the chalet was not the only property he had without their knowledge. It was fully stocked for several days, but not weeks or months, suggesting it was only a temporary pit stop. Lecter is suspected to have had a complex system of fail safe avenues he could choose from should he ever escape. This is likely how he disappeared after stabbing Graham and Crawford the first time. And just to reiterate, Lecter was only caught because he chose to be. It would be fair to assume that if he survived and didn’t want to be found, he wouldn’t be. 

What about Will though? 

They didn’t find either body.

Are you saying…?

Murder husbands.

(Delighted gasp)

In Cuba.

(Whispering reverently) The second honeymoon. Wait, why Cuba?

(Noncommittal grunt) Where would you go?

Probably like… Montana.

(Giggling)

Theory #5 is that they were caught, but due to some unseemly details or even a deal best covered up, the FBI officially ruled them deceased. This wouldn’t be the first time a deal was cut between the pair and the FBI. Both Lecter and Graham having been employed and highly trusted by the FBI for a considerable time, their case was highly controversial, extremely classified, and generally approached with extreme caution. Most of the details of the case were and remain withheld from the public. Knowing that this fantastic story is only a fraction of what really happened, it’s not hard to wonder what we don’t know, and why. 

They wouldn’t just let him go. 

No, I’m not saying they did, a deal doesn’t mean- they could’ve just locked him up somewhere else and not told anybody. 

That’s not much of a deal. 

No, but it would allow them to MAKE deals with him.

Ahhhhhh.

Like maybe he still had information on other killers. He definitely knew way more than he should, like, all the time. If you could get him to be straight with you he’d be invaluable.

Hehe. Straight. 

Pffft- that one was an accident.

I enjoyed it. 

[Shane leans back in his chair and runs a hand through his hair, looking thoughtful. Ryan props his chin on his hands to listen to him.]

Shane: [He puffs out a long breath.] I mean… does it even matter who killed who, or who died, or whatever? It sounds like these guys were so tangled up in each other it’s almost inconsequential.

Ryan: I see what you mean, but I still wanna know. 

Shane: I don’t know, Ry. Think this might be one of those cases-

Ryan: Don’t say it. 

[Shane turns to face front, spreading his arms in an unconcerned shrug, smiling serenely.]

Shane: Let it be a mystery.

Ryan: [Shaking his head] You are… the worst kind of person. 

Shane: A story lost to time, as most things worth treasuring are.

Ryan: Now you’re just making shit up. You’re trying to be as profound as these people, like Doctor Bloom, and buddy, you’re not. 

Shane: [He suddenly breaks out into dramatic prose with a booming but whimsical presenter’s voice.] Whether t’is nobler in the mINd—

Ryan: [He flaps his hands wildly at Shane’s face until he shuts up.] ALRIGHT, okay, that’s enough of that! Let’s not get him started. 

Shane: Seriously though, that was a really cool story. I got Greek myths vibes from that.

Ryan: ‘Cause it was gay? You got Achilles and Patroclus from that? 

Shane: No- well, yes, but I just meant- it read like history. But fantastic history.

Ryan: Shit, don’t start on history, you’ll get a boner on camera again and-

Shane: [He splutters and laughs.] Again??

Ryan: [He turns to face the front and abruptly smooths his expression out.] Let’s move on.

Shane: No, let’s not, you can’t just say- when did I-

Ryan: Oh, we’re moving on, because we have guests to interview. 

Shane: We- what?

Ryan: We have guests-

Shane: No we don’t. 

Ryan: [He stifles a laugh.] We do.

[Shane blinks. His mouth falls open and his eyebrows shoot up as his hand slaps against the table in shock.] 

Shane: Are you serious? 

[Ryan nods.]

Shane: [He whispers reluctantly in concern.] Who is it? 

Ryan: The two special forensic agents who worked all of Graham’s and Lecter’s cases before and after their incarcerations.

[The two of them stare into each other’s eyes in some kind of horrified standoff for several moments.]

Shane: [His head tilts imploringly and his tone is desperately begging Ryan to correct himself.] No…

[Ryan bites his lip in apology.]

Shane: Why didn’t I know? Why did no one tell me? How could- Ryan, I just spouted shit about these guys for like forty-five minutes, and these are real people who knew them for real and went through it-

Ryan: [He’s close to tears of laughter as he nods.] I know.

Shane: We were just talking about my hypothetical history boners, Ryan!!

Ryan : [He wheezes.] I know.

[Shane goes through all five stages of grief as Ryan collects himself.]

Ryan: If it makes you feel any better, they’re big fans, they’re probably used to our shit by now. I talked to them, they’re cool.

