Chapter Text
If there was one thing that would surprise Kakashi in this world that consists of Shinobi, Rabbit Goddess, the dead deciding that their grave's not a good place to rest, a jounin in a leotard suit and a blond idiot befriending a creature of rage and chakra— that would be time travel.
Sure, the Hiraishin Seal revolves around the concept of Space-Time continuum and that jazz (even though he'd already moved on from Minato-sensei's death and he was given the notes on how the seal works, he never bothered to learn it and passed the notes to Naruto, it's his student's decision if he would revived the famed seal) and his Kamui works (worked) on the fundamentals of space, so he really shouldn't be surprised if time travel was really real. Still, Kakashi for a moment there believed that even with everything that happened with his life, there's still something such as normalcy in there. But no can do, of course there's no such thing as that word when it involves his life, he really should erase it in his vocabulary and replace it with: 'your-life's-shit-Kakashi-why-are-you-even-surprised?'
The thing is, as Kakashi stared at his unblemished and chibified hands, he wondered with 20% surprise and 80% resignment what the hell even is his life? Time travel? Really? Of all the possible things that could happen to him, why was it even time travel? And why him? Of all people, why him?! He would expect this kind of thing to happen to his blond student but not to him. He's not that careless and bullheaded to be the accidental victim of this time traveling business!
(He's not even the main character for Kami's sake! Why did this happen to him?)
Kakashi in all his thirty-something turned five-year-old glory felt a bone deep tiredness that he just flopped his body on the ground without a care for the dirt in his clothes. He started humming a song and wondered how tiny his voice was when he was a child. He always hum a song to himself whenever he's trying to calm himself. It's a song he remembered his father used to sing at him to sleep and he always felt calm whenever he hears it.
(A thought poked his brain, repeatedly telling him that "he's alive, Papa's alive, he's alive, he's alivealivealivealivealive—")
Kakashi's thoughts were abruptly interrupted when he heard something. He tried to focus on what he's hearing because the voice sounded quite familiar.
"... death and its concept are absolutely empty. It is either real or it is not real. If it is real, then the end of one's life is a conclusion— a simple termination. If it is not real, then the end of one's physical life is not true death, but a portal to another life. But was it? Was it really a portal? Death may be seen as a means of an end but was it really an end if there's no such thing as a meaning to life?"
The chibified Hatake stood up and took a peek from his position on who on Elemental Nations would say such a thing. Kakashi looked at Orochimaru and thought, "maa, he needs therapy."
A few feet away from Kakashi, Orochimaru wore a blank expression as he talked to the grave he's standing in front of. He was wearing a black kimono underneath a black haori, paired with black pants and shinobi sandals. It may be the first time that Kakashi saw the man wearing something like this but based on the state of the grave and the grass that surrounds it, the person's death who Orochimaru's talking to wasn't recent but the man was still grieving. His words may sound detached and indifferent but Kakashi knew grief better than anyone else. He knew that people cope differently and no matter how many years has passed since the person's death was, moving on was not the easiest thing to do.
Come on, it took the Fourth Shinobi War before Kakashi really moved on from his sensei's death and it took seeing Obito be who he once was again before he finally got to forgive and stopped blaming himself about Obito's not-really-death and Rin's suicide by his hands.
Unlike his future self, Orochimaru didn't look as derange as he was after he was convicted as a criminal by the village for his crimes. No, this Orochimaru looked like someone who slowly lost everything and would also lose himself in the process. Kakashi knew that look. He used to see that look whenever he stared at himself in front of the mirror after another successful mission in his ANBU team.
Another death to pile up to his long list of deaths.
Another blood on his hands.
Another guilt to carry.
It was too much for him to bear.
His only reconciliation was that after that time, Sandaime-sama forced him to leave the ANBU to teach a bunch of cute Genins. He didn't like it at first because whenever he looked at the faces of three innocent children, he couldn't help but remember what he once had and lost. But look how things went for him. Those three cute kids helped him find a way out of the road of life. They might have brought him a lot of pain and a lot of contemplation of cutting his hair bald due to stress, but they helped him punt his guilt ridden ass to move on with life.
Kakashi immediately scrambled to hide his tiny body behind the tree that he's peeking from when he heard a second voice aside from Orochimaru.
"... Orochimaru, I have young subjects available for you to experiment on. Orphan children. They're unneeded but will be valuable for the village if the experimentation would be a success. You will experiment on them, and share your results with me. It is a part of Root program that I've talked to you about. The Hokage ordered it to be disbanded, but it is for the good of the village."
Forgotten memories of rage started stirring up at Kakashi's system as he heard what the warhawk has said.
Even without further explanations from the man, he heard the implication that if shit hits the fan, all this would be blamed on the Sannin. That's what happened to the future-past and who could say that it won't happen again? This is Orochimaru. If he accepted the old man's proposal—
"No," the Sannin answered in a quiet voice but it still managed to reach Kakashi's ears, "I've already refused your proposal when you first talked to me about it. You don't have the Hokage's permission, it will all blow up in our faces when he finds out what we're doing behind his back."
Danzo grunted in displeasure before he started walking away but without saying something for the last time, "think about it, Orochimaru. You're wasting your time wallowing at the absence of your teammates. They are a bunch of fools for abandoning the village and it would be foolish of you if you follow on their footsteps."
He watched as the old man wobble out of the cemetery and almost applauded him for his acting. Danzo really made others believed that he's a helpless old man by making him look like a disabled veteran shinobi. But Kakashi knew better. Behind those bandages covering the man lay dirty secrets. Unethical experimentation he did to himself by stealing other's Kekkai Genkai just so that he could disfigure himself with the taste of power.
Kakashi hugged his tiny body close to himself and started thinking. He didn't know that. He didn't know that Jiraiya and Tsunade's decision on suddenly leaving the village was one of the reasons for Orochimaru's madness.
Hmm. Kakashi's not a Nara but this is troublesome.
At first he didn't know what he would do in this time (did he really time travel? Or was he in a different dimention? Was he just de-aged? Did it really matter? He already decided that it's time travel, so time travel it shall be) but he couldn't just ignore his senses telling him that he should do something. He could distinctly remember that he wasn't the heroic type no natter what others say about his action but he started feeling this way whenever he saw Naruto doing something almost miraculous.
Maybe stupidity and heroism was contagious and Kakashi caught it form his student?
(That's the only plausible reason he could think of why he's now next to Orochimaru and tugging his sleeves to get his attention.)
(And what's with this strange urge of wanting to adopt this sad, sad man? Was it even legal to adopt him? Psychologically, he's older than Orochimaru. Does that count?)
Orochimaru looked down at him with a blank expression, not knowing why he's doing this.
Kakashi tilted his head to get a better look at the taller man, "you're not planning to leave the village, are you?"
The Sannin stared at him with an unreadable expression. Kakashi knew that with his question he just silently told the Sannin that he heard everything. If this turned out bad, he may get his tiny ass kicked by the Sannin due to his eavesdropping or if it turns into worse, he won't even have the chance to see his living and younger father because he's already buried six feet underground at where he's standing at. Atleast he should be thankful that he's already at the cemetery and not in some place where it's improper to bury a dead body.
(What even was he doing in a cemetery? Why was his chibi self in here? For all Kakashi could remember, he started going here when his father died and when his teammates started dying from left to right. Five-year-old him shouldn't even be here.)
Kakashi wasn't expecting an answer from him but he got it.
"Why would I?"
The chibified Hatake hummed to himself, coming up with a decision, "then, if you're not leaving and you have nothing else to do, do you want to have tea and dango with me?"
(Within his first few hours at the past and Kakashi's already making a mess. Yay.)
(It's Team Seven's curse, of course he would make a mess out of everything.)
(And it's not like Kakashi would just stay put and let the events from the future-past happen before his very eyes. Oh no, he's lazy but not that lazy.)
(In his mind, Kakashi understood that if his cute students were in this situation, they would probably revolutionize the whole of Elemental Nations.)
(So yeah, he would fuck this world time up.)
Notes:
For those of y'all who came from Traversing Golden Waters, welcome, my little ducklings, to another work of where-the-hell's-the-plot and what-the-frick-is-even-happening-in-this? Y'all could read this as a stand alone fic but some of the anecdotes in the TGW's future-past would also be used in this.
