urproblematicfav
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the urproblmaticfav-arsonk incoherent hh jokes and drabbles collection by urproblematicfav
Fandoms: Hazbin Hotel (Cartoon)
24 Apr 2026
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Summary
"You are disgusting-!" Alastor cries hysterically, waving his hands around and trying to get away. He almost falls backward off the bar stool. "You are absolutely disgusting. Get the fuck away from me, good lord."
"Oh I see how it is!" Charlie throws her arms up. "I get it! So when you wanna gore me with your antlers and drink my blood and all that kinky shit, it's sooo hot and sexy!"
Alastor cries harder, trapped somewhere between absolutely horrified and laughing so hard he dislocates a rib. "Uhhh- please, stop it-"
"But when I say that I want to pair the aged cheese from your unwashed dick, with some nice wine, and have myself a little self-care snack, suddenly-!" Charlie stomps away in outrage. "Suddenly-! I'm the unreasonable pervert. Okay. Sure. I get it. We're kinkshaming now, sure, cool."
Angel squints over the lobby couch like he's a soldier trying to avoid enemy eyeline. "What tha' fuck is goin' on ova' there?!"
~
Random scenes that are almost exclusively stupid dick jokes that may or may not one day grow...into a whole fic. Gasp.
Lot of dark comedy with dead dove elementsFt ideas like: Biohazard fetishes and Alastor cutting his pussy lip while shaving
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Summary
Alastor pours himself more whiskey in the hopes that it makes him sleepy, and continues to read for a few more minutes. He sighs and glances up at the door, where Vox was peaking through like a creep, his flashing box head ruining whatever stealth he thought he had. His fingers are shaky on the doorknob, as if he couldn't actually decide to open the door or not.
"Darling, if you're going to come into my room, I'd rather you just do it, instead of standing there like a scolded child."
"Can I sleep with you?" Vox blurts out, all sad and pathetic. "I really don't want to be alone, right now. And you...make me feel better when I'm around you, so- um..."
Alastor had to give it to him, this was a first. People have tried a lot of different methods to convince The Radio Demon into some kind of...relationship with them. Drugs, alcohol, coercion, crowding him in a public space, or just straight-up physical violence.
But no one has tried crying uncontrollably while claiming to have had a nightmare in order to convince him into having intercourse. Kudos, maybe Vox can come up with original ideas.
~
Or: Alastor takes Vox on a break in his cottage in the woods and poor bby needs some comfortSeries
- Part 1 of Just As Sweet As Arsenic
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Summary
"I'm not sure how ya accidentally do some shit like this?"
"I was just trying to do some magic to make him feel better! My dad does shapeshifty shenanigans, and I wanted to, too!"
"...is...is your dad also into shota- Ow!?"
"Shut up." Husk elbows Angel in the rib. "Is anyone going to actually check on him?"
"Oh god-!" Charlie squeaks in horror. "Oh, no, oh fuck. You're okay? Right, Al?"
Alastor blinks up at her with terrified eyes, and flinches back from her hand. He's stiff, and has been for the last thirty minutes that everyone has been gathering around him. His red hair looked longer on him now, and none of his clothes fit. He was just stuck on the floor in a loose pile of clothes and an oversized jacket clenched in his clawed fingers.
It was still clearly him. Just...tiny.
"Oh no, I'm sorry! I'm not trying to scare you..." Charlie rips her hand away. Satan, he was acting like she was about to beat him. "Are you okay, honey?
"Does he rememba anythin'? Like, clean slate or is it a Travel Size Radio Demon, kinda thing?"
Husk shrugs. "I mean, if it was still him in there, I'm pretty sure we'd all be bleeding from our eyes."
~
HazbinDDweek: Day 5, underageSeries
- Part 1 of Bbyallieau
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"Do you have somewhere to go?" Al asks casually.
He takes the glass and rubs his thumb anxiously over the edge in strange counts of four. "Uh, mnhuh, no? I'm- I'm uh, sorta just passing through. I meant to get a hotel or some shit, but I got kinda distracted...I just- I'm just on my own now, you know? No one back home wants me anymore, and I sure as fuck don't know anyone down south."
He hums sympathetically and pointedly ignores the way his cock, genuinely, honest to god, fucking twitches in his pants at the admission. It was such a stupid thing to say, "I'm alone. I have no family. No one knows I'm in this city. You're the only person who knows I exist."
He was practically asking for it at this point.
Xander opens his mouth to continue his little pathetic rambling, and Alastor grabs him by the collar and pulls him in. His tastes like alcohol and nice cigars. Maybe a little like some leftover fruit? Al licks his teeth, pressing his tongue firmly against the dumb idiot's tongue until he catches the hint and starts to kiss him back.