Shane: That… does make me feel better, actually. Still not good. 

[Ryan wheezes himself so low into his seat he disappears behind the desk.]

 

 

Notes:

Next up, please welcome Jimmy Price and Brian Zeller, the Shane and Ryan of the FBI’s Behavioural Science Unit.

Chapter 4: The Interview

Summary:

Introducing Brian Zeller and Jimmy Price, the true heroes of the BAU.

Notes:

Been a minute, huh folkies? I hope you’re hungry.

 

 

Ryan: It’s alright, you’re off the hook. I said we had guests, but it’s more like we’re the guests.

Shane: You- what? What are you saying?

Ryan: We’ve landed an interview with none other than Brian Zeller and Jimmy Price, the two surviving members of Crawford’s crack forensic team. Brian, Jimmy, and their partner Beverley Katz worked with and on both Hannibal Lecter and Will Graham through their careers. Beverly was tragically killed by Lecter in 2014. While much forensic investigation is done with a full team and lab, Beverley, Brian, and Jimmy were the guys in amongst it on scenes, and they were the only ones who reported directly to Crawford. 

Shane: Sure, okay, what the fuck are you talking about, though? You just said some shit about-

Ryan: [giggling] I’m- hold on, I’m getting to it! We’re not interviewing them here.

Shane: No?

Ryan: No. We, my friend, are off to see them at home court: at their base of operations where the real work was done. We are going to the Behavioural Analysis Unit Headquarters of the FBI.

 

[Cut to several panoramic shots of the BAU Headquarters taken in typical BFU fashion with scrawling text at the bottom of the screen confirming the location. The boys walk dramatically through the stark, imposing halls. The entire building, or at least the places they are filming in, are empty. It’s a far cry from the ghoul boys’ usual cozy nest of mock criminal files and sticky notes. This place is all sleek glass and sterilised metal slabs. The high ceilings make even Shane look small.] 

[They meet up with their ‘guests’ around one alcove much like the rest, metal table and all. Brian and Jimmy are in civilian clothing, but they both have their ID badges around their necks clearly stating them as FBI. Price is a sharp little man with an air of dry humour about him and grey hair that ages him quite a bit. Zeller is a handsome man with a full dark beard and curly hair, as well as an intelligent shine to his eyes to match Price's. As the boys approach, Brian opens his arms as if teasing an old friend.]

Brian: What took ya so long?

Jimmy: It was the stairs, wasn’t it? They always get me.

Shane: [looking around appreciatively] This place is certainly scary for different reasons than our usual locations. 

Ryan: Yeah, I feel thoroughly unqualified.

Jimmy: [Also looking around, but more critically] You’d think they’d put up a poster or something.

Brian: [Muttering] You have been telling them that for years, yeah.

Jimmy: Yeah. 

[A couple of awkward seconds pass in silence before Brian claps his hands.]

Brian: Anyway, welcome. That’s Jimmy Price, I’m Brian Zeller. Huge fans of the show.

Shane: To hear that from a professional of your calibre…

Brian: We’re pretty good.

Jimmy: Yeah, we are. We didn’t do all the work, but we were most of it. 

Brian: Yeah: Photos on-scene, forensics, pathology, theories, moral support, processing, with just the three of us? We did a lot. But that was how it was, it was like a-

Jimmy: A tight knit, kind of…

Brian: -yeah. We were a team. It was us, Bev, Will, Jack, and Dr. Lecter. Dr. Bloom, sometimes, she came in-

Jimmy: Mostly for Will.

Brian: Yeah.

Ryan: Speaking of, I’m sorry for your loss.

Shane: Yeah. 

Brian: Shit, man, me too. Bev was cut from somethin’ special. And hey, Lecter, if you’re watching this, fuck you for that.

Jimmy: Retweet. 

Ryan: While we’re doing this interview, the most important thing to us is that you guys are comfortable, you know, we know that this isn’t just a cold case, it’s your lives, so if at any point you’re not feelin’ it or you don’t wanna answer or anything, you know-

Shane: Yeah, don’t hesitate to kick us out on our asses. 

Brian: Nah, we’re glad to have you guys here, we thought- I mean, everyone in our job is-

Jimmy: Ugh, so dour-

Brian: -Yeah, huge downers about it, no fun in the forensic criminology field, so it’s good to have someone on the level.

Jimmy: Totally. 

Shane: Yeah, if you find us good company, I don’t know how stimulating FBI officials would be…

Jimmy: We got to have some fun with the team. Bev was-

Brian: She was a riot.