The title's inspired from Lemony Snicket's if you could tell.
Join me at my Discord server: https://discord.gg/kUfy5qkXDY
I DO NOT OWN NARUTO (╯°□°)╯︵ ┻━┻
Drink yo water and calm down, bitch.
— Segnor
Chapter 2
Summary:
And he went tumbling down with the grace of a discombobulated deer— which to say, has no grace at all.
Notes:
(See the end of the chapter for notes.)
Chapter Text
The forty-something— thirty-something... The something-something Rokudaime of Konohagakure leaned back in his chair as he finished signing the papers Shikamaru gave to him three hours ago. He smirked to himself as he eyed the stack of papers in front of him and satisfaction started bubbling in his stomach. He was about to pull out his copy of Icha Icha when there was a knock at the door of his office and the Nara stepped inside, clutching another stack of paper in his chest.
"Hokage-sama, these are the papers you requested for the renovation of the Academy," the advisor said in a lazy tone— successfully vanishing Kakashi's satisfied smirk on his lips.
Kakashi eyed the pile of papers as if it's the second coming of Uchiha Madara. For all he could remember, he didn't request another batch of workload.
This was the reason why he never accepted the Sandaime's offer for him to take the hat and did everything in his ability to not make it happen. Imagine his pain when all of a sudden Tsunade decided that she wouldn't be Hokage anymore because as she said "I won't let this position stop me from drinking anymore, gaki" and after that, she flung the hat to Kakashi and suddenly vanished to the pubs of nowhere. Kakashi would pass it to Naruto since his cute student really wanted the position ever since he was a child and Naruto was the hero of the Fourth Shinobi War, people wouldn't question him for his decision to pass it to him.
But he's not irresponsible enough to pass it to his student. Kakashi immediately concluded that at the first day of Naruto being the Hokage, Konoha would burn down to ashes. So, Kakashi has no choice but to accept the position that has enough paperworks to bury his body deep underground.
(And also, Tsunade threatened to castrate him if he did not accept the hat.)
"Can't you just do it for me, Shikamaru? I trust your judgement," Kakashi said in a mild tone, wishing that his emotional manipulation of the Nara would work— but of course, Shikamaru would always be a Nara, something like a compliment wouldn't work on them.
"It needs the Hokage's signature. I'm the Hokage's advisor and not the Hokage himself," the pineapple head answered, placing his hands inside his pockets.
Kakashi gave his advisor an eye-smile and started working. Naruto and his lot. The stressful bunch. Why are teenagers like this? When Kakashi was Shikamaru's age, he was already an ANBU Captain leading his team—
The Hatake stopped his train of thoughts. He's not really the best example of how a normal teenager should act, so he should just zip it and continue working.
"Is Naruto planning to celebrate his birthday today?" The Nara in the room suddenly asked.
"I don't think he will," Kakashi shrugged his shoulders and placed his pen down, mildly thankful that Shikamaru's interrupting him in his work and giving Kakashi a legitimate excuse on why he's so slow at finishing his papers, "maa, he forgot about it. Asking me why would I give him notes on Fuinjutsu seals as a birthday present."
Kakashi huffed a laugh as he remembered his and Naruto's conversation earlier. When he looked up at his advisor, he saw him giving an unreadable stare. Has he said something wrong?
"You gifted Naruto notes on Fuinjutsu seals?" Shikamaru asked.
"Yes?" Kakashi asked, wondering what's going through the tactician's mind.
"Troublesome," Shikamaru muttered to himself.
"What is?"
"Are you certain that it's the best decision to give seals to him, Hokage-sama?" He raised an eyebrow as Kakashi nodded. "This is Naruto. Naruto. And you gave him Fuinjutsu seals. Naruto and seals."
A memory slowly slitted through Kakashi's mind and if he wasn't Hatake Kakashi, he would already be slamming his head in his desk for how stupid his decision was. For a renowned genius, Kakashi's sometimes is an idiot and he would proudly admit that to anyone who knew what he just did. He should've known that when Naruto called the Fuinjutsu seals as 'squiggles' and would look good as a house decoration that his decision to give Minato-sensei and Kushina-neesan's notes as a gift was a very bad idea.
"This matter is more important than paperwork," Kakashi stated and stood up from his seat, slightly relieved that he could finally escape from all his work, his advisor watched him as he jumped from his window and jumped from roof to roof.
Within a minute, he arrived at the front steps of his student's apartment and he willed himself to knock on the door. When he received no reply from his second knock, Kakashi decided to break the door down and what greeted him was the sight of the bare apartment living room, scrolls and notes scattered everywhere and Kakashi stopped scanning the empty place as his eyes stopped in the middle of the mess where a scroll was opened. Kakashi hovered his hands on top of the open scroll and he wanted to tear his hair out when he felt two signs of chakra in the scroll and what the Fuinjutsu seals meant.
It was a prototype for the Hiraishin Seal but as Kakashi studied the scroll, it was more complex than the famed seal and it was still incomplete. Inserting just a tiny amount of chakra to the seal would make it go haywire and can send someone lost in time and space. And the chakra Kakashi felt at the scroll belonged to his student and to the Kyuubi inside him. It was bad news. It's very bad.
Kakashi grimaced.
There were no more Fuinjutsu masters at the village ever since Jiraiya passed away. He was one of the greatest and he was also one of the last in Konoha. Kakashi was a student of Namikaze Minato, also a seal master, and he knew some basic sealing but his knowledge for the art wouldn't solve this problem. Naruto's probably lost somewhere in the past or in the future and Kakashi couldn't think of a way on how to help bring him back.
(This was all his fault.)
The Rokudaime Hokage stopped the guilt trip he was about to ascend into when he remembered an incident when his students were a bunch of genins. Well— there is one person he knew who may or may not be knowledgeable enough to help him with this.
"Was Minato suicidal?" Was Orochimaru's first word after his five minutes of silence as he looked at the content of the sealing scroll. His golden gaze pierced the scroll, studying each and every line of the seal.
"What do you mean? Gimme that." Tsunade said in a drunken voice and snatched the scroll from Orochimaru's hands. The Godaime Hokage squinted her eyes at what she's holding and drank her sake directly from the bottle, "what the everloving shit is this? Was that Namikaze brat planning to send Konoha to the moon?!"
"Is this really the best place to talk about something like this?" Shikamaru asked at Kakashi's side as he impassively roamed his eyes at the pub. Kakashi joined his advisor and watched the scenery inside the pub they're sitting at.
Loud cheers erupted from the corner opposite them as one of the gamblers lost all his winnings, drunk laughter could be heard as one of the travelers visiting Konoha regaled the local drunks of his tales about his journeys, a brawl would probably erupt soon as there was an angry yell and an offended squawk from the two nins drinking at the counter and Kakashi rested his eyes at the two drunk Sannin in front of him, one was yelling how 'idiotic that pretty face Yondaime' was and one was full-blown muttering incomprehensibly about seals, Konoha and suicidal.
Because of Orochimaru's cooperation at the Fourth Shinobi War, he was pardoned for his crimes.
It was a jarring process as they untangled all the crimes he did towards Konoha and its citizens but even though the Council was full-on against the plan to pardon the Snake Sannin, Tsunade threatened them all that they would follow Danzo in an early (not really early if you consider their age) grave. The Council conceded after a few weeks in a condition that Orochimaru would swore an oath that he would never commit harm towards the village again.
Kakashi thought that Orochimaru would not accept the condition but he really shouldn't be surprised when he saw the Sannin pub-hopping with Tsunade after the latter passed the hat on. The citizens weren't even complaining about how Orochimaru could roam the village freely because after all that had happened, criminals being pardoned wasn't really what they should be thinking of.
"And the gaki just placed his and the Kyuubi's chakra on this?!" Tsunade yelled and pointed a hand at the scroll, "father and son, both idiots! And don't let me start on Kushina! What is with that family? Who supervised their wedding and thought that it'll be a good match?! Why was no one sane at this village!"
