Parrot_Assbutt
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Recent works
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Summary
Scenes from the mind of Sammy Lawrence, in debatable order. Disjointed and nonsensical as the song of radio static.
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Day 3 of Writing Stupid Ideas Until Insurance Approves My Medication And I Am Allowed To Focus On Longer Works Once Again by Parrot_Assbutt
Fandoms: The Owl House (Cartoon)
06 Nov 2022
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Summary
What if "Thanks to Them" had ended differently?
What if Hunter had dealt with the Belos threat more directly?Alternate title: Gus is Right, We Should Microwave the Belos Slime
Series
- Part 5 of Crack In A Bag
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Day 2 of Catboying Perfectly Good Men Until My ADHD Gets Back to Manageable Levels by Parrot_Assbutt
Fandoms: Bendy and the Ink Machine
07 Oct 2022
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Summary
It's Halloween at the studio.
Series
- Part 4 of Crack In A Bag
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Day 1 Of Writing Crack Fics Until The Emperor (Me) Gets His Groove Back by Parrot_Assbutt
Fandoms: Bendy and the Ink Machine
24 Sep 2022
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Summary
Sammy's ink hallucinations are recognized and treated much earlier on than in canon. He's still kind of an asshole though.
Series
- Part 3 of Crack In A Bag
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Summary
Sammy was a simple man, with simple needs.
Prequel to "Joey Gets It", written on impulse several years after the fact.Series
- Part 1 of Crack In A Bag
Recent series
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Crack In A Bag by Parrot_Assbutt
Fandom: Bendy and the Ink Machine, The Owl House (Cartoon)
06 Nov 2022
Summary
Assorted Crack fics, some connected, others standalone.
- Words:
- 7,294
- Works:
- 5
- Bookmarks:
- 1
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- 2,021
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- Words:
- 1,821
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- Bookmarks:
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Recent bookmarks
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Put Your Loving Hands Out by EvanescentDreamer
Fandoms: Wiedźmin | The Witcher - All Media Types
19 Mar 2025
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Summary
Lambert doesn’t like being touched.
He has trained himself over decades to tolerate contact with his brothers, but anyone else gets sharp words, or even sharper (and occasionally poisoned) blades.
Then Geralt says he’s bringing his godsdamned handsy bard to Kaer Morhen, and Lambert’s sure that even with ample forewarning, accidental touching is inevitable. It’s going to make the winter feel miserably long, and Lambert knows for a fact that he’s going to hate every second of it.
He has no idea what to do when he’s wrong.
Bookmarked by Parrot_Assbutt
09 Jan 2026
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Experience your first night again! by Hailhailsatan
Fandoms: Wiedźmin | The Witcher - All Media Types
15 Dec 2025
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Summary
The noticeboard infront of the brothel read ‘Experience your first night again!’ - but Jaskier didn't read the full thing. With his memories gone, Geralt sees an opportunity to give Jaskier something he didn't get himself - a first time to remember. Little does Geralt know, however, that his experience is actually very little himself. Each new thing he teaches Jaskier opens up a series of new, unwanted memories from times he realises weren't as rose tinted as they seemed. Now, both of them have the chance to start again.
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“I don’t understand.”
“You drink the potion, then she has her way with you like you’re a virgin. Once you’ve… you know, the memories come back. But… I got so frightened that I ran off. I don’t know why, it just felt really, really overwhelming.”
Geralt could feel his own face warm, and he blessed his mutations for not being able to visibly blush.
“So… how does this work then. What can you remember?”
Geralt fumbled his words trying to avoid saying anything that might be embarrassing shared between friends. Friends.
“Well, I can’t remember anything."Bookmarked by Parrot_Assbutt
04 Jan 2026
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That Which We Conceal by a_sparrows_fall
Fandoms: Wiedźmin | The Witcher - All Media Types, Wiedźmin | The Witcher Series - Andrzej Sapkowski, Wiedźmin | The Witcher (Video Game)
14 Nov 2017
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Summary
He paused a moment, choosing his words carefully.
"Your situation has not escaped my notice,” he said after some deliberation.
While journeying with Zoltan and the Termerian refugees, Regis discovers Milva’s secret. In return, Milva does some investigation of her own. Geralt nearly loses his medallion, and Regis is surprised in several ways.
A story set during Baptism of Fire.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 6,401
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Collections:
- 2
- Comments:
- 71
- Kudos:
- 606
- Bookmarks:
- 89
- Hits:
- 4,381
Bookmarked by Parrot_Assbutt
03 Jan 2026
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Summary
Геральт никогда не бывал в императорском дворце. Что уж греха таить, визит туда был максимально далек от его планов, пока на границе Альбы, где он как раз закончил с досадно убыточным заказом на полуденницу, его не нашли двое рослых молодчиков с золотыми солнечными гербами на щитах.
Bookmarked by Parrot_Assbutt
03 Jan 2026
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Rivers Run by DancingLassie
Fandom: The Witcher (TV), Wiedźmin | The Witcher (Video Game), Wiedźmin | The Witcher - All Media Types, Wiedźmin | The Witcher Series - Andrzej Sapkowski
31 Dec 2020
Summary
In which Jaskier is a River god and has a large protective family of other River gods. Geralt has no idea what he’s let himself in for.
Art by the amazing Aro
- Words:
- 131,160
- Works:
- 4
- Bookmarks:
- 1,825