urproblematicfav
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"God, shut up, Al. No one wants to hear about your mom's tits." Husk smacks him on the ass this time, instead of the back of the head.
Alastor cries. "How cruel! How could you treat me like this, Husker?!"
"Oh my god! That monsta'! Bambi-doll, quick come ova' here!"
Husk throws his arms in the air. Al whimpers pitifully, and very dramatically crawls to safety with all the grace of a drunk, well...deer.
"He's so mean to me!"
"I know, baby..." Angel coos. He quickly scoops the doe up into his lap using his secondaries. Al sways drunkenly, but is caught with many hands before he goes plummeting to the floor. Said hands, immediately get wondery. "Want me ta' make it betta'?"
The line...somehow works? Alastor pouts and blinks his noticeably dry eyes at Husk, before turning back and nodding like a slut. Angel gropes his tiny waist, and gently tilts the doe's jaw with one hand and leans in to—
Aaaand...they're making out. Sloppily, and with a lot of tongue. It's kinda embarrassing actually, like they were a couple of unsupervised teenagers.
~
Or: Al and Angel are drunk and start fucking in the lobby while Husk is helpless to stop them...and also drunk -
the urproblmaticfav-arsonk incoherent hh jokes and drabbles collection by urproblematicfav
Fandoms: Hazbin Hotel (Cartoon)
07 Aug 2025
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"You are disgusting-!" Alastor cries hysterically, waving his hands around and trying to get away. He almost falls backward off the bar stool. "You are absolutely disgusting. Get the fuck away from me, good lord."
"Oh I see how it is!" Charlie throws her arms up. "I get it! So when you wanna gore me with your antlers and drink my blood and all that kinky shit, it's sooo hot and sexy!"
Alastor cries harder, trapped somewhere between absolutely horrified and laughing so hard he dislocates a rib. "Uhhh- please, stop it-"
"But when I say that I want to pair the aged cheese from your unwashed dick, with some nice wine, and have myself a little self-care snack, suddenly-!" Charlie stomps away in outrage. "Suddenly-! I'm the unreasonable pervert. Okay. Sure. I get it. We're kinkshaming now, sure, cool."
Angel squints over the lobby couch like he's a soldier trying to avoid enemy eyeline. "What tha' fuck is goin' on ova' there?!"
~
Random scenes that are almost exclusively stupid dick jokes that may or may not one day grow...into a whole fic. Gasp.
Lot of dark comedy with dead dove elementsFt ideas like: Biohazard fetishes and Alastor cutting his pussy lip while shaving
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"Are you sure there's nothing else I can do?" She asks, with her big stupid brown eyes, and so much earnest innocence.
If she wasn't some virginal religious girl trapped under god and with absolutely no intent for something as devious as a quickie with a stranger, that would sound like the opening to an aggressively mediocre porno. He wants to beat the everloving fuck out of her, so bad.
"You worry yourself too much, I'm plenty comfortable and plenty taken care of. You talked your father into giving me bed and board! It's like I'm a vagrant on the run! And now I'm seeking sanctuary in a church to patch my wounds and be on my way. It'll be fun, like a game."
"And what does that make me?" She asks quietly, looking into his eyes a bit much for his liking, but intimate nonetheless. "Some innocent belle with no one to protect me from a runaway?"
Alastor's mouth falls open slightly.
Charlie's eyes immediately dart to his lips again. He rubs the back of her neck, cradling her head, tipping her back. "Oh, I don't about innocent-" He chuckles, and she fucking whines. "But I don't think you want protection, hmn?"
~temp hiatus
Or a demon on vacation corrupts the local preacher's daughter -
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"Hey, bitch!"
Alastor turns his head in the direction of the noise, staring flatly. "Pardon?"
The world's most gaudy, faggotity limo drives by. It awkwardly stutters by the puddle near the sidewalk, like he was considering splashing Alastor, and then changed his mind and was forced to shamefully back up a few feet and then get back on the road.
"Uh, I said hey bitch! Show some tail, you old-timey attic-y cunt!"
Vox leans out of the driver's side window, waving obscenely. He wasn't quite sure if the gesture was meant in a masturbatory sense, or if he was miming jerking off a cute deer tail. "Bet you'd let me face fuck you just to get a ride huh?! Can't even fucking drive, useless bitch. Send your stupid doe womb flying from how fast I can...uhh, fucking drive...? Yeah!"
Alastor skips over, and immediately, Vox's face falls. "Awh-! Don't be like that! I thought you wanted to catch a look? Ah, well, that's alright. Here, I'll help!" He gently taps the glass with the back of his knuckles, and the entire window shatters.
~
Or: Vox is bad at catcalling and Alastor fingerfucks him about it -
Show some skin, and would be, caché. by urproblematicfav
Fandoms: Hazbin Hotel (Cartoon)
10 Apr 2025
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"Uh-huh. What? You're wearing one of those fucking full body swimsuits from the 1800s?"
"I actually do have one of those!" Alastor claps excitably, clearly high. He grins, and takes another step forward until he's hovering ominously over Vox. "I actually decided to wear something else. Do you want to see?"
"I have a feeling that I don't have a choice here."
"You don't!" Alastor smiles warmly, and teasingly starts to open the ugly as fuck robe he'd been wearing all night.