Kakashi felt a sweat drop in his forehead as Tsunade finished ranting and waves his hands, trying to placate the drunk Senju woman, "maa, maa, Tsunade-sama. Calm down, here have another bottle."
The Hatake could feel Shikamaru's judgemental stare at his side, silently telling him that 'she's already drunk, why are you offering her another bottle?' as Kakashi gave Tsunade another drink. And as Tsunade joyfully chugged on the bottle while Kakashi was cheering her on, Shikamaru sighed as if saying 'how did these two managed to become the Hokage?' and Kakashi mentally sent his sympathies to the Nara because Naruto would be worse than the two of them combined— that is if they could find him. Kakashi was suddenly brought back to reality at the thought of his student.
"Do you know how we could find Naruto?" Kakashi asked the Snake Sannin. Orochimaru suddenly stopped his mumblings as he finally turned his attention back to what Kakashi asked from him.
"No," Orochimaru said truthfully and silence enveloped their table at his word.
Tsunade stared at her once-upon-a-time teammate, may or may not be her friend and her drinking buddy, alcohol instantly drained from her system, "couldn't you think of another way? I know this seal is impossible to even comprehend at this incomplete state but you could think of a way, right?"
"You shouldn't raise your hopes, Hime," Orochimaru answered and shrugged his shoulders languidly, "one wrong move and just like what you said, this seal could transfer Konoha to the moon. It's incomplete— faulty and that means it's very dangerous at this state. I'm surprised that Naruto didn't manage to make this seal activate fully with his chakra. The Kyuubi must have managed to contain it that the only damaged done was to him and to his container. The Uzumaki was either lost in the past or in the future. He might even be in another dimension for all I know."
"Alive?" Shikamaru interjected and the silence coming from the Sannin was enough of an answer.
"This is bullshit!" Tsunade yelled and her hands glowed as she threw the scroll at Kakashi's face, "why did you even give that idiot Fuinjutsu scrolls?!"
Kakashi was about to defend himself, not from the verbal attack but from the physical one because Kami knows what would happen to someone who talks back to a drunk Tsunade, when his reflexes weren't fast enough to avoid the scroll that hit his face.
He groaned in pain and he was sure that a bump would form in his forehead from the impact of the attack and as he tried to rub his face, his eyes grew wide at the sight of the scroll in his lap— glowing and the squiggles were moving in a rapid rate.
And that's when oblivion took him down— like a southpaw boxer using his famous uppercut— knocking him out and sending him tumbling in a different dimension that he would deny with all his might and tell himself that it's just time travel (it really isn't).
(When did his life suddenly turned into a gag manga?)
(Why couldn't it just be Icha Icha, then?)
Kakashi wiggled his toes, staring with wide eyes at its small size while his chibified hands were continously patting his small body. Instead of mentally asking himself on why the hell he just time traveled, Kakashi wondered why he wasn't wearing his shinobi sandals and mask. For all he could remember, at the age of five, he's already hiding half of his face and he tended to wear shinobi clothing because he's a cute little kid like that.
But now that he's in his five-year-old body because of time travel and wearing a loose white yukata with no footwear in sight, Kakashi was curious on what has gotten into his past-self's mind that pushed him to wear something like this.
(Oh... And why was he in a cemetery of all places?)
(His past-self was weird.)
(Time travel's weird.)
Notes:
I hope I did justice to Kakashi's characterization, I didn't know that it's actually hard to write someone as laidback as him. And yep, this chapter was Kakashi's point of view after the second chapter of Traversing Golden Waters, hope y'all won't be too confused. It's okay to not read that though, because this and that fic won't be too heavily connected but it would be cool if you haven't read that yet and you would read it now because of my blatant display of endorsement here.
I just finished watching Exodus: Gods and Kings (again) when I suddenly had the urge to write this chapter and I don't know why I felt odd about it.
I currently brought myself back to the KHR fandom because I saw a picture of Reborn on my twitter account and I suddenly missed that cute hitman! Seriously, who doesn't love Reborn? He's the most adorable! And uh ... I'm just drifting into space because all my fic subscriptions hasn't been updating for weeks and it's kinda frustrating with how hooked I am to their works! Deym!
Thank you for the support and the love, I really appreciate it!
Drink yo water and calm down, bitch.
— Segnor
Chapter 3
Summary:
Humans evolved. Talks of hallucinations. And what the hell even is happening?
Notes:
(See the end of the chapter for notes.)
Chapter Text
Kakashi was pleasantly surprised when the Snake Sannin accepted his sudden invitation for a dango and tea, what he was irritated for was the man's continuous refusal to talk back to him.
Thinking back at his words, Kakashi thought that there weren't anything he said that was remotely offending for him to receive such treatment from the older man. The chibified Hatake has been pondering this thought in his mind for the past thirty minutes of silence from the Sannin. The only time the man spoke was when he was ordering a plate of dango and a matcha tea for himself. Kakashi shrugged his shoulders when the man didn't even ask what he wanted and just ordered food for himself, so when his orders arrived at their shared table, he unceremoniously stole a stick of dango for himself and shoved three pieces in his mouth as if he's a hungry chipmunk fresh out of its hibernation period. If the Sannin would ignore him, then fine, he would eat his food in return.
He ignored the older man's eyeing him with an expression of confusion and curiosity and proceeded to devour the food in front of him.
"How come you're eating?" Orochimaru asked him looking at his full cheeks.
And now, he's asking him that? What's with this younger Orochimaru?
"Because I'm hungry."
Orochimaru knitted his eyebrows in confusion, "but you aren't supposed to even feel hunger."
What now?
Kakashi chewed thoughtfully and eyed the man in front of him. For all Kakashi could remember, Orochimaru was known as a brilliant man, whether his brilliance was ethical or not, that's always unmentioned. He wasn't one of the sanest or the most moral, but still, Orochimaru is an intelligent man. He's a scientist for Kami's sake! Why was he asking him that question?
"I am supposed to feel hunger because there are cells in the human body, particularly in the stomach and intestine that produce ghrelin, a hormone that triggers feelings of hunger in me and I'm sure you know that," Kakashi answered as factually as possible, "and I'm a growing boy, which means I need all the nutrients and vitamins I can get to support my healthily growing body."
After seconds of just staring at him, digesting his words, Orochimaru finally nodded and said, "ah, yes, you have evolved."
What.
Kakashi's expression turned blank with the man's words.
What did he say?
Evolved?
Him? He evolved?
What does that even mean?
What was Orochimaru even talking about?
(Has he truly gone insane at this time, then?)
It's highly improbable that Orochimaru didn't know how anatomy works— especially that of a human— so, it's impossible for him if he didn't know how a younger one does. Humans don't just evolve. It's not like humans don't feel hunger at their infant stage and as they grow older, there would be an evolution in their body that would give them the ability to feel hunger, thus, making them require sustenance: constantly being fed and watered. That's not how it works.
Instead of being stressed and pointing out to the older man how Kakashi found his logic interesting and insane, Kakashi being the master of keeping his cool even under the Tsunade's irate mood, he nodded and closed his eye for his infamous eye-smile. It would look weird because he wasn't currently wearing his mask and he might have looked like Sai at this point but Kakashi doesn't care. His student was lost in time or in some dimension, a Fuinjutsu scroll was thrown at his face that made him travel back to the past, he woke up with no sandals and mask, heard a philosophical inquiry about life and death, Danzo suddenly appeared like a freaking annoying mushroom and tried to seduce (not really) Orochimaru with his offers and he was ignored by the latter.
He wasn't having a good day, okay?
No matter how optimistically pessimist Kakashi was, even he would feel bad with how his day turned out.
(And his situation was the result of him trying to escape from his paperworks. Maa~)
"What are you even doing?" Orochimaru asked.
"Chewing?" Kakashi answered— more like asked back.
"That's not what I meant," the Sannin told him, "why are you eating and not talking to me about that nonsense they called conscience?"
Kakashi placed another piece of dango in his mouth as he lightly asked, "should I? Do you want me to?"
Orochimaru hummed and took a sip of his matcha tea, "that's how my normal hallucinations went."
What.
Again, Kakashi's expression turned blank.
"Hallucinations..." Kakashi echoed, "... you think I'm a hallucination?"