Jimmy: Absolutely, went along with all our shit. Jack-

Brian: We drove him insane, but I could see in his eyes he appreciated it. 

Jimmy: He could be really scary though. Remember that time he yelled?

Brian: Which one?

Jimmy: The Miriam Lass case. 

Brian: Oh my god, yeah, I thought I was gonna be next, and then you looked at me behind his back and I nearly cracked up, you ass.

Jimmy: [Laughing] It was funny. 

Shane: So it seems like you guys really knew each other, I mean, your team. I know everyone’s gonna be asking what it was like to work with Lecter, but I gotta say- I really wanna know about Will!

Brian: Well, Bev knew him best, I think it’s fair to say-

Jimmy: Neither of them had, like, any filter, so they had a bit in common, there.

Brian: But he was funny, wasn’t he?

Jimmy: He was, yeah. And so weird. Sometimes you second-guessed yourself about him, like, ‘is he really funny? Or do I just think he’s funny?’

Brian: He was probably laughing at us the whole time.

Jimmy: I caught him doing that once. 

Ryan: Funny how, how d’you mean?

Shane: Yeah, he sounded sort of larger-than-life to me, I don’t…

Brian: He was that, too. It was like… you’d ask him if he was hungry, and sometimes he’d be like “yeah, you wanna grab tacos?” And sometimes he’d be like “ I was born hungry. We all were. Everything else is just… sustenance.” And we’d all be like “okay man… rain check then”.

Jimmy: he did clown on Lecter a lot though, and that shit was hilarious. Even after he knew.

Ryan: W-what?

Jimmy: [Closing his eyes in appreciation] All the time, it was so hard to keep a straight face-

Brian: [Laughing] One time, I remember, Jack dragged him out from whatever frozen lake or field he was in that week to come and look at a body, and he was a little pissy, but not that bad. And then Lecter walked in to give his opinion, and Will stopped mid-sentence like he could smell him-

Jimmy: He wasn’t even looking that way.

Brian: -And he grabbed his coat and was gonna leave, and Jack was like ‘where do you think you’re going’ and Will was like ‘eventually, hell’ and Jack went ‘Will’, and Will was like ‘Don’t worry, I’ll see you there,’ and Hannibal went ‘Will’, and Will looked him in the eyes and said ‘Not today, Satan.’

Jimmy: And then walked out.

Shane: [Whispering in awe, eyes wide] No he didn’t!

Brian: He did.

Jimmy: Yeah, now that I think about it, the amount of times he said ‘eat me’ was probably intentional-

Brian: For a while there, everytime Jack brought Lecter into a room, Will would say something like ‘I wish you wouldn’t’. 

Jimmy: They used to fight like cats and dogs.  

Brian: Right? And Will almost always won. 

Jimmy: One of my favourites was that one, um- the cursive one-

Brian: Oh, ‘just because you-

Brian and Jimmy in delighted unison: ‘-speak in cursive doesn’t mean your input is warranted.’

Jimmy: Crushed that one. You know, not saying we did, but if we had kept a tally on who dunked on who more-

Brian: -Will would’ve won by thirty-five points.

[Jimmy makes a little ‘there you go’ gesture. Ryan is blinking in utter shock, mouth wide open. Shane is near curled into himself in hysterics.]

Shane: I love- I- hahaha, I love how singularly unimpressed Will was with this highly intelligent master manipulator capable of horrifying things-

Price: You should’ve seen how unimpressed Lecter was with Will’s dogs.

Ryan: HAHAHAHA!

[Shane leans into Ryan’s shoulder to hide his face, shoulders shaking, while Ryan looks horrified at his outburst. Brian and Jimmy are laughing too, though, and clearly they don’t mind.]

Shane: That’s fantastic!

Ryan: That’s- wow. I mean, that guy- this is the same guy who got stabbed and shot a bunch and potentially jumped off a cliff after maybe ripping a guy’s throat out.

Shane: Will?

Ryan: W- yeah.

Jimmy: He could’ve, honestly. That man was capable of… inconceivable things.

Brian: Yeah, it’s like I said, he was cool, but then he was also that colossally freaky guy that everyone talks about now. He’d, like, hide major injuries so he could consult on cases. 

Jimmy: He’d go and get shot, and then the EMTs would be like ‘where’d this stab wound come from’ and he’d be like ‘that’s unrelated, don’t worry about it’.

Brian: Dude was insane. And so smart!

Jimmy: Wicked smart. Had no idea what he was talking about ninety four percent of the time.

Shane: And you guys- for reference for the folks at home, these guys [Pointing at Brian and Jimmy] both have multiple PhDs.

