Chapter Text
— a v a —
Ava shakes out her nerves as the band gets ready to take the stage. Everyone is here on time this time (even JC). It's the first performance of their contracted gigs at the Cat’s Cradle.
The past week has been full of sound checks and rehearsals all leading up to this moment. Long story short, it’s been a stressful couple of days. Ava has so much homework to catch up on, it's insane. Maybe she can get Beatrice to tutor her or something, she’s smart.
She pushes those thoughts away as she does a quick breathing exercise. She’d be lying if she said she wasn’t nervous. The chatter of the crowd is overwhelming as it swells on the other side of the stage.
All of a sudden, it’s like Ava can’t stop thinking. Her palms start to feel sweaty and the air around her feels stuffy. Her breathing turns shallow.
What if she fucks up the words or cracks on a note and the crowd hates her and they boo her off stage and she ruins the contract with Cat’s Cradle and they never want them to come back and the band has to go back to playing half empty bars and then eventually they just have to disband all together because she’s ruined everything and-
Camila comes up next to her, placing one of her hands firmly on Ava’s back. She can always tell when Ava’s anxiety is getting the best of her. It’s one of the perks of being best friends for more than a decade.
“Hey, listen, deep breaths. This is the same as all the rest of the performances we’ve done. We were just here a week ago,” Camila smiles encouragingly, rubbing a large circle on Ava’s back. This prompts Ava to inhale deeply, although still a bit shaky.
“You’re gonna do great,” Camila adds with a determined nod.
“My brain is going a million miles a minute, Cam,” Ava admits, turning slightly to face her, “What if I can't focus out there and I screw us?” She lets out another shaky breath.
“That isn’t going to happen,” Camila reasons, “You could sing these songs in your sleep.” Her smile turns teasing, “Actually, I can confirm that you have sung these songs in your sleep, pretty loudly too.”
Ava lets out a small chuckle in return, already feeling her worries fade a little bit. Of course, she knows Camila is right. She knows these songs front to back.
Even if she were to fuck something up, which she has only very rarely done, she’s pretty good at recovering. There isn’t really anything that could happen that would completely ruin them.
Her shoulders lose a bit of their tension and this causes Camila’s smile to grow even further.
“There she is,” she muses, “Now let’s go.” Camila slaps Ava’s butt unexpectedly as she walks away, causing Ava to let out a startled squeak before they both laugh.
Soon enough, the group is taking the stage again. It’s similar to their last performance here, except this time there are custom banners and decals tailored to their band. It’s more of a spectacle.
Ava smiles as the cheering picks up, “Good to see you again, Cat’s Cradle!” There’s another surge from the crowd. “Once again, we’re Hope at Last Oath. Let’s fucking do this!”
~ Now Playing : The Anthem by Good Charlotte ~
It’s a new day
But it all feels old…
— b e a t r i c e —
Both Beatrice and Lilith are attempting to come to terms with the fact that Beatrice has a crush. It’s been years since she has been interested in anyone, so Lilith seems rather bummed that nothing will be able to come from it.
“Well, this opens the door at least,” Lilith says thoughtfully as she scrolls through to find a new movie on the TV.
Beatrice pulls her eyes up from one of her new books, “What?”
Since their talk during lunch, the air has been a little awkward between them. They both stayed in the living room though, Lilith silently understanding that Beatrice needed company so she wouldn’t spiral with her feelings.
Suddenly recognizing this was the first thing that she had said in about an hour, Lilith rephrases, “You having a crush, it opens the door.”
Beatrice sighs as she closes her book, using one of her fingers to hold her place, “What do you mean?”
“I mean now we know you’re ready to be interested in someone,” Lilith responds.
“I don’t think-”
“No, listen,” Lilith interrupts harshly, “You haven’t gone on a date in ages. Women are attracted to you whether you like it or not.” Beatrice rolls her eyes at this statement, but Lilith continues, “If you just go on a couple dates maybe you’ll see that you’re ready to be back in the game. I’ve been trying to get you laid for so long Beatrice. Now’s the chance.”