"Aren't you? That's why you suddenly appeared next to me at the cemetery when Danzo was convincing me of accepting his plans— to plead to me that I should never accept what he's offering and try to guilt me of my past actions," Orochimaru answered as if this thing was a normal thing to talk to.
(It's not.)
(It's really not.)
"Do you always experience hallucinating?" Kakashi asked after gathering his thoughts, concerned for the Sannin because what... the... hell.
Orochimaru just told him that he thought Kakashi was a hallucination of his! Was that the reason why he was ignored earlier? Because if Orochimaru was hallucinating and he's in a public place, it would be odd if people saw him talking to air. They would think that he's a looney and have gone cray-cray.
"Not really. It started when Jiraiya and Tsunade left the village and there was no one who would talk to me about what is moral or what is not," the Sannin stated and Kakashi noticed that his voice was a bit subdued, "though it is a bit interesting how I am completely aware that you are just a hallucination but my mind still won't stop on making you. And what's new is that even you are aware that you are just something created from my mind but you've felt hunger. My hallucinations don't normally eat. And no matter how much I think about it, I can't stop but see you eating and my plate's slowly turning empty. Isn't it fascinating how brain works?"
Kakashi heaved a deep sigh. Just like what he thought earlier, Orochimaru needed help. And with how their conversation was turning out, he really, really needed it.
"Maa, I don't want to burst your bubble but I'm not a hallucination, you're not imagining me," Kakashi sympathetically told the pale man.
(Kakashi had his fair share of hallucinations ever since he saw his father in a pool of blood and when the people surrounding him started dying in front of him. So, he could sympathize with the Sannin that it wasn't a fun experience. Especially when they started talking and blaming him for the things he thought was his fault. It normally didn't happen but when he's in a generally bad day— for example, when he was welcomed in the Uchiha District with pools of blood and gore when Itachi was ordered to kill his family— he would get them. He would feel thankful when it's just one person, like Obito looking at him with blood dripping from his right eye and blaming him for not saving him and his clan, because when it truly gets bad, his hallucinations would start tearing his mind apart.)
(It was a relief when he finally had the chance to accept that those things weren't even his fault. And then they stopped. He finally stopped seeing them. What a relief he felt.)
"Who are you, then?" Orochimaru asked.
"Hatake Kakashi," and cue eye-smile.
Orochimaru blinked at his answer. He hummed and arched an eyebrow, "Sakumo's son?"
Kakashi nodded, glad that Orochimaru recognized him as his father's son because that would mean that his father was still alive at this point (a small huzzah!).
Orochimaru was about to say something to him when Kakashi felt muted chakras approaching them and in just a matter of three seconds, they were surrounded by an ANBU squad. He wasn't surprised at their appearance unlike the other shinobi patrons at the dango shop because Kakashi was accustomed to the feel of muted chakra when he was still an ANBU Captain. That was one of the reasons why even when someone tries to sneak past him, masking and suppressing their chakra, he would still feel them. He's not a born sensor but he seemed to develop it as years and experience passed him by.
"Orochimaru-sama, you've been summoned by the Hokage," ANBU Neko stated in a blank tone.
The summoned Sannin nodded primly at the ANBU as he stood from his seat, preparing to leave when Kakashi was addressed.
"And he ordered to bring the child with you," And just like a fairy, the ANBU vanished in a pixie dust, not really, they vanished in a Shunshin (the showoffs), leaving leaves and making the staff of the shop groan in irritation.
Orochimaru and Kakashi were left staring at each other, both internally asking the question why Kakashi was even summoned. It's not like he did a major offense to the village by inviting the Sannin for a dango and tea, right?
Or did Sandaime-sama found out what had transpired with Orochimaru and Danzo earlier?
(Nah.)
(That's impossible.)
Kakashi arrived at the Hokage's office with him being carried in a fireman's carry by Orochimaru.
He didn't want others finding out that he has skills his normal five-year-old didn't have so, he gave up to the fact that he would be carried by the Sannin if they wanted to immediately appear at the Hokage's office. Apparently, Orochimaru didn't know how to normally carry a child but being the war veteran, he's familiar with how one should carry an injured comrade. Hence, why Kakashi's currently in a fireman's carry. He didn't say a thing though, just accepting that Orochimaru and normal were not supposed to be in the same sentence.
"You can let me down now," Kakashi lightly said and the Sannin did as what he asked.
He saw the pale man inclining his head at the Hokage and Kakashi straightened his kimono first before looking up at the Sandaime Hokage.
What.
Kakashi felt winds knocking up his sails when kind and worn gray eyes pierced him.
"Ka... kashi?"
Said man turned child was giving the man sitting at the Hokage's seat a wide-eye stare, "Papa?"
"... Why... H-how are you alive?"
Notes:
For some strange reason, my stupid ass decided that I should have a cup of coffee at 11 pm and here I am, body pumped up with adrenaline and head suffering from the pangs of headache. I've had three cups of coffee because I really enjoyed my blend and now I'm suffering at 5 am! Help! I'm an idiot! Help me!
THANK YOU FOR ALL THE SUPPORT, MY DUCKLINGS! If I could all just hug you personally, I wouldn't because I don't like people touching me— the point is, I'm just so grateful for all the hits, kudos and the reviews! Just the thought that someone liking my work sends me extra adrenaline and now, I prolly have to dance just to shake this extra energy off!
(I'm truly sorry for not being able to reply to the comments! I was fixing my e-mail because the notifications and messages turned busted but I've finished fixing it so that now, I would be able to!)
P. S. I made this note when I finished this chapter yesterday but now, it's still midnight and just like yesterday, I have a lot of energy to burn.
Don't drink coffee when it's supposed to be your bedtime!
— Segnor
Chapter Text
Hatake Sakumo was a simple man. And his world revolves around three basic principle.
Principle number 3: He's a good shinobi. This principle was a simple fact that made him continue being a good shinobi till this day. It made him remember who he was and who he is now. A shinobi. That's who he is. And that's who he would always be.
Principle number 2: He's a loyal citizen of Konoha. Being a loyal citizen of the village was the fact that pushed him into partaking in the shinobi world. When he saw that he was needed by the village, he took a path that would make him content and at the same time, regretful on taking.
And the last and most important principle, principle number 1: He loved his son more than anything in the world. Kakashi. He was the reminder of his late wife. The reminder that he used to have everything he could ever asked for and he slowly lost it only for it to be replaced by a small bundle of joy that he named as Kakashi. Kakashi was his everything.
Kakashi was his world.
Hatake Sakumo was a simple man. He doesn't crave money, power, women, vices. He doesn't crave for those things when his world revolved around the three principle that he would always keep in his heart. That's why when he lost his first and most important principle, he lost everything.
Because Kakashi was his world. He would always be his world. He was his everything.
He broke down at the sight of his small child, pale and cold in his bed.
He broke down as he watched the coffin being buried six feet underground.
He broke down when he went home and was greeted by no one, never would he accept the fact that his child died before him and he would truly be alone.
It was not meant to happen. Kakashi wasn't supposed to be dead. If only he didn't leave for his mission out of the village. If only he refused the mission because his son was sick. If he just noticed that Kakashi wasn't feeling normal, he wouldn't be taken away from him. Then he wouldn't arrive to their empty house, seeing Kakashi lying in his bed, not breathing and body so cold from the touch.
The hospital told him that it was from a fever. Kakashi died from the severe case of fever. It seemed that when he left Kakashi for a mission, his body was burning from fever due to how he overworked he was from the training. It was a simple case of fever that could be cured with the right treatment and rest but even if Kakashi was a child genius, he was still a child. He ignored what his body was telling him to do and instead of resting, he still trained even in an overworked body. He slept but he didn't manage to wake up— his young body giving up on him.
The days after his son's funeral were one of the worst days in his life.
It was cold, silent and downright miserable due to the absence of Kakashi. He was certain that until this day, he didn't move on. He couldn't. He wouldn't. And when he couldn't take it anymore, his life having no meaning at all if he wouldn't be able to be with his son, he decided that it was enough. It was time for him to rest too. He just wanted to see his son again and maybe, maybe if he did this, he would be able to join him.