Jimmy: Drove us completely mad, didn’t it?

Brian: Totally. We’re men of science, we deal with evidence, that’s our whole thing. Will used to make leaps that evidence didn’t explain, like he’d just - woosh - pull ‘em out of thin air. But he was always right. 

Jimmy: He was invaluable in cases. A lot of people are still alive right now because Will Graham did his psycho-head-voodoo to save them. All while he was losing it himself…

Brian: Mm. I hate to say it, but you could see it in him, toward the end. He was never talkative, but he was shaky and unresponsive, sweating and stumbling all the time. I was getting close to going to Jack about it, but then…

Jimmy: It was always something. 

Brian: And he wouldn’t have stopped, even though you could tell he wanted to. He was saving lives, and he knew it.

Shane: I can’t imagine.

Jimmy: No, you can’t. 

Ryan: Shifting direction a bit here, there’s been a lot of conjecture about the relationship between Lecter and Will. What do you guys think? 

Shane: Is there any way to describe a relationship like they had?

Brian: None.

Jimmy: We thought they were doing it, didn’t we?

Brian: Yeah. Will had that thing with Dr. Bloom, and they were sort of circling each other all the time, but when Lecter came in, it was like, BOOM. No comparison. 

Jimmy: You could taste it.

Brian: Ew.

Jimmy: We never did find out. I wouldn’t be surprised either way. These guys were so deep, when they talked to each other it was like they were having sex, do you know what I-

Shane: Oh, god.

Brian: I hate that I know what you mean.

Jimmy: Yeah, these guys took eye-sex to another level. 

Brian: And it wasn’t soft, it was hate sex- 

Jimmy: Sometimes it was soft.

Brian: Yeah, I mean, sometimes, but it was everything at least once. These guys had so much dimension, it was like watching… I don’t know, like a supernova, it was so intense.

Jimmy: It was always gonna end spectacularly, and it did. Honestly, I saw that crime scene at the cliff, and I was like ‘yeah, that makes sense’.

Brian: It was their kind of brutal, wasn’t it?

Jimmy: Mhm.

Ryan: What about Lecter? Before you found out who he really was, what was he like to work with?

Jimmy: We wanted to hate him. And we did, for a while. 

Brian: Yeah. There’s snobby, and then there’s Hannibal Lecter.

Jimmy: He made amazing croissants, though.

Brian: Let’s not go there. Anyway, he was smooth, you know, effortlessly so. So we should’ve hated him on principle, you know, he seemed like the kind of guy you couldn’t like-

Jimmy: But he was actually the kind of guy you couldn’t not like. Most psychopaths are.

Brian: It was hard to like Will, even if he was a really good dude, ‘cause he was so smart, and he wasn’t real good at communicating, and he was better at his job than we were just by virtue of being born that way. Lecter knew that, he preyed on it. He brought us croissants, the evil bastard.

Jimmy: Mhm. I remember thinking it’d be a breath of fresh air when Lecter replaced him, but… it wasn’t.

Brian: Nope.

Jimmy: Wasn’t the same. He got in the way, didn’t provide anything helpful, offered cryptic poetry instead of blunt sarcasm. We thought Bev was the only one who was gonna miss Will, but we all did.

Ryan: This was when he was incarcerated, right?

Brian: Yeah. Poor guy. He told us, but… no one believed him. 

Jimmy: We checked, of course. Beverely especially, she went through every fibre of Lecter’s wardrobe, searched his home, and found nothing. She even went to Will in jail, you know, to consult on cases, and it did save lives. I guess she never stopped looking, though, and that’s why…

[Brian bows his head and Jimmy purses his lips in regret. Both of them have distinct grief in the lines of their mouths.]

Brian: She was like a sister to us. 

Jimmy: Yeah, I liked her way better than your sister.

Brian: [Under his breath] Yeah, me too. 

Jimmy: [Also under his breath] Your sister’s a bitch.

Brian: [Under his breath with no heat] Shut up. [More loudly] Yeah, no idea what Will saw in the guy. I mean-

[Jimmy scoffs and looks at Brian doubtfully. Brian rolls his eyes and concedes the point.]

Brian: Yeah, okay, smokeshow. 

Ryan: Wait, seriously?

[Brian and Jimmy immediately start talking over each other in vehement confirmation.]

Jimmy: Ohhh yeah.

Brian: Impeccable style.

Jimmy: Built like a roman god.

Brian: Total silver fox.

Jimmy: He always smelled nice?

Brian: Dressed like a prince to squat in the mud.

