Melancholy of Difference

by ElvaEla17

Summary:

A retelling of KCD with my take on the characters, including making Hans more involved and adding numerous scenes and internal struggles to the original story of KCD.

Henry, who kept a sinful part of himself locked away from himself and the world. Hans, who always put on a noble facade to fulfill his role as a noble. After that fateful day in Skalitz, their worlds collide and refuse to tear apart, between self-hatred and acceptance, fear of being shunned and unconditional understanding, war and peace, struggle and love.

Notes:

Gay Henry who's scared to act on his feelings and getting exposed, confused Hans who already had enough on his plate before Henry started messing with his mind. These 2 have taken over my brain for months now and I had to get my love of them out somehow. This will be my take on these excellent characters, trying to keep them as close to character as i can while adding some more of my own thoughts, trauma, insecurity and love onto their story.

Chapter 1: where his life ended and began

Sinner. Sodomite. Disappointment.
Henry was different. He had already known that from an early age, even if it took him a long time to figure out the root of that gnawing feeling. A little shyer than other boys, more timid, less interested in the same things as them. As he grew up, that feeling of difference never left him, instead bringing with it a silent fear, fear of not showing his real self to anyone, fear of being shunned, abandoned.
“Maybe I’ll get out of Skalitz one day,” he thought, “become an adventurer, and freely be myself.”
It was a hopeful thought that seemed ever so out of reach, feeling more like a dream that would never come true.
So, Henry drifted through life, a little lost with no aspirations that didn’t seem like an unattainable future. His life wasn't exactly bad, son of a renowned blacksmith, who taught him all there was to blacksmithing, with a loving mother who taught him about herbs and potions, flowers and stitching, despite it being considered a woman's job. Even with such blessings, the feeling of hiding his true nature weighed on Henry's soul. His sleep started becoming less and less comfortable, Never getting a full night's rest. A few months after becoming nineteen, a random mercenary who went by Vanyek came by Skalitz, offering to teach Henry the way of the sword.
Henry's heart raced-maybe this way his dream wouldn't be so absurd, maybe one day...

 

After a few days of training, he felt like he was beginning to understand it, and he felt truly happy while swinging a sword,-an emotion he had rarely experienced.

...

It was a slow day like any other, Henry had overslept and got woken up by his ma. She noticed a scratch on Henry's hand, lecturing him about staying away from that suspicious sword master. Henry brushed her off, she wouldn’t understand why he was so insistent on learning the sword. Martin seemed a little angry about him getting up late, but he didn’t show it much. After a bit of lecturing, he tasked Henry with a couple of errands so they could finish making Sir Radzig’s sword. It should’ve been simple, but Kunesh refused to pay and Henry got angry, feeling cocky from his training, he threw the first punch, barely winning the fight, having the bruises to tell the tale of his stupidity. After Kunesh finally handed him the money, he went on with his errands.
…
Henry felt bad for refusing his friends’ offer to throw dung at the house of an outsider that supported Sigismund, but he didn’t want to upset his father that day. Before purchasing the charcoal, he went by the tavern to check in on his friend and get some schnapp’s for Martin. Bianca greeted him with a smile while serving a customer, quickly leaving their side and running up to Henry, her face instantly scrunching up from annoyance when she saw Henry’s bruises.
“Jesus, Hal, what did you get yourself into this time”
“I might have overestimated myself after the training, but you should see the other guy”
“I’d rather not.” - she smacked the back Henry’s head gently, as if to bring him to his senses -”you and your “training”, don’t let it go to your head Hal”
“Well, what else can I do, my father won’t even hear me out about leaving this village on my own”
“You know I get it, I do… Just be careful with that mercenary, he could be dangerous”
Henry followed her into the storage room of the tavern, away from prying eyes.
“I know, I know. How did you do with Theresa? Did you ask her?”
“I… I couldn’t… you know how it is”
Henry couldn’t bring himself to say anything. Of course, he knew, the only one who knew her, and she was the only one who knew him. He silently hugged her, offering comfort in their lonesome despair.
“I’m gonna need some Schnapps”
“Of course you will”

...

 

After quite a lot of work, the sword was finally done and it was beautiful. Henry felt quite proud of the work he had done with his father. He may have had difficulty connecting with him at times, but the quiet and long work at the forge always felt comforting for Henry, even though he embarrassed himself just a moment later in front of sir Radzig and his guest.

 

...

 

The raid on Skalitz was fast, merciless, a blur in Henry's mind, as he tried to catch his breath while Divish and his men surrounded him in the courtyard. He ran. Like a coward. He watched his father fight off multiple men, watched his mother be mercilessly cut down by those monsters.
He ran. Past the bodies, past the flames, past his home falling apart all around him
He saw Theresa being surrounded by the Cumans as he ran towards the horses. Without thinking, he threw a rock at one of them and sprinted to the horses, noticing that Theresa had run to safety, for now.
He ran. He should've helped her more.
Chased by the Cumans, barely dodging their arrows as his mind slowly started processing what was happening. The venom in his heart that he wasn't aware of was already piling up.

...

 

He was injured, but restless. He was given a small room to stay in for the moment by Lord Divish. Lady Stephanie honored Henry by coming to his room and giving him a chance to talk about what he just went through. But like always, he buried it, avoiding her gaze like it was the sun itself. After she left, he still couldn't sleep. He felt sad, angry, guilty, empty. So empty.
"I have to bury them." -He thought to himself, desperate to cling to a purpose after everything that’s happened.
He didn't ask for permission. He knew they wouldn't understand. They never did. He got up, his mind still reeling as his body walked on its own. He snuck into the yard, onto the drawbridge, taking a stupid risk by jumping off. It hurt like hell, but he didn't even acknowledge it. He walked towards Skalitz with nothing on him but his father’s sword.
….

He didn’t know how long he had walked, or where he even was. The world around him was nothing but charred remains—buildings blackened to the bone, corpses strewn like discarded thoughts. He would throw up if he had anything left in him. Walking through the hills of corpses, he heard something, movement, too loud for an animal. He silently walked towards the sound and saw a man he had never seen before, going through the pockets of a dead woman. Henry couldn't even feel his body as he silently moved towards him. The vision of his parents' last moments flashed before his eyes as he swung. He actually swung at a human.
“What... am I doing?”
His voice cracked, barely more than a whisper.
Before he could think properly the man shouted, snapping him out of the chaos inside his head. Henry looked down at him, the rage guiding his arms as he sliced the man's throat before he could even say a word. The blood rushed from his throat and mouth, painting the bandit’s ragged clothes. Henry watched as the life in his eyes drained, gone in just a moment. Dropping his sword, he fell backwards. A million voices screaming in his head.
"WHAT AM I DOING!"
"HENRY! WHAT HAVE YOU DONE!"
"IS THIS HOW I RAISED YOU, KILLING LIKE IT'S BREATHING!"
"Oh my poor, sweet boy."
He laid down for a moment, suffering in silence, like he had always done. Catching his breath in only a moment and rising to his feet.
"I have to bury them"
"After that, i..."
He didn't know. What did the world have to offer him. What did he have to offer to the world. Walking into Skalitz was a nightmare come to life. Bodies in every direction, buildings burnt to ashes and the smell overwhelming every cell in his body. Eyes wide, he walked past the burnt pile of wood he had once called home. The bodies of his entire world discarded like scraps. Bianca, outside of the tavern. Henry froze at the sight of her, falling to his knees, yet he couldn’t shed a tear for her anymore, which made him feel all the more horrible. He saw it, a ring in her palm, a ring she wanted to give to someone the day before, but that fear of being exposed held her back, like it always had, like it always would. She laid there, a story of a sinner, never to be told. Henry slowly picked up the ring, trying to scramble something, anything to remember her by.
Before he could keep moving, he heard a dog's bark, instantly recognizing it as Mutt, the butcher's dog. He ran towards the sound and saw Zbyshek, trying to get around the dog and loot the butcher's body. Henry felt the anger inside him rise again as he slowly stepped towards the boy, his sword ready. Zbyshek looked at him once and ran, perhaps because he saw the weapon. Henry didn't dwell on it, just grabbed the shovel leaning against the wall. Finally, he went up to his parent's. He fell to his knees, all the emotions he'd repressed coming out of him like a waterfall. He leaned over their lifeless bodies, giving them the closest thing to a hug that he could manage.
"Forgive me, for everything"
"Next time, I won't run."
"I'll never run away again"
“I'll find the one who did this to you... I remember his face... I’ll find him!"
This time, it wasn’t a wish. It was a promise.
His spirit was breaking and mending at once, his vision going hazy. He felt it, multiple men approaching him, he stood up, sword ready, not sure what he was defending, but he couldn't run from things anymore. The conversation was a hazy mess in Henry's mind. He was swiftly overwhelmed by the giant they called Runt, all his training proving fruitless, falling head first onto the ground, yet Henry felt satisfied, he hadn’t run this time, even if he would join his parents sooner than God intended
“HEY GOATFUCKERS!”
Henry heard Theresa’s voice. He looked over to see her standing confidently in the rain. The men laughed at first — but Henry felt the ground trembling beneath him. Help was coming. And then, at last, his consciousness slipped away.

 

…

 

Henry’s vision was darkened with bloody red. The world was on fire. He could barely see anything as he was running. Cumans ran past him, Henry’s gaze following them to see his Pa fighting them off while protecting Ma, but life wasn’t as fair as to let the protector of his loved ones have an honorable duel.
“I HAVE TO HELP THEM”-henry’s mind was roaring, but his legs were frozen, the hand holding his father’s sword was shaking with fear and rage.
He managed to finally step forward, blindly slashing at one of the Cuman’s, but what met his blade wasn’t a demon from Hell like he’d envisioned them, but a fragile body that was so easily robbed of life. As he drained of blood, more cumans rushed at Henry, and his body moved on its own, brutally chopping them piece by piece. But no matter how much his mind wanted him to, no matter how strong he felt in that moment, he still couldn’t save his parents. He watched it happen-his father falling, his mother getting slashed by multiple men, over and over and over again. Every time it felt like this nightmare would end, it would go back to that moment, and every time, Henry was powerless to do anything.

“Wake up, Henry! It’s past sunrise.”

 

“Henry, can you hear me?”

He slowly opened his eyes and immediately felt it all, the agonizing pain, the crushing weight of all that’s happened in the last 2 days, the torture from his nightmare clear as day in his eyes. He would scream if he wasn’t extremely thirsty. He looked upwards, barely making out Theresa in his blurred vision.

“Hallelujah! I thought you’d never wake. Were you having a nightmare?”
“Aye, I'm sorry for making you worry Tess, where am I, in skalitz?”
“We’re at my uncle’s mill in Rattay, I didn’t know where else to go”-she spoke calmly, kindly, but Henry could feel the weight and sadness in her voice. She had gone through a lot as well, But as much as Henry wanted to, he couldn’t bring himself to ask, not yet.
“I barely remember anything except for that bandit’s leader knocking me down.”-He tried to sit upright, to properly look Theresa in the eyes, but the immense pain in his back prevented him from doing anything. He felt so worthless and ashamed at his state, Tess had saved him, and he couldn’t even thank or repay her properly.
“It’s not surprising you don’t remember. I found you in Skalitz after those bandits attacked you. I thought they’d done you in, but thankfully you were still breathing”- She paused for a second, turning her head in silence before continuing - “Why, in Heaven’s name did you go back there? It was madness, They slaughtered everyone who didn’t run.”
Henry couldn’t look her in the eyes, the guilt of his selfishness finally hitting him, with shaky voice, he tried to explain, hoping at least she would understand
“My parents... I wanted to bury them. I had to. I didn’t know how else to live with myself after all that’s happened”
Theresa sat down on the edge of his bed, gently holding his hand, slightly squeezing it, not out of anger, but out of understanding. - “Don’t worry, I took care of them”
“Thank you, Tess”
“Sleep Hal, you need your strength back”
Henry closed his eyes, despite everything, that nickname still brought him unexplained joy, finally calming the storm inside his mind enough to go back to rest.
....
The next 2 weeks went by in a blur, the pain and grief were constant but slowly became more manageable. In his rare moments of consciousness, Henry was thinking, or at least trying to, what was he going to do after this. He knew he wanted to get his father’s sword back, but had no clue on where to even start. Finally, after he could start walking and moving properly, he decided to ask Sir Radzig for advice, help, anything.

“Never knew what I wanted to do, did I? Maybe I can change that from now on”-He tried to keep a positive outlook, for his sake, or else he would crumble to a million pieces.

Leaving the mill, He wanted to have a brief chat with Theresa and her Uncle, who was demanding to be paid back for taking care of him for a fortnight. Henry awkwardly promised he’d be given a day to find a job to scramble the payment, it took a bit of convincing but He finally agreed. Finally, he turned to Theresa.

“Can we have a talk outside, Tess?”
“Sure, I’ll bring something for you to eat as well.”
They sat down under a tree, enjoying the comfortable silence and bread with a slice of cheese.
“I wanted to thank you again, Theresa, you really saved my arse back there. What were you even doing in Skalitz?”
Theresa looked down, the silent grief in her eyes becoming clear as day to Henry.
‘I was... Waiting to die.”
“What?”
“They killed my brothers, my family, my friends, everyone I ever loved... I couldn’t even save one of my injured brothers in the mines. After that, what did I have to live for?”
“Don’t... Don’t say that, there is always hope, there has to be”
“No there isn’t, not always. But it doesn’t matter Hal, both you and me, we are different people now and we can never go back to how we were, but I promise to keep moving forward, to keep holding my family in my heart, and I hope you do the same”
“I... I promise.” - he muttered, quietly. Henry knew she was right, things would never go back to how they were, but maybe that wasn’t so bad, maybe now he could try to live more like himself than he ever could before. Maybe he deserved to try and find happiness, whatever form it took for a sinner like him.
“Do you know where Radzig is?”
“He’s staying in the lower castle of Pirkstein, as an esteemed guest of Sir Hanush of Leipa, but you can’t just walk in you know”
“I know, but I need to talk to him... Keep moving forward, right? It’s a promise!”
He slowly went out into the dirty road, stretching his arms and legs. He started running to the castle, feeling the fresh air fill his lungs, his blood start flowing inside his body, he felt alive for the first time in 2 weeks, like life had found a bit of its color again. Suddenly he noticed a dog catching up to him and when it got close, Henry recognized it and yelled out its name.
“MUTT!”
The dog swiftly approached him, whining and wagging its tail. Henry remembered the dog protecting Kunesh’s body while Zbyshek was trying to rob him; the dog had disappeared along with the bandit. Henry gave him a pat on the head, rub on the belly, overjoyed that Mutt was one of the few things that stuck around from Skalitz and he seemed to have chosen Henry and Theresa. Slowly, they made their way up to Pirkstein, unsure of what the future held for Henry.

Chapter 2: golden boy full of mystery

Summary:

Henry seeks out Radzig for advice and help, only to be met with an unexpected rivalry with a noble boy that hides something inside himself while pissing Henry off at their every meeting.

Henry ran up the stairs of lower Pirkstein, hurrying to the room where he heard Radzig’s voice coming from, he quickly opened the door and started walking inside before being grabbed on the shoulder by a guard.
“What are you doing?! You have no business here, CLEAR OFF!”
Henry tried to speak but he got interrupted by Radzig. - “Wait, it’s Henry...” - Henry would have felt glad by Radzig’s recognition if it wasn’t immediately followed up with a stricter tone- “Henry Who disappeared after i clearly ordered him to stay at Talmberg.
“I... I’m sorry, sir, but... I had to bury my parents...”
Before he could finish talking, he was immediately interrupted with more angry remarks by Radzig and the captain, but he got distracted by a silent boy sitting at the edge of the table.
Hair golden like the sunlight. Well defined and taken care of face, piercing blue eyes, hair brushed back with a stray lock falling on his face. Henry was unable to tell if that was on purpose or by accident, but it added a weird charm to his otherwise perfect noble composure. Henry met his gaze, shooting daggers into each other, they were measuring, judging, admiring?!... At least Henry was. Despite the boy’s relaxed expression, it was hard to tell what he was thinking. A couple of seconds later he rolled his eyes and smiled, breaking Henry out of his trance as Radzig asked him - “did you at least give them a decent burial?”
”I was unable to, Sir. I got ambushed by the bandit’s that also stole your sword, which is why I came here”
“My sword? My sword hangs right here at my side.”
“I meant the sword my father had made for you... Sir. I still had it on me when I went to Skalitz, but one of those bandits stole it from me. They would’ve killed me before Robard got there if the Miller’s daughter hadn’t saved me. She also gave my parents a burial before bringing me here...”
Out of nowhere the priest sitting on the left side of the table interrupted him again - “It’s a shame they were buried in unconsecrated ground, that means purgatory for them”
Henry’s blood rushed to his head. What does he know, what does he care. His dislike for priests had started from an early age, after all they promised him nothing but hell and eternal fire. He instinctively rolled his eyes, hoping no one would have seen it and taken offense. Radzig and Hanush immediately bit back at the priest for his hypocrisy, but Henry’s gaze met the young lord’s again and realized. “Shit, he saw it” He nervously swallowed and tried to catch his breath and calm down, but the boy was still shooting daggers into his soul, as if trying to dissect him and see what ugliness lay inside. It made Henry uncomfortable, being perceived like that. While lost in his thoughts and the Noble’s gaze, Radzig turned back to him.
“Henry, I've lost a lot in the last 2 weeks, why would I miss a sword?”
“I... Because it’s the last thing my father had made... For you”
Radzig looked into his eyes, trying to read him maybe, or get Henry’s full attention
“I understand, I'd feel the same way, but prudence is the better part of valour and a dead man keeps no promises”
Before Henry could fully comprehend those words, Hanush spoke out loud in a demeaning tone
“AYE! A woman had to save his fat from the fire and now he wants revenge. What kind of a fool are you, boy?”
“He’s no fool, but Henry you need training, arms, a horse... or do you mean to beat this thief at dice?”
“No sir, please, take me into your service and give me the chance to learn these things”
It slipped before he could think, a selfish request that he didn’t fully think through. Surely by now Radzig would have had enough of him, but the young noble beat him to talking first, he rose to his feet to make his points clearer, raising his voice.
“The gall of him! Fled from the enemy, disobeyed your orders, duped Sir Divish, lost your sword, put sir Robard in danger with his actions and now he wants a promotion?!”
Henry opened his mouth, to argue back, to prove him wrong, but deep down he knew the noble was correct, a tear welled in his eye, but he refused to let it fall, to show his weakness to everyone in that room. Whatever charm the young man had on him had snapped, replaced by misplaced anger towards him.
Radzig looked at henry, then back at the noble, his voice dropping to a serious tone
“What you say may be true, Sir Hans, except for fleeing the enemy, you would have run as well, believe me. Henry’s earned some punishment, but how do you punish someone who’s already lost everything, hm? Besides, that was a damned good sword his father made. If he thinks he can get it back, I won't stop him.”
“But my lord, he’s a peasant, you can’t make a squire of a peasant!”
Henry rolled his eyes again while everyone was looking at the priest, then he looked back at the young noble, “Sir Hans huh, handsome bastard”. He may have earned some anger from Henry, but when he quietly laughed at Hanush’s response to the priest’s stupidity yet again, he was beautiful, shining like a beam of light, charming Henry like no one had ever before. He turned his gaze back to Radzig before he got caught staring at his lordship.
“So, you’d like to enter my service?”
“Sir... i... yes, i would! you won’t regret it.”
“Oh ho, I'm sure i will, but i’m doing this for your father, so don’t disappoint me lad”
....
Henry’s training with captain Bernard was quite effective, in just a couple of days he had gained a lot of experience with the sword. The basics, combos, parries, masterstroke. He may have been a beginner, but he was picking up the techniques in a flash, using them in actual combat, however, was still quite difficult. Henry wasn’t used to the heat of battle, that split second which can decide your fate. He knew it would take a long time to become an expert, to be a commendable swordsman that Radzig would be proud of, but he was still getting frustrated at his inexperience.
After more than an hour of dueling Bernard with a practice sword, he spotted from the corner of his visor, a brightly dressed gentleman with a contrasting red scarf, walking up to the arena, full of confidence, already eyeing him up from afar. Bernard noticed Henry get distracted, knocked the sword out of his hands and dropped him to the ground in a smooth combo, making Henry gasp for air. Hans finally came up next to the fence, chuckling at the embarrassing display of (or lack thereof) skill,
“Greetings, Sir Hans. What brings you here?”
“I was on my way when i noticed that you’re entertaining Sir Radzig’s “esteemed” guest”
He turned his mocking gaze down at Henry, who was still laying on the floor
“Not the same as holding a hammer, is it, Blacksmith?”
Henry slowly got up, avoiding Hans’s gaze, out of shame? Or was it something else, he couldn’t quite tell, it felt like he lost his composure every time it was about this cocky handsome noble, and he didn’t like that feeling. Over the last few days in the city, he would overhear someone talking about the young noble and couldn’t help himself but listen in. Before, he could avert his gaze from someone he fancied, dispel the clouds they formed in his brain at a command, but Hans just disabled that function in Henry without even realising.
After a moment of silence, Hans chuckled at Henry’s awkwardness and slightly tilted his head, making it feel like he was staring into Henry’s soul again.
“I’m actually here to train at the archery range, my hand’s grown heavy lately. Hope you won’t mind, Sir Bernard?”
“Not at all, my lord”
Hans looked over at Henry again, who was clearly lost in his own thoughts.
“Good day to you, Blacksmith’s boy, try not to hurt yourself”
Henry finally snapped out of it, staring back at him before silently nodding. “Fuck, what am i doing, i need to get it together”.
...
Another hour of sword practice went by. Bernard finally called for a break. Henry fell onto his back again, this time of his own volition. The gentle evening breeze was soozing on his sweaty face. Maybe it wasn’t so bad, learning to fight like this. His mind started growing chaotic again, as it did every time he stopped to rest recently. When he allowed himself to think, to remember, it would swiftly overwhelm him, but when he was practicing his swordsmanship, he felt at peace. Bernard was already looking tired, but Henry didn’t want to stop and surrender to the chaos quite yet.
“Sir, if I may ask, would it be alright to start practicing archery today?” he blurted out the request before thinking it through. “Fuck, that guy’s probably still there” he thought to himself, but it was too late to take it back.
“aren’t you enthusiastic, very well, we have to get to it sooner or later right”
Henry couldn’t protest it anymore, just sheepishly following Bernard with his head down. Crossing the footbridge he looked down into the range, hoping to see it empty, but he wasn’t so lucky that day. That confident posture, the bright yellow pourpoint with the flashy red scarf immediately caught Henry’s eye and gave him no choice but to sigh in acceptance.
Han’s didn’t acknowledge them, keeping his eyes focused and his aim straight, drawing the arrow and letting it loose within the same second, watching it miss the bullseye by 2 lines, he cussed quietly. He may have missed, but Henry was still at awe, his form was fascinating, full of confidence in his ability and easy-going charm, but beneath all that was skill, honed over many years of constant practice and dedication. Henry observed his technique, while Bernard was grabbing the arrows, maybe a little too much. Hans looked over at him, first with an annoyed frown that swiftly went up into a controlled and charming smile.
“Are you planning on staring all day, blacksmith’s boy? Do you wish to recount every detail of my missed shots to the town gossipers!?”-he exaggerated his voice, enjoying watching Henry get flustered at his annoyed tone.
“No, I... uh, sorry” - Henry blurted out before he remembered - “Sir.”
Hans slightly tilted his head, staring at Henry with an unreadable gaze before wordlessly turning back to his target, drawing his bow and setting it loose. Bullseye. He didn’t show it, but he was extremely overjoyed that the peasant witnessed it.
“Let’s get started Henry”- Bernard's voice was sudden and loud, snapping Henry out of his trance.

...
Henry tried his best to listen to Bernard’s instructions, but he kept looking over to Hans from the corner of his eyes. Still, he took to archery quite well, managing a bullseye only on his 5th shot.
“That’s it then, I don’t like to say it often, but not bad Henry!”
Hans looked over at them, his frustration still rising, but then he saw something amusing: Henry’s pointy ear twitching when he received the compliment and him slightly rising on his toes as he thanked Bernard. His mouth turned sour when he realized that this peasant was grabbing too much of his attention and he spoke out loud before thinking.
“I don’t know why you’re wasting your time, Sir Bernard. Nothing will come of him anyway and at the first sign of trouble he’ll run away like any other cowardly peasant. After all, he’s done it before”
“WHAT DID YOU SAY?!”-Henry instantly lost control at the provocation before fully understanding it
“calm down boy, don’t forget who you’re speaking to”
“A braggart who was born with a silver spoon in his mouth.” - He muttered under his breath
“Now you’ve done it, you’ll go to the stocks for that”
Hans seemed amused by Henry’s heat- “Calm yourself, Sir Bernard, if the blacksmith’s boy feels he can prove himself then let him try. Do you think you can beat me? Well?”
“ANY TIME”-Henry barely held his tongue from saying any more.
“Very well, if you defeat me in archery, you can have my bow, if you lose then you pay, do you even have the coin, peasant?”
“I have enough”
“Good, then let’s get to it.”
They both stood in their positions, drawing their bows. Henry’s mind was racing a million miles an hour. Why did he get so easily stirred up by Hans, what was that arsehole’s problem, did he get a kick out of getting him pissed, it felt like Hans was maneuvering around the defenses he had put up around him his whole life. Henry was never one to get so easily angered.
They both shot the first arrows, Henry’s hit the outer circle-1 point, while Hans’s landed just outside of the bullseye,-3 points.
“Kurva”
Something felt off since he got back on his legs at the mill, his mind, his mood, his inspiration, his motivations, they all changed faster than lightning at random moments, and he no longer felt in control of himself.
He shot the second arrow, landing on a 3-score circle, while Hans missed the target completely.
He smirked, looking sideways without turning his head, enjoying the noble getting more and more flushed with every miss. But there was something beneath that anger, that annoyance that he took out on Henry just a moment before. Sadness, melancholy, not unrelated to Henry, but not exactly about him as well.
They shot the third arrow, bullseye from both. A smile ran over his lips, not one of competition, but of happiness. Maybe there was more to this seemingly shallow noble than what could be seen on the surface, but Henry was too angry at him right now to care.
Fourth arrow almost hit the bullseye, missing just by a centimeter, while Hans hit another perfect shot, sinking the arrow next to his previous one. No, Henry was fooling himself, he cared, even though he didn’t know why. He knew that pain, the pain of hiding parts of yourself from others, the constant sadness that settles inside you with the secrets.
“Kurva” - He mumbled as he let the last arrow loose. Bullseye. Looking at Capon's side, the arrow had landed just outside the middle.
Bernard spoke up - “17-16 in Henry’s favor, the competition’s over. I guess it wasn’t your day, sir Hans”
Capon swore under his breath, looking at Henry with an annoyed look, expecting him to gloat, rub the victory in, shame him for losing to a complete beginner. Instead, he found something in the blacksmith’s look that pissed him off even more. Compassion. Silent understanding. Like he was seeing more and more through his facade the longer he got stared at. All of it angered him even more, but he breathed in slowly.
“Well done, blacksmith’s boy, here is your reward” - he handed Henry his prized hunting bow, no matter how shitty his mood got, Hans was a man of honor. Henry silently took it, trying to think of what to say.
“Sir, I apol...” - he got cut off before he could finish his sentence
“Don’t, just don’t” - Hans slowly breathed out - “How about another challenge, no wager this time. Just for fun.” - He turned to Bernard -” you may leave for today, Sir Bernard, we’ll just have a friendly spar and be on our way as well”
“But sire, you know how Hanush gets when he hears about you fighting your subjects”
“It’s sparring, not fighting, I’ll explain myself sufficiently if I need to, now leave us!”
Bernard took a careful look at Hans, who was seemingly composed from the outside but there was still an unexplained storm raging inside him. He exhaled, reminiscing about his youthful days and left them.
Henry silently followed Hans up to the arena, head down like a kicked puppy. He was confused, what did his Lordship want from him now. Stepping inside the arena, he went to put his helmet on, but Hans commanded him not to.
“We’ll simply avoid each other’s heads this time, i want to have a talk while we duel”
“But sir, the safety of your.... Noble face is of utmost importance, no?”
“Is that sarcasm I detect in your tone, Blacksmith?”
“No, not quite”-Henry blurted out - “WHAT THE FUCK AM I SAYING” -he spoke so leisurely to his lord, and it even came out a bit flirtatious, surely, he wouldn’t take it like that right, oh god he was going to be hanged. - “I need to get myself under control.”
Hans’s eyebrows raised slightly before chuckling, his head tilting slightly to the right while readying his sword
“So casual with your lordship, did Sir Radzig not teach you how to behave towards nobles?”
Henry prepared his sword as well
“Well... Sir. He rarely seemed to mind a more casual approach with his subjects, but he also kept his distance, I suppose I’m not used to royalty such as yourse...”
Hans swiftly stepped forward into Henry’s space while he was still talking, blocking the surprised swing with ease, turning it around and hitting Henry's chestplate with as much force as a wooden sword allowed.
“Don’t get distracted now, keep talking!” - He parried Henry’s swing from below, guiding it to the far right, making Henry lose his balance. - “you say you don’t have much experience interacting with Radzig, you speak like an unraised brat to nobility, yet you’ve gotten such a big favor from him, he even placed his hopes in you.”
Henry dodged the last part of Hans’s knee strike combo, which he recognized from his earlier training with Bernard, then he stepped backwards, regaining some distance between them.
“I... I’m not quite sure why he stood up for me either sir, my father often worked for him, but he hasn’t given me a reason either. I suppose he felt sorry for me.”
Hans’s eyebrow twitched. Annoyance.
“That’s not what I'm looking for, Sakra” - He swiftly stepped forward, closing the distance with Henry in less than a second, and before he could react, Hans had already tripped him up and had him on the ground, wooden sword bared against his throat, emphasizing the difference between their skill.
“Here I am, with a glorified guardian that’s never satisfied, and you strut in like you own the place and get a promotion out of pity. I should’ve known better than to consult a peasant about this” - He threw away the sword, looking upwards.
Henry was looking up at him, with an unreadable expression that kept pouring oil on Hans’s temper. Hans knew he went too far out of frustration, but he didn’t wish to deal with it any longer.
‘You’re improving well, Blacksmith’s boy. Keep at it and you might even satisfy the bailiff” - His compliment was dry, lacking actual positivity, but Henry didn't question it. Hans was right, he hadn’t earned this promotion, this chance. He deserved to remain in mediocrity, leaving a part of himself locked up and die a justiceless death, befitting a sinner.
Hans walked off and Henry watched, emptiest he’d felt in weeks.
...

Henry’s vision was darkened with bloody red.
The same nightmare, unrelenting, refusing to let him forget, to let him forgive, to let him live. No matter how many Cumans Henry slaughtered, he would never be able to save his parents, Bianca, his home.

 

...
Sun had yet to smile at the world when Henry went out into the Mill’s front yard, shaky breath as he sat down on the wooden bench. Mutt walked to him, tail wagging, resting Its head on Henry’s lap. Henry barely saw it through his tear-stained vision, wiping them away with his hand and petting the dog, slowly, gently, afraid to hurt one of the last things that felt like a true friend. Tess was kind to him, but she had enough on her plate, trying her best to help out her uncle at the mill and looking for their friends from Skalitz, discarded all over the region. Henry felt guilty for not aiding her in that search, but he couldn’t bring himself to care as much for the people he never managed to get truly close to, despite growing up together. He scratched under Mutt’s ear, watching his tongue loll out happily. It was the only thing that managed to calm Henry’s mind. Finally, he was starting work with the bailiff today, the tiredness weighing on his shoulder the more time passed, but he was unable to shake it with his restless sleep.

...

The work with the bailiff went by surprisingly peacefully, only trouble during the day being a Skalitz refugee, but Henry managed to resolve it peacefully. He had become surprisingly good at talking his way out of trouble.

…

 

At the end of the day, there was one last task left for Henry: to close all the shops and reinforce the curfew. It was going smoothly until he heard, from a distance, the unmistakable laugh of a young noble who didn’t care about the rules. Henry slowly approached, dragging his feet, already rolling his eyes at the work cut out for him.

Standing next to the door to the tavern, it already smelled of booze. Henry could hear Hans telling a stupid joke and at least let him finish before going up to him.
“Forgive my intrusion, Sir Hans, but I need to...”
Hans looked over at him with a squinted face, his lips curling into a mocking smile and tilted his head slightly to the left.
“But what? You want to join us? Want to buy us a round? I'm afraid we don’t drink with peasants. You're not in your village anymore, Blacksmith’s boy! Remember that.”
“No, Sir! The curfew has been rung, the alehouse is closing!”
Capon’s two attendees started laughing at him, making Henry’s blood run cold. It was like being a kid again, being laughed at for picking flowers.
“Nothing closes while I sit here, understood? You're dismissed”
The tavern owner tried to interrupt Henry, but he raised his tone higher, firmer, steeling himself.
“The Bailiff instructed me to close the alehouse at the proper hour. He doesn’t want anyone to disturb...”
“THE BAILIFF?! That bailiff can kiss my arse! I trust you haven’t forgotten who’s the rightful lord of Rattay!”
“No... it’s Sir Hanush”
Henry bit the inside of his cheek when saw Capon’s face instantly shrivel up in anger
“Oh really, and is he here, hiding under this very table? I don’t see him so no one gives a rat’s ass what he thinks! Besides, he’s only in charge until i grow up... “
“Which clearly won’t happen anytime soon...”
“ENOUGH!” - Hans slammed his palm against the creaking table, spilling a bit of ale over it. - “I am a noble” -” He walked towards Henry, clenching his fists - “AND I WON’T HAVE YOU TALK TO ME THAT WAY”
Hans threw the first punch aimed right at Henry’s jaw, which he barely dodged. One of the grunts pushed Henry back towards Hans and he barely kept his footing.
“Fuck, fuck, fuck. Radzig’s going to be pissed” - was his only thought as he threw a punch himself, aimed at Hans’s pretty perfect face. They tussled for a bit, a kick to the knee, a punch at the ribs, their yellow, red and green clothes tangling with each other’s. Fuck, Henry felt so alive in that moment, all his fatigue gone in an instant.
…
“KRUCIFIX! What in the name of Christ is happening here?!”-Hanush’s voice roared through their heads like thunder, instantly making them untangle and face him, huffing and panting, both quite bruised and flushed.
“Well?! Answer me damn you!”
“This PEASANT insulted me! I had to teach him a lesson!”
Hans stood in front of Henry, puffing out his chest like he was trying to seem bigger than he was. Henry shily stood behind him with his head down, as if trying to blink out of existence.
“By rolling around in the mud like a hog?! That’s a fine example of Noble conduct!
“Sir Hanush, The bailiff ordered me to close the tavern and...” - Once again, Henry was interrupted before he could finish.
“SILENCE! YOU shut your mouth and count your lucky stars that you are Radzig’s ward! Have you lost your mind?! Raising your hand to a nobleman!” - Hanush turned his head towards the other scolded child, pouting like a miserable hamster - “AND you Hans, how many times have I told you that drinking with your subjects might be good for their morale, but It’s bad for your honor?!”
Hans tried to interject, but his voice couldn’t leave him, he knew he was in the wrong as well, even if he was too proud to admit it. Hanush didn’t let up.
“You spend all your days drinking and chasing wenches, which wouldn’t matter, if you paid any attention at all to your duties! And now we see what that leads to.”
Henry still had his head down, but he could see from the corner of his eyes, Hans’s frustration visible in his body language, lowering his head, breathing hard, clenching his fists. He thought he would be amused by Hans’s suffering, but he just felt... pity? That didn’t sound right.
“Tomorrow you will go with me to a hearing. Some landowners have asked me to settle a dispute, it will be an excellent lesson for you!”
“I had planned to go hunting, but if you think listening to the pointless gripes of a bunch of old fools will benefit me, so be it.”
“Oh hunting? Well then, your grace, I'll tell you what. You can go hunting.”
“Really?”- Hans lit up nearly as brightly as his pourpoint.
“Oh, naturally who am I to deprive the young Lord Capon of his sport? And... you can take Henry here as your page!”
Henry lifted his head in confusion as Hans snapped his head towards him.
“Him!? Absolutely not!”
“You'll do as I commanded. It's time you learned to lead people, and not just in drinking and brawling. Now get out of my sight!”
Hans quietly sighed, too drunk and tired to fight back against Hanush, overall, this outcome wasn’t the worst. He and his lackeys wordlessly walked out of the tavern’s yard
Henry turned to Hanush, confused and trying to make sense of things.
“Sir, I have responsibilities to the bailiff.”
“Not anymore! Your responsibilities now are to Lord Capon. It's time you learned how to behave in the presence of nobility”
Henry silently bowed, unable to come up with an argument and not wanting to provoke Hanush anymore.
Hanush turned to his servant “Let's go, tell the kitchen I'm hungry – it's been a long journey”
...
Henry walked back to the Rattay mill, it was already past midnight, but Theresa was still sitting at the bench outside, looking tired and zoned out, looking up at the night sky. Mutt lay at her feet, wagging his tail when he saw Henry, but not leaving her side still. Henry approached her with silence, taking the spot next to her on the bench.
“Are you alright, Theresa?”
“Aye, I just couldn’t sleep.”
“I understand” - Henry said quietly, looking up at the night sky - “The stars are beautiful tonight.”
“Do you think they’re up there, Watching over us? Guarding us, judging us, condemning us... for surviving”
“I think so... no, I want to believe so... Because it’s more convenient to think that death doesn’t mean an eternal farewell, right?”

 

“It’s eating me alive, Hal. The guilt, the pain, I'm trying so hard to move on, but every night that day haunts me. Despite doing everything i could, i couldn’t save anyone”
“I... I understand Tess, probably better than anyone could. I don’t know either, how to live with this guilt. I... I just ran, like a coward, to save my skin”
“You saved me Hal, and I saved you. Maybe we should give ourselves a break”
Henry chuckled “Maybe... if only it was that easy right.”
“If only”
They looked up at the clear night sky, captivated by its beauty.
“I've found out about some of the others. Fritz and Matthew are in Sasau, doing odd jobs to survive. Pickman and Johanka are in the monastery near them, tending to the injured from Skalitz.”
“How did you find them?”
“A miller has their connections, I've been studying some of my Uncle’s special trades.” - She winked at Henry, making him chuckle.
“I’ll do my best to check up on them and help them out when i can, we can’t take care of the dead anymore, but the survivors are a different question”
“Just don’t take it all on yourself, Hal, there are people who care about you, maybe more than you realize”
“Thank you, Tess…”
They enjoyed their comfortable silence for a moment before Henry remembered
“you know, i punched the lord of Pirkstein today” - he flashed a sheepish grin at her - “and all i got as punishment is accompanying him for his hunting trip”
Theresa couldn’t hold back a heartfelt laughter. - “Oh Henry, our parents would turn in their graves if they knew how naughty we’ve become.” - She placed a hand on his shoulder, calm, caring. - “Thank you, Hal, I'll sleep in a good mood tonight. Tell me the details another time alright?”
“I promise. Have a good night, Theresa.”
…
Henry stared at the ceiling above his bed, his mind a little quieter after his talk with Theresa. So much training, so much trouble, so much Hans. From the first moment Henry saw him, something about him completely took over his mind. His perfect face, his mostly taken care of hair, except for that one stray lock that added to his charm, his ridiculous outfit that shone bright, making him stand out during any part of the day. His skill and melancholy that was hidden beneath the facade of a shallow noble. Henry could see through it, unsure of why, but he could. Did he like Hans? Maybe. Did Hans piss him off at all of their meetings so far? Absolutely. But something about observing him, competing with him or arguing with him gave Henry relief. Hans didn’t pity him like others did and that gave Henry back the fire, the joy of life that almost died out in Skalitz.
He would never tell Hans how he felt, because it would never be reciprocated, but maybe he could get to spend some more time with him, maybe he could be more than a page. Wishful thinking never hurt anyone… right?
For the first time in 3 weeks, Henry rested without nightmares.

Notes:

While Hans has hidden woes like Henry, he wears it more on his sleeve that anyone that cared would find, not that many did. I wanted to differentiate Henry's and Hans's struggles and insecurities, while (maybe :D) letting them bond over the similarities of their struggles. But oh well, they got close for sure, even if it was with their fists for now.
The hunting chapter, the rite of passage for many kcd1 fics is next <3

Chapter 3: the hunt is on

Summary:

Hans and his new page go hunting together, where they try to learn more about each other, but emotions are not that easy when the cumans hunt both Henry's past and Hans's present.

“Wake up Henry, It’s past Sunrise, you’ll be late for your grand hunt with your new lord”
Henry fluttered his eyes - “Wh… what? I overslept?” - It felt strange, he hadn’t had a good night’s sleep in weeks. - “Thanks for waking me up Tess, that prickly noble wouldn’t let me hear the end of it if I was late.” - He swiftly put on his clean brais, plain green tunic since no armor was needed for a hunt. He hung his old sword by his hip, picked up the hunting bow he had won just a few days ago and sprinted up the road to Rattay, Mutt following in his footsteps.
Henry was excited, somehow.
…

Han’s jaw was sore, his ribs aching with mute pain. Damn that peasant, giving him a proper kicking and then daring to be late to their hunt, yet somehow Hans is the spoiled brat.
Finally, the blacksmith graced his presence.
“Here i am”
“I’m overjoyed. Have you got a horse?”
“No sir, where would someone like me get a horse”
“Good point, well I guess you’ll be trotting behind me like a good dog you are”
“I… alright then, Sir.”
…

The hunting spot wasn’t very far, yet it felt like the walk there stretched for eternity. The silence was awkward between the Noble and his new page. Henry kept a couple steps back from Hans, mutt chasing right behind him.
“Look here, Blacksmith, about our business at the alehouse…”
“Yes?“Henry would blush from awkwardness if he wasn’t already red from all the walking.
“Hanush was right. I should’ve behaved differently. More… Well, gentlemanly. BUT, that doesn’t mean you were right, you can’t throw a lord out of the tavern in his own town! Understand?
“Yes, I was just…”
“WHAT? Speak up. Don’t worry, I won’t bite your head off.”
“It’s just that when you said those things in the arena, Sir, I was… a little upset.”
“Ah,I just like to tease greenhorns a little, and you vexed me too! You were insolent to Captain Bernard and they awarded you with service!” - he tried to laugh it off, but Henry could feel the bitterness in his voice -”Whenever I do anything reckless, even if it’s for my honour, Hanush is on my back about it and I get punished… Like now”
“I didn’t mean to threaten anyone…”
“Well it’s all water under the bridge. Let’s not spoil our hunt.”
The mood finally lightened, tension lessening between the two youngins, it was an unexpected comfort for Henry to follow Hans, finally having proper instructions on what needed doing.
…
“Is this your first time hunting, blacksmith?”
“This kind… yes, it never caught my interest before.”
“I’ve been hunting since i could walk, follow my orders and maybe you’ll learn something useful aand if you don’t cock it up entirely today, maybe i’ll take you again. It’s always helpful to have a minion at hand.”
A minion, that’s all Henry would be, all he could be, but it still left a sour taste in his mouth
“I’ll do the best I can… Sir”

 

…

They finally approached an old hunting camp in the woods, only a little more than a mile from Rattay, yet the air felt different, more relaxed, freeing. Henry didn’t even realise until he stood in that camp that it had been weeks since he last left Rattay, the big town felt new and suffocating compared to Skalitz.
“I can see why you would want to come out here, the wind is quite relaxing, Sir Hans.”
“I’m glad someone gets it. My last page did nothing but complain for 3 whole days about every little detail, as if he had been raised like a fragile worm under constant protection”
“Sounds like delightful company”
“Careful blacksmith, i might miss your sarcasm one of these times and send him to trail you next”
They settled Capon’s horse under one of the sheds and hung up their bags. Henry barely had anything in his but Hans’s was quite heavy. While Henry cleaned off the leaves from a makeshift log acting as a table, Hans stretched his body and started taking off his fancy pourpoint. Henry couldn’t help but sneak a glance when the wind blew and swept dust right into his eyes, earning a chuckle from hans.
“You can relax for today, Blacksmith. This whole outing’s more of an excuse to get away from Hanush for a bit”- Hans bit the inside of his lip, there was another reason he was delaying the hunt until tomorrow, but he couldn’t admit that - “Grab the wine and bacon from my satchel and sit down”
Henry quietly complied, setting down the wineskins and the food on the log, settling on the opposite side of Hans. Under the pourpoint he only had a thin white tunic on, with short sleeves that showed off his well practiced arms and chest. You could tell that he treated his body like a temple, constantly well groomed, kept clean and exercised.
Hans suddenly leaned forward while the page was failing to hide his gaze -“Tell me… Henry, what really happened in Skalitz?”
“The cumans attacked Skalitz… and anyone who couldn’t flee” - a simple answer, enough to satisfy and scare off most people from prying further, but Hans just rolled his eyes.
“That’s what they all say, I want details”
“Is it really necessary, Sir?”
“Arguing with the nobility again, you’re quite the rebel aren’t you, Blacksmith” - hans leaned backwards and fixed his posture, looking at Henry like he was trying to see into his heart, not for compassion, but for a need of something.
“I’m sorry… I, it’s not an easy topic to talk about”
“I see, I suppose I’ll have to get you a little drunk first”- Hans handed him the wineskin and Henry wordlessly took it, gulping it down without saying a toast or waiting for his lordship. Any form of relaxation he had built up was gone, already replaced by chaos at the mere mention of Skalitz. Maybe, it would be better to talk about it with someone who didn’t pity him, but still seemed to care.
“How about this, Blacksmith, I’m sure you’re curious to find out more about me. You’ve probably heard every kind of rumor floating around Rattay about me and i’d love to clear them up for you”
Henry looked at him with a flushed look, wine already reaching his face, causing him to redden like a tomato, matching his scarf.
“Alright then, but I don’t know what else new to tell you about Skalitz”
“Step by step, my dear page. Tell me, I heard Sigismund had about a hundred banners there, is it true”
“I didn’t have time to count them, they arrived out of thin air and overtook us in just a moment, but it was indeed a large army, too big for just a small village like Skalitz.”
He paused for a second, breathing in deep to steel his nerves. It wasn’t easy, but he managed to get through it, for now.
“I see, well it is your turn now, what do you wish to uncover about me”
“Why is Hanush the one looking after you? What happened to your parents?”
“First of all, Hanush isn’t “loOkInG aFteR mE” blacksmith’s boy, he’s overseeing my property until i’m a proper adult”
“and when will that happen?”
Hans raised his eyebrows in an exaggerated offense - “what does that mean”
“I didn’t mean it as an insult, I uhh… I meant when is it decided that you’re an adult? You look plenty grown to me.”
“Normally it would be the king, except he’s locked up, so it’s up to the council of nobles my father appointed before his passing, but they can't be bothered to traverse half the country for such a “menial” task”
“And Hanush, doesn’t seem like he has any plans of handing over your heritage yet, does he.”
“Nope, but that’s my problem, nothing for a peasant like you to worry your head about”- He exhaled in frustration, calming himself before asking his question “I heard about the cumans…”
Mention of a cuman immediately lit Henry’s mind aflame, once again causing his mood to instantly change, but he tried to get a hold of himself.
“I’m sorry, Sir hans but I changed my mind. I'd rather not talk about them…”
“I understand Blacksmith, but I heard that…”
“What, that they flew down on a dragon, that they’d all grown horns? They were ruthless murderers” - Henry looked down at his palms, remembering the nameless bandit he found on his way to Skalitz, his hands never felt truly clean since that day - “I’m sorry, ha… Sir Hans, but Skalitz isn’t a fairytale for me. I, I watched my parents get cut down and barely made it out alive, because I RAN, like a coward” - tears welled up in his eyes, but he struck his forehead with his open palm, regaining composure - “I’m sorry.”
“I’m sorry for pushing too much, it’s just… something doesn't add up. I've been to Skalitz, years ago, it was walled off and well defended, even if the enemy showed up out of nowhere, it makes no sense why it was at your most vulnerable moment.” - Henry listened carefully to Hans’s reasoning. He was right, was there a traitor in Skalitz? The world was never rid of cowards like Zbyshek after all, but who could it have been… it was all their fault, his parents, Bianka, his home…
“How did you realize things didn’t add up, sir. What do you nobles even do all day.”
“I’m glad at least you appreciate my suspicions, blacksmith. I used to spend most of my days trying to learn from Hanush, but i’ve started studying on my own, preparing in my own way for the inevitable that he tries to hide from and keep me uneducated on.” - he turned his head up to the sky -”The game of nobles, young blacksmith is different from a regular peasant’s life, and if i did what Hanush said was best, i’d be more unprepared for life than i am now, even if he disapproves of everything i try and do”
“You want control of your life, huh” - Henry blurted out quietly, looking at Hans with eyes of compassion - “I understand” - Simple words, seemingly worthless, but it struck Hans’s heart with it’s sincerity. The unspoken pain, the knowledge that both were tormented by melancholy, hiding away a part of themselves.
“And then Hanush tells me it’s bad to drink with my subjects… You’re not a coward, Henry, I can tell”
“Thank you… Hans.”
“SIR Hans!”
“Sorry.”

 

…

The afternoon sun came up, light seeping through the quiet forest, Henry was playing fetch with mutt while Hans was flipping through a book. The afternoon breeze was calming for their minds, enjoying the simple silence, broken by an occasional dog’s bark. Henry threw a stick and shily approached Hans.
“What are you reading there?”
“The report’s on the skalitz raid, look at this Blacksmith” - He held up a paper up to Henry’s face. Henry just looked at it with a confused expression -”I can’t read, sir”
“Christ almighty, what kind of a page are you!?”
“The kind that punches his lordship and then goes with him on a hunt?”
“So not the brightest, got it. The gate was opened for a few minutes right as the enemy “appeared out of thin air” as you said. Supposedly to let out an esteemed guest. It could’ve been an unlucky coincidence, but there might be more to it. Thing is none of these reports actually state who this guest is”
“Where did you even get those?”
“I nicked them from Hanush’s study before leaving this morning, not like he can read them.”
“I remember, Sir Radzig had someone accompanying him that I had never seen before, on the morning of the raid, and I haven’t heard anything about him since. I don’t know who he was either though.”
Hans sighed in defeat, - “I suppose I’ll have to ask Radzig himself, thanks for your help, Blacksmith”
Henry nodded his head and turned to walk back to Mutt when Hans spoke up again -”Tell me, Henry, would you like to learn how to write and read?”
“I’ve never had the chance to before, why are you asking sir? Is there someone in Rattay that can teach me?
“Aye, yours truly!”- Hans proudly pointed at himself with his thumb, chuckling at his own display.
“You’re not too bad for a page, if i trained you up like a good little pup, you could be worth keeping around, what do you say, Blacksmith?”
Henry's throat closed from the unexpectedness of it all, The heir of Rattay, The beautiful noble wanted to take him in as his apprentice? It was something he couldn’t even imagine just a month ago, oh how fragile that naivety was.
“I’d be honored by your graciousness, Sir.”
“Hey your speech is also improving fast, soon we can woo noble ladies together, eh?” - A chill ran down Henry’s spine, “Right, of course” . … “I won’t let you down sir”.
There it was, that wall that guarded him his whole life, that wall that Hans had crumbled without Henry even noticing it. That wall that hid him under many layers, “of course he wouldn’t see it that way, what am I thinking”. He cleared his throat and approached Hans near the makeshift table, all his beaming positivity seemingly gone in just a second.

 

…
Hans awoke to a strange rustling in the bushes. Too loud for a careful animal, He immediately rose to his feet, grabbing his new bow and drawing it while approaching the source of the sound. He crouched and peeked past the weathered stable and saw it, Henry, staring at a tree, eyes open, but it was like no light reflected in it. Hans put away his bow and arrow, approaching the boy
“Are you mad?! It’s still dark”- Hans put on his angriest tone, but immediately realised what was happening to Henry.
“Incredible!” - He had read about sleepwalking in a book before, but to see it in real life was not what he expected out of this hunting trip. He remembered the instructions in the book, don’t wake them, gently lead them back to their bed and make sure they’re settled. He stepped towards the blacksmith, grabbing his hand without thinking until he felt it, how coarse Henry’s hands were, bruised and scratched at nearly every visible point, testimony of his hard work. Hans looked down at his hand, holding the other man’s. Delicate, clean, spotless. That’s what kept him from the others that he wanted to hold close. The difference between their status, their lifestyle, their struggles too different to collide without ulterior motives, yet Henry burst into his life just a few days ago. He looked at him with fascination and admiration, not for his status, but for his honed skills. He disobeyed his lordship, and somehow got himself promoted. He punched Hans in his jaw just a day before, yet there Hans was, deciding to train him up to be a good page, maybe more.
“What a man of contradiction you are, Henry of Skalitz, I Want to know what else you’re hiding.’’
He put Henry down as gently as he could. Sleepwalking didn’t come out of nowhere, guilt, stress, trauma, restlessness. It all clearly plagued him, but he kept going, he kept training. How? for what? Why did Hans care?
“Asshole”

 

…

Hans opened his eyes, only to be met with Henry staring down at him, keeping the sun from flashing Hans right in the eyes.
“You said to wake you at first light, sir” - he moved his head a bit to the left while grinning, letting the sun blind Hans for a second before positioning himself between the two again.
“Agh, you arsehole, I’ve got it, you don’t have to permanently blind me.”- Hans grumbled while rising to his feet - “When did you even wake up?”
“I…I’ve been awake before the sun came up…”
“And you don’t remember anything from last night?”
“No? Did anything happen, my lord.”
“Aye, I had to fight off five Cumans while guarding your sleeping body” - Hans said in such an exaggerated voice that even the ever so gullible Henry wasn’t fooled.
“Then i suppose i’ll fight off the 5 coming to our camp tonight”
Hans put on his pourpoint and equipped his new bow on his back.
“How about a wager, henry? Hundred groschen for whoever brings back the most game before noon.” - He waited for the peasant to bite back with a remark, but his eyes looked even more tired than he was used to. Henry nodded in a silent agreement and quietly reached into his bag to take out a small vial, unlabeled. Hans raised his eyebrows at the sight of the bottle
“What even is that, are you sure it’s safe?”
“Aye, it just helps me get back energy after restless nights. Let’s get to our wager, right Sir Hans?”
He was trying to brush hans off the topic, brewing potions was always called a woman’s job in Skalitz, and he often got teased by boys his age for caring about the flowers and potions, learning about them from his ma. He never thought he’d be using it to keep himself functioning and from crumbling though. Thankfully, Hans didn’t pry into it.

…

“Kurva”
Hans missed another shot aimed for the hare.
“Fuck i miss my old bow”
But what could he do, he lost it fair and square, even if it was his off day, Hans kept his word.
“That damned blacksmith better make good use of it.
Hans enjoyed the forest, the tall trees casting long shadows over the ground,the breeze comfortable between his hair, the world was quiet here, no one bothered him about menial tasks and pointless arguments. It was freedom that he couldn’t experience anywhere else.
For once, his company wasn’t so bad either…
…

The morning in the forest was unbelievably satisfying. Henry had forgotten this feeling, the thin layer of water on the grass, the gentle breeze carrying mist with it, relaxing his often overheated body. The animals weren’t very scarce and Mutt was an excellent partner, just him himself getting 2 Hares, Henry got 3. He hung them all up on the right side of his belt, opposite to where his sword was hanging. Then he saw a flash of light brown, a deer. He followed it’s movement, quietly approaching and commanding mutt to hold, he aimed for its neck, a little to the right and below, have his pointing finger brush against the target in his vision and loose, into the neck, but he missed the vitals by a little, causing the deer to stumble and slowly fall, slowly bleeding out to its death, suddenly Henry saw the nearest bush shake and a baby deer ran out of it, up to its mother. Henry froze mid step, looking down at what he had just committed, taking a mother too early from its child. Like him, like skalitz, Ma, Pa, everyone…
His breathing became shorter and shorter, stabbing him in his chest like a sharp dagger. He fell to his knees, gaze frozen at the dead deer as its carcass split open, horrible red slowly enveloping everything around him and there he stood, man, a nameless bandit, the same one that was looting the dead woman’s corpse, the one that Henry drained of life, without a word, without a question of why. What had happened to lead up to that moment, what had he done to earn Henry’s misplaced thirst for justice. The man approached, bright red blood endlessly gushing from his throat, with each step, painting the grass, the flowers, the world. He slowly reached one of his hands towards his draining throat, as if trying to hold on to the last few seconds of his precious life. His other hand slid towards Henry’s old blade, hanging on his side. unsheathing it slowly, wordlessly, his darkened eyes gazing into Henry’s rotting soul, holding him in place, he was about to pierce him when suddenly a loud bark snapped Henry out of it.
Mutt was brushing It’s entire body against Henry’s, trying it’s best to get Henry’s mind to regain control. Henry finally opened his eyes and saw his own arm holding the same sword that the ghost had taken out, just millimeters away from piercing himself in the guts. He threw it to the ground and fell backwards, breathing still ragged, but coming under control.
“What is happening to me?”
He looked up at the sky, the sun hanging nearly at its peak.
“I should head back or capon will get worried”
He avoided his gaze from the mother deer, leaving its child to grieve for the rest of its life, just like Henry did. He stumbled towards the camp, Mutt not leaving his side.
…
“You look like you’ve seen a ghost” - Hans said in an amused tone, but immediately regretted it when he took a closer look at henry.
“Where’s your sword?”
“Huh? Oh, uh… I guess I lost it, but I wanted to buy a new one anyway. It's fine.
“Right… and I assume it wasn’t one of those bunnies that made you toss it, but I won't pry, if you need some more gear like arrows and a dagger at least, they’re in my horse’s saddlebag.”
Henry suddenly smacked his face with both of his palms to regain composure, causing a small echo in the thick forest and making Hans snap his neck towards him in a worried gaze - “How did your hunt go sir, I’ve got 5 hares myself”
“Not bad for a common blacksmith, you’ve even beaten my score, I really am unlucky when shooting in your vicinity.”

“Just beginner’s luck, sir, I’m not so sure I'll beat you the next time” - He grinned at Hans before scratching his head, as if he forgot something -”Ahem, shouldn’t there be some reward for the winner?”
“Jesus! The insolence, a serf asking his master for coin! But never let it be said that I'm a pinch-purse, here you go.”
“Your serf humbly thanks you” - Henry slightly bowed his head before looking into hans’s deep blue eyes again - “Don’t worry sir, i’d never add oil to the great Rattay gossiper’s fire at your expense”
“I’m overjoyed, but let’s go hunt real game, together this time, and don’t forget to restock
Henry approached the saddlebag with conscious wariness. He didn’t know what happened to him earlier, but he didn’t want this dagger to try and stab itself into him with illusions as well.
Still, he took it, better safe than sorry right, or vice versa would probably be more accurate for him now.
…
Capon was already on his horse, waiting for Henry, they walked in silence, Hans observing the tracks left behind by a boar.
Henry however was observing Hans. The way he moved his eyes, scanning the forest. The way he always had his bow in his hand, ready for a split second opportunity. His smile, head tilted a bit to the left as he approached another clue!
“See here? A wallow and it’s been freshly grounded. A boar is somewhere nearby” - he looked back at Henry, who was just nodding along to him - “Slow and quiet, understand?! We’ll watch out for it on that mound up there”.
Henry only nodded in response, trailing behind Hans, still a bit distracted when the noble came to a stop, raising his hand to signal Henry. They both waited for a few seconds as a boar came into sight from behind a tree, leisurely chomping on grass as Hans drew an arrow, but Henry interrupted him.
“You want to take him down with an arrow??” - He looked up at Hans with a face that ticked the noble off a little.
“Certainly… why wouldn’t I?”
“I heard boar is hunted with spears…”
“Is that so? Now you’re suddenly the master Huntsman, are you? Watch and learn!”
He stood up before Henry could interrupt him again, letting his arrow loose, sinking it deep into the Boar’s flesh, making it fall over
“YEAHA! Did you see that? Damn, I’m good”
Mutt barked from somewhere behind them, Henry turned his head, finding it strange that the dog was standing so far away from them, but before he could investigate Hans hit his shoulder in friendly gesture - “So, next time you try to tell me I can’t kill a boar with an arrow, you can…”

Before he finished his sentence, the boar suddenly rose to its feet and sprinted away, a little slower than usual this time. Henry didn’t even notice that Hans was already on his horse, running after it -”CATCH UP HENRY, WE’re gonna chase down that swine” - his voice faded in the forest. Henry chuckled to himself and started sprinting, but a gut feeling told him something was wrong.
Five, ten, fifteen minutes passed and he still couldn’t see any sign of Hans. The forest was quieter than usual as well, no birds chirping, nor running hares or deer, as if scared off by something. Could have been a boar being chased by a mounted horse, or could have been something else. Suddenly he remembered, calling out to Mutt. The dog was smart, even decently trained by Theresa during his illness, Henry decided to have a little hope, holding out his prized bow, the one he won from Hans, for mutt to sniff.
“Track!”
The dog only barked once and started running up the hill, over to a ledge that overlooked a small camp. Henry only needed one look to spot his Lordship. inhis ridiculously bright outfit, tied to a pole and getting hit in the gut by someone while another man sat and watched.
“Fuck what do i do” - Henry was being overswept by emotions, fear, worry, panic, worthlessness. He should run back, get some help from the captain, but it was at least a mile’s run and there was no telling what they’d do to Capon in that time.
“Next time, I won't run.”
This time, it wasn’t a wish. It was a promise!

 

…

 

“Now i’ve gone and done it, can’t believe a boar led me to fucking Cumans of all people” - Hans was talking loudly to himself, trying to make the bandit’s time as miserable as he possibly could by talking their head off, even if he knew they wouldn’t understand his language. He steadied his breathing, trying to get a head around his situation, but a way out was nowhere to be seen. He left Henry behind, was tied firmly to a pole, robbed of all his weapons. No matter how prepared he pretended to be for troubles of the real world, the first one had already left him feeling helpless. The two bandit’s talked among themselves for a few minutes, probably to decide what to do with Hans. Fuck. Ransom? Torture for information? Something worse? Wish he knew what was being planned for him at least.
“You cunts, of course filth like you would turn to banditry, what kind of a person would take you in, huh”
He didn’t even know what point he was trying to make or why, just wanted to agitate them at least, find some sort of a weakness. One of the Cumans walked up to him, “Kurva” being the only thing Hans understood as his jaw got punched, in the same spot his unruly page had done him in just a few days ago.
“Fuck Henry, where are you, you better get some reinforcements, and fast”
The bandit grabbed Hans’s face with one of his hands, pressing a dagger to his throat, not letting it sink in, but hovering it there as a threat, a promise…

 

…
A dozen more minute’s passed and one of the bandit’s got up, walking away into the forest to take a leak. Now was Hans's chance.
“Your mother is a whoooore” -He yelled out at the remaining Cuman, provoking him to get closer, but he moved faster than Hans expected, punching him in the rib’s twice, grabbing Hans’s hair and holding his head up. That’s when Hans saw it, from the corner of his vision, Henry sneaking up on the other Bandit, covered the man’s mouth with one hand and sank a dagger into his neck with the other. The shocking display of stealth stunned Hans for a second, but he quickly snapped out of it.
It all happened within a few seconds: Hans spat in the Bandit’s face and kicked one of his knees with his leg. In that same moment, Mutt flew out of the bushes and bit into the Cuman’s other leg, causing him to let go of Hans and turn his attention to the dog, only to be met with an arrow straight into his eye.

 

Hans couldn’t even say a word for a few seconds as Henry ran towards him, taking out the dagger Hans gave him earlier to release his binds. Hans rubbed his wrists, with the adrenaline finally gone, the pain was settling into his ribs, but he still kept his composure.
“I’ll have a bronze bust made of you my friend! But where have you been until now!?”
“Oh you know, picking berries, had a drink of wine, took a little nap…”
“Oh you little lunatic! They almost had me roasting on a spit.”
“I’d say it looked more like they were about to take your maidenhood…”
WHAT DID HE/I SAY??
Both looked stunned at the joke for a second before Hans came to his senses.
“Now look here, DungGrubber! Is that anyway to speak to a Nobleman?!”
Henry looked like a kicked puppy, knowing that it had made a mistake it couldn’t fix
“I… I apologise, Sir Hans, I'm just glad you’re alright…”
“Oh I’m yanking your pizzle Henry!... Thank you, for rescuing me. That was an impressive shot earlier and your stealth was quite admirable too. I’m glad to see my bow is serving you well.”
Henry looked him in the eyes before chuckling, turning his head a bit to avert eye contact before looking Hans over.
“That wound doesn’t look good my lord.
“Please Henry, drop the lord, Hans will be fine when it’s just us from now on… and you’re right, those damned Cuman’s roughed me up quite a bit, and my horse ran at the first sight of trouble, throwing me off it’s back for them to catch me”
“We can’t walk you home in this state, but I have a few things back at camp that could help, I'll help you there.”

 

…

 

They walked in silence, but it wasn’t one of discomfort. Hans had his arm wrapped around Henry’s neck, leaning his weight on him to alleviate the pain on his ribcage.
Henry gently sat him down on his own sleeping bag, the same one Hans had led him to last night without Henry even finding out.
As Hans was trying to find a comfortable position, Henry picked up his bag, looking inside for a few seconds before taking out a few unlabeled phials again. Hans looked at them once before the want to ask henry a million questions rose up inside him.
“Do you even know what those are?”
“Aye”
“And you’re sure you can tell them apart and that they can help me”
“Aye.”
“ Did you… Did you make them yourself?”
Henry looked down at him like a saddened dog, instantly softening Hans’s judgemental heart - “What’s so wrong with that? My ma taught me a lot about different flowers and potions”
“Even though it’s usually a woman's job?”
“Aye, even though…”
Henry couldn’t finish the sentence, he never would be able to.
“Do you want to feel better or not Hans, you can trust me on this”
“Alright fine, but i demand to know what i’m drinking”
“Some painkiller brew and Marigold decoction, It’ll help with your injuries and pain, but it might make you tired so we should wait at camp for its effect to take place, if you’re fine after a bit, I’ll give you the same thing i took this morning, Cockerel, It’ll give you enough energy to walk back to Rattay with relative ease at least.”
“Wow , you do really know your stuff, don’t you… I’m impressed Henry, it’s an useful knowledge.”
Henry didn’t show it, but Hans appreciating the same thing he was often criticized for made him extremely happy. He took another look at Hans and realised there was blood dripping from his hair.
“Shit, Sir Hans, Your head is bleeding, we’ve got to bandage it”
“I told you to drop the sir, and I don’t suppose you’ve got bandages at hand, do you”
“Shit, I usually hid them in my armor sockets, but I didn't bring them for the hunt.” -Henry’s head ran in circles while watching Hans slowly mellow out from blood loss. Finally, Henry took off his red scarf, gifted to him by his ma on his 19th birthday, and started gently wrapping it around Hans’s head , stopping the bleeding from worsening.
“It smells like you”
“Huh?”
“Nothing” - Hans grinned to himself, on the inside, he didn’t hate the smell.

 

…
Henry’s potions worked like a charm, getting Hans steady and back on his feet in just a couple of hours, but he still leant onto Henry during their walk back to Rattay. Henry was even quieter than normal, but his eyebrow kept twitching, tears occasionally welling up in his eyes before he blinked them away.
“Henry… What’s wrong, were you injured somewhere?”
“No, that’s not it, don’t worry about it hans, my exhaustion must be catching up to me”
Hans looked down at the boy who was barely holding himself together, who was folding in on himself with his pain, but Hans didn’t have the energy in that moment to help his savior.
“Have you got some meat left over from your caught game earlier? You should reward your dog, He saved my noble arse there for a second.”
“And what about my reward?”
“Is my well being not to your satisfaction?”
“Of course it is… Hans”

 

…
After about an hour of walking, they approached the north gate to Rattay, being intercepted by the guards who instantly took Hans away from Henry without giving them a proper chance to say goodbye, Henry just stood there, looking like an abandoned dog and Hans found the image amusing, making sure to savour it in his mind for a long time to come.