"Do you want to go home with me?"
"Fuck."
~
HazbinDDWeek
Day 2: NecroSeries
- Part 9 of AK's various hazbin week prompts
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"God, shut up, Al. No one wants to hear about your mom's tits." Husk smacks him on the ass this time, instead of the back of the head.
Alastor cries. "How cruel! How could you treat me like this, Husker?!"
"Oh my god! That monsta'! Bambi-doll, quick come ova' here!"
Husk throws his arms in the air. Al whimpers pitifully, and very dramatically crawls to safety with all the grace of a drunk, well...deer.
"He's so mean to me!"
"I know, baby..." Angel coos. He quickly scoops the doe up into his lap using his secondaries. Al sways drunkenly, but is caught with many hands before he goes plummeting to the floor. Said hands, immediately get wondery. "Want me ta' make it betta'?"
The line...somehow works? Alastor pouts and blinks his noticeably dry eyes at Husk, before turning back and nodding like a slut. Angel gropes his tiny waist, and gently tilts the doe's jaw with one hand and leans in to—
Aaaand...they're making out. Sloppily, and with a lot of tongue. It's kinda embarrassing actually, like they were a couple of unsupervised teenagers.
~
Or: Al and Angel are drunk and start fucking in the lobby while Husk is helpless to stop them...and also drunk
Recent series
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Summary
Fics for the different hazbin kinkweek prompts I find
- Words:
- 109,516
- Works:
- 9
- Bookmarks:
- 9
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Summary
Collection of fics that use my Show Lion Au
Basically:
Charlie is a Show Lion, she's Lucifer's most prized possession in his Circus. She's specifically a Sphinx, both in the mythological sense and the cat breed.
(Is my version of Charlie a glorified cat girl?? Yes. But I added child abuse lore so IM SPECIAL)The fics aren't always apart of main overhaul fic timeline I have in my head that goes more in depth on Charlie backstory. Just me using the same hc/au.
Main timeline will be tagged as Atropa- Words:
- 18,597
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- 1
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- 2
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- Words:
- 44,512
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Recent bookmarks
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It starts with Ryuuji, Rin, and an Incubus. It ends with something more than either of them could imagine.
Series
- Part 1 of Lovers and Lunatics
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 20,158
- Chapters:
- 6/6
- Collections:
- 2
- Comments:
- 58
- Kudos:
- 1,439
- Bookmarks:
- 164
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Bookmarked by urproblematicfav
08 Mar 2026
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Pretty, looping cursive spills across the page, each letter painstakingly formed with all the softness and decorum of the world. The words themselves, however, are anything but. No—this is not an invitation at all, but a sentence, rendered in cursive instead of a gavel.
Miss Charlotte Morningstar cordially invites you to her Purity Ball.
Bookmarked by urproblematicfav
25 Oct 2025
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Summary
Angel shows Alastor a side of himself he's never let anyone else see.
Series
- Part 2 of PB&J
Bookmarked by urproblematicfav
24 Jul 2025
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Summary
In which Fai uses magic mid-series, and Kurogane notices.
There had been nights in Yama when he'd laid back and thought it would never end, that easy camaraderie with Fai.
They had trained, and bathed, and he had gone chasing Fai into the forests more than once, when Fai had sneaked the last bottle of wine away and Kurogane had gone after him for it. Then they'd had sex on the forest floor, with the leaves rustling and the wind around them,
and Fai had tasted like wine.
- Words:
- 290,734
- Works:
- 10
- Bookmarks:
- 136
Bookmarked by urproblematicfav
02 Jun 2025
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The Trivial Sublime by AislinArts (AislinCeivun), Lykomancer
Fandoms: Hazbin Hotel (Cartoon)
18 Mar 2025
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Summary
“My dear, your clothes are so offensive that even your dick appears to be attempting an escape.”
A wide array of emotions tried to happen on Vox’s face simultaneous to each other: fear, confusion, embarrassment, and horror each vying for control of the same pixels, even as his screen flickered static and test cards that obscured the details of his digital features. Everything displayed through the bright red tint of a blush—even his eyes, amusingly enough. “Wh—wh— I— I— I d-don’t…”
Alastor lifted his cane and prodded the odd lump bulging from Vox’s thigh ungently. “It appears to be struggling with how tight those pants are.”
_____
Vox Humiliation Week 2025*Now with NSFW art by the fantastic AislinCeivun!*
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 7,245
- Chapters:
- 3/3
- Collections:
- 1
- Comments:
- 19
- Kudos:
- 322
- Bookmarks:
- 45
- Hits:
- 4,995
Bookmarked by urproblematicfav
29 Mar 2025