Beatrice takes a deep breath in, looking away from Lilith as focusing on a random spot on the wall. Her mind flashes back to Ava smiling at her in class.
Ava asking questions in the lab and getting excited when she gets something right. Ava texting her dumb jokes in the middle of the day. Ava leaning forward and listening intently as Beatrice reads her a poem. A blush creeping up Ava’s neck that she pretended not to notice.
She thinks of Ava falling into her at the store. How her heart picked up. Ava looking at her with hopeful eyes as Camila invited Beatrice to lunch.
Subsequently, she thinks of a guy pulling Ava close to him. Thinks of him kissing the top of her head so comfortably. Imagines what else they do together…
“Fine,” Beatrice finally says to pull herself out of her own thought process, “Fine, I’ll go on a date.”
Lilith widens her eyes, perking up a bit. She clearly had expected more of a fight at least.
“Good,” Lilith says triumphantly, standing up and pulling her phone out of her pocket with purpose.
“What are you doing?” Beatrice asks, glancing nervously between Lilith and her phone.
“I have someone I want you to meet before you change your mind,” Lilith responds, “I’m seeing if she’s free tonight.”
“Tonight?!” Beatrice exclaims, standing up abruptly, “Not tonight, Lilith!”
“Relax,” Lilith responds, putting a hand on her roommate’s shoulder, “You don’t have to go on an actual date tonight. I’m just going to invite her over and you can meet and talk. You can see how you would feel about going out with her. I’ll be here the whole time.”
Beatrice relaxes only slightly. At least she won’t be going on a formal date without being prepared. And Lilith would be there to act as a barrier or a conversation starter or a mediator or whatever she was planning on doing.
Lilith’s phone pings and she nods with finality, “Alright, she’s going to come over.”
Panic rises in Beatrice’s throat again but Lilith grabs both of her shoulders sternly, “It’s going to be fine, Idiot. Just a pretty girl who wants to meet you.”
Beatrice swallows thickly and nods.
-
Not long after, there’s a knock on the door of their apartment. Lilith gets up quickly and Beatrice rubs her palms on her legs a few times to calm herself down.
“Hey Dora, come in,” Lilith greets from the door.
Beatrice turns her head to look over the couch at the girl entering the apartment.
Dora immediately reminds her of one of her group mates from her psychology class the year before, Mary. She has the same sort of badass energy to her, like she could kill you with just a glance. Not to mention she’s obviously pretty fit. Her cutoff shirt shows off the definition in her arms.
Lilith leads Dora into the living room and Beatrice stands up, holding her hand out.
“This is my roommate Beatrice,” Lilith introduces as Dora grips Beatrice’s hand, “Beatrice, this is Dora.”
“I’ve heard a lot about you,” Dora responds. Beatrice knows that’s a lie. Lilith would have next to no reason to bring Beatrice up in a conversation. But she lets it slide for the sake of pleasantries.
“All good things, I hope?” Beatrice responds with a tight smile. Everything she’s been taught to do since she was young.
Dora laughs at that and looks over at Lilith, “You weren’t kidding when you said she’s contained huh?”
Beatrice’s eyes snap over to Lilith who shrugs with a teasing smile. “What else did she say about me?” Beatrice questions with a slight frown.
“That you’re also her best friend,” Dora adds to pacify the situation, she still has a small smile on her face. Lilith nudges her with an elbow sharply.
This makes Beatrice chuckle. “Alright, sit down you two,” Lilith says with a roll of her eyes, “I’m going to go make some drinks.”
Beatrice’s eyes follow Lilith anxiously as she leaves the room. Before she reaches the entrance to the kitchen, Lilith turns to give Beatrice a thumbs up.
“So, Beatrice, tell me about yourself,” Dora starts.
Despite whatever Lilith thought was going to happen, their conversation is rather boring. It feels like it drags on forever. It feels too formal. It feels… not right.
Beatrice stays though. She makes small talk and sips on the cocktail Lilith eventually brings her, which is way too strong for her taste.
