screwcalm



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  1. Public Bookmark *

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    Summary

    The hot mic incident was just the beginning.

    Now the internet watches in real-time as Ilya’s Spotify playlist gets leaked (with NOTES), Shane attempts subtlety (narrator: he fails), they bicker about boy bands on late night TV, someone admits to having a ring for six months ON TWITTER, and approximately 20 different social media platforms collectively lose their goddamn minds.

    Featuring: journalists having breakdowns, Reddit threads that require moderator intervention, TikTok compilations with 1.2M views, brand partnerships from Skittles, a plague of engagement speculation, and two hockey players who cannot stop being chaotic disasters on main.

    The fandom was writing fic about them. Turns out reality is messier, queerer, and somehow MORE unhinged.

    [or social media reacts to the week following the Hot Mic Incident™, told entirely through tweets, Reddit posts, Instagram stories, podcast transcripts, and the world’s most romantic Spotify playlist]

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    11,067
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    449
    Kudos:
    10,087
    Bookmarks:
    1,277
    Hits:
    70,314

    09 Feb 2026

  2. Public Bookmark *

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    Alexis: Considering how he throws Hollander around on the ice, I’m worried about you girl 😂

    Jane: Oh, he does love to throw me around.

    Jane: Haha.

    Or,
    Ilya’s decision to fuck with Shane backfires spectacularly. And Shane gets a support system along the way.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    7,756
    Chapters:
    5/5
    Comments:
    1,024
    Kudos:
    22,241
    Bookmarks:
    4,231
    Hits:
    150,440

    06 Feb 2026

  3. Public Bookmark *

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    Shane doesn’t like to ask for what he needs, but when Ilya is around, he doesn’t have to.

    or five times Ilya fixes it without making Shane feel bad, and one time he doesn’t.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    21,001
    Chapters:
    6/6
    Comments:
    163
    Kudos:
    2,125
    Bookmarks:
    545
    Hits:
    30,379

    05 Feb 2026

  4. Public Bookmark *

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    Ilya pulled back, gasping. His lower face was glistening wet in the dim light. He stared at the pulsing source between Shane’s legs with utter rapture.

    “You squirt,” he breathed, awestruck. “I did not even finger you yet, and you squirt for me.” He gave a breathless, giddy laugh.

    (or, Shane gets cursed with a pussy)

    Tag to be covered: Shane Hollander Has a Vagina

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    5,088
    Chapters:
    2/2
    Comments:
    97
    Kudos:
    2,532
    Bookmarks:
    486
    Hits:
    33,267

    04 Feb 2026

  5. Public Bookmark *

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    Summary

    “Shane.” Ilya takes Shane’s head in his hands, squeezes his cheeks so that Shane looks puffy, absurd. Beloved. “I am saying that to me, even though you are retired, you will always be No. 1 hockey player. Fuck Wayne Gretzky.”

    That’s what does it, as Ilya knew it would. Shane rears back, spluttering, outraged, trying not to laugh.

    “Oh, I have committed blasphemy now. They will take back my citizenship, big crime, very sad.”

    Shane smoothes his hands along Ilya’s calves, rests his fingertips on Ilya’s ankles. “Fuck Wayne Gretzky,” he says. He looks like he can’t believe what he’s saying. Ilya wonders, distantly, if he can get it on tape to play back to himself when things feel particularly bleak. “We can live in exile together. I don’t care. You’re my, my best, my second best hockey player forever too.”

    --

    Shane decides he has to retire. Ilya, of course, will go with him.

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    24,018
    Chapters:
    3/3
    Comments:
    217
    Kudos:
    797
    Bookmarks:
    234
    Hits:
    9,265

    30 Jan 2026