"Ugh- fine. You fucking creep, show me whatever prudish bullshit you thinnnnkkk-" His voice trails off into static noise as he just...stares.
Alastor was wearing a micro bikini. Black, with thin straps over his hips, and an extra tiny window right above the dip of fabric where his cunt was, giving an extra bit of space for his thick pubic hair to show through. The bikini does fuck all to cover up his sensitive bits, he can practically see his labia on the right side, and his tiny cock of a clit was visibly straining against the tight fabric.
He's also, wet as fuck, and he hasn't actually gotten in the water once.
"What the fuck-?!
~
BottomAlastorWeek2025Day 5, Public/Squirting
Series
- Part 8 of AK's various hazbin week prompts
Recent series
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Fics for the different hazbin kinkweek prompts I find
- Words:
- 95,328
- Works:
- 8
- Bookmarks:
- 4
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Summary
Collection of fics that use my Show Lion Au
Basically:
Charlie is a Show Lion, she's Lucifer's most prized possession in his Circus. She's specifically a Sphinx, both in the mythological sense and the cat breed.
(Is my version of Charlie a glorified cat girl?? Yes. But I added child abuse lore so IM SPECIAL)The fics aren't always apart of main overhaul fic timeline I have in my head that goes more in depth on Charlie backstory. Just me using the same hc/au.
Main timeline will be tagged as Atropa- Words:
- 18,597
- Works:
- 1
- Bookmarks:
- 1
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- Words:
- 44,512
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- 3
- Bookmarks:
- 10
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An overly indulgent 3 part RadioHusk fic series about being ace and cnc
Fic and series titles are a reference to the sections of Contrapoint's Twilight videoI've decided The Heartbreaker EP by Autoheart is the soundtrack for this series.
I made a playlist of music I've been listening to while thinking about this series, I plan on making a more thought out one laterHmu on tumblr its a garbage fire over there but I think I'm funny sooooo-
tumblr
#the roofie fic™ or rhtwlight fic is the tag if u wanna see my bad jokes and unedited poorly spelled snippets- Words:
- 50,613
- Works:
- 2
- Bookmarks:
- 34
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Angel's Guide To Hell and The Hollywood Dream by urproblematicfav
Fandom: Hazbin Hotel (Cartoon)
08 Jun 2024
Summary
an anthology series centered around Angel. Unless specified, not everything is in the same timeline/au.
Title is a slight reference to Hollywood Dream by Ayesha Erotica, is she a good person?? Not really, but her music is Angel-coded as fuck.
- Words:
- 7,064
- Works:
- 1
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Angel shows Alastor a side of himself he's never let anyone else see.
Bookmarked by urproblematicfav
24 Jul 2025
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Summary
In which Fai uses magic mid-series, and Kurogane notices.
There had been nights in Yama when he'd laid back and thought it would never end, that easy camaraderie with Fai.
They had trained, and bathed, and he had gone chasing Fai into the forests more than once, when Fai had sneaked the last bottle of wine away and Kurogane had gone after him for it. Then they'd had sex on the forest floor, with the leaves rustling and the wind around them,
and Fai had tasted like wine.
- Words:
- 290,734
- Works:
- 10
- Bookmarks:
- 136
Bookmarked by urproblematicfav
02 Jun 2025
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“My dear, your clothes are so offensive that even your dick appears to be attempting an escape.”
A wide array of emotions tried to happen on Vox’s face simultaneous to each other: fear, confusion, embarrassment, and horror each vying for control of the same pixels, even as his screen flickered static and test cards that obscured the details of his digital features. Everything displayed through the bright red tint of a blush—even his eyes, amusingly enough. “Wh—wh— I— I— I d-don’t…”
Alastor lifted his cane and prodded the odd lump bulging from Vox’s thigh ungently. “It appears to be struggling with how tight those pants are.”
_____
Vox Humiliation Week 2025*Now with NSFW art by the fantastic AislinCeivun!*
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 7,245
- Chapters:
- 3/3
- Collections:
- 1
- Comments:
- 14
- Kudos:
- 184
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- 25
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- 2,531
Bookmarked by urproblematicfav
29 Mar 2025
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The Library was just too strong, and Darryl bravely sacrificed himself to save his fellow dads.
Unfortunately (or maybe, fortunately???) the Library liked Darryl's taste a bit too much, and decided that he might be worth keeping around to savor properly.
Darryl is lucky he is lovable for more reasons than his delicious meaty skin.
Bookmarked by urproblematicfav
28 Feb 2025
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Four teenagers hang out on a weekend night. Nothing could go wrong.
Edit: A lot can go wrong.
V̵͕͒̌͗͘͝ë̵̡̗͓̲̓͋̚͘r̷̛͕̘̟͌̚y̶̠̔͂̿̇͘ ̶̜̳̯̃̐͌w̴̤͂̅̎̾̑r̵̡͈͕̀o̶̗̹̊n̸̛͕͐g̴̼̲̪̬͔̐͊͌Series
- Part 3 of Alternate World-verse
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 206,016
- Chapters:
- 32/50
- Collections:
- 1
- Comments:
- 298
- Kudos:
- 353
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- 67
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Bookmarked by urproblematicfav
26 Feb 2025