They talk about where Lilith and Dora met : The Gym. Talk about Majors : Finance for Beatrice, Criminal Justice for Dora. They talk only briefly about family : Dora has two younger brothers, Beatrice doesn’t want to talk about it. Talk about so much but not really anything at all.
And then, as quickly as she had arrived, Dora was gone. Lilith and Beatrice sit quietly in the living room for a few minutes.
Lilith is the first one to break the silence, as usual, “So it’s a no to Dora.”
“Right,” Beatrice agrees, “she was nice just-” She pauses, fidgeting with the bottom hem of her shirt. “I don’t know, I didn’t feel anything.”
Lilith nods. “Well that’s okay,” she says, standing up and grabbing their cups to put in the sink, “she’s just the first try.”
“Yeah,” Beatrice mumbles quietly.
-
Later, much later, when Beatrice is laying in bed staring at the ceiling, she finds that she can’t sleep. She’s not sure of the exact cause of her sudden insomnia but she feels like her mind is running on a treadmill too fast.
She glances at the clock next to her bed periodically.
11:00
She wonders fleetingly how often Lilith is going to do this. How many blind dates she’ll have to go through. She wonders if any of them will be anything like Ava.
11:15
She tries to think about how much time she’ll have to set aside for these dates. She already has the Biology project she has to work on. She’ll have to set up more frequent but shorter meeting with Ava. And that’s not to mention all of the homework for her other classes. What if she doesn't have time to finish all of her new books? She hasn’t even finished the Emily Dickinson poems for her Post-1865 American Literature class.
She spirals a little then.
12:15
She was struggling to understand the poems a few weeks ago. The words just weren’t connecting in her brain. It isn’t something that happens often.
But lately she finds herself rereading lines and understanding their meaning. Their longing phrases.
As she focuses on keeping her eyes closed, some of the lines seem burned into her eyelids.
“Hope” is the thing with feathers - // That perches in the soul -
My River runs to thee – // Blue Sea – Wilt welcome me?
I had been hungry, all the Years – // My Noon had Come – to dine –
She thinks Ava would like that last one more than the one she read to her before.
12:30
Beatrice groans and flips over to her other side, forcing her eyes shut tightly. She lays there in silence for a couple of minutes that each feel like hours. It doesn’t work.
She turns over one more time to look at the clock.
12:50
Suddenly, a thought pops into her head and she grabs her phone off the nightstand. The sudden bright light of the screen makes her squint, but she navigates to her messages quickly and types out a text, deleting and retyping multiple times before finally pressing send.
— a v a —
The concert flies by flawlessly, despite all of Ava’s worries. She should honestly feel tired from the amount of energy she gave out on the stage, but she is completely buzzing with adrenaline.
So when the entire band is invited to a party nearby, they all agree excitedly.
The two-story house they reach a few minutes later is practically bouncing with the loud bass boosted music playing inside. Bright colored lights shine through the windows and groups of people are already poured out into the front yard.
The group is no stranger to nightlife, so they walk confidently through the doors to join the nonsense.
Camila pulls on Ava’s sleeve as she bounces on the balls of her feet. “Drinks!” she yells to be heard over the music, pointing towards where the kitchen seems to be.
Ava whoops loudly and allows herself to be pulled by her best friend. She is acutely aware of Mary and Michael following after them and JC dancing badly through the crowd opposite of them.
The girls grab their drinks quickly. Two beers for Mary and Micheal and two sweeter wine coolers for Ava and Camila. Ava picks something called Ultimate Cherry Blast and Camila chooses Watermelon Explosion. The names seem a little intense for their fruity flavors but who are they to judge?
“Should we get one for JC?” Camila asks, trying and failing to hide the annoyed look on her face.
Ava practically scoffs at the idea, “If he wants one he can come get one himself.”
Mary nods stoically in agreement which causes Camila to let out a laugh before she starts pulling Ava back into the dancing crowd.