Notes:

Writing Hans and Henry, trying to keep them consistent with their in game characters but also adding more depth to their a bit shallow dynamic of kcd1 is more fun that i expected, i love these 2 and i hope i can take my vision all the way to the end <3

Chapter 4: that boy is dangerous

Summary:

Hans loses his mind, locked up in his room to recover until he hears a shy knock at his door.

Notes:

Added in a small part somewhere in the middle about the teaching scene because i forgot to until after i woke up, I need to stop writing these and publishing at 3am.

The effects of Henry’s painkiller brew took hold of Hans as he was split from him by the guards at Rattay’s gates, his eyes already slurring as he looked back at Henry, finding his resemblance to a miserable dog amusing.
It was late into the evening and curfew had already rung, sparing Hans the unwanted attention and judgemental looks of the peasants, he let the guard carry most of his weight as they approached lower Pirkstein. A priest, dressed in all black ominously awaited him in his room with medicine and tub of water, looking at Hans with an irritated expression. Lucky for him, the young noble's mind was already numbed out from the after effects of the energy potion and painkiller, or Hans wouldn’t have run out of insults for him until morning.
He disliked priests and the church from an early age, never really questioning why. He took his pourpoint and tunic off, letting the priest do his job as he sat on a chair, relaxing into the minimal comfort. The priest carefully observed him and occasionally grumbled under his breath, but Hans paid him no mind, his thoughts getting lost at the moment of his rescue. How Henry, who he thought timid and inexperienced, flawlessly took out a cuman from stealth and landed an arrow straight into a moving target’s eye. It was mesmerizing. As Henry quietly cut his arms open, Hans could feel Henry’s hands shaking, from fear? Exhaustion? Guilt? It was like he switched back to that timid image Hans held for him in a second.
“A man of contradictions.” - He mumbled quietly, the priest quietly raised his eyebrows at him, but kept quiet and continued coating Hans’s torso with medicine and bandages. Then he raised to his legs and took off Henry's scarf from Hans’s head, snarling at it with irritation -Such debauched methods, what was that peasant thinking.”
Hans immediately broke out of his haze, anger instantly building inside him at the pompous bastard - “I’d like to see you do any better after killing multiple men in the middle of a forest, oh dear messenger of god. Henry’s treatment was the only reason I even made it here!”
The priest stood aback, surprised by his lord’s sudden anger. He quietly bowed his head and apologised, quickly applying clean bandages to Hans’s head and going to the door to step out, but Hans stopped him.
“Leave the scarf”
“But my lord, it’s a peasant’s and it’s bloody”
He got cut off by Hans again -”I said leave it, and get out of here.”
Why did he care about the dirty scarf, even Hans didn’t know, but he did and that was enough.
As the priest finally left, he fell down onto his bed, the sudden rush of anger disorienting him again. What was this feeling he felt, he didn’t know. Henry, the guy he met just a few days ago, who got rewarded for his insolence, pissing Hans off… Henry, who beat him at archery and grinned at him in a compassionate way, instead of degrading laughter… Henry, who didn’t hesitate to embarrass him at the tavern and punch him in the jaw… Henry, who slowly opened up to him, and opened him right up as well... Henry who fearlessly slayed bandits to save him… Henry, who kept staring at him in various ways that Hans still hadn’t fully deciphered… HENRY HENRY HENRY!!!
“FUCK!”
Must be all of that peasant’s alchemy that was driving him insane, right?… A good sleep will fix him!… Right?

 

…

 

If his injuries didn’t take Hans’s life, the boredom would. It had been a week since the hunting trip and Hanush forbade him from leaving the castle until his injuries healed. It took him a full day of talking a guard's ear off to even be let out onto the balcony next to the stairs and be allowed some fresh air, even if he could barely stand for more than a few minutes. The boredom was overwhelming, stretching the day into endless seconds, he felt as if the walls of his room were constantly closing in on him and the priest's grimy expressions, as if Hans was destined for death, didn’t help.
A week of recovery went by and he already felt like he was losing his mind, missing something, everything… Henry…
As if!
…
Multiple opened books were scattered around Hans’s room as he tried to stabilize his breaths. The walls once again started to feel like they would fall on and crush him any second. This uncontrolled, unexplainable fear got more and more frequent as time went on… Even if it felt ridiculous, he couldn’t control himself in such times. He tried to get up from his bed, but the sharp pain instantly stopped him from raising more than a few centimeters off his bed, causing him to fall back onto it again.
A knock, brief, timid, only one.
Hanush wouldn’t even bother to knock, and servants would knock louder and announce themselves.
If it was an assassin, he wouldn’t mind his suffering finally being over.
“Come in!”
The door slowly opened and finally, there stood Henry, his page, his saviour, his “friend”
Hans tried to raise again, but was met with the same result, scrunching his face in pain before catching his breath - “Henry, you sod, what took you so long to check up on your lordship” - he tried to keep a strict tone, but couldn’t keep up the farce for long, immediately falling into his golden smile, slightly tilting his head while maintaining eye contact with Henry, who chuckled and shook his head to avoid his lord’s gaze.
“I’m sorry for making you wait, fair sir” - that sheepish grin escaping his face as well - “Your uncle and people had a lot of things to say to me.
“Oh? And what’s that, let me guess… you got a treasure chest saving me and the people sing songs of your legend at the tavern!”
“Well, I did get gifted an old horse, Pebbles, she’s a beaut and I won’t lose sight of you on the next hunt”
“I’m glad to hear it, sorry I couldn’t deliver the bronze bust I promised you”
“I’ll get over it… Hans… after that, I was told to wait for your recovery before continuing my duties, the bailiff doesn’t want me in his service any more and Sir Radzig had set out in the morning before we came back from our misadventure.”
“I noticed, I couldn’t ask him about his mysterious visitor.”
Henry looked up at him, a sign of relief in his eyes, glad that his lord still remembered their promise to investigate Skalitz together.
Hans looked back at him, offering him a smile that would calm a normal peasant’s mind, but Henry was far different from normal… Hans finally observed him, despite his smile, the relaxed posture, Henry couldn’t hide his exhaustion, his eye bags were the darkest that Hans had ever seen on anyone…
“You… What’s wrong, Henry…”
“How do you mean, Sir?”
“I told you to drop the sir, and you know what i mean… your eyes, you look like you haven’t slept in days.”
“You.. I couldn't sleep after that day, I don’t know why…”
“Don’t you. Don’t lie to me Henry, we haven’t known each other long, but you saved me. I’d like to do the same”
“I don’t need saving Hans! I don’t need or deserve it.”
“Your body seems to disagree!” - Hans passed him something small and shiny.
“What’s that?”
“It’s a mirror, look into it and you’ll see for yourself…”
Henry looked into it with a curious expression, he had never seen a mirror before, from what he had heard it was too expensive for peasants, but the curiosity on his face was swiftly replaced with a grimace.
“Eyes don’t lie huh.”
“And neither should you, FOOL!”
Henry quietly exhaled, rubbing his eyes to try and give himself enough energy for this, instead he was met with a wet sensation on his fingers.
“Shit.”- He quickly turned his head, avoiding Hans’s gaze.
Henry waited for it, the degradation, the belittlement, the same belief that haunted him his whole life, but Hans simply placed his hand on Henry’s shoulder, he didn’t squeeze it, he didn’t push it, it just rested it on him. WHY, Why didn’t Hans hate him, condemn him, shame him like everyone else would have…
“I won’t force you to talk, Hal…” - the name struck Henry like a mace to the chest, -”But you can be honest with me, I owe you that much.”
“But… But you’re a noble, what business would you have bothering with my sob stories…”
“Because I’m your friend!... or I thought I was.”
“Thank you, Hans…” - Henry quietly rubbed his eyes, wiping the tears before smiling at Hans, it wasn’t his sheepish little grin, it was one of something broken, starting to heal - “Those band… People, it wasn't the first time I had murdered someone, but it somehow felt… worse.”
“Because you pitied them?”
“Because I didn’t care.”
Hans was stunned at the admission, the pain in Henry’s voice was something raw, unfiltered, scared.
“After I ran from Talmberg, on the way to Skalitz, I found another settlement, burnt to the ashes by the Cumans, and I found one, a man, going through a dead woman’s pockets… I killed him without mercy, not even letting him get a word out…” - Henry felt like he would fall apart right there on the chair, but Hans clutched his hand still resting on Henry’s shoulder, as if to remind him he was there.
“I didn’t know his name. I didn’t know his story, what led him to robbing dead people, and I didn't stop to ask, Hans… I convinced myself in the moment that it was for justice, to avenge my parents, but it wasn’t. Yet I felt so at peace in the second that I killed him… It scares me, Hans.”
Hans couldn’t find words that could bring comfort for Henry, so instead he nudged him to keep going - “and that time, when you saved me?”
“I didn’t have to kill them”
“No… you had to save me”
“I should’ve done better, thinking back now it’s so easy to find a million different ways I could’ve approached it, but my first response was murder. When I stabbed the first one, I could feel it, his life drain away from his body as I covered his mouth. The first time I immediately fell apart, but that time… I didn’t even hesitate to go for the next one.”
“You didn’t hesitate to save me, Hal.” -There it was again, that name, coming from Hans, reached the depth in Henry’s stomach that he didn’t even realise existed. - “I’m sorry for putting you in such a position, but I am grateful that you saved me…”
“Thank you, Hans…”
“Where did you even learn to move like that, I barely spotted you while looking directly in your direction”
“Wellll, I live with a miller right now, he has a strange set of skills, you know.”
“So I shouldn’t let the next buffoon that knocks on my door inside, just in case!”
“Well, if I wanted to sneak in you wouldn’t have heard me” - Henry flashed his sheepish grin at Hans again, making him roll his eyes in not quite annoyance, some warmth still being felt in such a gesture.
ah right, i almost forgot” - Henry reached into his bag hanging on his side, pulling out meat wrapped in cloth and a few unnamed phials - “I had them smoke the game we managed to bring back, and I made you some more painkiller brews, extra strong to help with your pain.” - He tried to hide his shy smile, unsuccessfully, nervously waiting for Hans’s reaction.

“Well aren’t you my guardian angel! I’ll gladly accept, haven’t had anything but bread and pain for the past few days”
“I’m sorry for not coming sooner, Since I didn’t have anything to do, I’ve been running around town to help with errands and tasks, especially related to the refugees that weren’t as lucky as me…”
“And brewing me potions.”
“And brewing you potions…”
“Yet you haven’t slept since that day, have you…”
“Not much, sir’’
“I’ve told you to drop the sir you buffoon… Stay here tonight, I’m bored out of my mind and I have a second bed in here, usually reserved for fair maidens so you should be honored.”
Henry chuckled nervously, his thoughts running as fast as a horse, - “How could i deny you anything at this point”.
Hans laughed it off as he picked up one of the phials made by Henry, it tasted different than last time, but it was definitely stronger, his pain instantly disappearing -”You’re a witch Henry. You’ve got to teach me more about alchemy when you can, in exchange for me teaching you writing”
Henry rolled his eyes, as if annoyed, but in reality trying to hide his happiness - “and here I thought my dear lord was being generous to a poor peasant.”
“Is my bed not enough for his highness, grab some wine in the top drawer of my closet and sit over here.”
Henry obeyed, opening up the closet and getting hit with the smell of soap, perfumes, wine, nobility… He was forgetting who he was talking to, who he liked…
…
The two drank in comfortable companionship, relaxing and enjoying each other's company. It was the first, for both of them, a true friendship, one that didn’t judge the other harshly, one that had each other's back. Hans shared a few stories of his childhood, how his father called him “Birdie”, how he once got cursed by a demon, how he used to sneak outside of the town constantly, only to be found laying in the grass and staring at the sky…
Henry shared too, about his mother teaching him about flowers and potions, about his father training him in the life of the forge, about Bianca, who was Henry’s closest friend… but he didn’t say everything, and Hans could tell he was holding something back,a pain, a secret, not yet ready to be shared, and he was alright with it…
…
A few drinks in, Hans swiftly walked to his desk, picking up an empty paper and a pen, gently placing them in front of Henry, who already looked half dead from exhaustion.
“Since you claim to not be able to sleep, maybe learning will tire out your messy brain, what do you say Henry?”
“What, now? I thought it’d be more, I don’t know, demanding.”
“If you keep delaying it, my dear page, you’ll never be in a perfect state to start learning how to read!” - Hans was not willing to back down from this, he was already getting drunk and he wanted to prolong this moment with Henry - “on top of that, writing will surely help you to keep up with your peasantry errands, write them down and you’ll never forget the details!”
Henry looked up at him with pleading eyes, only to be met with a firm gaze from Hans that he couldn’t deny. He sighed and picked up the pen before realising he had no clue how to start. Hans looked a bit startled as well before he remembered he didn’t have much of a plan for teaching Henry either…
“Let’s just start with the vowels… and more will come the more we drink”
“You’re not much of a teacher huh.”
“Shut it! Peasant! These injuries didn’t give me much time to come up with a plan.”
“Uh-huh, your servant humbly thanks you, your lordship”
“Gods, you really know how to piss me off!”

Hans started writing down a few letters on the paper, putting in extra effort to make it easily rememberable. Henry got lost in thought , placed his elbows on the table and leaned his head on his palms, trying to fight off his exhaustion that he refused to give in to. His face was warm from all the wine, the heat providing some degree of comfort to his tired body. He looked sideways without turning his head, at Hans. Hans who was taking his time to teach Henry, Hans who cared for him, Hans who has been so nice since their fight at the tavern, Hans who hasn't judged Henry for his quirks that always made him feel like an outsider. It would have made Henry extremely happy, but there was a gnawing fear inside his gut. What if he's just being nice because he doesn't have anyone else for entertainment, what if he just feels guilty for making me save him, what if he's gonna forget about me after he got better, what if... The fear was consuming Henry from the inside while he still stared at Hans. The young noble looked up from the paper, looking into his eyes before smiling... It wasn't his trained smile, one befit of a noble who kept up his image in front of everyone, no, It was genuine, warm and it shone on Henry's darkening soul as brightly as his pourpoint.
"You should stare at this paper, not me Henry, I've written out the alphabet that you're going to memorize and everything else will be easy!"

They kept going for a couple of hours, drinking, learning, laughing, enjoying this peaceful and comfortable moment that felt rare for both of them. Henry was a quick learner, despite being tired he had already memorized every letter until exhaustion finally took over him, making him doze off on the table, but Hans did his best to nudge the half-asleep man towards his bed.

…

Hans woke up to the feeling of his head being split open for a few seconds before calming down. He sat up on the bed, looking at the other one in front of him to see Henry laying on his side, mumbling in a panicked tone, slowly losing the rhythm of his breathing. Hans could sense it, the distress, the guilt, the terror that was haunting Henry, he felt like he was closer to truly understanding his new friend, why he relied on potions to keep him up, why he avoided sleep like the plague, drowning himself in work and errand, why he sleepwalked that night…
Hans put his feet down on the floor, trying his best to stand up straight without pain, which was still possible thanks to Henry's potions, even if a few hours had passed. He grabbed some water to quench his thirst and walked back to his bed, but, he stopped. Looking at Henry, pitiful Henry. Hans felt that strange feeling again, one he never felt before, one he thought of as friendship, one he couldn’t allow to be anything else…
Without a word, without a sound, he sat on the edge of Henry’s bed, gently grabbing the distressed man’s hand, still rough, still coarse, still beautiful. Slowly, Henry’s breathing steadied, he stopped mumbling, his brows relaxed and, for once,he looked at peace.

…

The morning came quickly, the sun shining right into the eyes of Hans, who was still sitting on Henry’s bed, holding his hand and laying on his chest. He quickly realized what was happening as he hurriedly let go of Henry’s hand and swiftly rose to his feet in panic, much to the dismay of his body. He instantly folded onto the floor from pain, barely gasping for air.
Henry woke at the sound, looking disoriented and sleepy before he made out Hans’s figure on the floor, spazzing in pain. He immediately jumped out of the bed, kneeling before Hans, looking around at lightning speed for something to help him with. He quickly grabbed one of his painkillers, gently put his hand under Hans’s head, letting it rest on Henry, and slowly poured the potion into his mouth, praying that it’d take effect quickly.
“Please Hans, please…”
After one of the most dreadful minutes of his life, Hans finally steadied his breathing, coughing up the air that felt stuck in his lungs and slowly raising his back to lean against the edge of his bed frame.
Henry didn’t say anything, looking him up and down for more signs of pain or distress until he caught Hans’s gaze, looking into it with emotions he always buried before. Hans looked back at Henry like he was worried about his page. Henry felt a little blush creep up on him as he shook his head to avoid Hans’s gaze, one of his defensive habits that he wasn’t fully aware of still.

Hans looked up at Henry, still unable to speak after all the coughing, but he wanted to thank him.Finally he regained his composure, lost in thoughts about what had just happened when he woke up, his gaze locking onto Henry’s worried, but rested, face. Henry looked back at Hans, and did his stupid laugh while shaking his head, avoiding Hans’s eye contact. Hans hated and loved when Henry did that, because even though it was Henry’s attempt to hide his heart, he still wore it on his sleeve in the eyes of Hans.
“I’m sorry for waking you and making you save me again…”
“Had me scared there for a second Hans, what happened.”
“I… I just got up, hm, to get some water, and the pain must’ve hit me late.” - he pointed at the empty cup at his table, the one he drank in the middle of the night, not moments before -”see.”
Hans lied through his teeth, unable to admit anything that had happened during Henry’s sleep.
“Oh, alright then, you could’ve asked me, you know.”
“You were finally sleeping peacefully, I couldn’t bring myself to disturb my favorite peasant!”
Henry laughed again, quiet, somber, but filled with joy and energy he hadn’t shown to Hans before.
“If you’re alright for now, sir, I’ll get going,” - he suddenly stood up, turning his blushing face and bothered body before Hans could spot it -”I’m already late for 3 of my peasantry errands…”
“Such a dedicated peasant, good luck out there… Hal… Don’t forget to check up on me every once in a while, and bring me some more of those painkillers, they worked wonders last night…”
As Henry stepped through the door and turned to close it, he heard call out one last time
“AND I TOLD YOU TO DROP THE SIR, ARSEHOLE!”

The door closed with a chuckle, leaving Hans in uncomfortable silence, alone with his thoughts again. He already felt lonely and bored again, even if Henry’s visit had relieved him of some stress. He walked back to his bed, laying down before reaching under his pillow, pulling out a bloody red scarf…

Henry was nothing but trouble for Hans.

Notes:

Henry feels nervous about one of his first real friendships, one that didn't connect them just for their woes like with bianka, but his anxiety makes him put distance between him and Hans, afraid of becoming fully honest. Stuff like him saying my lord or sir despite how many times Hans tells him not to, and Hans may not realize it, but he crumbles Henry's anxiety every time he reminds Henry to drop it and be honest. My first chapter where all the dialogues were completely written by me and not imported/inspired by the games dialogues. I hope I didn't lose their characters too much, if you have advice, I'll gladly take it. I love writing about these 2 so much :D

Chapter 5: unattainable control

Summary:

road to vengeance isn't as clean as Henry hoped, yet the world seems to mock him at every attempt of regaining control.

Henry was losing his mind.
It’s only been a week since he visited Hans, but the time in between was nothing but a hazy blur. The Neuhof massacre was a brutal scene, taking Henry right back to Skalitz that he had tried so hard to repress, his mind blanked, lost control of itself, like he was watching someone else as he interviewed the victims, followed their tracks, found 2 bandits to the north, one of them noticed him…
…
Henry’s new sword slid out of the bandit’s gut, leaving behind a clean slice and a sharp opening in the bandit’s gut. He wouldn’t live for much longer…
Henry grabbed his hair, dragging the poor man’s face up
“TELL ME WHERE YOUR PEOPLE ARE HIDING YOU BASTARDS!”
The man didn’t respond, didn’t look at him, desperately trying to hold onto his guts, slowly falling out of his wound.
He finally looked up at Henry, with eyes that spoke not of hate, of denial, of pride or desperation… It was fear, fear of Henry.
Henry came to his senses, letting his hair go, the man falling to the ground with a heavy thud that would haunt Henry forever, if he had heard it. Blood rushed to Henry’s head, his breathing grew faster and heavier, making him unable to contain whatever remained in his stomach.
…
Henry walked absentmindedly along a stream, waiting for the charcoal burners to come into sight, pebbles and mutt followed him a few steps behind, as if distraught by the boy’s blank expression. He did his best not to think, not to worry, not to care, and he hated that it worked, that he didn’t even remember the entire fight, only the brutal end. He looked around confused, then looked down at his map.
“Fuck i went the wrong way.”
He wasn’t experienced in reading the map, navigating directions or figuring out where he was, but he couldn’t bring himself to worry about it anymore, to worry about anything anymore. He turned to his right up to another body of water, but then he spotted something, something beautiful, something that reminded him of his mother…
…
It was already late evening when he found the charcoal burners, but before he could speak to them, he realized someone else had already beaten him to them, 2 men had cornered a timid boy near the fire, clearly threatening him. Henry had to find out what they were doing here, who they were, what they were after, but before he realized, he was already drawing his bow. Just one shot was enough to make the bandit without a helmet go down…

…
Once again, he went too far…
He dropped the bandit’s lifeless body onto the other’s, observing it with confused eyes, as if he wasn’t the one that gave him the bruises, the broken bones, the bloody nose, the gouged out eye…
Henry couldn’t possibly get any more out of his stomach, instead he turned towards the terrified charcoal burner, still laying on the ground from the shock of such brutal violence. He looked up at Henry with eyes that directly pierced his soul. Henry looked down at his bloodied hands, his deformed cheap armor, his, wait the scarf wasn’t there anymore, least of his worries now, but he couldn’t recognize himself anymore, it’s been a day, a fucking day and he’s taken 4 lives, for what? Justice? Vengeance? To be a hero?
“Next time, I won’t run… I’ll never run away again”
It was no longer a promise, It was his curse…

 

…

Henry was woken by the sound of footsteps outside his tent, he swiftly got up, still dressed, and stepped outside to see Radzig about to enter his tent.
“There you are boy, I was about to call you for a mission.”
“What do you need of me, sir?”
“You did well, finding out the location of their camp, but it’s not enough, we need to know their numbers, their positioning, their weaknesses we can exploit.”
“And how else can I help with that”
“I need you to sneak into their ranks, find out the information about them, maybe sabotage them if you can and come back to us, alive preferably.”
Henry couldn’t hold back a sigh - “And why does it have to be me… Sir? Surely one of your soldiers is more experienced with such tasks…”
“In just a week you’ve done more than any of them could, I can’t trust anyone else with this, Henry. It’s an order, you’re in my service, remember?”
“Or I’m expendable... It's not that they couldn't do what he did, but they never bothered...” - Henry thought to himself, the venom in his heart rose, even if he knew it was misplaced, or was it? It didn’t matter, Henry would do anything to keep his thoughts at bay, his memories of the past week and all the violence he’d afflicted, all the times he’d lost control buried deep inside him, never to see sunlight again.
...

Pebbles slowly carried him up the hill, but Henry sent mutt home to the mill, tying a little letter to his leg, hoping Theresa would see it. The dog whined once before Henry gave him his last piece of smoked rabbit, back from his hunt with capon, and then it left while wagging its tail.

He missed Hans, that sense of comfort he brought to Henry’s soul, his bright smile, even brighter outfit, his kindness… Henry started thinking back at the night he spent in Hans’s room, seeking for comfort for the overwhelming chaos inside his head. Hans, joking with him. Hans comforting him. Hans not judging him, teaching him, treating him, looking back at Henry…
Henry wasn’t a fool, he always knew his feelings would never get reciprocated, that if he kept quiet about his true nature, the people he liked wouldn’t leave him, but something about the way Hans looked at him, into his soul, made him feel like he didn’t have to say anything, like it all had already been read by Hans, and that was terrifying, it almost made Henry lose his breath just imagining what would happen if Hans found out his true nature, but suddenly, a memory, lost before in exhaustion, popped up in his mind… A memory he thought of as nothing more than a dream…

Henry slightly opened his eyes, it was still dark, but something else was getting in the way of his vision. He slightly pulled his head back to see golden hair, darkened by the night, nested against his chest. He tried to reach for it, to feel it, to find out if it was real, but his hand stopped immediately, feeling something holding onto it. Something smooth, clean and seemingly fragile… Sleep took over Henry before he could fully take everything in, his mind forgetting it, discarding it as a dream, but in this moment of reminiscence, Henry wasn’t so sure anymore.
“I’m losing my mind.”

 

…

 

Henry ran as fast he could down the hill, looking back at the smoke coming from the bandit’s camp. He had to keep running and make sure no one was chasing after him, though they’d probably be too busy trying to put out the fire.
The forest was strangely quiet, contrasting to Henry’s mind. Runt was there, the same fucker that stole Henry’s sword just strutted around like a king in the dirty camp. Henry almost lost control of himself again before coming to his senses, realizing that his rage alone couldn’t get him out of such a difference in numbers. With trained stealth, he stole discarded Cuman armor, snuck into the base without anyone noticing, poisoned their foods, ;et their horses loose and lastly set fire to their arrows, running away before they could notice the smoke. He had chances, many chances, to take out a few of the bastards, but he held on tight to the control he held over himself for the first time in a week, doing his best to be strategic.
After a few minutes of running, it seemed like no one gave chase and Henry could finally stop.
“Fuck, I’m lost again”
He left pebbles by the main road, so she would be safe while he snuck around at the camp, but he didn’t expect to run so suddenly. He tried to listen to the forest, for a sign, anything, birds chirping, hares running, a wolf’s howl in a far distance, water running downstream…
That was what he needed, he ran down to the spring, knowing that if he followed it upstream, he would find the main road with pebbles.
The walk was soothing for Henry’s spirit, as if it washed away a bit of the rot growing on it. He slowly took off his Cuman disguise while walking, trying not to think about how horribly gross it made his entire body feel. The water never seemed to stop, dampening Henry’s dirty shoes, yet he didn’t mind, his eyes focused on a spot he spotted a few days earlier, filled with beautiful flowers, small, blue with yellow center and white lines, a forget-me-not.
Henry’s eyes filled up with tears at the sight, at the memories it brought out within him: A young Henry, asking his mother about them… Him weaving them into a crown, alone in a forest, as a gift for someone…
He never gave it to him, did he. That fear, that gnawing feeling inside his gut stopped him before he could show it to him.
If I never tell them about my true feelings, they won’t leave me… right?
“Next time, I won’t run” - his wish, his promise, his curse…
Why couldn’t he use it for himself for once.

 

…

The world was blurred again.
The army was ready, Divish and Radzig stood in front of Henry, questioning him about the positioning of the camp, the entry ways, the weak points, yet Henry didn’t seem to be in control of himself, his answers monotonous, spoken with no emotion. Radzig didn’t have time to question him as they pushed forward into the camp. Henry’s body moved, flawlessly deflecting the Bandits attacks, performing perfect combos and masterstrokes, all the fighting in the last week had made him grow, yet from the inside he watched again, as if it was someone else controlling his exhausted body.
Henry’s neck nearly snapped when he heard Runts' voice - “STAND YOUR GROUND, YOU DOGS! DRIVE THEM BACK!” - the giant man was easy to see amongst the rabble. Henry immediately gave chase, avoiding every attack swung at him, leaving his comrades behind. He shot an arrow up at the man climbing up the stairs, but it deflected off his armor. Henry immediately jumped at the ladder, running up it in just a second, cornering Runt…
‘I will cleave you in TWO! You bastard!”
“The blood ran from Henry’s head down to his body, preparing him for the battle, finally letting him feel like he was in control of himself again… He would normally be scared, of the fight, of the potential of taking someone's life, yet the rage, the seething, uncontrollable rage inside him let him keep full control this time.
“You tried before… YET here I am.”
The 2 warriors circled each other, swords in hand, yet holding themselves back from striking first
“Wha… Who the hell are you!?”
“You don’t remember me? I remember you though!”
“Where’s my fucking sword!?”
“What the fuck are you on about? What swo…” -The man tilted his head, staring at Henry, which pissed him off more than he expected, tainting the feeling that he got from someone else doing the same motion -”hang on… You’re the!... Fuck me! I thought we left you for the crows! Tough little fucker, eh?”
“What did you do, with my sword!?” - Every second that passed made Henry lose more and more control of himself… no that wasn’t right, he was in full control, this rage… It was all him
“Judging by our last encounter, you’ve made a big mistake coming here.”
“WHERE’S MY FUCKING SWORD!!!”
“But then again, maybe you’ve had some practice since last time. I hope so, ‘cause last time it was too FUCKING EAS…”
Before he could finish his sentence henry was already in his face, a strike from the left, then a strike from the right, Runt had no time to defend as Henry followed up another slash with a kick into his knee, making him buckle, but he didn’t stop either, throwing a weak slash at Henry’s leg, which got parried. The giant swiftly rose to his feet again, trying to go on the offensive, but all of his attacks got blocked at the last second, yet not retaliated, Henry wasn’t struggling, he had Runt dancing in his palm the entire fight. As the man threw one last desperate slash at Henry from the right, he parried it and struck his pommel straight into Runt’s temple, making him daze, Henry threw another punch straight into the giant’s gut, then another, and another, knocking him to the ground, wheezing for air. For good measure, he sliced the man’s shoulder’s making him unable to hold a weapon anymore.
“Not bad… for a peasant brat…”
He tried to reach for his dagger, one last desperate move, but Henry stepped on his Hand, breaking his fingers before kneeling down and picking up the dagger runt tried to reach for with one hand, grabbing his neck with the other and placing the knife on his throat, already making it slightly bleed.
“It’s not over yet, YOU SCUM! Where’s my fucking sword!”
Silence…
“WHAT HAVE YOU DONE WITH IT!!!”
“HAHAHAHA”
Henry couldn’t believe it, after everything he’s done, after everything he’s gone through, this scum, was mocking him… in the face of death, he still laughed at Henry.
Henry laughed as well, for just a second, as he slammed the man’s face into the floor with full force.
“TALK, YOU BASTARD”
“I’ll see you… In… HELL.”
Runt’s last words as Henry’s rage boiled over the limit, and despite that, he knew that he didn’t lose control, that what was happening was all his doing.
The giant’s face slammed into the floor, over and over and over and over… Henry felt it, his nose get squishier, his teeth falling out, his skull crumble under the constant force until what Henry was grabbing was nothing more than a meatbag… It was gratifying and he hated himself for it.
“TELL ME DO YOU HEAR ME!!! TELL ME WHAT YOU’VE DONE WITH IT!!!”
“Ahem…”
Henry looked back with eyes full of rage until the sight of Radzig and Robard snapped him out of it, he slowly looked back at Runt’s lifeless body before letting go of his neck and the dagger, watching it drop to the ground with less resistance than a normal head would have.
“I’d say.. You’re flogging a dead horse there…”
Henry’s breathing quickened, unable to comprehend what he had done, Radzig slowly approached him and Henry flinched, expecting a shout, scream, disgust, anger, anything, instead Radzig simply looked down at the corpse with disgust on his face
“You took him down, on your own?”
“Well done… Nice work!”
Well done? How could he say to Henry after seeing what he just did, after everything he had done, what was wrong with everyone.
“He was a mountain of a man, you surprised me.”
That’s all?
Henry caught his breath, standing up and avoiding his gaze from the squashed body, - “He was the one who attacked Neuhof… And stole your sword, Sir.”
“The thought did cross my mind… What did he tell you?”
Henry couldn’t answer, he had nothing to answer with, all he managed was to close his eyes and shake his head.
“If we had taken him alive, the executioner might have gotten more out of him! Oh well, things happen in the heat of battle.”
Henry’s mind was blurring again, Radzig switched the subject , talking about something to do with coins, but Henry couldn’t take his eyes off of Robard, who poked the giants head with his mace, only to find no resistance and look up at the boy in shock. Henry averted his gaze in shame, but before he completely blurred his mind he heard something from Radzig.
“This… louse was just a pawn”
Henry couldn’t hold it anymore, all this time, all this effort, all this killing, yet he was still a pawn in a game he never wanted to play. The rage, the sadness, the guilt rushed up again from his body, He leaned over the window before throwing up. Robard place his hand on his back
“That’s the fear leaving you lad, let it go”
“No”
That wasn’t right, it wasn’t fear.
It was disgust, of himself.
And it would never leave Henry.

Notes:

Henry with dissociation, anyone? I wanted to write an angst chapter, but i genuenly hated doing the whole storyline between neuhof massacre and runt fight, so i skipped over a loot of details, but i hope i kept the core conflict of Henry murdering, losing control, dissociating when in a fight or a situation he hated visible. a chapter mostly with angst, next one will be fluffy AND angsty <3

Chapter 6: the shared stillness

Summary:

Henry comes back after the raid against Runt and his bandits. Hans recovers from his injuries and invites his page, soon to be something more to the bathhouse.

“Who does that damned peasant think he is, abandoning his lordship like this!”
Hans was pacing around his room, going crazy from being forcefully locked up by the guards, not allowed to leave his room after Hanush found out he snuck someone in at night, even though it was just Henry. That’s right, It’s just Henry, so why was his absence taking such a toll on Hans. It’s not like he didn’t have enough on his plate, like recovering, for example. Yet no matter what he did, his thoughts would always lead to him…
“Damn you and your big sad eyes Henry Of SKalitz!!!”

There was a sudden knock on his door, making Hans stop right in his tracks. The knock wasn’t just one and quiet, so it wasn’t Henry’s, they didn’t announce themselves so it wasn’t a servant, still curiosity got the better of him and said aloud that they could come in.

A fair maiden slowly opened his door and stepped in, at first striking Hans’s eye with her beauty, but only for a second, because under the external beauty Hans instantly spotted something familiar… A look of grief, guilt, exhaustion that he had observed on Henry before.
“You must be Theresa?” - He politely bowed his head, unable to fully follow up his body with the proper motion, the pain in his ribs immediately stiffening his entire body.
“I’m surprised you know my name… Sir. I don’t think we’ve met before.” - She politely bowed back and walked over to the desk in his room, putting down a small satchel.
“Henry mentioned his friend that he was living with at the mill, and you two have a certain look about you, I don’t see it often on anyone else”
Theresa slightly raised her brows, faking the face and tone of someone being insulted - “I’ll take that as a compliment, my grace” -but she couldn’t hold the offended tone for long, flashing Hans with a sheepish grin that was ever too familiar.
Hans chuckled to himself - “My apologies, but it seems you two really are alike… Would you happen to know where he is… He didn’t tell me before disappearing, and my uncle’s been avoiding the topic like the plague.”
“I’m actually here because he asked me to, Sir Hans.” - Theresa pointed at the satchel she had placed down, -”Our dog came back to the mill this morning, even though it went with Henry on his mission, and it had a little paper note wrapped around its leg. It just said to bring you some phial’s from his chest, nothing more or less.”
“I’m sorry, a mission!?” - Hans huffed out in surprise -”That fool couldn’t keep up with me in a duel for more than 4 swings and they sent him out on a mission?”
“I heard he got you good in the jaw though” - The girl’s voice was slightly quiet, poking fun at Hans but not in a way that wounded his ego.
“Oh yeah? And which gossiper told you that?”
“Henry did, the same night, before your grand hunt, he seemed pretty pleased with himself too”
“AHA, I’ll be sure to punish that fool when he dares show his face around me again” - Hans couldn’t even mask the trace of a laugh in his tone. He felt so natural, so relaxed, talking about Henry with his friend.
“So you’re telling me that fool is running around, drowning in menial errands and still had time to send a dog, of all things, with a message to take care of me?” - The thought itself felt strange to Hans. It was… comforting. Noone else cared for him that much, worried about him despite their problems like that, looked after him outside of duty, especially a peasant who had recently lost everything.
‘’Aye, that’s Hal for ya, caring about everyone and everything, even if he’s going through hell himself…” - Theresa bit her tongue before she said too much, but Hans caught on quickly.
“How do you mean that, Miss theresa… And you can relax a bit around me, I promise I won’t pounce or do whatever you’ve heard about me in the city.”
“I know Hans, that you’re a good person, Hal hasn’t forgotten to mention that, It’s just that I don’t want to talk about his problems behind his back, y’know?”
“By that do you mean him barely sleeping or him walking around when he finally does?”
“How did you… Right, I suppose you’ve already spent a few nights together, eh?”
“What’s that supposed to mean exactly!”
“The fact that you haven’t gotten rid of him yet despite his… issues shows that you’ve got a good heart… Sir.”
“Yeah right, he saved my life, the least I owe him is a shoulder to lean on…”
“You’re a noble, sir. At most you owe him some groschen as a reward, nothing more.”
“And the least that bastard owes me is a warning before he fucks off for a week, but here we are… Sorry, I didn’t mean to swear in front of you”
“Oh please, you’ve already dropped your mask, no need to keep it up much, my lord” - there it was, that similar sheepish grin, that tone that was mocking and comforting at the same time.
“You two are just taking turns wounding me, huh” - Hans chuckled and walked over to Theresa’s satchel, taking out a phial and staring at it. It was marked this time, a small paper stuck to it with a scribble that Hans could barely make out… Henry’s handwriting, no doubt. He smiled to himself, happy that his friend was making use of their lesson. He quickly gulped it down, realizing that Henry had added something to make it taste less bitter, and the pain in his ribs disappeared almost immediately.
“That Hal of yours… He is some chemist, I’ve never had a potion that worked so well before…”
Theresa scrunched her face for a bit, thinking back to past memories - “Aye, his mother… She was a kind woman, and very smart as well. She started teaching Henry all about it from an early age, even though he got picked on for it more than once… He never stopped.”
“Who was he picked on by? I doubt there were many children your age in Skalitz, considering Its size.”
“There were… enough. I never was much close to Henry, but I knew a friend… Bianka. Those two were practically joint at the hip, with how much time they spent together.”
“Oh… Is she… Was she his…”
“No one knew, they always denied it, but no one believed it, after all It’s unheard of for a boy and a girl to spend so much time together without something happening, right?”
“Aye, but so far that blacksmith has been nothing but contradictions in my experience…”
“That he can be, sir.” - Theresa spoke plainly, but the hidden intent behind her words made Hans curious, curious enough to dive in just a little deeper. Theresa got up to leave, quietly approaching the door, as she opened it, Hans made up his mind and asked.
“He’s… Henry’s hiding something, isn’t he… about himself.”
Theresa didn’t look back, freezing in the doorway for a split second before speaking up - “Isn’t everyone?” - A simple question, that left Hans spiraling as she closed the door behind her.

…

 

Hans had to get away for a bit.
He was sick of his noble duties after hours of listening to peasants and their most uninteresting problems all day.
“Master, my neighbor keeps emptying his pisspot in my yard…”
“Master the butcher is fucking my wife!”
“Master… Master … Sir… My lord…”
Sick of it, ALL of it, yet he kept up his appearance the whole day, of an interested noble, an interested disciple of Hanush, pretending to study his every move and decision, all of which he already knew, not like Hanush would notice or acknowledge that…
Hans walked into his room, making sure no guards were standing outside. He put on a simple dark tunic, a dark hood over his head, regular garter hose and unremarkable shoes, turning him practically invisible in a crowd where his usual yellow pourpoint and red scarf made him stand out. He wordlessly snuck past the Rattay gates, walking down the road, past the farms, past even the bathhouse, into the nearby forest. Just past a few trees, was a small field, uninhabited, nothing but flowers he didn’t know the names of on the ground. The colors were calming for him, surrounded by trees, safe from an outsiders' gaze. The breeze gently brushed across the grass that he laid on, enjoying the peace, the quiet…
The freedom.
Not for long though.
After a few minutes of aimlessly looking up at the sky, he heard a noise coming from the bushes, then a swear of a man, annoyed at the world. Hans felt a little panicked, he hadn’t brought much with him to not attract attention, other than a dagger… He slid into a nearby bush, waiting in silence as an armored man, not wearing any lord’s colors, stumbled out of the trees, stopping at the beautiful site, looking dazed for a second. He had his visor down, alongside with full armor, this wasn’t a fight Hans could easily win, but something in his gut pushed him forward, lunging at the man from behind, wrapping his arm around his neck and tripping him up with his foot in one motion, his body was fully recovered and capable now. Hans dropped to the ground while still holding his arm around the man, placing his dagger on his neck before the man could fight back.
“Ah, fucking hell, where the fuck did you come from!” - The voice was muffled from inside the visor, but it made Hans hesitate before stabbing him, instead asking a question.
“Who do you work for, bandit! You’re not wearing anyone’s colors!”
“For Sir Radzig Kobyla, and technically Heir of Rattay, Hans Capon, now let me go won’t you, asshole!?”
“Wait, HENRY!?” - Hans couldn’t believe his ears, recognising his page’s way of talking, even if muffled by a helmet.
“What the… Hans? What the fuck are you doing? And here?”
“Well last time I was in a forest, the Cumans got me, so I hope you’ll forgive my wariness Henry.” - The sarcasm in his voice was laced with something… New. Not quite jealousy, not quite anger, more of an annoyance than anything.
“I… Right, sorry.” -Henry apologized. Of course he did, even when things weren’t his fault.
“Jesus Christ be praised Henry, where the fuck have you been, what happened, why are you dressed like a bandit…” - The questions didn’t stop there, but Henry’s comprehension did,
“I was just on a mission, alright? Nothing much happened. Radzig will have returned by now, i suppose you’ll need to be there to listen in on their grand noble debates…” - something about Henry’s voice, anger, exhaustion… Spite. It surprised Hans, after all Henry and Radzig seemed to hold each other in high regard, yet the young page spoke about his lord in a cold demeanor.
“Did something happen out there? You’re acting strange Henry.”
“Please Capon, like you know how I act normally!” - Henry couldn’t hold back his tone, but immediately regretted it, his voice dropping - “Shit… I’m sorry Hans, I didn’t mean …”- before he could keep fumbling with his words, Hans went close to him. Henry expected a punch, a slap, a push, spit, everything worse that he deserved, instead… Hans placed his hand on his shoulder, in a calming manner that instantly influenced Henry.
“I’ll pretend I didn’t hear that, okay Hal? You clearly need rest aaaand… How about this, I’ll be going down to the bathhouse after the meeting with Radzig finishes, and I’d like you to join me, a good soak will do a tired man like you wonders.
Henry still looked baffled, surprised. Anyone else would have thrown him away by now, discarded him without a second thought, gotten angrier at him, yet Hans simply understood him, gave him space, helping him through his toughest time that seemingly demanded nothing in return.
It was new, unknown, scary for Henry, yet he couldnt put a name to his feelings.

…
Hans opened the door into a room stuffed with noble air. Radzig, Hanush and Divish sat at the high seats of a long table, all three’s personal bodyguards standing close behind them.
“Finally, my wart graces us with his presence.” - A biting remark that would have worked on Hans any other day, but meeting Henry again had given him too much joy to let Hanush soil it.
“Apologies, Uncle, I wasn’t warned about this meeting by anyone until I ran into Henry.”
“How is he lad?” - Radzig asked suddenly, stunning Hans for a split second, confused on why Radzig would care or ask now of all times.
“He seemed… Tired, so I sent him to his home rather than making him accompany me here.”
“Why would he…” - Hanush tried to speak, but Hans interrupted him.
“He’s my page isn’t he, that’s your words uncle, not mine… And I’ve wanted to take him in as my squire since the hunting trip.” - He turned to Radzig, who seemed surprised at Hans’s kindness - “If that’s alright with you, my lord. Of course he will be in your service when needed as well.”
“I’m just surprised by your kindness lad, I’d be glad if Henry was a squire to a man like you.” - The compliment was simple, without hidden meaning, a hidden bite being hidden in it, which surprised Hans’s expectations, developed under Hanush’s constant venom.
Hans sat down at the table, two seats away from Hanush, not too close, but close enough to make it clear Hanush couldn’t easily get rid of Hans easily.
“You came at a good time, sir Hans. We were just about to start discussing our raid on the bandit’s that have been plaguing our region since the raid on Skalitz…”
…
Hans couldn’t believe his ears as Radzig recounted everything that had gone down. He was kept in the dark from it, ALL OF IT. Then Radzig got near the end, speaking about how Henry scouted out ahead, found excellent strategic points and sabotaged the army. Then it came to the final battle. How the enemy archers were lacking because of the broken arrows, how the small army was easily defeated due to the effects of Henry’s poison. How they couldn’t run because Henry let their horses loose…
That guy, he was a hero in this fight, yet when Hans saw him, he looked anything but… He was dressed in armor he had clearly taken from a bandit, not high quality, or markings of something made in Rattay. He kept his visor down even in the heat of the afternoon, he was easily overtaken by Hans, who had just recovered from injuries. Something was wrong with him, and Hans, he wasn’t there… He should have been there, investigating with Henry, fighting alongside Henry, yet he was at home, being angry at the man who was going through hell, yet still spent precious time worrying about Hans.
“Henry cornered the giant of a leader alone in the abandoned church. By the time we got to them… There wasn’t much of the bastard left…”
Robard grimaced at the mere mention of that moment, he had seen a lot in his days, but no one quite had turned a man’s skull into bone soup in front of him.
Hans raised his eyebrows, wanting to ask more, but Hanush stopped him, clearly interested in something else.
“AND??? What about the gold they were operating with, they had to have had some kind of a funding right!?”
Of course.
“It was… fake. All of it. A convincing fake, but lacking the seal of the real Italian court.”
Hanush started spitting while cursing loudly, earning a frown from everyone in the room. - “Then what was the fucking point of all this Radzig!?”
Divish, who had been quiet until now, ran out of patience - “The point, Hanush, is that Bandit’s won’t be bothering us at least for a couple of months and our people will be safe!”
Hanush leaned back into his chair, like a pouting child, much to Hans’s amusement. He still had a million questions for Radzig, but deemed them inappropriate for the moment, most of them were about Henry after all. So he perked his ears up, listening to everything else Radzig said, writing them down.
“That giant, he was just a lackey, wasn’t he.”
Radzig’s eyebrows furrowed, he grabbed his nose bridge, trying to massage away a headache that had been nested in him for a few days now.
“Aye, we still don’t know who was behind it all, behind them.”
“Henry and I had a question about that, Sir Radzig.”
“Henry? And what can I help you two with?”
“I saw in the reports that the gate was opened right before the enemy appeared, leaving Skalitz vulnerable. But we couldn’t find any reports on why it was opened. Supposedly a guest was leaving at the time, but there was no names on the reports.”
Radzig’s expression changed, a hidden feeling rising to the top, but before Hans could observe or pry further, Hanush interrupted the two.
“And what would you know Hans, you haven’t even read the reports in my office or shown any interest in the raid before, stop spouting nonsense just to impress Radzig, it won’t get you far! You’re dismissed”
“But uncle…”
“DISMISSED I said, get out of here!”
None of the other lord’s spoke back to Hanush this time, no one came to Hans’s defence, and he lost his tongue, now of all times, just like every other time Hanush seemingly got mad out of nowhere for no reason.
Hans didn’t wait long, just put on his charming noble smile, bowing to the lords before leaving the room, but he took one last look at Radzig, seeing that his question brought up something in his mind, wishing he could pry further.

…

“I need some relief for fuck’s sake, they’re all driving me to insanity.”
He stomped down the street’s of Rattay, approaching the gate when he spotted Henry walking out of an armour shop. Holding a bag of new armor. Henry grimaced as he threw the bag over his shoulder, hoping to make it more bearable but instead making the weight lean on his shoulder wound. Hans approached him without second thought, startling Henry into almost dropping the bag.
“Shopping are we? Where did you even get enough groschen for this stuff, that’s at least a couple thousand, isn’t it.”
“Hans, what the hell…” - Henry straightened himself up, fixing his posture and hiding the pain from his face -”I got rewarded by Sir Radzig quite well, and I’ve… taken some stuff from bandit’s who can no longer use them. Trading is important for us peasants, you know, I can’t just demand new armor at whim like your noble arse.”
Hans raised his eyebrows at the remark, but didn’t get mad, surprisingly. Instead he unknowingly tilted his head to look into Henry’s eyes…
A sudden noise made him jump on the spot a little as Henry fell back, dropping his new set of armor on the ground. Hans was startled by it for a second before leaning down to help the blacksmith up, instead in his eyes Hans saw… Something raw, a mix of rage, guilt and fear. He couldn’t figure out why, or what had caused that. Henry’s breath was running short and he was failing to get up, attracting attention from nearby citizens.
“Henry, what’s wrong? Are you alright?” - Hans placed his hand on the man’s shoulder, hoping to calm him down but to no avail. The man looked up at him with disoriented eyes, a single tear welling up in his left eye.
Hans, confused on what to do, cupped Henry’s chin with his other hand, leaning in closer before stopping himself…
“What the fuck am i doing” - He thought to himself before coming back to his senses. He spoke, aloud but not enough for others to hear - “It’s alright Henry, you’re safe… safe with me, alright? Come to your senses already!”
Henry’s eyes finally focused.
He looked around, looking a little confused at first, as if he didn’t even remember getting here. Hans held out his hand and Henry took it, slowly rising to his feet.
“Hans… What the fuck happened.”
“You tell me, I look at you once and you’re on the ground having a panic attack in the middle of the town!”
“I… I’m sorry, I…”
“It’s alright, you’ve calmed down at least. Listen, I’ll help you carry your armor to your home and after that, don’t forget to come to the bathhouse in the evening, alright?”
“R-Right… Thanks, Hans.”
They walked in awkward silence, Hans expected he would have to carry some of the armor all the way down to the mill, but Henry pointed at a small room right outside of lower Pirkstein castle.
“Radzig gave it to me, for good service he said… “
Hans couldn’t believe it at first, how fast his friend was progressing, without him...
He dropped the bag at the entryway, looking back at Henry again to make sure he was alright, sensing that what his page needed was a bit of alone time for now.
“Just don’t come too early to the bathhouse, come at sundown. I’ll be having some company until then…”
“Right...”

…

Henry watched Hans leisurely walk out of the town gates, down to the bathhouse. Sun still stood high, giving him ample time before he had to go to the bathhouse himself, to prepare… for what? It wasn’t like he and Hans were going to bathe together, at most Hans would try sending a wench to cheer Henry up and he’d have to masterfully deny them one way or another. Yet he was still excited, finally able to take his thoughts away from the past week that were eating him alive. His new room was small, a bit stuffy, but it was Henry’s, something he earned on his own. There was a simple wardrobe, 2 chests and a straw bed. In the corner was a small table and 2 old stools. It wasn’t much, but the sight of it all made Henry’s heart flutter. He wouldn’t have to bother Theresa anymore, he could start somewhere, enjoy some alone time…
After placing his armor in a chest, Henry went outside to the stables, to empty Pebbles' saddlebags from random loot he had gathered on his mission. Swords, helmet, a broken cuirass, dirty gambersons, a lot of dice which he put in his satchel, flowers…
After sorting his stuff in the chests, he looked over at his groschen count, enough to leisurely live for a couple of months, maybe even get something new for himself.
He walked back out into the street, refusing to stay in the loneliness of his room…
Henry walked up to the tailor’s shop, the shopkeeper warily looking at him, expecting trouble when spotting his dirty and tattered clothes. The green shirt and dark-green hose that had been his only set of clothes for a month now, already fading in color and quality.
Henry showed the man a small bag of groschen before asking to look around, finally getting the wary eyes taken off him.
It was fascinating, having so many options in front of him. Before, Martin would occasionally bring him new clothes in Skalitz and that was it, he never had to make a choice or worry about fashion, but this was different, so many styles, options, quality, and it was his choice to make, not someone else’s. One of the few things Henry had gained control on after Skalitz…
Looking through the options, he picked out 3 simple tunics, green, blue and black and 3 hoses that matched those tunics, then he got to the hoods, thinking back to his scarf that he had lost, a gift from his mother. He couldn’t quite remember when he lost it, but it stung all the same. The tailor offered different options, not just scarves, but hoods that weren’t all that common in Skalitz, yet seemed to be in fashion in Rattay, Hans included…
In the end he just got a blue hood, unable to replace the significance of his Ma’s gift with another scarf.
After exiting the tailor, he went to a bakery that smelled heavenly, the smell of baked bread, honey cakes and different sweets filled the air nearby, driving back the dirty street’s smell.
The simple things were enjoyable again for Henry, surprising even him with how much his mood lightened when biting into the sweetened bread. He picked up a few more before walking out into the street. His spare groschen was already running low.
Henry went back to his new room, placing his new outfits in the small closet, except for the green tunic and hose. After getting dressed in the fresh clothes, he took the rest of the baked goods and went down to the mill, hoping to meet Theresa.

Henry walked leisurely down the dusty road, passing some familiar and many unfamiliar faces. The sun hung warm and golden over him, still quite a bit away from going down, casting long shadows of trees gently swaying in the summer breeze.
The birds chirped in the branches, flowers rested at the roots, painting a beautiful, peaceful picture in Henry’s mind, taking it off of his woes, even if only for a brief moment.
…
“Look at you Hal, I see you’ve finally found some decent clothes”
“I’m glad to see you Theresa, how have you been?”
“So, so. How about you? You didn’t tell us much about your big mission before disappearing. How did it go?”
“Us?”
“Me and your dear Capon. He was very pissed that you disappeared without letting him know in advance.”
“And how did you find that out…”
“I brought him the phials, like you asked, remember? Although it was strange to see Mutt run in with something attached to his leg, gave me a fright for a second you know!”
“Right, sorry Tess, I was going to come and do it myself, but I got stuck on the other side of the region, near Talmberg.” - He shifted a bit uncomfortably, as if wanting to ask a thousand questions he wasn’t supposed to, but Theresa could read through his anxiety well enough. She rolled her eyes at his squirming, flicking him on the forehead.
“Nothing happened Hal, you can quit worrying, we had a little talk and he lost his anger in a second. He seems like a decent person, when he drops his noble mask.”
“I… How’d y’know I was thinking abou…”
“Oh please Hal, It’s written all over your face. You used to hide your feelings better before.” - She smiled at him, a genuine, warm smile that didn’t judge, that didn’t hate, yet it scared Henry to his core, stiffening his legs, making him freeze on the spot for a few seconds.
“She knows! Does she know? How could she know!? I’m fucked, I’m so fucked” - Finally, he looked up, staring into Theresa’s warm smile, her knowing eyes, but the fear, that overwhelming dread that plagued him with melancholy his whole life wouldn’t let go of him, not even now, not even when he felt the safest he had felt in a month. Instead, he took a step back towards the door, trying to mask his voice, filled with fear - “I have no idea what you’re talking about, Theresa. It’s not like that!”
“Isn’t it?”
“NO!” - His voice came out louder than he meant to, hitting his own eardrums like a mace to the head - “Just leave it Theresa! You’re suggesting something horrible and you know that, I…” - He hated it, hated those words coming out of him, hated the tone he had taken towards one of his only remaining friends, but the idea of someone knowing about his… curse, brought with it a crippling fear, of everyone knowing, of everyone condemning him, of everything changing. Bianca was different, because she was like him, but Theresa…
Henry stepped outside and slammed the door behind him, trying to catch his breath before running off.

The bathhouse was right there, promising Henry a safe spot for a minute to gather himself, but he forgot the warning from hans. He went up to the door that he had only opened once before, a few weeks prior on a visit to the bathhouse, and pushed it open, much to his mistake.
“Who the fuck!? HENRY!? I told you to come in the evening!”
Henry’s reaction was delayed as he looked up, focusing his eyes on the sight of Hans, whose naked body was pressed against another woman. A wench was… to Hans…
He immediately stumbled backwards and slammed the door in front of him.
“What the fuck is happening today” - He blurted outloud before turning back and aimlessly running off again, his mind darkening with each passing second. He ended up at the entrance to an empty field, the same one where Hans had ambushed him earlier.
He stepped into the clearing without thinking, brushing past the last of the trees, then stopped. The forest gave way to a small, open field, no more than a few dozen paces across. It was empty, save for the flowers. They grew wild and free, untouched by plow or foot, swaying gently in the breeze. Poppies, cornflowers, and wild daisies painted the grass in soft reds, blues, and whites.
He stood there for a while, silent. Something about the place felt different… peaceful, untouched. The flowers weren’t just beautiful, they felt free, growing wherever they pleased, unbound by rule or hand. And in that moment, so far from the noise and burden of the world, he realized he hadn’t seen anything so simple… or so free… in a long time. He couldn’t take this in earlier, but this time it all hit him at once, overwhelming the chaos inside Henry’s mind.
He fell on his back, sinking into the colourful field, looking up at the sky. He understood why Hans would run to this place. It calmed his mind, gave his thoughts a linear path, a chance to think without pain. The breeze was cooling, but the sun was warming, both coexisting within Henry’s senses instead of fighting, making him relax into the earth.

Why? Why did I care about what Hans did? I Always knew it would never come back, didn’t I? I say I don’t care, but I just care too much. I miss the person I was before Skalitz, yet I hated myself back there. I crave attention, love, touch, yet I reject him at every turn, then get mad at him. I want to avenge my parents, but I'm breaking along the way. Runt… That bastard, When Hans looked at me that way, the same way he did, it made me lose myself again, like I've done so many times in the past few weeks… Theresa, I need to apologize, I was afraid everything would have changed, but she didn’t look at me with hate and if i don’t get over this fear, It’ll never be the same either way…
Capon, he’s like a light in darkness for me, but I don’t know why. I've liked men before, I’ve never liked girls like that before, but he’s different… something special I can’t explain. Or can’t I?
“I.”

“I love him.”

“Even if I don’t know what that means.”

 

The sun was going down.
…

Hans couldn’t keep going.

He had come here early to blow off some steam in the first place, to stop worrying about the stress that Hanush had caused him, but when he saw Henry’s face, standing in the doorway, looking dumbfounded for a second, with pain in his eyes, something about it made Hans’s blood rush to his head, a mix of embarrassment, worry and guilt. As Henry slammed the door behind him,He pushed himself off the wench, immediately fumbling to get dressed.

The bathmaiden looked at hims with confused eyes.
“Did I do something wrong, good sir?”
“No, no, I just realised I need to do something else, just wait here and… Fill up the tub with hot water.”
“As you comma…”
She hadn’t even finished her sentence when Hans had already run outside.
What am I doing, chasing after him?
As if! Who does he think he is, I clearly told him to wait before evening, the sun is still high for fucks sake.
As soon as he left the bathhouse yard, a dog tackled him.
Mutt was excitedly wagging his tail, running in circles around Capon. He only had to look once at the dog before realizing they both wanted the same thing, to find Henry. The dog ran a bit ahead, going down the road past the bathhouse, near the place where Hans had ambushed Henry earlier.
The dog ran in ahead, but Hans hesitated.
He was… nervous.
“FUCK.”
Had he been inconsiderate towards Henry?
Had he been too considerate?
He’s never had someone be so… nice to him. Not because it was duty, or because they were sucking up to him, but because he liked him.
“You better not fuck this up, Capon.”
He slowly walked past the trees, looking up at the sky, the sun was going down…
He heard talking of Henry before he could see him, unable to make out the words. In the colorful field, there was a boy dressed in green, blending into the grass, patting the dog with a big smile and tired eyes.
Hans approached silently, saying not a word, standing just a meter behind his friend.
“I sure hope a noble doesn’t ambush me twice in the same day, in the same spot”
Henry moved his head and leaned his body backwards, looking up at Hans with his sheepish grin, fluttering his eyes from the sunlight.
“If the peasant wasn’t so damn quiet and suspicious, I wouldn’t have to.” - Hans looked down at him, unable to hold back a smile of relief, relieved that Henry was alright.
“Are you done with your “pRioR buSineSs?”
“Are you done with your sulking?”
“I wasn’t sulking! I was… brooding. I heard it’s in fashion nowadays.”
“It doesn’t suit you, my dear page.” - Hans held out his arm for Henry, helping him get up.-”Come, a hot tub awaits us, we don’t want it to get cold!”
“Us?”
“Of course, why else would I have invited you to go together, just to sit in separate rooms? Or were you expecting me to pay for a wench to service you and send you off?’’ - He grinned at Henry and punched him in the gut with his elbow without any force, in friendly gesture.
“No, definitely not that, actually I had zero idea what you wanted.”
“My, my so clueless, my dear page. It’s okay, you’ll learn! I swear on my capon name!”
“Aye, if you say so.”
They walked in silence again, but this time, it wasn’t awkward, filled with tension, instead, it was comforting…

…

“Do I really have to do this Hans. I want to get in already!”
‘’Consider it an order or a personal favour, whichever you prefer!”
“Ugh fiiine!” - Henry rolled his special dice, weighted for misfortune on purpose. He had decided to hold himself back when it came to Hans, but he wouldn’t get a wench out of her clothes for him either. 6 dice and none of them added up to any points, what a tragedy!
“Lady Luck’s not on your side today, Is it Henry! You better roll better next time.”
“Yea, yea, shut up capon, you already got your ass handed to you by Zdena, so your honors in the dirt right now.”
“Watch your tone, peasant!” - Hans gulped down another cup of the bathhouse wine and broke out in laughter as Zdena rolled 3 threes and 3 twos.
Henry faked a grimace as Zdena rolled a new set, scoring another 500 points, only a little bit from victory, but she withheld her die for the next round.
“Come on Henry, DO ME PROUD!”
The sudden change of tone in Hans’s voice caused Henry to turn his head as his dice rolled, but when he looked down, the grimace on his face became real.
“6 ones, are you kidding me” - He whispered to himself as Zdena looked down at it in shock.
“My, my, laddie, I’ve never seen such luck before, are you sure you’re not cheating!” - her tone was accusing, but she didn’t follow through.
“That’s right Henry! You show her!”
“Looks like i’m the one who will be doing the showing” -Zdena quietly walked out of the room to get changed, Hans followed her with his eyes, already a little slurred from alcohol. Henry stood behind him, right at the edge of the tub, blocking off his view.
“Like you requested, you’re no longer the only one with his arse on show.”
“And I’ll forever be thankful for that, my dear Henry. Now strip off and get in here!”
“What, seriously, with you? Isn’t that a bit much for me to get in a tub with you… Sir?”
“Oh drop it and get in already, I’m not interested in your hairy arse.’’
Henry had a look of disappointment in his eyes for a split second before pulling off his hose and shoes, but when he reached for his tunic, he hesitated, remembering the cuts and ugly bruises he had accumulated over the week. Without taking it off he stepped into the tub
‘’Shift over, I don’t wanna step on anything viTaL.” - Henry stepped one foot into the tub, measuring his balance before raising his other one, ignoring the mute pain in his bones and slowly sitting down in the water, doing his best to avoid any skin contact between him and Hans.
“Alright, give me a moment and I’ll ROLL IT UP AGAIN” - Hans finally took an eye away from the door to where Zdena had disappeared and looked back at Henry, rolling his eyes. - “why have you still got your tunic, It’s not a laundry basket you know, or are you a blushing maiden underneath your shirt!?” - his tone was accusatory but with a heavy hint of just poking fun.
“I just, got a nasty injury, I’d rather not get it wet right now” - Henry relaxed his body a bit more, putting his arms over the edges to hold himself up while slumping the rest of his body, the warm water tightly hugged his exhausted and dirty skin, sinking into every scratch and injured part of his body, providing a soothing comfort.
“Is there medicine in this water? All my injuries are feeling a lot better all of the sudden.”
“You talk as if you’ve never been to a bathhouse!”
“I have… just once though, and it was to just wash my clothes…”
“Oh my dear page, that explains so much” - Henry raised his eyebrows as Hans waves a hand in front of his noses, signaling the smell that Henry’s overworked body was exuding - “And yes, Henry, I had them put in extra medicine into the water for you, don’t think I didn’t notice your wincing when we saw each other earlier.”
“I’m… Thank you, Hans.”
He watched nervously as Zdena walked back out with another bathmaid, named Klara. They both approached the tub from different directions, Klara moving in closer to Henry, placing her gentle hands on the boys shoulders to massage them. At the same time Zdena threw in more herbs, poured in some hot water and left the room again. Henry took his attention from them back to Hans, hoping he wouldn’t get seen.
The view was… a lot for Henry. Hans’s eyes were half lidded from alcohol, his face brightening red from the hot water, he was staring at Klara at first, but then turned to face Henry as well, his lips curled upwards into a genuine smile, one unbefitting for a noble. His hair was damp and flat against his skull, messily sprawled around his head instead of slicked back like. It was an endearing sight, watching Hans drop his noble mask and relax. They hadn’t gotten to spend much time together yet, so everytime Henry saw a new sight, a new version of his friend, it made his heart flutter.
“You certainly know how to have a good time, Hans”
Hans handed him a cup filled with cheap smelling wine -” Here drink, It’s not terribly high quality, but it should do the job.”
‘’Don’t mind if I do, give me that”
Hans watched Henry gulp down the wine, extra intently observing his throat as the drink disappeared into it.
“That’s the spirit!”
Henry looked up at him, a tear staining his eye from the sour after taste of wine, making Hans’s heart skip a bit. He licked his lips before speaking up again.
“So this is how you recuperate from your injuries? Booze and wenches?”
“Of course! Is there any other way? Not to say that your potions didn’t help, they certainly spared me a lot of healing pains, but nothing beats this!”
Henry’s lips curved into a half smile, but he turned his head down instead, washing off the dirt and grimace from the parts of his body that he let expose.
“So you have fully recovered from our hunting adventure?”
“I’m well enough Henry, these bath’s are just the thing, and Zdena is very… heeaalingg.”
Henry didn’t like it, the way Hans stretched out the word, putting emphasis on it, but he refused to let it show on his face, instead opting to change the topic.
“How did the meeting go with Sir Radzig and Hanush?’’
“OH, don’t remind me Henry, I’m still royally pissed off about it!”
Out of nowhere, Hans dove his entire head into the water, trying to gather his thoughts before continuing - “I tried to ask Radzig about our findings, and before he could answer Hanush just kicked me out…”
“Oh… I’m sorry to hear that sir. Did you at least get an answer from Radzig?”
“Nope, Hanush immediately bit back at me after I asked the question, even I wasn’t prepared for such… BULLSHIT!” - Hans raised his arm in the air in anger, splashing a bit of water onto Henry’s shoulder’s and hair by accident- “oh fuck sorry… Anyway, at least Radzig heard my question, so if our hunches are true, I’m sure he’ll do something about it…”
“I hope so…”
They sat in silence again, Henry’s mind growing chaotic, between thinking about Skalitz again and trying his best to ignore his and Hans’s knees brushing against each other, his head was about to explode. Klara brought them more wine, but when Hans took it, he frowned and put the cup away…
“We really can’t drink this local piss…” -He looked over at Henry with a mischievous grin. - ”Henry! My dearest page! You should go and get something better, though where?”
“Just what is so wrong with the wine here sir?”
“I’d rather drink the bathwater! You should go under the Rathaus, there’s some excellent wine there that Hanush recently bought for us.”
“And you want me to go over there and get it now?”
“Well… I’d be indebted to you! And a grateful nobleman is the best ally you can have!”
“Can’t you just make do with this wine? I really don’t feel like going up there.”
“Absolutely not! I will have my Sylvaner red from that cellar, even if it takes you a week to get it!” - He looked around, at Klara… -”We’ll find some way of entertaining each other in the meantime… aaand if you get this done, I actually have a surprise for you!”
“So I can just go in and get the wine?”
“No… Not exactly. It would be best if no one saw you.”
“I see…”
Hans looked at him with a mischievous grin, raising suspicions in Henry’s mind.
“And this wine wouldn’t be kept under lock and key by any chance?”
“Maybe?”
“Haaaaansss…”
“Don’t look at me like that Henry and get to it, come on”
Henry sighed in exaggeration as he got out of the tub, slipping on his hose and shoes, but shivering from his wet tunic.
“Uhhh, Hans… Could I… Borrow your pourpoint?”
“If only someone had foreseen this and told you to take everything off! But alright, just the pourpoint, okay?”
Henry put on the fancy outerwear, doing his best not to tear the expensive looking cloth. He stuffed his body into a pourpoint rather long for him, but narrower in the shoulders and chest area. His training had been paying off, granting him muscles that just blacksmithing never had before.
Hans eyed him up while Henry fumbled with his pourpoint, taking note of the muscles, the scars, the bruises, the muscles…
“You look like a wet puppy when your hair’s wet” - He couldn’t hold back a chuckle, enjoying Henry’s offended look at him before he walked out the door.

