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Ed is five and he finds out what a nightlight is when he stays overnight at Winry's house for the first time.
"It's so the monsters in the dark can't get us," she says.
Ed lies awake all night. He doesn't understand-- there are no monsters in the dark. The monsters only live in the shadows.
*
Their dad leaves, and their uncle comes all the way over from Central on the train and sits across the kitchen table from their mom, drinking coffee and talking very seriously.
Before he leaves, he puts a hand on each brother's shoulder. "Don't worry, boys. I'm going to make sure your dad comes home."
Ed believes him for three years, but then their mom is dead and their dad still isn't there and the letters that they send to their uncle never get replies.
*
They go to Dublith and Teacher sets up a room in the attic of her house with two beds and a wardrobe and all the books they could want. It's big and the sun comes in through the windows in the morning and on the other side of the room in the evening and the floorboards are scrubbed clean and the linens smell fresh and Ed feels full up with potential, with this new start.
On their first morning they eat breakfast with Teacher and Sig and Ed sees their cousin's picture in the newspaper. "Al, look," he says. "King's the Fuehrer now. King's the king."
They both laugh, and neither of them notice the way Teacher frowns down at her eggs.
*
Greed says, "I've never seen these children before in my life,"
And Al says, "Uncle's still really mad at you,"
and Ed says "We don't need a babysitter! We're here to learn alchemy, we don't need you here to keep an eye on us!"
Greed takes a long drink straight from one of the bottles behind the bar. "Just get out of here before my... people come back. Shoo."
A week later, Ed sees Greed coming out of the butcher shop, looking pleased with himself. At dinner, Sig says "Good to know being crazy runs in the family."
"I resent that," says Al.
*
After that night, the night when everything went wrong, Lust comes to see them. It's barely been a week, Ed is barely managing to stay awake for more than a few hours at a time, the pain and the drugs and the shock exhausting his body like no training could prepare him for.
"Human transmutation," Lust says. "You really did it? You're sure?"
"We failed at it," Ed says, angrily. "I was so stupid."
Lust shakes her head. "You were desperate," she says. "But that's ok, Ed. You and Al both did it, you both--"
"It shouldn't have been him!" Ed snaps. "It was my idea! Al shouldn't have had to pay a toll."
"Hmm," says Lust. "Maybe this will turn out to be a good thing."
Ed refuses to speak to her, after that. He overhears her offering to pay for any costs associated with his convalescence, but Granny just tells her to get out.
*
"I'm going to take the State Alchemist exam," Ed says, "so you better get ready to be amazed."
On the other end of the phone line, King says "I hope you're not expecting any special treatment, Edward."
"No way," Ed says. "I'm gonna earn this."
"You should stay with me while you're here," King says.
Ed frowns. "No, then people really will think I'm getting special treatment."
It's not the only reason. Ed may be too old for monsters under the bed, but he still doesn't trust the shadows.
*
When Ed turns fourteen, King invites him and Al over for dinner.
"Fuck off," Ed says, rolling his eyes.
Roy Mustang almost has a heart attack right there on the front steps of the library.
"My wife would love to meet you," King says, and Ed may have some slowly growing issues with how his cousin runs the entire country, but he still grew up in a small eastern town and there are some courtesies he will never escape.
"Fine," he says. "I guess I should meet her, too."
The dinner is terrible. Ed considers how much trouble he'd be in if he just dropkicked Pride out one of the fancy picture windows.
The next day, Mustang says "I legitimately hate to ask, but how was your dinner?"
"Eh," says Ed. "Mrs. Bradley is nice, I guess."
*
Ed goes for coffee with Lust whenever he's in town. "Jean is a nice man," she says.
"Oh my God," Ed groans. "I don't wanna hear this," and then a week later, "Hey, what do you know about the Fifth Laboratory?"
"Oh boy," she says. "You should probably get another cup of coffee. Although there was a man at the train station who said it stunts your growth, so maybe not."
*
Maes Hughes is attacked and winds up in a coma and Ed and Al don't hear about it until weeks later. The doctors say he's stable, but nobody knows when he might wake up.
*
Lust is burned almost to death. Ed crouches in a dirty alleyway, her philosopher's stone cupped in his palms, and stares up at Mustang. Mustang looks back and it's like looking at a stranger.
*
"I cannot believe you swallowed me!" Ed screams at the inside of Gluttony's stomach. "This is disgusting! If this is revenge for the toothpaste incident I want to remind you I was seven years old and you need to learn to let things go!"
"Shut up," says Envy. "You're giving me a headache."
"You shut up," Ed shoots back, because he is nothing if not mature.
"You shut up," says Envy.
"You know what, maybe I'll just go try to find my own way out," says Ling.
*
Ed says, "No, listen, this seems like kind of an important piece of information! Why didn't you tell us that Greed had died?"
Their uncle sighs, like Ed's a little kid asking for too much dessert. "It was a... complicated situation."
"And now he's inside that idiot," Ed says, jerking his head toward Ling. "Does he really not have any of his memories?"
Uncle shakes his head. "I'm sorry, Edward. I couldn't preserve his memories, as hard as I tried."
"Hmm," says Ed.