Jimmy: And those croissants.

Brian: But Will wasn’t the type to care about that. I know people say that about everyone, but seriously, Will couldn’t have cared less if Lecter wore potato sacks to work. He had no respect for that stuff. Wasn’t dazzled for a second. 

Jimmy: It was kind of the other way ‘round, wasn’t it? Lecter was like this walking marble statue, and Will was-

Brian: Dog hair and flannel in a person. Hannibal abhorred rudeness and informality, he was all cordiality, and Will was rudeness and informality personified. Probably lived off dog food and kraft dinner. And he didn’t- how do I put this. He wasn’t afraid of ugly things. He didn’t blink at some of the most gruesome scenes I’ve ever been on. He would get his hands dirty without hesitation if it called for it, blood or flesh. And he stank sometimes, y’know, he was all sweaty-

Jimmy: You know what it was? He was a reminder of nature. That’s what he was like. 

Brian: What the fuck are you talking about now?

Jimmy: No, he was, nature’s gross, like mud and grit and harsh conditions-

Brian: Okay, he was like that, but don’t try to be poetic about it, you just sound stupid.

Jimmy: You’re the reason I drink, you know that?

Brian: You don’t need another reason.

Jimmy: Rude. 

Brian: So it’s easy for us to be like ‘what did Will see in him’ now, but at the time, it was like ‘what does Lecter see in him’?

Jimmy: Even though we liked Will better. 

Brian: Did we?

Jimmy: Yeah.

Brian: Yeah, we did, actually. 

Jimmy: And having seen the crime scenes… I’d wager they were made for each other. 

Ryan: Really? What was it about the crime scenes?

Shane: He used to make him valentines, right?

Jimmy: That’s a word for ‘em.

Brian: There was one guy- this is about to get graphic, I think.

Ryan: You think?

Jimmy: I’m a forensic analyst, I have no concept of what constitutes ‘graphic’. But there was one body that was sewn into a cherry tree by the roots. His chest cavity and torso were open. All his organs were gone-

Brian: Right into a fricassee, I assume.

Jimmy: -and replaced by different kinds of flower bouquets. Except the lungs, they were sort of the centre piece.  

Brian: Yeah, and that was far from the worst one. But Will took one look at it and knew what each flower meant and why it was used as it was, so I guess the sentiment got across. 

Ryan: [Hesitantly] It was his… love… language?

Jimmy: Just his language, I think. 

Brian: [Nodding] They weren’t all for Will.

Shane: What a weird fucking couple!!

Jimmy: Yeah!!

Shane: [Looking off-screen for confirmation] Okay, we are gonna have to wrap this up soon, but I seriously have to know about this Dr. Bloom character. 

Brian: She wrote, a, uh, memoir about it.

Jimmy: Lovely woman. 

Brian: She married the Verger woman, forget her name. They’ve got a kid now. He’s cute.

Jimmy: Right!

Brian: You hate kids.

Jimmy: I do, don’t I.

Shane: Well, it’s nice to know someone got a happy ending.

Ryan: Was she as insanely awesome as her quotes made her out to be?

Jimmy: Pretty much.

Brian: She and Will were kind of a thing for a bit, and Will didn’t suffer fools. She’s got major energy. 

Jimmy: Yeah, that woman’s powerful. She’s crazy smart, too, everyone from that team, I swear, all ungodly geniuses. 

Brian: Yeah, it was like working with Einstein, Captain America, Diogenes, and H.P Lovecraft.

Jimmy: And Bev.

Brian: And Bev. 

 

[Cut to all of them standing in shot, Jimmy giving an intentionally awkward smile and thumbs up.]

Shane: It has been a genuine pleasure talking with you.

Jimmy: [Not looking away from the camera or breaking character] We are delightful.

Brian: Back at you guys. We love watching the episodes on cases we worked, always hysterical. 

Ryan: Wait, what?

Jimmy: Bye!

 

The case of Hannibal Lecter and Will Graham’s disappearance is almost overshadowed by their intricate and gritty lives and the way they intersected. With a wife and child who still mourn him, there is no doubt that Will Graham was a greatly misunderstood man, and in the end, a hero. But the exact details of how his life was changed by the monster he quite possibly loved are still unknown. With such personal connections to the case, the FBI may never give us the full story, if they even have it. One thing’s for certain: for as long as the details elude the public, and quite possibly, the officials, the case will remain: 

Unsolved.  

 

Notes:

Price: I’ve connected the two dots-
Zeller: you didn’t connect shit
Price: I’ve connected them

Will: Can anyone, ANYONE AT ALL, tell me why I am here on a friday afternoon
Hannibal: H-
Will: Not you.