Henry slowly walked up the street to rattay, or he thought he did, but without realising it, he had gone down instead, maybe by instinct, muscle memory, to the mill. In the yard, Theresa was sitting on a bench by a campfire, poking it with a stick and looking lost in her thoughts.
Henry didn’t hold himself back this time, going to a conversation that was inevitable.
“Hi, Theresa”
The girl jumped in her seat from surprise, pointing the heated up stick at Henry before making out his face.
“Jesus Hal! You scared me…”
Awkward silence fell between the two, neither having forgotten how their last conversation had ended.
“I’m sorry / I wanted to apologize”
Both looked up at each other before finally laughing from the heart, breaking the awkward tension between the two.
“You go first Hal…”
“Right… I’m sorry for getting angry… You didn’t deserve it…”
“But I was right, wasn’t I?”
“Aye…”
“Do you want to talk about it?”
“Not really… Not yet, at least.”
“I see. I’m sorry for approaching it so suddenly before as well, I should’ve realized it’d be a sensitive topic.”
“Ah, forget it, no point in dwelling on past mistakes, keep moving forward, right?”
Theresa looked up at him with rounded eyes, showing a complicated feeling that would have been hard to read for anyone but Henry, eyes of compassion, guilt, exhaustion, and love, a familial feeling of love they had both come to miss.
Henry stayed silent for a moment more before flashing a sheepish grin at Theresa - “I see you can’t sleep yet.. How’s for a fun little distraction, we run a little errand?”
“Oh? And what would a capable boy like yourself need a millers help for?”
“Well, right now I’m supposed to be robbing the Rathaus of their precious red wine for Sir Hans, but it’s under lock and key, which your uncle hasn’t trained me on much yet…”
Theresa’s eyes widened before chuckling to herself - “Oh you naughty bastard, I’ll say it again, if our parents are looking down at us, they’re probably rolling in their grave now.”
“I mean, if they’re watching we may as well entertain them right?”
“Alright, I’m in, but you’re gonna have to wear one of my uncle’s tunics, or that ridiculously fancy pourpoints going to get us caught, where did you even get that?”
“Hans lent it to me, mine was wet from the baths”
“The baths?? And he lent it to you? Henry you do realize that’s not normal right…”
“I don’t want to think too hopefully Tess… So you in?”
“I’m no coward!”

…

They were almost home free, but a guard was standing still right outside of the back entrance to the Rathaus. Henry looked over at him from a corner, Theresa peeked from over his head. They looked at each other in panic when, suddenly, a dog’s panting could be heard from behind them. Both of them turned in shock to see mutt, trying to match their silence stood behind them in the dark alleyway. Theresa lit up at the sight of the dog, turning to Henry with a proud face, whispering.
“Look what I taught him just today.” - She tapped the dog’s nose once, then pointed at an empty area near the guard in their way - “Bark there!” - Her whisper was barely audible, but the dog immediately followed, running past them, past the guard, gaining some distance from him before sitting down and barking continuously, enough to wake up the neighbors and cause complaints if he kept it up, forcing the guard to turn his attention at him, away from the 2 phantom thieves of Skalitz.

They ran down to the Rattay gate while barely holding their laughter. As they approached the gate, Henry pointed towards the inner yard of lower pirkstein castle, specifically at a shed standing outside.
“I just got rewarded with a room there you know, so you’re free to come over anytime, stay if you want to, even if I’m not here…”
“Oh? And how did you earn such a precious gift?”
“Remember that giant bastard that you saved me from… Back in Skalitz. I tracked him and his bandit’s down, sabotaged them and killed the bastard all alone…” - His tone indicated pride in the fact, but below it was hidden a somber feeling, unidentifiable for Theresa, but just knowing it was there was enough for her.
She placed a hand on Henry’s back, helping him steady his breath. - “Do you regret it?”
“Should I? I regret that I don’t…”
“He had it coming.’
“But I enjoyed it…”
“He had that coming too.”
Henry looked back at her and looked, truly looked at her, beneath her happy and somber exterior, was a woman who was just as, if not more filled with vengeance and rage than he was.
“Zbyshek wasn’t there…”
“That’s good… I wanted to get him myself.”
“I’ll help where I can.”
“Thank you, Hal…”

…
Henry said goodbye to Theresa at the bathhouse, watching as mutt followed behind her footsteps. He let her take a few liters of the red wine back home, in exchange for her help, feeling quite happy that he had found such a great partner in crime.

As he walked back into the bathhouse, a whole casket of wine under his arm, Hans looked at him in shock, like he didn’t expect Henry to actually pull through with his task, especially after more than an hour had passed. Klara was brushing his golden hair, looking up at Henry like she didn’t expect him to return either.
“Well, have you got it?”
“Of course!”- Henry declared with a strange sense of pride in his voice.
“You really broke into the cellar at the rathaus?”
“I certainly did, I hope that wine’s worth the trouble we had!”
“We?”
“Aye, my friend Theresa helped me, she’s a better lockpick than I can ever dream to be.”
“You’re INSANE, HAHA, I never expected you to actually break into the Rathaus and declare it so proudly too, lucky for you, Klara here is tight lipped.”
“WHAT? That was a trick? For fucks sake, if they’d caught me, I’d have ended up in the stocks -IF I WAS LUCKY!”
“NONSENSE! I wouldn’t have let them!”
“Yeah right, tHanK yOu foR yoUr coNceRn” - he rolled his eyes before handing the casket over to Klara -”Well let’s see if this wine was worth risking mine and Theresa’s necks for.”
He stripped back down, hanging up Capon’s pourpoint back in it’s owner’s clothes pile. He got back into the tub, where the warm water hit his chest, reminding him that he was trying to hide his chest from Capon. The mistake didn’t escape Hans’s eyes either, but seeing the small distress in Henry’s eyes, he decided against commenting on it. Klara finally brought out the wine and cups, allowing their fun to truly begin.
The wine took to Henry fast, blurring his mind with a positive buzz, letting him fully relax.
…
Hans splashed him with the bathwater, and he splashed back, accidentally getting some on Klara who, in turn, slammed her palms on the water, blinding both of them with water to the eyes. Seizing the moment, she jokingly pulled Capon’s head forward, pretending to drown him.

…

Hans was out of the tub, stationed behind Klara as she held his sword forward. He held her arm up, easing the weight on her fragile arm as she swung the sword. Henry stared at them with awe and drunk confusion, as they swung the sword together, nearly taking his eye out.

…

It had started raining outside, Hans was back in the tub with Henry and Klara stood a bit further away, spinning in a beautiful maneuver, putting on a show for the two boys. They both clapped their hands, for a brief moment, looking into each other’s eyes with a mix of strange feelings for one another.

…

Henry couldn’t see anything as he raised his arms up, struggling to balance himself with a giant basket over his head. Klara was observing him at first, laughing at the silly display of, or lack thereof, balance. But then she looked down at Her lord, and saw something unseen before.
His longing gaze stuck on Henry’s shirtless body, with eyes and smile that were filled with nothing but love, pure, unfiltered, clearly not understood by either of the men so far.
Then Henry finally tripped, stumbling right into Hans and falling into the water, both men laughing hysterically as Hans pulled the basket off of Henry’s head, holding him up with his other arm. It took a moment for them to realize how close their faces were, but that moment, just inches apart, holding each other, gazing into each other’s eyes… It was a heavenly second between the two boys.

…

Klara was adding more hot water to the tub as Hans reached out to her, grabbing lightly at her forearm, but she pushed him away in a gentle manner.
“Leave off, Sir Hans, I’m not like the other girls!”
“I know, Klara… you… You are different… You deserve more!”
Henry was slouching, barely keeping himself awake, trying not to drown in the shallow bathtub, enjoying the sensation of his and Hans’s legs being tangled up with each other’s, both too drunk to be bothered about it, even if it caused another bother for Henry…
“HA, Henry! Did you hear that?”
His name being called slightly brought Henry back to the side of the living.
“Wh… What!?”
“The lady requests da-dandelions…ah, sage?... Cabbages!... Haha, no that’s not right!”
“No no! Knotweed and Poppies!”
“Whaaat? You want me to go flower picking, now?”
“I know, I know… I’m putting you to work again. BUT! If you do it… I’ll give you… Squiventy Flozen Groschen!”
“Whoaa, that much? Allright, I’ll go…”
He slowly got out of the tub, barely keeping himself stable as he stepped out into the rain, without even getting dressed, not that any of the drunk three noticed.
As Henry reached a small garden behind upper pirkstein castle, where he knew beautiful flowers grew, he finally sobered up a bit, realising just how fucked up he had gotten, standing in the rain, without a torch or clothes, picking flowers.
“Fuck you Haaans, for wrapping me around your finger so easily!”
He cursed the world, or just a man who was on a track to becoming his whole world, but even in seething rage he automatically made the bouquet beautiful, driven by instinct. Even though Hans was just going to give it to another woman…”
There was a surprising lack of guards in Rattay, due to the storm. Thankfully for Henry, noone saw him strutting around naked with a flower bouquet in his hands.
As he approached the bathhouse, a sneeze escaped his lips while pushing the door open, covering the noise of commotion inside.
“Arse’n’balls!” - That was all Henry heard as the sound of a drowning man filled his head, he looked at the tub where he expected to see Hans’s golden head, instead seeing a random man pushing someone into the water.
“For the love of god, STOP IT, BOTH OF YOU!!!” - Klara yelled out, watching in fear at the 2 men and their silly conflict.
“Fucking hell, what the fuck do you think you’re doing, drowning a nobl,,,”- Henry walked up to the man and pushed him back, but before he could finish his sentence, a fist came straight at his jaw, knocking him back a step and making him drop his bouquet. Henry rubbed his jaw as he saw it, the man stepping on the flowers to approach him, something in his mind, something that had relaxed for a few hours now, woke up, and it was hungry. The man tried to throw another punch at him, but Henry dodged it perfectly, bringing his fist from the underside, uppercutting the man, slightly lifting him into the air and knocking him down.
“Drowning a nobleman! Are you out of your fucking mind?”
The man looked up, staring dazed at Hans before slamming his head onto the ground -”Oh shit.. Oh fuck… Sir, I, I didn’t know…” -he started crawling backwards, fumbling to find some footing.
“Get out of here, GO! Before I remember I could have you hung!”
The man kept apologising as he ran out, Klara running after him, but Henry was captivated by Hans, who, despite all this and being piss drunk, kept his composure. Only for a second though, as he looked up at Henry, a smile running from ear to ear -”I nearly got drowned by Arse’n’balls!”
Neither of them could hold back a laughter straight from the soul, looking at each other, just to keep laughing even longer. Henry leaned onto the bathtub, rubbing his jaw in a slow motion, checking if everything was in place.
“Doesn’t feel nice, does it!” - Henry looked down at his friend, who was pointing at a small scar on his perfect jawline, still smiling like the sun.
“That’s the least relaxing bath I’ve ever had!”
“Fuck, I feel like I swallowed the baltic!” - Hans stuck his tongue out, rubbing it down with his fingers. Henry didn’t mind the view.
‘’Drinking will be the death of you!”
“DAMN RIGHT! Is there any wine left?”
“Are you out of your fucking mind?”- Henry looked at his friend with a face of pure disbelief - “You want to carry on?”
“OF course, don’t tell me you don’t fancy a drink after all that?” - Hans did the same thing that had made Henry panic just a few hours earlier, but this time all Henry felt was…
He chuckled and shook his head, avoiding eye contact with his sun…
“All right you ass, let’s get out of here at least, I’ll grab the rest of the wine and we can keep drinking in my new room.”
“At least buy me dinner first, Henry!”
“Is the wine stealing and flower picking not enough for his lordship?”- Henry looked down with saddened eyes - “the bastard trampled all over them too.”
“I’ll hang that Archibald…” - The statement, so casual, made Henry look over at him with shocked eyes, breaking Hans’s anger -”Nah, I’ll show him that I'm a gracefull leader… That’s the better move, right Henry?”
“Sure, if you say so.”
Hans stepped out of the bathtub, stumbling towards his pile of clothes, staring at it for a few seconds before turning around with a genuine sadness in his eyes, like the world was ending from a simple obstacle.
Henry didn’t need words, didn’t need instructions, he wordlessly went over to Hans, picking up the clothes one by one and helping the drunk noble put them on. As glad as Henry was for the opportunity to be so close to Hans’s half naked body, his morality wouldn’t allow him to enjoy it, closing his eyes as he wrapped the pourpoint over the noble’s arms, buttoning them up. The hose though, tucking the braies into it, kneeled down in front of Hans as the noble stumbled back and forth on his feet. It gave Henry a strange feeling that frightened him a little, barely getting himself under control, knowing he had to be the responsible one here.
…
The noble and his page stumbled across Rattay, a storm pouring down hard over their heads, yet their moods couldn’t be any better at that moment. They went through the empty gate without issue, but when approaching lower Pirkstein castle, Janek, Radzig’s guard from Skalitz, was standing in front of Henry’s new room, looking at the drunk fools with a mix of amusement and annoyance.
“I heard there was some trouble between a noble and one of the guards who work here, you two wouldn’t happen to know anything!?”
Henry looked at him with widened eyes of a puppy in trouble, hoping that the man would take pity on him. Hans however, stopped leaning on Henry for balance and puffed out his chest, like a magnificent peacock trying to seem grand.
“Arse’n’Balls tried to drown a nobleman! He should be thankful he’s not swinging from the gallows already!’’ - Henry nudged him from behind, shaking his head when Hans looked back at him -”Or so we heard, we wouldn’t know!...”
“If you say so your lordship… and that wine your page is holding, it wouldn’t happen to be from the Rathaus? The one under lock and key?” - The man raised his eyebrows and crossed his arms, frightening poor Henry who’d already had a long day. Janek couldn’t hold back a chuckle at the sight of a puffed up noble and his miserable puppy - “Don’t look at me like that Henry! I won’t talk about that suspicious red wine in your hands, but I wanted to warn you two that everyone already knows about your bathhouse fiasco, so be prepared for a Noble lecture tomorrow.”
The man walked off before any of the boys could respond, watching as he disappeared into the castle, they looked into each other's eyes and burst out in laughter again.
“Oh Hanush is going to give us hell tomorrow morning, but I’m sick of this rain Henry, are you going to invite me into your room or not.”
“I didn’t think nobles needed permission to burst into their page’s rooms.”
“They don't… but friends do!” - Hans raised his hands, flicking Henry’s forehead and pushing the door open.
They both stumbled in, realising just how much they were soaking, dripping onto the wooden floor. Henry went to start the fireplace, throwing in firewood and sparking flames with the flint and steel left on the table by someone, probably Janek, he often did look out for Henry, even back in Skalitz. When the fire started going he turned around and saw Hans shivering in the same spot where he left him, gaze frozen on Henry.
“What’s wrong Hans? Are you alright?” - Henry rushed to his side, holding the Noble’s arms with his hands, trying to get a hold of him.
“Sorry, I… I just sobered up, I think… I feel dizzy Henry, could you help me… Please…”
Henry didn’t need any more convincing, leading Hans to a chair and helping him strip down to his braies. This time, worry overtook any other feeling he could’ve gotten, like earlier… He handed his only blanket to Hans, letting him wrap himself and warm up while Henry hung up the fancy clothes to let them dry. Hans still looked dizzy, a little scared of something even…
Henry stripped himself, hanging his clothes beside Hans’s. He went over to his closet, bringing out the new sets he had bought Just earlier that morning.
He helped Hans get dressed first, slipping the blue tunic over the noble’s head, watching him try and put his arms through the sleeves, still looking unfocused, like he was barely holding himself together.
Henry turned to put on his dark tunic when Hans finally spoke up - “Thank you… Henry… and I’m sorry, small spaces like this, especially while there’s a storm outside tend to freak me out, I guess I forgot about it because of the alcohol…”
Henry knelt down in front of him, grabbing Hans’s hands with his own, hoping, praying to ground his friend to the earth, to shield him from the fear like Hans had down for him before. Hans steadied his breathing, looking down at Henry with focused eyes and, finally, smiled. A warm smile that came from the core of his being, grateful for having such a great friend.
“Can I stay here for the night, I’d rather not get wet again.”
“Sure if you don’t mind the straw bed, it won’t be nearly as comfortable as your glorious mattress!”
“Oh my noble arse will get over it, I’ve probably slept in a forest more than you have, peasant!”
Henry set down 2 cups on the table, pouring some of the remaining wine in it. Hans wordlessly gulped it down before holding out his cup for more, and Henry wasn’t going to deny him anything that night…
After downing a few drinks, Hans’s shoulders finally relaxed, easing his fear. He looked up at Henry, who was sitting opposite of him, shuffling awkwardly in his seat, unsure of what to do now.
“Henry… Do you want to be my squire?”
“Huh? Where did that come from?”
“I’ve already decided on it since you saved me from those Cuman’s, and I got permission from Radzig this morning at the meeting…”
“Was that the surprise you forgot about earlier after I brought the wine?”
“Mayyybeee… Hanush pissed me off in that meeting so bad I kept forgetting everything else today, then I couldn’t even relie… Never mind that, I’m telling you now aren’t I?”
Henry was stunned, he didn’t expect this, not just from Hans, but from anyone. Did he even deserve it, after what happened with Runt… Just keep moving forward, right?
“I’d be honored Sir Hans!”
Hans looked at him with satisfied eyes before gulping down another cup of wine.
“Our first order of business, my dear squire, will be to get scolded by Hanush together tomorrow!”
“Ah, right. Well, it could be worse… Thank you by the way, for sparing Archibald…”
“Arse’n’Balls!” - He declared loudly before bursting out in laughter again, looking at Henry while tilting his head again, which made Henry’s face furrow for a second before he spoke up.
“Hans… please, stop looking at me like that… It reminds me of that bastard of a bandit leader…”
“Oh? How so?”
“He looked at me the same way you keep doing, like you’re looking into my soul, slipping past all my defenses.”
“Is that why you panicked in the middle of the street earlier today?”
“Aye.”
“And that bastard’s already ruined a lot for you, hasn’t he.”
“Aye…”
“Then don’t let him ruin you even more Henry!” - He reached forward, placing a hand on Henry’s shoulder before bringing it up, gently holding the boy’s chin, his stubble poking at Hans’s hand. The gesture made Henry surprisingly calm, instead of nervous like it would’ve otherwise.

The fire crackled softly as rain lashed against the windows, the storm outside forgotten in the warmth of the room. Hans leaned back in his chair, a crooked grin on his face, swirling the last of his wine. Henry chuckled at something neither of them would remember tomorrow, his shoulders relaxed for once. They didn’t need words, just the comfort of each other's presence, the quiet laughter, and the shared stillness that made the world, for a little while, feel far away.

On the table, sat a vase filled with small flowers, blue with golden center and white streaks, forget-me-not. Henry couldn’t give it to Hans, not yet. But there they were, between the two of them, nestled in silence. A quiet symbol of all that remained unspoken—a promise not voiced, a love that couldn’t be returned, couldn’t be shared, yet existed all the same.
Real.
Undeniable.

Notes:

Between exam prep, summer heat and food poisoning, I should've split up this chapter 3 times, but something about this chapter felt special to me. As much as I'd like to make them kiss in the bath's, I dont want to, not yet. I want to focus on their small moments, a more slice of life overview of kcd and beyond which often feels missing for me when reading other fics. <3 It is 2 am now and I shall pass away, I didn't see any big gramatical errors while rereading twice and I hope it wasn't just my brain filtering them out, thank you for reading :D

Chapter 7: So timid, yet so violent

Summary:

Their first mission together, except Henry's acting strange.

Sun rose too soon over the damp earth, grass still wet from a storm recently passed, reflecting the light.. A beam of light shone through the window, illuminating 2 young fools, laid entangled with each other on a straw bed, getting the best rest they have had in weeks.
Henry was the first to flutter his long eyelashes at the smell of morning, slowly waking up his body to a foreign feeling of warmth all around him. His right arm was numb, stuck under the weight of something, golden hair was strewn around on his throat, slow breathing warming his chest…
He had to focus his entire being to not jump from the shock of realization. Hans was snuggled tight against his chest, using his arm as a pillow and sleeping peacefully.Henry did his best to think back, to remember how they ended up here, the last thing he recalled was the way Hans touched his chin…
Henry’s blood rushed to his head in panic, turning his cheeks and pointy ears bright red. Thankfully he was on the side that faced the room, not the wall, so all he had to do was sneak away from Hans without waking him up… Simple enough, he just had to be careful, observant, no matter how much he wanted to stay in the comfort of the moment. He went to move his body, but felt another crucial fact he missed. Hans had his right arm wrapped around Henry’s waist, grounding the poor squire with its weight.
It was all too much for Henry, the closeness, the contact, skin to skin, bare to the world, not even covered by a blanket…
He looked around, grasping at straws for help before finally giving up, instead relaxing into the embrace of his friend, what else could he do after all. He pulled his head away just enough to bring Hans’s resting face into view. Even in sleep he was handsome, beautiful, noble…
Luckily for them, there was no movement outside, the world still asleep, no risk of anyone peeking through the windows and spotting the two fools, stuck together.
Henry was busy coming up with how to avoid an awkward situation with Hans, hoping to maintain any semblance of friendship after such a seemingly debauched night, even if nothing had happened… Or had it? He couldn’t be sure, after all he didn’t even remember how their conversation ended, just the touch, the crooked smile, the flowers…
A loud sneeze escaped his throat, startling even him, making his body jump in spot.
“Shit…”
Hans slowly opened his eyes and sat up on the bed, finally removing his restraint over Henry’s body, a slow yawn escaping his lips before looking down at Henry, who was red as a tomato…
“What’s happened to you, you don’t have a fever do you?”
Henry kept looking at him with widened eyes, shocked at Hans’s casual approach at their closeness.
“I, uh, I’m not sure I feel too well, but I’ll… I’ll be fine…” - He took an awkward pause before pulling his legs over the edge of the bed, facing away from Hans to avoid the noble’s curious gaze. - “I was just surprised to wake up in… Y’know…”
“Oh! you don’t remember do you?” - Henry turned his reddened head at lightning speed, only to be met by a mischievous grin - “You got proper shitfaced real fast last night, I could barely move you to bed. Left me no energy to do anything so i just fell right beside you…”
“That’s all?”
“That's all.”
Henry finally exhaled the troubles from his mind, calming down a little, just a tinge disappointed.
“I thought that… Never mind that, we should probably prepare for the scolding that awaits us from Hanush…”
“Oh don’t remind me, I can’t wait to hear what wisdom he’ll impart on us this time.”
Just as he said that, a knock could be heard on the door, Janek's voice slipping through the cracks of the door - “Henry, wake up and find your Capon, Hanush calls for you two!”
Both stayed quiet for a moment, listening to Janek’s footsteps fade out into the world before chuckling.
Hans took a quick look at Henry, still dressed in his new outfit, damp with sweat and yesterday’s rain. As enjoyable as the sight was, his squire would require proper clothing to present before Hanush. Henry was shorter than Hans, but not by much, their sizes only really differentiating in their shoulders.
“We’ll go to my room first, I have some older clothes I can lend you to make yourself presentable for Hanush.”
Henry looked at him in confusion, looking over his clothes, fine enough for his tastes - “Won’t this be good enough?”
“Oh my dear Henry, you’re my squire now, I can’t have you in such a miserable state while presenting to nobles!”
Hans slowly rose to his feet, flicking Henry who still stood at the edge of the bed with a confused expression. He took down his pourpoint and hose from the hanger in the room, just for the short trip to his room.
“Why do you nobles even care so much about how you look?”
“Don’t you? Think about it in a different way… Nobles’ job, nobles’ duties are to present their people with hope, peace of mind, that the best of them are doing, well, their best. That means we must always be presentable, even if just for a minute’s walk.”
“It must be exhausting…” -Hans barely caught Henry’s mumbling, his mind darkening for a second in agreement, but he shook them off.
“It is.”- His statement was plain, but the weight behind it was invisible to most people…
Henry wasn’t most people, he grasped Capon’s gentle hand with his own, covered in bruises, raising them to the height of their chests.
“You… You don’t have to pretend… at least not for me, I hope you know that…”
“I… I do, Hal, thank you.”
Neither of them minded this moment, their true feelings slipping into reality for a second before slipping back into the corners of their mind again, never to be mentioned. Just two lost souls, plagued by melancholy, whose hands touched in darkness, and in light, pretend it never happened…

…

Henry looked great in Hans’s old clothes. The folds fit his frame quite well, showing off his lean build, even though they were a bit long for the blacksmith. Hans was shocked by the transformation, even if simple, still quite effective, with just a bit of care for his stubble, growing into a messy beard and unruly hair, Henry could look like a real noble.
“I’m glad you got dressed up properly, Henry. Clothes make the man! And in your case it’s quite the transformation!”
Hans opened his closet, taking out a red cloth that was all too familiar for Henry.
“My scarf? I thought I’d lost it!” - His voice was happy, with a hint of relief, making Hans’s heart smile.
“You wrapped my head with it to stop the bleeding, remember?… I had the servants wash it immediately before giving it back to you…” - a small lie, mixed in with the truth -”But after everything that happened, I forgot to give it back, so my apologies.”
Henry didn’t pick up on Hans’s shallow half-truths, grinning at the scarf, one of the last reminders of his Ma before turning to Capon -”I’m just glad it's alright… Thank you, Hans...”
He slowly wrapped it around his neck, even though it was a heated morning, even though it ruined his noble look, it still felt like his parents watched over him, their presence close, enabling Henry to fight through any inconveniences of it.
…
The noble and his squire walked up the streets of Rattay, to the upper castle, dragging their feet. Henry stayed just a step behind Hans at all times, considering protecting his lord as part of his duties as a squire. Hans chuckled at the concept, but still allowed it, enjoying the constant attention from his friend. The town had just started to wake up, the shop doors getting unlocked, the signs getting flipped, a criminal crouching over in a pillory and a sleepy guard watching over him… A smell of freshly baked bread and cooked meat hit their noses, making Henry’s stomach grumble.
“I feel quite hungry… Sir Hans, could we stop at the tavern and have a bite to eat? It’s still early and I doubt Hanush will want to see us quite this soon…”
“Now I’m “Sir Hans” when you want food, eh?” - the young lord smirked at his squire, who looked at him with saddened eyes, as if trying to gain pity from his lord, and it was working -”Fiine, I wouldn’t say no to a bit of beer as well, this hangover is going to kill me if Hanush starts yelling.”

They stepped into the tavern’s yard, the owner looking up in surprise that there were clients so early and scrunching his face in annoyance when he saw the two troublemakers that started a fight there not too long ago. Hans raised his eyebrows at the owner before falling into his easy, charming smile, ordering a pitcher of beer and simple soup, but Henry ordered a lot more: meat, bread, cheese, salad, beer…
“What’s got you so hungry in the morning?”
“I’m not sure, my appetite had died down a lot after, you know… But I always was a heavy eater before. I guess it’s come back after finally relaxing last night…”
“I see, well you’re going to have to be quick with it, I don’t want to make Hanush wait too long, I’m sure he’s already counting all the excuses to yell at me with excitement…”
The dread in his voice was clear, making Henry think back on Hans’s behaviour, back in the same spot where they now sat, getting scolded by Hanush. Hans looked like he wanted to speak up, fight back, shaking in anger, yet still stayed quiet as a mouse, lowered his head, silenced by a gripping fear that didn’t come out of nowhere, nested deep inside Han’s heart.
Henry hated that sight, watching Hans lose his voice in the presence of unfair judgement, declaring quietly to himself that he would stand up for his… friend.
Henry swiftly inhaled his food, nearly choking until he followed it up with the beer. Finally, his mind seemed calm, happy, a rare occasion lately but his body felt tired, not in the way he had gotten used to in the last month. it was deeper, down to his bones, slumping his posture, weakening his muscles. They walked the rest of the way to the upper castle in silence, dreadfully going up the stair’s to Hanush’s office. Hans went in before Henry, standing in front of a table Hanush sat at, straightening his posture and putting on a charming smile, Henry followed him, standing just a step behind Hans, lowering his head in hopes of softening Hanush’s judgement.
“Well… My ward and his, what shall we say… Chaperone?”
“My squire, Uncle.”
“My lord…” - Henry bowed his head, avoiding his eyes from the rather displeasing man.
“I hope I haven’t dragged you away from anything too important?” - Hanush rose to his feet and started walking slowly, heavily towards the troublemakers.
“Not at all, uncle, we were just…” - He was cut off before he could finish his sentence, unsurprisingly.
“Like BOOZING and WHORING, for instance?”
“Uncle, I can expl…”
Hanush put both of his arms around Hans and Henry, pulling their ears closer to his ears before speaking loudly - “Perhaps you were busy causing mayhem in the middle of the night and beating up my subjects?”
“No, we weren’t, Henry and I were just…”
“Henry’s as big of a fool as you are! But he’s not my ward, thank christ!” - he slurred his words, spit flying out of his mouth and landing on Henry, making him shiver in his spot for a split second -”What the hell do the pair of you think you’re doing? There are people in this fiefdom who work from dawn to dusk to put food on their tables, and yours, may I remind you?!” - He pointed his finger at Hans, just an inch away from the young noble’s nose - “and then they look at you, Hans, their lord and master, and see a drunken layabout!”
Henry was about to speak up, to argue for their innocence, that it wasn’t their fault, but Hans slapped his arm a split second before the words left his throat. Hans didn’t turn around, he didn’t have to, he knew Henry would try to stand up for him, that it would be pointless to argue against someone like Hanush. He shook his head very slightly, only enough for Henry’s observant gaze to see it while Hanush kept going on and on and on…
Henry zoned out, avoiding the unpleasant noble’s venomous stares and remarks, steadying his eyes on Capon’s back, golden like the sun that felt like everything would be fine as long as he followed it.
“A lord remains a lord only as long as he commands the loyalty of his subjects, and im sure I don’t have to tell you the folk here are not exactly enchanted at the prospect of having you in charge!”
Capon’s eyes were darkened, the light seemingly gone from his vision, he wanted to say so many things, how it was hanush’s fault for treating him like a kid, for supporting the rumours of Hans’s abd behaviour and burying any achievement under more insults, how he never actually taught Hans anything, how…
The list was endless, but his tongue was tied, as much as arse’n’balls had pissed him off, Hans wasn’t exactly a beacon of good behaviour in that moment of drunkenness… and yearning…
“I have a mission for you two. Maybe THAT will keep you out of trouble.”
Henry’s ears perked up, duty taking priority over his inner turmoils.
“Sir Milota of Oleshna has turned up around here. Do you know him?”
“Isn’t he Sir Bernard’s cousin?”
“He is. He came here with the remnants of his retinue to seek refuge. He’s seriously wounded.”
“What happened to him?”
“His fortress, Oleshna, was attacked by one Wolflin of Kamberg. Milota pursued him almost as far as Neuhoff, and engaged him, but unfortunately for him though, the skirmish didn’t end in his favour.”
“Wolflin of Kamberg? I know that name…”
“He’s kin to the Oleshna lord, a cousin of Bernard and Milota. Their family business is quite complicated and not my problem, of course… I just wish they’d found somewhere else to thrash out their differences.”
“What do you want us to do, sir?”
“Go and see Bernard, he’s putting together a squad to ride against them. They just scavenged some other small farms around the region, after all, not that you’d know, Hans… Mind your step though, It’s a family affair, there might be more to it than meets the eye. The important thing is to get that damned scavenger out of my domain, I don’t want to lose any men over this conflict. Have I made myself clear?”
“Yes, sir.”
“Very well uncle.”
They stepped out of the meeting room with heavy hearts, caused by different circumstances. Walking down the stairs, Henry followed a step behind Hans, feeling the tension exuding from the young noble's body. They walked out into the still empty yard before Henry spoke up.
“How do you feel Hans, I could see Hanush got to you in there…”
“I’m fine Henry, and you don’t need to try and stand up for me you know, I’d rather be the one in trouble then watch you get lectured for talking back to a noble.”
“Right, I just thought…”
“No, you did not. Don’t forget, Henry, dealing with nobles is a game that you don’t want to play, you’d be better off just nodding along and exiting silently…”
“That doesn’t seem to work for you.”
“Excuse me?”
“It’s like you lose all your confidence and charm when that man starts raising his voice at you. You’re a great man Hans, so what if he doesn’t see it?”
“So what? He holds my entire reason for existence in his palms, if he decides to, he can just cast dirt onto my name and leave me with nothing…”
“You’re more than just your inheritance though.”
“Am I?”
The tension could be cut with a knife between the two friends. Neither of them were in the wrong and they knew it, which made it hurt all the more. Hans placed his hand on Henry’s shoulder, easing the tension with something… more.
“It’ll be simple, we’ll ride there, hack those bastards to pieces and Hanush will leave me alone for a bit at least.”
Henry’s mouth dried at the mention of blood, the strange exhaustion had crept its way into his mind, hazing his mind a bit.
“But Hanush… Can’t we do it without bloodshed? I don't wa…”
“It will be fine, Henry, we can try negotiating, but those people, the things I’ve read about them, the things I’ve heard about them. If we don’t strike first, they’ll be a formidable opponent.”
Henry nodded, trying his best to trust his friend, his teacher, but the rotten feeling in his soul lashing inside him, demanding blood.… It had been tame for a day because of Hans’s help, but it was awake again, terrifying Henry of himself…
…
Bernard and Capon rode ahead of the rest of the company, discussing politics that Henry couldn’t keep up with, not that he cared much. His headache had gotten worse, feeling like his brain was being shaken in his skull with every step of the horse. His usual potions stashed away in Pebbles’ saddlebag didn’t help, making the aching inside his skull even worse.
They made camp in the middle of the woods, near the 2 farms that reportedly got razed by their target. After Henry got down from the saddle, his body slumped for a second, nearly falling over, but Hans had caught him, staring into his squire’s blue eyes that were a little clouded, his cheeks still looked flushed, the tips of his ears, hidden by the helmet, burnt red
Before Hans could point any of them out, Henry broke away from the noble’s hold, running over to Bernard and offering to ask around the raided farms about the location of the bandits. Hans stared daggers into his back, trying to read what Henry was hiding, a few ideas already plaguing his mind.
He watched Henry run off before he could say anything. Hans wanted to chase after him, to look after his squire, but Bernard held him back, wanting to have a word about Henry.
“That lad, what do you think about him, Sir Hans?
“What Henry? He’s a nice guy, but he’s quite the downer at moments isn’t he.”
“Not like that, Sir, I meant in terms of fighting. You’ve traded blows with him before, right?”
“Only during that day when he learnt to wield the bow, and then later at the tavern… Why do you ask?”
“He’s a strange boy, seemingly so timid of violence, yet he took down that giant bandit leader on his own, without as much as a scratch on him… And what he did after, Robard said he hadn’t seen anything quite so… violent.”
“Who, Henry? The guy who I just saved from falling over just randomly? The peasant that couldn’t even hold against me for more than 4 swings?”
“He learns fast, you know that as well, after all that day at the archery range…
“I told you my arm had grown heavy that day! Just get to your point, Sir Bernard.”
“Just watch your back around him Sir, he’s not quite as harmless as he looks.”
Hans didn’t answer, still mulling over the mysterious incident with Henry and that giant, everyone avoided the details, just reacting like it was the worst thing they had heard of… When he ambushed Henry in that field, he seemed strange, like he wasn’t himself, almost like sleepwalking, but not quite. Like the world moved him, and his body simply followed, unreactive to his surroundings until it was too late.
“That bastard’s hiding something from me.”
He mumbled to himself before sitting down in an empty corner of camp. Henry was already long gone and there was no point in chasing him down now, he would come back to tell them about the camp’s location anyway.
Or would he?
Henry was a little too eager, despite his weakened state. A little too fast at leaving for such a menial task. A thought popped into Hans’s mind, making him sigh in annoyance before getting up.
He’s going to try and talk to them.
That FOOL!
Hans knew where the two farms that needed questioning were, he always reads the reports and objectives after all. He saw Henry leave for the closest farm first, so Hans just had to wait at the next one. He wanted to be wrong, for his doubts to be fruitless, that Henry wouldn’t act foolishly, selfishly, selflessly, but he had to make sure before things escalated.
His hunch was correct, he only had to blend into the bushes near the second farm for a few minutes before Henry showed up, nearly falling off his horse before rushing inside. Hans got in close, hiding in the shadows of a wall facing the forest, listening in on the conversation between Henry and a peasant through the window.
He heard it all.
Henry was threatening them, not just with weapons, but with words. The peasants begged to be spared as they uttered the locations where the bandit’s were holed up. Hans didn’t move, couldn’t move, watching closely as Henry stepped out of the house, going up to pebbles, wiping something: blood? Sweat? Tears? from his face, Hans couldn’t tell from the distance… and slapping his cheeks with his open palms, as if trying to regain control.
…
Hans warned Bernard of the target location, but he needed a few minutes to get the men ready, minutes Hans couldn’t wait out if he wanted to look after Henry. He got on his Horse, going as fast as he could through the jagged forest, blind to the beauty of nature, with his squire being the only thing on his mind.
“If that fool dies there I’ll kill him!”
He approached a steep hillside, granting him a perfect view of an abandoned camp, recently reinhabited. He got off his horse and approached the edge while grabbing his weapon. Looking over, everything was clear… About 15 men total, three standing at the entrance to the camp, two walking outside towards Henry. The blacksmith held his hands up, speaking in a loud voice, but Hans still couldn’t make out the words.
…
Henry wanted to go in without violence, willing even to surrender and talk things through with their target, anything to avoid bloodshed. As two men approached him to take him, something felt wrong, the way their leader stared at him from the gate, not a hint of mercy, hardened by hardship, dead inside. One of the men sent to retrieve Henry grabbed his shoulder, squeezing it tightly, making Henry’s blood run cold.
An arrow sunk into the man’s temple.
Swift, quiet, sudden.
The grip on Henry’s shoulder loosened as the other man looked at him in confusion for a second, reacting too slowly as Henry drew his longsword, slicing his target’s throat within the same motion.
An arrow grazed past Henry’s visor, another one hit his breastplate, reflecting off the armor and sinking into the ground.
Another arrow flew down from the Heavens, bright with fire, setting one of the tents inside the encampment aflame.
“HENRY! RUN!”
Capon’s voice echoed in Henry’s shaking mind as he turned on his heels, sprinting into the jagged forest, ignoring all the scratches on his body, all the branches caught on his armor or smacking his helmet. He could hear from behind that at least two men followed close behind, close to catching up. Henry had no other choice but to stand and fight, turning around to see not two, but four bandits on his tail. Half of them were a little further behind the first two. Henry stood his ground, refusing to run away again.
One of the two bandit’s close behind him ran in a half circle around him, trying to position out of Henry’s sight. The blacksmith struggled to follow the bandit’s movements as the second one rushed in close. An overhead swing, heavy with anger, but also experience. He was no ordinary bandit, with a clear history of violence behind him. Henry dodged to the right, bringing his sword up from below to parry and counter the man in the same motion, only slicing at his chainmail instead. Henry wanted to look backwards, to find the second bandit that was getting advantage on him, but before he could locate him, he heard a loud thud from behind, making the enemy in front of him freeze for no more than a second.
A second was all Henry needed as he drove his sword into the man’s throat, staring in his fading eyes before dragging his blade out. He looked behind him for a second before the other two had caught up to him, seeing Hans standing over a body with an arrow sunk in his back.
Henry smiled.
Hans didn’t smile back.
He drew his bow, flying an arrow past Henry’s tired body, hitting one of the bandits in the shoulder. He took out his sword, discarding his bow to the ground and rushed towards Henry, where the battlefield was about to merge.
“GET YOURSELF TOGETHER HENRY!” - He yelled out before blocking a mace from the uninjured bandit. Henry looked in awe for a second, at his saviour, his friend, his knight…
His body moved without thinking, taking over all of Henry’s senses, once again making him feel like he was watching himself fight from another perspective.
Henry drew his secondary weapon, an axe, short, sharp, agile. Just a swing was all he needed to take down the injured enemy, leaving the axe in his opened skull and drawing his sword again. It was two on one now, finally in their favor, or so he hoped. The ground was shaking again, reminding Henry of Skalitz, of that fateful day where his life ended…
Hans was pushed by the bandit.
Hans failed to block the combo.
Hans was dropped to the ground.
Hans was about to die.
Henry could feel the control come back to his body, a moment of shock, dropping his sword. A guttural scream escaped his throat as he tackled the bandit standing over Hans’s fallen body, about to sink a blade into the noble. Henry got on top of the bandit, holding the man’s hands pinned down with his arms. The man fought, struggled, spat against Henry before getting hit in the face, by Henry’s face.
Henry slammed his helmet into the man.
Then he slammed it again.
He felt the arms under his restraint lose strength.
He clasped his arms together, raising them to the highest he could before he brought them down.
Over.
And over.
And over.
A voice escaped his lips, something between a laugh and a scream, like he couldn’t believe what he was doing.
Like he knew exactly what he was doing.
The resistance against his hand’s grew closer to nonexistent with each swing, yet he didn’t stop. He couldn’t stop, until he was sure the enemy was dead.
A gentle hand touched his shoulder, breaking Henry out of his trance, finally letting him stop. Hans was safe, for now… He could feel the ground shake, enemies and allies approached from both sides, but he didn’t care anymore, as long as Hans was alive, next to him. His head pulsed heavily, his brain felt like it was trying to slam itself outside of his skull. A heat he wasn’t aware of took over his body, dulling his senses, forcing his eyes to close. A chill ran down his spine as he lost his balance while still seated on his victim, falling forward, his eyes freezing on the broken corpse.
“HENRY! WHAT’S WRONG, WAKE UP!”
The entire face was bloodied, nose pushed inside the face, eye fallen out of its socket. Entirety of the debauchery was covered in bloody red, the last color Henry saw as he lost consciousness.

…

Henry’s vision was darkened with bloody red.
The same nightmare played out again. He slayed the same cumans, failed to save the same people. He dropped his sword, but when he tried reaching for it, his hand just went through the weapon. He tried his best, squeezed and squeezed the air, the illusion, unable to discern between the two.
Something clutched back at his hand as a warm light of golden yellow poured into his vision. The colours spilled onto the world, painting it back to life. It did not restore the ruined vision of Skalitz, instead painting over it, over the ruined memories, the bloody past. A yellow bird flew past Henry’s head, bringing a soft breeze with it, carrying the leaves of a linden tree. Henry clutched back at the warm feeling in his arm, unspoken, unseen, but still there, still real.
He walked up the small hilltop, to the shade provided by the grand tree.
Henry sunk into the grass, taking in the smell of fresh flowers, the smell of home…
“You know the trouble of adventurer’s life son? It’s that it could end so quickly. I could teach you how to use a sword, but you can get shot by a crossbow the moment you step a foot out of your house.”
Henry sighed, leaning onto the ground before raising his body.
“An arrow did sink into me when I was running from Skalitz… Didn’t seem to end me.”
“How is it? That adventurous life you’ve always dreamed of.”
“I don’t know. Not what I expected, not what I hoped.”
“I told you.”
“Like you would understand!”
“I do, maybe not quite the same reason as you, but that feeling of wanting to leave your home, you’re not the only one cursed with such a thing.”
“You… You’re not even real…”
“Maybe. Maybe you should take it at face value instead of overthinking it.”
“I miss you, I miss ma. But I don’t miss who I was before.”
“And what about now?”
“I don’t know what I am now.”
“How about what you will be?”
Henry finally looked at his father’s eyes, cold, lifeless, but still there, a figment of his nightmares and dreams perhaps, or something more.
“I want to avenge you guys, I have to!”
“You don’t HAVE to do anything. The choice is yours son, It’s up to you what you dedicate yourself to and I’m sure you’ll work it out.”
“Why? If you’re not just a part of my hallucinations, why don’t you condemn me! You know what I am, what I want to become.”
“You’re our son.”
Words that Henry always dreamed of hearing.
Words that Henry never received.
He wanted to talk again, to scream, to cry, to beg, to ask, but his dreams weren’t quite so gracious.
He opened his eyes to darkness, barely anything visible at first, but his hand felt it. A gentle touch, a firm hold. His eyes finally got used to the darkness, making out a frame of a slim noble, sitting on a chair next to Henry’s bed, head lolled to the side with his eyes closed.
Henry wanted to touch his golden hair, as if to feel the realness of the moment, but he didn’t need to. Long fingers grasped his rough Hands, keeping them in place, steadying Henry, grounding him to reality, to comfort, to safety.
Exhaustion took Henry soon after, but this time, he didn’t need nightmares to torment him, dreams to comfort him, because Hans was there, with him, and he didn’t plan on letting go.

Notes:

I started slipping into 10k word count again so I had to cut the chapter halfway. I'm sorry if it ends feeling rushed/cutoff, the moment will continue next chapter. Thank you for reading <3

Chapter 8: Jealousy is an ugly emotion

Summary:

Henry wakes up to Hans and Theresa watching over him. The young noble is quite pissed at Henry's recklessness.

Notes:

This one took too long, usually I'm the one projecting onto this fic but Henry projected his fever back at me this week D:

“Wake up Hal, it’s past sunrise!”
Henry felt thin cloth, drenched in water wrap around his forehead. He slowly opened his eyes, adjusting them to the light before looking sideways at the familiar room. He was back home, in his new room, to safety.
“Finally you’re awake, you fool!”
Hans’s voice echoed through the room, startling Henry with the hint of anger in his tone. He finally focused his eyes to make out Theresa standing over him, pouring water into a cup and passing it to Henry. Behind her, Hans sat on a stool, arms crossed, puffed up in exhaustion and built up anger, seemingly towards Henry.
“Wha-what happened?”
“You are asking me? I’ll tell you what happened! You disobeyed my orders, went behind our backs, threatened my subjects, almost got yourself captured for nothing and to top it all off, you hid your illness from me during the entire mission!”
“Illness?”
“YES, illness, I wish I had a mirror with me to show you how fucked up you look right now. What if I wasn’t there to save you, huh? You passed out after kil… after defeating that bandit!”
The mere mention of the moment made the last moments of his consciousness flash before Henry’s eyes: His panic, his anger, his screams as he beat the bandit to death barehanded… Luckily Theresa had a bucket ready for him as he emptied his stomach, Hans winced at the sight and turned his gaze while Theresa held Henry’s head up.
“I’ve got to report to Hanush, I could hear him yelling outside earlier while looking for us, but I ignored him for the moment…” - he looked up at Henry, not mentioning the night, not with words, but their exchanged glance spoke of it all, silently, hidden from the world.
“Wait, Hans please, I’m sor…”
“Save it for later, get your strength back and head clear first, I’ll be back soon alright?”
He closed the door behind him without looking back at Henry, maybe in anger, maybe to hide his face, Henry could only dream of knowing after all. Theresa put the filthy bucket away before sitting down next to Henry.
“That lord of yours sure is something.”
“He’s mad that I fucked up…”
“He’s mad that you acted stupidly and risked your neck, also something about lying, I didn’t pay much attention to his rambling.”
“I see…”
“Do you? I somehow doubt it.” - She looked at Henry with the eerily familiar grin, a knowing smile - “He was here all night you know… I had decided to visit you this morning when I found him…”
“I know…”
“And?”
“I don’t know.”
“Uh-huh.”
“Forget about that, I have to…”
“You have to stay in bed and rest for the day Hal, you're still burning up!”
Henry finally calmed down and paid attention to his body’s protests, feeling the blood running hot in his body, his head still aching in excruciating pain, replacing all the worry and surprise with a feeling of nausea.
“I’ve got a fever?”
“You just figured that out? My god Hal that lord really is making you lose your mind!”
“Well this explains a lot… How did I not even realize, it was the most common thing me and ma treated in the village.”
Theresa didn’t respond, humming to herself as she drenched another piece of cloth in water, rubbing down Henry’s sweaty body to cool it down.
“You’re surprisingly uninjured for someone who fought while ill.”
“I don’t remember much of it, just the end…”
“You saved Capon.”
“That’s not what he thinks.”
“Isn’t it? Do you think he’s this mad because you risked the mission? “
“He should be.”
“NO! By god you’re a fool sometimes, he’s mad that you put yourself in danger.”
“Why would he care…”
“Just ask him!”
As she said that, she pointed towards the view through the window, the sight of a confident man dressed in bright colours slipping through the space. Henry couldn’t help but smile, even though he was nervous. Theresa got up before he could register her intentions, heading towards the door.
“I’ll buy you some medicine, I don't think there's anything useful left in your big chest of medicine back at the mill. You’re going to have to spend a day brewing again.”
Theresa pushed the door open, maybe by accident, right as Hans approached it, nearly bumping into him. She gave him a reassuring smile - “I’ve brought him to his senses a bit, you can go all out on him.”
“Oh trust me, miss Theresa, I fully plan to.” - He shut the door with more force than necessary, flipping the lock before turning to Henry.
“I managed to escape an earful from Hanush since none of our men were lost during that God's damned mission, but that’s bad news for you because you’ve made me angrier than he has for once!”
“Hans I…” - Henry tried to speak up, but Hans pressed his finger against his lips, shutting him up on the spot.
“I’m going to ask you, and you’re going to answer, truthfully, got it?”
“I… Aye.”
“What happened with that Runt?”
“Nothing…”
“Don’t bullshit me Henry, I’m not in the mood!”
“And what do you want me to say Hans? That I caught him alone? That I didn’t even struggle against him!? That I… That I smashed his head to the ground, until… until…”
“Why hide it from me?”
“It’s not a thing I want to remember… I’m not proud of myself for what I did there.”
“Because you lost control?”
“Because I didn’t.”
Hans’ eyes widened at the statement, not expecting a confession to such violence so easily out of Henry, but he appreciated the honesty, softening his expression.
“Did you know you were sick?”
“Not really.”
“Why did you threaten those peasants at the farm?”
“How did you… I don’t know, they kept lying to me, I got mad… I keep losing myself when I get angry, like I’m watching someone else commit the horrible things I’ve done, but I know it’s me, a part of me that’s as real as anything else.”
“Even in combat?”
“Most of the time, aye.”
“When you saved me back there…”
“It was me.”
“I see…”
Hans sighed, rubbing his face with his hand, as if trying to wake himself up before looking back at his miserable squire.
“You bastard, can’t even stay mad at you!”
“What happened after, you know…”
“Luckily for you, I told Bernard the location of their camp before rushing to you. When you passed out, the bandits were close, but so were our men. You and I took out a third of their forces, so Bernard and his men easily handled the rest.”
“Are you alright?”
“What do you mean?”
“You, you almost, you know?”
“Died? But I’m still here, so I’m not going to worry my head about it more than I need to, after all, I had a bigger problem at the time!”
“Right… Sorry.”
Both of them ran out of words, despite having so much to say to each other. The silence stretched, but the tension, the worry, the relief hung heavy in the air. Hans stared at Henry with a tilted head, like he so often did, quietly observing Henry, who smiled at him with delirium in his eyes, redness all over his face making him blend perfectly with his precious scarf.

A cough escaped Henry’s throat, rough, scratching his throat on the way out. Hans didn’t need a request, immediately handing Henry a warm cup of water, watching his squire gulp it down in an instant. He went back to his brooding, watching Henry slide further down into the bed, covering his cold yet hot body with a blanket. Henry closed his eyes, letting his body rest in the comfort of companionship that he never quite got to experience before meeting Hans.

…
Theresa gently opened the door, seeing a familiar scene she wasn’t supposed to see for the second time that morning. Henry sleeping peacefully, sweating into his blanket and Hans holding his hand, barely keeping himself awake. He flinched at the sound of her footsteps, swiftly letting go of Henry’s hand and turning on the chair to face Theresa, acting like nothing was happening.
“I see he’s fallen asleep again, you didn’t scold him too hard did you?”
“How could I when he looks at me with those wet puppy eyes of his… I can’t bring myself to stay mad at him.”
Theresa sat down two satchels on the desk, walking over to the bed and standing next to Hans.
“He always worries for everyone, I’m glad he has you to worry over him.”
“Someone has to, god knows he isn’t.”
“Can you be truthful with me Sir Hans?”
“Sir? What brought this on… Sure, I’ll try.”
“What do you think of him?”
“Did he put you up to this? Is he secretly awake waiting for my praises?” - He jokingly pressed a finger into Henry’s burning hot cheek, pulling it back with regret, hoping he hadn’t woken the poor squire.
“It’s just… I don’t often see noble’s care this much for us peasants. I’ve got enough troubles myself, so I can’t properly worry over Henry like I want to…”
“I see, you want to know if I’m good enough?”
“You could say that.”
“Well, this damned peasant burst into a meeting of nobles after embarrassing himself, yet somehow got promoted. He beat me, a noble who has been training archery since I could hold a bow, in a shooting contest five minutes after learning how to fire an arrow, yet he didn’t gloat. He punched me real good, but then talked to me like a regular person… Not just a noble, not someone to suck up to, but to whoever I’ve become beneath it all. I don’t even know what I am sometimes outside of the noble facade… But, it feels like he knows it, yet doesn’t hate it… So I want to return the favor. I know he’s hiding things from me, from everyone… and that hurts. Maybe he’ll tell me about his woes eventually, but I just want to help him.”
“So you like him.”
Hans’ eyes widened at the words, looking up at theresa who didn’t look at him, didn’t cast judgement, didn’t accuse, just stated.
“You make it sound like something sinful when it’s not like that!”
“Would it make a difference if it was?”
“You speak blasphemy.”
“And you speak half-truths.”
“I… It’s not like that, because it can never be like that. He’s become a dear friend, that will have to do.”
“Always so worried about what you can and can’t be, you’ll regret it sooner or later.”
A somber tone of understanding could be heard in Theresa’s voice, one that Hans couldn’t decipher. She got up and opened the door, speaking without turning back and facing the noble.
“Give him the medicine after dinner, he should be fine in a day.”
Hans nodded in acknowledgment, watching the young maiden walk out into the streets, observing her way of existence. She walked confidently, braving the world, trying to leave the past behind, something only someone with true strength could manage.
He looked back down at Henry, then himself, two fools who were too scared to go against the world…

…
The day went by peacefully. Henry’s consciousness came and went, his illness taking a heavy toll on his body, yet he didn’t mind it since he wasn’t alone. Hans gave him food when he asked, even though he barely had an appetite, gave him medicine brought by Theresa, helped Henry change his sweaty tunic and even recounted stories he had read for entertainment.
“I had no idea France was so different from us, despite being not that far off from here.”
“Cultures take different shapes under different people after all. Bohemia was a peaceful country until King Charles passed and Wenceslas became lazy, in the meantime Sigismund became restless and dramatic, you know the rest…”
“Not really, us peasants don’t really get to know much about the world… I always wanted to leave home, become an adventurer, see what’s out there even if I didn’t know what awaited me. But this wasn’t how I wanted my adventuring life to begin.”
“Even though I’m somewhat aware of what’s out there, I still wish to see it as well…”
“Why can’t you? You’re a noble-surely you have enough coin to travel?”
“Being a nobleman is complicated, Hal… Yes it gives me luxuries that peasants don’t get to afford, or even dream of sometimes, but it comes with its own set of responsibilities and restrictions…”
“What’s the point then?”
“Sorry?”
“All you nobles are treated like gods by the common folk, like you can do anything, give us anything, but you’re more like a bird they keep in a cage.”
“You’re… right…”
Hans’ eyes unfocused, his hands started to shake as he sank into the ocean of thoughts inside his mind. Ripple after ripple, wave after wave of dread, worthlessness, fear and anger that never stopped slamming into the cliff of his self-worth. A million words unspoken, even more woes untold to anyone… Maybe it doesn’t have to be that way.
“I’m not sure about anything Henry, but I’d like your help when I figure it out.”
His squire’s eyes widened at the proposition, a call for help that wasn’t a regular command given to a peasant by his noble.
“I promise to stand by you through thick and thin!”
“Thank you...-” - Hans stood up, patting Henry’s hair on Henry’s head, ruffling the squire’s overgrown hair - “But first I need you alive, so you better get well soon!”
“I’ll do my best sir!” - Henry’s eyes were already half closed from another wave of exhaustion, but his smile was genuine, or so Hans hoped.

…

“I’m not so sure this is a great idea sir, the baths were the reason I got sick in the first place.”
“YOU got sick because you went out into the rain in your braies, like a drunken fool.”
“And you let me! So we’re both at fault.”
“That’s why I’m yet again paying for you so shut up and strip off!”
Henry didn’t bother fighting back any more, swiftly taking off his tunic and hose before lowering into the hot bath, watching Hans do the same. There were no bathmaids this time, Hans had asked for privacy after all. Henry was a bit nervous at the idea, thinking back, he only made it through last time without losing his mind thanks to wine and Klara’s easy company, but the hot tub relaxed his recently ill body, sticky with sweat and built up grime from the battle before… Hans handed him a soap, observing Henry with focus in his eyes while his squire was busy washing himself. Henry met his eyes, pausing for a second before flashing his sheepish grinn at Hans and looking away. Hans finally focused on what he came here to do, washing himself down into the water, though he was much cleaner than his squire.
Wet hair kept sticking to Henry’s face, making him groan in annoyance while pushing them back. Hans looked back up at the frustrated sounds before realizing just how much Henry had grown his hair and beard out. He looked like a caveman, unfit for Hans’s service… or likeness.
“After we’re done washing up here, how about I give you a haircut?”
“You?”
“Why not, I’ll have you know yours truly cuts his own hair!”
“That explains a lot.”
“Excuse me!?”
“I’m just kidding… I’d be delighted to let you mess up my hair.”
“Joke too much and it may come true.”
“You wouldn’t do me like that.”
“Don’t test your superiors, HAL!”
Hans swung his hand into the water, lightly splashing Henry, who was already having trouble seeing through his hair. He splashed back at Hans, then got water to his face in return again. A laugh escaped them both as they played in water like children, neither stopping until a cough came out of Henry, making them both pause for a second before looking at each other and continuing to laugh.
Henry did his best to wash every part of his body, but he could still feel some dirt on his back that he couldn’t reach. Hans, who had already finished washing himself, noticed Henry’s distress before the squire spoke about it, deciding to take initiative.
“Need some help? For those… hard to reach spaces…”
He slowed his tone into a quiet suggestion, enjoying Henry’s ears brightening as their owner averted his eyes in shame. Henry wordlessly turned around, leaning his elbows and forearms onto the edge of the tub, letting his chest rest against the walls that held the water enclosed. Hans was a little surprised at his obedience, but he didn’t hesitate, picking up the soap with his right hand while gently grasping Henry's shoulder with his left, steadying their connection before slowly, carefully rubbing the soap along his squire’s back while observing.
Observing Henry’s muscles, not abundant thanks to his lost appetite, but still speaking of the vigorous training he had maintained. There was a slash along his lower back, shallow and already healing, but when Hans brought the soap down to it, Henry flinched forward, barely noticeable to anyone that wasn’t observing him like Hans was in that tender moment.
Neither of them hurried the other, enjoying this moment of… friendship? Or something more even they didn’t know, nor were they brave enough to ask.
“All clean… Now it’s time to make you look respectable, go sit on that chair while I ask the maids for some tools.”
Henry lost his tongue, unable to come up with a response that wouldn’t break this fragile moment. He slowly rose out of the water, feeling Hans’s gaze on his dripping body as he walked over to the stool at the side of the room.
He perked up his ears at the sound of Hans’s footsteps approaching the door and fading, leaving the young squire with a storm raging in his head.
Water slowly dripped onto the floor, stabbing into Henry’s thoughts with each drop. What was Capon doing? why was he acting like this. Henry couldn’t understand everything that Hans made him feel with all the niceties, the glances, the slow touches.
A noble torturing his squire with love.
Love Henry could never act upon.
LoveHenry wasn’t adjusted to, despite how much he craved it.
Was it all a game for Hans, enjoying Henry’s reactions to his teasing, or something more…
Hans walked back in with a small knife and scissors in his hand. He closed the door behind him and flipped the lock, much to the dismay of many curious bathmaids who weren’t far off behind him.
“So Henny! What kind of a haircut would you like?”
“I, I don’t know, similar to yours I guess? Something that would be pleasant to look at for others.”
“What about yourself, you have to enjoy your look first before looking for other’s approval!”
“I… I like the way your hair looks, so it’s fine…”
“Daring aren’t we. I’m glad my role as a noble example is well kept between the peasantry!”
Henry shifted uncomfortably at the joke, but relaxed when he heard Hans’s small chuckle, realising that his friend was happy that Henry wanted something similar to his own style.
Hans grabbed the small knife, holding Henry’s chin with his left hand while bringing the blade close to his jaw. The sight was terrifying and thrilling for Henry.
“Don’t move your head, I don’t wanna cut your face!”
“Alright.”
Hans carefully sliced the knife through Henry’s messy and unruly beard, swiftly shortening it with his experienced hands, leaving nothing but a short stubble on the squire’s face. Henry finally relaxed as Hans distanced the knife from his face, breathing out before cracking a small smile at his friend.
“You weren’t lying about cutting your own hair huh, your confidence is astounding.”
“But of course, no peasant barber around here can do my hair the justice it deserves!” - He raised the scissors up in a grand gesture, like a knight showing off his weapon - “now keep your head still, scissors can be a dangerous tool!”
“If you say so. I thought my lordship was confident?”
“You keep talking like that and my confidence will drop below the level needed to keep your empty head safe!”
“My apologies Sir Hans, I didn’t expect your ego, I mean confidence to drop so easily.”
A sound of scissors closing played too close to Henry’s ears for comfort, followed up by a noble chuckle, full of fakeness and money.
Hans gently grasped Henry’s curled hair, enjoying the sensation that felt so… right. He divided the hair into sections, lifting them piece by piece before carving them at measured lengths. Henry held his head down and eyes half closed as he observed the strands falling to the floor, a sensation he hadn’t felt since his Pa cut his hair, too carelessly for comfort, too short for Henry’s satisfaction.
A real man shouldn’t worry about his hair after all, just keep it short and normal…
Henry hated it everytime, not getting the choice, constantly forced to shape himself into something he wasn’t. Yet being here, with Hans who gently grasped his hair, who treated the process with the same importance that Henry always yearned for, who cared as much as his friend, overwhelmed Henry. A warm feeling took place in his guts, but it wasn’t painful. It made its way up to his heart, making the world slow down, the second stretch forever, hoping that it would never end.
Hans felt Henry relax more and more into his grasp as he kept going with great care, cutting the strands with calculated confidence, shaving the sides with care. As he finished, he ran his hand through his squire’s hand for the last time, enjoying the sensation of the soft and thick brown hair before letting go.
He brought a small mirror to Henry’s face, observing his friend’s reaction to his freshly trimmed sides and top part of his hair still kept quite lengthy, flowing freely around his head, similar to Hans, but not quite the same, a bit messier and freer than Hans’s slicked back hair. Hans was delighted to see that he liked it.
“This is incredible, Hans… Thank you.” - a shaky voice that Hans didn’t expect, filled not with regret, but with relief… with fondness and thankfulness.
“Of course Hal, anytime… Don’t go around bragging about me giving you a haircut though! Other peasants might feel a bit jealous.”
“As you command my lord.”
The two friends left the bathhouse without any incident this time, much to the bathmaids’ disappointment, yet more had happened between the two than they could put into words.