The music vibrates through Ava’s body as she dances with near reckless abandon. Her arms swim through the air as she lifts them above her head and Camila mimics her movements.
With a couple wine coolers (and shots) down and many songs later, Ava feels someone slide behind her, holding her waist as she moves back and forth. She feels lips press against her neck. A slight turn of her head confirms her suspicion that JC has finally found her in the crowd. Ava connects their lips lazily, still continuing her sway.
JC hums against Ava’s lips and pulls her harder against his front. They dance recklessly together, hands moving up and down each other’s bodies. Every so often their lips find their way into the mix.
It almost feels nice for a little bit. Ava can feel a slight buzz and her senses are all occupied.
Eventually, Ava feels JC lingering on her neck, sucking harshly and definitely leaving marks. He plants a kiss under Ava’s ear before murmuring, “You wanna get out of here?”
Ava frowns slightly and pulls her face away from his, looking into his eyes, “I just wanna dance tonight, JC. Can we just dance?”
It’s always this way with her boyfriend. Sex is the goal, nothing can be just for romance or for fun. It’s always the means to an end. It's exhausting.
JC takes his turn to frown before he scoffs and pushes off of her, storming off to some unknown part of the house.
Because of course he does. In a moment where Ava thought that maybe they could get better and make something work between them, he leaves without a word.
As if on cue, Camila slides back into the picture, grabbing both of Ava’s hands and forcing her to dance again.
Camila leans forward towards Ava’s ear so she can be heard over the music, “You okay?”
Ava just nods in response with a small smile. As Camila pulls away with a nod. They’re back to swaying freely for only a few minutes before Camila suddenly stiffens, her eyes locked in the direction of the door.
Ava stops moving and looks at her friend confused for a moment before she follows her gaze and her jaw clenches. Walking through the doorway confidently is no other than Zori, followed closely by her normal entourage.
Why the fuck would she be here? How did she even know about this party? It wasn’t like it was one of Randall’s. Ava had never even seen most of these people before in her life. How would Zori, of all people, know about it?
Ava turns back to Camila quickly, a sudden panic filling her eyes. They both look at each other for a second and Ava shakes her head frantically, attempting to telepathically communicate her needs to Camila.
She needs to get out of here. And fast.
Being her best friend, of course, Camila picks up on the gesture immediately. She begins searching with her eyes for Mary and Michael near the walls of the house. When she finally finds them, they’re already staring directly at the other pair.
Mary looks ready to pounce and Michael looks mostly worried and just a little bit pissed. Camila gestures with her head towards the set of stairs nearby and begins leading Ava towards them. Michael attempts to follow, but Mary grabs his arm and shakes her head slightly. More people in there would only make it worse.
Everything has just gone to shit. This night had been so good up until about 5 minutes ago. They had a great gig, had been invited to a party, and got to get a little bit drunk. And now all of a sudden, her boyfriend stormed off because she wasn’t really in the mood and then his ex showed up strutting in like she owned the place.
Ava can feel her heartbeat in her ears as Camila sits her down on a bed in what looks like a guest room judging by the lack of decor. But she can’t really focus on that. She’s mostly thinking about the loud ringing sound in her ears.
“Don’t move, I’m going to get you some water,” Camila says, squeezing Ava’s knee comfortingly. Ava nods and Camila leaves the room, making sure to lock the door as she left so no one would get any ideas.
Ava starts pulling off her overshirt, suddenly feeling very hot and claustrophobic. When she finally pulls it off and throws it onto the floor somewhere, she flops down fully against the bed. She quickly regrets her decision as pain immediately floods to her head.
Why is Zori here?
Ava is too drunk for this. It’s all too much. She can feel her breathing getting more erratic as time passes. She needs to get out of here. She needs to tell Camila she wants to leave and then call an uber and go. She needs to-
Her phone vibrates once in her pocket. She pulls it out quickly, desperately hoping for a text from any of her friends downstairs.
Beatrice : What do you call an organic compound with an attitude?
Oh.
Me : huh?