Will: https://getyarn.io/yarn-clip/ed521752-b3be-4977-8396-aead87d3e593

Jimmy: https://youtu.be/3u1twFHUN_c
Brian: 🤨

If y’all want a postmortem chapter I’m down, but I actually can’t think of a single question for the boys, so unless you guys give me some real good ones I might leave it here.

Chapter 5: Post-Mortem

Summary:

Ryan: Hello and welcome to another edition of Buzzfeed: Unsolved: Post-mortem, a show where we answer your most pressing questions about the most recent episode of Buzzfeed: Unsolved, which was the disappearance of Will Graham and Hannibal Lecter. All of the questions we’re answering today came from you guys via our Buzzfeed: Unsolved Facebook page and our Buzzfeed:Unsolved Instagram page. [Not looking] Shane, do not make the face.

 

[The boys are settled in front of the book set. Shane has a tan jacket on today with white fluff peeking out at the collar, glasses perched over his nose. Ryan has a white and blue striped button-up over a plain white t-shirt on. His eyes look a little wild despite the prominent bags under them.]

Ryan: Hello and welcome to another edition of Buzzfeed: Unsolved: Post-mortem, a show where we answer your most pressing questions about the most recent episode of Buzzfeed: Unsolved, which was the disappearance of Will Graham and Hannibal Lecter. All of the questions we’re answering today came from you guys via our Buzzfeed: Unsolved Facebook page and our Buzzfeed:Unsolved Instagram page. [Not looking] Shane, do not make the face.

Shane: [immediately sobering from the dramatic face he was making at the screen] What face? Who’s– who’s Shane?

Ryan: This episode was a wild one and I’m actually really excited to get into it, so I’m gonna ignore that, consider yourself lucky.

Shane: [quietly, looking around blankly] I don’t… I don’t know what he’s…

Ryan: Yeah, sure, whatever. 

Shane: The people had a lot of questions this time, from what I hear.

Ryan: [Eyebrows going up as he checks his phone] Yah, it was… it was a lot. There was a lot.

Shane: I mean, fair enough. I have a lot of questions, too. Not a lot of answers, though.

Ryan: Well, that’s on brand.

Shane: [laughs] Yeah. 

Ryan: I’m just gonna start, we really need to get into this, so– this one’s from Bartegee. Bartigie? Bart– on Facebook. How is it that Price and Zeller worked both on and with Lecter and Graham? Isn’t that a conflict of interest? Loved this ep by the way. This was a really interesting case.

Shane: [Blows air out through his mouth pointedly] Yeah it was.

Ryan: That’s a good question. I had to look into this myself, ‘cause I forgot to ask when we were there, and I just ended up texting them about it. But I have the answer now, and the short version is: yes, it is a conflict of interest, uh… a lot of exceptions were made for these guys. Remember, Graham was severely mentally compromised, and they still sent him out. 

Shane: Procedurally speaking, he wasn’t even supposed to be consulting, I think, right?

Ryan: Right. And then he was sick on top of that, you know, mentally compromised, and they were like… [shrugs] ‘oh well.’ 

Shane: Hey, why let a little thing like mental instability and conflict of interest get in your way, right? This is Will fuckin’ Graham! Price and Zeller are on the case, and fuck your reasonable doubts! 

Ryan: –Yeah. The fact of the matter is, these guys are the absolute best at what they do. And the Ripper case required the best. I imagine, uh, good ol’ Jack had to pull some strings, there.

Shane: Well, hang on now, that’s Agent Crawford to you.

Ryan: Oh, right, yeah–

Shane: He’s still out there…

Ryan: Yeah, that’s. Yeah. Sorry, Jack. I mean–

Shane: [Laughing] Ryan.

Ryan: Agent– I’m sorry. I’ll just– this is your fault, you called him Crawfish, you messed me up!!

Shane: [Laughing]

Ryan: [Struggling to tamp down on his own laughter, smiling] Uh, thank you for your comment, Bart.

-cut-

Shane: Gonna head on over to gram town for this one. This is from Mothman Apologist. Great name, by the way, that’s– I like that. Anyway, they say: I’m sorry, are we just not gonna talk about the teenage girl Hannibal abducted?? Wtf?? Who is that??

Ryan: [Leans forward and taps his palms on the table] Here’s the thing.

Shane: [Quietly] Here we go.

Ryan: There is… so much to cover with this guy. If we did a case on the actual crimes of Hannibal Lecter, we’d–

Shane: It would take a whole other series.