 

…

Hanush was away on noble business for a few days in Talmberg, giving Hans a day of freedom without a worry of a nagging from his guardian. He usually spent such days running out into a nearby forest and staring at the sky, but this time it was different, following his squire around on menial tasks and errands.
“Is this seriously what you do all day?”
“I’ve got to make coin somehow. Plus I need to brew a new stock of potions for myself and the ingredients don’t come cheap.”
“Oh, are you still having trouble sleeping?”
“It’s been… better. But a few potions for energy wouldn’t hurt. Other than that, I need some healing potions too. I’ve even learned new recipes since you taught me how to read.”
“I’m glad our lesson came in handy.”
“Aye, I’ll be forever grateful for that, I had no idea how much I didn’t know before…”
They walked down to the apothecary. Hans waited outside while Henry went in, bartering and laughing with the owner for a couple of minutes to come out with a bag full of ingredients.
“The owner here is so nice, he lets me use his alchemy station as long as I pay for the ingredients.”
“That’s not unexpected, I can’t escape your name everywhere I go nowadays. It feels like you’ve helped everyone one way or another, they seem to like you.”
Henry looked at Hans with surprise written all over his face - “Oh, I didn’t realize…” - they walked into the backroom where the alchemy bench was located - “Back in Skalitz… I always felt like they disliked me…”
“Why would you think that?”
“It’s just… I don’t know, I was always the odd kid, I know rumours and judgement went on behind my back. It’s strange, I don’t feel like that here…”
“You’ve changed a lot since you came here… I can already barely remember the arrogant peasant that burst into a noble’s meeting and demanded to be enlisted for service!” - Hans placed a hand on Henry’s shoulder before slowly sliding it downwards, feeling Henry’s growing muscles under his blue tunic… - “Hell we brought down 4 men alone while you were sick, that’s no small feat you know.”
“Ugh don’t remind me, that day still haunts me.”
“Right, sorry.”
Henry turned away from his friend, his mind becoming a bit muddied from the memory, the rage he felt in that moment as he beat the bandit to death… Fortunately, he was ready for alchemy, providing him with an escape from the thoughts. He didn’t get to brew many potions since Skalitz, but when he did it calmed his soul, reminding him of the simpler days, brewing potions with his Ma.
They walked into the small room where an alchemy bench stood, a familiar feeling taking place in Henry’s body, pushing back the storm of emotions. He sat down a book, flipping through the pages with one hand while putting down his bag of ingredients onto the shelf with the other. Hans stood in the doorway, not fully going into the small space without reason, but his curiosity beat his irrational fear, carefully stepping to his friend.
“So you just follow the instructions in that book and it’ll work?”
“Aye, it's not too complicated, once you get a bit of practice in you can easily master it.”
“Can I try?”
Henry seemed a bit surprised by the request, but he immediately nodded, excited at the idea of teaching his friend. He waved at Hans to get closer, pouring the wine into the cauldron. Hans observed carefully as Henry set up the ingredients, grinded the flowers, poured, stirred, distilled. He had never attempted alchemy, a noble had no need for it after all, but it was an interesting process for him. If something seemingly so simple could aid him so much, like after he was saved by Henry and miraculously made able to walk with these potions, why wouldn’t he learn more about it.
He looked up at Henry, who seemed in his element, there was no timidness or rage inside him like in a sword practice or a real fight. He was filled with confidence in his skills, experience that never failed him before. A state of being that Hans so often lacked, even in archery, which was his specialty.
“How… How did you know you liked alchemy when you were younger?”
“Huh?… I don’t know, I always liked flowers, Pa always told me off for gathering too many of them and attracting insects in the house. Then one day Ma offered to teach me about alchemy and watching her work, so confident and graceful in her craft…“- a tear ran down his face without realizing, brought out by the memories of a past taken too soon - “Shit, sorry…”
“No need, Hal.” - Hans held Henry’s hand for a second, pulling his friend out of his internal distress before taking it back, not lingering for longer than he should have…

Henry quietly brewed the Cockerel potions that helped him stay awake when he needed to. His mind was quiet, too quiet, even forgetting that his friend was observing the process with confused eyes.
“Shit, sorry Hans, I zoned out.”
“It’s alright, I think I understood all of it. Can I try now?”
“Hmm, sure why not, but something simpler at first alright?”
“Sure, as you say, oh great knowledgeable sage!”
“Shut up… Just a marigold decoction should be good, It’s quite simple.”
Henry stepped away from the table, letting Hans close into the brewer’s position. He flipped the pages to the correct recipe.
“First step is to always prepare your ingredients beforehand. You don’t want to be fumbling through your bag in the middle of precious time after all.”
“I see, so I need two marigolds and one nettle… Which one’s the nettle again?”
“The green leaf that kind of looks like a pine tree. Careful when picking it up, it gives you a strange pain, not strong but bothersome. Here, use my gloves.”
Henry handed his thin leather gloves to Hans, who was a bit taken aback at how patient Henry was when teaching him. He didn’t rush, didn’t judge, didn’t scold. Just told him what he needed to know without too much worry over the smallest details like Hans was used to studying under.
He quietly put on the gloves, a bit short for his longer fingers, and grabbed the nettle leaf, observing it carefully to remember its shape in the future, before placing it on the side shelf. He then grabbed two marigolds, placing them next to the nettle before turning to the book for the next steps. He could feel Henry’s gaze observing him, not to look for mistakes and condemn him for them, but simply to make sure Hans was doing it safely, to be there when needed.
Hans poured water from a pot into the cauldron, looking at Henry for a hint of when to stop.
“Almost to the brim Hans, but not too much so it doesn’t overflow when boiling.”
“How the fuck am I supposed to know how much that means, just tell me when to stop!”
“Have some confidence in yourself. Don’t overcomplicate it. Brewing is a straightforward process that doesn’t need overthinking.”
“If it overflows it’s all your fault!” - Hans took a sarcastic tone, preparing himself for failure, but surprisingly, for him at least, the water was just the right amount. Henry smiled at him with a soft expression, enjoying the sight of his friend enjoying something that he’d loved since he was young…
“Boil for one turn… What does that mean?”
“Oh, uh, you wait until it starts boiling when you put the cauldron down onto the flames, then turn that hourglass next to you. When it drains, you either raise the cauldron to take it off the flames or leave it there to add the next ingredient, depending on what the recipe says.”
“You’re really good at explaining, for once I don’t find listening to instructions boring.” - Hans smiled at Henry before turning back to his work.
The water boiled and he threw the nettle in, swiftly turning the hourglass. He observed each speck of dust flow with precision, ready to raise the cauldron at the precise second. Henry chuckled at his friend's focus, waiting for Hans to throw in the marigolds and raise the cauldron up to let it cool before commenting, not wanting to disrupt his focus and the process.
“You know it’s fine if you’re a couple of seconds late, usually at least. It’s not like you threw in the nettle and turned it at the same exact moment.”
“But I thought alchemy was all about precision and instructions!?”
“Just trust me, simple recipes like this won’t matter for a couple of seconds.”
“What about the harder ones?”
“It depends, we’ll get there when we get there.”
Henry slowly approached Hans, handing him a phial. Hans took it, carefully pouring the result into it before handing it back to Henry. His friend raised the phial to his nose, smelling it first, then tasting one sip.
“It’s perfect Hans, well done!”
Hans exhaled, finally the unneeded tension left his shoulders.
Henry was happy to teach him.
Happy that his friend cared and listened.
Hans was happy that Henry was happy.
They spent another hour in the alchemy room, taking turns at brewing, Hans handling the simple potions, slowly gaining more and more confidence while Henry handled the more complicated ones. Hans wouldn’t be a master at it from the start, and for once, it was alright…
The sun had finally gone past its peak while the two friends practiced their alchemy. As they stepped outside, carrying bags full of potions, Hans got the idea of training Henry on shooting better and the squire didn’t protest, taking the opportunity to spend more time with his friend.
…

An arrow flew by the circular target, leaving not a scratch behind on the weathered board.
“Sakra!”
“Come now Henry, you’re embarrassing yourself!”
“I don’t get it, sometimes I don’t miss a single shot, other times I can’t seem to hit the target at all.”
“Call it luck if you want to, or talent. So far you’ve been shooting by following your instincts, hoping it’ll work out right?”
“Aye, like that time with the Cumans. I could’ve hit you there, y’know… I don’t want that fear to come to life.”
“That’s why you’re going to train your technique, understood!? So you won’t have to rely on luck the next time, talent is nothing without practice, no matter how great.”
“You haven’t missed once today, how come I beat you that day on our first competition?”
“I told you, my hand had grown heavy!”
“What does that even mean?”
“Uhhh, I was feeling like shit and shooting like one? It’s a saying, Hal.”
Hans stepped closer to Henry, standing behind him. He wrapped his left arm around Henry, helping him steady the bow. He brought his right hand to Henry’s, guiding him into pulling the string with correct force.
“Get a rhythm for it, from your view it will go to the left and a bit up, down if the target is further.”- Henry shifted in Hans’s embrace, trying to hide his comfortable discomfort… - “Inhale on the draw, hold it for a second, let the swaying of your hands adjust to your aim before setting it loose.”
An arrow crossed the air at top speed, landing right into the center of the target.
“YES, excellent work Hal!” - He let go of Henry’s arms, making the squire shift again, this time in the lack of the comforting embrace.
“That was… surprisingly simple.”
“It’ll feel different in the heat of the battle, but keep practicing at different distances and you’ll catch up to me in no time, I’m sure.”
Henry smiled to himself, finding it hard to believe how much fun he had at archery. The noble and his squire turned at the sound of soft clapping, seeing Theresa walking down the training grounds.
“I see you two are keeping busy, that was a nice shot Henry.”
“Thank you tess… Would you like to give it a try?”
“Hmm, I’m not so sure a woman would be allowed.” - She looked sideways at Hans, who kept observing the two friends with unexplained conflict on his face before snapping out of it.
“Not at all, it’s actually in fashion these days… or so I’ve heard. For example, the young lady of house Ruthard in Kuttenberg is rumored to be an excellent shot.”
Theresa was surprised at the open mindedness from the young noble. Women were not treated fairly or equally, that was no secret in bohemia, yet Hans didn’t stop her from trying, neither did Henry… Why should she stop herself?
“I’ve got a bit of experience… I only survived Skalitz because I had a bow at hand, after all.”
“Oh… You didn’t tell me that.”
“You’re not the only one who would like to forget that day, Hal.”
“Not to get in the way of your sentimental flashbacks, but I’ve got to attend to some… Noble duties, I hope you two won’t mind.”
Hans stepped away from the range before the two friends could say anything, even a goodbye. He hated this, his day, his mind being sullied… By HENRY, of all people! That conflicted feeling he got when Henry talked with Theresa, that twisting pain in his gut, mute burning of his heart…
“No way… Am I… Jealous???”
“As if.”
…
Theresa took to archery surprisingly well, surprising even herself. It calmed her raging mind, reminded of the moment she struck an arrow into the Cuman during that cursed night…
“Nicely done Tess! You’re already way better than I am.”
“Yeah right… You’ve survived more battles already than I’ll ever have…”
“That's… It’s not fair, I know.”
“Do you? I don’t get the chance to avenge my parents like you did, or to help my friends the same way you can.”
“I know…”
“That’s why you mustn’t waste it, alright Hal? Not just for yourself, but for us, for our parents, our friends.”
Henry avoided her gaze, weight of the memories weighing on his mind before one of his fingers caught his eye.
“There’s… something I want to give you.”
Theresa looked at Henry in confusion as he took off a ring from his finger, looking at it one last time with sadness in his eyes before handing it to Theresa.
“What is this, why are you giving it to…”
“It’s Bianca’s… She wanted to give it to you, that day, before the dance…”
“Why would she… Why to me… Oh.”
“Yeah.”
“Is that why you two…”
“Aye.”
“Why are you giving this to me now…”
“Because… You grieve for them, as much as I…”
“That’s not fair, to tell me now… What I should’ve known before it happened.”
“I know.”
Tears burst out of Theresa before she could hold them back, a thousand words unsaid, a tale untold, a possibility unmade before its time.
Henry stayed at her side, granting her the comfort of understanding only he could offer for sinners like them…

 

…
“Can’t believe I forgot my bow down there. I’d better grab it before it gets stolen.”
Hans was walking back down to the archery range, hoping that Henry had already left. Instead he saw something that soured his mood even more. Henry handing a ring to Theresa.
Her crying.
Henry embracing her in ways that Hans would never get to experience…
Hans turned on his heels, disappearing into the evening shadows before he could be seen. His thoughts ran faster than a horse, coming up with every possible solution and excuse for what he saw, not that he could think of many. He speedwalked to lower Pirkstein, unintentionally slamming his door before turning the lock.
He damn near flew onto his bed, burying his face into the pillow, letting out a frustrated scream.
What was happening to him, why did he care, for Henry, about Henry… He’d never felt this way before. The warm feeling that took hold of his body and mind when he was around his… friend.
It was something he had no experience with, not with women, definitely with men, especially not with a peasant… It was like Hans lost himself around Henry, letting down all his defences, all his noble masks that he had to keep up to stay safe, to remain who he was meant to be, who he would never like being. When Henry treated him like any other person, when he was kind and patient with him, when he killed for him…
It can’t be.
It shouldn’t be.
Yet there it was, unphased, unmoving, unrelenting.
He liked Henry.
Even Theresa saw it before he admitted it.
He liked Henry in a way that wasn’t natural, that wasn’t allowed, that wasn’t meant to be.
Unnatural.
A sin.
Fuck.
He wasn’t crazy to think that Henry must have been the same, right? His squire didn’t exactly act in a typical manner. But what was Henry doing with Theresa!? It looked like he proposed to her, what was he thinking, not even telling Hans and marrying the first wench that he was left alone with!
A walking contradiction, Hans once called him, and it stood out even more now. His comfort, his openness, his gaze when Hans wasn’t looking…
Hans would lose his mind at this rate.
He tossed and turned in his bed, thinking back at every one of their interactions, every hand held in the night, every touch lingering longer than necessary, a shift not normal between friends…
He did not know when sleep took him, but he was woken up by a sudden knock.
Singular, quiet.
Hans looked around the room, seeing that sunlight had already crept its way through his windows.
“Fuck, how long did I sleep for!?”
Another knock came, still obviously from the same person.
“I’ll be right there!”
He fumbled out of the bed, throwing a simple tunic over his head before opening the door. Henry’s eyes were surrounded by darker eyebags than usual, but he still looked quite energized.
“Jesus Hal… Did you sleep at all?”
“Uhh, barely, I was up late speaking with Theresa.”
The mention of the name set Hans’s soured brain aflame, redness rushing to his cheeks, not one of comfort, but of anger that he tried to hide.
Henry held out his arm, handing Hans a familiar bow while the noble was still reeling in his mind.
“I noticed you left it behind yesterday so I grabbed it to make sure no one stole it… Are you alright Hans? You look a little red.”
“A little? You should be glad I’m not fully red right now!”
“What?”
“Doesn’t matter. I want us to have a duel! RIGHT NOW!”
“What, why, Hans are you sure you’re alright?”
“I’m fine and you’ll do it because it’s a command, understood? Go grab your damned sword and meet me in the training yard!
…
What was he doing, taking out his anger on his friend, but it was too late to back out now. Henry stood across the small arena from him, nervously holding the wooden sword. They were both dressed in simple armour, enough for a practice fight, but Hans still felt like the armour was choking him. They stood at the training grounds where both had spent hours practicing their skills. Not a soul was around to witness the venting of emotions that were about to unfold between two friends
Without a word, a warning, a countdown, He stepped forward, aggressively swinging at Henry from the right, his friend barely managing to block the powerful swing in time, straining his hand from the sheer force. Hans swung again and again, not letting up or giving Henry time to retaliate. Left, right, left, all blocked by Henry but he didn’t see the upper slash following up the third attack, getting hit in the jaw with a powerful strike. A real sword would’ve killed him, but the wooden one hurt like a bitch. Hans could see that the strike finally got his squire’s blood pumping as his eyes narrowed, almost looking clouded.
Hans stepped in close again, swinging unpredictably at Henry, executing masterful combos even in his enraged state.
A hit to Henry’s shin, then another one at the side of his chest. Hans was getting rougher and rougher as Henry’s breathing grew shorter, ragged, laced with a tone Hans only heard once before, when he snuffed out that bandit’s life barehanded…
Henry went on the offensive, trying to get in a combo of his own, but Hans got cocky from his advantage so far, parrying the sword away and suddenly dropping his own.
He tackled Henry, dropping them both to the ground. Hans got on top of the peasant, holding one of his arms down with his left and raising his right.
He dropped it onto Henry’s stomach first, making the boy gasp for air.
Hans threw another punch at his stomach before shifting his eyes up Henry’s body, staring into his eyes and raising his hand, bringing it down towards his face…
Henry barely moved his head in the last moment, avoiding the punch before a guttural scream left his throat, like of which he’d never made before.
“GET THE FUCK OFF ME!” was the last thing Hans heard as Henry’s body swiftly rose, slamming his forehead straight up into Hans’s jaw, knocking him out cold.
…
Hans’s body fell onto Henry, slumping with the weight of an unconscious person. Henry hurriedly pushed it off himself, crawling backwards as he came back to his senses, his anger swiftly getting replaced with panic.
Henry’s vision was darkened with bloody red…
His body was paralysed as everything around him disappeared into the blood, leaving only Hans’s body in his vision.
Beautiful Hans.
Noble Hans.
He’d hurt him…
His head was set on fire as Hans’s head slowly started parting, ripping in half. The cracks ran down the body of his friend as a horrible laugh echoed through Henry’s head. Raspy, choking on blood as his head was banged against the floor over and over.
“I’ll see you… in … HELL!”
A hand sprouted out of the broken body, reaching towards paralyzed Henry, who watched in Horror as the Hand was followed up by a chest, a neck, a head of one of the men who still haunted his dreams.
Runt crawled towards him. Slowly. Taking his time, enjoying the sight of a Henry that couldn’t run, couldn’t fight back…
He rose up barely above the blacksmith’s body.
“I’ll see you… in … HELL!”
He wrapped his hand around Henry’s throat, grabbing his hair with the other.
A swift, powerful motion was the first thing Henry felt as his head smashed into the ground.
“In … HELL!”
Another pull at his hair, smashing his head into the ground.
Henry wanted to scream, cry, beg, call for help, but his throat didn’t work.
His head was smashed into the ground again, blood pouring down through his hair…
“HELL!!!”
Henry didn’t attempt to fight back, accepting his fate, his punishment for being a monster. He felt the wind through his hair as his head flew towards the ground again.
Something cushioned it.
Not by much, but enough, even if there was a mysterious crack.
“FUCK, MY FINGER! WAKE THE FUCK UP ALREADY HENRY!”
Golden light poured into the reddened vision, setting the darkness on fire, burning away the haunting image of Runt grabbing his face. He finally breathed out, feeling his entire strength drain away with the air.
“Are you awake? What the fuck was that!? I was only out for a second… I think.”
“Wah? What?”
“Fuck you’re bleeding.”
“So are you…”
“That’s not important! What the fuck was that Henry? I come to the sound of you just smashing your head against the ground, what is wrong with you!”
“Me? What’s wrong with you! I just bring you your bow and you challenge me to a duel? This was no duel either, you just went ham!”
“I’m sorry… I… That’s not what’s important here Hal, you almost killed yours…”
“DON’T CALL ME THAT RIGHT NOW, YOU HAVE NO RIGHT CAPON!”
Henry knocked Hans’s hand that held his head up away, dropping to the ground before slowly getting up on his own, barely keeping himself stable. Hans tried to reach for him, but he held his hand back halfway.
“I’m sorry…”
“Sorry? Sorry is what you are when you make a small mistake, not when you go overboard and make me… make me lose myself. I told you, I trusted you that you’d help me contain that part of myself… That part I hate. Not drag it out of me. I almost killed you Hans!”
“Oh don’t be so dramatic! I was out for a few seconds at most, that’s no reason to do… Whatever you were doing.”
“It doesn’t matter.”
“I beg to differ.”
“It’s nothing, leave it Capon.”
“You’re a bad liar.”
“And you’re a bad friend.”
“That’s the first truth you’ve told me since I just woke up.”
Henry wobbled on his legs, falling forward towards the ground, but Hans caught him. He placed his hand around Henry’s shoulder, holding him up with his other palm and steadying the boy.
“I’ll tell you if you tell me what the fuck your problem was.”
“I… It seems stupid now. I was jealous that you engaged with Theresa last night without telling me…”
“Excuse me?”
“I saw you two yesterday. You gave her a ring and hugged her, then you said you spent all night “tAlKiNg” with her…”
“Hans, you… YOU IDIOT.”
“What?”
“I didn’t… We didn’t. It’s nowhere even near like that with us. You fool, I think you’ve caught some illness from me with how stupidly you’ve acted!”
“I… I don’t understand… the ring…”
“It was our friend’s, from Skalitz. She’d wanted to give it to Tess before dying…”
“And the hugging?”
“She was crying! Like we haven’t hugged before!”
“Have we?”
“I uhh, I can’t remember. It doesn’t matter!”
“And the talking?”
“She finally opened up about what happened… That day. It was a lot… A lot worse than anything I could tell you…”
“I see… Shit Henry I’m so sorry.”
“You better be. I want your most precious scarf to wrap my head with as compensation!”
“You wouldn’t!”
“I’ll give it back… after a couple of weeks. That’s fair, right?”
Hans loosened his support on Henry’s body for a second, letting him drop a few centimeters before catching him again.
“OW, ASSHOLE! I know we’re joking but I’ve got to clean this wound before it gets worse…”
“Luckily for you, your friend is a noble.”
“Luckily? Yeah right!”
“GUARDS, THERE’S AN INJURED FOOL HERE THAT NEEDS HELP!”
“Haaaansss.”
Hans lowered Henry onto the ground, smirking at him as Janek and Jaroslav ran into the training grounds, getting taken aback from the strange sight of two beat up friends laughing hysterically.
Janek made Henry lean on his shoulder as Jaroslav approached Hans to check up on him.
“Uh… Sir, what happened?”
“Just a practice duel. treat your fool alright? I’ll be waiting for him at the tavern.”
“Oh, right. As you say my lord.”
The inexperienced peasant awkwardly bowed before walking out of the arena, sprinting to catch up with Henry and Janek. Hans followed his movements until the peasant disappeared from his sight, falling to his back onto the muddy ground.
“I’m so fucked.”

Notes:

Finally they're both realizing their love for each other, but will they be brave enough to admit it?

Chapter 9: the amorous adventures of Sir Hans Capon

Summary:

Hans asks Henry for help, hiding his ulterior motives of wanting to know what Henry truly felt.

…
The world was slowly waking up, yet Hans wished this bad day would just end already.
He fucked up, badly.
How could he even look Henry in the eyes after what he did. He should have been careful, thoughtful and smarter.
These unexplained emotions that shouldn’t exist, that aren’t supposed to plague men like Hans controlled him without warning, a night spent seething in the ugliest emotions Hans could’ve felt when it came to Henry.
The young noble was too scared to tell the truth.
To anyone.
To himself.
So he’d bury it deep within, letting time erode it.
The waiter sat down another mug of beer on the wooden table, turning around wordlessly, yet judging Hans with just his eyes. Hans realized just how slumped his posture was, straightening himself to renew his act for the world. He saw a boy dressed in green clothes and the red scarf that was all too familiar for Hans at this point. Henry quickly walked across the yard, silently sitting down in front of Hans, avoiding eye contact.
“Henry… Hal, I’m sorry.”
“I’ll get over it.”
The waiter came fast, setting down 2 plates filled with meat, cheese bread and vegetables in front of Henry. The squire looked up at his Noble in surprise, only to be met with a face that was so red it blended almost perfectly into the red hood surrounding it.
“I… I had them prepare some food for you, I know you’re tired… and probably haven’t eaten.”
“That’s one way to apologize… and I accept!”
Henry dug into the food, his repressed hunger quickly surfacing in a split second. Hans leaned his head on his palm, zoning out on the sight of his friend enjoying the meal. The food was a genius strategy from Hans, calming Henry’s still irritated mind enough to make him smile at Hans again.
“All is forgiven, for now! Next time you better speak up before we cave each other’s faces in.”
“I’ll try my best, it’s a noble promise!”
“Somehow I doubt it more from that.”
“How about a promise as a friend?”
“That’s better.”
Henry wiped his face with the sleeve of his tunic before adjusting the bandages around his hair. Hans winced at the sight, feeling guiltier than ever, but Henry didn’t let him fall too deep down that hole.
“Janek told me something you might want to know. Hanush and Radzig will be returning tomorrow.”
“I’d be lying if I said I was delighted to see Hanush return if I’m honest. At least having Radzig around keeps him a bit tame and manageable.”
“Supposedly they have some big plans. Something about a competition from Hanush, and Sir Radzig might have a mission for me…”
“Really, but you’ve only just recovered!”
“He’s been working hard since the raid in Pribyslavitz and according to Janek, found a connection that could lead us all the way to the actual leader of the bandits.”
“And it has to be you?”
“Aye, I’ve proven to be better at stealth than whatever remained of his garrison…”
“Do you know the specifics?”
“Not yet, he’ll tell us tomorrow.”
“I see…”
Hans felt a bit of a sting in his heart. He didn’t want to separate from Henry again so soon. The last few days he’d spent with his friend had brought him more joy and life than anything else ever could…
“Then, why don’t you help me with something…”
“What’s that?”
Hans’s tongue spoke before he could control it, betraying his real thoughts, as if trying to bury them beneath a new layer of lies he’d never needed before. He put on his noblest voice, trying to ignore the slight crack.
“Who knows what fate has in store for us? What if we should fall as heroes on the battlefield? How could I depart this world with a quiet heart, knowing I never found my true love!?”
“Huh? Did I hit you in the head too hard earlier?”
“Look. Things are stirring up in the region and I can’t just get my head chopped off somewhere without winning the heart of a girl I love. So will you help me or not?”
Hans looked up at Henry with observant eyes, trying to look for something that even he didn’t know of. Jealousy, disappointment, anger, sadness. Henry’s face only betrayed him for a second, furrowing his brows at the question before forcing himself back to a normal face, slightly leaning back into the tavern chair and crossing his arms.
How Hans wished he knew what his request made Henry feel.
“I guess I’ll help… it’ll help me take my mind off of whatever awaits me tomorrow I suppose.”
“You, Hal…” - the name stung Henry’s heart more than it should’ve in that moment - “ shall be my messenger of love. You shall bear her a letter and a gift from a secret admirer.”
“Why me? It’s not like you to be so bashful. I thought you just mentioned your status and had every wench open up for you.”
“That’s a harsh way of speaking, dear Henry!”
“Uh-huh.”
“Karolina’s an educated woman, so she needs to be romanced! She’s different from others. I must court her secretly… It’s the latest fashion in france.”
“Who?”
“The fairest maid that ever walked the earth! Kar-ol-in-aaa! The butcher’s daughter? You must have noticed the divine creature in the marketplace. Unless you’re more interested in barnyard animals.”
“I wouldn’t use fairest… Isn’t she a little below your station?”
“Love knows no station but the heart! And YOU keep your peasant eyes off her!”
“That won’t be hard…”
“Your task is simple. All you have to do is get hold of a necklace fine enough to grace her lovely neck. I did have one that I inherited from my great-grandmother. Unfortunately, not anymore…”
“Don’t tell me…”
“I lost it while playing dice at the inn in Ledetchko… But you’ll get it back for me, won’t you? You’re a smart lad! And I’ll reward you handsomely.”
Henry’s hesitation didn’t escape Hans’s attention, adding even more fuel to his curious fire, pushing Henry to see if his friend would draw a line somewhere, hinting at a feeling Hans hoped existed.
“You don’t have to pay me, that’s what friends are for, right?”
The answer took Hans by surprise, striking him from outside the range of what he expected Henry to say. He swallowed his tongue before looking in Henry’s eyes again
Come on, don’t tell me I’ve been the only crazy one this whole time!
The tired blue eyes that looked back at him spoke a thousand words.
Of something unreturned, undeserved, not allowed to exist.
Of hope lost, replaced by stillness and melancholy that wasn’t new to either of the two friends.
Then Henry rolled his eyes, snapping Hans out of his trance.
“I’ll get going then, I have a feeling that bloody necklace will cause me a headache.”
“That’s why we brewed for so long isn’t it, I’m sure one of your potions will help.”
“I hope it won’t come to that.”

 

…
It did indeed come to that point. Not only did the dice player not have the bloody necklace, he had lost it in a game against some bandits. Henry felt nervous going up to their camp alone, but the vagabonds had a strange sense of honour, allowing Henry to walk away with the necklace if he won the dice tournament, which was no challenge thanks to special dice provided by the bathmaid Zdena.
He quickly made his way back to Rattay, sun already past its peak. Pebbles rode as fast as she could, her old bones barely keeping up with the rushed lifestyle of Henry that never seemed to rest.
Hans was nowhere to be found, not in the castle, not in the tavern or any of the usual shops, annoying Henry before worry could set in.
“Can’t find your dear friend?”
A man, not much older than him, came up behind him.
“Do you know where he is, Janek?”
“Maybe… What’s it to you.”
“Seriously?... I “found” this sword today, you can have it if you tell me.”
“Wow, so mysterious Henry, I won’t say no to a fine blade like that. He’s at the apothecary.”
“Buying potions? That’s weird.”
“Nope. You should go there and save him, we barely broke him and the owner up earlier.”
Henry immediately turned on his heels, sprinting to the shop before Janek could get another word in. He pushed the store’s door open far quicker than necessary, earning a strict raise of the eyebrows from the owner before he spoke in an annoyed tone.
“Oh great, you’re here. Go in the back will ya, before our lord burns down my whole station.”
“I’m so sorry sir, I’ll…”
“Just go Henry!”
Henry opened the door to the alchemy station only to be met with a thick smoke that made his eyes sting. Amidst the smoke, golden hair flashed for a second before it got uncomfortably close to Henry, pushing them both outside the room, nearly knocking Henry over on the ground.
“I’ve finally got it, Henry!”
“Got what? What the fuck were you making in there!?”
“I may have failed a couple of times, but your training really came in Handy with this one.”
“Care to answer my question?”
“After losing that necklace, I came across this strange chemist in Sasau who boasted of creating a Musk of Infinite Allure potion, so naturally I haggled with him for an hour until he gave me the recipe!”
“And you decided to use this now? You think you dear Karolina won’t already like you?”
“I’m sure she will… but it never hurts to make sure right? Well? What do you think?”
Hans shoved the strange bottle into Henry’s nose, burning his nostrils from the bitter smell. Henry looked up at his friend, whose smile shone like the sun at that moment.
Maybe the potion was working…
“I think that thing will kill you an hour after you drink it.”
“Oh don’t be so dramatic. Come now, It’s time for the next step of our plan!”
“Your plan…”
…
Whatever game Hans was playing, he had Henry wrapped around his finger and it drove the squire to insanity, first he chased down a stupid necklace, then he made sure the recipe that Hans used wouldn’t be deadly, now here he was sneaking away from a house like a robber, even though he did the opposite, leaving the necklace in Karolina’s chest along with a letter. Henry swore under his breath as he barely avoided a guard, trying his best not to get in trouble from the stupid set of circumstances.
“What now Hans?”
“With this potion, every woman will faint at my mere presence, but I’m only interested in one person… Karolina. The fairest maiden on God’s gre…”
“We get it, just tell me what you need next.”
“Patience my dear squire. A rendezvous,-she and I, under the cloak of night. And you shall be my herald of exalted words!”
“Can you quit your fancy tal…”
“You’ll hide in the bushes and prompt me from a book of poetry.”
“Oh for…”
“Here’s a book of poems. I’ll need time to get ready, meanwhile you can learn some poems by heart. You’ll prompt me”
“Learn poetry? Me?.... That sounds… well not exactly like my…”
“Stop wasting time Hal and get to it! You’ll have a couple of hours while I get dressed up and the potion needs time to take effect.”
Hans handed Henry a worn-down book, smiling at his squire’s face, which was barely keeping his anger and annoyance inside. Henry wordlessly took it and left the room, closing it with more force than necessary, making Hans smirk in his small and pointless victory.
…
Henry huffed and scoffed in his room, walking in circles for twenty minutes instead of studying poetry. Hans was going to drive him insane, one day he’s fine, then he says he got jealous, now he’s keeping Henry on the edge of jealousy and insanity himself. Was this payback? For a misunderstanding that wasn’t even Henry’s fault.
Mutt scratched at the door, begging to be let outside. Henry indulged him before slamming the door shut and taking out his own journal where he kept track of his quests and adventures. Writing surprisingly helped a ton in helping him get his emotions out when no one else could know about them.

…

Hans was nervous.
Uncharacteristically nervous.
He had courted many ladies before and it wasn’t like he cared that much for Karolina, but with how much effort his squire put into making this courting happen, Hans felt obligated to go through with it.
After an hour of brooding, Hans finally downed the potion he’d made himself, trying to convince himself something was working to give himself more confidence.
Instead…
His head started to burn and itch in just a few minutes. He scratched at his face, feeling slight bumps on the surface that weren’t supposed to be there. Hans panicked, picking up a mirror and staring into it. He couldn’t see the faults, but he could feel them, deep beneath his skin, clawing their way out.
A knock interrupted his meltdown.
Quiet, singular.
“Come in Henry! HURRY!”
His squire burst in through the doorway, eyes darting for danger, ready for a life or death situation. Instead he found his friend standing half naked in the middle of the room, face red with scratch marks and eyes looking like they were barely keeping back tears.
“Something’s seriously wrong Henry! I think the potion’s given me an outbreak!”
Henry barely held back a chuckle, suppressing his tone fast and lying through his teeth, already enjoying the embarrassment he might witness later.
“You look quite irresistible Hans, don’t worry. Let's just get this over with.”
Both of them paused for a second at the comment, eyes averting from each other before continuing the already awkward conversation.
“But it feels like I just fell face first into a Nettle patch.”
“It’s just excitement, you’ll be fine.”
“If you say so… So what do you think, can we go to the rendezvous?”
“Why wait? Karolina won’t be able to resist you.”
The sun had long set over the horizon, leaving the two buffoons to walk in darkness, accompanied by a single torch because Hans forgot that it’s required by law. They walked side by side, but the silence put awkward distance between them.
“Tell me Henry. How many girls have you had in your life? If you’ve had any at all, that is.”
“I, What? Why’re you bringing this up?”
“Come on, don’t tell me no one's buckled that fine steed of yours!”
Henry lied as naturally as he breathed, just not well, not this time.
“There’s been a few, but I’m sure it can’t compare with you.”
“HA! Very true, one day plays will be written about my amorous adventures!”
“Comedies or tragedies?”
“That will depend on how tonight goes.”
Hans kept a few steps ahead of Henry, keeping his face hidden from his friend. Maybe to hide his outbreak that felt like it would burst out of Hans’s face like a volcano any second, but maybe to hide his flushed face. He had tried all day to crack Henry, to get a hint at a secret he hoped would be there, but most he got was a snazzy remark, sassy comeback and an ironic mention of Hans being irresistible.
Or was it not a joke?
Hans didn’t really believe in the magic of the potion, but he didn’t expect Henry to call him irresistible…
That’s not enough, sakra!
At least he’d get some relief.
They walked into the garden in front of Karolina’s room. Hans quickly turned around stopping Henry in his tracks and pointing to the side of the yard.
“Hide Henry, It’s time to get started!”
“How do you know it’ll be her that comes out and not someone else?”
“She got the necklace and the letter, didn’t she? She’ll know that I’m… That is, her secret admirer is coming!”
“And what am I supposed to do?”
“What do you think, dolt? Prompt me from that book of poetry!”
Henry rolled his eyes before sneaking behind the gravestone, watching Hans whistle and look up.
“Who’s there? I can’t see you.”
“Your most ardent admirer, fair maid!”
“Aha, and do you have a name?”
Henry snuck a glance from his hiding spot. The girl was a decent looking maiden with dark hair that looped around her ears. Her dress was simple, plain.
Still don’t get what he sees in her.
“What’s in a name? That which we call a rose by any other name would… still be a f…flower! Wouldn’t it?” - Hans swiftly turned towards Henry, waving at him - “Start, hal.”
Henry took out the book of poetry Hans lent him earlier, one that he couldn’t bring himself to memorize - “Gentle night, why linger on? I yearn thus for my love so long. Without her words to still my breast, who shall set my soul to rest!”
The beautiful words got lost along the distance, within the whispers of the night.
“Gentle night, why linger on? I earned this from my love so long! Whip out your worthy silky breasts, who shall suck my… salty bits!”
“No you idiot!”
Hans looked back at Henry with a confused look. A flush of embarrassment making its way up and past his outbroken face.
“And now my heart in sorrow dwells, from melancholy pining swells. Since I, alas, was forced to part, from my mistress of my heart.”
“I know my horses sort of well? Some alcohol from nine to twelve! Seems I always have whores apart, from the mistress of my heart!”
“Psst, what the hell are you saying!”
“What’s that hissing?”
“It’s er… a feral goose here in the bushes!”
Hans heard the sound of a palm slapping face from Henry’s direction before he heard the next lines, just not well.
“Ah lord, let me not be in vain, I long to see my love again. Oh gentle sir, be of good cheer, I shall not cling to another, dear!”
“Landlord, let me not be in vain, I long to sign and laugh again. Oh, gentle sir, get off your chair,I shall not bring you another beer!”
Hans was taken aback at the words coming out of his mouth, but before he started scolding Henry, he heard a chuckle from his friend’s direction.
“Jesus Henry! What kind of yokel nonsense are you babbling!?”
“Me? You’re the one who’s babbling!”
Before they could bicker any longer, Karolina leaned forward into the window, looking down at Hans seemingly arguing with air.
“You’re an odd one. I’ve never heard such peculiar poetry. Where on earth did you come up with it?”
Hans couldn’t find an answer, looking at Henry with his mouth gaping. His squire didn’t back down, signaling with his fingers that they should just run, but Hans wasn’t a coward.
“How did you like it, dearest?”
“Ah, how tender you are.”
A sudden loud sound snapped them out of their strange trance, Karolina looked back for a second before turning towards the two fools in her yard.
“Father’s coming, hide!”
Hans sprinted over to Henry, cramming behind the same gravestone as his friend, barely covering himself from view. Henry punched him lightly on the side.
“What the fuck was that Hans? Have you gone deaf!?”
“Me, you were the one whispering some nonsense in my ear like the DEVIL.”
“YOU… you’ve been acting like a fool the whole day, what is up with you!?”
Hans’s ears perked, not at Henry, but at the sound of Karolina’s dad yelling.
“Did you hear what he said?”
“I have a bad feeling about this Hans, I think we shou…”
“Are you still there?”
Hans jumped up on the spot, spreading his arms in a grandiose way.
“Still here my love! How could I ever part from you!”
“Father’s coming, he’ll kill you!”
“He will not, because it will never cross his mind where I’ll be!”
Hans stepped back, leaning towards Henry
“Henry, it’s time for me to claim my prize! Whatever happens, cover my back!”
“Wha… Wait Hans!”
3 men ran through the yard up to Henry, one of them pointing a butcher’s knife at Henry.
“There you are, you seducer! Now you’ll see how a butcher protects his daughter's honour!”
Hans’s voice could be heard from over the gate - “Buy me time!”
“You’ve got some explaining to do, you bastard!”
Henry’s brain was overheating. He couldn’t believe that he, of all people, was about to get butchered for trying to court a girl. How cruelly ironic fate could be. Something in his brain snapped, from exhaustion, annoyance, anger. He’d had it all up to his neck and decided to mess with everyone that caused it that day.
…
Hans stood in the doorway of Karolina’s room. She was surprised at first, but didn’t turn him away, instead inviting him in. Hans followed in, closing the door absentmindedly. There it was, that moment he and Henry worked so hard for, yet his mind was anywhere but here.
Karolina led him to her bed, sitting him down, but Hans’s ears perked at the sounds from the outside. Henry argued with the butcher, lying through his teeth like it was breathing, and it was hilarious for Hans.

“What are you after, you bastard? Sneaking around an honest citizen’s house after dark!”
“I went to mourn over the grave of my great-grandmother.”
“Oh yeah? And what are you doing right beneath my window eh?”
“Question is, why are you trampling over great-granny’s grave eh?
“Enough of your horseshit! One more word and I’ll…”
Hans turned his attention back to the reward he had reaped for the day. He had to forget Henry, fix himself, get over this weird phase.
He unbuttoned her laces, chuckles escaping both of them, she took off his tunic, throwing it back onto the bed before touching him where no other had in quite some time, after meeting Henry…
Yelling and arguments could be heard from the outside as they advanced, but before it could reach one of the final stages, a sudden loud voice, a crude attempt at singing, came through the window.
“JA SEM Z KUTNY HORY, z KUTY HORY KOUDELNIKUV SYN…”
“What the fuck are you playing at? My patience is wearing thin.”
A chuckle escaped Hans, scaring off Karolina, but he didn’t mind.
“Ja Sem Z Kutny Hory, Z Kutny Hory Koudelnikuv Syn…”
“Jesus stop your damn screeching!”
A loud laughter erupted from Hans’s chest, Karolina stood up, looking down at him with nothing but disgust left on her face, yet he couldn’t care less. Henry’s stupid singing had cleared away all his worry, anxiety, jealousy, anger that he had felt towards his dear friend.
“NA kopecku stala, Plakala, Plakala. Jezu Jezu Marja, Volala, Volala! Jezu jezu marja, Jezu Jemine, Bude li-to chlapec nebo ne. Bude li-to chlapec nobe ne!”
“Christ almighty! Let’s go fellas, this one’s not right in the head. The guards will have him for screeching after curfew. Let’s not get mixed up in it.”
Hans snuck down the stairs, his tunic half untied, his braies uncomfortable, yet he felt the best he had felt in days.
“But if I ever see you here again, I’ll beat some sense into your idiot skull!”
The men finally walked off, giving Hans a chance to finally join back Henry. He jumped up from a bush. Startling his squire who was coughing after all the singing.
“Jesus Hans, when did you sneak out?”
“Somewhere between your beautiful singing!”
“Please, let’s just get out of here. That guy wasn’t joking about butchering us.”
Hans finally took a proper look at his friend, white as paper, eyes exhausted, barely kept open. His posture was more slumped than usual, making Hans worry, sneaking his arm around his friend’s waist to help him balance and lead outside of the gate, slowly heading down to lower Pirkstein.
“Are you alright Henry, it looks like you’re about to pass out.”
“I’m fine… I forgot to bring more… Cockerel.”
“I told you! Those potions are going to do you more harm than good!”
“My sleep was fine until some asshole kicked me about and then demanded my help on his stupid quest for love. Did you even get to… Y’know.”
“That should be the least of your worries right now.”
“Yet it isn’t…”
“No, I stopped.”
“Why would you? Was she not… good enough?”
“My heart wasn’t in it. Something about it felt too unromantic for me.
“Was it the stupid lines you said or the outbreak on your face?”
Hans touched his face again, feeling the bumps on his skin that Henry convinced him were not there.
“You arrogant arsehole! You told me they weren’t there!”
“Can you blame me?”
“What do you think!?”
“No.”
For a second time that day, Hans let Henry drop a few centimeters before catching him, making the squire groan in pain.
“I suppose I’ll be looking elsewhere for the love of my life.”
“Are you serious? I thought she was “tHe fAirEsT mAiD tO wAlK goD’s gReEn eaRth!”
“Watch your tone, you yokel. It would never work out anyway, after all I’m a noble and she’s the butcher's daughter. Plus she didn’t even read my letter, just gave it back to me unopened.”
“Shame, she missed out on something very rare…”
Hans couldn’t respond any more, his tongue that already moved on its own finally ran out of energy. Instead, his head buzzed with Henry’s reactions, words, compliments and insults throughout the day. Henry didn’t say no to Hans, despite how uncomfortable he felt. He showed barely any emotions behind his calm facade, but whatever did slip through was enough to make Hans’s mind reel even more.
They stepped into the castle yard, trying to make their way to Henry’s room when a guard stepped towards them.
“Halt, why don’t you have a torch with you!”
A sudden light hit both of them, reminding them of the rule neither could have been bothered with after everything. The guard’s face froze as he made out Hans’s golden hair in the light, apologizing immediately before either of the two fools could respond and running back to his station.
“I forget the law doesn’t seem to apply to you nobles.”
“It’s not a great influence, I’ll tell you that. Where’s your keys?”
“No need, the door’s open.”
Hans pushed the door, chuckling at Henry’s recklessness.
“I thought you of all people would keep your place locked up tight.”
“What’s that supposed to mean? The guard’s constantly watch this place, no one could sneak in without them noticing.”
Hans slowly lowered Henry onto a chair, watching his friend slump into the minimal comfort.
“There’s some wine in my chest, grab it will you?”
“What a brave peasant, ordering his noble around.”
“So, was today’s adventure a comedy or a tragedy?”
“Definitely a comedy, I hope you can sing me a lullaby one day with your beautiful voice!”
Despite the sarcastic remarks Hans didn’t hesitate to grab the wine and cups, recognizing the colour and scent from the day at the bathhouse… Yet another strange day for the two friends…
Beside the wine was a small book, messy, obvious that it had been wet and dried recently.
“I’m sorry I’ve been an arse all day.”
“It’s fine… I like being around you, you know. Even if it’s to follow your stupid whims every now and then.”
“Henry, that’s…”
The candle light was dim, barely illuminating the two friends, dancing on the edge of something more, a jump neither were brave enough to take.
“I like being around you too…”
No more words could be spoken, instead retreating into the shadow of melancholy, where loneliness brought fragile safety.
Henry downed another cup before closing his eyes, leaning back into his chair with loose posture. Hans didn’t want to risk a fall during the night, carefully leading his tired friend to the bed before going back to the wine. His mind kept thinking back at the book in Henry’s chest, curiosity beating out Hans’s morale. He silently stepped towards the treasure box, making sure Henry wouldn’t wake up at the sound of the creaking wood. Hans grabbed the book but left the box open to easily put it back later.
The young noble sat down on the chair, bringing the dim candlelight closer to the small book that was filled with messy handwriting, undoubtedly Henry’s. It told of tasks that needed completing, events that had gone down in Henry’s recent life as an adventurer and Radzig’s servant. Only the first few pages were filled, yet Hans knew something was hidden here, just like something hid inside Henry. After a few minutes of reading he gave up, setting the notebook down on the tabe and massaging his temples with both of his hands.
What had he been doing the whole, no, the whole month he’d known Henry. This feeling… Whatever it was, it couldn’t come to light, it couldn’t be anything more than a delusion, a desperation caused by his loneliness to cling to someone who tolerated him.
As if a sign from god, the pages on the book slowly flipped. Perhaps it was the wind, perhaps a divine intervention. Either way, it showed Hans something he could never even dream of.
A small poem, smudged by tears, on a random page, hidden between the life of Henry.

“Perhaps this loneliness shouldn’t have left me
Meeting him was a hope I could never expect it.
When he tilts his head and looks at me
How can I admit my love that makes life worth it

 

At my lowest he mocked me
At my worst he didn’t pity
Desire to live that never existed in me
Revived by him, what a pity.

Of all the things to fear, they chose love
Yet god didn’t hold it back when making me
I never was a violent person before, but
What they’ll fear is not my love, it'll be me.

sinner, sodomite, disappointment.
A good friend, minion, squire.
If that’s all I’ll ever be, why do i dream
That I can become something more.

How strange it is to be anything at all.”

A tear made its way down Hans’s cheek, falling onto the page, wetting the recently dried paper. He could feel Henry’s chest rise and fall in the corner of the room, each breath reminding him of every moment between the two… cowards.
A love that shouldn’t exist.
A love that promises nothing but eternal doom.
If love was a sin, would they gladly become sinners, or hide in the shadows of melancholy until their souls rot.

Notes:

I'm not sure how I feel about this chapter, something about it felt weaker than others, but I think it's important.
on other hand, rewatching a playthrough of the Hans dlc, these two were flirting so bad its crazy.

Chapter 10: Capon's Champion

Summary:

Between a missing Hans and demanding nobles, Henry's unable to keep up with the lies anymore.

Notes:

Just one more chapter before the monastery, next one will get there i promise •⩊•

Henry's dreams weren't painted red that night. He dreamt of a field, an endless horizon where eyes could reach, filled with flowers that mixed beautifully in a sea of colours. A linden tree, great in its size and nature, cast a comforting shadow over the field, providing the young survivor of Skalitz with shelter from the heat of the world. The world that hated him, that reminded him where he was headed every time he felt at peace.
A golden bird with red splashes in its feathers flew close by, not quite brave enough to approach Henry, but daring to get close a bit more each time.
Henry waited with patience, observing the bird in awe. It flew with joy. Joy of freedom, of life, of the simple things in life it hadn't gotten to experience before.
After circling the tree and the boy leaned against it, the bird got close.
Too close.
Henry tried to reach out, to touch it, to feel its warmth and share his love. The bird leaned into it, but only for a second.
It flew away faster than Henry had seen anything fly before, circling the tree from further and further until gliding down onto the ground a long distance away from Henry.
There stood a golden cage, heated from the sun. Seemingly glorious, realistically torturous for the poor creature. Yet it stepped into it, slowly, painfully, looking back at the freedom it had only just tasted before the door was locked again.

...
A loud knock woke Henry from his sleep, making the young blacksmith jump out of the bed and rush to the door in just his braies. Janek's smug face greeted him, chuckling at Henry's unprepared self before reminding him of his duties.
"Lord Radzig has arrived. He's calling for you, get to his room as fast as you can Hal."
"What about Hanush?"
"What about him?"
"I thought he'd want to speak to me too..."
"Don't forget your place just because you've made a friend in the nobility Hal."
"Right... Have you seen Hans?"
"Not since yesterday morning. Hanush did call for him after arriving as well but that's none of our business."
Janek left without saying goodbye, letting Henry wake himself up and get prepared before meeting Radzig. He looked into his closet, trying to pick out one of his new outfits for the meeting, but he decided to go with Hans's old clothes in the end, after all, they still looked better than anything Henry could afford. He looked at his desk, wine and cups still sitting there after last night.
"I guess Hans forgot to clean up... And so did I."
As he went to pick up the cups, he noticed something that didn't belong there, a book he had kept hidden in his chest, a book that contained parts of him that shouldn't have been seen by anyone else.
A small panic rose inside Henry as he rushed and flipped it open. A thousand thoughts, a million possibilities ran through his mind.
Did Hans see this?
Did Hans read it?
Would he...
Henry swiftly tore out the cursed page where he let his feelings pour, shoving the paper into the trash before running out of the room.
Henry had to see Hans, he had to know if his secrets were revealed. He ran up the castle stairs, rushing to his friend's room, but he found the door open and an empty room. Before Henry could turn around and keep looking, he heard a familiar voice.
"Henry! Finally you're here lad! Come here so we can start discussing the mission."
"Sir... I..."
"No time to waste, come on."
Henry lowered his head and followed his lord silently, not wanting to risk any more trouble than he could already be in.
The meeting room was empty, silent, contrasting Henry's mind. Radzig observed him in silence for an uncomfortable time, staring into his soul before finally speaking.
"You seem worried lad, is it about the mission or someone else?"
"I'm alright sir, just lacking sleep. I heard you have a task for me."
"Indeed I do, and it's a big one. I can't trust anyone else with this."
"If I may ask Sir... Why me? I've barely done much in your service..."
"You've shown to improve at an impressive rate. On top of that I've heard rumours of your magnificent stealth from different sources since we got here."
"I… I haven't been using it for evil!"
"Aye, I wouldn't call sneaking wine evil. Still I know where your skills stand. On top of that, this mission might be lengthy, I can't spare anyone from my garrison."
“So I'm expendable... Again.”
"When do I have to go, sir?"
"You're not concerned about the details?"
"I'll do it, you have my word, I just need a few hours..."
"That'll be fine. I'll give you a rundown."
Radzig leaned forward into his chair, explaining the details of Henry's mission with a serious tone, losing his playful and friendly voice. Henry did his best to remember the details, nodding along at every small information, but his mind kept slipping.
Capon wouldn't leave his brain, even in such a serious moment. Corner of Henry's mind worried, sweated, screamed. The worry taking priority over his mission for split seconds.
Radzig finally finished his briefing.
Make contact with certain criminals.
Blend into their group, find the bandit's main camp and report it to Radzig.
Simple enough.
What could go wrong.
Henry bowed before exiting silently, slowly hurrying his steps to the outside. He had to find capon, immediately. He practically ran out of the castle gates, running up the streets of Rattay, along the usual spots where he could find Hans.
Armory, Tavern, clothes shop, bakery, even the apothecary, there were no signs of his lord in the town. He hurried up to the upper castle, getting surprised by an unusual sight. The large courtyard was being remodelled, a square being fenced off like an arena.
"Henry my boy, glad to see you, come up here!"
"Sir Hanush... Greetings my lord."
Henry hurried up the wooden stairs, nearly tripping in front of the noble that made him even more nervous than Radzig. The noble looked him up and down, as if assessing him before speaking.
"We've decided to reopen the Rattay tournament. Men from my garrison and city, along with Radzig's men and even Lord Divish's servants are allowed to participate."
"I see. Is it to help boost morale Sir?"
"Something of the sort. I assume my nephews told you of your part in this!?"
"Mine?"
"I was scolding him earlier that he had become rather lazy recently, yet he proclaimed that he was busy training his squire. So I went ahead and signed you up for the tourney to show off just what he's taught you!"
"But sir, I leave in the evening for a mission..."
Hanush roughly grabbed his shoulder, squeezing it with more force than necessary before speaking in a lower voice.
"It will begin shortly and you WILL take part. I'm sure Radzig won't mind and neither will you, lad."
A shiver ran down Henry's spine. The touch from the older man was unsettling, the tone deeply chilled his bones. He lost his voice and reason, only nodding to Hanush's command before backing off and walking downstairs, feeling Hanush's cold gaze on his back.
...
The tournament did in fact start fast. Henry waited for his turn while his mind reeled at what he was roped into. Hanush's tone, colder than needed, trying to catch Henry in a trap he didn't know was laid. The lord was after his nephew, in an emotional way, in a way that would diminish his reputation even more.
Henry wouldn't allow it.
He hated the way Hanush treated Hans, the inferiority he made Hans feel every day, the loneliness he thrust upon his nephew while acting like a generous caretaker himself.
Henry would NOT allow it.
...
It was finally his turn in a fight. A random soldier of Divish that he didn't recognise stood in front of him in the same low quality armor as Henry.
The man chose a shortsword and shield.
Henry chose a longsword, the only weapon he had practiced so far.
The first round was between short swords and shields. The protection was foreign for Henry, but he had one advantage in this fight.
The man against him looked even younger than he, and far less experienced, probably hadn't even taken a life before. Henry didn't hesitate, thinking back to his duels with Hans, how his friend would step in confidently, making Henry lose his footing and stance, leading the broken man into dancing in his palm.
Henry got up close to the young fighter, bumping his shield with his enemy's, pushing hard to knock the boy down. He tried to swing his sword, but Henry countered it with his own, pushing the knife into his shoulder right between the plates.
A loud yell rushed out of the boy's throat as he loosened his strength, giving Henry the chance to knock him down.
"and the winner is... HENRY OF SKALITZ!"
Loud clapping came from all around the arena. They were applauding, for Henry!
His smile instantly faded as he looked down at his opponent, white as a ghost as he desperately pressed his palm against his injury, hot tears of pain streaming down his face.
Henry's gut twisted at the sight. He didn't lose control this time. This was all him, going overboard against a boy younger than him, who had done him no wrong.
" Come on Svatya! Don't be such a woman!"
"It's just one injury, how're you going to survive the battlefield!"
"A real man doesn't cry!"
Each word stung Henry's heart, even if they weren't aimed at him. Was this truly the people he wanted to impress, to be liked by, to look towards for approval.
He forgot his purpose here. It was to save Hans even more unnecessary pain. Everything else didn't matter.
He reached into his pouch, wordlessly leaning down next to his fallen opponent while everyone booed the poor guy. Henry brought out a marigold decoction, carefully pouring it out onto the open wound.
"I'm sorry."
The boy's tears stopped, finally his face relaxed from the pained expression. He looked into Henry's eyes, shocked to find compassion from his opponent of all people.
"No it's fine... Thank you."
Henry helped Svatya stand up and walked him to the edge of the arena.
"Due to an injury, Svatya has forfeited, Henry of Skalitz moves on to the next round!"
There was a few applause around him, but it all fell deaf on Henry's ears. He looked up at the stairs to the castle, seeing Hanush observing him with judgmental eyes.
...
Second round came even quicker. A Rattay guard stood in front of Henry, who couldn't quite remember his name, but he didn't care about that at that moment. Henry chose the longsword, so did his opponent. A chivalrous duel awaited them.
"Start the fight!"
Henry tried to step in close like last time, but the guard didn't let him, keeping his distance while swinging from the left at Henry's side. Henry parried the left, following it up with his own slash from below. The guard blocked it, slashing at Henry again. They danced for a few minutes, slashing, blocking, parrying, dodging. Draining each other's stamina then continuing their movement.
Another one of Hans's techniques came to Henry's mind, remembering how Hans slipped past his defenses with his combos.
The guard was overwhelmed within seconds. Henry refused to break his combo's letting the guard hit him once, in exchange getting four hits in himself. Then Henry switched his stance, grabbing the sword closer to the pommel. While the guard was still dazed from the hits, Henry stepped in fast, striking his helmet with his pommel four times in three seconds before hitting the man with his shoulder, knocking him down. Henry held his sword close to the guard's throat, feeling the shaking in his hands, barely keeping a part of himself at bay.
"The victory goes to... Henry of Skalitz!"

Henry reached out his hand but the guard pushed it away, getting up on his own.
Another round was about to begin. Henry stood in his corner, narrowing his eyes at the guard who had kept up with him far longer than most opponents he's faced so far...
"START!"
The guard took initiative this time, trying to step in close first instead, but to his own demise. Henry was already used to such a fighting style, keeping his distance deceptively close, sidestepping at the last second out of an overhead slash and swinging his sword upwards, straight into his opponent's fingers. The guard yelped, loosening his hold on the weapon for a second, a second that Henry needed. He pushed his foot forward, buckling his opponent's before pulling it back, making his opponent not quite fall, but lose his stability. Henry swung hard at his opponent's weapons, knocking it out of his hands and bringing his weapon close to the guard's throat.
"And the winner is... HENRY OF SKALITZ! HE SHALL MOVE ON TO THE FINAL ROUND!"
Henry huffed out a quiet laugh, enjoying himself despite his opponent's look full of hatred. Henry won fair and square without going too far or losing himself, he wouldn't let anything sully his mood. To top off on the nice feeling, he saw Radzig come up to the arena, spot him and immediately rush to Hanush to scold him.
As Henry left the arena, he saw Radzig motion him to get close. He obeyed, keeping his head down like a puppy in trouble.
"Lad, I give you an important mission and you sign yourself up for a beating!?"
"I. I'm sorry sir, Lord Hanush told me to..."
"Are you Hanush's servant, or are you mine?"
"Technically I'm Sir Hans's..."
"What was that!?"
"Nothing, sir... I was told to protect Sir Hans's honor, I couldn't back out."
"You're going to get yourself killed in there!"
"Come now Radzig. I may have been skeptical at first, but the boy's doing quite well..."
"You stay quiet Hanush, I'll deal with you later!" - the tired lord turned his gaze back to his... Ward. His expression softened at the sight of the miserable squire, just trying his best.
"Did you win at least?"
"Sir?... I've made it to the final round..."
"I see... Well done Hal. Your parents would be proud of ya."
"I somehow doubt that, sir."
"Trust me..." - he placed his hand on Henry's shoulder, his slightly spiky ears twitching as he squeezed Henry, not roughly, like Hanush, but with compassion and... care?
"Thank you, sir. I'll make you proud."
Henry bowed before going back down the stairs, getting surprised that the other finalists round was already over.
He looked closer to see a man with a similar build, a guard from Skalitz that Henry had disliked since he was little...
...
Blood rushed to Henry's head, painting his spiky ears and tip of his nose in an angry tone of red.
The man stood in front of Henry. He had a large frame and years of experience behind him, yet all Henry could think of was his distaste for the guy. He couldn't even name a major reason for this feeling, just a blurry recollection of his childhood, biting remarks made at his queer behaviour by boys his age, some older women... This man.
Henry chose the longsword. The man chose a warhammer.
They stood across the arena from each other, yet Henry could feel himself lose focus, control. The man looked at him with the same look that always made Henry hate him.
The first round of longswords went surprisingly fast. Despite his experience, the man didn't fight back much against Henry, allowing the young squire to get a few hits in before forfeiting on his own.
"...HENRY OF SKALITZ!"
Henry's eyes narrowed at the man, his easy posture, his mocking smile, eyes that acted like he knew everything...
"This bastard’s playing with me."

…

Second round began. Henry was holding a weapon that was unfamiliar, yet felt right in his hands, reminding him of the forge. A part of his life he had yet to reclaim...
His thinking was interrupted by the frame of the huge man rushing forward, wildly swinging the hammer. It only took Henry a second to understand just how dangerous the weapon he wielded was. One good hit to the head and everything could go wrong...
He dodged a swing from above, but failed to see an immediate follow up from the right, injuring his right shoulder.
“Sakra... This bastard! Fine then, he wants to play with his food. I'll play him back!”
Henry had no experience with using or fighting against a warhammer, so he'd use this chance instead, observing the man with focused eyes. The technique, the hold, the force of the swings, screaming with experience, experience Henry could imitate.
Dodge, another dodge, a block, step back and parry. He played defensively, and when he noticed himself running out of stamina, he raised his hand, forfeiting the round.
The man stopped his swing that was about to hit Henry’s head mid air, chuckling at the display of idiocy from his opponent.
"Always a coward, weren't you, little Hal."
"I'll make you forget that name, bastard!"
"Do you even know my name, kid?"
"No."
"Well I know a lot about you, more than you think. How about you let me win the next round and I'll tell you all about it."
Henry looked into his eyes, at this miserable excuse of a man before chuckling - "I don't need anything from a whoreson like you."
"Fighters, take your corners!"
Henry stepped into his place, readying the warhammer and staring at the pitifull soldier in front of him.
"Fight!"
Both of them stepped in close, fast. They swung straight at each other's heads, the hammers meeting midair in a loud clash of iron on iron. It wasn't graceful like a longsword, it was rough, raw, drawing more and more of Henry's venom out of him. Henry loved it, loved using the hammer more than he expected.
It was like being in the forge again, hammering away at another sword, enjoying the quiet with his dad close by, understanding each other for once.
The man swung at his arm from the right, Henry withstood the pain, bringing down his own weapon from above and striking the man's shoulder with full force, making him scream out in pain and loosen his grip on the weapon.
...
Henry hammered away at the sword, watching the sparks, making sure to space out his hits before turning the weapon. His father whistled besides him while sorting the already finished product.
...
The man switched his hammer to the other Hand, not backing down. He did something Henry didn't expect, grabbing the top of the hilt with his fingers, using it to add power to his punches instead as he struck Henry's chest twice. Henry gasped out for air, his eyes blurred for a second.
...
"I don't like that you insist on leaving this place Hal..."
"Not this again, come on pa!"
"You're a great blacksmith already, you could even confidently take over the forge, have a stable life, free of danger."
"It's not what I want."
"And what is it you want? To brew potions with your Ma your whole life? That's not a life for men like you."
"That's not it! Just leave it Pa, please..."
"Why not just tell us what you want then!"
"You wouldn't understand..."
...
Henry finally lost control, watching from a different perspective as his body steadied after the attack, changing his grip on the warhammer. He pushed the opponent back with one Hand, held up his hammer and...
He threw it.
It hit the man right in the nose, knocking him back with blood gushing out of his nose and mouth.
Henry regained control, falling backwards onto the ground. Radzig rushed towards him, Hanush not far off behind.
"And the champion isss.... HENRY OF SKALITZ!"
A mix of applause and dislike went through the arena, but it all fell flat on Henry's ears. His face drained of blood, his arms and legs shook. Radzig grabbed his arm, making him stand up and helping him stabilize. Henry pointed at his opponent with shaky hands, Radzig stood in front of him to block the view.
"He'll make it Lad, don't worry... Well fought, I'm impressed..."
"Indeed boy, nicely fought! I see my nephew wasn't joking about training you well!"
Right, that was the whole point. Henry had lost himself in his unresolved anger against the man he didn't even know the name of.
Hanush complimented him more, even giving him an expensive looking pair of gauntlets before leaving. Radzig stayed with him for a minute longer, telling Henry to rest up before going on his mission, but the young squire barely comprehended anything, taking off as soon as Radzig stepped away. He ran down the streets of Rattay, through the main gate, past the bathhouse and the mill, to a small, colorful field of flowers where he and Hans once found each other in comfort.
He pushed the branches away, slowly stepping into the familiar sight of the painted valley and in the middle, was an extremely bright collection of colors.
"Hal?"
Henry dropped the gauntlets he didn't even realize were still in his grasp.
"You bastard, where have you been all day!"
"I had a lot on my mind... What happened to you? You look beaten."
"You think!?"
"Watch your tone… friend."
"I went looking for you in the upper castle to..."
"Why?"
"I, it doesn't matter now. Hanush caught me, basically threatened me to participate in a tournament and prove that you've been training me!"
"He what? That bastard... Fuck, I'm sorry Henry I had no idea he'd take it that far."

Hans stood up, walking closer to Henry, perhaps to place his hand on Henry's shoulder and calm him, ground him like he had before, but he pulled away at the last second. A movement of nervousness, hesitation...
Disgust...
Henry's heart nearly died.
His voice came out coarse, barely keeping himself from breaking -"I won."
"Henry, I could kiss you! I knew you wouldn't let me do..."
"S-stop it! Capon!"
"What?"
"I know you read it..."
"Hal I have no idea what you mean."
"Don't... DON'T LIE TO ME!"
Henry's anger, desperation, fear, dread... Love...
They all mixed into an unsatisfying combination within him. He pushed Hans back, making the noble lose his footing and fall onto the ground.
"Henry! Like I said..."
"Stop it! All these lies, this facade of yours, drop it for once Capon! Just tell me, tell me you hate me, that you judge me, that you wish things were different... Just tell me something and let me fuck off to die in a ditch somewhere!"
"You want me to stop the lies!? When did you ever stop, arsehole!? All this time, all those moments, every kindness, every tolerance you showed me..."
Hans's voice cracked, unable to speak, to talk back, to explain himself, freezing at Henry's loud tone like he would at Hanush's. The sun was hitting him from above, yet his skin was stone cold. Henry stared at him from the shadows, his darkness almost taking physical shape, or that's what it seemed like.
"And what could I tell you! That I'm damned for eternity? That I want to... Take you with me?"
"Henry..."
"You'd never understand, you, just a bird in a fancy cage, a silver spoon up your arse..."
"Henry..."
"I'm a monster, an abomination, something destined for hell! You're an angel... Why did you let me think I could share your light."
"I don't under..."
"Of course you don't. This whole time, you've been teasing me, treating me better than anyone ever has, better than anyone ever will, yet we know it won't happen, it can't. So just leave me... Stop your cruelty... Please."
"Hal!"
Henry didn't look back, disappearing into the forest and running off into the world, ready to commit more sin that would make his parents anything but proud.
"I'd never ask you to change yourself..."
A broken voice of Hans echoed through the forest, unheard by anyone, not even god.

Notes:

Can you guess which parts I'm projecting („• ᴗ •„)
I realized I haven't acted nearly enough on the internalized homophobia, being in a monastery next chapter won't help either. I love Henry I swear (ദ്ദി˙ᗜ˙)

Chapter 11: an unexpected companion

Summary:

Henry goes to the Monastery of Sasau to eliminate Pious, a bandit who took part in the Neuhof massacre. By taking Pious out, Henry can get the trust of the bandit's that can lead him to the location of the camp and leaders that have been raising havoc in the region. However Henry's heart wavers and breaks, missing Hans and dealing with a new tease.

