evilgiraff
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Summary
“Is that something you want in life? A marriage?”
A fluffy story in which declarations are made, fireworks are set off, and absolutely no fishing takes place at all.
Written for the OFMD Reverse Big Bang 2024 - thanks mods! You did a fabulous job ❤️
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Seasoned pro cyclist Edward “Blackbeard” Teach is counting down the days to his retirement when his swansong at the Tour de France is thrown off-course by a starry-eyed newcomer. Can Stede Bonnet’s enthusiasm remind Ed why he loves cycling, and perhaps help him find some joy in his personal life too?
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“This is my first Tour, but it’s also my last. I’m here by luck. It won’t happen again.”
“Hmm. I might have heard something along those lines.”
Ed has, in fact, heard a lot of it, mostly in Izzy’s outraged voice.
You know that twat hasn’t even raced a one-day Classic? No real road experience at all, just a handful of time trials. He’s a rower, for fuck’s sake, he’s not got the first idea how to handle himself in a group. He’s only here because his daddy owns the team. Totally unprofessional. Stupid fucking Stede Bonnet.
“So why are you here now, then?” he asks. “What did you do to get Fortune to smile on you so beautifully?”
“It’s a long story,” Stede replies.
“I’ve got all day. Come on, get your bike. We’ll go for a ride and you can tell me all about it.” -
Neither Ceasing, Nor Desisting by BrainzGoblin, ClaireGregory, CommunionNimrod, Deniz_B, Dracothelizard, ElapsedSpiral, evilgiraff, FPwoper, JaneSane, mistercrystal, nomadsland, shieldmaidenofmithrilhall, Zigster
Fandoms: Our Flag Means Death (TV)
01 Dec 2023
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Offensive Semaphore. Defacing the Pyramids. Beat Poetry. Edward Teach has (or perhaps, hasn't) done it all. And now that they've been reunited, Stede wants to hear every story Ed is willing to tell.
An anthology exploring the truth behind Blackbeard's alleged crimes.
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Canon era Ed/Stede reunion fic. Lots of sailing around the Caribbean, sea chases, navigation, and modern lyrics masquerading as 18th century poetry.
Warnings: Violence (no graphic depictions of injury). Mortal peril (quickly resolved).:::::
“Yes, alright, I need to make it better.” Stede glares at Roach, then looks around hopefully. “Any ideas how?”
“I reckon what we need most for that, cap’n,” says Buttons, thoughtfully, “is a ship.” -
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Draco is happily muddling along in his job as Assistant to the Keeper of the Hall of Prophecies, when his world is turned upside down by a new prophecy involving himself – and Harry Potter.
Recent series
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Charming Beauty Bright and outtakes by evilgiraff
Fandom Twilight Series - All Media Types
03 Nov 2012
Summary
A Twilight multichapter story, with associated outtakes
- Words:
- 33,273
- Works:
- 2
Recent bookmarks
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Though I Try Not To by DrowningByDegrees
Fandoms: The Witcher (TV), Wiedźmin | The Witcher - All Media Types
04 Apr 2020
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Summary
“You didn’t come back,” Geralt murmurs as if that somehow covers everything.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 16,120
- Chapters:
- 5/5
- Collections:
- 3
- Comments:
- 363
- Kudos:
- 4,279
- Bookmarks:
- 829
- Hits:
- 54,071
Bookmarked by evilgiraff
20 Jan 2026
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sometimes all Geralt needs is silence
Bookmarked by evilgiraff
15 Jan 2026
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O, Empathy by almostnectarine
Fandoms: Wiedźmin | The Witcher - All Media Types, The Witcher (TV)
06 Apr 2020
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Summary
“How did you manage,” asked Geralt, with infinite patience and only a desire to know the facts, and not at all a little meanhearted glee, “to insult a sorcerer while his tongue was down your throat?”
“Don’t make me recount the entire sordid affair, Geralt,” said Jaskier, with a surprising note of desperation breaking through his gruff monotone. “I’m already having a rather shit day and all I’ve done so far is wake up.”
“In my body,” said Geralt.
“Yes,” said Jaskier, with the insolent cadence that was unmistakably Jaskier’s, but in Geralt’s voice, emerging from Geralt’s face and frame.
“And I’ve got yours,” said Geralt, from Jaskier’s.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 32,624
- Chapters:
- 6/6
- Comments:
- 1,303
- Kudos:
- 8,166
- Bookmarks:
- 1,910
- Hits:
- 71,486
Bookmarked by evilgiraff
12 Nov 2025
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Ochre, Resin, and Light. by onlyoneday for fangsforasking
Fandoms: Our Flag Means Death (TV)
07 Jan 2023
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Summary
Pygmalion inspired Steddyhands in which Ed and Izzy, top conservation artists at London's National Portrait Gallery, restore an antique portrait of an unknown man for an upcoming show. Strange, then, when Ed starts seeing the guy for real. He is real...right?
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Or; the one where Ed and Izzy get super horny about a painting, and then find out the guy is real and get super horny about him as well.
Series
- Part 1 of Ochre, Resin, and Light
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 15,284
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Collections:
- 2
- Comments:
- 178
- Kudos:
- 577
- Bookmarks:
- 104
- Hits:
- 5,770
Bookmarked by evilgiraff
23 Aug 2025
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Summary
Stede and Ed's relationship ended months ago, but Stede hasn't been able to let it go. He's amazed when Ed agrees to participate in The Ex-House with him, sharing a tiny house on live television for six weeks to win the grand prize.
“Hello, Edward!” he says, forcing brightness. Remembers to look at his face - two seconds at a time is perfectly acceptable, look at the face, not directly into the eyes - tries to remember to turn his lips up into a friendly smile. Behind Ed, the door whooshes closed again and leaves them in silence.
Ed’s fully clad in leather, which is always a good look for him. Slight hint of eyeliner. One arm bare, showing off the winding snake tattooed into his skin. Beard trimmed short. Hair up, as well, properly styled. Small silver dagger earring dangling from one ear.
He looks unapproachably hot. The kind of guy that would skim over Stede without a second glance. The kind of guy that would sniff out Stede’s oddness in a second and push Stede down as a way to lift himself up. There are probably people watching on their televisions right now, wondering how the hell the two people in this room were ever together in the first place.
Series
- Part 1 of The Ex-House
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 65,131
- Chapters:
- 9/9
- Collections:
- 1
- Comments:
- 1,298
- Kudos:
- 509
- Bookmarks:
- 121
- Hits:
- 8,360
Bookmarked by evilgiraff
22 May 2025