Ryan: –Yeah. I just couldn’t leave it though, so that’s why we did his disappearance instead. We focussed on him and Graham’s situation rather than all his other shit, that’s why we didn’t get into it. And [defensively] hey, the episode is like, half an hour as is!

Shane: It’s not half an hour.

Ryan: Whatever, it’s long. If you guys were interested in hearing about his crimes, we might do a few, but they’d have to be separate episodes, so-

Shane: Chime off!

Ryan: Chime off, yeah, you know what it is. And please do, because it’s super interesting. I won’t give anything away, but uh- that girl was… kind of a big deal.

Shane: [Leaning into a stage whisper] murder daughter.

-cut-

Ryan: This is from– [breaks into sudden laughter] –okay, it’s just–

Shane: What?

Ryan: It’s just so obvious you picked this one. Okay. This is from Allison Gear on Instagram: Can we get some more quotes, ghoul boys? Crazy how these people talk. Best ep so far, 10/10. Kisses!

Shane: Aww, they gave us kisses!

Ryan: Yeah that’s [with a hint of doubt] …nice. [He visibly decides not to think about it] Answer to that is [Leans forward with excited, twinkling eyes and a promising smile] Absolutely.

Shane: [Closes his eyes in delight and whispers] Yes!

 

Will Graham, quote: “Hannibal isn’t a product of anything. I never was either. We are unique things in that, unsure what to do with each other,” end quote.

 

Shane: [Thoughtfully] How can you get so lost in another human being?

Ryan: Especially that one! If I could choose a person to get lost in and jump off a cliff with–

Shane: [Nodding solemnly] Throat-tearing company, yes.

Ryan: It would have to be, like… I don’t know. Not Hannibal Lecter. 

Shane: Well you don’t choose to fall in love. Will was probably pissed. 

Ryan: I mean, I would be.

Shane: And he was– look, he had so much goin’ on, he didn’t need the drama. I think he was doin’ all the right things livin’ like a hermit all alone in a field with seven dogs. He had a good thing goin’, giving himself space to wrestle with his psyche–

Ryan: And then this fuckin’ guy comes along–

Shane: –All chequered suits and psych profiles, fuckin’... what, expensive cologne–

Ryan: Makin’ croissants.

Shane: Yeah. What a– what a wrench in my day that would be. 

Ryan: Wrench in your life.

Shane: Mhm.

 

Hannibal Lecter, quote: “We cannot accept the things we refuse to see. No matter how afraid Will was of the things he saw and how he felt about them, he never refused to accept them. I saw something truly precious in that, and I wanted to cure him of his fear. That is all I ever wanted for Will,” end quote.

 

Ryan: Fuck you, you murked his wife!

Shane: No he didn’t.

Ryan: Well he tried to!

Shane: He did do that, that was nasty. 

Ryan: [Indignantly waving his hands around] He’s out here tryna sound like he has Will’s best interests in mind– dude, you stabbed him!

Shane: [Chuckling] Yeah, and got fuckin’ roasted for it.

Ryan: [Also snickering] Hell yeah he did.

Shane: But you can kind of feel the… I don’t know, reverence, in that quote, can’tcha? It follows with the obsession thing, I get that vibe from this. 

Ryan: Fuck this guy’s vibe. Fuck this guy.

Bedelia DuMaurier, Lecter’s psychiatrist, quote: “It takes two to die: one to perish, one to observe. If Will had never come along, maybe Hannibal would have lived forever,” end quote.

 

Ryan: Good thing he did, then.

Shane: That is poetic as fucking balls, Ryan! What do they FEED these people?! [Under his breath] And where can I get some?

Ryan: I have no idea.

Shane: So what she’s saying is, Will’s the only one who saw Lecter for what he was. 

Ryan: [Thoughtfully staring up into the ceiling] Yeah, and you know, it tracks with what Jimmy and Brian said about Will. Him being unimpressed with Lecter’s signature psychopath charm, and him being [thinking of the right word]sort of raw, like nature. 

Shane: Yeah, just unshakeable. But also super shakeable, but like–

Ryan: Yeah, I get what you mean. They said he wouldn’t flinch at super gory crime scenes or dark profiles, and he was sifting through the real grit of humanity, really not pretty stuff. You know, if I was a serial killer, I guess I can see why that’d be exciting, to find someone like that.

Shane: We all just wanna be understood, in the end. 

Ryan: I don’t think psychopaths do, actually. 