Notes:

EXPLICIT WARNING!!!
I've decided to switch the work from Mature to Explicit rating, starting out with Pious x Henry smut because recently kcd artists are driving me crazy ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ I'm sorry if you came here expecting an explicit free work, I always planned on eventual smut between the hans/Henry scene or with bartosch, but pious is too handsome. ok hope you enioy the chapter (⁄ ⁄•⁄ꇴ⁄•⁄ ⁄)⁄

Henry finally shed the weight of his armour, yet the weight on his soul dragged him down more than any metal could.
He was about to sin, again, solidifying his seat in hell.
“Everything is prepared, it’s time for you to take your vows!”
Henry opened his eyes and stood up, the strange feeling of novice robes wrapped around him gave him an uncomfortable itch. A priest he didn’t know stood in the doorway of the small room, blocking the sun from reaching Henry’s eyes
“Do I really have to wear this?”
“You’d better get used to it. You’ll be wearing it for the rest of your life.”
The man led him outside, across the dirty road in the monastery, guiding Henry to the grand building that promised to imprison Henry for the rest of his life. As they approached the door, a voice made Henry look back.
“Henry!?”
“Johanka? Wait no… I don’t know you!”
“What do you mean, where the fuck have you been all this time!”
“I said I don’t know you ma’am, please calm down.”
The priest stared at Henry with eyes full of questions. Henry was undercover under a different name and couldn’t let his childhood friend get him exposed. Johanka gasped in shock at Henry’s feigned forgetfulness, but as she took a closer look, her eyes turned from anger to worry.
“Don’t tell me you’re becoming a monk!”
“I might be. Please tell Theresa to take care of Mutt!”
Before the girl could respond, the priest nudged Henry inside the monastery, shutting him away from the rest of the world.
The halls were so tall, yet Henry never felt so claustrophobic.
They walked in silence through the grand monastery, filled with history, sustained with pride, claiming to be the house of god.
It was eerily silent.
The priest led Henry to the sound of harmonized music, a chapel filled with people dressed in dark robes, except for four young men who stood on the side and listened with their heads down. The priest pointed next to them, nudging Henry to stand there. Henry put his head down, avoiding eye contact with anyone and started walking towards the group dressed similarly to him.
The music was beautiful, yet his mind was terrified.
Every eye in the room followed him, observed and judged him.
Henry stepped a little too far before a young novice pinched his robe, signaling to stop there. He looked at the other novices, all of them nodding in greeting, unable to communicate anything more in the moment.
“Brothers in Christ, we have gathered here today to welcome a new novice into our midst.”
Henry felt like his body would burst into flames at any moment.
“Dear brother, forget your former life and embrace your new vocation in the community of the monks of St.Benedict.”
He signed a cross across Henry’s body, making the young boy shift in discomfort. The priest coughed once in warning before continuing.
“Opus Dei, boedientia, opprobia - The service of God, obedience and endurance of all discomfort.”
“These are the cornerstones and succour of our order, which, on this day, shall become your own.”
A man next to Henry stared at him harder than necessary, looking over Henry’s physique and face with cautious eyes. Henry turned his head, staring back with a furrowed face before easing his expression into a smile.
He was going to kill one of these novices, best not to let any of them expect it.
He and the man stared into each other’s eyes, trying to read each other, slip past the defenses, discover each other’s dirty secrets…
This wasn’t normal, nor was it what Henry expected to be doing in a monastery.
“Suscipe me, domine,”- The priest started singing and Henry tried to ignore it, unwilling to break the eye contact with the novice, but the man shifted his eyes towards the priest, signing that Henry had to listen -”Secundum, eloquium tuum et vivam.”
Henry was already lost, unable to recognize or properly remember the words. He looked back at the man beside him, who only smirked in a smug manner, setting something aflame in Henry.
“Et non confundas me ab expectatione mea!”
An awkward silence befell the chapel before the novice leaned towards Henry, whispering him to sing. Henry looked at him with a confused face, then back at the priest who was impatiently signing him to repeat.
“Suscipe me, domiiine” -His tone was off-pitch, his pronunciation was insulting to the language, but he had to keep going- “Domine, secundum…”
He looked around in panic, unable to remember the next words until the novice leaned in close again - “eloquium tuum et vivam.”
Henry continued his singing, the words mostly coming back to him - “Eloquium tomate viiii-vam.”
Every man in the chapel kept their gaze on Henry, a mix of judgement, irony and ridicule could be felt in the silence, smothering Henry’s throat and tying his tongue.
“Et… et non confundas… Me ab expectatione mee… eee… a!”
A tear was barely held back from falling down Henry’s face.
The priest looked at him with impatient and angered eyes before calming his demeanour and slowly breathing out.
“Accept your new name, brother Gregor, and wear it with honour. Welcome, brother.”
Henry finally breathed in, relaxing his tense shoulders now that he was out of the stressful and embarrassing situation. The novices slowly approached, shaking his hand before leaving, all except the dark and thick haired novice that helped before.
“Welcome brother. I’m Antonius, a novice like you. I’ve been instructed to guide you around the monastery and tell you what you can expect and what your duties will be.
“Thanks for helping me out… I had no idea what I was supposed to do.”
“You don’t know Latin, do you? Don’t worry - work in the scriptorium will teach you fast enough. Why exactly are you here? Was it your choice or did someone force you to come here?”
“I’m being punished. If it were up to me, I’d still be getting drunk at the tavern in the evening and whoring at night.”
“I don’t envy you. Unfortunately, you're here for the rest of your life.”
“Would you tell me something about yourself?”
“Only if you tell me first, brother Gregor.”
Antonius leaned forward, keeping his face only centimeters away from Henry and staring into his eyes, smiling in a teasing manner, enjoying how Henry’s ears instantly brightened…
Henry did his best to compose himself, voice almost cracking as he made up a fake personality, loosely based on a certain someone’s. He eased his face into a charming smile of a noble, slicked back his hair and stared back at Antonius.
“There’s not much to know about me. Like I said, I came from a rich family and I’d always be caught whoring or boozing…”
Antonius raised his eyebrows with doubt written all over his face before correcting his expression, turning his back at Henry.
“Well then, brother Gregor, follow me if you want to survive this boozeless and whoreless place.”
Antonius started walking with confidence that Henry couldn’t spot in the other novices, but he couldn’t quite put a finger on the feeling it brought him either.
“I told you about me, Won’t you tell me about yourself?”
“I’m here because I’d make a poor merchant. I like books and I want to have an education. Although I must say… The monastic life has been quite unexpected.”
They walked into a decently large room, where four long tables were set up next to each other. Henry looked around, trying to remember as many details as he could for his mission.
“Where does that door lead to?”
“The kitchen as far as I know, we’re forbidden from going in there.”
“Why?”
“To avoid the Sin of Gluttony” was the reason I was told, they don’t want us stealing extra food.”
“And if the food they give us isn’t enough?”
“Tough luck, you’ll have to get used to it… I already have.”*
They walked back into the hallway, where two men with strict eyes passed them silently without taking their eyes off the novices.
“Those guys are the circators, they enforce the rules so don’t get on their bad side. If they catch you outside of where you shouldn’t be it could be a day in the dungeon or worse.”
“Why did they look at you like that?”
“I might’ve gotten myself into trouble in my first week here, which is why I’m warning you to be careful.”
“I don’t plan on doing anything.”
“Sure you don’t.”
Antonius suddenly turned around, grabbing Henry’s arm and dragging him into an empty room filled with books. He cornered Henry into a wall, not letting the new novice escape.
“I don’t think you realize, brother Gregor, how bad of a liar you are.”
Henry’s ears perked, his mouth slightly opened before closing again. His mission had only just begun, yet he was already failing. Antonius didn’t miss the clues, but instead of getting angry or threatening Henry, he just poked the man’s cheek with his finger and huffed out a quiet laugh.
“Everyone here has terrible secrets, a past they don’t want to talk about. You don’t have to tell me yours, but don’t think you’re the only one haunted by the ghosts of their acts.”
Henry slowly nodded, taking in the words. The novice was right, it was easy to forget that everyone has their own problems.
The world wasn’t just against him.
“I understand, Antonius… Now get off me.”
The novice looked at him with surprise before backing off, slowly raising his hands in a joking gesture.
“This is the scriptorium where you’ll be working after noon. You’ll easily learn latin here if you stick to it for a good amount of time.”
Antonius put his charming smile back on, moving his head to point at Henry that they were leaving the room.
He walked in front again with Henry following with his head down, like a lost little lamb.
“Does the church make you uncomfortable, brother?”
“A bit.”
“I see.”
“It’s so big, but it feels like I’m suffocating.”
“That’s how I always felt when attending mass. Some say it’s the weight of your sins weighing you down in the house of god.”
“You don’t look troubled by it.”
“You get used to the weight after some time. I’m sure you understand.”
Henry raised his head in surprise, observing Antonius with a careful gaze. He didn’t like how this novice was working around his defenses like a certain someone…
There wasn’t much left to show and they finished the tour in only a few minutes.
“If you need help with anything, or need someone to cover for you, you can ask me, I’m sure we can rely on each other.”
“Aye, thank you, brother Antonius.”
Antonius left Henry at the altar where their tour began, walking to the scriptorium to attend to his duties. Henry looked around, in awe at the impressive architecture before collecting his thoughts.
Four novices, one of them was a bandit named Pious who took part in the Neuhof massacre. Henry winced at the memory he had tried to forget, the bodies, all the blood, the two bandits he massacred not long after witnessing the tragic sight…
The sun shone through the gaps in the ceiling, illuminating the altar. As if a sign from god, a reflection hit Henry’s eyes, grabbing his attention. Henry walked to the source of it, only to find a single lockpick hidden behind the altar.
“What would a monk need a lockpick for…”
Maybe the priests here weren’t so holy.
Henry wanted to avoid any unnecessary killing, instead deciding to look around the church while he was free of duties to think of different plans. He could steal an unique item from one of the novices and show it to the bandits as proof of murder, but he would have no idea which item would be convincing enough.
He could fake a murder, helping one of the novices escape if they wanted to.
He looked up at the balcony above the altar, it was still empty, same as in the morning.
A drop from there would kill someone, or make a convincing lie of a murder.
How to find the correct target was the main mystery. He could try approaching the novices, but talking to the wrong one could prove deadly.

…
Henry crouched behind a corner, hoping to avoid the circators. It was only his third day in the monastery but he was already late for his duties. The two circators walked past his corner without turning their heads, missing the man trying to blend into the walls. Suddenly another set of footsteps approached from behind, making Henry turn around in panic before making out the silhouette.
“Gregor, what are you doing here?”
“Me? What are you doing here?”
“I got… delayed on my way to the scriptorium.”
“So did I. Come on, we’re almost there.”
Antonius and Henry walked with hurried footsteps across the long halls, keeping themselves from sprinting to avoid unnecessary attention. FInally, they reached the door to the scriptorium. Antonius poked his head in first to make sure no one was watching the door before signing Henry to go in with him. The two novices walked silently to their stations next to each other’s, picking up the books that needed to be copied and written down. A small chuckle escaped Antonius before speaking to Henry without turning his head.
“Third day and already late, you’ll get kicked out in no time at this point.”
“I was just… Looking around. Why were you late!?”
“I was trading with one of the brothers.”
“You can trade stuff with them? I thought…”
“Not so loud!” - Antonius pressed his finger against Henry’s lips before continuing to whisper - “not many things are allowed in this damn place but some priests do it anyway, you just need to know where to look.”
“And how do I do that.”
“Maybe someone will teach you, if you’re nice to them.” - Antonius ceremoniously coughed while pointing at himself before cracking his charming smile again.
“Do you know where the priests get the food from?”
“Maybe? What’s it to you?”
“I wanted to ask for something, but I couldn’t figure out how to get it in here…”
Henry looked down at his book, trying to hide his face, embarrassed for sharing what he was doing without thinking it through. The latin words on the pages were foreign to him, a bit alike to the writing Hans had taught him yet distinct enough to throw off his eyes. A priest came close to their table before Antonius could respond, observing their work.
“Hurry it up, brothers, you’re behind schedule today!”
“Of course, Sir. We apologize.”
As the priest walked away, Antonius turned back to Henry with a more serious face.
“In the room next to the dining hall, there’s a list. If you sneak in and add what you want, they’ll buy it and you can steal it the next morning without anyone knowing.” - His face fell back into his smug smile - “It wouldn’t be very holy though, brother. You’re naughtier than one would expect from your looks.”
“Yet you know exactly where I need to go, at least your real self matches your outside.”
“That’s a rude way to call someone knowledgeable.”
“It’s rude to call me of all people naughty…”
“If you say so, you can deny it all you want.”
They continued their work in silence, unable to continue the conversation with the priest hovering close above them. Henry sometimes asked Antonius for help with understanding the letters. The novice was more than happy to help, getting too close into Henry’s personal space at every chance.
Henry tried not to think about it.
Unsuccessfully, but he tried.
…
Henry stood on the edge of the empty balcony above the chapel. Moonlight poured in, lightly illuminating his slumped and exhausted body. Nightmares had become even worse than before, after his argument with Hans. It was so easy now to come up with a thousand better ways he should’ve handled it.
One thing he regretted most was not letting Hans speak. He knew his friend, knew about his insecurities, how he’d lose his tongue when someone important was angry at him, yet Henry disregarded it in his anger, hurting his closest friend…
Henry’s body was exhausted, mind felt like it would be set on fire any second now, but it still refused to let Henry sleep, to rest, to manage his energy. With no access to the potions, Henry’s body was forgetting how to function.
He heard footsteps approaching from behind, not bothering to look, recognizing the unmistakable rhythm.
“You’re always brooding, brother Gregor. Care to share?”
“I don’t sleep well…”
“Don’t or can’t?”
“Both. I used to make some potions that helped me have energy for the day, or to sleep when I wanted to, but without those, exhaustion has been taking over me faster and faster here, yet I can never seem to sleep…”
“Cockerel?”
Henry looked up at the novice standing next to him, illuminated in the moonlight, his long brown hair reflecting the light onto Henry. It was almost a heavenly sight…
Almost…
“How would you know?”
“I told you I came here to get an education. And you can rely on me here…”
Antonius sat down next to Henry, dangling his feet down the edge. He looked over at Henry, observing his posture, his tired eyes, his thinning frame.
“How did you hold yourself together, before coming here?”
“What?”
“You’re falling apart, Gregor. You know it as well… What happened to you?”
“Have you heard of Skalitz?”
“Aye… Were you there?”
“I ran that day… Like a coward.”
“That’s not…”
“You ask me how I’ve held myself together until now? It was because of my… friend. But I’ve hurt him and I can never face him properly again.”
“So you ran, again?”
“Aye.”
“I don’t see it as cowardice.”
Antonius slightly tilted his head sideways to look at Henry, making the man’s heart skip a beat. This gesture, this damn head tilt that always reminded him of his sun…
Antonius held his hand, pressed to the ground, and slowly leaned in towards Henry.
Henry backed off, running away once more, despite his promise.
A tear ran down Henry’s face and it didn’t escape Pious’s attention.
Comfort found in the wrong place, love misplaced onto the wrong face.
It didn’t feel right, but it didn’t feel wrong either.
…
Another week had passed in the monastery, yet Henry was still lost.
He attended mass in the morning, brewed potions, copied down Latin books, asked around a bit more, not enough to arouse suspicion, but enough to find out who his target was. Henry expected to hate the monastery life, but the routine was more comforting than he could have anticipated, if only half the people here didn’t make his skin crawl with their shallow masks of holiness.
…
The circators pointed him toward Lucas, a fellow novice who looked more timid than anyone else, and barely spoke to anyone. Something about him felt familiar to Henry, but he shook that feeling as he stalked behind the novice, waiting for a perfect chance to corner Lucas when suddenly a hand grabbed his shoulder.
“Gregor? Why are you following Lucas?”
“Antonius… why would you care anyway, you’ve barely spoken to me since that night.”
“Not so loud, Gregor! People might get the wrong idea.”
“Oh yeah? And what is the right idea?”
“That’s not import…”
“Then leave me alone. You want to avoid extra trouble, don’t you?”
Henry walked off in a hurry, chasing after Lucas before he lost him.
Antonius didn’t let up, keeping up his footsteps with Henry.
“That novice is corrupt, you know.”
“What do you mean by that?”
“He’s a sodomite.”
Henry froze in place from the sudden rumor. Antonius bumped into him from behind and stood back, observing Henry’s reaction to the unusual news, carefully.
“Wh-what does that matter, it’s not what I wanted to ask him!”
“Just thought I’d give you a heads up in case he tries to corrupt you…”
“Just fuck off antonius, they’d… he’d never do that and you know it.”
“Watch your tongue Gregor, you don’t want to step on the wrong foot here, you never know what the people will think.”
Antonius turned around and swiftly turned the corner, his footsteps echoing through the empty halls.
Henry remained frozen in space, unable to process the information he’d received. Until then, sodomites like him were never more than a myth, outside of him and Bianca, he’d never met anyone else…
None that he knew about at least.
Henry decided to leave Lucas alone for the day, needing more confirmation before listening to rumors. After noon, Henry and Antonius worked in the scriptorium. His understanding of Latin writing had gotten a lot better, even earning praise from his new friend, although the actual words were still nothing but holy gibberish to Henry.
Unexpectedly, the priest overlooking their progress exited the room without a word, giving Henry a rare opportunity to look into the forbidden book.
On a pedestal next to the forbidden shelf lay the abbott’s journal, where he kept the information about the entire monastery.
Henry distanced himself from his table without a word. Antonius didn’t even notice until he heard the distant sound of pages turning rapidly, turning to see Henry speedily reading through the abbott’s notes.
Antonius rushed over to Henry, swiftly closing the book in front of the boy and firmly placing his hand over it - “Have you gone insane Gregor! They’ll imprison you for days if they catch you!”
Henry looked up at Antonius, his gaze narrowed, his face tenser than normal. His eyes spoke of shock, which, Antonius could only hope, was caused by something other than the book.
“Antonius you…”
Before Henry could finish his sentence, the priest’s footsteps echoed through the hall, making the novices get back to their desks in swift speed.
Antonius and Henry kept shooting glares at each other, both hoping what they suspected about the other to not be true.
…

As they were heading to evening mass, Henry dragged his feet, purposefully falling behind to find someone. He saw it, the dirty blond hair of a fellow novice that he wanted to ask a million questions to. Henry silently went up behind the man before placing a hand on the novice’s shoulder. Lucas jumped in place and quickly turned around with tense posture. He relaxed his body as he saw Henry, towering over him, yet still somehow looking pitiful.
“W-what do you need, brother Gregor?”
“Can we talk? Please.”
“I’m sorry, I’m not a very talkative person.” - he turned to leave before things escalated, but Henry gripped his arm, reducing the chances of no conflict to near zero -”Fine, but peacefully. I don’t want trouble.”
Lucas pointed with his eyes to an empty alchemy room next to them, leading Henry in before anyone could spot them talking.
“Talking to me is risky, you know, you’ll get a reputation…“
“I see… I’ve heard that you… well, that you enjoy the company of other men. Is there any truth to it?”
“What?” - Lucas' calm voice broke in an instant - “How do you know that?”
“I read it in the Abbot's book”
“What? The abbot’s book is locked up in his chambers! Did you sneak in there just to get dirt on me?”
“No, no. I was looking for something else, but I just happened to come across your… story.”
“No matter what you were looking for, you crossed a line that shouldn’t be crossed. Don’t worry, I won’t tell on you if you don’t tell anyone else… please.”
“You misunderstand, I just…”
“Yes. You can call me a sodomite, a sinner, the spawn of satan… But tell me this, Gregor… Can I help the way I am? I tell you, It’s a test of my faith! A test so daunting you can’t even imagine it!”
Henry’s mouth gapped, but he couldn’t find the words. The pain in Lucas’s eyes, they were the same as his, plagued by the melancholy of being different, but the novice took it differently to Henry… unlike Henry, Lucas did the correct thing, rejecting the ugliness of himself and dedicating himself to god…
It would be cruel to burden him with Henry’s sins as well, even if Henry didn’t consider Lucas’s choices to be the right ones either.
A man who tried so hard to fight himself, shouldn’t be disturbed by a coward like Henry who only hid himself away in fear…
“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to say it as judgement, I just found it interesting. You are who you are, who am I to say otherwise…”
A half truth, a minimal confession, hope that the understanding would be realized. Lucas looked at him with confusion before widening his eyes.
He understood.
He stayed silent.
“Can I ask you another question, please.”
“I… Sure.”
“Antonius, do you know anything about him?”
“I don’t speak with many people. But he’s loose with the rules, friends with the circators, quite sneaky too.”
“I see, thank yo…”
Something caught Henry’s attention, the hem of a novice’s robe disappearing around the corner. He walked past Lucas before he could finish his sentence, stepping outside to see who was listening in on them. But the hallways were already empty. Henry turned back to Lucas, who stared at him in confusion.
“Thank you, brother Lucas… for everything.”
“I didn’t do much though.”
“You did. You’re not alone, I hope you know that. God would understand…”
Henry stepped into the hallway, sneaking past the circators to avoid punishment and disappearing into this holy den of sin.

…
Lockpick, pig’s blood, extra monk’s robe.
Henry hid all his necessary item’s below a loose tile under his bed while everyone was away. He heard footsteps approaching, quickly closing the gap again before standing up.
“Brother Antonius… Do you need something?”
“Yes, they’re calling the two of us for early breakfast before we get some different duties for the day.”
“Different?”
“Just come already.”
“I’ll be right down in a minute…”
Antonius didn’t wait, walking back down the stairs. Henry took the rare chance of being alone in the dormitory to sneak around, checking the Novices’ personal chests with the help of his single lockpick.
Most of them were empty or held nothing special, except for Antonius’. Normal at first glance, Henry dragged his fingers across his friend’s robe in an unexpected fondness, but a sudden hardness beneath the robe snapped him back to reality. He quickly took out the robe to see a small dagger hidden beneath the everyday items.
There was little to doubt anymore.
Antonius had to have been Henry’s target this whole time.
A cowardly bandit who took part in the massacre and then ran.
Henry heard footsteps coming up the stairs again, quickly closing the chest and running to the entrance to avoid any suspicions cast on him.
“Antonius…”
“Gregor come on already, we’ve got to eat early today!”
“I’m coming, I’m coming!”
They walked down the stairs in tense silence, both aware and unaware at the same moment that they knew everything about the other person.
At least they thought they did.
Henry followed Antonius, warily staying a couple steps behind the novice. The dining hall was empty, except for two plates.
“Just eat up and I’ll tell you about our new task.”
“All right.”
Henry was still starving, and the meal looked more filling than the others he had received over the weeks. Antonius barely touched his food, glaring at Henry with his usual smug smirk that didn’t seem unusual anymore.
“I’ve been told you’ve been snooping around the entire monastery, just what is it you’re after.”
Henry hesitated mid bite, trying his best to control his expression before flashing a confident smile at Antonius.
“I’m here to look for a certain someone. His old mates are looking for him and the prize is too great to pass up.”
Antonius’s face dropped immediately, anger and fear dancing between the edges of his usual smile. Henry felt a strange wave of exhaustion, unlike his constant tiredness.
“Sakra” - He immediately rose to his feet, taking a fighting stance in front of Antonius who didn’t fall behind.
“Don’t swear in the house of god, brother Gregor, you’ll be talking soon enough.”
“The fuck did you feed me!”
“Just some Lullaby potion.”
“Bastard…”
Henry’s body slumped forward, unable to balance himself. Antonius caught him, smirking as he dragged Henry’s fightless body past the dormitory, above the chapel, onto the balcony where their lips nearly met the other night…

…
A harmonized choir accompanied Henry’s dreams and nightmares.
The months after the Skalitz raid…
The pain, the grief, meeting with Capon, the tender touches, the disgusted reaction of Hans…
All of it played in a cycle inside Henry’s mind.
He had messed up his one true friendship, and he’d never be able to take it back.
The harmony mixed into Henry’s dreams, accompanying the beauty and enhancing the ugliness.
Suddenly, Hans of his dreams turned around to face Henry observing his memories.
“I thought you’d never run away again.”
“I thought you’d never lie to me.”
“I hoped you’d understand.”
Henry felt a sudden force on his shoulder, shaking him awake.
Hans’s voice faltered, changed, mixed with a man’s who had been observing Henry for weeks.
“Wake up already, god damn it!”
Henry fluttered his eyes, trying to take in the sight, but his vision was still blurry. He was at the familiar empty space where he had spent many sleepless nights in the monastery, and Antonius stood in front of him. Moonlight shone down onto the space, illuminating the loneliness of the two sinners.
Henry tried to speak, but he felt a cloth stuffed into his mouth holding back his voice. He looked up in shock and panic at the man standing in front of him, a man who had lost his usual confident demeanor, staring down at Henry with an unexplained expression.
“Who are you? I can’t imagine you’d join the bandits after what they did to you. Why are you after me!”
Of course. Pious. His closest friend in the monastery was his target the whole time. Henry tried to speak, tried to sign to Pious that he was going to explain himself, but Pious leaned in front of him and placed his palm over Henry’s mouth, silencing him even more.
“I’m going to tell you a story, and you’re going to listen.”
Pious’s cold gaze stared into Henry’s slumped eyes, filled with fear and something else, to the shock of both…
“Once upon a time, there was a young boy. He was lost and miserable because he had no future. He was tempted by his friends into doing some foolish things.”
Henry tried to reach forward, to something, but he realized that his hands were tied behind his back, his arms too weakened by the potion to break free.
“But he wasn’t truly bad, because when it came down to it, he ran away rather than keep doing foolish deeds.”
Henry shifted in his predicament, trying to break free, he sturdied his legs and leant his back against the wall to slowly rise to his feet. Pious didn’t interrupt him, instead continuing his fable.
“His former friends didn’t take kindly to that though and wanted to punish him. So, they sent a hunting dog to find him and rip out his throat…”
Pious walked forward, reaching out his arms and placing them against the wall around Henry, trapping him in his grasp.
“The boy wasn’t stupid though. He knew the hound was coming and gave him poisoned food. The boy felt terrible for the beast, both were the pawns of someone else’s game… So I’m giving you one last chance, Henry of Skalitz.”
Henry’s eyes widened. He hadn’t told anyone his real name since he got to Sasau, yet Pious somehow found out. He looked up at the man, taking in his words. Henry had no choice but to believe them, not because of his predicament, but because of the look of Pious’s eyes. Of a man who has been through a lot, who was ridden with guilt and only wanted peace. Who also suffered from melancholy…
Pious removed his hand from Henry’s mouth, taking the cloth out with it. Henry coughed, saliva dripped down on his throat as he tried to catch his breath. Pious didn’t change his expression, still keeping Henry trapped between his grasp. Henry finally managed to speak out, not with thought, but emotions behind his words.
“So all the niceties, every offer of help, that night… It was all a lie. Again. God fucking damn it!”
“Henry!”
“I can’t stand it anymore.” - Henry’s knees gave out as he slid back down to his previous position, sitting on the floor with his back against the monastery’s walls.
“Everyone, all of you. All you do is lie, pretend, act.”
“It wasn’t a lie, Gre… Henry. Just another part of myself I’ve locked up to survive. You get that, don’t you?”
“I wish I didn’t. I love someone, but I’ve hurt them with my lies and cowardice.”

Pious knelt in front of Henry, cupping the young man’s face to make him look up at him.
Henry barely held back his tears, his eyes had finally lost their light. He didn’t fight back against Pious anymore, as if accepting his end right then and there.
“Let it all out, Henry of Skalitz. We’re more alike than you’d think.”
“Cowards.”
“Both of us.”
Pious leaned closer toward Henry, and the young squire didn’t pull back. Their lips met for the first time, but it felt the heaviest it had ever felt for either of them. A connection of understanding, of lives similarly wasted, of futures snuffed out too early.
The kiss was desperate, the need to confirm it was real was higher than anything else Henry had felt. He imagined it so many times, his first kiss, his first partner, but never like this, never with someone like Pious, never in a monastery.
Pious leant back, separating the twor.
“I never wanted to kill you, Pious.”
“It’s Pavel. Pious is just a nickname from my former friends…”
“I’m sorry.”
“Just let it all go, just for tonight. We’ll have more than enough time to worry later.”
Henry wanted to grab his face, to kiss it, slap it, pull it, but he was reminded of his binds with his failed attempt. Pious smirked before slowly lifting up Henry’s robes up to his knees. He put his head under the robes and moved forward, bringing his mouth towards Henry’s braies. A soft moan escaped Henry, echoing through the grand chapel. Pious moved the rest of his upper body under Henry’s robes, tugging at the strings holding up Henry’s braies. He loosened them and bit into the string, slowly pulling it down and freeing Henry for the first time in his life.
Henry leaned his head back against the cold wall, holding in his breath and biting his lip to hold back any more sounds from echoing through the chapel.
Not very successfully.
As Pavel’s hot breath approached Henry’s cock, the shiver made a whimper escape his mouth. Pious swifty brought out one of his arms from under the robe, shoving the same cloth he had taken out earlier back into Henry’s mouth.
This time Henry didn’t mind.
Pious returned his attention to the throbbing cock in front of him, desperately begging for attention. He put a finger around its base, stroking Henry slowly before approaching with his mouth, confidently licking up from the base to the tip.
All Henry could see in the darkness was a man diving through his robe, granting him everything he had dreamed about.
Even if it was the wrong person.
Just two sinners defiling the church in every way possible.
Every time he closed his eyes, a blurry memory of Hans, splashes of gold and red flashed in his vision. The one person who made Henry feel alive after Skalitz.
The one person who didn’t pity him.
The person whose betrayal cut him deep.
Pious slowly made his way down on Henry’s length, taking more and more into his mouth without stopping his stroking. The heat enveloping Henry was unlike anything he had ever felt before. Pious periodically sucked in his cheeks, as if trying to drag every last sin out of the young squire himself.
A tear fell down Henry’s face, a mix of joy and regret, pleasure and loneliness.
Pious felt the shiver run down Henry’s body, removing himself before driving Henry to climax, leaving him on edge instead. He took his head out from under Henry’s robe, enjoying the shocked and offended face of his friend before slowly making his way up to his face, bringing his body onto Henry, straddling him. The robes added a layer of frustrating friction between them that neither disliked.
“Brave little beast, you’re doing great.”
Henry’s eyes widened, the compliment washing over him in waves of shock and unexpected joy.
Pavel took the cloth out of Henry’s mouth, bringing his face close to him as their lips touched for a second time that night.
Pavel propped his knees on the floor, around Henry’s thighs, bringing their bodies close against each other.The sudden feelings of being turned on, kept on edge, complimented and offended mixed inside Henry’s melting brain. He tried to bring his head back away from Pious, hitting the cold wall while panting for breath.
“Who could guess you’d become such a mess in the act, brother Gregor.”
“Shut up… Won’t you untie my hands already?”
“Mmhm, not yet.” Pious smirked as he brought his face forward, catching Henry with his mouth again. A salty taste hit Henry’s tongue as it wrestled against Pavel’s, but he didn’t mind it. Pious pulled his face sideways, bringing his mouth closer to Henry’s brightened ears and biting down on the earlobe. A soft groan left Henry, but instead of letting it echo, he opened his mouth, grabbing onto Pious’s shoulderblade with his teeth, not enough to draw blood, but enough to muffle his sounds.
Henry’s body jerked up in place and Pious didn’t hesitate to bring himself closer against Henry, rubbing himself against his friend. The friction of the novice robes, along with the consistent movement drove them both to the edge. Pious wrapped his arms around Henry’s neck without slowing down himself.
Henry’s body felt like it would burst into flames, but instead he sweated and rutted into Pious, stretching out every second into what felt like weeks until release found them both.
Both of them stopped moving at the same moment, shivering in place as the insides of their robes were painted white. Henry slammed his head against the stone wall to regain composure as Pious relaxed his body, leaning his weight onto still bound Henry.
Henry rested his face onto Pious’s head, nuzzling his nose into his friend’s hair, taking in the smell of regular soap, slight booze and himself.
Pavel didn’t move, enjoying the comfort of Henry’s heated body, trying to stabilize himself before asking a question that’s ruined his sleep for weeks.
“Tell me… tell me, Henry, my friends… are they?”
“Only Lubosh. Timmy and Reeky are fine.”
“How do you know?”
“I helped them…”- Henry raised his head up, looking at the moon through the altar window - “I killed the leader too, Runt…”
“You? But you’re so…”
“I was surprised too.”
“I won’t pry.”
Pious untied Henry’s arms, watching as the young squire rubbed his wrists in discomfort.
“Sorry about that…”
“I’ll live. Listen, you need to disappear.”
“You still want to kill me after I took you to heaven?”
“Sh-shut up! I mean run away from here, they know you’re a novice and won’t stop until you’re dead.”
“Obviously they know. How did you even get the task of killing me?”
“I’m on a mission to find their actual camp by getting recruited. Your bandit friends told me to kill you to prove my loyalty…”
Henry felt Pavel twitch, moving away from him with a worried look, overwhelmed at the looming danger he’d tried to avoid.
“I… I was a bandit at Neuhof. I’ve robbed and stolen, but I swear to god I’ve never in my life slain an innocent…”
“I know.”
“What I saw at Neuhof made me realize my life wasn’t worth shit, but I still had a chance to change for the better.”
“Did I fuck it all up, mister evildoer?”
“Yep. But I’m glad it was you, Henry of Skalitz.”
“How did you even know my name?”
“Your friend Johanka had quite a lot to complain about a certain new novice in the monastery.”
“Wait, you could leave the building?”
“Only when accompanying a priest on his shopping, aye.”
“Then I have a plan.”
“Already?”
“I’m just going to kill you!”
Pious jumped back in fear but was only met with Henry’s sheepish grin.
“You’re one insane bastard.”
“I don’t mean literally of course. We’ll just make it look like I’ve killed you.”
“And how do you plan to do that?”
“Just wait for me here… and tear some parts off of your robes.”
“This better not be a deliberate strategy to get me naked.”
“Don’t flatter yourself. I’ve prepared for something like this.”
Henry left in just a second, leaving Pious stunned at the competence of a man who was falling apart just minutes ago. He obeyed Henry’s command, Tearing parts of his robe off and waiting patiently. The church was asleep, they’d never get a better chance, unless Henry suddenly got caught…
More and more minutes passed in silence and Pavel got worried, moving towards the small entrance to the balcony, but he got blocked by a slick frame.
“Sorry Pavel, it was a little hard removing planks silently…”
“Unbelievable, that’s where you hid your grand treasure?”
“Nothing was stolen so it’s fine. Give me your robe tatters.”
Pious handed them over to Henry, looking with curious eyes as Henry brought a wineskin out from his robe pocket. He held the rags up to the wineskins entrance, pouring a liquid onto them, painting them red.
“Don’t tell me, that day when you asked me about ordering something from the kitchen in secret…”
“Aye.”
Henry covered the rags in pig’s blood and threw them down from the balcony onto the chapel ground.
“We’ll make it look like someone pushed you off from up here, then leave tracks to the river to make it look like I dragged your body.”
“That’s… a great plan Henry. When in the world did you come up with it?”
“I told you… I never planned to kill you...”
Pious walked towards Henry, his body moving on its own, and cupped his face with arms, leaning his forehead against Henry’s and looking deep into his light blue eyes. Pious leaned forward, bringing his lips closer to Henry’s, but the squire backed off last second, covering his reddened face with his hands.
“You don’t have to force yourself, Pious.”
“I’m not. I want to do this, I owe you that much.”
“All you owe me is something to prove I killed you…”
“And if I still want to?”
“Then you’re welcome to enjoy whatever we can until… we go our own ways.”
Pious opened up his arms, pulling Henry into a hug, gentle, grateful.
“Thank you, brother, for sparing me. God really sent me a guardian angel.”
“Or so I’ve been called. I think a spawn of satan fits me more though.”
Henry held his face in front of Pious, both of them drinking in the sight of each other. The saddened eyes, the happy smirks, the tired features, imprinting as much as they could into memory.
Maybe they weren’t the right people for each other’s lives, but at this moment, no one else would’ve felt better…
They silently made their way down the monastery, both already experienced in sneaking around without alerting the circators. Pious led Henry to a side door that he followed the priest’s to the outside from.
“Stand back, I’ve only got one lockpick on me.”
“You continue to surprise me Henry.”
The lock was a difficult one, for Henry. For Pious it brought a funny sight. Henry sticking his tongue out while focusing on the lock, his ears twitching slightly every few seconds at any important sound. His face reddened more and more from stress until…
A click. The door swung open, promising both their freedom.
They looked at each other in surprise, their faces lighting up like the sun. Pious ran out first, Henry not far behind him. Both ran at full speed, down to the river where free air awaited them.
“God’s I’m not gonna miss that place, it felt like the walls were constantly closing in on me!”
“Remember what I told you when you first got there?”
“That the weight was caused by my sins? Something along those lines.”
“Aye. I hope I made that weight easier for you to carry, Henry…”
“I… You did, I’ll always be grateful, Pavel.”
Henry looked around, taking in the beautiful night. The river calmly ran beneath the bridge they stood on, the birds chirped in the edge of the forests. Fireflies lit the paths and then the moon smiled at the two sinners who met by fate.
“Thank you for helping me out, but we must go our own ways now.”
“Wait… Won’t you come to Rattay? I’m sure my lord wouldn’t punish you if we explain…”
“No, I need to get as far away from here as possible, maybe steal a horse along the way and settle down somewhere more peaceful…”
“I understand… Can I help you out on that at least?”
“If you insist. I could use any help I can get.”
They walked up the slope to the stables where pebbles still waited for Henry after all these weeks.
“I paid the stable master to take care of her, and her bag…” - Henry reached into the saddlebag, bringing out a fresh new tunic and pants, along with a hefty bag of groschen, placing them into Pavel’s hands.”
“I-I don’t know how to thank you Henry…”
“You’ve done more than enough, I just need something to prove I killed you.”
Pious looked at him with confidence as he searched his pocket bringing out a special looking dice.
“This is my lucky dice, though it didn’t work well for me.”
“I don’t know, I think I was a pretty good luck.”
“Then may it bring you a similar level of miracle, Henry of Skalitz.”
Pavel changed into Henry’s clothes, the view of him outside of the Novice robes felt strange for Henry. Pavel put the bag of groschen into his pocket, before turning to Henry.
“I’ll try to write to you, or something if I make it. I don’t want to lose contact with my guardian angel.”
“I’ll hold you to that, brother Antonius.”
Pious sat atop a brown horse, clearly not his own and took up the reins - “It’s a promise… Good luck, Henry.”
Pavel rode out into the night, with the hurry of a man being hunted, yet massive weight off his shoulders. Henry waved at him as his friend disappeared into the darkness.
An unexpected encounter.
A love too burdened to bloom.
Yet a friendship, or more, that Henry would never forget.

Notes:

I apologize for not uploading for nearly a week. There's no excuse, i rewrote this chapter so many times cause i wanted to fit it to my liking. Rip my extra freaky Pavel you just didn't fit the vibe so i had to soften you a little. Also couldn't hurt my son Henry ♡(˃͈ ˂͈ ) . The slowburn will continue... between hansry, Henry will be experiementing a bit before that eventually. I think I'll have another chapter tomorrow, a bit shorter version of Hans spiraling and Theresa clocking him maybe... Or super duper Henry angst we'll see. TY FOR READING and i'm sorry for yapping in notes, i feel a bit nervous uploading this.

Chapter 12: missing days

Summary:

Hans overthinking his last moment with Henry. Theresa and him gathering evidence to make fun of Henry later maybe.

Notes:

I'd be sad too if I lost a baddie like Henry though can't even blame Hans for losing his mind a bit.

so it's been almost two weeks, sorry about that if anyone was actively interested in my fic and i pissed them off.
life's been hard but I've been harder. I'll have another chapter up tomorrow, then one or two oneshots on the weekend.
after finally writing an explicit chapter the floodgates have opened and I don't want to rush the slowburn of this fic.

"Maybe stop worrying so much and hear me out!"
Hans spoke to the empty room, thinking back to that moment with Henry for the 100th time that day. He could've said so many things, reassured his friend in so many ways, but he lost his tongue at the pivotal moment, like he always did.
Hans paced around his room, punched pillows, came up with hundreds of ways he could've handled the argument.
It was all pointless.
He missed Henry.
Radzig refused to tell him the details of the mission, Hanush basically laughed Hans out of the meeting hall when he asked about the details.
He fell onto his bed, covering his eyes with his arm, trying to stabilize his thoughts.
Henry's reaction proved everything.
He liked Hans...
Hans couldn't tell what that made him feel.
Dread, happiness, anger, disgust...
All the small moments shared between them, every glance stolen, every touch lingering too long, every night spent in silent companionship…
Henry's confession made the unspeakable real. And it was terrifying.
Hans couldn't keep up with the teasing, with the acting that it was all a joke and meant nothing.
Because it meant something.
It meant everything.
Noone else would understand how he felt, and he couldn't share in his woes either.
Hans rose to his feet, looking at the door while still swaying. The castle halls were empty. The sun was already setting behind the mountains on the horizon. He walked without paying much mind to his surroundings. The guards at the Rattay gates went up to him, wanting to remind Hans to carry a torch at night, but they were met with their noble with the gloomiest face they had ever seen. They silently stepped back to their post, observing the noble stumbling out of the gate like a drunken fool, even though he was sober.
Too sober.
Hans walked through the all too familiar ground. His birthright, his inheritance, the land he was born to rule over as king… The place that felt like a constricting wall, about to topple him any second. All these people, and he was supposed to look after them? He couldn’t even look after his friend properly…
The muddy road was risky to traverse absentmindedly, but Hans didn’t remember that internalised instinct until his boot slipped sideways, falling face first into the mud. His noble clothes, ever so fancy and well-kept, were covered in dirt and grime, all too fitting for his mood.
“You look like shit, my lord.”
Theresa’s gentle face, painted with a mocking grin, looked down at him from top, holding a basket with one hand. Before Hans could respond, he felt an all too familiar feeling of Mutt’s aggressive tongue on his cheek, licking his face clean of dirt.
“Agh, ew stop it you stupid Mutt!”
“You remember his name, well done sir.”
“Oh spare me. What are you doing here, Miss Theresa?”
“Me? You’re the one laying in the mud right outside the mill.”
Hans looked around confused, finally comprehending where he had walked off to while lost in his thoughts.
“Oh.”
“Bad day?”
“A bad week.”
“Miss Henry?”
“That’s not… Where is that buffoon anyway.”
“Oh you won’t believe it Sir Hans.”
“Believe what?”
Theresa extended her hand towards the miserable boy, helping him get up and pointing to the desk in the mill’s yard.
“Come, I have much gossip to share!”
…

It was early in the morning, yet the sun pressed heavily against everyone. People slowly gathered in the yard of Sasau monastery, waiting to be let into the chapel for mass. A young lady slipped between the people, making her way across the yard to a further point inside. Behind her trailed a slim built boy, hooded despite the heat, hiding his face from the people. An older woman in the crowd spotted him, grabbing him by the shoulder.
"Lad, stop following that young lady or you'll get in trouble!"
"Who do you think..."
Before he could finish his sentence, the girl he was trailing ran back to them, cutting his sentence off.
"Thank you for your concern, miss, but he's with me."
"Ah, I see. Be careful out there laddie."
The boy finally regained his tongue - "right, sorry." - he nudged his shoulder out of the ladies grasp before walking behind the girl again, more composed this time.
They finally made it to the other end of the yard, near a door to a building that seemed to be an infirmary.
"All right, Hans. I'll go see my friend quickly and then we can go into the monastery. You wait here and try not to get in trouble!"
"Can't I come in with you Theresa? I don't feel very safe with these peasants looking like they want to start trouble with me."
"You're pretending to be one of us now, so live with it for a bit."
"Fiiine, Henry would never leave me like this, you know..."
"You're lucky I'm not Henry or he would have made you wait with harsher words."
"Can't win against you, can I?"
"Never."
Theresa flashed the familiar grin at Hans and went inside the infirmary to see her friend, Johanka. Apparently, she had gotten word to Theresa that Henry had become a monk, of all people, of all things. It was probably related to his secret mission, but Hans couldn't help but worry about his... Squire.
If everything was fine, he could at least make fun of Henry later about it, so this trip wouldn't have been a complete waste of time. Hans leaned against the infirmary's wall, trying to listen in on the conversation of Theresa and her friend. The noises were quite muffled, but the tone implied that it had gone from happy to serious. Anxiety bit at Hans's heart as he looked at all the people around, ignoring him like he held no importance. He had snuck out in disguise many times, mostly to woo a maiden and get his arse kicked by their family, but he had never left Rattay without the protection of his noble status. It was risky... And thrilling. A sample of freedom he had always craved.
A groan snapped him out of his thoughts, looking to the side at a man, clearly injured, laying on his side outside, on an uncomfortable straw bed. Hans couldn't get rid of his curiosity, approaching the man carefully and crouching down to his level.
"Why are you out here and not in the infirmary?"
"Huh? It's filled to the brim there, I'd rather rest in the open air.”
“How could it be full? Did a tragedy happen around here recently?"
"Aye... Skalitz..."
"But that was more than a month ago now, surely all the wounded have been treated!"
"They've barely been kept alive, a lot of us have already passed on in here..."
"What is the church doing! Don't they have the resources? What do they use all the donations for…”
“Quiet, boy!”
Hans looked around in worry, noticing a few people staring daggers at him in judgement for his sacrilegious words. If he got recognized here, his reputation would have taken a massive hit, so Hans just pulled the hood down and headed into the infirmary to escape the prying eyes, only to bump into Theresa a few steps in.
“I told you to not cause trouble.”
“I didn’t, these peasants just…”
The other girl behind Theresa stepped behind her friend, looking at Hans with a judgemental glare. Hans lost his tongue, staring at the girl instead. Johanka was a pretty woman, fair in every element Hans could think of, but clear exhaustion could be seen on her face. From fresh wrinkles to heavy eye bags, the worn down state of her soul was clear as day.
“Sorry.”
Unexpectedly, Theresa smiled at Hans, calming his flared nerves and placing her hand on Hans’s shoulder. She turned back towards Johanka, signaling to her friend that there was no need to be agitated. The air finally stopped weighing down on Hans.
“Anyway, we have to go to mass now, Johanka. I promise to send the money as soon as I can.”
Johanka raised her eyebrows in surprise before chuckling to herself.
“I never thought you and Henry would become so religious.”
“Oh, I’m not. We’re just here to make fun of Henry!”
Johanka chuckled, finally relaxing her posture.
“I knew it! I’m going to join you two.” - Johanka disappeared for a minute into an adjacent room, speaking to another priest that was helping with the Skalitz refugees and coming back with a freshly washed hood. Theresa brightened at the concept of going in with Johanka, walking side by side with her while Hans awkwardly followed behind. They squeezed into the monastery, trying to make their way through the crowd.
Theresa and Johanka slipped through the people with great flexibility, but Hans got bumped into multiple times, making him separate from his companions. He tried to look for them for a minute or so, but gave up in the end, moving to the right wall to get out of the tight space. Despite the large number of people, the monastery was eerily quiet.
Hans looked up at the ceiling, grand and magnificent, almost like standing under an open sky. A false sense of freedom, like this little outing in a disguise. Suddenly, an angelic melody roared through the chapel, making him jump in surprise. He rose to his tippy toes, looking for Henry amongst the monks.
“Sakra, what am I even doing? We had a fight and I’m checking up on him!?”
As much as Hans wanted to convince himself this visit to the monastery was just to make fun of Henry in a friendly manner later, he really only just wanted to make sure Henry was still alive.
The freshly risen sun illuminated through the windows, shining down onto a set of men, dressed in white robes, grabbing Hans’s attention. On the furthest side of the five men, a familiar figure stood.
Henry looked tired and starved. It had only been a week, but his frame was already quite thinned, his cheeks were a bit fallen and his eye bags stood in contrast against his pale face.
Despite it all, he didn’t look sad like Hans expected.
“Why isn’t he wallowing in his misery! After being so rude to me!”
Hans stared too hard for a normal person at the novice, hoping to grab his attention, but instead, he saw something that irritated his very soul with unreasonable anger.
A young man , standing tall next to Henry, leaned over to Henry’s side with a mischievous grin and whispered something into Henry’s ear.
“It’s nothing, definitely nothing. Probably just reminding him about some holy duties, yep.”
Henry’s ears twitched, he chuckled into his palm and shook his head, trying to distract himself from laughing in the serious situation.
Everything all too familiar for Hans, caused by another guy that looked like a common hooligan!
Henry should have stopped there. Surely he would have pulled away from the stranger, but instead, he rocked on his heels, raising to his tippy toes, another mannerism Hans recognized, before leaning towards the other novice and whispering something back.
Hans stumbled backwards, the venom in his heart rising faster than it ever should have. Suddenly the walls and the ceiling of the ever so grand monastery felt like they were tightening around Hans, promising to squash him and end his sinful misery.
He quickly stepped out of the monastery, stumbling down the steps and nearly avoiding tripping. He would have left for home already, but Theresa was still yet to be found and they came together on one cart.
Hans slumped against the infirmary wall, waiting for the mass to finish. The man that was laying outside earlier was now sitting up, looking at him with a curious expression before finally speaking up.
“Rough day lad?”
“It’s nothing, nowhere near as bad as what you’ve gone through.”
“So what? A problem is a problem, no matter how big or small.”
Hans looked at him, trying to read the man’s expression. He may have been covered in bandages all over his torso, but his face was still one of courage and love for life.
“It’s just a bad day lad, it’ll pass.”
“It’s not about me, good sir. I was selfish with my friend and I can’t seem to find a way to apologize.”
“Have you asked how he feels?”
“Didn’t have the chance.”
“Good. When you can, invite him for a drink, loosen each other up before diving into your emotions. It’s not easy for noble knights like you.”
Hans looked at him in surprise, leaning back and resting his hand on his sheathed sword’s hilt. The man swiftly raised his arms in an easy going manner.
“Calm down there, lad. I mean you no harm.”
“How did you know I was a noble?”
“You still carry that air, no matter how much you cover your head, our lord was the same.”
Hans finally relaxed, taking his hand to his forehead to rest his head. This paranoia of everyone since he was tied up by the Cumans had tormented him far longer than it should have. It felt like every suspicious commoner was out to get him, no matter how friendly they could seem. Yet this man, whose name he still didn’t know, managed to make him relax, despite the potential risks and dangers.
Before Hans could say anything else, a gentle hand touched his shoulder from behind. He turned around with a swift motion, only to be met with a flick on the forehead by Theresa.
“Where did you go, Hans. We couldn’t even go to where Henry was.”
“Ah, I don’t know. It was so crammed in there, I just walked out instead.”
Theresa was going to tease him at first, but looking at Hans’s disturbed face, she decided to turn towards Johanka instead.
“Sorry, I think we’ll head out now. My lord doesn’t seem to be doing so well.”
“Your lord!?” - Johanka sounded surprised, making Hans roll his eyes in anticipation of the usual sucking up from the peasants, but instead Johanka leaned down in front of him and chuckling -”He doesn’t seem very noble, I think you’re being fooled Tess.”
“I know right. I’ve been suspecting it for a while!”
The girls chuckled in sync and Hans finally lightened up. He rose to his feet and stretched his body for a second with a groan before correcting his posture.
“All of you from Skalitz are fucking insane.”
“You don’t seem displeased about that good sir.”
“You’re right, miss Johanka, because at least you're truthful.”
Theresa stood behind him and sneakily approached Johanka, placing something in her palm and pressing a quick kiss on her cheek. Nothing that seemed out of place for two friends, but still too close for it to mean nothing.
…
It took a bit more than an hour, but Rattay could already be seen on the horizon. The magnificent town, or the gilded cage, awaited Hans and Theresa. Hans sat at the front part of the cart, leading the horse while Theresa hummed silently behind him, looking through a few papers.
“Do you even know how to read?”
“That’s a bit blunt, Sir Hans. Yes, I do know, a miller needs to be knowledgeable after all.”
“Both you and Henry speak so vaguely about what you do, are you sure you’re not some kind of a criminal?”
“Are you? Would you arrest me and Henry if we shocked our parents in the afterlife a couple of times?”
“Yet another vague way of putting it. Tell me then, one such thing you and Henry have done…”
“Well… There was this one night a certain noble was thirsty for wine…”
“You helped him with that!? I think he acted like he did it all himself when he brought the wine, looking all proud.”
“Your memories are not that good, huh.”
“Not when I’m piss drunk… and distracted.”
Hans didn’t have to turn to feel the familiar grin on his back.
“By the wenches?”
“Something like that.”
“Suuure.”
Hans could feel his face brighten at the memories of that day. The closeness, the teasing, everything said and shared in that drunk evening… Henry’s face when he walked in on him and the wench…
“Maybe it’s my fault for everything…”
“Maybe? I’d say it’s a pretty even split.”
“How do I even apologize? I could barely see him today.”
“So you saw him?”
“Aye.”
“And that novice beside him?”
Hans turned his head at light speed, earning a chuckle from Theresa. Her gaze felt all knowing, omniscient.
“I wish I could show you in a mirror how red you are, Sir Hans.”
“Oh, shut up. And I’m sure it’s nothing between them… right?”
“We’re going to need some drinks before getting home.”
…
A mug hit the old table, spilling a bit of beer over onto the table and Hans’s dirty hood. Hans stopped resting his head on the table, frowning at the waiter before continuing to wallow in his misery. The moon could already be seen in the dimly lit evening sky, scaring away the scorching heat. The tavern of Ledetchko was mostly empty, only the sound of thrown dice disturbing Hans’s brooding.
“Kurva, you must be cheating you witch! That dice looks nothing like the common ones!”
“Get over yourself, sir. You lost, I won.”
Hans raised his head, his eyes slurred from alcohol and overthinking, trying to detect if there was any need to intervene.
His judgement was a bit off.
The man huffed out in anger, rising to his feet in a swift motion, pushing the chair backwards. He was simply going to walk away, but Hans was already standing next to him, placing his hand on the man’s shoulder and turning him around with more force than necessary.
“Is there a problem you twat!”
“Who the fuck are you!? Back off or you’ll regret it!”
“You want to attack a lady? Pick on someone your own size!”
The man looked at him confused, down at Theresa, then back up at Hans again. He leaned his body slightly back, preparing to punch someone but Theresa swiftly wrapped her arm around Hans’s, dragging the fool away before more trouble could be started.
“My apologies sir, you can keep your groschen if you let this slide.”
“Fine, whatever. You young people have no respect these days.”
Theresa bowed her head and watched as the dice player walked off, spitting in meaningless anger. Hans kept his gaze fixed on him, but he felt a sharp smack on the back of his head.
“You fool, I had it under control!”
“But he looked like he was going to do something to you!”
“No he wasn’t. Trust me when I say this, I can take care of myself. Sit back down on that table or your head won’t be the only thing I’ll hit!”
Hans opened his mouth to argue, but pouted instead. Despite being scolded, this didn’t feel horrible like the times with Hanush… or Henry. Hans plopped down onto the chair, entirely sinking himself onto it, Theresa sat down opposite of him, calling the waiter to order another beer before turning back to Hans.
“You… Look like shit. Did the sight of Henry not being miserable make you that mad?”
“Oh he looked very miserable, Theresa, but that’s not it…”
She chuckled into her mug, staring at Hans’s reddened face before taking another gulp of beer.
“You! You’re jealous!”
“What!? How dare you!”
“Of that other novice!”
“N-NO!”
“Quiet down Hans, and stop lying.”
Hans looked around, making sure no one was listening in before lowering his voice.
“I’m not admitting to anything like that…”
“But?”
“Did you see him, his ears twitching, rising on his toes, chuckling and whispering like they’re not at mass…”
“Jealousss♪.”
”Oh quiet you…”
“I’m not the one paying attention to those details.”
“There’s no winning with you.”
“That’s the one truth you’ve said today.”
…
“And then he told me I was just a bird in a fancy cage!” - a hiccup escaped his throat before continuing -”A silver spoon up my arse, whatever that means!”
Theresa laughed louder than normal before clashing her mug against Hans’s and taking another sip - “His Pa used to say that about nobles, in front of Sir Radzig even!”
“No wonder that asshole’s such a loudmouth with nobles.”
Hans sighed, his brain reeling in memories of his last argument with Henry before his squire disappeared. His smile faded again, silently reciting the words Henry had said.
“Abomination.”
“What?”
“That’s what he called himself.”
“Oh.”
“Then what am I?”
“Fools, both of you.”
“That’s a crude way of putting it.”
“Truth stings, doesn’t it. Just talk to him. If not now, then whenever you can.”
“But…”
“No buts, if you both keep hiding from each other, you’ll never make up.”
“I don’t want that…”
Suddenly, Theresa rose to her feet, putting one leg onto her chair and pointing upwards in a grand manner.
“Remember these words, Sir Hans. Bravery is not the absence of fear, it's acting in the face of it!”
“Where did you read that?”
“I don’t remember. But think it through you fool.”
She suddenly lost her balance, wobbling on the table before regaining her footing. Hans chuckled, raising a cup up at her. She took it from his hand, grabbing the mug with both hands for balance and downing it in one go.
“Carefull Theresa. I don’t want to explain to Henry why you broke your neck the minute the two of us went out alone!”
“Or you could break yours with me!”
She pushed another mug towards Hans, helping the noble fully relax.
…
It had been more than two weeks since Hans had seen Henry, but he missed him no less. His life fell back into the boring flow that he had grown up with. Eat, study, eat, listen to the peasants endless complaints, eat, read, sleep.
Sometimes he would visit Theresa and Mutt, but she wasn’t often free of work, definitely not free to entertain Hans at all times.
After another hot day, the sun finally went down, mercifully lowering the heat in the air. Hans found the perfect moment to slip out of Hanush’s grasp, making his way down the road towards the mill.
It had been three weeks without Henry, and Hans was only a few days away from losing his mind. He approached the mill when a new shadow that wasn’t usually there could be seen on the side of the house. A gray, old horse.
“Pebbles?”
Did Henry come back? Why didn’t he come to see Hans. Right, why would he… But it didn’t suck any less. Hans quickly stepped into the yard, strange noises reaching him before he could make out anything in the dark.
“Henry!?”
He heard the noises go quiet for a few seconds as he kept walking, then Theresa yelled back at him - “Henry? There’s no one here, sir Hans.”
“What?”
He finally went to the inner yard where a lantern was lit, observing carefully, looking at Theresa, who seemingly was sitting alone at the table.
“I saw his stupid horse outside, did he come by?”
“What horse? Where?”
“Right there!” - he pointed at the spot on the road a bit far away, where Pebbles had been stationed earlier, but the space was empty.
“There’s nothing there Hans.”
“Are you yanking my pizzle? “
“I’m no Henry.”
“Oh shut up. I know he was here, what, is he hiding from me now?”
“Not exactly…”
“You!”
“He already left, just dropped by to get some items.”
“I can’t believe this. You told me to talk to him, but let him get away when we could finally meet!?”
“Trust me, sir Hans, it would have been worse if you met him now.”
“How so?”
“Just trust me.”
“Fine, whatever. Tell that yokel to see me next time or I’ll hang him myself!”
“Noted…”
“... Was he alright at least?”
“Somewhat, he said he had another infiltration mission, but would be back within a week… and to stay safe, something strange is going down in the region.”
Hans turned on his heels and walked back to where he came from. Of course, while he was wasting time, Henry was risking everything to protect the people that wouldn’t even love him if they knew everything…
“Pathetic, aren’t I…”

Notes:

thank you everyone who still reads this, if i've lost the plot feel free to insult me in the comments, i probably deserve it.
up next, hurt/comfort because i love Henry in all his agony.

Hans x Theresa but it's just them gossiping about Henry to figure wtf he has been doing around the region when he goes missing for a week.

Chapter 13: So dramatic

Summary:

Henry comes back to the mill get prepared before infiltrating the bandit camp.

Notes:

You'll never guess the name of the dumbass that forgot to upload the chapter at 4am after finishing it ˶ᵔ ᵕ ᵔ˶

Henry’s skin burned and itched under the robes. The strange sting on his ear kept reminding him of the sin committed under his holy attire. Pebbles ran as fast as she could through the roads to Rattay, Henry begging God to not let anyone see him on the road like this. Maybe he should have thought things through before giving Pavel all his money and clothes.
Pavel… Pious… Though what they did was not very pious at all.
Henry’s ears instantly reddened at the memories of the church, his hands tied behind his back, his mouth stuffed with a cloth as he and Pavel rutted against each other in sin. Henry had always dreamed about his first time with a man, imagined many different scenarios with many different hypothetical faces, but he could never have predicted or dreamed of what transpired in a church with the scruffy novice.
“I sure got played well, damn that handsome bastard.”
As pebbles approached the road leading to Rattay, the town walls well within reach, new thoughts emerged back in Henry’s head.
Hans!...
He buried his face in his hands from shame, hoping Pebbles wouldn’t run into a dangerous field with her reins free, though he wouldn’t mind an accident either right about now. What was he going to say to Hans when they met again, or how was he going to explain the marks left on him by Pavel. That bastard had laid claim on his neck without asking and Henry wasn’t in the mind to protest at that moment, but now regret and clarity washed back over his mind in waves, unstoppable, peeling back every emotion from him.
And last time they saw each other, they argued, like children. Henry didn’t hold back that time, despite knowing how he hurt Hans with his words, and how he stopped his friend from fighting back by exploiting his insecurities he had sworn to protect Hans from…
Would Hans be angry to see him? Delighted maybe? Maybe he had forgotten all about Henry…. Or maybe he’d be jealous. What Henry wouldn’t give to make that happen. Another hundred bitemarks would have been worth the view of Hans’s jealous face.
“Hal!”
Pebbles suddenly stopped on the spot, throwing Henry forward a bit before he finally took the hands off his face to look into the distance, although not too far as Pebbles was standing right next to the mill.
“Tess! I’m so happy to see you.”
“Me too you big oaf! Come, now, you look… terrible actually. Yeesh Hal, did they starve you in that monastery?”
Henry’s throat dried at the mention of the location, he took a step back in surprise, trying to think of an excuse or a lie, but Theresa wasn’t easy to slip from. She turned back, walking up to him enough to invade his personal space, giving him a hug.
This was unexpected, and probably a bad idea since Henry had been through a lot of riding for a full day now.
“Of course you’d find out. Let me guess… Johanka?”
“I didn’t just hear about it Hal, we even checked for ourselves!”
A grin on Theresa’s face was quite the opposite of Henry’s distraught face as he took in the words, the possibility of Theresa seeing him at mass was devastating for his inner thoughts, but he didn’t expect it to get any worse.
“Aha… Of course, why am I even surprised.”
Theresa’s mischievous grin widened as she pointed at the table outside, signing for Henry to sit down. He sheepishly obeyed, keeping his head down like a kid in trouble awaiting punishment, and it was worse than he could have expected.
“You should have seen the look on Hans’s face after he saw, priceless Hal, priceless.”
“WHAT!?” - Henry nearly fell back on the backless chair, gripping the table to catch himself before realizing that his ears and nose were reddening again - “Tessss, whyyyyy.”
“Oh please, like you wouldn’t do the same.”
“Somehow I can’t see anyone else in the same situation.”
“You should have seen how miserable he looked after your dumb argument.”
She finally put down some cups and a jug of water on the table before sitting down opposite to Henry, clearly enjoying teasing her friend.
“H-he was? And here I thought I was the only one wallowing after that.”
“You two are so dramatic.”
“When did you even come anyway, how come I didn’t see you?”
“About a week after you disappeared. Do you want more details?”
Henry rested his forehead against the desk, bending in misery and exhaling before agreeing.
“So, we got separated when we went inside for mass, but I found him outside 30 minutes later, talking to one of the injured guards back from Skalitz.”
“I don’t see how that’s importan…”
“Sshhhhh, let me finish Hal! I got him a bit drunk later and then he said he saw you flirting with another novice!”
“That’s what he said!? He’s got it wrong, I have no idea who he’s talking about!”
“First off, you know you’re lying, and secondly, he said it a bit differently, but the message was clear.”
“The message?”
“Oh my god, do I have to spell it out for you two idiots!? He was jealous, literally boiling from jealousy!”
Henry’s eyes widened, staring at Theresa, down at his hands, then up at the town walls. Hans!?!?! Jealous? Sir Hans Capon of Pirkstein, heir of Rattay, was jealous of Henry?
As if, Theresa had to have been lying, she had been teasing him the whole time after all, but when he looked into her eyes, even in the mischief, there were no lies.
“I don’t know what to say Tess.”
“How about you start explaining what that mark on your throat is?”
“Oh… OH, uhh, I got into a fight with my target.”
“Are you sure it was a fight?”
Her grin kept getting wider and wider. She laughed to her heart's content and sat down next to Henry on the long bench, nudging his sides while he hid his face against the table. Henry burned from shame, wishing he could shrink up into a worm and disappear from everyone's view, but Theresa would probably keep him in a jar in that possibility.
“Fiine, it wasn’t a fight.”
“Obviously. So, who was it? Was it that handsome novice you were giggling with at mass?”
“...might have been. Although it was quite strange.”
“Oh? Dramatic, tell me.”
“Well, I was supposed to kill him, and when he found out he poisoned me.”
“WHAT? HAl! How did you let that happen?”
“I was feeling quite hungry.”
HIs grin now matched that of Theresa from a minute ago, enjoying the exaggerated reactions from his friend that made it easier to talk about his accursed first encounter of love.
“He didn’t… You know? Right? You’re okay?”
“Oh, yeah I’m fine. Despite being a bandit, he wasn’t a bad person. He said I wasn’t a bastard myself, so we gave each other a chance…”
“Don’t stop now! What was it like? Tell me the details.”
“I don’t know, at that moment my brain felt like it was melting… I don’t even know if we did it… right? I don’t know how it’s supposed to go between, y’know.”
“Aye, I get it… Well, that’s good and I’m happy for you and all, but if Hans sees that mark on you he might pass out from feeling emotions.”
“Truly a tragic end for a man of his station.”
“God, I missed you, you fool. If you’re going to disappear again, I don’t want to hear your whereabouts through our friends again!”
“Yes ma’am!”
A heartfelt chuckle echoed through the mill’s yard, filling the empty space with cozy air. After weeks of strict scheduling, putting up with religious bullshit and hunting a man, it was nice to finally relax. Henry rubbed his eyes and yawned, his body slumping a bit, but he had to stay awake. After all, his mission wasn’t over.
Henry wanted to see Hans too, but a fear gnawed at his chest, making his worn out brain dread the awkward reunion where apologies would need to be shared. He couldn’t even remember why he got so angry in the first place, only the harsh words echoing through his head for weeks.

“Tess, I need some stuff, my mission isn’t done yet." " Still? Seriously Henry, I know Lord Radzig has been kind to you but this demand is too much!”
“I know, I know, but I want to do it, I want to help. Keep moving forward, remember? I’m not resting while those bastards are breathing.”
Theresa fell silent for a moment. Of course she had not forgotten their promise, of course she hadn’t stopped fighting however she could, looking for information and helping the wounded of skalitz in Sasau, but she was exhausted from this fight. She looked into Henry’s eyes, finding the familiar fatigue in her friend’s soul. She held onto his shoulder, squeezing it gently, knowingly, sharing her strength with Henry.
“We’re doing what we can, Hal. Don’t shoulder it alone.”
Henry sighed, shaking his head, but he didn’t remove Theresa’s hand, instead leaning into the grasp for comfort.
“I wanted him to stay.”
“That novice?”
“Aye. Maybe that way, I’d lose my feelings for Capon… and he’d lose his for me.”
“That’s not good Hal.”
“I know. It was selfish, but what’s so wrong with me trying to be selfish for once? One time I asked for something from the world… But he said no.”
“It wasn’t just selfish Hal, it was selfless too, for Hans.”
“I’m corrupting him.”
“No such thing.”
“Then what have I been doing this whole time? You don’t know what it was like, when he pulled away from me. In disgust. Just for a second, but it felt like a thousand swords stabbed my heart.”
“I understand, I think.”
A spiteful chuckle escaped Henry’s throat. Not directed at Theresa, but still grazing her feelings. Her brows furrowed, her hand squeezed tighter before finally making up her mind.
“Same thing happened to me too, in Sasau.”
“What do you mean?”
“After you gave me Bianca’s ring, I faced my feelings, Hal. And I knew what I had felt for a long time but denied.”
“Oh.”
“I tried to tell Johanka, but she… didn’t say anything back…”
“I’m sorry Tess. If only I hadn’t…”
“NO! It’s not your fault, you helped me face the part of me I’ve denied for my whole life for convenience, and I faced it. Even if I’m hurt, even if you’re hurt, we have to move forward somehow.”
“Or there truly is no point…”
She sighed, raising her hand from Henry’s shoulder up into his unwashed hair, scruffing the overgrown strands with a gentle pat. Henry winced at the feeling and chuckled, not pulling away.
“So. What do you need?”
“I left some spare armor and an old sword in my trunk here, just in case.”
“What happened to your new stuff?”
“I gave it away… to Pavel.”
“The novice that you-”
“Yeah.”
“Pfft, Hal! Stop being so selfless when you can’t afford it!”
“But I can afford it. After I do some more errands around town.”
“Ever the adventurer. Fine, I’ll give you some of my uncle’s old clothes too, can’t be going around in a novice’s robe you know. You’ll get caught. How did you even get out of the monastery?”
“Simple, I faked a murder and lockpicked the back entrance to escape.”
“Sacrilige. Our parents can’t keep spinning in their graves for much longer Hal, give them a break." "Yeah, yeah, after this I’m asking Sir Radzig for time off.”
“Like a true lazy knight!”
Theresa proclaimed with a hearty chuckle before disappearing into the house. Henry looked around. It was dark already, moonlight blocked by the trees standing above the long chair where he sat. He looked over at the road leading up to Rattay and saw a shadowy figure stumbling down the road, slowly, like he had no, or too much, care in the world. He stood in suspicion, reaching at his sword that no longer hung on his belt.
Henry looked around worried, walking towards the house where Theresa was gathering stuff for him. As he approached her, wanting to warn her of someone suspicious approaching, a shout echoed through the yard and into the house.
“Henry!?”
Hans, of course he’d show up now. Theresa stood with a mischievous grin on her face behind the door, making a shiver run down Henry’s spine. He quickly took the stuff from Theresa’s arms and ran to the back door. Theresa followed a whispered yell behind him.
“Hal?”
“Distract him, I’m not read Tess, mission and all that, you know.”
“Coward!!!” was the last thing Henry heard as he snuck around the mill from the side, trying his best to slip past Hans stumbling through the yard. Theresa came out of the front door, feigning ignorance, giving Henry a perfect opportunity to get to Pebbles. He swiftly threw everything into the horse’s saddlebags and mounted her in just a moment, leading her down towards a steep slope with nowhere else to go.
He heard from a distance as pebbles got behind cover -”Are you yanking my pizzle?”, followed up by Theresa - “I’m no Henry.”
Henry’s face lit up at the remark as Pebbles stumbled down the slope into shallow water, making a smooth escape from Hans. God damn you Theresa and your sly tongue!
After a few minutes of riding, he finally found a path he recognized, leading towards Ledetchko. Henry sighed from relief, pulling at Pebbles’s rein to make her stop and jumped down onto the grass.
His mission was simple: light a campfire to signal the bandits, follow them to their new camp, discover their plans and report to Radzig.
After that, he would make up with Hans and life would be normal again.
What could go wrong.

Notes:

Next up, drama, angst, drama, maybe some slurs pointed at certain someone and more drama. maybe fluff if i can fit it into the chapter too ( ˘ ³˘)❤

Chapter 14: The Die is cast

Summary:

Henry finally makes it into the bandit camp at Vranik, but things weren't as simple as he hoped. Not only have weeks of hunger and exhaustion have caught up to him, but he finally remembers things as they were, not how his brain had repressed his trauma to make it easier on him.

Notes:

CONTENT WARNING: GRAPHIC DESCRIPTION OF TORTURE!!!
I have updated the tags, i will also talk in the end notes on what way i want to take this fic so if you want to keep reading, you somewhat know what you're in for. I've thought about it a lot and talked about it with some friends, which gave me all new inspirations after my well was dried up.

I realized while writing this chapter I still don't know Henry's Ma's name, sorry if it reads awkwardly at some points. Think about it in angsty way though, maybe Henry has forgotten her name since kcd is him retelling his story in a way.