But when he was about to slice his tanto in his stomach, he heard a knocking sound at his door. He stood up from his kneeling position, intending to shoo away the person that interrupted him from his meeting with his son, when he was greeted by the sight of the Sandaime Hokage that looked at him as if he could see past his soul. He probably could, judging by the way how his eyes turned into sorrow when he met Sakumo's grieving one.
He really meant it. He was really planning on it. He really wanted to be with his son again, but then the Hokage asked him a simple question.
Sakumo wasn't sure anymore.
("Will your son be happy if you did that?" Sarutobi Hiruzen asked, sitting in front of him, eyes settling at his defeated form.)
Kakashi wouldn't.
He would never be happy if he knew what he was planning to do. If he knew any better, and Sakumo knew his son well, he's sure that the small child would detest it. He would be outraged if he found out that his father died because of him and he would even blame himself because of it. Kakashi, even with the attitude no five-year-old should have, was a very kind child. Sakumo knew that Kakashi followed the shinobi rule book to the T because he wanted to be a great shinobi for the village. He was doing things at a young age, unconsciously sacrificing himself for the betterment of Konoha when he should be collecting friends and playing, laughing and having fun with them.
He felt resigned when he realized how Kakashi would feel at the thought of him ending his own life just so he could finally be with him. He didn't want that. It would be very unfair to Kakashi. His son didn't deserve a father that would just give up on living.
But should he continue it? Now that it's meaningless? Now that his world was snatched away from him? What even was the purpose of living if he has nothing to live for?
And as if seeing what he felt, Hiruzen-sama made him an offer that he wouldn't be able to refuse because he imagined how Kakashi would react at the thought that he would be the next Hokage.
Kakashi would be overjoyed. He would be ecstatic. He would try to hide it behind his veneer of childish aloofness. But Sakumo knew that Kakashi would be happy. It would even make him smile.
(If he accepted the position of the Hokage because he imagined how his dead son would look at him, nobody needed to know.)
Sakumo was a simple man that loved his child more than he loved his life and in doing so, he chose to continue living.
That's why when one of his ANBU reported that a child that looks exactly like his Kakashi was seen eating at a dango shop with a certain Sannin, he couldn't believe it.
He wouldn't believe it until he saw the Sannin arriving at his office carrying a small child wearing a kimono that has gray hair like Sakumo's. A child that looks exactly like his Kakashi. Someone whose voice was the exact copy of his son.
It's him.
Even when it has been many times since he refused to accept to the fact that his son was dead, he couldn't ignore that it was the reality. And he couldn't do something about it. It would be very cruel of him if he used a Forbidden Jutsu that could resurrect his son into the world of the living. It would be very unfair for Kakashi if he did live again when he truly wasn't alive and just cheating death.
"What did you do?" Sakumo whirled at the Sannin standing next to the confused replica of his son.
He didn't want to point fingers and blame the man and he was past judging someone based on how rumors perceive them as but he couldn't help it. He didn't know what to do. He didn't know how this could happen.
Sakumo's gray eyes pinned Kakashi with such intensity that he could almost see every details of him. From his slightly wrinkled kimono that Sakumo dressed him up as his funeral robes, his gravity-defying flop of spiky gray hair, his pale face, the beauty mark under the left side of his lips that his son used to hate with all his passion, his wide and confused dark gray eyes— down to the lack of footwear and the absence of the usual mask that covered the lower part of his face, hiding how adorably innocent he looked.
It was Kakashi.
"Nothing," Sakumo was woken up from his thoughts as the Snake Sannin's voice reached his hearing, "I did nothing, Hokage-sama. If you assumed that I used a Forbidden Jutsu to resurrect your dead son, you're wrong. I just encountered him at the cemetery wearing funeral robes and he invited me to eat dango to which I accepted."
Orochimaru's blunt words reached him and Sakumo saw how Kakashi fought back a wince. He drunk his son's expression like an animal devoid of water, and concluded that what the Sannin has said was probably true based on how Kakashi reacted to it.
"Thank you for the... information," Sakumo said after telling himself that he's the Hokage and he should act like one, "if you would please leave us, I need to talk to..." 'my son,' Sakumo wanted to add but he couldn't. Afraid that if he did, Kakashi would vanish in front of him.
He didn't hear what Orochimaru's reply was or if he did reply but when he heard the door to his office closing and the ANBU hidden inside his office suddenly disappeared, leaving him and his... son inside, he stood up from his seat. He slowly approached the child, careful in his steps like how a predator would prowl his prey, eyes never leaving the small body in front of him. He crouched down so that he could be eye level with the child and he raised his hand to touch the face of his son. After few centimeters away from the child's face, his hand stop.
Again, he felt afraid that if he did this, Kakashi would simply vanish before him.
A sob escaped his lips without his consent as Kakashi stepped forward and flung himself at him. Small hands wrapping around his neck as his own hands wrapped the smaller body against his.
Kakashi was warm. He was warm. And he was breathing.
He was alive.
Kakashi was alive.
"I'm sorry," Sakumo cried as he buried his head into his son's unruly hair, "Kakashi, I'm so sorry Papa wasn't there for you... I'm so sorry."
It wasn't the news of him dying that rattled Kakashi to the bones.
It was the look his father sent him when Orochimaru and the ANBU exited the room.
He recognized the look. It was the one he wore when he found his father's dead body inside their living room. His father grieved for him as much as Kakashi had grieved for all those he lost. And it made his mask of aloofness break as he realized that his death was the reason why his father was sporting such a defeated look in his face.
So, when he saw his father hesitating to touch him, he flung himself at the man without reservation that technically, he's older than his physical age suggested and a man his age shouldn't be doing something such as this.
He savored the warmth enveloping him. Letting his father cry at the top of his head while Kakashi was thanking all the Kami that has existed for giving him the chance of embracing his father again.
It was all he could've asked for.
Yes, he finally accepted that his father was truly dead in the future and he has moved on from that when he saw him again, waiting to see Kakashi just so he could apologize for what he did and move on, too. But he couldn't stop but feel happy that he got his father again. He got Hatake Sakumo back to him, not a vision from the afterlife and not a bastardized version of the Edo Tensei. It was him. Whole. Alive. Breathing. Without blood enveloping his whole body. Healthy if a bit lacking of sleep if the dark rings under his eyes said so.
Hatake Sakumo. The famous White Fang of Konohagakure. Hugging him.
(If there was one thing his time travel did good for him, it was this.)
(Would it be odd if he felt thankful for what Tsunade did to him even though he would probably be stuck here in this time?)
(He probably should feel angry at Tsunade for throwing a scroll at him and sticking him at the past but nah, he's a something-something Rokudaime Hokage of Konoha, Hatake Kakashi, he should accept that his life would always be weird and would never be normal again.)
"I'm sorry," his father cried as he buried his head into Kakashi's hair, "Kakashi, I'm so sorry Papa wasn't there for you... I'm so sorry."
Kakashi might not understand what his father meant with his words but he let him be.
He couldn't understand how he should be dead at this age and how his father was sitting at the Hokage's seat instead of Sandaime-sama. There were questions running rampant at the forefront of his mind but he forcefully squashed them down because he knew that his father needed him.
He let the grieving man slowly realize that he's really alive and if the Fates decided so, would not be living him soon.
(And if Kakashi shed a tear or two, no one would know.)
(His father was alive after all, it's his damn right to feel happy that he was with him again.)
(He would ask questions later.)
(And he would tease his father for looking good wearing the Hokage's robes. Maybe it's a Hatake thing— looking good while wearing the white robes. He did look good with his, after all. And he's damn well proud of it, too.)
"This is one hell of a time travel," Kakashi thought to himself still in denial.
Notes:
Dying from fever was a real thing, guys, so please take care of yourselves.
Was this chapter longer than the other chapters? *le gasp* It was! I just don't really want to cut it down into two that's why I crammed this chapter up.
I probably wouldn't be updating Traversing Golden Waters for awhile compared to this one because inspiration is fleeting and motivation evades me like I'm a plague from Egypt, discipline is something I have but lacks from it— I'm not a proper writer. I just write what's on my mind which were basically random thoughts. So, right now, I'm having ideas for this fic, I would write it before it expires on my mind.