*
Jean Havoc will never walk again. Ed puts Lust's stone in the bottom of an iron box that he seals with alchemy and then burries in the most deserted part of the forest he can walk to without being missed. He tells Al where she is, just in case. He still can’t look at Mustang, but he can't not look at Jean.
He visits Hughes in the hospital and sits on the tile beside his bed and wants, desperately, to go back to a home that doesn't exist and tuck his head under his blankets. The desire lasts ten seconds, which is ten more seconds than he knows he deserves.
*
They run into Sloth in Briggs and he looks so tired Ed can feel the energy leaving his body just looking at him.
"Jeez," he says. "What are you doing up here?"
Sloth tells them.
"Well," says Ed, after Sloth's done telling his story. "Good to know being an asshole runs in the family too."
"Do you want to come with us instead of digging this tunnel?" Al asks, and Sloth shrugs.
"I don't like the cold," he says. "And I've been doing a lot of digging. It's such a pain."
Al says, "It's up to you. It's your choice," and Sloth looks confused.
Ed wants to give him a hug, but General Armstrong is watching like she's ready to shoot all of them at any sign of weakness.
*
Ling flops down beside Ed near the campfire, stuffing the last of a piece of roasted meat into his mouth and licking his fingers. It's disgusting. "You look cold, Ed."
"I'm fine," Ed says, automatically, even as he can feel his teeth chattering. Across the fire, Darius and Heinkel are playing cards. Sloth is half-heartedly putting up a tent a little ways away.
"That wasn't convincing at all," Ling says, shaking his head and managing to somehow sound condescending and concerned at the same time. "Here."
He takes off his jacket and slides closer to drape it across Ed's shoulders. Ed twitches. Ling tucks the front across Ed's chest, letting his fingers linger around Ed's collarbones and leaning very close.
"Stop," Ed says. "Holy shit. My cousin is literally inside you right now."
He doesn't laugh. It's really hard, the joke is right there.
"Oh come on," says Ling. "He's asleep."
"You're a terrible liar," Ed tells him. "Gross. This is why you're always getting headaches, isn't it? Greed has to drown out your weird pervy thoughts about me."
"That hardly seems relevant," Ling pouts. Ed shoves him backwards and he goes over the other side of the log, landing in a puddle.
"Besides," Ed says, because they're all equal opportunity assholes around here. "I wouldn't want to make Greed jealous."
*
Pride takes over Al's body and it's like every nightmare Ed had as a child all combined into one and come to life. Ed has always known what Pride is capable of, even if nobody else had believed him.
Leaving Al and Pride trapped together and alone and angry feels like watching Al's body disappear for a second time, but this time Ed isn't alone and there's no last minute stopgap.
"I hate you," he tells Hohenheim, and means it more than he's ever meant it before.
*
Envy brags openly about almost killing Hughes, and Mustang starts to burn them alive, and inside Ed's head all he can hear is static and screaming and all he can smell is smoke and hospital antiseptic. He remembers Lust sitting at his bedside, a week after the worst day of his life. He remembers sitting at Hughes kitchen table, first night in a new city and already warm and fed and part of a family.
Ed leaves when Mustang tells him to go. Scar eventually turns back. Ed doesn't. If Ed doesn't know the result of the fight, he doesn't have to consider the ramifications. If Ed doesn't know, then Envy and Roy are both still alive.
*
At some point Sloth apparently makes friends with the Armstrongs, and Greedling makes friends with the idea of being a fucking field commander or something, so at least somebody's having a good day. Ed doesn’t know about Fu or Buccaneer at this point. That comes later.
Mustang won't tell him what happened to Envy, and then there's no time to worry about anything but surviving and stopping his uncle before there's no world left.
Ed has known Greed for as long as he's been alive, and has spent the last six months in close quarters, so he knows what his cousin is planning to do even before Ling does. He manages to shove Greedling far enough from the fight that Sloth, even injured and drained, can fucking sit on him or whatever until any opportunity to stupid self-sacrifice has been thoroughly dismissed.
He knows Greed, but it's only here and now that he understands for the first time that he doesn’t know King. Wrath. A man with no name, Scar will tell him, later.
His cousin looks like he's aged thirty years since the last time Ed saw him, but his sword arm is still powerful, his eyes still burning with a glorious sort of rage, his philosopher's stone still enough of a lure. Ed shouldn't be bothered watching his uncle (no, if he won't call Hohenheim father, the Dwarf in the Flask sure as shit doesn’t get to be called uncle) reaching into his own son's body to literally rip his soul out of him, but there's always been a tiny part of Ed that considered Wrath indestructible. Ed hates him, but he never expected to watch him die.
He doesn't know what Wrath does once he's inside the Dwarf. Doesn't think he wants to know. He can't imagine what Wrath might be capable of when he has nothing to lose.
*
"I hate him," Greed says. "I can’t believe he fucking stole my heroic sacrifice from me. I hope it hurt when he died. I hope it hurt a lot."
"Shut up," says Ling, and yeah, watching them switch control of the body so rapidly is still unsettling. "I'm still unbelievably angry at you."
*
"I can't restore her," Dr. Marco says, staring down at Lust's stone. "But I can use the stone to heal Mr. Hughes."
Ed looks back at Al and Sloth and Greed where they're clustered behind him, and then across the hospital bed at Gracia and Alicia and Roy.
"Yeah," he says. "Yes. You should do that."