Henry lit the campfire on the agreed upon place, near Sasau, waiting for the bandits to show up at the meeting spot. The smoke cut through the cool morning air towards the sky, contrasting the clear blue with its dark clouds. He sat down on the ground, yawning into his palm from exhaustion.
Just one more day, he would see where the camp was, what their numbers were and report back to Radzig.
Just one more day and he would apologize to Hans.
Henry’s eyes lidded, his lack of sleep over the week finally catching up to him. As he closed his eyes, hoping to get some rest in before the bandits showed up, he heard rustling from the forest. He opened his eyes and tried to stand up, but felt a blade behind his back, freezing him in place.
“Morning sunshine, hope we didn’t wake you.”
“Kurva, did you have to sneak up on me like thieves?”
“We are thieves!” - the bandit raised out his arms in a mocking gesture, then pointed his sword back at Henry, holding it near his throat - “Besides, we had to make sure you weren’t followed, or trying to lead us into a trap.”
Henry nervously looked down at the sword pointed at him, swallowing hard to not let his expression break and give something away. Luckily, the bandit was in a good mood, pulling away his sword with a smile.
“But enough of this chit-chat, let’s get down to business.” - He pointed at the ground, signaling Henry to take a seat, probably to make it easier to cut him down, if needed. Henry silently obeyed, masking his anxiety well.
“We heard there was some trouble at the monastery. The question is, is it the sort we want?” -he pointed his finger at Henry - “did you do that job we agreed on?”
Henry breathed in hard, calming his nerves and putting on an easy going smile, one he had picked up from a certain noble - “Do you think I’d be sitting here if I didn’t? The job is done.”
“You’ve got proof?”
Henry hesitantly took Pavel’s special die out of his pocket and showed it to the bandit, feeling a bit sad because he didn’t want to get rid of it. - “He had this on him.”
“Aye, that's his alright. What did you do with the body?”
“I buried it, that’s why it took me a while to light the campfire.”
“Where?”
“In the graveyard near Sasau, no one would suspect a nameless grave there.”
“That’s smart… almost too smart.” - The bandit swiftly pointed his blade back at Henry’s neck - “Pious was quite smart, why shouldn’t I think you let him escape instead?”
A sweat ran down Henry’s face, not only was his life on the balance here, but if he slipped up, Pavel would be hunted down again, after he finally got his freedom. Henry grit his teeth, raising his hands in a non-threatening way and lying through his teeth.
“I learned quite a lot during my service at the monastery, you’re welcome to check for yourself, but you wouldn’t exactly blend in during the day and be wasting time if you wait for night.
The bandit chuckled at his display of arrogance, but took the words into consideration.
“Fine, you prick. If you’re a traitor you’ll be sniffed out fast anyway, so don’t even think about it”
“What now?”
“What now!? You did your job, welcome! We need people like you!”
“But what do you need people like me to do?”
“I’m just the crimp, all I do is recruit. Now, you get to go to our camp and find out everything you need to know.”
“Where?”
“Are you seriously telling me you didn’t notice the camp? Not too observant, are you?”
Henry shook his head, making himself seem dunce and slower than he actually was, better to be underestimated by the enemy.
“There’s a hill above Sasau and on top, there’s an old abandoned fort. Only it’s not as abandoned as it used to be - that’s where the camp is. Go and report to a fellah named Erik. Tell him Kozliek sent you.”
Henry cursed in his mind. The camp was so close this whole time, it would have been easier to look for it instead of trying to get to Pious for three weeks. A feeling of anger threatened to flood him but then his mind went to another place.
If he hadn’t helped Pavel, someone else would have killed him instead. A life was saved thanks to him.
And so many more were wasted by him losing time.
But a damn good life was spared at least.
His thoughts grappled with each other, like an angel and a devil on his shoulder. His eyes zoned out for a second, but the bandit snapped his finger in front of Henry.
“When you get there, show them the die you got from Pious. That’s our sign.”
“That’s all?”
“That’s all. You’ll learn everything else at Vranik. And hurry up. I have a feeling they’re planning something big.”

…
Henry flashed Pious’s special die at the guard in front of the gate.
“Welcome to Vranik, Comrade!”
“Thank you for your kind welcome… Comrade.” -Henry felt like he was going to wretch just from calling these filth his comrades - “Where can I find Erik?”
“Erik eh? He should be in the house at the top.”
The guard opened the gate enough for Henry to squeeze through and immediately closed it again. He looked around warily, observing the camp. What was supposed to be an abandoned fort was filled to the brim with tents that didn’t look cheap, definitely not something that bandits could afford so much of. Someone must have been funding them, or they were still using the fake coins.
Henry walked up the small hill, approaching an inner gate of the camp. He looked over to the right at the wall that was lower than the rest of the encirclement. It would have been easy to get in from there.
Or get out if needed.
Hopefully it wouldn’t be.
He walked through the inner gate, approaching a run down wooden house. The inside was eerily quiet, except for a sound of someone writing on paper and groaning from annoyance. Henry opened the door inwards, finally meeting face to face with the dreaded bandit leader.
But this guy? He didn’t look much like a bandit, or someone who would lead them. Short dirty blond hair sat atop his rounded face, but something about his appearance caught Henry’s attention. He didn’t look much older than him, maybe a year apart? Yet he was the leader of the bandits?
“He must be quite strong to earn that title at such an age, I wonder what he’s been through to end up here” - Henry thought before blocking it out, not wanting to feel pity for one of the bandits that could’ve been responsible for Skalitz.
Erik raised his head at the sound of Henry stepping through, raising his eyebrows and observing the boy himself before finally speaking up.
“What do you want?”
“Kozliek sent me.”
“Aah! More reinforcement. Are you the one from the Monastery?”
Henry slightly bowed his head, trying his best to hide his hatred behind a charming smile - “Yes sir.”
“So you really killed that turncoat? In a monastery no less.”
“Yes, sir.”
“Well done. I didn’t expect you to commit such a sin in such a sacred place.”
“I’m not exactly the biggest fan of churches, sir.”
“I didn’t expect you to succeed either. Do you know how to handle a sword?”
Henry hesitated to answer. If he said no, they would discard him or not tell him anything, but he didn’t want to boast about his skills either.
“More or less, sir.”
Erik sighed in an annoyed tone and rested his forehead into his palm - “I guess we’ll put you to a test. Go to our combat master Vanyek -he’ll soon find out what you’re made of.”
Henry’s memories muddied at the name, trying to remember where he knew that name from, but it came up blank.
“Vanyek?”
“Just go downhill as far as the stockade. His tent is right next to the training arena.”
“Alright sir.”
“So many sirs, like a true knight. I wish half our crew had as much respect as you do.”
Erik chuckled before turning his head down at the paper again. Henry bit his lip, trying not to let the venom in his heart pour out. He would never actually call them sir if he wasn’t pretending.
Never!
Henry stepped out of the room and leaned against the door, rubbing his face with his hands to calm himself down and squeeze away the headache. He reached into his satchel, hoping to find something that could help him, but all he found was a half drunk bottle of Cockerel potion, which wouldn’t give him nearly enough energy to get through this.
He downed it anyway.
While walking downhill through the camp he tried to pay more attention to the details around him, but he couldn’t spot anything of value, his vision going a bit blurry at the edges when focusing.
He approached the tent Erik pointed him towards and looked around for the so-called Vanyek, hoping to spot him between the few other men when the memories hit him.
Vanyek was the random mercenary that offered to teach Henry swordplay one day.
Henry’s breathing quickened, a few memories of the day he had tried his best to repress coming back in episodes, true memories, not ones that he had fabricated to soften the harsh details of that day.
…
Henry tried to perform a combo on the mercenary, but he simply sidestepped his swing and swung his sword up with full force, hitting Henry’s hand roughly and knocking the sword out of it. Henry yelped out in pain and grabbed his hand, squeezing to neutralize the pain in his finger. Vanyek sighed in disappointment and threw the wooden sword away.
“You’ve got spirit lad, but you won’t improve at this rate.”
“I don’t understand. I did everything you told me, why can’t I get this.”
“You’re lacking that edge men like me have earned, one day you might get it, it might even be today, but until then, you may as well give up.”
“Never!”
“Then you’re welcome to crawl and scramble. I’m leaving Skalitz today.”
“Why?”
“No reason, my task here is done.”
“I thought you randomly came here.”
“You’ll understand one day lad, or not. It doesn’t matter.”
…
A hand roughly grabbed Henry’s shoulder, snapping him out of his haze.
“Who the fuck are you, why are you standing in front of my tent?”
Vanyek stood in front of Henry, eyes slurred from alcohol and staring him down. Why was he with the bandits, how long was he with them? Back in Skalitz, did he know about the raid.
“I’m Henry, Erik sent me so you could see how good I am with a sword.
“Ah, another greenhorn! Nice to see Kozliek doing his job. Although most peasants he sends me couldn’t fight a pile of manure with a pitchfork.”
The man took a big gulp of alcohol from his wineskin and looked at Henry’s face.
“Don’t I know you from somewhere though? You look familiar.”
A flame of anger lit inside Henry, making his insides burn with fires of hell. He bit his lip from the inside to the point of drawing blood, the metallic taste adding fuel onto the fire, but he kept his composure enough.
“I’ve never seen you before in my life.”
“Hmm, if you say so. My memory isn’t what it used to be. Too much drinking, or not enough!”
Henry rolled his eyes. Of course, another bastard trying to drown his sins in alcohol.
“So, you ready for combat?”
“Ready as I’ll ever be.”
…
“Ma!... MA! Where are you?” - Henry shouted in the house, trying to find his mother or grab her attention. He walked into a room to see his mom hunched over on a stool, leaning her weight on a table and napping. As much as he didn’t want to wake her from her rest, the door creaking gave him away, making Henry’s Ma immediately stand up like she didn’t just get woken up. It was like magic.
“What’s wrong Hal? Why’re you yelling?”
“Maaa, it won’t stop bleeding.”
She looked down at Henry’s hands, seeing the split between his fingers leaking dark red without mercy.
“Jesus Hal, what happened!” - she immediately rushed to him, leading him to sit on a chair next to the door. She quickly disappeared to grab something to help. Henry wiped his nose and tears with the sleeve of his shirt, trying not to let his pain show. Although she would know. She always knew.
His Ma came back quickly with a few phials and bandages, sitting next to Henry and holding his hand with her own.
“You’ve been at that damned swordplay again, haven’t you!”
“Maaa, come on.”
“I warned you to stay away from that guy, he’s dangerous.”
“It’s fine, I just screwed up a little.”
She squeezed his hand, making Henry grimace in pain - “This is not a little Hal! What if your father knew about this? How angry he would get at you.”
“Then don’t tell him. It’s just a bruise.”
She flicked his forehead with a disappointed exhale and opened up one of the phials, pouring the liquid inside onto the bandages and carefully wrapping it around Henry’s hand.”
“Ow, it stings.”
“You’ll get over it.”
She pulled at the bandage to tighten it before wrapping it around Henry’s hand. Then she opened a different phial and handed it to Henry.
Henry took it and sniffed to tell what it was, recognising it as the painkiller brew, he immediately drank it in one go.
“Jesus Hal, please stop going to that guy. He’s going to put bad ideas in your head!”
“It’s fine. He’s leaving today anyway.”
“That’s good news at least.”
She chuckled and gently patted Henry’s head, ruffling his short hair.
“My sweet son doesn’t need to hurt others. You’re too kind for that, Hal.”
…
Vanyek was laying flat on his back, a sword pressed tightly against his Adam's apple. Henry looked down at him with narrowed pupils, breathing heavily, barely keeping himself from ending this man right then and there.
“Tell me something, Vanyek. Did you know about the raid in Skalitz before it happened?”
“Skalitz? Why do you care?”
“Answer the fucking question!” - Henry pressed the sword tighter against Vanyek, drawing blood, minimal, but still more than a warning, more than a threat.
“Fine, stop it. Yes I knew.”
“What were you doing there?”
“I was paid to train up some lads, maybe recruit them for our cause.”
Henry’s brain turned at light speed, trying to make sense of everything. Who would send this guy to Skalitz, what were they trying to do with the men they trained. Was there anyone else besides Henry?
…
Martin poked at Henry’s bandage with a suspicious look while Henry was hammering away at the sword. The boy grimaced and pulled his arm back in instinct, nearly burning himself on the forge’s hot air.
“Did you get in a fight? I heard some of your friends threw shit at the german’s house.”
“I know, I wasn’t with them though so there’s no problem.”
“Hmm, why not? A lad at your age would do anything with his friends.”
“They’re not, it’s not like that. I just didn’t want to do it.”
“Right. Then are you gonna tell me how you hurt your hand?”
“It’s nothing.”
“Don’t lie to me Hal!”’
Henry’s hand froze midair while swinging the hammer. He thought for a second. Maybe being honest wouldn’t be too bad this time. He raised the hammer again and swung.
“I was training with that mercenary you don’t like.”
“Really Hal!? How many times have I told you…”
“I know, I know. Don’t worry, he’s leaving today so your wishes are fulfilled Pa.”
Martin sighed, putting down the handle he was working on and stood behind Henry, patting him on the back. An unexpected gesture.
“Look, Hal. I get that you want to leave this place. You won’t tell us why, and that’s… I’m fine with that. But fighting is not the way. You can be the greatest swordmaster in the world, but get shot by a crossbow the moment you step foot outside of the house.”
Henry sighed, looking back at Martin, but this time he didn’t spot anger, or a lie, but a sad expression of a history his Pa never wanted to tell.
“Alright, I’ll think of something else…”
“That’s my boy! You’re a great blacksmith already, you could definitely make a name for yourself… and your potions aren’t half bad either.”
“I thought you didn’t like me learning that stuff.”
“I didn’t, but your painkillers are even better than your Ma’s. A craftsman admires all trades.”
The two men chuckled and continued working on Radzig’s sword. This would be the greatest piece they had ever made.
Together.
…
Henry took the blade away from Vanyek’s throat. The man started coughing and gasping for air after finally being released from Henry’s tight corner. Henry turned around before Vanyek could take another look at his face, hoping not to get recognized by the scumbag.
He quickly stepped away, walking back towards the inner gate, approaching the building in the middle.
A few voices could be heard from Erik’s building, talking between each other and laughing. One of them seemed familiar, freezing Henry’s hand at the handle as he opened the door. The man was wearing a blue pourpoint and a dark chaperone, facing Erik.
“Sir, may I?”
Erik looked from behind the man’s shoulder and Henry looked at him back. The two were standing close. Too close for normal situations or men. He raised his eyebrows but Erik snarled at him.
“What is it?”
“I went to the sword master as you ordered and…”
As Henry was speaking, the man dressed in dark clothes turned around and faced him. Henry’s eyes fixed on his face, freezing him in place. Erik lost his temper, approaching him with angry footsteps.
“What’s the matter, lost your tongue?”
Henry opened his mouth, but couldn’t get a word out, his brain still trying to comprehend the situation.
“I think I know what’s troubling the young master. He’s surprised to see me here!”
He went up to Henry, booping his nose and chuckling before turning around - “when did you start recruiting Radzig’s people, Erik?”
“Radzig?”
“Indeed, this boy is very dear to him. And I expect he’s looking for this…?”
Henry’s narrowed eyes followed the man with caution, eyeing him up while his brain was still frozen. His gaze landed on a sword on the hip of the man, recognizing it in an instant.
His Pa’s sword.
This bastard had it.
“Am I right, young man?”
“You bastard!”
Henry’s body moved on its own before he could think, reaching for his sword and stepping towards the man, but the door, opened inwards, hid a third man standing behind it from his vision. He struck Henry with a pommel to the head, making him daze and stumble to the side. Henry only kept himself up from falling for a second, his legs wobbling as he stared into the eyes of the man who held his father’s sword.
…
“I’m glad you didn’t join your friends at the mischief with the deutsch’s house Hal, we have a business to run here and the german pays well.”
“That’s not why I refused them Pa. But, do you think it’s alright to let traitors speak ill of our king?”
“So Deutsch spouts some rubbish about the king and you what? Want to turn into a common fool?”
Henry turned around to the forge, already regretting asking the question, sensing an incoming lecture, but Martin didn't raise his tone, speaking to Henry with warmth.
“You might win a fight with violence, but you’ll never win an argument.”
Henry kept his back turned towards his pa, picking at the fire in the forge. He knew deep down what Martin was saying was true, but accepting it would mean giving up on his dream of leaving to be free in a way.
“Remember Henry, if you want to convince someone they’re wrong, try using your mouth and not your fists.”
Henry looked back at him, wanting to say something, finally admit more about himself that he had always hidden away. In this comfortable moment with Pa, where it felt like they truly understood each other, maybe it wouldn’t turn out so bad.
Maybe he’d understand.
Instead Henry blew the air at the forge again, heating it up and turning to Martin - “the furnace is ready.”
“Right, we’ll do the grip.”
Martin sharpened the sword one last time and moved next to Henry - “I’ll heat it up and when I take it out, you slip the grip on so it fits exactly.” - He chuckled when looking into Henry’s eyes, still lost in thought. Martin lightly hit Henry’s elbow with his hand, smiling at him and snapping him out of his spiral - “You know what you’re doing.”
Henry watched carefully as Martin placed the blade on the fire, the heat of the forge would force anyone to close their eyes, but both of the blacksmiths were used to the feeling already, observing the color of the metal carefully. Once it reached a nice and bright orange, Martin carefully picked it up and held it firm, signing with his head for Henry to do it.
Henry carefully gripped the hilt with his hands, trying to ignore the pain between his injured fingers as he pushed the wood against the blazing metal. Martin held the blade firm, allowing Henry to use his full body weight onto the hilt. He pulled it back, watching the blade’s shape bend to his will.
“Good, again.”
They once again pressed the blade and the handle against each other, shaping the two to fit perfectly with one another.
“Well done, now find a knife and file it down so it sits well in the hand. I’ll prepare the guard.”
Henry nodded, still lost in thought about something as he took up a knife and sat down next to the forge. Martin stepped away, sliding a guard onto the blade and fitting it properly.
“Father… Why did you leave Prague? Whoever heard of a master swordsmith making horse shoes in a village?”
“I had my reasons, Hal. And here I have your mother and you, why would I want any other life.”
“Do you remember emperor Charles?”
“I do. Life was good under his reign.”
“Better than now?”
“He built half of Prague and scores of castles, founded a university, and all that without a war… He knew how to rule.”
“Better than Wenceslas?”
“Better by far!... but Wenceslas doesn’t have it easy.”
“How so?”
“It’s hard to fill in the shoes of someone whose like is born once a thousand years.”
Henry thought about the words, was Wenceslas truly the reason for the chaos in the country? Chaos he had only heard tales of…
“What about Sigismund?”
“Do you think Charles would have brought an army down on his own subjects? No… Wenceslas may not be the equal of his father, but Sigismund brings shame to the royal name.”
Henry nodded, filing away at the handle absent mindedly, but it still turned out great, feeling smooth in his grip.
“Give it here.”
Martin took the Handle from Henry’s hands, once again grimacing at the sight of his bandages but not commenting on it anymore. He pressed the handle against the blade and hammered it in.
Martin held up the sword against the sun, staring at it with great eye for detail.
“It’s magnificent.”
“Magnificent indeed!”
Theresa approached the forge with a smile on her face. Her dress was a bit dirty at the ends, and she strangely had a bow on her back, but otherwise she looked pretty as ever.
“The lord be with you. My father sent me to fetch the nails.”
“Will you grab them for me Hal? They’re in the trunk in the living room.”
Henry nodded and quickly went inside, fumbling through the chest for a few seconds before finding the bag. Theresa was waiting on a long bench, staring at the sky with a distracted look.
“Here are those nails you wanted.”
“Thanks… So, how’s Bianca?”
“Uhm, she’s fine, why do you ask?”
“Just wondering… Will you be going to the dance with her this evening?”
Henry hesitated for a second, the dance had completely slipped his mind while being focused on the forge.
“We might be…”
“Then maybe I'll see you there. I won’t keep you much longer Hal. By the way, the sword is beautiful.”
“Thank you, Theresa.”
She walked away with fast steps, looking a bit worried but still keeping her composure. Henry eyed the bow on her back, still questioning its purpose in his mind until Martin called out for him.
“It’s time for trial by fire, Henry!”
Martin stuck a long stick into the ground and backed up, holding his sword with a perfect form and slicing through the wood like paper. He held it up again, looking at it with a satisfied smile on his face.
“We did a fine job!”
“I’d expect nothing less from such a renowned swordsmith.” - Radzig’s voice came unexpectedly. Henry bowed when the noble approached him.
“Those days are gone, sir.” - Martin slightly bowed and handed the sword over to Radzig, who took it with great joy, gripping the holt tightly and measuring the sword’s weight.
“You haven’t lost your skills though.”
He approached the stick, stuck in the ground and swung at it, slicing it with ease like Martin. He looked at the inscription of the sword with a smile again and suddenly turned back to Henry, who was timidly watching from against the forge.
“Would you like to try it?” - Radzig held the sword out towards Henry, but Martin approached in a rush, trying to stop it from happening.
“Sir, what good is a sword for a commoner?”
“Let him try it.”
Henry carefully grabbed the sword from Radzig’s hands, trying to avoid Martin’s deadly glare as he approached the stick.
Easy enough, the sword was great and Henry had practiced…
Yet each time he swung at the wood, it deflected Henry, like he was unworthy.
A voice echoed through his head as he felt the heat of everyone’s disappointed gazes on him - “You’re lacking that edge men like me have earned…”
He quietly handed the sword back to Radzig, who looked at him with a complicated expression, a mixture of disappointment and something else Henry couldn’t place.
“You still have a lot to learn. Ask your father to show you how. He knows what he’s about.”
Martin coughed in an angered tone - “Learning his trade will serve him better in life… Sir.”
“Perhaps. But who knows what the future holds for each of us.”
“The sword just needs a little polish and Henry will bring it to you.”
“Excellent, fine work, very fine…”
Radzig turned towards his guest, who had been standing in the shadows the whole time, blending into the background. Henry finally looked at him, a dark chaperone, dark blue pourpoint or gamberson, he didn’t quite know the difference.
“A sword such as this will bring honour to its bearer. What say you, sir Istvan?”
“True, Sir Radzig. If I had it’s like back in Nicopolis, things would have worked out differently.”
He rested the blade of the sword on one hand, gripping its handle tight with another and pointed it at Martin.
“How odd to find such an accomplished blacksmith in a place like this.”
Henry perked his sharp ears up, hoping to finally hear something from his father’s mysterious past.
“A man of his talent would have no trouble in making a fortune in Prague.”
“You’re right, it’s a very long and peculiar story.”
“I’d be glad to hear it over a cup of wine, but duty calls… and I must leave.”
He handed the sword back to Martin and looked at Henry with a strange expression. Henry’s hair stood up from the gaze, like the man had known more about him than even Henry knew about himself.
“Learn from your father, he truly is a master of his craft.”
The nobles walked away, talking about a trip to Sasau, but Henry just kept staring at the two, trying to figure out why both of them gave him a gnawing feeling in his gut. He felt his father’s gaze on his back, so he turned back and asked a question first.
“A long peculiar history?”
“That was a long time ago. I might tell you about it someday, but not today.”

…
The memory grew blurry as a horn rang through Henry’s head. The damned warhorn that preceded Sigismund’s army from ambushing Skalitz. Henry felt a cold feeling wash over his body, waking him up from his delusions.
Henry felt another bucket of water get splashed onto his face as he opened his eyes. Erik stood in front of him, holding the bucket. When Henry blinked to gather his mind, he quickly backed away into a corner. Another gritty voice, belonging to Radzig’s esteemed guest filled the dark room.
“I apologize for the discomfort, but it’s for your own safety… and ours-of course. “
Henry’s mind reeled as it gathered itself, trying to remember what happened. Everything came back at once, the memories of Skalitz, the sword on Istvan’s hip, the hit on his head…
“You can count yourself lucky, lad. I’m going to keep you alive. I’m sure your father will pay a nice fat ransom for you.”
Henry’s eyes flew open at the words, he tried to rush forward, lunge at the man, but he finally felt his hands suspended by rope in the air, holding him suspended above ground. He spat in Istvan’s direction, but missed the mark thanks to his blurry vision.
“My father is dead. That lackey of yours didn’t even let me bury him.”
Istvan’s face was covered with a wretched grin as he turned around towards his friend.
“He doesn’t know, Erik! Nobody told him!” - the laughter in his tone added fuel to Henry’s raging fire inside, but it did little good to help him - “ They told me, a foreigner, but not him. How very inconsiderate.”
Henry looked in their direction with a confused look, seeing Erik’s mocking face and Istvan’s crooked grin. Istvan walked towards him, grabbing Henry’s face with one of his hands to stabilize him.
“I’m sure you’d like to hear this under different circumstances and from someone else, boy, but beggars can’t be choosers.”
Henry spit at his face again, but Istvan just smiled even wider, not even cleaning it off or letting go of Henry.
“Your father, your REAL father, is alive. You even know him. It’s your liege lord, Radzig Kobyla.”
The news poured over Henry’s mind like molten metal.
This had to be a lie.
Right?
A pathetic attempt to get under his skin, it had to be.
It made no sense…
Or didn’t it?
Even more memories came back to Henry: Radzig asking about him outside of Talmberg, letting him enlist in his service despite his insubordination, Hans asking Henry why Radzig was so easy on him, Radzig telling him that he can’t trust anyone else with the mission….
“Go find Radzig, he’ll take care of you, he owes me.”
The last thing Martin told Henry before his death.
“Although, how much can he really care about you?” - Istvan walked behind Henry, whispering in his ear like a snake -”here you are, a homeless orphan, and he still hasn’t acknowledged you…”
Istvan stood directly behind Henry, running his fingers down Henry’s stripped back, covered in bruises and signs of starvation.
“Your parents are both dead, aren’t they.”
Henry had long lost his tongue, suffering in silence as Istvan touched him in an uncomfortable way along his back, running his fingers up towards his shoulder.
“I thought so, and yet Radzig still hasn’t told you the truth.”
Istvan grabbed Henry’s shoulder in a familiar manner that disturbed Henry even more, squeezing it tightly, something that his close ones would sometimes use to calm Henry down, was being sullied by this bastard.
“Perhaps he’s ashamed of you?”
Henry pushed his shoulder out of his grasp as best as he could, averting his eyes to the corner of the eye to see a grunt he didn’t recognize standing there and next to him, Erik was sitting and staring at Henry with anger that didn’t make sense.
“I heard there were some nasty rumors swirling around you in the village, stuff like that never goes away, does it.”
Henry’s eyes widened, his mind could only come up with one thing at what Istvan could mean, and this reaction almost gave it away. Istvan put his arm over Henry’s shoulder, leaning on him from the side, whispering into his ear and making a non-stop shiver run up and down Henry’s spine.
“Perhaps he won’t pay that ransom after all.”
Henry felt like he was going to cry, but at the same time, no tears approached his eyes. His head was about to split open from the aching, his body felt bruised and weakened from the disrupted bloodflow, thanks to the ropes.
Istvan finally let go of him, walking towards Erik.
“Best not to think about that, if he won’t pay the ransom then you’re of no value to me…
“My father’s dead! YOU KILLED HIM!”
Istvan turned around in surprise, looking amused that Henry finally spoke up again.
“I understand why you feel that way. My own childhood was not dissimilar.”
Erik walked over to Istvan, once again standing too close for normal people. Henry’s eyes widened from realization.
These bastards.
They were like him.
Demons.
“How strange that we should have something in common.”
“I… I’m nothing like you, you fucking cocksuckers!”
Erik suddenly walked forward with great speed, bringing his hand back before charging it forward at Henry. Hard steel gauntlets met with Henry’s ribs, making him cough out all the air in his abused body. The pain stung almost worse than any Henry had experienced in his life of adventure so far.
Despite this, he refused to make a sound for Istvan’s satisfaction.
“A little defensive there, boy. That was not what I meant but I’m not so sure you knew that.”
Istvan’s face lost its crooked grin, falling into a more serious expression.
“But I’ve delayed long enough. Now it’s time for you to tell me why you’re here.”
“I was looking for my father’s sword, which was stolen by a certain bastard!”
Erik’s gauntlet hit Henry’s ribs again, on the opposite side this time. Henry lost his breath, his muscles tensed at the sharp pain quickly spreading through his body. His breathing became ragged as Erik lined up for another punch but waited for Henry to speak again.
Istvan took out Martin’s sword from its sheath, holding it in Henry’s direction like he held it against Martin in Henry’s memories.
“And I found it. But I wonder which father you mean, in a way it belongs to both.”
“Doesn’t matter, I’ll KILL YOU WITH IT…”
Another punch, harder than the two previous ones, straight into Henry’s gut. He felt whatever he had left in his stomach quickly rise to his throat in response, bile spilling down his chin and torso while coating his tongue with its taste.
Erik looked at him with disgust on his face, backing away from Henry to not get anything spilled onto him. Instead he walked to a table in the corner of the room behind Henry. He couldn’t turn to see what Erik was doing, but he heard clattering of metal on metal, tools nested next to each other for a variety of uses. His ears perked nervously as Erik picked something up, intentionally dragging across the table to make as much sound as possible. When Henry tried to look back, Istvan grabbed his chin and pushed Henry’s face forward again.
“You’re hardly in a position to threaten me, but now that I think of it, why not? If your father, your REAL father, pays your ransom, I’ll give you an opportunity to try.
Erik chuckled from behind Henry, slapping the tool against his gauntlet for measure, the echo haunting Henry’s ears.
“That’s very generous of you, Istvan.”
“Isn’t it?”
“Radzig will crush you! And I’ll be there to see it when he brings justice to you.”
A blunt object swung through the air, the sound reaching Henry’s hearing first before he felt the long metal smash into his side. It sent a massive wave of pain through his entire body that didn’t stop, instead it felt like his side was on fire from the pain and nausea. Henry unintentionally flexed his arms, legs, everything to try and distribute the pain, slightly rising further in the air against his arm restraints.
“Justice. Justice? And what is justice, oh great Henry of Skalitz. Destroying Wenceslas’s enemies? Bringing down sigismund? You think your side doesn’t do just as much of the devil’s work as I have?”
“You’re a monster, a heartless monster, not a devil.”
Erik went to swing another time, but Istvan raised his hand, making him stop in his tracks. Istvan stepped in closer, slowly running his hand over the spots where Erik had punched Henry. Henry tried to pull away, to kick, spit, anything, but his strength was barren, whatever was left focusing on minimizing the excruciating pain.
“Have you heard of Lord Sokol of Lamberg, or Sir Hynek the “dry devil”? They fought for your king and plundered the estates of lords in Austria, just as I am doing here. And you!” - Istvan pointed his finger at Henry, pressing it into his forehead and pushing his head back - “ What have you been fighting for, boy? For your king? For your honour? I’ve heard some stories you know. Nameless “knight” going around the region, threatening the people to tell him about the bandits.”
Henry stayed quiet, partly because he knew he couldn’t handle much more of the torture, but also because he didn’t have an answer.
What was he fighting for, what was he killing for.
That first bandit that he killed for no reason.
The cumans who captured Hans that he didn’t even try to negotiate with.
The bandits he ruthlessly murdered while investigating Neuhof.
His memories of his victims had started to fade the more he killed.
Runt, his head turning to nothing but a meatbag in his hands.
The two men he killed while fighting alongside Hans.
It felt… gratifying.
It wasn’t for justice, for Wenceslas, or the good being of the people.
It was pure, hot blooded revenge that didn’t let Henry’s blood cool on any day since the raid on Skalitz.
“What do I fight for? Killing bastards like you is fun, isn’t it. I’m sure you agree since you think we’re so similar.”
“Bastards like me? Do enlighten us, dear Henry.”
“Whoreson cocksuckers who will never be anything more in life!”
Istvan’s pupils narrowed at the statement as he swung at Henry’s face before Erik could. His metal gauntlet disfigured Henry’s nose. Istvan watched as blood trickled down from Henry’s nose, but instead of grimacing from pain, Henry licked it with his tongue and laughed, his teeth covered in filthy red, like a demon’s.
The tangy taste of bile mixed with the taste of iron coated Henry’s tongue, but it tasted heavenly to him, knowing he made Istvan lose his composure for it.
“You’ve held a sword for two months and you think you know how the world works, do you? We’ll see about that, bastard! You can fight for Radzig’s approval all you want, men like us will never get anything handed to us on a silver platter!”
Erik Handed Istvan the tool he had been holding the whole time. A long Iron tong that could press down harder than any human could. The blacksmith was familiar with the tool, but instead of the fear Istvan expected, Henry looked at him with fire in his eyes, like he was challenging him.
“Do it you cunt! Since all you can do is beat up defenceless people like a coward.”
Istvan didn’t hesitate, grabbing a chunk of flesh under Henry’s ribcage and pressing down on it.
Henry’s mind was breaking, from exhaustion, hunger, anger, pain, shock. He had reached his boiling point, not even feeling pain anymore as he laughed directly into Istvan’s face. The Hungarian pressed on the tool harder and harder, using all of his force before finally, he pulled it away, ripping a chunk of Henry’s flesh, muscle by muscle, tissue to tissue, away from his ribcage. Crimson red blood poured out of the hole down Henry’s torso, staining his braies and the dirt floor. The smell of blood intensified in the dungeon's air as a mixture of screaming laughter filled the room, unrelenting, unending. Erik watched with widened eyes as Istvan pulled back from Henry, eyes, for once, confused, unable to come up with a next step. It was all going overboard.
Erik stepped forward, hitting Henry’s temple with the back of his gauntlet, yet again, to knock him out. Henry’s head rocked, his vision blurred from pain, but he refused to let his hysterical laughter end as long as he was awake.
Suddenly, a bandit burst through the door, nervously approaching Istvan who still stood frozen, Erik next to him trying to get him to his senses.
Henry’s vision blurred more and more as his consciousness barely hung on. His ears were ringing, barely anything making it past the sound of his laughter until Istvan stood right next to his left ear.
“I’m afraid we’re running out of time here, Henry of Skalitz. But know this, you saw our numbers when sneaking in, no one will stand a chance against me in this region. I will become your new lordship.”
He spat in Henry’s face, though it had little to no effect -“Like they say, the stronger dog fucks the bitches” - Istvan slapped Henry’s ass, making him scrunch up his body again - “And war is a nasty business. So think about your part in all this, Radzig’s bastard.”
Istvan and Erik quickly stepped out of the dungeon. Henry tried to follow them with his eyes through his blurry vision, but darkness finally took hold of him.

…
Henry’s vision was darkened with bloody red.
But this time, he wasn’t fighting.
He was remembering.
Remember everything he needed to.
He stood at the inner gate, looking at Skalitz in flames. Red mist of blood coated the dirt streets as horses ran down the roads, Cumans massacring anyone that couldn’t run fast enough. Henry’s Pa and Ma were no exception. Martin ran in front, fighting off as many men as he could.
He parried a Cuman running at them from the left and sliced through his throat without hesitation.
Another Cuman ran at them from the front, Martin blocked his swing, leading his sword down before stabbing through the arm, twisting the sword and pulling out in a swift motion.
As he pulled back, another man without a helmet on, tried to grab onto Henry’s Ma. Martin swiftly hung onto her other hand, pulling her free from his grasp and immediately striking the man from his blindspot into his eye.
Henry stood frozen as he watched his simple blacksmith father demolish the army, but fate was never so kind.
A bald man, the general, saw the way Martin had fought and ran at him with his horse.
Two more Cumans ran at Martin from different sides. He parried one of them and immediately sliced his throat, but when he looked back, the other one had taken a swing at his wife. Luckily, she managed to dodge out of it as Martin swung his sword up, cleaving through the man’s head.
He raised his head, helping Henry’s Ma get up when Markvart came from behind on his horse, slicing Martin along his back.
He fell forward.
Ma tried to catch him, but more Cumans ran at them, slicing her more than necessary, ending her life before Martin’s.
Henry stood frozen at the gate as the dozen Cumans looked up at him. Their last target on the bloody road. Markvart stared at Henry with eyes of…
Pity.
Henry would kill him, make him pay, revel in his anguish…
One day.
…
“Henry, Henry! Wake up already. Henry!”
Henry tried to open his eyes, but the overwhelming pain and exhaustion took hold of him, threatening to let his consciousness slip again.
“Jesus that brute really worked you over, here drink this.”
A wineskin was pressed to Henry’s mouth, making him drink something bitter, but his body welcomed any form of moisture at that point. He slowly swallowed the liquid and opened his eyes.
“I thought you’d never come around.”
“How do you… know my name?”
He had opened his eyes, but his vision was still blurred, slowly focusing.
“Don’t you recognize me?”
“Zbyshek!?”
The man nodded.
“You fucking traitor! You throw me to those bastards and then act like nothing happened!?”
“Shut up, be quiet!”- Zbyshek pressed his palm over Henry’s mouth to silence him, but Henry immediately bit at his fingers, making him pull back from shock.
“Damn it , Henry. Listen! Maybe, we got off on the wrong foot, but I’m your only chance of getting out of here alive. So do you want my help or not?”
Henry tried his best to sit upright, the pain all over his body, but especially his side, had slightly lessened.
“What did you make me drink!?”
“Just some wine or something like that, supposed to help with pain.”
“And what the fuck do you want from me!?”
“I want to get you out of here. Or if you want, I can leave you to rot and Istvan can torture you to death!”
“Fine, let’s get out of here, untie me.”
“That’s what I like to hear. But first, swear you’ll tell Radzig I helped you. And that you’ll pay me too.”
“Alright, I swear.”
“Good, I’ll have to trust that you’re a man of honour.
Henry’s mind finally came to his senses, only to comprehend the words and start reeling in anger again. Zbyshek, the bastard who pushed Theresa towards the Cumans to save his own skin, who was looting the corpses in Skalitz, who led Runt to Henry and caused him to lose his sword, was asking for honor and money?
Henry’s soul was too damaged to care about honour anymore.
“I am a man of honour.”
“Good. Now listen…”
The plan was simple: jump from the lowered wall into a pile of shit. Although it wasn’t very appetizing, Henry managed to do that much thanks to the painkiller Zbyshek gave him. He walked along the cliff wall until he found the meeting spot with the bandit.
“So, we’re out. Now it's your turn to keep your part of the bargain, Henry.”
“Don’t worry. I keep my word. But I have to go to Rattay and see Fath…Lord Radzig. Istvan took all my coins.”
“Fine, we should get out of here as quick as we can anyway.”
“And you wouldn’t have a horse around here? That torture didn’t exactly make me fit for walking to Rattay from here.”
“I uh… I actually didn’t think of that.”
Henry facepalmed from exhaustion, but remembered that he had left Pebbles not too far from the camp. If he could just make it there.
Henry put his arm around Zbyshek’s shoulder, leaning on him to alleviate the raging pain in his torso. Despite the painkillers, his pain was too strong. Every step was impossible, grimacing at every twitch of his muscles, but he had to pull through. He couldn’t fall unconscious, not here, not in front of Zbyshek.
This fucking traitor would get what he deserved.
After an hour of stumbling through the forest, finally, a gray mare showed up on a whistle, immediately running towards Henry in a worried gesture. Henry patted her head before pulling some carrots from her saddlebag and feeding it to her.
Henry mounted pebbles first, gently patting her mare. Zbyshek followed up behind him, making Henry shift from discomfort, but there weren’t many options…
…
Theresa sat on a bench in the Mill’s yard, gently patting Mutt on his head while staring at the starry night, lost in thought. It had been two days since Henry last visited her and left for a quick mission again.
He should have been back by now.
Anxiety ate at her heart, what if something was wrong.
What if he was captured and needed help.
Henry wouldn’t stop until he had rescued her, why was she hesitating to do the same.
She heard the sound of horse’s hooves hitting the ground, running down the road towards the mill. She turned her head and saw Capon’s horse, covered in bright yellow that stood out even at night. On top of it, Hans held the reins with a worried expression, seemingly lost in thought. Theresa walked onto the road, waving at him to stop near her.
“Hans, where are you going at this time?”
“Theresa… you told me he would be back within a day right?”
“Aye.”
“It’s been more than two, so where is he?”
“I-I don’t know. There hasn’t been any contact from him…”
“I have a bad feeling, what if he was captured, or worse. I have to find him.”
“You don’t even know where he went!”
“Yeah, but… I have to. He would do the same.”
Theresa sighed, rubbing her eyes to calm the storm inside her mind before looking up at Hans.
“He didn’t tell me where the camp was, just that it was around Sasau. We can’t look blindly through the forest at night.”
“But.”
“Be realistic, Hans. What can we do? I have a bad feeling about this as well, but we’re… I’m powerless in this.”
Hans was about to talk back again when suddenly Mutt barked loudly, breaking their tension, both of them looking at the dog instead. Mutt barked again, then stood up and sprinted past Hans into the road, past the point where they could see. Theresa looked at him in confusion before trying to sprint after him, but Hans placed his arm on her shoulder, making her stop in her tracks.
“Wait, that Mutt might have heard something coming.” - He jumped down from his horse, making Theresa look at the door of the mill - “Take cover in there, if it’s an enemy, you need to be safe. Grab a weapon, if you can find any too.”
Hans took out his bow, readying an arrow to be drawn at the necessary moment. Theresa looked at him once, reassured by Hans’s competence. She ran into the mill, grabbing the dagger that hung next to the door and approaching the back entrance to safely look at the road.

For a few seconds, silence stretched across the road, She saw Hans slowly walk forward, then stop and raise his bow again. Mutt’s barking reached their ears again, this time not stopping, then came familiar voices.
“Ah this fucking Mutt, make him shut up, Henry!”
Theresa froze next to the doorframe.
Zbyshek, her “brother”.
The bastard who pushed her towards the Cumans to save his own skin.
“He must remember you after last time in Skalitz, what did you expect, you bastard.”
“Just make him shut up.”
“Stop right there!”
Hans’s loud command covered the entire road, making Henry pull the reins of Pebbles and make her stop on the spot.
“Hans?”
“Henry?”
“What are you doing here?”
“Me? Where the fuck have you been.”
“I, uhh.” - He coughed mid sentence, his face scrunching from pain before properly looking at Hans again - “It’s a long story. Where’s Radzig?”
“He’s in the lower castle probably, I don’t know if he’s awake.”
Henry turned towards the other man sitting behind him on Pebbles - “You, get off my horse, we’re almost there.”
“What? Come on, you’re gonna make me walk the last few meters?”
“I said off.”
“Fiine, bastard. Don’t forget who saved you.”
Zbyshek clumsily jumped off the horse, barely landing on his feet before walking on the left side of Pebbles, keeping the mill out of his sight.
Theresa looked through the window with widened eyes, her face barely visible to anyone unless they knew she would be there.
Henry was expecting her there.
Their eyes met, both darkened with anger, anger for the rat that stood beside Henry.
He simply nodded, telling Theresa everything she needed to know through that simple action.
Zbyshek was free to be killed by her.
Theresa didn’t hesitate, putting all her skills she’s learned as a miller to use.
It all happened within a few seconds.
Henry saw from the corner of his eyes, a shadow slip out of the back entrance and approach from behind them, quiet, deadly.
Zbyshek on his left yawned , closing his eyes and bringing his palm to his mouth.
Hans made his horse walk towards Henry’s, a mix of thoughts in his brain making him unaware of what was about to happen.
As Zbyshek brought down his hands to his sides again, a different palm slid over his mouth, pulling his face back against someone’s body and before he could react, a dagger sunk into his chest. He tried to make a noise, but the hand on his mouth muffled it as the knife slid from his chest, down through his guts.
Theresa twisted the knife before dragging it out and letting go of Zbyshek’s body, letting him drop to the ground face first.
…
Henry looked away from Hans, down to his left at the sound of a body hitting the ground. His eyes met Theresa’s for a split second, recognizing the feeling that he had when he first killed that nameless bandit, but she blinked and immediately brought her knife down into Zbyshek’s back, once, twice, more and more, covering his entire tunic in blood.
The man couldn’t even scream for help, mercy, anything as his body stopped fighting, stopped resisting.
“Just as you deserve, scum.”
Theresa dropped the knife onto his body and wiped her face with her sleeve, covering it with more blood instead of cleaning it off.
“Tess.”
“Go Hal, you have your mission to complete.”
“But.”
“Just go. And… thank you…”
Henry’s side flared up with pain, making his spine shrivel up to try and find comfort. He looked up again to see Hans frozen on his horse, looking dumbfounded.
Their eyes finally met.

Notes:

Next chapter will be soon and it will be fluff, I was going to do that part here too but I started slipping into 15k word count and I would go insane, instead splitting the chapter.

I might have ended up on a few lists while looking up on torture writing advice. I love the torture scene in kcd2 because it's so well done and much more emotional than the one in kcd1, even though Henry gets pretty big lore drops on him.
Outside of that, after discussing with friends and even listening to Logan Hillier's stream, I have decided to take the story in a bit different way than I originally planned, the endgame is the same, Hansry will be canon, but I want to emphasize on other character relationships with my Gay Henry as well before Suchdol, 50% because Henry just has sexual tension with like every man he meets, but because I want to take more liberties wiht the story 1 to 1 story retelling would be a bit boring imo.

 

Essentially, my kcd timeline will be a bit more rushed to fit the story vibes, stuck in war, barely time to take care of themselves and worry about others, etc etc. Cause if I kept going at this pace, Suchdol wwould happen like 400k words in and I don't have enough willpower to last that long.

thank you for reading, leaving comments, kudos, or just lurking. I appreciate all of you (˶ᵔ ᵕ ᵔ˶)

Chapter 15: where is the line drawn

Summary:

Henry reports to Radzig and gets treated for his injuries. Hans decides to help him relax.

Notes:

SMUT WARNING!!!! NEAR THE END OF THE CHAPTER!!!
Tags updated for the smut.
This chapter was supposed to be done 3 days ago, but food poisoning's a bitch and so is this summer's heat ╥﹏╥

Hans froze as he heard the thud of a body hitting the floor. He didn’t even see Theresa sneak over there or use her knife until the ground shook from the weight. He tried to speak up, ask why the fuck she did that, but as he opened his mouth, Henry looked back at him, with a look that begged him to just stay quiet. Hans stared into Henry’s eyes, lost in the void of the dark blue circles, but Henry blinked and turned his head down towards Theresa, speaking to her in short sentences. Hans' gaze finally moved, down from where Henry’s eyes met his a moment earlier, onto Henry’s face. His nose was crooked; it looked disfigured, as if it had been broken. Hans’s eyes widened and moved down from it, only to notice a big split over Henry’s upper lip.
Did he get punched? What the fuck had happened in the last two days? Theresa said he looked all right when she saw him.
Henry turned his head back at Hans again, muttering something at him, but he didn’t hear anything; instead, he just kept seeing more and more.
Henry’s eyes were bloodshot, and there was dried blood on his forehead and below his nose. A dirty tunic covered Henry’s body, but the way his spine kept shriveling every time he took a breath indicated that things weren’t fine down there either. Further below the tunic, the left side of his braies was painted by dry blood, going down in heavy streaks onto Henry’s calves, which had lost its toned look …
Hans quickly looked up again, not wanting to ogle Henry in such a time of distress, but instead his eyes landed on something that made his face flush with conflicting emotions.
A bite mark on Henry’s ear. Slight, fading, but easy to spot for the experienced womanizer, bold Hans Capon!
But a bite? From who, when, where, why!?
Someone who beat up Henry wouldn’t give him that mark, right?
Was it a feisty lover? But Henry had spent most of his time in the monastery, and his type wasn’t exactly common… He could have gotten it during the last two days, but another memory sparked in Hans’s mind.
“Trust me, Sir Hans, it would have been worse if you saw him now.”
Is this what Theresa meant that time? Did he already have this mark? Did she know Hans’s brain would go crazy over such a small thing?
Hans finally snapped out of his spiral, looking over at Theresa, covered in blood, stumbling towards the mill. Henry was staring at her, then turned towards Hans.
“You look… tired.”
“Aye…”
“Henry, I…”
“Not now, Sir Hans.”
Sir Hans. Using the honorifics that Hans had often reminded Henry to drop. Honorifics he sometimes used when the distance was growing between them, threatening to drop them into the abyss.
Henry held onto his left side with his right arm, grasping hard to soften the pain as best as he could. The worn-off adrenaline no longer helped him tough out the aftereffects of his psychotic break back in Vranik.
“You need a healer!”
“Why are you out here?”
“I… To look for you. I was worried.”
Henry’s expression broke, his brows furrowing away from the composed face he had tried his best to craft.
“Well, it’s too late now… I need to speak to Radzig. Where is he?”
“I-In the lower castle, he’s sleeping now, though.”
“It can’t wait, the bandits are making their move. And…”
Henry’s tongue froze, his throat closing before he could admit something. Hans could tell, whatever it was lay heavy on his squire’s heart, but he couldn’t bring himself to pry.
The distance between them grew colder.
Hans turned his horse around and signaled for Henry to follow. The squire nodded, unable to utter any words between the sharp stings of pain. As the horses walked away, a grim sight was left behind on the road.
Unimportant, just like Zbyshek.
Hans’s gaze was fixed forward, barely keeping his composure, unsure of what to do. Henry needed help, clearly, but he was rejecting him at every turn. Something had happened, and as much as Hans wanted to know, he didn’t want to pry too far and push his friend away instead.
It came time, again, to act his noble role, and for once, he didn’t mind it… for Henry.
As they approached the gate, he saw a sleepy guard leaning against the wall with his eyes closed. A joke of a gatekeeper, but he’d do.
“You! Wake up and tell Sir Hanush to meet Sir Hans Capon and Sir Radzig in Lower Pirkstein!”
The guard jumped in place, looking through his blurry vision until he made out Hans’s face in the darkness. He immediately straightened his back, trying to seem like he wasn’t just asleep, but remained frozen in place.
“NOW! I said Summon Sir Hanush immediately!”
“But sir…”
“No buts! It’s an emergency.”
The guard stopped talking, immediately turning tail and jogging up the dark roads of Rattay. Hans sighed and turned back to Henry, making sure he was still conscious. He didn’t look so good.
Henry’s skin was turning paler by the second, losing all shade of life beneath his grimy-covered body. Hans made his horse back up, setting her next to Pebbles. He reached his hand over, wanting to place a hand on Henry’s shoulder and shake him to make sure he was awake, but…
As soon as Hans’s glove grazed Henry’s skin, the boy changed immediately. His body jerked away from Hans, as if trying to escape his touch as best as it could. Henry’s fingers slipped from his hold on the reins, rushing outwards on both sides, as if breaking free from a restraint, making him lose his balance and almost falling off, but Hans caught his hand.
“Don’t, don’t touch me!”
“Henry, what’s wrong?”
Henry pulled his hand away from Hans’s grasp, not letting his fingers wander a second too much like he usually would have.
“Let’s just go.”
The moon tried its best to shine down on the two as they walked into the Lower Pirkstein, but dark clouds quickly covered it, hiding the world away from its gaze.
Two guards quickly ran up to them.
“Sir Hans!? When did you leave?” - then they looked behind him, seeing Henry slumped over, barely keeping himself on his horse.
“Hal?”
…
Henry’s vision blurred and darkened , then came back, too bright, then darkened again. His vision pulsed, his eyes hurt, his face was on fire, his entire body was losing power.
Suddenly, he felt a hand touch his shoulder, only lightly…
“Perhaps he’s ashamed of you?”
Istvan’s voice echoed through Henry’s ears as he felt a tight squeeze on his shoulders. His hands were tied again, a rough glove grasping his aching shoulder as the snake of a man whispered lies and doubts into his ears. The sound of the metal tong being swung in the air echoed through his mind as the sharp pain on his right side flared up again.
Henry pulled his arms apart, but the rope held him firm in place, suspended above ground as Istvan’s hand slid lower…
Suddenly, Henry felt a pull on his arm, preventing him from falling off his horse. He opened his eyes, seeing Hans holding him steady with a concerned look on his face.
It was irritating.
Henry didn’t deserve it.
A hiss escaped him, the venom in his heart coating his words, aimed at the wrong person.
“Don’t touch me.”
“Henry, what’s wrong?”
Henry’s eyes focused on the hand preventing him from falling.
How he wished it would let go and just let him fall unconscious.
But Henry’s duty was not done yet. He pulled into the grip on his hand, stabilizing himself on Pebbles’s back before pulling his hand away from Hans, rougher than necessary.
“Let’s just go.”
Hans nodded, staring at his hand for a second like he had something wrong, before turning away from Henry and starting to walk towards the gate of Lower Pirkstein. Some guards ran up to Hans, cautious, asking their lord some questions until one of them turned towards Henry.
“Hal?”
Henry straightened his head, looking at one of the guards in his eyes. Janek, or Jaroslav, he was too delirious to tell, looked at him.
And it felt different.
Did they know this whole time that Radzig was his father? Every time they teased Henry, every time they allowed him to slip into the noble’s castle to get a look at another life, the taste of nobility. Every time the two guards were lenient with the young Henry as he talked to them about various flowers, potions, blacksmithing, or stories of the outside world, while they just listened, calm, patient, with nothing but a teasing smile on their faces.
How long had they lied to him?
“Radzig… I need to tell him.”
“Sir Radzig is asleep, Hal.”
“Then make him wake up!”
His tone became louder without meaning to, the poison in his heart pouring out, drip by drip.
“Don’t forget your place, Hal!”
“Don’t… don’t call me that, and my place is exactly what I need to figure out with him.”
The guard looked up at him, confused for a second, but suddenly his eyes widened at realization, his mouth opened a few times, trying to come up with something: an excuse? A lie? Henry didn’t care for them anymore.
“The bandits are planning…” - His injury on his left side, under the ribs, was suddenly set on fire, or that’s what it felt like. The hole in the flesh that did not belong there brushed against his dirty tunic, the sting sending waves of shock through Henry’s nervous system. His spine scrunched up again, his arms tensed on the reins, trying to hold on for their life.
Hans quickly jumped off his horse and turned toward the other guard - “Get Sir Radzig now! And you”- he turned towards Janek, who was talking to Henry - “Find a healer, anyone. He needs it.”
The two guards immediately dispersed, running to fulfill their lord’s command. Hans turned back towards Henry.
He wanted to reach out, hold his hand, tell him it was alright, but Henry had made it clear that he didn’t want it. Instead, Hans gently wrestled the Pebbles’ reins out of Henry’s hands and led the horse to the door of Henry’s room.
Henry shook his head, trying to disperse the delirium that followed each one of his repeated pains. He breathed in, a familiar smell of old wood, dirt, and herbs filling his nostrils.
The smell of his little home.
Hans stood next to Pebbles, patiently waiting for Henry. Hans didn’t hurry him, judge him, or seem to hate him in that moment like Henry thought he deserved. Just a silent pillar for Henry to lean on.
Henry swung his right leg over Pebbles, trying his best not to reawaken his injuries, so far successfully, but as he jumped onto the dirty ground, his legs gave out.
Hans was there. The noble caught the blacksmith before he could fall, leaning down to make Henry’s body land on his back instead.
“Not very befitting of a nobleman.”
“Don’t get too used to it, peasant! Now go and sit on your bed before you bleed out onto my clean armor.”
Henry coughed out and pressed his hand against the door frame, slowly raising his body - “Armor’s supposed to get dirty, you know.”
“Not from the blood of a friend.”
Henry flinched at the reminder. Hans still considered him a friend.
After how harshly he spoke to him the last time. After he found out about Henry’s true nature. Hans didn’t condemn him.
Henry’s worst fear, of everyone leaving him if they knew him, truly knew him, was proven wrong, yet again.
His mind couldn’t hold out much longer, finally relaxing and giving him a break, despite the mission not being done.
Hans caught Henry again, preventing the blacksmith from collapsing onto the floor. The noble wrapped his arms around the unconscious boy’s shoulders, trying his best to keep him upright, and slowly stepped towards the bed, dragging Henry’s feet against the ground.
After a few seconds, Hans loosened his grasp, gently lowering Henry onto the bed. Worry overtook him as he saw that Henry’s eyes weren’t opening anymore. His breathing was coarse, gasping for air every few seconds like his body couldn’t handle more than the bare minimum.
Maybe it couldn’t, Hans had to check, but as he reached his hand towards the bottom of Henry’s dirty tunic to take it off, the door swung open.
Radzig stepped through the doorway in a hurry while Hanush stood in place outside, refusing to enter the peasant's room.
“Can’t we have this meeting in an actual room, Radzig? Not whatever this shed is supposed to be?”
Hans opened his mouth, wanting to yell at his uncle for speaking like this about Henry’s room, but his tongue froze; once again, he was useless. Luckily, Radzig wasn’t in the mood for Hanush’s antics.
“Just get in here, Hanush.” - he then turned back to Henry, who was coming around at the sudden noises - “Henry, can you hear me?”
“...Father?”
The room froze.
Hans felt like time slowed down at the muttered word. The tone wasn’t just a statement or an accusation; it was a question, and Radzig’s face showed the answer, clear as day.
“Holy shit.”
Henry was Radzig’s son? How could Hans not have known after all this time? Did Henry know? Did Radzig know that Henry knew? Clearly not, since he’s just as shocked as the two lords of Leipa in the room. This explained why Radzig was so lenient with Henry. What did this mean for Hans and Henry, though? If Henry had noble blood, then he wasn’t obligated to be Hans’s friend anymore…
A loud laughter snapped Hans out of his thoughts as Hanush slapped his big hand against Radzig’s back - “I told you he had your balls!”
Radzig huffed, finally coming to terms with reality and finally looked into Henry’s deep blue eyes, reflecting his own - “I see that you haven’t been idle and we’ll certainly need to have a talk later, but” - he looked back at Hans, then Hanush - “not quite so publicly”
Henry followed Radzig’s head with his eyes, barely grasping his father’s words and slightly nodding. He tried to sit upright on the bed at least, but the pain in his ribs didn’t let his body move like he wanted it to.
“It looks like you have plenty to tell us… What happened?”
“I got a bit… tied up at Vranik, but now I know what they’re planning.”
Hans looked at Henry’s wrists as he said that, realizing he was being a smartass about being tied up, though it wasn’t very funny at the moment.
“Who’s planning what? SPIT IT OUT, BOY!”
“Give him time, Uncle! He’s clearly injured.”
“You shut up and be glad we even allow you to listen in on this!”
Hans was about to argue back, but Henry interrupted them. The blacksmith looked like he was barely conscious again, not even hearing the guardian and his nephew start arguing over him.
“It’s that bastard noble you were hosting on the day of the raid!” - Henry’s voice was raspy, sounding like he barely held back most things he wanted to say about the man.
“Sir Istvan Toth?”
“And his people, they were the ones making counterfeit money and hiring mercenaries with it…” - Henry pushed himself hard, finally managing to stand up and properly look the nobles in the eyes - “His army, Sir… It was already huge; I think it would outscale Rattay’s and Talmberg’s forces together.”
“But what is he after?”
Henry hesitated, trying to think back to the memories that Hans could tell were unsavory, to say the least.
“He admitted a lot while tort… talking. He admitted everything, I’m not surprised.”
“Why not?”
“He didn’t need to keep it a secret any longer, I suppose. He’s in Sigissmund’s service and was tasked with destroying Wenceslas’s allies, which means everyone in this region…”
“That fucking cunt! I’ll skin him alive!”
Radzig pointed his palm at Hanush, signaling to his friend to stay calm for now, and turned back to Henry - “How many men has he got?”
“More than a hundred.”
“And how secure is their camp?”
“It’s an old abandoned fortress on a hill above Sasau. It’s inaccessible from three sides, surrounded by a timber palisade.”
“It seems Toth isn’t taking any chances.”
“Together with Divish, we can muster enough men. That bastard wants a battle, so we’ll bring it to him at the time and place that we want!”
“Undoubtedly. We have to take them by surprise. It would be best to attack tomorrow night. We can’t get ready any sooner.”
Hanush laughed, slapping his hand against Radzig’s back again - “That’s what I like to hear, my friend. Henry here will get fixed up and ride to Talmberg as soon as possible!”
Radzig nodded.
Hans’s internal storm finally broke the edges. Could neither of the two see just how badly Henry was hurt? Did they not pick up on the fact that Henry barely escaped from being tortured to death!?
“Are you serious, Uncle!? Look at him!”
“Shut up, boy, no one asked you!”
“I don’t care! He’s clearly been tortured and barely came back alive, but you want to send him on another one of your errands!? Don’t you have plenty of servants for that!? Or is he just that expendable to you two!”
“Watch your tone towards Radzig, Hans! Henry is his, and he will do as his lord commands!”
“He’s not a fucking barn animal, for fucks sake. Why are you on his side, Sir Radzig!?”
Henry stared in shock as Hans defended him, even arguing back to Hanush with no signs of backing down. He tried to open his mouth while the Nobles’ backs were turned towards him, but Hans shot him a look that yelled to just shut up and let himself be guarded.
“He just found out he was your son, through no savory means, may I remind you, but you brushed him off on something so important!?”
Radzig’s jaw opened, but no words were left; he knew Hans was right about everything. Hanush didn’t back off, though.
“It’s called duty, Hans! Something you clearly haven’t learned enough about between your boozing and whoring. If you want your precious squire to stay comfortable in his bed while the real men do our jobs, then you will stay with him and care for him like a worried housewife!”
Hanush’s tone was getting louder and more absurd by the minute, complementary to Hans’s face, which grew redder and redder with more anger. His golden hair and flushed face perfectly matched his outfit. Henry chuckled at the sight, not loud enough for anyone but Radzig to hear between the yelling. His… father turned back and gave him a sheepish grin. He went in to place his hand on Henry’s shoulder, but the blacksmith’s face instantly lost its smile, backing his body up with widened eyes.
Radzig also lost his smile, flinching his hand backwards and bringing it back towards his chest.
“Stop arguing, both of you. Henry will stay here and recover, and Lord Hans will stay with him to make sure he doesn’t run off and do something stupid.”
Hans planned to argue back, but thinking about the command, it wasn’t so bad if Henry could get some rest.
“Your insolence will be your doom one day, nephew.” - Hanush opened the door with more force than necessary - “Let’s go, Radzig.”
“Aye, there’s no time.” - he turned towards Henry one last time after standing up -” We’ll speak more after it’s over, Henry.”
With that, the door was closed, leaving Henry and Hans alone in the stuffiness of the room. Silence stretched between them. Hans stood awkwardly in the corner, still breathing hard. He still couldn’t believe he finally argued against Hanush without being scared off…
“Thank you, Hans.”
“Huh?”
“For everything.”
“I just said what was obvious, figured I owed you a favor or two anyway.”
“Not just that…” - Henry breathed out with a shaky breath - “Thank you for not hating me.”
“Oh…”
Hans wanted to say so many things, do even more, but the door opened without a knock, and a crude priest rudely walked in without losing momentum.
“I was summoned to treat some peasant’s injuries.” - He looked over at Henry, who barely held himself sitting on the bed, making it obvious that he was the one in need of assistance.
…
“That damned peasant, making me wait outside while he gets treated!”
Hans sat on the stairs leading into Lower Pirkstein, repeatedly tapping his right hand on his knees while resting his jaw on his left. The yard of Pirkstein was dark, save for weak candlelight pouring out of Henry’s window. Silence stretched across the distance, yet Hans’s thoughts were loud as ever. He hadn’t truly thought about why Henry was so angry back then, when Hans found out about his… attractions. It wasn’t anger that led the harsh words out of Henry’s mouth; it was fear, trying to make him defend himself before anything even happened, preparing his poor heart for the worst.
Hans couldn’t blame Henry for expecting much worse of a reaction from him. Even he didn’t know why he cared so little about what was considered one of the graver sins. Hans may have disliked the church, but common sense should still have guided him there…
Common sense, yeah, right. The only thing that seems to be common between everyone is hate and fear for things that don’t deserve it, judgment and condemnation for those who just want to be themselves.
He was in a similar boat after all.
A loud groan came out of Henry’s room, undoubtedly caused by one of his many injuries. The priest was still morbidly quiet in there, just like when he treated Hans, as if death were inevitable for them.
Hans’s heart skipped a beat.
If Henry died here, now, after everything that’s happened… after everything that hasn’t happened, how would Hans feel? He and Theresa had become his first true friends without even realizing it, the only people who saw through his stuck-up facade and treated him like a regular human.
Selfishly, as always, he didn’t want to be alone anymore.
Hans stood up with a groan and walked up the stairs he had been sitting on. Undoubtedly, Henry would be starving, and some alcohol wouldn’t do him bad either. He walked into his room and opened the closet. A smell of perfume, pricey soaps, and freshly washed clothes filled his nostrils.
One part of noble luxuries he would never grow bored with.
That and maybe having Henry in his service again.
…