Hullo! Am I going to fast? Please tell me if the pacing was too fast because if it is, I don't care. Just kidding! I do! I do care! It's just that, I really don't! I just really wanted for this part to be over with.
Thank you for all the hits, kudos and reviews! I'm sorry I wasn't able to reply to the comments because I have found the joy of playing online games despite my weird insistence that I would never be addicted to it. And of course, a sudden competitive streak pushed me to play and play until I ranked higher than my siblings!
Drink yo water and calm down, bitch.
— Segnor
Chapter 5
Summary:
You would think that being the Rokudaime Hokage, Kakashi would be the man with the plan. Well, think again!
Notes:
(See the end of the chapter for notes.)
Chapter Text
In under an extreme torture of genjutsu, Kakashi may or may not admit that something was wrong with this timeline. He may or may not admit that perhaps— perhaps he's really not in the past and the Fuinjutsu scroll sent him stumbling across another dimension.
But alas.
Kakashi's as stubborn as an old mule. And he's not under an extreme torture of genjutsu. So, nah. He wouldn't admit that he's in an alternate universe. He's the Rokudaime Hokage and his words are considered as a law. Well... He was the Rokudaime Hokage. But that's besides the point.
The thing that troubled him the most in this timeline was its inaccuracy of the events.
After Sakumo (he's alive! Hurrah for Sparta!)— in under so much uncertainty because he wasn't sure if he should tell him something this traumatic but Kakashi was relentless in his asking— explained to him how he died and the events that transpired after it, Kakashi wondered what the freaking hell was with this time. Sure, he could accept the fact that the reason for his death was because of how his body collapsed under the intensity of a training no five-year-old, genius or not, should experienced. But he couldn't fathom the fact that his father was the Yondaime Hokage and not Minato-sensei. AND (a very big and) that apparently ten years has passed since his death.
That means, he didn't know shit about what happened between those ten years of his death. And really?! Ten years?!
He's been dead for ten years!
He knows that the physical age of the body he's possessing (that sounds a bit ominous and completely wrong) was five years old. So, in short, he never became a Chuunin at 6, he never did become a Jounin at 10, never reached his ANBU Corp membership at 13 and Shinobi ranking aside, he never got the chance to meet Minato-sensei. And not becoming Minato-sensei's student meant a lot of things that had happened to him before never happened at all. None of Obito pretending to be a jam-filling sandwich between two boulders and none of Rin, using his own hands and invented technique to penetrate a hole where her heart should be.
If he should have been fifteen years old at this time, has the Kyuubi attacked the village yet? Did the Kannabi mission even failed? Did Obito defected and joined that coward Madara ("maa~ everyone knows you have the sweets for the Shodai, Madara, no need to destroy Konoha just to get Hashirama-sama's attention, just tell the man you love him and voila! Happily ever after," was the thought running throughout Kakashi's mind as he watched Madara taunting Hashirama-sama in the middle of the Fourth Shinobi War) in his plan to destroy the village? Has Naruto even been born yet? Has Minato-sensei and Kushina-neesan already died?
There were hundreds of thoughts and questions rampaging through his mind when suddenly he remembered a word.
Ramen.
As random as it may sound, the word 'ramen' popped in his thinking— panicking— time and it calmed him down.
Naruto, his student that would forever be cute despite being a seventeen-year-old war veteran because he's always clueless with the things that should have matter but intuitive at the things that really mattered the most, was famous for his undying love of ramen and for his selfless faith in people. If Naruto was in his current position, he's certain that the blond Uzumaki would bulldoze through this time with that hard-headed logic of his and save everyone in the process.
(Somewhere in another dimension slash time, a chibified Naruto with a purple scarf sneezed.)
And the thing is, he's not Naruto. He's Kakashi the Cyclops. He's lazy, tardy, reads inappropriate book in public and always enjoyed to tease his students. He may not be as heroic as Naruto as because he swore that child deserves to be the protagonist of a manga (if Naruto didn't have a manga, maybe Kakashi should level up his drawing and art skills and start his career as a mangaka, making his student as an inspiration for his work) and that's just not what Kakashi was— is.
So, as Kakashi gathered his bearings and reinforced his unfathomable 'I'm-too-lazy-to-care-but-oh-you-are-being-stupid-and-that's-funny' expression that never failed to annoy everyone— and even the most calm person he ever knew wanted to punt him in the face for it— but not Gai because he called it Hip and Cool, he mentally decided that there's no reason to panic or to have a mid-life existential crisis because he's currently five years old.
He heard Tsunade-sama once muttered to herself, as she burn her paperworks, "whatever happens, happens, saaa-ke!" and Kakashi would apply that words of wisdom to himself. As a time traveler that's supposed to be knowledgeable in the past but those knowledge was shut down because of his sudden death, who needs a plan?
He's not a Nara.
(Kami would weep if he became one.)
Kakashi burrowed himself at Sakumo's warmth as he sat in his lap while his father was ordering his ANBU to make an investigation about why in the name of the Ramen gods was he alive and how in Kisame's scary teeth did he manage to escape his grave and coffin? and repeatedly recited Tsunade-sama's proverbs to himself.
(Whatever happens, happens, Ichaaa-Icha!)
A wise man once said, "information makes the world go round." Whoever that wise man was, he clearly didn't know his proverbs like a certain blonde Senju because some were pretty sure that love (Naruto) or money (Kakuzu) makes the world go round.
But!
The wise man's words can be applied to Elemental Nations, especially to Konoha.
As a hidden village filled with shinobi, information was the source of power for how the ninja system ran. Information was indispensable. Crucial. Invaluable. In some cases, countless lives were spent just for a speck of information. And that just leads to the fact that it's engraved in every shinobi's blood to be nosy as fuck.
When a shinobi (he asked to preserve his privacy and to remain anonymous for his safety so we would call him Pancake) in the granted name of Pancake was enjoying his afternoon share of sweet dango in his favorite shop, saw something that alerted his nosy alarm. There, sitting with the famous frightening Snake Sannin (but Pancake's our boi and he knew better. Yes, Orochimaru may seem scary as hell but he's not as heartless like what others portray him as. Pancake was once in a team lead by the Sannin and he saw something that dare he call it as a hidden cinnamon roll? in the form of Orochimaru) was a tiny gray-haired child who looks exactly like the miniaturized version of their current Hokage.
Theories and conclusions forming in his mind, Pancake tapped his rival who was also enjoying a stick of dango with him (yes, they're rivals but in order to preserve the peace between the two of them, they arrange this dango every Wednesday) and pointed what he saw. Theories and conclusions were also formed in the rival's (now dubbed thee as Teacup) mind, they silently observed as the Sannin conversed with the may or may not be ghost of the late Hatake Kakashi, when the Hokage's ANBU appeared and escorted them out of the dango shop.
Being the intellectual (nosy!) individual that they were, they told it to their wives who told it to their bestfriends who told it to their fellow Jounin.
To summarize it all, when dusk greeted the peaceful village of Konoha, rumors about the resurrection of the Yondaime's child ran rampant throughout every shinobi household.
Some hypothesized that the Snake Sannin conducted an unethical experiment or did a Forbidden Jutsu to resurrect the child. Some who visited Yugakure and was introduced to the religion of Jashin-sama, blamed that it was the god's deed because Konoha was infested with hypocrites and sinful citizen that's why the tiny Hatake rose from his grave to slit their throats in their sleep as an offering to the god.
While some drunk shinobi told his fellow shinobi that maybe, maybe the child was not a child but a version of Hatake Kakashi that dimension hopped to his five-year-old self because of Fuinjutsu. But of course, his thoughts were shut down as the irrational logic of a drunk.
(Poor him.)
(And poor, poor Konoha.)
(They didn't know what would hit them.)
"You do know how fast the rumor mill ran, right?" Sarutobi Hiruzen asked to his successor, eyeing the sleeping child at Sakumo's lap.
Sakumo released a breathy laugh as he tightened his hold at his son's frail body, "Konoha will be Konoha, Hiruzen-sama."