Beatrice : A-mean-o acid.
Despite everything, Ava lets out a disbelieving laugh. She sits up and winces a little as another pain shoots through her head. Her fingers hover over the keyboard for a second.
Me : was that… a joke, Beatrice Young?
Beatrice : Much better than your Biology teacher one, in my opinion.
Me : mmmm I dont think so
Beatrice : Agree to disagree then.
Ava smiles then glances at the time at the top of her screen. It’s almost 1am.
Me : isnt it past your bedtime??
Beatrice : Yes, actually. I just didn't want to forget the joke.
Beatrice : Goodnight, Ava Silva.
Me : goodnight
Ava locks her phone and puts it back in her pocket. For some unknown reason she feels better already. Her breathing has evened out and she doesn’t feel as hot. She takes a deep breath just as Camila comes back into the room holding two water bottles. The music from outside the door fills the room briefly before it dims again to a dull hum.
Camila hands Ava one of the bottles of water with a soft and caring smile. “Feeling better?” she asks before opening her own water bottle and taking a swig from it. Ava nods and chugs half of hers before closing it firmly.
“I do think I want to leave though. I’m feeling too overwhelmed. I’ll just call an Uber and head back to the apartment,” Ava says, standing up.
“I’ll go with you, this party stinks anyway,” Camila responds before wrapping one of her arms around Ava’s shoulders.
Ava knows that Camila is lying. She loves parties and this one is just her style, Ava knows she just wants to make sure her best friend gets home safe, and she appreciates it more than even she can comprehend right now.
Together they go back downstairs to find their other friends. Michael and Mary haven’t moved from their spot, leaned against the wall casually. Their hardened expressions soften a little as Ava and Camila wander up to them.
Camila jerks her head towards the front door and the whole group spills out of the house, gathering in a small circle on the front patio.
“Me and Ava are going to go home, are you guys good?” Camila asks, looking between both of them.
“We’ll probably head out soon too,” Mary answers before focusing her attention on Ava, “How about you? Are you alright, baby girl?”
Ava nods with a small smile. “I just wanna go home,” she admits with a shrug of her shoulders.
Mary places an uncharacteristically soft hand on Ava’s shoulder and squeezes lightly, “I know a lot has been going on, but you did great tonight, okay? Outstanding”
Michael chimes in, “You really did, Ava. The crowd absolutely loved you. Focus on that.” He smiles proudly and it almost makes Ava want to cry. She might be sobering up a bit, but she’s still too drunk for compliments.
“I love you guys,” Ava replies as she feels a tear fall down her cheek.
Well shit, that was not the plan.
She feels herself getting pulled into a hug, first by Camila, then Michael joins, wrapping himself around both girls. Camila pulls Mary in last. She huffs as if she’s going to argue, but untenses quickly and melts into the hug.
After a few moments, the hug breaks. Ava uses the back of her hand to wipe the leftover tears from her eyes. “Okay, okay let’s leave,” She says with a laugh. Camila chuckles in return and pulls out her phone to get the uber.
“I’m gonna go back in and see if I can find JC and tell him we’re leaving,” Michael says, leaving the group to head back into the party.
Mary settles against the outside wall to wait. Camila and Ava lean on the porch railing. After only a few minutes of waiting, Ava feels a shiver across her whole body. She wraps her arms around herself and rubs them to try and warm up. Suddenly, she remembers something.
“My shirt!” She exclaims abruptly, causing Camila to jump slightly.
“What?” Camila asks in confusion, still a little startled.
“I left my shirt in that room,” she explains, pushing up off the rail and pulling on Camila’s sleeve lightly, “Will you come with me to get it before the uber shows up?”
Camila groans exaggeratingly, allowing herself to be dragged back into the house once again. They push through the crowd to get to the stairs, which is taking way longer than expected.
Ava has to avoid elbows and asses to finally get to the point where she can climb up the stairs. Since they left, the stairs had filled with random couples making out in various positions.