Henry was lost in thought as the priest quietly inspected his body.
He had forgotten his purpose, his goals, determination, the reason he had given himself to live.
His promise to never run away again.
To slaughter everyone responsible for Skalitz.
The bald general, Markvalt Von Aulitz, who slaughtered his parents.
The Hungarian bastard Istvan Toth, who caused the downfall of Skalitz.
HIs… Pet, Erik, that swung at him without mercy.
Sigismund…
The priest poured something over the hole under Henry’s ribs. The liquid quickly sank into the flesh, getting absorbed into his body and easing the pain. The priest then placed his hand over Henry’s chest, carefully bringing it down to feel for more injuries.
“Jesus Christ, son, you’re lucky to have made it back in one piece.”
“Aye…”
The priest quickly reached into his bag, bringing out an unmarked bottle with clear liquid inside.
“What is that?”
“It’s a Lazarus potion. With a little help from god, it will bring a dead man back to his feet.”
“I see…”
Henry took the bottle, carefully observing it before downing it in one go. He may not have been an expert physician, but even he could tell his insides were fucked to say the least.
By the time he put down the bottle, the priest was already stepping out of the door, but before he closed it, Hans slammed his foot onto it with more force than necessary, keeping it open.
Henry looked over with a confused gaze as Hans walked in, holding a sizable barrel in one hand and a sack filled with food in the other, making Henry’s mouth water at the sheer concept. It was when he realized it had been a few days since he had eaten.
Hans walked in with a cheeky smile, but his face dropped for a second when he saw Henry’s injury on his torso, the darkened flash smiling back at him…
He immediately averted his eyes and walked to the table, setting the food down while trying his best not to wretch from the horrific sight of his friend. When he turned back, Henry had already thrown the dirty tunic back over his body.
“You’re going to wear that dirty thing in bed? It doesn’t even fit you properly.”
“Well, Zbyshek gave it to me.”
“That scrawny guy that Theresa….”
“Aye.”
“I see. I sent a guard to take care of the body. Don’t worry, you guys won’t get in trouble under my protection.”
“Wait, what? Hans, you didn’t have to. I would have…”
“Gone out there after being tortured and bury the body? Maybe follow him into the grave as well.”
“I could’ve figured something out.”
“Well, you didn’t have to, so shut up and take the help, blacksmith’s boy.”
“... It’s been a while since you called me that.”
“It’s been a while since we’ve properly talked too… How are your injuries?”
Hans poured the wine into the two dusty cups on Henry’s desk and unveiled the various meats and breads he had brought with him, bringing a piece of bacon with him and sitting down on the side of Henry’s bed.
“I’ll be fine, just a few days rest…”
Hans handed Henry the cup of wine, watching him drink it in one go.
“What happened in that damned camp?”
“I don’t… I just want to forget it, Hans, please.”
“Then let’s forget together.”
Hans poured wine back into Henry’s cups, staring a bit too hard as Henry’s throat bobbed with the liquid… Henry opened his eyes mid gulp, meeting Hans’s.
Henry finally let go of the cup, feeling the heat of alcohol settle into his bones. Definitely just alcohol.
“Listen, I’m sorry for everything I said that day…”
“You don’t have to apologize, Henry.”
“I do… I was pissed after the tournament and it just made my fear worse. I shouldn’t have said anything…”
“I’d rather you be honest with me than hide things, Hal. Also, I’m proud of you for winning it back then, though I didn’t get the chance to say it.”
“But…”
As Henry opened his mouth to ramble on again, Hans shoved a long piece of bacon between his teeth, startling him. A hearty chuckle escaped the noble’s lips - “Agonizing on an empty stomach doesn’t suit you, Hal.”
Henry instinctively bit down on the meat, savoring its rich texture before chewing and rushing in a hurry, his body fully feeling the hunger he had tried to repress. He took another bite at the bacon held close to him by Hans’s fingers, nearly grazing him with his teeth.
“Jesus Christ, you’re like a hound, don’t bite my fingers off.”
“I can’t promise anything if you don’t get me more.”
“Right away, your lordship.”
Hans quickly came back with a sausage roll in hand, holding it in front of Henry again, even though the Blacksmith could’ve done it himself. Henry didn’t hesitate, immediately biting down on it.
“I guess your lordship isn’t a joke anymore. Who could’ve guessed you had noble blood in you this whole time?”
Henry closed his eyes while swallowing the meat, trying to gather his thoughts about the topic he hadn’t had a proper opportunity to think through yet.
“Apparently, everyone but me had guessed back in Skalitz, or knew…”
“That seems unlikely.”
“Why?”
“Think about it, why would they hide it? Your mother…”
“I don’t want to accuse anyone of anything yet, Hans. Like Lord Radzig said, he will tell me at a better time.”
“Buuut?”
“It pisses me off, they told that Hungarian cunt before they told me!?”
“That’s all? I’d be more pissed that he hadn’t told you after everything that happened.”
“I guess, I don’t know, I could tell it wasn’t easy for him either and not just because he wanted to avoid responsibility…”
Hans poured another cup for Henry and drank along with him, taking the moment to calm their thoughts. Henry took another bite from the sausage, startling Hans, who had nearly forgotten he was holding the damned thing.
“You look like you haven’t eaten a proper meal in weeks.”
“I haven’t. The monastery barely put anything in our portions.”
“Ah, yes, the great monk Henry of Skalitz! How could I almost forget! How was the holy life?”
“Suffocating, you’d fit right in.”
“That’s so hurtful, dear Henry, then who would entertain the town’s wenches?”
“You didn’t entertain them much the last time we tried.” - Hans spotted the sheepish grin on Henry that he had missed so much - “What was her name? Karollinaaa.”
Henry stretched out the word in the same way Hans did while speaking about the butcher’s daughter dreamily. Hans snorted from the dishonor and lightly flicked Henry’s forehead.
“Oh yeah? And what about that bite mark on your ear, hmm? I don’t think torture usually results in that.”
“That’s… It doesn’t…”
“Are you gonna tell me or leave me alone in my embarrassment?”
“Unlike you, I was quite successful.”
“Unbelievable, you run out of my sight for three weeks and jump at the first man you see!? Life of adventure really suits you.”
“It wasn’t like that… Kind of was? It was weird.”
“Oh? Enlighten your lord?”
“I’d rather not, my lord.”
Hans quickly drank another cup, drowning his ugly emotions under the alcohol - “Was it that smug novice you kept whispering to at mass?”
“YOU! I can’t believe you and Theresa actually came.”
“I would’ve called out for you, but you looked quite… happy.”
“It might have been him. He’s gone now, so it doesn’t matter.”
“Hmm.”
Hans stared as Henry took another bite from the sausage in his hand, staring with mysterious intent, trying to take control of his thoughts in some logical way.
A cold feeling washed over him.
Whatever this was between them, it had to end, or he had to draw a line somewhere before it spiraled out of control.
Henry swallowed hard and immediately went back for another bite, nearly biting Hans’s fingers off again as the noble let go of the meat, letting Henry take it entirely.
Hans would set a line… after today.
“What have you been up to, Hans?”
“Huh?”
“I don’t want to just talk about my gloomy month. Has anything happened on your end?”
“I suppose not much. I’ve just been studying and practicing my swordsmanship. I’ve been looking for a way to be useful without Hanush telling me off, but so far I can’t come up with anything.”
“Why?”
“Whenever it’s determined that I’m grown up… I’m afraid the people won’t back me because of my reputation.”
“But you’re a good person.”
“They don’t think so.”
Henry’s mind finally connected some dots.
Hans felt the same way in Rattay as he did in Skalitz.
Like everyone disliked him, always watching from afar for any mistakes…
“We can figure it out when it’s time, I’m sure. I’ll stand by you, Hans.”
“You'd better be, my dear squire, I have a feeling I’ll be needing your assistance sooner than you expect.”
“I think you’ve already grown a lot since we met, or maybe you’ve just become more tolerable.”
An exaggerated gasp left Hans - “How dare you, you dirty peasant!”
“Half-peasant.”
“Riiiight. Do you want me to call you “Sir?”
“Not really, I wouldn’t even be able to recognize it as my title.”
Hans leaned over to the desk, grabbing another piece of meat and bread.
“You look starved, Hal. You’re going to lose all your strength if you keep going hungry this much.”
“Why does that matter? I’ve eaten enough to stay awake.”
Despite his protest, Henry immediately bit into the bread provided by Hans, savoring the smell of fresh bread, unknown to Henry how Hans managed to get one in the middle of the night.
“A balanced diet is the key to greatness, Hal. A stomach filled with nutritious food will keep the chaos in your head at bay.”
“I suppose… that makes sense.”
Another bite and the bread was entirely gone from Hans’s grasp. He looked in shock as Henry stuffed the whole piece into his mouth at once, barely able to chew it. After a couple of seconds, choking sounds filled the room as Hans handed him a cup of wine with a laugh.
Henry’s mouth was still stuffed as he soaked the bread, making it easier to chew. When he finally looked through his teary eyes again, Hans was staring at him with his unreadable expression.
“Is something wrong?”
“Nothing… I just missed you, is all.”
“I missed you too…”

…
“I’m telling you, they were drinking and gambling in the basement!”
“Unbelievable, some priests we’ve got.”
“Tell me about it, every time I was a second late to my next chore, they’d be on my arse about it while they’d waste away their days down there.”
“Somehow I’ve lost more respect for the church, you really are a demon, Hal.”
“That’s a crude way to put it…”
Henry sighed as an unsavory memory passed through his drunken mind. A novice who was fighting against his true nature and staying steady on the righteous path that Henry was too weak to take.
“Hear this, Henry, when we left the monastery, Theresa was acting all weird. I wonder if something happened with that other friend of yours.”
“Johanka?”
“Aye, her. She was yet another one who talked with zero respect for nobles. All you Skalitz folk are insane.”
“You don’t seem to mind it.”
“Aye, I don’t…”

…
The sun had long set, yet when Hans had gotten up to leave and let Henry get some rest, the blacksmith grabbed onto the hem of his pourpoint. Hans didn’t need words because his friend’s body spoke enough for him, and his heart listened.
“You’ll be the death of me, blacksmith’s boy.”
“Aye, I’m a demon after all….”
Hans squinted his eyes. Through the hazy blur of drunkenness, there was something, wetness, between Henry’s eyes, slowly rolling down his cheeks. Hans leaned closer on the bed to wipe at Henry’s face without realizing, but his friend pulled his head away on instinct, still spooked by touch.
“Henry… Hal, I don’t know what happened in Vranyk, and you don’t have to tell me, but…” - Hans reached for Henry’s hand, slowly, carefully entangling his fingers with his, as if not to spook a prey animal. Henry sniffled and looked away, unable to look Hans in the eyes in such a state.
Hans carefully traced the lines down Henry’s palm. It tickled, a little bit, a chuckle involuntarily escaping Henry’s drunk mouth. Hans huffed his laugh before continuing his tracing more carefully.
“Hmm, a long lifeline” - he pointed at a long edge running down Henry’s hand - “It means you’ll live for a long time. And this one” - He ran his finger along the line above the previous one - “means you have a kind heart.”
Henry tried his best to focus on and comprehend the hand holding his own, but Hans had somehow managed to cut through his drunken hearing.
“Hmm, that’s funny.”
“What is it?”
“I don’t see any.”
“What?”
“Demon lines, not a single one.”
Henry’s eyes widened as he took in what Hans was saying, unshed tears finally pouring out of him after everything that had happened in the last few days, even alcohol unable to hold out the memories of the torture, everything Istvan had said, every doubt planted in him. Hans let go of Henry’s hand, bringing it towards Henry’s head, missing it at first from his slurred vision before finally placing it on Henry’s hair and gently ruffling it…
Like one would a mutt…
Hans felt an involuntary twitch, choking against the tightness of his braies.
Unbelievable.
Of all the times for his body to respond to his conflicted emotions, now was the worst time, his hand on Henry as his friend grieved, and yet, as Hans cast his eyes downwards in shame, a sight of similar distress was beaming from his friend.
“Henry, you’re… let me help you out.”
“What?”
Hans cast the hand that wasn’t resting on Henry’s head downwards, carefully pulling at Henry’s dirtied braies. From inside, a stench of sweat and blood rushed out, filling their nostrils, yet in this drunken state, Hans felt as if he had never smelled anything sweeter. Hans pulled the braies downward, nearly freeing the cock until its owner grasped his hand with his own.
“Hans, wait, you don’t have to…”
“I’m just helping a friend out, tell me to stop and I will.”
Henry’s jaw fell open as Hans cast his eyes downward again, finally pulling Henry’s braies away from his hips, down to his ankles. Smooth fingers reached for the exposed cock, carefully embracing it and freezing still.
Hans’s mind almost came to its senses, almost, but then he realized he simply didn’t know how to go on from here. His hand had been his most faithful companion on lonely nights, yet when it came to someone else, it felt like it had suddenly lost its years of “experience.”
Henry leaned forward as his member was grasped by Hans, pressing his palms onto Hans’s shoulders for stability. His eyes cast downward, he couldn’t help but look at his holder’s braies, the rising tent obvious even in his tired and drunken vision. He let go of Hans’s shoulders with one hand, tracing the fingers down his body before resting at the braies.
“Henry…”
“I want to help you as well… my lord.”
Hans huffed a laugh and carefully pulled at the strands of his hose with the hand that wasn’t holding Henry. He felt Henry’s hand join in, fighting against the restraints that kept Hans hidden away from the world, from him…
At last, Hans’s braies and hose came down to his knees in one motion, his hardened cock illuminated by the flickering candlelight, yet to be coaxed into full hardness. Instead of sitting sideways on the bed, Hans rose, momentarily letting go of Henry as he placed one of his knees on the outside of Henry’s hips, straddling him.
He wanted to, gods, he wanted to lean in closer, whisper sweet promises into Henry’s mouth, but despite his state, he knew that was a line he couldn’t cross, not now, not ever.
Henry looked in shock at something he had wished he could see since the day he met the golden boy, a long cock, longer than his, sat just an inch away from his own cock’s head, the blond pubes were carefully trimmed, framing the nobility of the “tree” with its short length and form.
He stared confused, first at the two cocks too close to each other, then up at Hans, whose face was just as close to his, doubt visible in his sky blue eyes. If this drunken state was the only way for Henry’s dreams to be fulfilled, he wanted to give Hans what he wanted, not pushing the already brave noble into something undesired…
Hans looked into Henry’s eyes, reason and emotions grappling in his mind, but Henry looked back. They stared into each other’s souls for a second until Henry gave a shy smile, nodding with meaning.
“Anything you wish for, my lord.”
What did Hans wish for? Even he didn’t know, just letting his hand guide his body. He buckled his knees forward, bringing his hips even closer to Henry’s. His right hand pulled at his pizzle, coaxing it to full erection, meanwhile his left went to Henry’s, carefully stroking the unwashed cock with precision, trying to determine what would have felt good for him.
A quiet groan escaped Henry as Hans twisted his hand at the base and slowly brought it up along Henry’s cock. The squire tried to reach his hand for Hans’s, but the noble softly pushed it away.
“No touching for you, peasant.”
“But Haaans…”
“Just enjoy it, that’s a command.”
Henry leaned his upper body backwards, his hands resting behind his arse and holding him up as he looked at the ceiling. Hans chuckled at the obedience, enjoying the sight of Henry with his head back, his hair that needed cutting again, messily sticking to his sweaty forehead and his spiky ears twitching in a rhythm.
“Good boy.”
Henry’s torso stirred under the tunic at the words, the warm feeling in his guts coming too close to the physical hole right in there next to it. It was exhilarating as he let the drunkenness numb his mind to the pleasure.
Hans carefully observed Henry’s reactions as he moved his hand, how he would stop breathing as his fingers approached the base of the cock, or how quiet groans escaped his otherwise silent throat every time Hans twisted his fingers near the head.
His right hand fastened on himself without realizing, matching the pace with the hand on Henry’s. As Hans realized that he was close to finishing, he felt a shiver run down through Henry to the head of his cock, indicating a finale of his own until, cruelly, Hans let go of them both.
Henry brought his head forward, the sudden feeling of cold air snapping him out of his delirious state, but he saw Hans instead shifting on the spot, crawling forward with his hips, then the noble’s hands reach forward towards Henry, holding onto his arse to bring the blacksmith’s hips forward as well until their cocks were hugging each other.
Hans chuckled, proudly, at the sight.
“I knew mine would be longer.”
Henry finally looked down at the sight straight out of his dreams that he had been avoiding. His cock sat right against Hans’s, the head falling just a little short of the noble’s. He brought his gaze a little below, to the sight of their balls stuck to each other, the dark and light pubes nearly entangled within one another.
It was the first cock Henry had seen, one that he could remember at least. Pavel didn’t show off his own in the monastery.
“Magnificent like always, sir…”
Hans huffed a laugh, lightly flicking Henry’s forehead. He brought a hand to his mouth, pouring out as much spit as he could afford before bringing it closer to the united pizzles. A groan escaped them both as the liquid ran down between their heads, easing the friction. Hans brought both of his hands downward, slowly, carefully, wrapping them around the cocks and slowly stroking them downwards. Henry groaned, buckling his hips upwards even though Hans’s thighs held him down against the bed. The noble smiled at the desperate rutting, lowering his head slightly and continuing his movements. His golden hair was just centimeters away from Henry’s face, and the squire wanted nothing more than to plant his nose into it, inhale the scent of his friend, and lean into the softness for all eternity.
Yet, somehow, that was a line he couldn’t cross, despite what was going on just below, chasing the pleasures of the flesh, he knew this kind of intimacy would never happen between him and Hans.
If nothing else, even if he didn't remember it the next morning, the feeling of Hans handling their “grief and melancholy” together was something his body would forever remember.
Henry felt the shivers of near orgasm run down his spine again. Hans felt it as well, his fingers vibrating with excitement as he approached his near finish. He pulled the fingers back up, pressing gently into the veins of their cocks, stimulating the nerves. He pulled his fingers downwards, peeling back the skin on the heads as they kissed each other, his fingers pressing carefully onto their entangled balls, applying just the right amount of pressure to pleasure. He repeated the movements, and as more seconds passed, he heard Henry’s breathing grow rapidly, his rough and bloodied hips trying desperately to rut against Hans’s gentle thighs.
With a final groan, Henry came undone, shooting ropes of liquid up into the air before gravity brought it down onto the cocks still pressed tightly together and Hans’s hands, no sign of slowing down as he squeezed every last drop out of Henry. As the cum mixed into his fingers, the movement became slicker, finally his cock giving out and pulsing hard, shooting onto Henry’s tunic.
Hans finally let go of their united pizzles, slowly bringing his dirtied hands back to his sides. He looked at Henry, who was still holding his head backwards, eyes closed, breathing fast and heavy.
“Henry… are you…”
Before he could finish his sentence, Henry’s arms gave out, finally collapsing onto his back on the bed. Hans hurriedly leaned forward, resting his hand on Henry’s chest as he brought his face closer to his squire’s.
Breathing, good.
“You damned peasant, finished after one round. Your lord is disappointed.”
Hans’s head buzzed with pleasure, slowly comprehending his entire body. His cockhead was still slowly dripping. His knees were still around Henry’s hips; he didn’t even know how he knew to position there for what he wanted, but his body was pure instinct at the moment. He pulled his braies up to his waist, covering the shame below it, and carefully brought his left leg back around to the edge of the bed without waking Henry.
“I’m so fucked…”
Hans pulled his hose up, tucking them into the braies without bothering to lace them. He threw a blanket over Henry’s body, covered in various liquids that at this point even a bathhouse probably couldn’t wash out properly. He picked up the casket of wine on the desk and drank whatever was left in there to completion and stepped into the cold night before his brain could start thinking properly again.

Notes:

I hope you enjoyed the chapter. Writing smut still felt just as embarrassing as the first time, but what can I do. The dillema of just wanting to write smut but also wanting to write a compelling story is rough, Henry probably wont get any more action for a while so strap in for some plot and mostly angst for about 6-7 chapters? maybe more ˶ᵔ ᵕ ᵔ˶

as always, thank you to everyone for reading, leaving kudos, commenting, or just lurking. I appreciate every one of you •⩊•

Chapter 16: Conflicted

Summary:

The aftermath of last night's encounter wasn't as smooth as Hans's previous conquers. Neither is their future.

Notes:

A small chapter as a follow-up after the smut and set-up for the finale of the KCD1 part of this fic (• ε •)

Galehaut once said to Lancelot.
“I have given up all that I am for you. It is no shame to die for such love.”
Hans burned in his room, rotating on his bed like a hare being smoked. The clarity, memories, regret, guilt, excitement, happiness, elation, everything was overwhelming his brain.
He had just done the unthinkable and didn’t know how to feel about it.
Something he refused to acknowledge until now.
Something that would be his ruin, that would lose him everything.
His name, his birthright, his status, his friend…
Henry, poor Henry, who had just been tortured near death.
Henry, who had not had a proper rest in more than a month, fact that Hans was largely responsible for.
What was he thinking?
Was he even thinking?
Just for a quick wank, his life would be ruined now.
No, don’t overanalyze it; maybe Henry won’t mind, won’t mention it to anyone, and maybe their friendship could just stay as it was.
Hans rolled off his bed, landing on the cold wooden floor with a thud.
He had to end this before it went out of hand, before his reputation was dragged through the mud, before Henry swung from the gallows…
For Henry.

 

“Galehaut loved him more than anything in the world, more than himself, and would rather see himself die than see Lancelot harmed.”

 

Henry lay flat on a shoddy bed in Talmberg, staring at the dark ceiling of the room provided to him by Sir Divish, trying to comprehend everything that had happened that day.
The slaughter, the horror, the hatred of it all was still fresh on his naive heart that now longed for revenge, craved for the blood of justice.
Darkness that Henry had never acknowledged within himself until Sigismund’s army laid waste to the entire Skalitz.
Why hadn’t he shed a single tear through it all? Why had he run like a coward in the face of the enemy? Why did he have to watch his parents get mercilessly cut down…
Why didn’t he join them?
The wound in his lower leg still stung, a crude reminder of his cowardice as the Cumans chased him down on the road to Talmber, cutting down anyone they ran past while staying on Henry’s trail.
His favorite green clothes, now dirtied and tattered, stuck against his sweaty skin, his red scarf, a gift from his Ma, now wrapped tightly around Henry’s throat, making the boy wish it would just choke him to death that night.
He was always a lonely person, yet that night he’d felt the worst he had ever felt. Finally, misty tears welled in his eyes, bringing some feeling of normalcy to the one who had lost everything…

A sudden knock snapped Henry out of his spiral, not giving him a chance to grieve. He quickly wiped at his eyes and sat up on the straw bed.
“Yes?”
The door slowly opened, darkness creeping in from the hallway until a woman, Lady Stephanie of Talmberg, slipped out of the shadows, holding a bowl of gruel in one hand, a tankard of booze in the other, and two cups between her armpits.
“It is I, Henry. Forgive the intrusion, I didn’t wake you, boy, did I?”
“My lady, ehn… umm…” - He tried to stand up, but his weak leg gave out, immediately dropping him down onto the bed - “Not at all. What brings you here at this hour?”

“I thought you could do with a little wine,” - she set the cups on the desk and brought the tankard closer to Henry’s face so the young man could make it out in the candlelight - “It’s just what you need to help you sleep.”
She spoke with a calming voice that reminded Henry of his Ma.
It made his stomach twist.
“Thank you, my lady… You shouldn’t have. You could have sent a servant.”
She handed Henry one of the cups filled to the brim with wine, and as he took it, her fingers lingered for a second too long, making an uncomfortable shiver run up Henry’s tired spine.
“I was going to, but to tell you the truth, I couldn’t sleep either. I thought of you while saying my prayers. How awful it must have been for you. I came to offer you solace, to let you know you’re not alone…”
What would she know about what he’s going through?
“Thank you kindly…”
“You’re very welcome, Henry. I know this is all very new and strange for you.”
Which part, locked up in a stranger's castle, or having just survived a senseless massacre?
“But I want you to feel at home here. You’re not to worry about anything but getting better.”
A guttural scream echoed in Henry’s mind, but no matter how his real self screamed inside, it couldn’t come out, not now, not with her.
“God knows you’ve been through a terrible ordeal.”
…
“I know what it is like to be left alone in the world, but with god’s help, the pain will ease with time. And it can help to talk about it, if you feel like it.”
“I…”
Why didn’t god stop the raid?
“I can’t.”
Why didn’t god save his parents?
“I don’t…”
Stephanie leaned forward and gently touched Henry’s hand, grabbing his fingers with her own, in a comforting gesture.
It felt revolting.
Why didn’t god let him die instead of letting him run like a coward!?
“I don’t need to speak about it, my lady, I’m fine.”
A lie that was clear as day, but as Stephanie was about to call him out on it, Henry pulled his hand away from hers, rougher than necessary, breaking whatever charm she was trying to place on him.
“I understand, Henry. If you need a shoulder to lean on, I will be in the castle.”
She left without looking back. Her intentions were unclear to poor Henry at the time, but reliving it in this dream, he knew what it felt like.
He felt the same shiver as Istvan ran his hands down Henry’s back…
Demons…
Just like him.

 

“Wake up, Henry, it’s past sunrise.”
Henry heard the windows of his humble room open before sunlight shone through the shed straight into his exhausted eyes.
“Aahh, whyyy.”
Another voice spoke up as Henry put his hands up in front of his eyes to guard himself from the sun.
“You’ve been asleep for half a day now, you buffoon, you need some medicine and food to heal.”
“Ughh, my head, just let me die in peace.”
Henry shuffled on his bed, trying to bury himself in the uncomfortable bed, but a wet, awkward sensation crawled up his sweaty neck, followed by panting.
“Mutt! Get off him!”
Henry finally raised his head, trying not to evoke a sharp sting of a hangover with sudden movement. Theresa stood within his vision, pouring something into a cup. Besides her, Mutt sat obediently, eyeing a bowl that sat on the table with malicious intent. Henry squinted his eyes, looking beyond Theresa at a green blur in the corner of the room.
“I’m sorry, I didn’t see you, sir.”
“Oh no! Theresa! He’s speaking to me like he’s supposed to, he’s lost his mind!”
“Calm down, Hans, he probably can’t see properly yet.”
“Oh shit, Hans.”
Henry’s brain shook from pain, as if trying to remember something important, but it came up empty. The last thing he could remember was Hans bringing him wine and food…
“Henry…”
Hans’s voice was unusually soft, laced with worry that didn’t escape Henry’s attention.
“How are you so chipper, sir? I don’t remember shit from last night.”
“You… You don’t?”
“Uhhh, not after you brought me some food and wine.”
“Oh…”
Theresa brought a cup to Henry’s face, and he immediately took hold of it. It smelled sour, slightly like schnapps, but there was clearly something mixed in it, yet he took it without a question.
The taste was bitter, yet his parched body soaked it up without retort. As he put down the cup, he noticed that Hans was looking at him with a dumbfounded face, lost in thought.
It felt… Awkward.
“Why are you out of your usual bright attire?”
“A certain peasant spilled on it in his… delirious state.”
“I spilled wine on it? Shit, I’m sorry, Hans, I’ll pay for it if it’s…”
“Sure… Wine… Don’t worry your little head over it, Henry, not like you could afford to replace it anyway.”
Hans’s face was flushed red, maybe from the hangover? Henry wouldn’t know. Instead, he turned to Theresa, who was silently setting food on a plate for Henry.
“Tess, are you alright?”
“Well enough, I’m more worried about you, you fool.”
“Aye, so I’ve been called.”
Theresa chuckled and handed him the plate, filled with cut vegetables and smoked meat. Henry took it absentmindedly and set it down on his blanket-covered lap. That’s when he realized he didn’t have his tunic on, his ugly wound on display for his friends to see. Instinct took over reason as his arms flung around his waist in an attempt to cover the scar, making the plate on his lap nearly topple over.
“Careful! What’s wrong, Hal?”
“My tunic…”
Hans stood behind Theresa, glaring down at him with a mischievous grin.
“Oh, I burnt it.”
“Why?”
“It was dirty and belonged to a bandit, why wouldn’t I?”
“Just get me another one from the closet… Please.”
“Since you asked so nicely, young lordship.”
Theresa blinked, confused - “Lordship?”
“You haven’t heard, have you, Theresa? Our dear Henry here is Sir Radzig Kobyla’s son.”
“What!?” - She turned his head back at Henry - “Hal? Why didn’t you tell me?”
“I was going to… eventually. I had to be sure, and we were a bit “preoccupied” in our last meeting… How are you feeling, by the way?”
“Like I said, well enough… Nothing really. He wasn’t the first I had killed, I hope he won’t be the last either.”
“Tess…”
“I said I’m fine, Hal.”
Mutt whined below her and rubbed his body against her, a motion Henry recognized from the dog, one that he would use to snap Henry out of his internal spirals. As guilty as Henry felt for not being able to help Theresa more, he physically couldn’t keep up with the questions anymore.
Hans finally stopped observing Henry’s sorrowful closet and took out a plain dark tunic. He was going to hand it to Henry, but when he saw the squire still holding onto his sides in an attempt to cover them, he instead put Henry’s head through the shirt’s top hole and turned around, letting Henry pull his arms through it in peace.
“Thank you, Sir Hans.”
“Right…”
“Hate to interrupt you two lovebirds, but I need to send a message to Sasau.”
Hans somehow grew even redder - “Lovebirds? Stop spouting nonsense!”
“No denying it, I see.”
“Be careful, Tess. Bandits are acting up in the region. Stay safe.”
Theresa left the room quietly, Mutt following close behind with his tail wagging. Hans turned away from Henry, trying to hide his face, but the squire was so preoccupied with the food that he didn’t even notice. The noble sat down on the chair next to his bed, still avoiding eye contact, opening and closing his mouth like he wanted to say something, but would change his mind at the last second.
“Something wrong, Sir?”
“Worry about yourself for once, you were hurt really badly, you know.”
“Aye… Whatever the priest gave me has worked its wonders, though, and I feel almost normal.”
“Almost…”
Henry cast his gaze up from the food onto the noble who was still looking away from him, chin resting on his hand, sunlight slipping through the window making his lips and nose light up like gold…
“I’m so tired, Henry…”
“What?”
“Never mind… Radzig and Hanush set out this morning for Vranik. Divish will be joining them there as well, and we’ll probably hear about how it goes down this evening.”
“That’s… good. I just wish I could be there myself for Istvan’s final breath.”
Hans finally looked back over at Henry, whose eyes were looking at him, yet not. Like mist clouding Henry’s vision as he relieved one of the many nightmares he had gone through in the last few months. Hans automatically reached for Henry to snap him out of his living nightmares like he had done before, but as soon as his fingers grazed Henry’s, the squire pulled them back on instinct.
“Don’t… You don’t have to, Hans, I’m fine.”
“You don’t look fine.”
“Neither do you, Sir.”
Hans huffed a laugh. Their woes were worlds apart, and he felt pathetic for it. Henry was reliving the same nightmares in his mind while Hans simply struggled to gauge his feelings for someone that he…
“It’ll be over after today, Hal. You’ve done your part well… You can rest, no one will blame you for it.”
“Over? My part?” - Henry chuckled with venom - “That’s all I was, wasn’t I. A fucking pawn in the noble’s games.”
“Hal…”
“Istvan was fucking right” - he breathed in through his teeth, the air filled with the anger that had finally reawakened in him - “He wanted to turn me against Radzig. Radzig wanted god knows what, but I was useful, wasn’t I? I’ve brought the pieces for that Hungarian bastard’s destruction, I killed so many, tried to help even more…”
“It’s over…”
“It’s not! No matter what I do, Hans, I still feel so god damn angry, and I know that I’m damned for hell.” - Suddenly, Henry raised his head again and looked at Hans with widened eyes.
He remembered.
“I’m so sorry, Hans!”
“What?”
“I’ll stay away from you, I’ll…”
Hans’s throat froze as he realized what Henry meant. Of course, he felt guilty, guilty for something Hans started, guilty for something Hans took advantage of him for…
Guilty for the only thing that made Hans feel like a normal human in years.
“Henry, I…”
“Just go! You don’t have to be nice, you owe me nothing, right? I can’t believe I made you do…”
“No! You didn’t make me do anything… but you’re right, some line has to be drawn.”
Henry placed his face into his open palms, trying his best to stifle a whimper as a single tear ran down his inner hands.
“I don’t see any demon lines. Not a single one.”
Then why could Henry not stop thinking of himself as one?
Hans stood up and walked to the door in a hurry, trying his best not to look at Henry, because he knew if he did, he would break and cross lines that should never be crossed.
“Just a knight and his squire…”

 

“Talmberg has been besieged by the bandits; Lord Radzig and Lady Stephanie are in their captivity.”
Hans, who stood just outside of Henry’s room’s window, looked back inside at Henry, who immediately threw his legs off the floor in a hurry, wincing in pain as he reached for his wardrobe. Hans turned back towards the messenger who had been sent for him.
“Is Hanush summoning me?”
“Aye, to the camp they have set up outside of Talmberg. I’m to escort you there as quickly as possible.”
“Understood. Go to the kitchen and get something to eat. I need to sort a couple of things, and I’ll be ready.”
“Thank you, Sire.”
Hans followed the messenger with his eyes and, as soon as he was out of view, turned back towards Henry’s room, immediately rushing in.
“Absolutely not! Get back in bed, you knobhead!”
“Sir Radzig! My father! Hans, I have to help them!”
“In your state!?”
“I’m fine! Move!”
“No way, Henry, you’re going to bloody die on me on the road! I can’t…”
Henry stopped fumbling with his hose and looked up at Hans, face not laced with anger, but care.
He had already forgotten his place.
“I’m… I’ll be fine if you’re with me.”
Hans swiped at his eyes that were already dry, yet why did he feel like he was crying?
“Fine, you knobhead, I’m not going to carry you like a sack of potatoes when you fall down though.”
“Liar…”

Notes:

The next chapter will probably be a long one, encompassing the finale and Hansry setting off for Trotsky, also dadzig angst? Daddy issues or issues with your dad? Henry will find out next time whenever I can finish this chapter, can't promise it'll be quick (˶ᵔ ᵕ ᵔ˶)

Chapter 17: Night raiders

Summary:

Henry and Hans join forces on a stealth mission, but things never seem to go to plan.

Notes:

I know I said next chapter would be the end of KCD1, but the last mission was way bigger than I remember and even if I cut the mission details (which ended up doing R.I.P. 4k words of info dumping mission details) I was still dangerously close to getting to 20k words so I'll split up the chapters and upload slowly over the week. Figured it's better this way anyway <3.

Hans’s horse galloped at the front with Pebbles right on its tail. The empty field, the bridge over a stream, the jagged forest, places both the noble and his squire have crossed many times already, though for different purposes. Despite the hurry, Hans was mindful and didn’t rush his horse, making sure Henry could keep up without his wounds flaring up again.
Henry shifted uncomfortably on the saddlebag, clad in armor of Rattay colours that clung tight against his messed-up torso, yet still brought a sense of comfort for the young blacksmith.
A gift from Hans that made him look the part of the Noble’s squire.
He had lost all of his equipment at Vranik after all…
Before Talmberg could come into sight, a smell of burning filled their nostrils. For Henry, it smelled like home…
He kicked Pebbles’s side, making the horse go at full speed despite his injuries, rushing past Hans, who looked at him wide-eyed, before making his horse hurry up as well. Outside of the castle gate, Divish sat on the grass, grasping at his shoulder, while Captain Robard and Hanush stood over him, clearly strategizing.
Hans jumped off his horse, immediately running towards the nobles. Henry tried to follow suit, wobbling on his feet when landing as Pebbles gave him a dissatisfied huff for making her old bones run too fast. Henry gently patted her mare and brought out a few carrots from her saddlebag, holding them up to her face while trying to listen in on the noble’s conversation.
It wasn’t his place after all.
And he didn’t exactly want to become an expendable piece for them right away, even if Radzig’s life was on the line…
“Henry, get over here, you yockel!”
Hans yelled at him from a distance and waved his hand, looking quite dissatisfied at Henry’s lack of absence near him. Henry bowed his head in shame as he walked towards them, trying to banish his selfish thoughts. Whatever was going on here, he had to save his lord… and his father.
“I apologize, Sir Hans, I didn’t think myself fit for this conversation.”
“You’re Radzig’s son, boy. Of course, you’re fit for it.”
Henry’s mind reeled, of course, even Divish’s god damned captain knew.
Hanush slapped his large hand on Henry’s back in a form of encouragement and turned to Divish.
“When the hell did they get Radzig? I didn’t make it to the gate.”
“He was charging against reinforcements from the castle,” - Captain Robard said while leaning next to Divish, taking a careful look at his shoulder wound. Henry kneeled next to him, and the captain didn’t protest, carefully looking into the shallow hole left behind by an arrow.
“Shame I don’t have my potion pouch with me, a marigold decoction would fix you up fast, sir.”
Hans, who had been talking about something with Hanush, lit up at the mention of the potion and proudly reached into his pouch - “You mean this?”
Henry took the phial with surprise written all over his face and smelled it.
It was perfect.
“Where did you get this?”
“I made it, of course. Like you said, it can always come in handy when you’re wounded, and I’ve been practicing while you were away being a holy servant of God.”
Henry nodded, trying to hide the happiness creeping up his face and down to his guts. Hans had taken his lessons seriously and even practiced. As he turned around and passed it to Divish, who looked far too distracted with worry to care, Hanush barked a laugh and slammed his hand against Hans’s back.
“So while we men were fighting, you were home playing with flowers?”
“I was home managing Rattay like you instructed and keeping my squire from trouble.”
“Yet he’s still here. Couldn’t even keep him on a tight leash, could you? Always had a weakness for dogs and their round eyes.”
Hans’s hair spiked on the back of his head from rising bile, but Divish interrupted them.
“What are we going to do now? Radzig and Stephanie are hostages of that snake!”
Henry’s eyes narrowed at the comment. He knew exactly who they were talking about.
“My friend, I think you know as well as I do, we have to lay a siege.”
“No, NO! That is our last resort, we have to try all our other options!”
Robard stood up, staring at the outer walls of Talmberg before turning back - “Sir, if a few men could scale the western wall after dark, maybe they could get inside, free the hostages, and open the gate.”
Divish shook his head - “That is if they’re holding them in the courtyard like we always have.”
Hanush imitated Divish, shaking his head with disapproval - “That is a big if. What if they’re seen and they can’t raise the portcullis quietly?”
“Sir Hanush, if we could save just one hostage…”
“It will be a dangerous mission. Who will we send?”
Henry’s mind immediately tore in two. On one hand, he knew he could manage it well; Theresa’s uncle had trained him well in stealth during his stay at the mill, and he had learned a lot from his experiences as well; however, he was still injured, and if his body betrayed him there, he would fall victim to Istvan again…
He nearly shook in place just from remembering parts of the day in Vranik he had repressed.
Hans’s young voice cut through the old men’s - “I’ll go!”
No…
Something unimaginable crossed Henry’s mind. Hans hanging with his arms tied above his head, stripped to his braies as Istvan traces his gloved fingers down the Noble’s fine back…
“I’ll go too.”
Hans looked at him with widened eyes that immediately turned to anger, but Henry looked away, trying his best to keep composed.
If something happened to Hans and he wasn’t there, he would never forgive himself.
“Then let us make ready.”

…

Rain poured heavily onto the freshly raised encampment near Talmberg. Several tents stood next to each other, swaying heavily with the wind as rain slammed against the cloth. Henry sat in an empty tent, barely big enough for two people, and buried his face against his knees. His body shook, undetermined if it was from the cold or fear.
If anything happened to Hans, if that demon sank his claws into the only thing that brought light into his life…
Henry wouldn’t just kill him, he would tear him limb from limb and make his dog Erik watch it all.
The flap of the tent opened, and an almost blur stepped inside.
Henry would’ve thought the devil finally came for him if golden hair didn’t radiate faint light even in the darkness of the stormy night. Hans brought out a torch covered in leather to avoid getting it wet and quickly lit it, causing Henry’s eyes to flash white for a few seconds until they both adjusted to the light.
“You look like you’ve seen a ghost.”
“I feel like I’m about to see you become one.”
“Always so dramatic, Henry. If anyone’s about to become a ghost, it’s you, and you know it.”
“That’s a very encouraging talk, Sir Hans, but if I may, I need to get ready for the mission.”
Hans scoffed and shook his head - “Unbelievable. I volunteered so you wouldn’t have to, you know.”
He tossed a sack into Henry’s lap and turned to step out, raising one of the flaps before pausing - “I can take care of myself, Henry, I’m not a child, I don’t need a babysitter.”
With that, he stepped out into the rain again, unaware of Henry, who wished he could tell Hans even half of the horrors he had feared…
He opened the sack Hans had thrown at him. Inside were plain, dark clothes, a sausage wrapped in cloth to prevent its smell from permeating the clothes, and a painkiller potion, clearly brewed by a novice.

…

“If any of you are having second thoughts, now is your last chance to say it!”
Robard stood in front of half a dozen men dressed in black, eyeing them with the ferocity of an unyielding captain. Henry stood at the back while Hans stood next to the captain, far away from Henry.
“I hope we’re all clear on what needs to be done. We need to free the hostages to deprive Toth of his advantage.”
Henry carefully hovered his hand over his hip, making sure for the twentieth time that his dagger and shortsword were still there. Something gnawed at his inside, an anxiety all too familiar, like everything was going to go tits up during the mission.
“He’ll be keeping them somewhere they can be easily guarded, but separate from his other men.”
“Where would that be?”
“We always kept our captives in the house on the bailey by the stables.”
Henry’s thoughts twisted. It wouldn’t have been his first time in Talmberg, but on his first visit, his brain was freshly destroyed, unable to comprehend any details that could have come in handy now. Henry hadn’t quite grasped the sharpness he gained in the tragedy of Skalitz back then.
“What if they’re in the tower or somewhere else?”
“Then we’ll have to go to the gate and try to open it, but that will take time and attract attention. So we can only do it if we know how things stand!”
Rained poured heavily, weighing their clothes against their bodies, yet the lurching fear didn’t dissipate within Henry’s guts.
“And if they sound the alarm before we’ve done anything, we get out of there quick, understood?!”
Henry finally realized what failure meant - “and leave them there?”
“Better a couple of hostages than a pile of corpses!”
Hans stood quietly beside Robard the entire time, letting Henry get his questions out until the Captain towards him next.
“Sir Hans, are you quite certain you want to engage in this action?”
Hans eased his face, putting on his noble smile that usually inspired light into a peasant’s mood - “Quite, after all, it can’t be much different from sneaking out of the upper castle in Rattay and back in every night.”
Henry quietly scoffed to himself. Of course, he would give a bratty answer fitting to his noble persona. Even now, Hans refused to let his mask drop…
Hans swiftly stepped towards Henry, leaning his elbow on his squire’s uninjured shoulder - “Besides, someone needs to keep this hothead from raising bloody mayhem.”
‘I only volunteered to keep you safe, you noble peacock!’
Yet another thought that would never get voiced… Probably.

…
“They will be telling the story of this for years to come! Unless we get captured, and then Toth will be telling the tales.”
Hans still joked as two men went up the ladders to take out the sentries. Men around him chuckled in rhythm, their mood lightening from the noble’s presence, except for Henry, who held onto the ladder so tightly his hands were probably white under the gloves, waiting eagerly to get this over with.
“Loosen up, Henry. They won’t see us coming.”
Henry huffed out hot breath before looking back at Hans, meeting his sky blue eyes with his own, seeing the golden hair covered by a dark hood. It didn’t fit the noble, looking like he was at a funeral.
“I’m fine, worry about your noble arse.”
As he said that, the men from above gave the sign to come up. Henry instantly flew up the ladder, nearly making it fall off the wall with all the shaking, and stood on the rampart. Soon after, the other three followed suit, crouching in a circle to devise a plan.
One of the men who took out the sentries spoke up - “I’ll put on his armor and watch this side, but there are still two guards at the portcullis side that need taking care of.”
“Henry will do it!” - Hans spoke with a mischievous grin, lightly nudging Henry, not hard enough to make his wounds flare up.
“Buffoon.” - Henry bit out his words, but started moving towards his goal without hesitation. He was good at this, terrifingly so, but when he peeked past the wall, he saw two guards, one staring at the outside of the walls, and one standing with his back turned towards him. Risky, but doable, as long as the second guard didn’t hear him over the rain.
Henry breathed out, stilling his hand as he took out the dagger from his hip belt. He approached with careful footsteps, his soft shoes, courtesy of Hans, swallowing any sound he could have made against the brick.
His hands moved in tandem, his left one sneaking up like a snake, past the man’s shoulder and covering his mouth, while the other hand sank a dagger into his heart. The man twitched for two seconds before his body gave out, limping into Henry’s hold.
Henry was surprised that his gut still reeled, even after all the atrocities he had committed.
As he slowly lowered the body onto the floor, the other guard yawned and turned around. Henry saw from his peripheral vision as the man’s eyes widened and he brought his hand towards his weapon. Then, the unmistakable sound of an arrow flying past his ears reached Henry’s hearing as it sank into the man’s throat. He grasped at the arrow in a desperate attempt to breathe and fell to his knees.
Henry looked behind him, and of course, Hans was there, not even his noble, mischievous grin on him, just a look of fear… for Henry.

…
Radzig wasn’t in the fucking house, because of course he wasn’t. God wouldn’t be so merciful as to give Henry an easy chance for once in his cursed life of adventure. His vision blurred from frustration and the sudden wave of exhaustion after his adrenaline had worn off.
“Damn it all, we’ll have to go back empty-handed. I really thought we could pull it off.”
“We’re not going anywhere, not without my father and… Lady Stephanie.
“And how are we going to find them? They’re not in the stables or anywhere nearby. You want to creep right inside the palace where Toth and his men are everywhere?”
“Yes… We can’t leave them with that bastard!”
“It was hard enough getting this far, but if we go inside, what good will it do to them if we get caught?”
“Then we must not get caught!”
“Listen, Hal. I can appreciate your stubbornness… Usually. But this could cost us our heads! I don’t think you can take another one of his…”
“I’m not leaving here without the hostages, whether you help me or not!”
“Damn it, listen to me, Hal! You’re going to get caught and cause more issues for everyone instead of being useful! Look at yourself, you’re barely keeping yourself standing, aren’t you?”
“I’m fine!”
“God damn it, you’re a stubborn Ox sometimes. Go ahead and get yourself killed then, at least give me time to take the hostages we did find out of here.”
Henry’s mind twisted in on itself from anger and annoyance when suddenly.
“Kurva! Fuck, my arse!”
“What, now?”
Henry turned around, confused, his eyes finally registering the arrow that had sunk deeply into Capon’s right buttock. It was… a sight to be remembered for sure. Hans, wet from rain, on his knees, his hand pressing against his arse to ease the pain as he gasped from shock.
The sound of an alarm bell broke Henry out of his trance. He immediately leaned next to Hans. Fuck he probably couldn’t walk like this, but Henry couldn’t leave him behind either.
He wouldn’t.
In one motion, he grasped the arrow and yanked it out as Hans whimpered from pain beneath, then he hoisted his hands under the noble’s waist and knees, steadying his legs against the earth and throwing his friend over his shoulder like a sack of potatoes.
Hans laughed, more from panic than actual humor of the situation as Henry quickly traced back the path they snuck in on.
“Quick! They’re right behind us! That is, behind you, they’re in front of me! And I can’t do anything!”
“I can hear, Hans! Shut up!”
Henry saw his allies that he snuck in with fighting in the courtyard against a few guards. They were at a disadvantage due to the lack of armor, but Henry’s priority sat over his shoulder, being as insufferable as ever.
“Faster!”
“I will throw you off, Capon!”
As he approached the steps, he felt the entire weight of Hans press down onto the hole below his ribs, the pain fighting its way through the painkiller provided by the lord just an hour before. Henry hissed, his knees buckled, but then he saw something that made adrenaline rush back into his blood.
Toth was at the top of the palace stairs, on the opposite side of the courtyard from Henry, looking down at the scuffle below with his annoying grin. Henry’s blood boiled at the mere sight, and as his eyes lowered, he saw the shine of his father’s sword…
How could he have forgotten another part of the nightmare he had tried to repress?
“Henry? Why are we stopping!?”
“Toth!”
A guttural scream erupted from Henry’s lungs, like of which he didn’t even know he was capable of. Everyone in the courtyard stopped for a second, staring up at the strained squire carrying his lord over his shoulder.
“Henry, sorry to trouble you, but could you fucking keep moving!?”
“I’m so glad you made it, Henry of Skalitz. Don’t worry, your daddy and I have had a nice long chat about you!”
Henry stood frozen, huffing like an angered bull, completely forgetting his task at the sight of Istvan, mocking him from across the battlefield. A guard tried to approach him, but Robard slipped out of the shadows and blocked his swing.
“Go, to the ladders, get Sir Hans away from here!”
“Run, for Christ’s sake, and don’t shake me so much!”
Henry didn’t hesitate again, trusting the aged captain’s experience as he quickly stepped towards the ladder, his thoughts blanking from anger…

…

Hans lay on his side on a thin bedroll in the camp, staring up at the tent’s ceiling that barely held back the cruel heat of the summer sun. With nothing to do but wait for his wound to heal, his brain had long passed the point of boredom.
Even Henry barely spoke to him…
His squire, instead of attending to his lordship, behaved like a responsible servant, running various errands for Divish and Robard, who didn’t hesitate to pile more on the blacksmith’s plate.
On the fourth day of the siege, Hans could finally walk around, slowly, but still, on his own. As he followed the road down the small hill, he saw Divish call for Henry, who looked like a sickly child. He ran up to the noble with an exhausted expression, rubbing his eyes, and as soon as he was face to face, an unceremonious “Uh-Huh” was all Hans heard before he burst out into laughter.
Henry stopped rubbing his eyes and looked up at the source of the sound, then back down at Divish in front of him, who had his brows furrowed from being offended, and he instantly brightened from embarrassment, his spiky ears and freshly healed nose immediately turning the shade of a tomato.
“I’m so sorry, sir! I was really tired…”
“Right. Well, you’ve done enough, Henry. Get some rest until the trebuchet is done tomorrow, I’ll find someone else to do what I need.”
“Thank you, sir.”
Henry slightly bowed as Divish walked off, muttering something under his breath. When he finally looked up to where Hans was laughing earlier, the space had become empty.
“Boo!”
Hans jumped into Henry’s vision from behind him, making the squire flinch in place and instinctively reach for his sword. He looked wide-eyed at Hans for a few seconds before uncontrollable laughter broke out of him, enough to make him grasp at his sides to not fold in half. Hans stood, grinning in front of his squire, who looked like he hadn’t had a proper rest in days.
“Jesus Christ be praised, Henry, where have you been?”
“Oh, you know, eating well, drinking more, sleeping with wenches while the siege is going on.”
“Very droll, you’re the one person I won’t believe any of those lies from.”
Henry shifted a bit uncomfortably in place, his armor clinging to his sweaty skin in the heat. Hans looked him over: scruffy, uneven, and long hair, overgrown beard, dark circles under his eyes, slight cut on his lower lip that wasn’t there before he had left a couple of days ago.
“Don’t look at me like that, I’m fine.”
“Somehow, I always doubt it when you say that.”
“I just ran out of my energy potions and fell asleep at a bad time… I got out of it, though.”
“Hmmm, Cockerel?”
“Aye…”
“Of course you’d be dependent on Cock-erel, eh?” - Hans nudged Henry’s side with his elbow in a joking manner.
Henry rolled his eyes but couldn’t stifle his chuckle.
“Did you just come up with that?”
“No, when I read your shitty poem.”
“And you’ve waited this long to say it, I’m impressed, Sir Hans.”
“Aye, a noble needs to learn patience for strategic excellence! You could learn a thing or two from me, Henry!”
“Riiight… How’s your arse?”
“Very noble. It’s good enough, and I better not hear you joke about it! I heard from Robard that the scar you had when you were last in Talmberg wasn’t that far off from where I got shot in my “upper thigh!”
“No, mine was the upper thigh, yours was right into your noble cushions.”
“I’ll throw you in the pillory for that!”
He wouldn’t. Not now, not ever. Henry sarcastically rolled his eyes again and reached into his bag, handing Hans a few phials.
“Here, for your pain in the arse.”
Hans took them and instantly downed one of them as Henry watched with a surprised expression. Hans took the bottle away from his mouth, a drip going down the side of his lips, which he licked up, and handed the bottle back to Henry.
“Thirsty there, Sir?”
“Parched.”
Henry awkwardly placed the phial back into his bag and averted his gaze from Hans, who hadn’t realized he was staring at his squire again. A sour taste, unrelated to the medicine, coated his tongue.
Right, just a knight and his quire. Why did he forget it so easily with Henry?

 

Throughout the day, Henry walked around the camp, refusing to rest despite his exhaustion and Divish’s order to take a break. Meanwhile, Hans simply reveled in finally being able to sit on a chair without too much pain again. As night fell, Hans stopped reading the book he had been focusing on to fight his boredom and looked around, trying to find his squire. Henry was supposed to share the tent with him, but he hadn’t stopped by at all the whole day, and at some point, his body would give out at a dangerous spot.
Hans stood up, ignoring the slight pain that had started to slip through the painkillers' effects. He went to the edge of the camp where the Horses were stationed, but Pebbles was right there. Henry either left on foot or was just hiding in the shadows. Hans went back to camp, deciding to ask a few soldiers if they knew where Henry was.
“Oh, Henry? That boy helped me out with a potion to help me sleep earlier, then went over to that guy to see if he needed anything.”
Of course.
“Hal? Aye, he said he was going out of camp to gather some herbs.”
Was he making potions? Here? Right, where did he even get the painkillers for Hans? Why didn’t he get Cockerels for himself?
Hans silently chuckled at his shitty joke again before losing himself in thought. Did he have to look for Henry? He was probably fine, but he looked so pitiful earlier, like a puppy that had been out in the rain for weeks.
‘Always had a weakness for dogs and their round eyes.’
As Hanush’s crude statement echoed through his mind again, he felt the unmistakable weight of something tackling his ribs, knocking him on his injured arse onto the ground. Mutt pawed at his pourpoint and moved up to lick at Hans’s face. The noble wanted to stop it, but his arms didn’t move an inch.
“Agh, Mutt, wait…” - Hans finally got an idea, holding out one of the phials that Henry had given him, maybe the maker’s scent was still on the bottle - “Seek!”
Mutt stopped his assault and barked once before turning tail and running down the path leading to the forest. Hans stood up and dusted himself off before giving chase, unaware that he didn’t have any weapons on him. Truly reckless when it came to his squire.
…
Young Hans and his new friend snuck past the gates of Lower Pirkstein and into the palace. They giggled to themselves in the shadows as a guard passed them in the hallway without noticing them. Hans opened the lock to his grand room, befitting a noble. Gorgeous drawings, decorated vases filled with flowers, arranged by the maids to give the room more colour. Hans’s friend walked in awe towards a bookshelf on the right side of the room, which was filled with various books.
“You can read all these, Hans?”
“But of course, I study hard every day, you know.”
“That’s amazing! Could you tell me some stories from them?”
Hans’s heart fluttered; someone was finally interested in the many stories he had read from the books in boredom.
“How about I teach you how to read as well? That way, you can learn anything you want!”
“I don’t know, sir, a peasant like me isn’t supposed to…”
“Don’t worry about it, every Tom and Harry can read in Prague. Who’s to say Rattay should be any different?”
“I’d be honored, Sir.”
“I told youuu, drop the 'Sir' when it’s just us…”
The boy grinned as Hans flicked his forehead and moved over to one of the slimmer books, easier for children to understand. He held it up against the boy’s face and grinned.
Suddenly, the door burst open with far too much force. Hanush rushed in with the chamberlain following behind his footsteps like a shadow. The lord of Leipa looked around furiously around the room, spotting Hans, who held his hands out, and the child hiding behind his back cowered from fear.
“How many times have I told you! You’re not allowed to bring peasant children into the castle!”
“But… but he’s my friend, uncle, I just wanted to spend time with him.”
“If you show favoritism to one, they’ll grow brave.”
The man who seemed like a giant in the eyes of the children walked up to Hans without hesitation and grabbed the wrist of the boy behind him, raising it up and pulling him away from Hans.
“Stop it, Uncle! Please! You’re scaring him!”
“Good, he should be!” - Hanush dragged the boy, who was silent from fear, over to the chamberlain, who grabbed hold of him in turn and walked out of the room.
Hans, enraged, went to punch Hanush in his noble stomach, but his guardian caught his arm with ease. Hans didn’t stop struggling in his grasp, throwing another punch with his free arm, but it felt like Hanush didn’t even feel it.
“Why? Why can’t I…
…
Mutt brushed roughly against Hans’s thighs, trying to snap the noble out of his distracted state. Something the dog had grown too accustomed to doing with his owners. Hans lowered his body and patted his head.
“Thank you. You and your master never want me to think much, do you?”
A bark was all he got back in answer before the dog turned around and continued tracking his owner. Hans looked around at where they had walked to while he was zoned out, and realization set in. The woods where he had spent much of his youth “Hunting”, (trying to get away from Hanush and breathe for a while.)
The forest where he got captured…
The forest where Henry looked at him like a normal person, his irreverence coaxing Hans’s brain, not with offence, but with a feeling of normalcy that he rarely felt when drowning in Melancholy.
Mutt barked and rushed ahead, disappearing between the bushes. Hans sped up, running through the jagged twigs and roots with forgotten safety. The first thing he saw in the dim light of the moon and his torch was Mutt rubbing against Henry.
Henry, who stared into the void.
The void that seemed to stare back.
Hans approached him carefully.
“Henry!”
Silence.
“Henry?”
Hans stood next to his squire and immediately tried to reach out, but images flashed in his mind, Henry flinching multiple times at unexpected touches. Instead, Hans tried to position himself in front of Henry and look him in the eyes.
“Fuck sake, you sleepwalked all the way out here?”
Suddenly, Henry lunged forward at him, pinning Hans’s shoulders to the tree bark with his palms. Hans had his breath forced out of him by the impact.
“Where’s my fucking sword!?”
‘Sword? The fuck is his problem?’
Hans finally comprehended what was happening. Henry may have been forceful, but his grip was weak. Hans pulled his head back and raised his hands to grab at Henry’s wrists, not caring anymore how his friend would react to the touch. He pulled the hold over his shoulders apart, making Henry fall forward from the loss of balance and bump his head into Hans’s chest.
“Aghh, sakra, what the fuck?”
“Finally, you’re awake?”
“Awake?”
Henry blinked against Hans’s chest and quickly pulled back from realization, nearly falling back all the way to the ground. He looked around, confused, trying to take in his surroundings through his hazy vision. Mutt rubbed its head on his thigh, letting out an occasional whine.
“I was sleepwalking?”
“You knew about this!?”
“Aye, I didn’t know they had come back though…”
“There’re just no thoughts going on in your empty head, are there? I told you to rest, to recover, but you go and volunteer yourself at every little errand again… You need rest more than anyone in this god forsaken region. Why don’t you get that?”
Henry looked up at him, dough-eyed before his expression tightened, brows furrowing as he bit his lip, trying to hold back the venom that would inevitably come out. But he didn’t want it here, not now, not with Hans…
“I’m fine…”
“Lying to your lord again? Your insubordination is miraculous. Maybe if I threw you into the stocks instead, you’d finally stop for once!”
“Then do it.”
“Excuse me?”
“You’re the noble, aren’t you. The knight training your humble bastard squire.”
Henry stepped backwards, casting his gaze down to the ground, unable to look Hans in the eyes. Hans leaned back against the tree that Henry had slammed him against earlier and slid down onto the earth. Henry slightly raised his gaze.
“I don’t know what to say. I’m sorry, Hal, for everything. But I’m worried about you.”
“You don’t have to be.”
“Yes, I do. Lord knows you don’t take care of yourself properly.”
Henry sighed and sank to the ground himself, lying flat on his back in front of Hans, who had planted his face between his knees.
“Remember when Hanush sent you with me as my page for a hunt?”
“How could I forget?”
“I know it was punishment, but it was the best thing that has happened to me in years.”
“My irreverence doesn’t bother you anymore, my lord?”
Henry turned to his side and closed his eyes, trying to hide himself away from his friend’s gaze.
“You treated me like a normal human. I appreciated that. I still do.”
Henry remembered: Sneaking glances at Hans as Hanush and Radzig scolded him. Feeling proud and happy when he beat Hans in the archery competition. Feeling alive for the first time in weeks as his fist landed on Hans’ jaw.
Hans didn’t pity him then.
Hans doesn’t pity him now.
The sun shone radiantly on the demon who had lost everything.
He would give anything to stay close to that sun, even if he couldn’t touch it like he longed to.
“I’m tired, Hans.”
“I know, Henry. Go to sleep.”
Henry didn’t make a motion to get up, sinking further into the dirt as the sound of the gentle breeze, falling leaves, and Hans’s breathing soothed his heart.
Far too wounded to realize its limits.
For the first time in weeks, he had a good night's sleep.
…
After that evening, young Hans sobbed into the pillow, unable to comprehend why Hanush would restrict him from making friends with a peasant.
He’s a blue-blooded noble. It’ just the way of the world. He has responsibilities to the people.
The people he wasn’t allowed to approach. Instead staring at them from his castle like a bird would stare at its owner from its cage.
The walls of the grand room have never felt so tight around Hans before.

Notes:

A few things I need to mention
First off, I've decided to dive into Hans's past events that we dont see much of in any of the games or hear about them either. I'll bring back a few memories here and there to maybe help characterize his behaviour even more, let me know what you think. also I always considered Hans’s room in KCD1 to be too small and plain for him, then someone said he probably gave up his room for Radzig to stay in, which is what I’m going with here, though Idk if it’s canon or not.
Second, It’s so hard to write Hansry trying not to be gay with each other and trying to keep themselves in check, cause everything I write with them comes out so homo-erotic. This is a way more toned-down version of about 7k words I ended up deleting this morning. Can’t make it straighter, physically, I’m too gay clearly.

third, I feel a bit like I might be losing the plot or making it too convoluted for my own good because i made them realize their feelings to early when I want them to truly get together in Suchdol, but I have a few alternative ideas in mind. One I most likely will go with is Hans slowly repressing his feeling more and more untill "for whom the bell tolls" or the maleshov rescue, While Henry tries his best to distract himself from Hans by going for other options he never had before like my glorious king bartosch.
I just want to keep my intentions clear, this fic has not been pre-written for about 5 chapters now and maybe it shows, I apologize if it's not as enjoyable anymore.

 

Thank you if you read my Hansry related rant. I'm just a gay boy writing a fully self-indulgent fic cause my brainworms are somehow getting even worse.
As always, thank you for reading, new chapter maybe tomorrow night or thursday morning („• ᴗ •„)

Chapter 18: I'm not like those monsters

Summary:

With the Trebuchet being done, trouble approaches the camp. Henry and Hans are forced to split up for their duty and fight for their honor and pride.

Notes:

SMUT WARNING, though nothing too much, just Hans being a top tier yearner. also a lot of fighting cause i let myself indulge quite a bit.

Imagine it's a modern AU Martin voice -- You know the trouble of living in a post-soviet country, son? It's that a generator can fucking explode make your house not have power for more than a week...
And a shawarma can give you a nasty food poisoning right after

Anyway you'll never guess why this chapter was so late (• ε •)

An empty dream.
Rare moment of reprieve for Henry of Skalitz.
Until everything went to shit again.
Gentle breeze soothed his sweaty forehead as it flew past the jagged woods. Sunlight crept its way through the leaves, shining down in small rays on the land, freshly woken up. Henry fluttered his eyes and tried to take in the green blur overhead. He rose his back slowly to sit up while yawning, trying to remember where he was.
“Morning, Henry! I see you rested well.”
“Hans!?”
Henry looked down at a small bedroll laid out under him, then back up at Hans, who sat on a log and poked at the small fire between the two. The noble looked at him with a strange expression that he hadn’t used in front of Henry before.
His charming, noble smile.
“Is everything alright?”
“All is well. Hanush had sent someone to look for me earlier, but I sent him packing. Didn’t want anyone to disrupt my precious squire’s sleep.”
“Aye… Thank you?”
“You’re quite welcome, but now we need to get back or those old men won’t be able to handle anything on their own.”
“Won’t you get in trouble for disappearing for a whole night?”
“That’s for me to worry about, Henry, not you.”

 

…

 

“Now, let’s see how strong those walls are.”
Divish brought down his hand and the soldier in charge of the trebuchet pulled the lever. Hans and Henry watched in awe as part of the machine flew upward and slung the giant stone toward the castle. They had only read about such machines of war, to witness them up front like this was new for both the noble and his squire. Hans nudged Henry’s side with an exhilarated look on his face while pointing at the rock cutting through the air.
The rock flew down and onto the outer bailey as the scream of a chicken seconds before dying echoed through the valley.
Hans couldn’t stop his laughter, and everyone looked at them wide-eyed as Henry joined in.
“Well… the trebuchet has to be calibrated to get the shot just right. It’s perfectly normal.”
Divish stared daggers into the engineer as he swallowed nervously around every word.
“I’ll have the range in no time.”
“Move! God damn it! I need to see Sir Divish!”
An exhausted man was pushing through the small crowd, panting hard. Henry and Hans immediately ceased their laughter and looked towards him with concern, along with the other nobles.
“Sir, they’re coming! There’s no time!”
Divish looked down at the exhausted men and immediately yelled out for someone to bring him water; then he turned his attention back to the messenger.
“Breathe, man. You’ll be alright. Who’s coming?”
“There’s an army on the way. And they’re carrying the colors of Havel Medek of Valdek! They’re very close.”
Henry’s eyes narrowed, his breathing shortened. Of course, that snake had something up his sleeve, calling for help from someone else so he wouldn’t have to lift his finger again. Hans placed his hand on his shoulder, breaking Henry out of his spiral. A gentle reminder that he wasn’t alone and Toth wouldn’t get away with everything.

…

The plan was set. Robard’s men would engage with the army on the bridge at the river bank, after which Radzig’s men from Skalitz would come out of hiding from the rear to give them the advantage. Captain Bernard would stay behind with a few men to defend the camp in case Toth’s men tried to sneak out in the mayhem.
Something was missing. A feeling, a doubt gnawing at Henry’s gut, but he couldn’t quite put a finger on it.
“Henry, I need to talk to you about your part in this battle.”
Henry looked around and realized everyone had already left the tent in a hurry. Even Hans…
“My part, Sir? I thought I was to go with the Skalitz men.”
“I need more than that from you, Henry.”
“More, Sir?”
What more could these nobles want from him? Had he not done enough?
“If we can’t hold out at the quarry, we’re finished. You, I, Hanush, and Radzig”
“I don’t understand what I can do, Sir.”
“Since Hanush will be leading the flank attack, and I’m injured, Captain Robard will be in charge of the Vanguard.”
That made sense. Robard may have been of age, but his skills were comparable only to Captain Bernard's.
“But many of the men will be from Skalitz. We need someone there who knows them and has their respect.”
“Sir?”
“I mean you, Henry!”
“But… That is…”
Henry, the sinner of Skalitz, is in charge of his fellow people? Henry, who was destined for hell since the day he was born, who knew how other villagers spoke about him behind his back, god knew what they thought about him…
But was it actually about his temptations, like he thought, or were the rumors he always tried to hide from about him and Radzig instead?
Was he safe, for now?
Was he respected by his people?
“I think you should do it, Henry! Everybody loves you.”
Hans stood at the entrance of the tent for god knows how long, listening in on the conversation between the noble and Henry.
“I’m glad you agree, Sir Hans.”
“I wouldn’t force him, Sir Divish, but you’re right. The people of Skalitz love Henry more than he knows.”
Henry looked into Hans’s eyes for purpose, encouragement, lies… But the noble spoke the truth, or what he believed to be the truth at least.
“In the battle, you and a group of Skalitz men will be concealed in the woods over the road. Don’t underestimate the task I’m placing on you. You’ll have to keep nervous men on a short leash and not attack too soon. You will attack from the rear so fast that the enemy won’t have a chance to react.”
Hans walked up next to Henry again and clapped his palm on the squire’s back - “and if the lines should start to break, they’ll need someone with a firm head on their shoulders to keep control of the men.”
Henry swallowed hard. The self-doubt was still strong within him, but Hans’s encouraging hand on his back gave him the push he needed - “I’ll do it, Sirs.”
Henry bowed and walked out of the tent with Hans right behind him. The noble chuckled to himself and placed one of his arms around Henry’s shoulders as they walked.
“Thank you for the… encouragement before the battle.”
“I know if anyone can do it, Hal, it’s you.”
“Will you be with Hanush?”
“No, he’s commanded me to stay behind with Bernard…”
Henry shifted below Hans’s grasp to look at him, only to see Hans looking at the sky with frustration.
“I'm sure you’ll get your chance, Hans.”
“Whatever. I’ll just sit at camp and watch out for Toth’s smug grin in case he tries to sneak out, I suppose.”
“You have my full encouragement to gut the bastard. He still has my sword as well.”
They walked into their tent, where they kept their equipment. Hans let go of Henry and stepped back while the squire dug through their chests.
“Your sword?”
“Aye… Well, it’s Radzig’s sword. Me and Pa… Martin made it together for him on the day of the raid…”
“Oh… that sword.”
“The thought of that bastard swinging it around like it’s his… It’s the last reminder of my Pa.”
Hans watched as Henry put on the equipment that he had gifted to his squire. A short pourpoint, fine shoulder and leg plates, along with a yellow brigadine. Colours of Rattay.
Colours of Hans.
Henry then brought out his red scarf from a bag.
“You still have that? I thought you lost everything at Vranik.”
“I did. But I left this behind at the mill. I guess I’m just lucky…”
Those weren’t the words Hans would use for everything that went down in that cursed camp, but to each their own. He turned to put on his armor. Chauses, gauntlets, shoulder plates, leg armor, chainmail…
He felt the weight of his body increase with each piece, hindering his movements more and more. As he tried to snap his chestplate in place, his arm cramped.
“Kurva, why won’t it tie properly?”
“Let me help you out there.”
Henry approached from behind without giving Hans a chance to react, and put his arms around the noble’s waist, snapping the straps in place to keep the chestplate fastened around him. Hans didn’t look back, instead keeping his head down and staring at his feet.
“Thank you, Henry. I think you should go and catch up with your men now. I’ll be waiting here…”
Henry looked at him with a confused look, but walked out without mentioning anything.
Hans sighed and looked down at the tent threatening to peek past his leg armor.
“Kurva, I just put on this armor…”

 

…

 

“Hey, Henry’s come to see us.”
“Hi, Janek. Is this everyone?”
“Aye, we’re just waiting on Robard to lead us.”
“Actually… They put me in charge of the men from Skalitz…”
Henry looked around at the two dozen men who were gathered in small groups around the bushes, right above the road where the enemy would soon pass. A few of them stared at him with different expressions, some others talked among themselves, and some were praying for their safety.
Jaroslav came up behind Henry and slapped Henry’s back with his palm - “I couldn’t have thought of anyone better to lead us, Hal!”
“Wait, what? But…”
Janek turned around and raised his hand to get everyone’s attention - “God is looking out for us today, comrades. Son of Sir Radzig, Henry, who single-handedly defeated one of the bandit leaders and bravely snuck into their camp alone to give us the advantage, will be leading us today. In honor of Sir Radzig, let us follow him today!”
Slight silence befell the group before a man started cheering. Soon after, more and more joined in. Henry couldn’t believe his ears.
They believed in him.
It was… foreign.
“Jesus Christ be praised!”
“If anyone can lead us to victory, it will be Henry!”
“Our hero Henry!”

 

…

“Hold…”
Henry watched carefully as the small army of around 100 men passed their hiding spot in the bushes. He spotted from the corner of his vision that the man next to him was shaking. He turned back and placed a hand on his shoulder with a slight, reassuring smile. The man nodded in response and took a deep breath.

“Fuck there’s a lot of them.”