Hiruzen continued observing the breathing of the child, telling himself that this was all real and Kakashi's really alive despite him attending the funeral and seeing firsthand how his death affected Sakumo's life. He raised his eyes to look at his successor and saw that just like him, Sakumo was reassuring himself of the reality of this situation.
"Have you found out the reason why he's here?" Hiruzen asked and Sakumo heaved a deep sigh.
"The ANBU's investigation resulted into nothing. They found Kakashi's... grave and it wasn't desecrated like what I was expecting... I ordered them to dig out his coffin and it was empty. This is really Kakashi, Hiruzen-sama. I don't know how this happened but this is really my son. Don't get me wrong, I am happy that he's here with me but, I can't help but question how and why this happened," Sakumo explained, suddenly weary.
Hiruzen nodded. From what he has heard, this wasn't the result of Edo Tensei. He haven't got the chance to be familiar with the Forbidden Jutsu but he knew that one of the signs of Edo Tensei was the black sclera in the eyes of the resurrected and cracks forming in their face. He read Tobirama-sensei's Forbidden Scroll out of pure curiosity when the hat has been passed to him. But from Sakumo's account and from his observation, this was a normal body of a child. Albeit a bit frail looking and pale.
"Do you think that whoever did this will be a threat to the village?" Hiruzen asked.
And Sakumo's silence was all the answer he needed after all, there was a reason why the resurrection of the dead was considered as forbidden. Only powerful shinobi could accomplish such a feat.
And who would dare to resurrect the dead son of the Hokage for it not to be seen as a threat?
Notes:
Nothing eventual really happened but I am so proud of this chapter. Besides, this was supposed to be crack. Ha! If you thought there would be a plot, shame on you because you're right! There's a plot somewhere in here, I forgot where I placed it in my dying list.
I really apologized that this chapter's not that exciting and despite being proud of this, I wanted to hear your thoughts.
I delved at the Final Fantasy fandom despite not playing a single game because I'm a peace of shit and my family's not rich, we don't have a Playstation growing up. I did have a PSP but I don't know if they offer FF at that because I'm busy punting my cousin's ass at Tekken and making myself crazy rich in Sims. The only time I got to play in a Playstation before was if I went to my neighbor's house and beat his ass at Street Fighter and Mario Kart— meaning, he didn't want to play with me anymore. I swear if I miraculously got a job, I would buy myself a Playstation and would play all the games that I missed on my childhood.
THANK YOU FOR THE APPRECIATION!
— Segnor
Chapter 6
Summary:
A team was made. Wait— let me clarify, a team of socially stunted people was made.
Notes:
(See the end of the chapter for notes.)
Chapter Text
To start with, Kakashi knew that he had no idea as to what would happen.
So, in the current theme of his life which was 'let's-fuck-up-this-man-turned-child-until-he-bleeds-glitter-and-pixiedust' and the decision he made that he would go whatever the flow wanted him to flow with, he wasn't exactly surprised (but there's still some part of him that was) when he saw a tiny Uchiha Itachi in front of him. And he wouldn't make a reaction when he saw the solemn look of the infamous Uchiha in this seven-year-old child. Because seriously, Itachi looked like the paragon of stoicism when he was a young adult (Kakashi never saw the man react in anger nor express an expression aside from his three ones, which were: fondness for his brother, a glint of amusement in his eyes and his last expression which was 'you're-a-bug-under-my-foot-why-don't-you-use-a-genjutsu-on-yourself-and-die?') and in this young version of him, he looked freaking adorable with those large doe eyes staring back at Kakashi with that particular blank expression.
(Kakashi ignored the fact that unlike his older version, the Uchiha in front of him was untainted with the sin of culling the whole of his clan and that's the reason why the look in his eyes weren't that empty.)
The chibi Hatake made an eye-smile at the young Uchiha and the latter blinked back at him. Kakashi fought the urge to coo and shield the child away from the world and from the future he may or may not face.
(He would never admit this because it felt treasonous to his students but younger Itachi was cuter than young Sasuke.)
But before he got to the deeper part of his contemplation, Kakashi was broken out of his intense staring competition when Orochimaru— the reason for his surprise— spoke.
"... I do not know how this works," the Sannin admitted, looking at the two children in front of him as if he couldn't understand what he's looking at. "It's my first time being a Jounin instructor."
"Neither do I," Uchiha Itachi, at the age of six was very well spoken, said after a moment— adorable eyes blinking incomprehensibly. "It's my first time in a team."
Kakashi heard a breaking sound in his mind as he sighed, wondering why his father placed him in this situation.
This all started when Kakashi decided that even with all the fuck-ups he had experienced as a ninja, he still want to be one.
So without further ado, let's have a little flashback shall we?
"Pup," Sakumo called and Kakashi wouldn't admit either in the guise of torture or death that after he heard his father's pet name for him, he almost preened in attention. Kakashi's a something-something man, okay? He doesn't do preening. That's embarrassing for a man his age.
(He just manly puffed his cheeks in giddiness.)
"Hmm?" Kakashi hummed under his mask (finally! He got it back!) and allowed his father to scoop him up in his arms. No judging, alright? It's not like he allowed his father to treat him like a child because he missed him that much. No can do. No sirree! (He's clearly lying.)
"Do you..." Sakumo hesitated for a bit and Kakashi felt his father tightening his hold of him, "... do you still want to be a shinobi?"
Kakashi suddenly remembered a conversation he had with Tsunade.
("To be or not to be, that is the question," Tsunade slurred, sake spilling from her cup as she downed it.
"To be what, Hokage-sama?" Kakashi asked, curious at what the Slug Sannin meant because they were discussing about his mission when she suddenly spoke these confusing words.
"To be or not to be drunk, Kakashi! That is the question!" Godaime Hokage then roared with raucous laughter.
"But you're already drunk...?" Kakashi muttered against his best logic that made him receive a sharp glare from said drunk person. Okay... He would just shut up.)
... Said conversation may not necessarily line up with the question his father asked of him but the quote does. Despite Tsunade's misgivings for being drunk at work, she gives the best of quotes when she'd already downed four bottles of sake.
Sure, Kakashi at his physical age wanted to be a goddamn shinobi so bad that he followed the rule book like a strict dogma. But at his mental age? The age of something-something? Did he still want to be a shinobi?
He's not sure.
He had already gave up so much from being a shinobi. He even gave up his life once and that's kind of a big deal if you really look at it. Hell, he didn't even have a plan for this life. For this time. He just wanted to be with his father with a longer time than what he originally had with him. Yes, he kinda already decided to adopt Orochimaru when he first saw the sad man because he reminded Kakashi so much of himself and maybe, just maybe, he did want to meet up with Gai again. He wanted to give Gai the friendship that he truly deserved. Konoha's Sublime Green Beast of Prey (or as what Gai liked to call himself, no one as in no one, once called Gai that) deserve so much more than what Kakashi gave him. There might be a slight changes with their future friendship at this point, seeing that Kakashi supposedly died ten years ago, but he'd take it. It's better than nothing.
(Remembering Gai sitting in a wheelchair, when he should have been running around the village with his mini-me, hurts so much.)
That three was what he wanted to do. What he will do. What he will surely achieve for himself.
Was he... was he being selfish for wanting that for himself?
Was he being selfish for not wanting to be a shinobi for the second time around because he didn't want to experience the memories that he had as he journeyed his way up at the top of the shinobi ladder?
With his uncertainties, Kakashi heaved a deep sigh and he looked up to his father. He saw a myriad of emotions running through his father's dark eyes and he wonder how the man felt when he asked what Kakashi wanted. Just like Kakashi, the man saw the person he valued the most die simply because they're a shinobi.
Kakashi saw his father's body covered with his own blood, guts spilling on the tatami floor, face forever in a solemn expression as he sacrificed himself for Kakashi's sake— not wanting to condemn his only child for his own sins and failure.
While Sakumo... Sakumo watched as his young son lie on his own bed, lifeless, cold, expression peaceful as he died in his sleep for overworking his own body to death— wanting so desperately to be a good shinobi.
Now that he's thinking about it, both father and son, experienced deep torment for simply being someone who wanted to serve their village. The village that once shunned them.
(There's something humorous in that context but Kakashi, for the life of him, couldn't find the humor in it.)
