Chapter Text
Gordon lies in his bed, staring through glossy eyes at the ceiling. He can’t remember how long he’s been awake. Every rise and fall of his chest ached his creaking ribs and neglected wounds. He couldn’t move. The smallest twitch became a wave of agony; his muscles refusing to endure any more strain. He stayed on his back, unable to focus on anything but his body failing him. He slipped in and out of consciousness, hazy figures popping in and out of his vision. Their voices muddied by his heartbeat, he strained to hear what they were saying about him – he knew they were talking about him. They had to be. But his pain deafened him, and he couldn’t hear them. And when they surrounded him to aid his wounds, he couldn’t hear his own screams.
Earlier that day, in the first slivers of the misty morning, Gordon and Co. had arrived to White Forest to join the rest of the resistance. They had occupied a small village that had survived the strider attack and were beginning to expand and build a safe space to reestablish humanity outside of Combine rule. With the fertility suppression field taken down and more resistance members taking refuge in White Forest, they needed to prepare for a much larger population.
Once they arrived, Barney led him and Alyx to one of the bigger houses near the center of the village. Boxes were strewn about the empty space, filled with various equipment that Gordon assumed was Eli and Kleiner’s. Dust floated through the rays of the early morning sun as they walked through the house and up the stairs.
“Here’s my room,” Barney motioned to the nearest door to them, “that one’s Alyx’s, and Gordon’s the one down the hall.”
Alyx had some things already set up in her room: a small pile of clothes, a box of various tech junk and knicknacks, and a snark in a jar. Gordon smiled; he missed the snarks, they were cute. Alyx looked around her room at the belongings already set up for her, then plopped onto her bed to relax. “Wake me up when Dad gets home,” she said, exhausted.
In comparison, Gordon’s room was bare. Just the necessities: a bed, with a nightstand on either side, a wardrobe and dresser, a desk, and a chair facing the bed. There was also a nook by the window. The view overlooked the other houses and into the forest. There was a creek weaving through the trees and passed some houses on the outer edge of the village. Gordon took the view in before being interrupted by Kleiner.
“Gordon! We’re so relieved you’ve made it here safe!” Kleiner smiled as he approached Gordon. “Well, let’s skip the small talk. We don’t want to keep the medic waiting. Barney, could you wake Alyx up? We’re going to need help getting the HEV suit off.” Alyx groaned.
Kleiner continued to talk, but Gordon stopped listening. He was suddenly struck with nerves as Kleiner led him by the arm to his bed. The sheets were neatly made, he noticed. Two pillows in mostly clean pillowcases topped the freshness of the off-white sheets. He liked the color of the sheets. A faded sage green.. He was so focused on the sheets and the neatness of the bed that he didn’t notice the small group of medics that gathered in his room, their chatter fading into background noise.
He was suddenly brought back to reality when a mob of hands held and examined him by the armor of his HEV suit. He was brought up to stand as they pried parts of the HEV suit off him. They were rough and tossed him between themselves until the soft voice of his suit said “shutting down. Have a very safe day.” and then he was slipped out of his precious body armor.
He felt so weak. He couldn’t stand by himself. He was put into bed to lie down. Suddenly, he was very aware of his wounds. He couldn’t even scream in pain before he passed out from it. The medics examined and bandaged him as he slipped in and out of consciousness, before coming to and staring at the ceiling through glassy eyes.
He felt powerless. A husk of what the world now thought of him. Savior of the world, he thought, and he can barely handle getting saved himself. His breath hitched as hot tears fell down his face and onto the pillow he rested his head on. His tears fell faster as his uneven sobs brought waves of pain through his entire body.
There was a soft rapping at his door before being followed by Barney’s voice. “Hey Gordo,” he said before opening the door. Gordon wanted to cover himself, to hide from embarrassment. But his arms burned and ached as he moved them to cover his face. He yelled in pain, his sobs now uncontrollable. Barney rushed to his side and comforted him. He ran his fingers through Gordon’s now short hair and wiped his tears from his face.
“It’s okay Gordon,” Barney said as he sat Gordon up, who wailed in pain with every movement. He continued to give comfort until Gordon calmed down enough to stop the cycle of agony. “I brought you something to eat. You haven’t eaten anything all day.” Gordon looked out the window. It was night. “You also need to drink. You were hurt pretty bad… you look pretty rough...” Gordon nodded. He looked to his nightstand where a nutrient block and a bottle of water sat. “We have better food, I promise,” he let out a dry laugh, “but they wanted to have you eat something bland. They said you probably wouldn’t have much of an appetite. Better than nothing, I guess.” His unconvincing smile fading into a furrowed brow.
Gordon attempted to move his arms again, but Barney protested before he could hurt himself. “Don’t worry Gordo, I got you.” He unwrapped the nutrient block and held it to Gordon’s mouth. Slowly Gordon chipped away at the nutrient block, stopping every once in a while for Barney to help him drink. Barney was right, he thought, it is bland, like the shredded wheat cereal that he refused to eat as a kid.
Once Gordon couldn’t eat anymore, Barney cleaned up and ate the rest of the nutrient block. Gordon liked having something to watch, it helped him take his mind off of his body. Barney turned off the light in the room and sat in the chair, his feet resting on the end of the bed. The only light was the moon illuminating Barney’s side as he lounged, watching Gordon. Gordon couldn’t do anything else but stare back at Barney. They locked eyes for a long while. Barney gave Gordon a soft smile, barely visible through the moon light.
“Do you want to lie down to sleep?” Barney whispered, breaking the silence. Gordon didn’t move. The next stretch of silence was just a moment, but the sudden tension made it feel like ages. “Well,” Barney continued after a beat, “if you change your mind let me know. I’m on night shift for watching you.” He smiled before breaking eye contact to look out the window. Gordon continued to lay motionless until he slipped into slumber watching Barney.