“Hold…”

 

He raised his hand and heard the sound of bowstrings getting pulled. He raised his bow, one that he had won from Hans a lifetime ago, and aimed it himself at a sizable man who guarded the army’s flank.
The enemy army stood still for a few seconds at the road before splitting up, half of them kept going on the road while the other half started walking uphill towards the Skalitz-men.

“NOW! CHARGE!”

Multiple arrows flew through the air past Henry and sank their way into the enemy group’s front line.

“Grind those whoresons into dirt!”

The enemy didn’t have a chance to react as two dozen men flew out of the bushes and charged straight at them. Henry ran in the front as he dodged a panicked swing from an unsuspecting soldier and sank his sword straight into the man’s throat. He batted away the blood that gushed out onto his face and turned his head to another enemy right next to him that was starting to grasp the situation.

 

“Henry, watch out!”

Before Henry could take action himself, a man he didn’t quite recognize at the moment swung at the man next to him, giving Henry a chance to reposition and focus on an unoccupied enemy. He turned his body to the side and slid out the sword, still stuck in his first victim’s throat.

Immediately, another enemy who was much taller than Henry threw an overhead swing with his mace, aiming directly for Henry’s bascinet. He dodged to his left and immediately brought his sword upwards, slicing at the man’s armpit, between the gaps in his armor. He screamed out and let go of his weapon, an opportunity Henry didn't miss as his sword found its way towards the man’s neck, slicing clean through his throat to guarantee the kill.

The man dropped to the ground with a heavy thud; his weapon lay next to him. Henry’s eyes froze on it for a crucial second, as a sword flew out of the crowd on his left and struck at his bascinet. The helmet didn’t give out, but the sound vibrated heavily through the metal and into Henry’s brain, forcing him to back up from shock.
Henry’s breath hitched as he barely held himself up and let go of his sword.
He felt the same dreaded feeling he had felt a few times by now, as it felt like his body was not under his control.
He knelt in a hurry and grabbed the mace from his previous victim.
…
“Don’t forget Hal, grip near the end, use your palm to leverage power without exerting too much of your strength, and swing.”
“I got it, Pa. You don’t need to repeat it, it’s just a hammer.”
“It’s not ‘just a hammer,’ it is a tool. The tool has to be handled appropriately, or you’ll waste your strength.”
“Would a mace be handled in the same way?”
“...”
“Pa?”
“Aye, it would… But you’ll never need to test it yourself.”
…
Henry swung the Mace from the right, leaving a dent in his opponent’s chestplate as the man stumbled away and fell within the same second. Another man nearly tripped over him, barely steadying himself in vain as Henry swung upwards straight into his jaw.
Henry felt the crack vibrate down the mace and through his body as the man’s jaw fell open. He looked with horrified eyes at Henry before crumbling down on his knees.

…
Martin whistles while chiseling away at a sword handle. Henry brought the hammer down onto the metal with the rhythm. Once, twice, slowly, carefully. The metal took shape under his fingertips, obeyed his will, one of the only semblances of control that Henry felt in his life.
…
Henry’s mind regained control as he saw one of his fellow Skalitz-men fall right next to him. His killer laughed maniacally as his head snapped towards Henry, setting his sights on his next target. Henry breathed in hard, grasping the unfamiliar mace in his hand with an eerie instinct of how to handle it, just like that time in the tournament. The men from Skalitz were winning, but this bastard would be the toughest of the enemy.
Someone, only Henry seems to be able to handle.
Henry took the first swing, bringing his entire weight from the right. The man blocked it with his shield, absorbing the impact into his arm as he brought his shortsword straight to Henry’s guts. Henry didn’t have a shield, but he managed to dodge to his right, away from the blade that cut the air too close to him for comfort.
The man’s shield would be a problem…

‘Even metal breaks under too much uneven pressure, son.’

Henry swung his mace from the right again, aiming for the same spot on the shield that he had struck last time. The man blocked it in the same way, predictably. He brought his sword upwards in retaliation. Henry barely dodged backwards, feeling the cold metal slightly slice through his chin, taking a bit of blood with it.
“Sakra.”
Henry stumbled backwards, nearly tripping over one of the bodies on the ground. The world outside of his focus on his opponent was too blurry to tell whose man it was. He adjusted his grip on the mace, making sure to steady his grip on the wood. The man in front of him licked his lips in anticipation and charged forward with a flurry of blows. Above, below, right, right, left. Technique mixed with bloodlust, both of which Henry was familiar with. As the man reached the last step of the combo that feints an attack from above to strike straight into the face, Henry dodged to his right and swung at full force at the man’s shield.
As his opponent tried to block it, the wood cracked under pressure, and with it, his arm. A sickening crunch mixed with a roar of pain filled Henry’s ears as a smile escaped his lips.
He readjusted his grip on his mace, bringing his palm closer to the metal, and punched it straight into the disoriented man’s face, his nose barely providing any resistance to the cold metal.
His opponent stumbled backwards and clawed at his face in disbelief before falling forward onto the dirt.

‘And the winner is, Henry of Skalitz!’

A memory of the tournament echoed through his mind, but no one cheered for him here, no one even saw his great tactic and technique. War didn’t stop because he survived.
He looked around and realized that was it; this portion of the enemy had been taken care of, but the battle had not yet stopped.
“We need to assist Robard’s men! With me, everyone!”
The men raised their swords in agreement and roared for their victory before chasing after Henry, who ran up the road to where Hanush and Robard were holding off the rest of the enemy.
…
Henry let go of the bloody mace, feeling the sound of metal hitting the dirt echo through his brain. He survived, he helped, he didn’t run.
It would soon be over.
As he walked past the Skalitz-men with a blurry vision, he noticed Janek try to approach, but hold himself back last second. Henry kept walking up the dirt road, trying to find his next purpose in this fight, when he spotted Divish sitting on a rock and two guards holding a young man in front of him.
“Here’s their leader.”
“What, this boy?”
“You could show a little more respect, Divish! You’ll need it when you kneel before Istvan!”
Henry’s mind reeled, from anger, hatred… fear of the memory that haunted him since Vranik.
He approached as fast as he could, barely keeping himself back from running at full speed into the bastard.
“You whoreson! I’ll gut you before your dear Istvan can see your shit eating face again!”
As Henry went to swing at Erik, Hanush appeared behind him and held his arm tightly in place.
“Now, now, boy. I know you’re angry, but he seems like a valuable hostage.”
Henry breathed in deep, trying his best not to lunge at Erik, who stood there with a grin too smug for a hostage.
“He’s Istvan’s captain and right-hand man. Something even closer than that, he’d make a great hostage, Sirs.”
“Finally, some good news. Shackle him and guard him closely!”
As Divish gave the command, Robard ran down the streets towards them in a hurry.
“Those bastards slipped by to destroy our Trebuchet!”
A bitter laugh escaped Erik as he looked at Henry with his venomous gaze, but the blacksmith was too preoccupied with worry to care.
“Hans…”

 

…

 

As Henry’s footsteps receded, the shame pressed hard against Hans’s braies and mind. After everything that’s happened, everything that he’s said, and the silent agreement with Henry to never mention it again, he still couldn’t control himself.
It was new for Hans, unable to maintain his facade properly, and it terrified him.
He peeked outside the tent flaps, seeing that there were barely any soldiers around, mostly gathered around Bernard, just in case Istvan tried to flee the castle in the chaos. Hans retracted his head and knelt on his or Henry’s bedrolls, his thoughts too chaotic to tell them apart at the time.

“I can’t be expected to fight like this…”

He pulled at the small section of his Braies that was not covered by leg armour, pulling the fabric down enough to free his noble pizzle. The head rushed out to get some fresh air in a hurry; the desperation of its owner was apparent on the poor thing.
Hans grumbled in annoyance as he undid the laces on his gauntlet. Even if the idea of using the armor seemed intriguing, now was not the time to try it out.
He wrapped his fingers around the base of his cock, dragging them up slowly. It was dry, but it’d have to do. His nerves felt fried from something: anger, annoyance, lust.

Hans’s mind was a mess. Unholy thoughts towards …
He brought his fingers down to the base again, grasping even harder to the point of nearly cutting off the blood flow to his cock.
He had to clear his head. With this, everything would go back to normal.
Whatever normal was…

Hans remembered the feeling of wrapping both of his palms around him Henry and, dragging his fingers up and down slowly, gently, wet with spit. Henry failing to stifle his grunts.

Hans chuckled with spite. Damn that Henry, truly a demon, like he kept saying, for corrupting Hans like this… yet blaming him felt so wrong, no matter how easy it would be. His hand nearly cramped as he kept moving up and down on himself.

‘I’ve got to think of something else before I do something I regret’

Hans tried, but as his hand moved, he tried to remind his body of the maidens he had bedded, or the wenches he had paid off, letting him lie still as they did all of the job…

His hand slowed down, and a wave of unpleasantness buzzed through his body. Romance was not for him. He was a noble; he would be set up with a wife sooner or later, and his entire life would be planned out. These foolish ambitions have to be put to rest…

“I'm a monster, an abomination, something destined for hell! You're an angel... Why did you let me think I could share your light."

But Henry was so gentle with Hans, so vulnerable and open to his lord. So real… Unlike anything Hans had experienced before meeting the damned boy.

Hans’s hand sped up as memories flushed back.
Their legs entangled in the bathtub as a pleasurable buzz from alcohol melted Hans’s brain.
Henry bringing him painkillers and meat after the hunting trip.

A shiver ran down Hans’s spine.

Henry is stumbling outside of the bathtub with a bucket over his head. Putting on a show of his balance, or lack thereof. He finally tripped, falling forward bucket-first right into Hans and the water in the tub. Both of them laughed hysterically as Hans pulled the bucket off of Henry’s head, but they stopped when they realized just how close their faces were, looking into each other’s drunken eyes with …

“Sakra”

Henry knelt in front of the spooked Hans, gently pulling off his wet clothes without lingering too long. He walked to his wardrobe and brought out his new tunic for Hans, helping his dazed friend slip it over his head.

Another buzz, this time a lot more pleasurably, ran up from Hans’s cock to his brain, the pleasure fast approaching.

Henry sat obediently on the bathhouse chair as Hans ran his fingers through his hair, enjoying the feeling a little too much.
When Hans patted his head, Henry leaned into it like a mutt would…
His mind raced, between every moment between Hans and Henry… fighting together, bathing together, Henry teaching Hans how to brew potions, Henry helping Hans put on the armor…

‘After this, it will never repeat. Everything will go back to normal…”
“Henry…”

As he could feel that he was about to spend, the roaring of men snapped Hans out of his trance. Did the enemy make it past the troops? Why here?
He let go of his cock in a hurry, not even getting a chance to regret what his thoughts had come to.
Hans rushed out of the tent in a hurry, nearly running face-first into a mace that had been swung at another soldier. He ducked out of its way, nearly tripping over his own feet as Bernard blocked another swing aimed at him this time, and parried it with a master-strike straight through the man’s throat. He grabbed onto Hans’s sleeve and pulled him up.

“Sir, we’re under attack. There aren’t many of them, so get it together!”
“You got it, Captain.”

Hans unsheathed his sword, praying in his mind that Bernard or someone else hadn’t heard his reckless debauchery just before, and stepped towards a soldier who was running towards the Trebuchet.
‘Did these bastards slip past our troops? Or did they…’

Hans stabbed into the bastard’s shoulder, making him yelp from pain and surprise before turning back, too late to react as Hans sliced through his lower gambeson, uncovered by his cuirass. Blood gushed through the fabric, but unlike Henry, Hans had long since been desensitized to battle.

Men die in war; it's the way of the world.

‘I hope he’s doing alright’

Hans turned to look around; there were only about a dozen men from his side, and a lot more from the enemy. That’s what Bernard meant by not many of them?
Hans breathed in. He had trained under Bernard since he could hold a sword. None of these whoresons could hold a candle to him! He sprinted towards one of his allies who was getting surrounded from three sides. Before any of them could spot him, Hans had already sunk his longsword into the back of a man who stood on his allie’s left side.
He swiftly retracted it and grabbed the armpit of his victim, holding him up in front of him to block an angered stab from one of the opponents. The man yelled from anger as his blade met his comrade’s flesh, but it was too late as Hans dropped the body and sliced at him from the left. He stepped in closer, too uncomfortable of a distance for people wielding longswords, but it was a tightness he knew how to navigate well. He brought his pommel upwards, striking at the man’s chin to daze him, then turned the front of his blade upwards, hitting hard against the chestplate. The man roared out in fury before bringing his sword down with full force. Hans barely blocked it, nearly getting his cheek sliced when the blade got redirected. The force of the swing numbed his finger, but he didn’t relax, retaliating at the chance to strike back. The man parried him as well, backing up towards his comrade, who was engaged against Hans’s ally.
Two on two, he had fought in worse odds before.

“No mercy, you bastards!”

He yelled out as he raised his sword, feinting an attack that the enemy failed to predict. Hans sliced across the man’s face, across his eye, nose, and mouth. Hans didn’t get a moment to enjoy the victory as he heard someone shuffle behind him before he saw them, a rough sword striking onto his helmet. He felt himself get dazed, barely keeping himself up on his feet and stumbling forward to gain distance from the ambush attacker.
When he turned around, he realized he had dropped his longsword; the only thing on him was a dagger that was not suitable for a fight like this. His eyes widened from panic, but he kept his composure in check, instantly unsheathing the dagger and facing his opponent.
‘I am Sir Hans Capon of Pirkstein, I’m not fucking dying here today!’
His mind roared as the ambusher rushed towards him, swinging confidently. Hans barely dodged to the left and tried to get a hit in himself, but the short range of his dagger put him at too much of a disadvantage. It was meant for killing in the shadows, not in a full-out combat.
Hans kept backing up, unable to comprehend if more of the enemy could be waiting behind him. In front of him, his only ally in sight dropped to the ground as his killer turned his attention towards the defenceless Hans.
‘I’m so fucked.’
Hans looked around. He had backed down into the empty field right beside the encampment. If anyone else were alive, they wouldn’t be able to come to his aid in time. The opponent closer to him who had made him drop his sword, a man with a slim but tall build, rushed forward again, swinging from above, then from the left. Hans dodged to his left, then ducked under the horizontal swing, but lost his balance as the sword struck his chestplate.
He was on his arse, awaiting death.
“Get the fuck off my lord!!!”
As a roar echoed through the field, the man was hit by something heavy from behind before he could react. He stumbled on a spot for a few seconds before falling forward, almost landing on Hans. The noble looked up in shock, unable to make out his savior’s face until his frame blocked out the sun from Hans’s vision.
“Hal!”
Henry held out his arm, and Capon took it, standing up with a bright smile. Henry was covered in blood, his dark blue gambeson was unreasonably wet despite its color not having changed, but all Hans saw was an angel, hero, his Henry.
As he stood up, he saw a shadow approaching Henry from behind; the squire, who had dropped his guard, hadn’t noticed. Hans quickly took the mace from his hand and blocked a swing aimed straight for Henry’s unarmored neck. He pushed away the attacker’s sword and swung upwards. Even if the weapon was unfamiliar, he had to fight; he had to protect Henry.
From the outside of his vision, an arrow flew at the man, sinking into his shoulder and giving Hans the perfect opportunity to smash the bastard’s skull in, even through the helmet.

The man and Hans stumbled in sync and fell back in opposite directions, but Hans was having a much better day than the poor bastard. Henry caught his body before it hit the dirt and slowly lowered him onto his knees.
“Hans! Are you alright?”
“I’m fine, Henry. I’m just exhausted… are the others…”
“All the enemies are dead… and the trebuchet is mostly fine.”
“I see, that’s good.”
“Are you sure you’re fine? You nearly die…”
“I’m aware, blacksmith’s boy! Don’t underestimate your lord just because you’ve saved him a few times by now.”
“Aye. I know. You did great.”
“Don’t patronize me!”
Henry chuckled and ran his fingers over Hans’s forehead to pull the stray hair away from his eyes, not noticing the redness that immediately ran up the face of the exhausted noble’s face.

 

…

Henry stood at the entrance to the tent where Erik was held. The flap was closed, concealing the view from outside, but he could still see the outline of a man chained to a chair.
Anger, disgust, hatred, bloodlust, and duty swam and grappled in Henry’s brain. He would get the information he needed out of this cocksucker and rescue Radzig.
He’d finally get the answers he needed to make this fucked up world make sense.

He walked inside, where no one but Erik awaited.

“I’ve been dreaming of this. How does the boot feel now that it’s on the other side?”

Erik cast his gaze downwards, squinting at Henry before smiling like a lunatic and spitting in his direction.

“Your ego seems to have grown since the last time I smashed your sides. Came to get your bite? Can’t quite pull down my braies with my hands like this, but I’m sure you know how to handle this!”
“I would suggest you change your tone to maybe make it out of this alive” - Henry walked towards Erik and grasped his short hair with his gauntlet - “But I’d be lying if I said I wanted that.”
“Fuck you.”
Henry pulled his left arm back and punched hard straight into Erik’s guts. The prisoner gasped hard for air, but his smile swiftly returned.
“Is that all? I’d have thought you learned a thing or two from me and Istvan by now, especially given how your ribs looked.”
“Ah, yes. You and your darling Istvan…”
Erik spat into Henry’s face, but he didn’t bother to wipe it off, spewing venom into his words instead.
“What are you doing in our region?”
“Isn’t it obvious? To destroy Sigismund’s whoreson enemies, like this shitty region!”
Henry loosened his grip on his hair, and Erik breathed with relief. The squire backed up a couple of steps before suddenly throwing a kick forward, straight into Erik’s lower abdomen with enough force to knock back the chair. Erik fell back with it, hitting his head on the ground. Henry crouched down to him and placed his hand on Erik’s face, forcing the force of his entire weight onto his prisoner's head.
“Bastard! If Istvan finds out what you’ve done, he’ll return Radzig and that bitch back to you fucked to death!”
“Oh? You think he holds you in such high regard? He’s holed up nice and cozy in Talmberg while you were left with the task of fighting us directly.” - Henry laughed with a hoarse voice - “ AND YOU FAILED! Couldn’t even do one simple thing your darling asked of you, would he want you back now?”
Hot tears of anger streamed down Erik’s face as he tried his best to fight back against Henry, but he was powerless under these binds, just like Henry was back in Vranik.
It felt so gratifying for the blacksmith’s boy.
“You have no idea what happens between me and Istvan. He will kill everyone in this camp to save me! And you, whoreson, won’t ever get to see your daddy again!”
“Why’s he so important to you? Who is he anyway?”
Erik breathed in to cool his nerves; maybe he had realized struggling was useless, that Henry still had a heart, unlike Istvan, and wouldn’t beat him without reason.
“An orphan, just like me. Turks killed his parents, he started killing Turks, Sigismund wants people like that in his service.” - He cast his gaze up at Henry, who stared daggers into him with an empty expression - “ You’d fit right in.”
Henry’s pupils narrowed as he punched Erik’s cheek without hesitation - “I’m nothing like you monsters! I don’t…”
“Don’t what? Kill people? Harm the innocents? Torture prisoners?” - a vile laugh escaped Erik again as Henry’s hands started shaking - “Istvan killed my parents, and they deserved it because they were weak! Men like us don’t get to want things; we take. You’ll understand sooner or later, whoreson.”
Henry grabbed the hair under his palm and brought up Erik’s face, only to slam it into the ground again. Erik grunted from pain, but his vile chuckle didn’t leave Henry’s ears.
“What? Are you going to do the same to me as you did to Runt?”
“How do you!?... Fuck this!” - Henry stood up and kicked Erik in the guts before turning to storm out of the tent.
“Istvan won’t trade hostages for me. He’s not a fool, he’ll gut you all to save me inste…”

Henry didn’t let him finish talking and stepped outside, the flap of the tent mostly muffling the yelling. Hanush, who had been waiting at the side of the tent, walked up to Henry without him realizing it, and clapped his hand on the blacksmith’s back.
“Sorry, Sir. I didn’t get as much out of him as I wanted.”
“You tried your best, lad. I could hear the shouting from out here. Did he say anything of value?”
“He… Toth is here to destroy Sigismund’s allies. This region was his current objective, it seems. Erik claims Toth won’t trade hostages for him, but he’s also clearly very valuable for the bastard, so we could still try…”
“Leave the strategizing to us, lad, you’ve earned a break. And check up on Hans, will you? He seems to be injured after the fight.”
“I’m just glad we made it in time.”
“Aye. The men told me he fought like a lion, even saved master Feifnar. I’m happy that he’s making a name for himself.”
Henry’s brows furrowed, mostly from surprise. It wasn’t often Hanush spoke fondly of Hans. Images of his friend, on the ground and close to death, flashed in Henry’s mind. If he had been just a few seconds late…
The fear brought by that anxiety was unlike what Henry was used to. If something happened to Hans, he knew he would never forgive himself.
Even if he could never express it.

…

Hans sat on top of his bedrolls with unfocused vision, trying his best to keep himself calm. He almost died and had to be saved by Henry.
Again.
It was frustrating, that feeling of being useless.
Henry rushed to the tent where they kept some prisoner before Hans could ask him for something…more.
And his noble pizzle wasn’t up for fun release after the near-death experience.
The tent flap was pushed to the side, and Henry walked inside with a groan.
“Henry! I’m so glad to see you.”
“Oh no, is something wrong?”
“What, no. I’m fine, I just didn’t get the chance to thank you.”
“Oh… right.”
There was an awkward silence between them that didn’t belong. They had just survived a dire battle together, yet some things were still eating at both of them.
It doesn’t belong.
“What happened with that prisoner? Did you find out what you wanted?”
“I don’t want to talk about it, Capon…”
“Ohhh, did he get under your skin? Come now, Henry, you’re tougher than that!”
“It’s not that… Maybe it is. You should take off your armor.”
Hans' eyes widened from surprise before he remembered to put on his charming smile.
“At least buy me dinner first.”
“I didn’t… not like that.” - Henry reached into his pack and brought out a sausage wrapped in thin cloth - “Will this suffice for my lordship?”
“Maybe…”
“I need to take a look at your injuries; there are no proper healers in this camp, and Hanush told me…”
“Hanush my ass” - Hans grinned and took the sausage from Henry’s hand - “You’re worried about me.”
“Of course I am…”
Hans coughed into his palm in an attempt to stifle his chuckle and pulled at his straps.
“Let me.”
“NO! I mean… I’ve got this. Take care of yourself, too.”
Henry nodded and turned around, pulling at his own straps. Hans sighed in relief, knowing he couldn’t handle another arousal from Henry’s kindness right now. Once both of their armors were off, Hans could finally breathe lightly after shedding all that weight. Henry seemed to share that sentiment as he stretched his body out and yawned, after which he turned his attention back to Hans.
“You’re staring.”
“You’re dripping with blood.”
“Oh… this is….”
Hans didn’t wait and reached into his pack, throwing a clean tunic at Henry.
“Thanks.”
Henry took off his bloody gambeson, unaware of Hans, who tried his best not to stare, and knelt at his chest, bringing out a few phials and bandages. He turned towards Hans, who sat on his bedroll without a tunic.
“Does any part of your body hurt?”
“Not really. I got hit on the head with a sword, but I had my helmet on.”
“I see… That’s lucky. Take this.”
Hans took the familiar painkiller potion and downed it all in one go. Henry shifted closer towards him and placed a palm on his forehead. The blood rushed to Hans’s head instantly.
“You might have a fever…”
Henry stroked his hand upwards and pulled back Hans’s hair to expose his forehead. With his left Hand, he grabbed a bandage and held it near Hans’s hand.
“Take that bottle there and spray some of the liquid on the bandage. It will help to prevent any aching.”
Hans usually would’ve verbally reprimanded his squire for giving him orders, but he didn’t have enough willpower to speak at the moment; instead, he obliged Henry and enjoyed the comfort of the shared silence.
Henry turned his back as soon as he was done with his task and lay on his bedroll. Hans could tell he was exhausted, and that there was something else gnawing at him. But as pathetic as it made him feel, he didn’t know what he could say to make it better.
“Hal?”
“Thank you…”
“...”
Henry turned on his side, facing Hans, who was still sitting up. He was quiet for a few seconds, but his eyes spoke everything they could’ve said. Love, loyalty, worry, relief…
“Anytime, my lord.”

Notes:

100k words. Whew, crazy, wow, i've been working on this for more than 2 months of this shitty summer already and i'm not even 50% done with the story I want to write for these 2 gay knights.
I am actively losing my mind.

I'm going to be out of town for around 3 weeks, up in the mountans and then the beach. I'll be working on this fic in my free time whenever I can but I can't promise fast updates. Kcd1 Should be finished in the next chapter 100% though.

as always thank you for reading, commenting, kudoing, lurking, whatever I love you all (˶⸃ ⴰ⸃˶)♡

Chapter 19: confused

Summary:

They took back Talmber, yet the victory couldn't feel any more hollow. Henry's chance at revenge slips right through his fingers, but maybe his chance won't take as long as he thinks.

Notes:

What's the difference between 3 weeks and 4 weeks? Not that much if you ask me, but sorry for the late chapter. I'm back home, mostly mentally stable and finally resinspired to continue working on this fic <3

Same bloody nightmare, painted in red.
Henry held a mace this time, smashing his way through waves of Cumans, still unable to save anyone that mattered…
But he didn’t feel the same pain as he always did, not anymore.
Had he grown accustomed to this? To the nightmare that never really goes away, to the horrors that haunt him religiously.
How much more could his soul lose before the devil himself came to collect?

Aulitz rode up to Martin and slashed at his back.

Henry froze, his swing stopping a breath away from a Cuman, who didn’t hesitate like the fool from Skalitz, and stabbed his sword through his guts. Henry couldn’t feel the pain, but his body reacted all the same, falling to his knees.

Henry’s Ma kneeled on top of Martin’s body, hugging him in desperation, of someone whose entire world was ruined within minutes. Multiple Cumans sliced at her, a defenceless woman who had done nothing but good in her life.

Henry stayed kneeling, glass-eyed, yelling at his soul to at least avoid his eyes, run away again, do something, not just stare. But this nightmare wouldn’t leave, it shouldn’t leave.

A yellow flash caught Henry’s gaze. It was new, fascinating, a clear contrast to his bloody past, a life that was slowly forgotten. Henry managed to turn his head, only to see an image that had started haunting him only recently.

Hans was on his knees, hands tied and blindfolded, while Istvan stood behind him, running Martin’s sword along the skin of his throat. Hans’s breath was hitched from fear and panic, tears streaming down through the blindfold as Istvan stopped measuring and pressed the blade against him.

Henry’s mind reeled in shock.
This wasn’t supposed to happen, this never happened, this would NEVER happen!
Hans was… he’s a noble; they can’t just kill him, put him down like a dog, like how Henry deserves…

“No!”

 

Henry’s mind regained control. He pushed the Cuman aside and sprinted, sword still in his guts, towards Capon.

“HANS!”

The noble turned his head toward the voice, but all he could respond with was a choked sound, drowning in his blood, just like when Henry found him gasping on the floor of Hans’s room after he was too stubborn to ask Henry for help.

Henry ran, step after step, the pain in his body ignored as the sword tore up more and more of his flesh.
Unimportant.
He had to get to Hans, he had to…

“I said, wake the fuck up!”
A splash, called, stingy, reeking of alcohol, that went up Henry’s nostrils and flavored his breath. Henry coughed from shock as his eyes flew open, looking around in a hurry for something, someone.

“Shh, you’re fine, Henry. I’m here, it’s okay.”

Henry turned his gaze forward and realized why he couldn’t see Hans.
Because his body was pressed tightly against his head.
Henry reached out, in desperation, in need, and wrapped his arms around Hans, just to feel him, to know it was real. He felt the dried tears on his cheeks, the sweat running down alongside them, but Hans didn’t mind either.
His tunic was soft, with a pattern that looked too expensive for Henry to even look at, but as he tried to pull back, he felt Hans’s arms around his own head, keeping him there.
“Hans, I’m fine…”
“Suuureee.”
“Let go, I don’t want to stain your clothes.”
“Once again, you start worrying about this stuff way too late, Hal.”
A silence fell between them as Hans loosened his grip and Henry pulled back. The noble looked down at him with eyes that would make the sky jealous. A glare that was focused solely on Henry.
“Sor-Thank you for waking me, I was having a…”
“A nightmare? I could tell. Jesus Hal, what does it take for you to sleep properly?”
“Hmmm, a miracle? Or a few certain people in a grave.”
“Sometimes you seem to rest just fine, then other times… I can’t even recount them all by now.”
“I guess you are a miracle of sorts… My lord.”
“You'd better think of me as one, peasant! Not many would bestow their squires with such graciousness.”
“Aye, I’ve never been woken with wine being splashed at my face.”
Hans’s face flushed a bit. He flicked Henry’s forehead and chuckled - “Don’t go mouthing off now, Henry, others might get jealous.”
“You can count on me, Sir!”
“Isn’t that perfect. Divish was calling for us, so I came to wake you and found you tossing and whimpering like a dog that should have been put down.”
“Hmm, thank you for the very graphic description.”
“It’s what I do best.”
Hans stood silent at the flap of the tent while Henry got dressed, and as soon as the squire put on the last piece of his armour, Hans spoke in a measured tone.
“The hostage exchange failed.”
“Wait, what? Have you already tried? I thought I would…”
“I tried to make them wait for you to wake, but Hanush and Divish have grown impatient, not that I can blame them; the longer this drags on, the higher the risk of more trouble in the region.”
“Is Radzig…”
“He’s alive. Toth showed him to us, and he seemed… Awfully chipper for someone in captivity.”
“Well, Sir Radzig… Father, is quite unpredictable.”
“That he is.”
“I just hate that that bastard Erik was right, that Toth wouldn’t exchange the hostages for him. But it makes no sense, they…”
Henry bit his tongue. He was about to blurt out their relationship, or what he suspected of it, out loud to Hans.
His friend seemed to have accepted Henry due to… reasons? But Henry wasn’t keen to find out what he thought about others like him…
Then a thought bubbled up in Henry’s mind, an abandoned thought he forgot to seek the answer for.
Why didn’t Hans mind? Why did he accept Henry back so easily?
“Hanush told me they were like father and son, but I don’t think a father would leave his son in captivity like this… Not that I’d know.”
“They’re… closer than that….”
“What do you mean, how much closer could they possibly… Oh.”
“Aye...”
“But that makes even less sense! If it were you… Or someone really important in that position, I wouldn’t stop at anything to get yo… that person back.”
Henry’s face flushed as he realized what Hans was barely holding back. He breathed in hard to contain his thoughts and tried his best to put on a blank expression.
“What they have seems to be a lot more… twisted than we can imagine.”
Despite everything, Henry felt a soft sense of… Pity. Pity for the poor bastard, who took pleasure in torturing him in Vranyk and taunting Henry yesterday.
Hans didn’t respond to that, instead stepping out of the tent and pointing his head in a gesture for Henry to follow.
…

Hans stood in front of Divish, in front of the Trebuchet, and Henry stood a step behind him like a shadow. It was disturbing and comforting at the same time, for Hans at least.

“I’m about to give the order to bombard Talmberg, and since it’s mainly thanks to you two that we still have a trebuchet, I think you should have the honor of making the first shot.”
Hans’s lips widened in happiness. After all, he had always dreamed of wielding such a magnificent weapon of war one day. But he couldn’t show himself to be happy in front of Divish, they were bombarding his castle after all. Before Hans could speak, the voice behind him spoke up.

“I’d be delighted!”
“To smash my castle? Can’t say I share the enthusiasm.”
“Sorry, sir, I didn’t mean it like that…”

Hans’s face flushed from the effort it took not to burst out laughing right then and there. He didn’t need to turn around to envision Henry’s face in that moment: head down, his spiky ears and slightly crooked nose instantly reddening from shame, his eyelashes making him look like he was on the verge of shameful tears.

“I apologize for my squire, Sir. He hasn’t managed to sleep well these past few weeks due to the siege.”
“It’s all right, Sir Hans, I don’t take much offence from youthful remarks.”
“Sorry, sires.” - Henry mumbled from behind, the tone indicating that he indeed held his head down in shame.
Divish coughed into his palm, an indicator to change the subject - “There’s not much to it, the men will load the trebuchet, all you have to do is pull the lever.”
Before Henry could blurt anything else out, Hans spoke up with a light tone - “I suppose we can manage that, thank you again, Sir Divish.”
“Afterwards, we’ll bomb Talmberg for several days,” Divish said, his brows tightening as he spoke, clearly unhappy about the fact. He looked at Hans with a strange expression and turned to walk away.
As the older noble walked away, Hans and Henry simultaneously looked at each other with a mischievous grin. Hans signed with his head towards the trebuchet that was being loaded, and Henry didn’t need words to understand the command. They walked over to it with feigned nonchalance.
“You should pull it, Hans. You defended it after all.”
“Nonsense, I only made it out alive because you came back in time. You should pull it, Henry!”
Henry looked at the lever that was waiting for its moment, then back up at Hans, who, despite displaying his gracious nature, still looked sad at the chance he was voluntarily missing out on.
Henry grabbed his hand without putting enough thought behind the action and placed it on the lever, pressing his own finger above the machine and the noble - “Let’s do it together then!”

Before Hans could protest, Henry pulled his hand down, and Hans automatically followed the force. They watched in awe as the trebuchet turned and slung the boulder towards the castle. The weight that was hardly movable by human force soared through the clear sky like a bird and crashed hard into Talmberg’s wall, taking down a piece of the front gate with it.

It was the coolest thing Henry had ever seen, since it didn’t land on a poor chicken this time. He turned to Hans in excitement, only to find the noble already staring at him, seemingly lost in thought. Henry’s ears slightly brightened. He couldn’t hold back his sheepish grin as he met Hans’s eyes, before looking away only a second later, unable to handle the heat that the noble conveyed, intentionally or not.

…
The trebuchet would need a few days to fully break through the castle walls. The sound of the boulders periodically crashing into the barricades became a constant rhythm on the battlefield, much to the dismay of some soldiers. Henry had gone out into the forest to gather herbs required for sleeping potions. He knelt in the grass to pick at his intended target when suddenly, a loud crack echoed through the forest.
“SAKRA! I’ve really done my back in!”
Behind him, a cackling sound approached slowly before golden hair came in and out of Henry’s vision. Hans stood behind him and brought his hand onto Henry’s back, rubbing his knuckles with rough strength against the squire’s muscle.
“What are you, Hal, an old man? You’ve been spending too much time with Divish and Robard.”
“I’ve been spending too much time fulfilling their requests… You could always help with the picking, you know.”
“Nonsense, I’m a nobleman, such tasks are beneath me!”
“It’s getting really hard to track what is and isn’t below your station, my lord.”
“Simple! If I help out, you better be grateful, that’s all you need to remember.”
As he said that, he shifted his knuckles into the seam below Henry’s shoulder, massaging muscles on the back that Henry didn’t even know existed.
“Kurva, that’s good. Where the hell did you learn that?”
“You’d be amazed, my dear squire, with the many ways I can satisfy a wench! This is just one of them.”
Henry pulled forward before Hans let go of his grip on him, forcing himself free from the noble. He stretched his arms out and straightened his back without looking back at Hans, a few cracks echoing through the woods again.
“Thanks…” - his voice came out hoarser than he expected, trying to bite back choking venom. Hans faked a cough into his palm to get Henry’s attention, but the squire didn’t turn around.
“Henry, I didn’t mean it like…”
“It’s fine…”
“Riiight… Do you want to go back?”
“You go ahead, I’ll need a little bit.”
Hans didn’t respond, immediately fading into the background out of Henry’s hearing.
He looked up at the sky in frustration and anger, trying to contain the storm raging in his mind. Yet another time, he lost his temper with Hans, for something stupid… Why did Hans let him get away with it? What game was he playing?

Can things ever feel normal between them?

…

 

Hans stepped back into the treeline before Henry reconsidered and blew up in his face. Despite his crude comment, his friend didn’t retaliate or yell…
It felt off for Hans.
Hans, whose guardian seemed to be able to blow up at any given moment.
‘No, I’m a nobleman damn it. I should be able to say what I want!’
Another voice in him spoke back against himself without a moment wasted.

‘So what? He’s your friend, your only friend! If you don’t control yourself, you’ll push him away.’
‘He could use some discipline, too!’
‘Don’t push your luck, Capon. You don’t want him to leave you, right? Like your mother…’
Hans froze mid-step, his own thoughts bringing up part of himself that had been locked tight for almost a decade now.

It was all too much.
Henry was too much.
He wanted to scream, cry, beg, understand, and dissect.
Nobles didn’t have such luxuries. They don’t get to befriend their subjects or spend time in their company without certain barriers being erected between them.
Barriers Henry wasn’t aware of at the start, and Hans liked that, but Henry was now building them himself.
And Hans couldn’t blame him, no matter how much he hated it.
All because he was a coward, because he couldn’t do anything but lock another part of himself that had complicated feelings for Henry deep into his heart.
His real self, which didn’t have a place in the world.

“Everything alright, Sir Hans?”
Hans snapped out of his spiral, looking up in surprise at Divish, who was leaning against a tree and staring at him with that strange look again, like he could read Hans’s worries.
“Sir Divish… Sorry, I didn’t expect to see you here.” - Hans immediately straightened his back, tilted his head up, and put on his charming smile - “Did you need something?”
Divish chuckled at the noble display of etiquette, then raised his hand in a calming gesture - “Don’t worry, I just wanted to have a word with you.”
“Me?” - Hans shifted uncomfortably without breaking his posture, digging his heel into the dirt beneath me - “Have I caused any trouble?”
“On the contrary, you and your Henry have been nothing but helpful this whole time…”

‘My Henry?’

“But I noticed you two have been acting a little strange, thought you could use a shoulder to lean on, given how much you’ve aided me, Hans.”

Hans raised his brows in confusion, unable to comprehend what exactly the elder noble wanted from him… or for him.

“Maybe. I don’t know. I’ve grown closer to him than I expected to, and I don’t really know…”
“How to balance the friendship with your duties?”
“Aye… Something like that.”

Divish sighed and looked at the sky with a mysterious gaze, like decades of his story were running past him in the blink of an eye. He focused his gaze back down at Hans, who was unintentionally staring, wary of the noble’s every move.

“I’ll be honest with you, Sir Hans. It’s not easy.”
“Aye, I could have guessed as much.”
“But your Henry is special. He has blue blood in him, so no matter how close you wanted to keep that person who sees the true you… He could afford to stay there if he chose to.”
“So being friends with a noble…”
“It always comes with a price. But if you’re honest with him, he’ll understand. And if you’re a good friend, he’ll stick around.”
“Like Robard?”
“Perhaps. He has proven to be my closest…. friend, through the decades of hardship. I couldn’t have asked for anyone better.”
“I think of Henry the same…”
“I could tell. Be honest with him, Sir Hans. You can’t control your friends, and you don’t want to.”
Hans kept his composure on the outside, but his head was a mess on the inside. Of course. Whatever happened, he couldn’t choose for Henry. He didn’t want to. No matter what, he wanted to keep the feeling that Henry gave him alive.

‘But hadn’t Henry already chosen?’

Feeling of something real.
Whether it’s friendship or something more, something unspoken.
What Henry had written about in secret…

Audentes Fortuna Iuvat!

…

The armor that Hans had gifted him squeezed tight against Henry. The colours of Rattay that protected him choked him that morning as every man gathered for the final stretch of the siege.
Henry shifted on his heels, trying to look around for a familiar face, but was quickly lost in the wave of people he vaguely recognized.
Suddenly, he felt a light tap on his left shoulder, but when he turned around, no one was there. There was another tap, this time on his right. Henry reacted quickly this time, turning around in a swift motion and lightly hitting the person behind him with his elbow.
“Sakra, careful, Hal, you’re going to hurt someone!”
“Hans! I was looking for you…”
“Looking for me, were you? Where have you been? I waited up all night for you to come back to our tent.”
“You didn’t have to…I needed some time for myself. Sorry if our tent felt empty.”
Hans sighed with exaggerated tone and placed his palms on Henry’s shoulders, uncaring for the soldiers who could have chosen to interpret it in detrimental ways.

“Listen, Henry. I owe you an apology…”

“No, you don’t, I was just being…”

“Let me finish. I’ve been out of line in our… friendship, so have you, but… after all this is over and Istvan swings from the gallows, everything can go back to normal… we can go back to normal and just be the friends we started as on that day of the hunt.”

Henry swallowed hard, trying to comprehend what Hans was telling him. Normal? Was any of it normal? Did Hans consider him normal?
Could anything ever be normal for Henry?
Did he even deserve it?

When he was younger, he thought that being able to escape Skalitz would mean he could truly be himself, be free, and have all the choices in the world…
Yet he had never felt so lost as when he saw the price for the choices he had always craved.
Would being close to Hans cost him the freedom that came with the bloodshed of his home?

“As you say, Sir Hans…”

 

…

 

“Keep pushing forward!”

Henry parried the sword aimed at him, making his opponent stumble forward past his right side as Hans drove his longsword into his guts. The man screamed once before crumbling to the ground. A few of their comrades ran ahead of them, engaging the small number of enemies before they could get to Hans. The sound of the gate crashing down echoed through the battlements as the roar of soldiers poured into the courtyard.

Istvan’s men never stood a chance as the last of them had a sword driven through his guts in the courtyard. Hans and Henry ran down to meet the nobles and Robard. Hanush roared with a laugh of victory before slamming his hand on Hans’s back in celebration, then he turned his head up at the castle where Istvan was holed up with the hostages.

“Let’s see if Istvan can worm his way out of this one.”
“Don’t tempt fate, Hanush.”
Henry stood behind Hans, a step behind the nobles, where his place was. They had won, but it still felt… off.
Was it too easy? Or did he overcomplicate everything in his mind?
As Hanush yelled something up at the castle to get Istvan’s attention, Hans turned around to look at Henry. The noble realized that his squire’s mind was spiraling again, but he couldn’t afford that to happen right now. Hans jokingly knocked on Henry’s bascinet and lifted the visor that Henry didn’t even realize he still had on.
“Anyone home?”
“What? Knock it off, Cap… Sir Hans.”
“Aye, aye. Just be wary, my squire, it’s not over yet.”
Oh…
Henry looked up at where everyone else was staring, and his eyes instantly narrowed with anger, his temper already flaring like a volcano about to erupt any second, just from a glimpse of Istvan.

“I wouldn’t advise that if Sir Divish wants to see his wife alive again.”
That bastard still spoke like he held the advantage, like no one else had a brain in this stupid game. Henry would fly up there and push him down that window himself if he could.

“And Sir Radzig? Are both hostages unharmed?”
“For now, Hanush. Unless circumstances change.”

Henry’s breath grew quicker. Radzig, of course, he had to get Radzig out somehow. He was still trapped with that vermin. He turned his head, trying to look for a way he could sneak up to Istvan and gut him right there.
The sound of something dragging against the ground caught his attention, and he saw Erik, who looked exhausted, being carried by two men. There was a noticeable scar under his chin that had yet to heal, courtesy of Henry. The squire grimaced as the echo of Erik’s vile laughter ran through his ears again.

Hanush yelled something up at Istvan, and the bastard yelled back, but Henry was too distracted to comprehend it. He stared at Erik, who had become nothing but a bargaining chip, his love for Istvan nothing but a weakness for Hanush and Divish to exploit. There was still pride in how he held his gaze, not one of a noble, but of an animal that has earned its place in the kingdom where survival of the fittest wasn’t always the law.

Where he has convinced himself that Istvan loved him.

“If you release Lady Stephanie and Sir Radzig, you may leave the castle with your men and go on your way unharmed!”

 

WHAT!?

Henry finally broke his gaze, which had been fixated on Erik, and immediately turned towards Hanush.

‘He’s going to let the bastard go!? After everything?’

Henry took a step forward, bumping shoulders with Hans, who had been silent until now. Right before Henry could step into Hanush’s view to protest, he felt a hand on his shoulder pull him back. The squire turned around to see his lord shaking his head with a warning. Henry tried to slip free from his grasp, pulling his shoulder back aggressively, but Hans held on tight, eyes filled not with anger, but care for Henry, and for Henry not to get in trouble here.

As much as Henry hated it, he knew Hans was right. That Hanush was doing the right thing.

Radzig’s life was more important than his thirst for revenge in everyone’s eyes.

…

Hanush yelled out for the men to get horses ready for Toth and his men. The bastard was going to take Radzig with him as a failsafe and drop him off at Skalitz. Henry still couldn’t believe this was happening, after everything…
Or that Hans was still holding onto him. As soon as the men scattered, Henry broke free of his lord’s grasp and turned towards Hanush.
“Sir, are you really going to let them go?”
“My word is my bond, Henry!”
Henry’s jaw fell agape, but he couldn’t even find the words to express his frustration at how ridiculous this was. Luckily for him, his friend seemed to be on his side, despite stopping him earlier.
“He’s a cutthroat and a liar, good men are dead because of him! What’s to stop us from skewering him as soon as he sets foot outside of the castle?”
“Our honour!”

Hans exhaled in loud annoyance and turned towards Henry, rolling his eyes at the squire, hinting that it was his turn.

“If you let him go, he will do the same, or worse! What if he repeats what happened in Skalitz?”
“God’s justice will find them! And he won’t be our problem anymore!”
Henry scoffed. If only God were so just.
“Never fear, Henry. Your father will be alright.”

‘It’s not about that…’ - Henry thought to himself. He hated that he didn’t care about Radzig’s safety as much as he should have, but deep down, he knew, until Toth was buried in the ground, his soul wouldn’t know peace.

Toth and two men walked out of the castle, both of the grunts holding Stephanie and Radzig with their hands behind their backs. Hanush waved his hands, and his men loosened their grips on Erik, who immediately pushed them off and jogged towards Istvan. Toth nodded at one of the men, and he let go of Stephanie, who also ran towards Divish. The older noble embraced her and whispered reassurances into her ears. Radzig held his head high, befitting someone of his status, despite still being a hostage for the enemy that burned his home as well. He looked at Henry, only once, only for a second, but his gaze wasn’t returned with what he hoped.
Henry wasn’t interested in either of them.
His gaze was solely fixed on what hung at Istvan’s hips.
“My apologies for keeping you from your father for so long, but you’ll see each other soon enough.”
The man smirked and mockingly held the grip of the last sword that Henry and Martin had forged together. If Henry had managed to keep his fire steady this whole time, it definitely would have erupted right then and there if Hans hadn’t grabbed onto his shoulder again. Henry shook his torso, making the noble’s grasp slip, but he didn’t move.

Istvan half unsheathed the blade and smirked at Henry, who breathed heavy on the spot, like a bull that could be let loose any second.
“I almost forgot! I expect you’ll want it back after all the trouble you went to?”
Henry’s gaze was still frozen on the hilt with the Latin inscription he still couldn’t understand.
“Actually, you know what? I think I’ll keep it, as a memento.”
His body moved before he could think, stepping forward while unsheathing his own sword, but Hans and Robard were quick to grab him and pull him back. Henry pushed with the force of an angered beast and slipped one hand free, pointing it at Istvan.
“This isn't over, I’ll find you! I’LL GUT YOU WITH THAT FUCKING SWORD!”
“I look forward to it.”
…

As the bastard and his men left the castle walls on horseback, Robard stopped holding back Henry, and he fell to his knees, punching the ground and spiraling in anger, but Hans still held on and pulled at his arm to get him up.
“Come on, we have to see which way they’re going!”
Henry couldn’t think properly anymore, but he knew that Hans was right. He immediately stood up and ran up the ramparts with his friends, only to barely catch a glimpse of Istvan fleeing towards Skalitz like he had promised.
“Let’s chase them!”
“But Hans, Toth said if we followed him…”
“We’re not going to follow them, we’re just going to collect your father. Or do you want him to walk back here when they release him?”
Henry shook his head and watched in awe as Hans ran down ahead of him.
Leadership suited him, especially when Henry felt so lost.
Before Henry even went down himself, Hans had already gathered a small crew to follow them along. Apparently, they often escorted the nobles of Leipa when they’d travel past their region. As Henry ran up to his horse, one of the men, the oldest of the crew by the look of him, stared at him with a curious expression, but Henry paid him no mind. He hadn’t even properly finished mounting up on Pebbles as he struck his left foot on her side and got her to start moving. Hans kept the pace next to him as their horses sprinted as fast as they could, the retinue following a few meters behind.

This didn’t feel like victory at all. After all that had happened, Henry couldn’t even get his revenge…
“Hal! Pay attention or you’ll fall off your horse!”
Henry barely looked up in time to see a branch that would’ve collided with his face if he had been a second too late. As he ducked under it, he heard Hans’s laughter, uncaring for the company just a little behind them.
“Jesus Christ, Hal. What are you thinking so hard about?”
Too many things to pick from.
“What do I say to him?”
“To Radzig? Don’t worry, it’ll come to you, you’ll see.”
“Well… I just hope he’ll be there… Alive.”
Hans glanced over at him for a few seconds before looking forward at the road again.
“Do you think Toth will keep his word?”
Henry didn’t think so.
“He’s a noble, right?”
“Yeessss… So am I…”
“Sir Radzig will be there!”
They rode for a few minutes in silence again. Hans kept his eyes focused on the dirt path, making sure that the footprints were still visible from Toth’s company and they didn’t deviate from their word of honor.
“This is quite a turnaround, isn’t it?”
“What do you mean, Hans?”
“We’ve known each other for only a few months. Before that, I was always busy chasing wenches, and you were busy digging turnips… Now look at us. We’re seasoned veterans by now!”
Henry couldn’t hold back a small chuckle, and Hans didn’t miss that, but he chose not to comment.
“I was an apprentice blacksmith, you know, not a turnip digger.”
“Same difference, you silly bugger. I have yet to see you at the blacksmith’s forge.”
Henry nearly froze from the realization that he hadn’t even thought about it. His biggest connection with his father, aside from the sword that Istvan now possessed… He had continued the alchemy that was dear to him, that reminded him of his Ma, but the forge, where Martin didn’t judge or nag him, but treated him with respect and taught patiently…
“I think I felt like… my Pa wouldn’t approve of everything I’ve done so far…”
“Nonsense, the parents’ role isn’t to control your decisions, it’s to believe in your child and support them, no matter what!”
Henry looked at Hans, who kept staring forward, seemingly at the road, but Henry could read in his expression that he was thinking about something else.
Right… Hans’s parents weren’t around anymore, and every time Henry asked about them, Hans always changed the subject…
“Thank you, Hans… What will you do now that this is over?”
“Not long ago, I’d only plan ahead for 3 days at most, but now… You’ve helped me realize I want to do something more for Rattay and its people, something big. But we’ll come up with that once this is actually over and we’re home, right, Henry?”
“As you wish, my lord.”
Hans laughed a little too loudly, but suddenly stopped his horse and raised his hand. Henry and the retinue stood behind him while Hans looked around. Henry looked around as well and nearly broke out in tears right there.
He knew this mount, these fields, this forest.
He was home again… Where he hadn’t gone back since that day.
He felt guilt punch against his ribcage from the inside.
“There’s no sign of them, let's keep moving!”
Pebbles followed the others before Henry even pulled her reins. He looked through his tear-stained vision in the direction where Skalitz would show up any second, but a shout from Hans broke him out of his trance again.
“There!” - He pointed at the middle of the field where a man was walking slowly through the grass. Everyone rode up to Radzig in a hurry. Henry kept a little distance behind Hans, who approached the noble first.
“I’m glad Toth kept his word, Sir.”
“Not half as glad as I am, your grace.”
“Well, we kept our word, too. Now, he’s had his head start and he’s fair game, so which way did he go?”
“To the north, but I’d advise you to be careful.”
“Nonsense, I have twice as many men as he.” - Hans looked over at Henry, who had dismounted and slowly approached his lord - “Well, I won’t keep you two any longer, I’m sure you have a lot to say to each other.”
Henry looked up at Hans with a thankful smile, and the lord returned it. He looked the prettiest he had ever looked in Henry’s eyes…
He turned around and ordered his retinue to follow him. The horses kicked up dust as they sprinted at full speed to the north. Henry wanted to follow them, to catch Istvan before he got away, but he knew there were slim chances of catching up to them, and Radzig shouldn’t have been left alone on foot.
“Are you all right, father?”
“I am, although they took my horse, so I’ll have to go back on foot.”
As he said that, he reached his arm towards the edge of the hill and slowly walked in that direction. Henry followed behind him, trying to prepare his heart for what he was about to see.
For a few seconds, He could still smell the burning, the blood, he could hear the screams of the people as they were slaughtered, he could see the disfigured bodies of the people he grew up with…
But as he blinked, all of it was gone, and in the distance stood Skalitz. Charred, empty, and barren, but it was there, it was real. No matter how damaged it was, it still marked the place Henry once called home.
Home that Henry hadn’t visited since that day.
He wanted to see his parents at least.
Radzig turned to look at Henry and nodded, as if he could read his son’s mind. Henry matched pace with him, walking side by side in awkward silence. As they descended the hill, Henry recognised the road that led up from the mill, where he had saved Theresa, to the forge.
“It looks like it’s all over…”
“Not by a long shot, son… It won’t be truly over until we get this mess cleared up.”
“And catch that bastard… How could we let him go?”
Radzig bumped his shoulder playfully - “Would you rather we kill him, even if it meant me and Lady Stephanie would die too?”
Deep down, Henry didn’t know.
“No, of course not. But what was stopping us from killing him after the exchange?”
“Honour.”
“Honour?”
Honour wouldn’t avenge his parents, wouldn’t undo every vile thing that bastard had done, wouldn’t serve out justice!
“Istvan would’ve never agreed to the exchange if a noble’s word of honour didn’t matter.”
Henry huffed a spiteful laugh under his breath - “and where’s the honour in abandoning your son?”
“Hmm… You know how it is… We were young - it happened, and I couldn’t marry a commoner.”
Henry turned his head to avoid Radzig’s burning gaze.
“Then your father… Martin came along and took care of both of you.”
“He knew it?”
“What? That I was your father? Certainly. He was a great man, and he took you as his own. And I always kept an eye on you. Of that you can be sure.”
“Sorry, sir… Father. But it didn’t feel like it, especially after that day… it felt like you were avoiding me more than keeping an eye on me.”
Radzig sighed and raised his hand to his face. Henry didn’t want to assume, but it looked like he was wiping away tears from his eyes…
“I know. And I’m sorry. It’s hard for me sometimes… I still loved her, after everything. And you, Hal…” - Radzig placed a hand on Henry’s shoulders and finally, properly, looked into his eyes - “You remind me of her, so much…”
“I’m sorry. I guess I didn’t think that… that you’d be hurting too.”
“We all are. But you’re right, I should’ve been better… I hope you can give me the chance one day.”
“One day…”

Before Henry realized it, they were at the gate that led to the castle and further back, his old home…
Both had long been burnt down, but, surprisingly, the Linden tree still stood tall and proud, and beneath it, two stone crosses stood in the ground, marking the place where Theresa had buried Henry’s parents.
Henry sank to his knees in front of them, and Radzig placed a hand on his back in comfort… But Henry didn’t need it. Somehow, someway, he didn’t feel what he imagined he would at this moment. That crushing sadness that constantly weighed on him wasn’t there for once. Instead, all he could feel, all he could remember, was the love that he never lacked from his parents.
Every happy memory. Every morning spent picking herbs and brewing potions. Every hot afternoon spent hammering away at steel as Martin gave him instructions and praise. Every cold winter evening, when a small crowd would gather around the forge for its heat, sometimes even lord Radzig amongst them.

“I’m sorry for not coming back sooner, Ma, Pa.”
“Your parents were great people, Hal.”
“I still know so little about them…”
“Martin told you nothing?”
Henry stayed quiet, unable to remember any details of Martin’s past he might have heard, and he shook his head.
“Oddly enough, you’re a lot like him. When he was around your age, he became bored with his trade and set out to see the world. He lived through many adventures, and he even fought in a war.”
“A war!?”
“Yes, in Poland, I believe. And I don’t think he cared much for it.”
“That’s why he wanted me to stay at home.”
“He spent some time in Prague… Then settled in Kuttenberg, but it seems he quarreled with someone there and finally ended up here. You know the rest.”
Henry couldn’t believe it for a split second, but then he remembered the final day he spent with Martin, how his father explained his thoughts about Wenceslaus and Sigismund, and how he expressed what he wished for Henry was nothing but a life free of trouble.”
“I loved them… I still do. But I always felt like I didn’t belong.”
“Is that why you always wished to travel through the world?”
“Something like that…”
“Perhaps it’s in your blood.”
Henry laughed to himself, mixed with spite and regret.
“I lost the one thing I had left from him… Your sword.”
“Ah, the sword… It’s not mine, Henry, it’s yours…”
“I was so close to getting it back.”
“Oh well, I’m sure you’ll get your chance again, son. Trust me when I say this, this business with Istvan is nowhere near over.”
“It's a chance I’ll gladly welcome. Not just for the sword, but to gut that bastard too.”
“Hal…”
“And after him, I’ll find that German whoreson whotorched Skalitz and I’ll slay him with it!”
Radzig sighed with a hint of disappointment.
“I’ll never forget his face, or his name - Markvart Von Aulitz.”
“Those are noble intentions, son. But, don’t forget, there are other things in this world worth living for.”
“Yeah? Like what?”
Henry looked up, away from Radzig, and noticed that the Lindel tree, despite still standing strong, had started to wither at the top. Soon enough, it’d entirely succumb to rot and time.”
“Look around you! Blue skies overhead, green grass underfoot, beautiful girls, good wine, a few good friends, and a fine steed under your backside!” - Radzig pointed his arm at the small sprouts of linden that had started growing from the ashes and rot of the older, much bigger tree, and his voice softened - “those are things worth living for, to help you keep their memory alive…”
“But…”
“I agree with you, the bastard who killed your mother deserves to pay for what he did… But” - he slapped Henry’s back in a comforting gesture - “It’s better not to dwell too much on revenge at the cost of other things, or you’ll rot away like this old tree, instead of finding purpose again, like these sproutlings.”
Henry laughed quietly at the metaphor and nodded his head. He knew Radzig was right, but it’d be easier said than done…
No reason not to try.
“He didn’t want me fighting… Now look at me.
“Standing up to evil isn’t the same as sowing the seeds. Your parents would be proud of you, and you’ll prove it, over and over… I’m sure of it, son.”

 

…
As Henry approached his room in lower Pirkstein, he saw a blond knight in noble armor walking towards him. He tried to hold back a smile and opened the door, but waited for his friend to catch up.
“Hal, aren’t you going to the meeting with Margrave Jobst?”
“I am, Radzig just told me to get properly dressed… What about you? I assume…”
“That we didn’t catch him? No, because if we had, trust me, you’d be the first one to know. We only managed to get the other guy that accompanied him, but he and his… captain got away.”
“I see… I’m just glad you’re alright.”
Hans smiled teasingly and leaned sideways onto the room’s wall while slightly tilting his head - “Have no fear, we’ll catch him eventually.”
“I hope you’re right…”
“Anyway, Radzig told you to get dressed up and you came to your room!?”
“What’s wrong with that?”
“Oh, Henry, Henry, Henry. You know I love you, but your wardrobe is unfitting of someone who’s now representing his noble blood now.”
“What?”
“Didn’t you realize? If Radzig asked you to attend, that means he’s acknowledging out loud that you’re his son.”
“But I’m not a noble… I’m a bastard.”
“Maybe, you won’t get full noble privileges, but you do get some, along with responsibility, which means….”
“That I’ve got to stand there and look pretty?”
“Pretty respectable! Just come to my room, the meeting is starting soon.”
…

 

Henry and Hans walked down to the meeting room, where their guardians, alongside Margrave Jobst, the cousin of their king, were having a discussion, but that was the last thing on their minds as Hans chuckled in disbelief when Henry told him what Radzig had told him.
“So your dad had an affair with your Ma? Can’t believe I never heard of this scandal!”
“You? I can’t believe I never heard about it! That explains why everyone would always look at me weirdly in Skalitz… I always thought it was because of… You know.”
“Well, it wasn’t, aren’t you glad now?”
“Not really, I’m sure they’re still cursing me from heaven at this point.”
“Well, they can kiss your hairy arse! You’ve done more good than most people in this region!”
“Quiet, Hans, please, I don’t want people to…”
“I know, I know. Sorry.”
As Henry reached for the door to the room where the nobles were talking, Hans held onto his sleeve and pulled him back. Before Henry could question it, Hans tugged at his collar and fixed it, then ran his hand through Henry’s hair, which Hans had just freshly cut in a hurry. He ran his other hand along Henry’s neck, checking his now freshly shaven face. Henry couldn’t help but cough to remind Hans that they were supposed to be keeping some sort of distance from each other, though the lines were blurring faster and faster every time they tried drawing them out.

“You look respectable enough, can’t have my squire looking like a vagabond in front of royalty.”
Henry had to look away to contain his expression, but a sheepish grin still escaped him. Hans smiled back and pushed the door open.

 

…

 

Turns out Henry didn’t suddenly grow a sense of politics just because he found out his true lineage. Everyone looked at the Margrave Jobst and his acquaintance, John of Lichtenstein, as they spoke this and that about the political affairs of Bohemia.

In a sense, Henry thought that it would all be over after he’d sent Istvan running with his tail between his legs. How easy it was to forget the true scale of the games Nobles play. Even Radzig and Hanush, who were the highest authorities Henry had seen in his peasant life, talked like they knew they were nothing but a small fraction, a simple pawn on a massive chessboard.

 

They critiqued the kings, some details about them, and Henry already knew from Martin. It seems his Pa really had more to him than Henry gave him credit for. Hans was leaning forward onto the table and listening very carefully with unusual focus in his eyes.

It suited him, in a way. The stray hair on his forehead, the furrowed brows, eyes lost in thought as the game plan was being drawn by the nobles. Henry had lost his understanding minutes ago already. All he could do now was stare at Hans and not look confused. Maybe Hans would explain everything to him later…

“WE HAVE TO PUT A STOP TO THIS SENSELESS WAR!”
Jobst slammed his hands on the table and spoke out loud, shutting up both Radzig and Hanush. Henry looked over at Hans again, who seemed to be focused like a cat, waiting for a perfect opportunity to catch its target.

“And do you know, Sir, what the position of the League of Lords is?”
“I’m not quite on the best of terms with them, so you’ll have to ask them yourself.”

As Henry blinked to try and remember what they were arguing about now, he saw Hans’s eyes light up and a smile run across his face as he spoke up with excitement - “Yes! Why not? I’ll go and visit Bergow at his castle and we’ll see what he tells me!”
A brief silence fell on the room as the older nobles started considering what Hans just said. Henry looked over at him with awe, but felt a burning gaze on him and quickly turned forward to see John of Lichtestein staring directly at him with squinted eyes. It was that sort of gaze that made Henry uncomfortable, like they were reading into his soul.
“That’s… not a bad idea, young sir!” - Jobst broke the silence first, and Radzig nodded at his words.
“True, but a little risky.”
“I doubt Bergow would harm a blue-blooded envoy.” - Hanush slapped his hand on Hans’s back in a form of encouragement - “and you can find out what he has to say about developments and what the league is planning! Then we’ll decide what to do next!”
“I’d like Henry to come with me.”
Henry, having just heard his name, finally snapped out of the hypnotizing eye contact with John and looked up at Hans with a hint of confusion in his eyes, but his friend’s smile was all the reassurance he needed.
He’d do anything to see Hans smile so genuinely.

“Why not? My son has proven to be quite the investigator, and he’ll make a good bodyguard for Sir Hans should anything go wrong.”

Jobst clasped his hands in celebration - “Excellent, I’ll help you draft the letter, and I’ll send Sir John here to Kuttenberg to be my eyes and ears there. I believe both your reports will help us get a better grip on the situation.”
Henry looked back another time at John, who only gave a small smile back to him. Something about him was disturbing to Henry. It didn’t tick him off or set off his alarms, but still made him feel… defenceless.
Like he knew…

…
Henry had to rush since Hans was already waiting for him at the meeting spot, but he had to see Theresa before he went away for so long. The guilt of not letting her know before disappearing into the monastery still hadn’t quite left him.

“So how long will you be gone?”
“If everything goes well, a week or so. If not…”
“Don’t say it like that. It’s just a letter, right?”
As she said that, she gently grabbed Henry’s hand and slowly rubbed her finger on his palm. Henry could feel the worry emanating from her body, but he didn’t know how to handle it exactly.
“Tess…”
“Just promise to come back, alright? I can’t lose you, too, Hal.”
“Aye… of course, I promise.”
Theresa sniffed and wiped at her eyes, despite no tears having graced her cheeks - “And take Mutt with you, I’ll feel safer for it.”
“Are you sure? Don’t you need…”
“I’ll be fine, Hal, just promise to bring him back.”

…
When Pebbles turned to the right up a dirt path, Henry saw on the side an armored noble lying across the grass and staring at the blue sky. He raised his head at the sound of someone approaching and immediately put it back down when he saw it was Henry.
“You took your sweet time getting ready… though not as much as our damn retinue, what the fuck are they doing for this long?”
“More like you’re too eager, Sir.”
“Oh, drop it. You know how long I’ve wanted to leave this god forsaken region.”
Henry stepped close and above him and looked down at the noble with a smile, which Hans returned.
“I’m still not sure why we’re going to Trotsky.”
“Jesus Christ, did you not pay attention at the meeting?”
“I got lost about 2 minutes into them complaining about the kings.”
“Right, I suppose you would.”
Henry lightly kicked Hans’s shoulder - “Hey! What’s that supposed to mean!?”
“It means, my dear buffoon of a squire…”
“And a bodyguard!”
“Sure. Buffoon of a bodyguard, you still have a lot more to learn. Although…” - Hans paused for a second and sat up with straightened back - “You didn’t look like an idiot at the meeting at least, so that was something. Even if you kept staring.”
Henry lost his tongue. He didn’t think Hans noticed, or if he did, that he would comment on it. The noble stood up and stepped in front of Henry, maybe a bit close for comfort, especially when Hans knew what Henry was like…

Just what Henry wanted to do to him in that moment.

“Look, Henry. You’ve got to control yourself or this…”

Push him.
Kiss him.
Back away from him.
Kiss him.
Deny.
Kiss him.
Do something!

 

“Or our friendship can’t last…”

Oh…

Henry stepped back once.

“I’m sorry if I’ve… taken advantage of your feelings, Hal, but…”

Henry took another step back.

“But I’m not like you… I was… confused.”

Henry could’ve sworn he went blind for a second there. Last thing he expected here, now, was Hans to finally acknowledge something unspeakable between them, only to deny everything that it meant, for both of them. He looked into Hans’s eyes, trying to detect a hint of… something, but all that met him was that practiced noble smile and confidence that was near impossible to crack at times like these.

“Right. No. I know, Hans… I’m sorry I…”

Hans awkwardly coughed into his palm and tried to laugh it off while stretching his body. Henry could hear the horses of the retinue approaching fast, but he was a little too dazed to care. Hans tapped him on the shoulder.

“Let’s just enjoy being able to get away from home for a bit, alright?”

Right, enjoy the freedom Henry had earned.
“Aye, Sir Hans…”

 

Even if it tasted like shit.

Notes:

Did I make Hans too much of an evil bisexual? It's not his fault, okay, he has... reasons.
Anyway, I'm finally done with the kcd1 part of this, and I have so much more planned for kcd2. Actually, 80% of my notes and ideas are for kcd2, so I've been improvising most of everything so far D: . Will I still be improvising? Probably, I'm not a very stable person but at least I'll be more inspired. What a journey it has been so far, but nowhere near done. Thank you for reading so far. I hope you don't hate me for slow-burning this too long, but hey, that's what I like, and that's what we'll get. They'll kiss sloppy one day... someday.
Maybe by New Year's?
I once said I'd finish this fic before the end of summer. How foolish I was to underestimate my aspirations and ADHD

Notes:

Rapid fire excuses: It's my first fic, English is not my first language, I also don't respect this language. The first chapter is a setup for Henry before he met Hans, it felt long and short at the same time while writing it, but i had to do it to characterize Henry better. This will be a long journey of a fic, i plan to go post kcd2 game and maybe to the VERY end. We'll see, THANK YOU FOR READING.