Ava rolls her eyes as she steps over their various limbs. They finally reach the door and Ava pushes it open. When her eyes adjust to the light of the room, she gasps audibly and stands frozen in the doorway.
There’s someone on the bed. Two people actually, shamelessly grinding on each other, complete with moans and sighs and hands touching and grabbing everywhere they can. One of the bodies is achingly familiar.
Ava feels numb. It’s JC. And under JC lies an almost fully naked Zori. She looks towards the doorway with an almost smug expression. Her bra is halfway off but she doesn’t even bother to cover herself up as she locks eyes with Ava. Instead she leans her head back and lets out a (surely overexaggerated) moan.
Camila had gotten stuck on the stairs so she lagged behind Ava a bit. She passes Ava, who is still frozen with her hand stuck on the doorknob, with a confused look. Finally, she looks into the room, “What the fuck?!”
JC groans loudly with one final thrust before he turns his head towards the door. His eyes widen and his jaw drops. It would almost be comedic if the situation wasn’t so fucked up.
JC throws himself off of Zori impressively quick. His clothes are mostly abandoned on the foot of the bed and when he lifts himself off the bed, he grabs his jeans from the pile hastily. He struggles to pull them on as he gets out of the bed, walking towards Ava but fumbling as he attempts to clothe himself.
“Ava-” he starts. But Ava closes the door abruptly, slamming it loudly and turning away from the room. It feels like she can’t breathe.
Camila is already pulling Ava down the stairway again, attempting to speed through without falling. The next few minutes go by Ava in a blur. She can’t hear anything that anyone says to her. It feels like the scene she walked in on is playing on a loop in her mind.
— m a r y —
Mary sees a car pull up on the street and is almost certain it’s the Uber Camila called. She leans forwards and looks towards the door of the house. Right as she does, Camila comes bowling out, holding Ava close to her side. Ava looks as though she’s seen a ghost. Camila looks as though she’s ready to kill.
“What happened?” Mary asks, looking both of them over frantically.
“He’s out, Mary. JC is out,” Camila is practically snarling as she speaks.
“Okay, he’s out,” Mary complies easily. She doesn’t need a reason to kick JC out of the band, it’s been a long time coming. She would however, like an explanation, “But why? What happened?”
Camila’s jaw tightens and she looks back towards the door.
Ava’s voice surprises both of the other girls as it comes out with a unamused chuckle that sounds alien coming out of Ava’s mouth, “He fucked Zori. I saw it.”
Mary swallows dryly and feels her hands clench at her sides, “I’m gonna kill him.” She storms towards the door. “Get her home,” Mary calls over her shoulder, “I’ll text you.”
She doesn’t take the time to watch them go as she stalks into the house.
Surprisingly, there is already some sort of commotion as she walks in. Most of the dancing has stopped and there is a tight circle formed near the bottom of the staircase.
Mary pushes through the crowd angrily and suddenly has a front row seat to the action. On the floor JC and Micheal are tumbling, exchanging blows. Their limbs are flailing just to attempt to make contact with the other.
“That’s my sister you dick! Fuck You!” Michael yells so loud it can be heard over the bass of the music that is still playing. He finally gets JC pinned underneath him and he gets in a few good punches to his face. “Fucking. Asshole. Fuck. You,” he yells between punches.
Mary moves into action, grabbing Michael and pulling him off of JC. As she holds him back by his arms, he struggles for a second but then relaxes when he sees that it’s Mary. She lets go when he’s calmed himself a little and pushes him lightly away from the area.
“Go,” she says, pointing to the door. Michael clenches and unclenches his fists a few times before he turns away in a huff and makes his way out of the house.
Mary takes this time to turn back to JC. She can feel her blood boiling. JC is attempting to get up now. He’s on his hands and knees with one hand reaching up to his nose.
When he looks up and sees Mary, he starts begging “Mary please I-”
He’s cut off by a hard kick to his stomach. He groans loudly and falls back to the floor.
“Stay the fuck away from her,” Mary practically growls.
“And if it wasn't clear, you’re out of the band.”