Shane: Yeah, but if you were a, y’know, a Hannibal Lecter– total nutjob, like cuttin’ into people and eatin’ ‘em, wearing chequered fucking suits, like who does that? – and then here comes along this guy, this profiler. One of a kind, insanely smart, capable of basically anything and open about all the things you hide about yourself–

Ryan: Solid ten, too.

Shane: Ohh, yeah. And he gets you. I’m just sayin’... hard not to fall. 

Ryan: Yeah, can’t imagine many people get you when you’re a heartless monster. 

Shane: Exactly.

 

Lecter, quote: “Will. Was it good to see me?”

Will: “Good? No,” end quote.

 

[There is a good long segment of the boys just wheezing, hitting the desk, and pointing at the camera as if mocking Lecter through the lens. Shane makes a fart noise and pretends to catch said fart and throw it in the camera (Lecter)’s face.]

-cut-

Shane: Taking it over to gramtown now, we’ve got– [suddenly crumples into laughter on reading the question]

Ryan: [Breaking out into giggles] Oh, I alreaady know which one you’ve got. 

Shane: [Through a big smile] Uhh, can we ask this?

Ryan: We’ve trampled over boundaries enough, at this point–

Shane: [Already talking over him excitedly] ThisisfromHarryHHarryHasks: For the postmortem, who do you think was the top?

[They wheeze for a while.]

Shane: Y’know, I…

Ryan: [Smugly to the camera] We know who’s toppin’.

Shane: [Equally smug] Oh yeah, we know. 

Ryan: You heard Brian and Jimmy. Will took zero shit from Lecter, or anyone. 

Shane: Did you hear how he talked to his fuckin’ boss??

Ryan: Guy’s my hero. 

Shane: Mine too. Having said that, have you considered power bottom?

Ryan: [Gaze turning thoughtful] Ooh… maybe.

Shane: ‘Cause remember, Lecter was no slouch himself. Very confident, powerful- 

Ryan: Charming, charismatic–

Shane: I believe the exact words used were ‘silver fox’.

Ryan: Good point…

Shane: I don’t know. I think maybe they were swappin’. Which– keep in mind, these are real people who may have been totally platonic–

Ryan: One of which is a fucking murderer.

Shane: And the other of which had a wife, so…

Ryan: [Bites his lip and looks into the distance, wondering how this is his life and trying not to laugh. He clears his throat and looks pointedly back at the file.] Uhm, anyway–

Shane: Yeah, erm, let’s move on.

Ryan: This is from Winston’s_Dad on Instagram, and they ask: If you could have one meal prepared for you by Hannibal Lecter, what would you have? I’m trying to decide on dinner. Also, thank you for acknowledging Beverley. Say hi to Brian and Jimmy for me. Yeah, I would have none. There is no– he could be a 6-star chef. I’m not fuckin’ touchin’ it.

Shane: Ask for a salad.

Ryan: No. I don’t even want a salad from him.

Shane: No meat.

Ryan: It doesn’t matter! I don’t eat meals made by serial killers! [Accusingly] What’s your answer then, huh, big guy?

Shane: …Probably like a burger? I don’t know.

Ryan: [Looks into the camera and shakes his head. Under his breath:] Unbelievable.

Shane: In all seriousness, though, Beverley Katz was a good woman who died trying to do the right thing, and it is a genuine tragedy that she died. 

Ryan: Absolutely. I wasn’t so sure about the ethics of this whole thing, but Jimmy and Brian assured me that she would’ve loved this. Brian actually said that she’s watching the from [gestures to the sky] upstairs and laughing her ass off. I also spoke with Beverley’s family, and they think so too, they were great about the whole thing. From what I’ve heard, it seems she was a genuinely lovely woman with a great sense of humour, a whole lot of brain, and even more heart, so. 

Shane: We even thought of doing, like, a moment of silence type of thing, but apparently she hated those, so that was out.

Ryan: If she was alive, I think we’d’ve been friends.

Shane: Oh, absolutely. She sounds awesome.

-cut-

Ryan: Okay, that about does it for this episode of Buzzfeed: Unsolved: Post-mortem. Make sure you watch the episode this Friday, then send in your questions to the Buzzfeed: Unsolved Facebook page and the Buzzfeed: Unsolved Instagram page, or comment directly on the video ON BUN and maybe you’ll be in the next episode!

Shane: [Stretches] WOOOOOOH SEEYAGUYSNEXTWEEK!!

Ryan: [Laughs]

 

 

Notes:

Beverley is up in heaven rn, wheezing. Hannibal is making burgers tonight.

Notes:

I’m genuinely thinking of adding a Brian zeller/Jimmy price interview in here because you know they’d be DELIGHTED to be on the show