But looking at his father, Sakumo, the Yondaime Hokage when it's supposed to be Minato-sensei's position, Kakashi felt that if at this time, he didn't become a shinobi, he had abandoned his father. It's a bit dramatic of him to think like that, but that's what he felt.
He didn't want to leave Sakumo alone with his duties. If he chose to become someone that'd never cross path with a shinobi's job, then that means he chose to never involve himself with Sakumo. And he couldn't do that, for Kami's sake! The man's the freaking Hokage! There were things in the future-past that may or may not happen and he could not just leave his father knowing that he could help him.
(Sometimes, despite his fame for being a genius, Kakashi confuses himself with his feelings. He's really not good at dealing with it.)
"Yes," Kakashi said, determination shining in his eyes.
Sakumo stared at him for a minute and he released a sigh, nodding. "Then, promise me you will not overwork yourself. You'll rest from time to time. You have to sometimes hold back with your training. I can't... I can't have you..."
"I promise, Papa," the chibified Hatake gave his father one of his genuine smiles. His student once said, "I'll never break my promise," because that's his ninja way.
The older (younger? How old even was his father?) Hatake hummed and tighten his hold of Kakashi, "then, tomorrow, I'll assign you to a team that knows how to hold back."
When his Papa told him that he'll assign him to a team that knows how to hold back (in training, that is, because a child should know how to rest from one) he's not expecting these two. Uchiha Itachi of Akatsuki and Orochimaru of the Legendary Sannin. They're not exactly known for holding back!
Itachi died because his brother killed him but Kakashi was pretty sure that he wouldn't if he's not suffering from a terminal disease that tore his body's functions and senses slowly from overusing the abilities of the Sharingan! And Orochimaru, really, Orochimaru holding back?! He modified his body for Icha Icha's sake because he wasn't satisfied that humans weren't immortal beings!
(But... he didn't have the right to judge someone based on what their future-past selves had done. If there's someone to judge, why would Kakashi look at someone when he could just face a mirror and see himself in it. There, he could see what he had done in the past. His grievances. His regrets. His sins.)
He should probably hold back his judgement and keep it to himself because these two were not their future-past's selves but just thinking that he would have the rest from training his father made him promise was impossible. For all he could know, at the end of this week, there's a high possibility that they'd blow up the Hokage mountain.
(You couldn't just place a genjutsu, ninjutsu and kenjutsu master in a team and not expect them to raise hell itself.)
(Being the Rokudaime of the future-past, he's sure that there's a protocol somewhere under the dusty piles of paperwork that states a no-no about this thing. There's a system with assigning Genin teams. Why were Kakashi and Itachi paired up as a team and made Orochimaru as their Jounin instructor?!)
(What was Sakumo thinking?!)
Maa~ Kakashi slowly loosen up his posture and stared at the two confused geniuses.
"Normally, we'll introduce ourselves to each other," Kakashi suggested to the two socially stunted pair. There's really something wrong in a situation when Kakashi was being the social one.
Kakashi gave them one of his eye-smiles and cheerfully said, "stating our name, likes, dislikes and goal for the future. You should go first, sensei!"
(Wow, calling Orochimaru as his sensei felt odd. Not really a bad sense of odd but still, odd.)
(Somewhere over that rainbow, Minato shivered.)
Orochimaru inclined his head, "I'm Orochimaru. I like plants and snakes. I dislike... people who abandon their teammates and friends... As for my goals, hmm, I never really got to think of it."
There's so much to unpack with Orochimaru's introduction that Kakashi want to leave it for later because it's not something he could help in one sitting— and you betcha he's helping this man.
So, Kakashi looked at Itachi, letting the child know with his stare that he's expected to be next.
"I'm Uchiha Itachi. I like dango and my brother, Sasuke. I dislike people who find violence as the solution to every problem that they are faced with. My goal for the future is to have a peaceful life with my family," the young Uchiha said in a serious voice, "and for Sasuke not to experience war."
Oh. Kakashi repressed a sad smile as he heard Itachi's dream. And yeah, even at this age, he'd always be a pacifist.
(He's such a good person— Kakashi wanted to maim someone for breaking this child's dreams.)
(Preferably, Danzo. And if he really reflected at it, he wanted Hiruzen-sama to be at that 'who-to-maim-list'.)
(And let's not forget, the undying Uchiha Madara.)
(The fucker deserved for his balls to be carved in million pieces. Dragging his clan to darkness because of his own selfish desires. Huh! Bastard.)
(Speaking of bastard, should he add the twin-zies Zetsu?)
(Hmm... Choices.)
Instead of traveling back to the deepest, darkest and murkiest part of his memory lane and because his list was expanding, Kakashi hummed adding enthusiasm in his voice as he introduced himself. He couldn't have his new team be gloomy and all that stuff, could he?
"I'm Hatake Kakashi. I like the color of orange for hope, pink for determination and black for forgiveness. And oh, green, I like green. Green gives people strength. Just like Orochimaru-sensei, I dislike people who abandon their teammates because those who abandon their friends are worst than trash. And my goal for the future, I guess not dying for the second time around," and leaving my father alone again— was left unsaid, "and to be a teammate that the both of you can rely on... It's so nice to meet you!"
(... Maybe he should tone down the enthusiasm for a bit?)
(Nah.)
The three geniuses were covered with silence as they finished the first part of how to be a well-functioning team. Kakashi smiled to himself.
'This is a better start than what I was expecting,' Kakashi said to himself.
Notes:
"It's alive!" Dr. Heinz Doofenshmirtz said as he looked at me, "my fanfiction writerinator!"
For those who read my other work, Traversing Golden Waters, I just wanted to say that I'm for a moment— giving myself a break with the updates, because to be honest, I don't know what to write next. Well, I do know what to write next, but I don't know how I should start it. But don't worry, I'll make a YOUTHFUL! comeback with that one and I won't abandon it.
I was a bit preoccupied with playing FF7, yeah, I'm a bit late for that fandom but just like what we like to believe in the Tolkien fandom, "a wizard is never late, nor is he early. He arrives precisely when he means to," and I may not be Gandalf but I like to believe that I could also be that wizard he's pertaining to. Uhm, Sephiroth's the man— I mean the villain! He's really the reason why I'm playing, actually. I'm weak for the villainous types especially those who dies at the end. (Curse you MCU for killing Loki! Give Thor his broyher back! I'm still not over it! And cure you for killing Tony! He deserve to live a long and happy life! And really, Ace?! "Thank you for loving me"?!? Bullshit! I will always love you and damn these tears whenever I re-read One Piece.)
So, what do you think of this chapter?
Drink yo water and calm down, bitch.
— Segnor
Chapter 7
Summary:
If there's a pest in the neighborhood, who you gonna call? Hokage-sama.
Notes:
(See the end of the chapter for notes.)
Chapter Text
When Orochimaru was summoned by the Yondaime Holage, he resigned to the fact that the man would attempt to punish him for a crime he did not commit.
He knew in himself that even though Sakumo was a very rational man, it's inevitable that he also view Orochimaru like what the villagers used to view him as. He was dismissed lightly yesterday and from the shinobi rumor mill, he heard that the revival of Sakumo's son from his death ten years ago was unexplainable. And who would the village point at when it concerns things like this? Of course, it would always be him. It has been a long time since he has been accused with such words but they would always be carried within him.
(He knew that others view him as unethical even though he hasn't done anything to receive such claims. Those experiments he's conducting? He always do it to himself. Because why would he do it to an unsuspecting human when Orochimaru knew that if Tsunade found out he did such things, his friend once teammate wouldn't forgive him for it.)
"You want me to be a Jounin instructor," Orochimaru flatly said, bafflement instantly hidden by his perfected mask of indifference.
"Yes," Sakumo, the Yondaime Hokage, said.
"Of Uchiha Itachi and your son," Orochimaru.
"Yes," Yondaimed nodded.
"Can I inquire as to how you have come up with that decision?" The Snake Sannin raised an eyebrow.
"Well, I'm sure you've known that Kakashi suddenly came back from the dead, you were there," Sakumo started, "and I apologized for how I treated you yesterday, my thoughts were compromised by my emotions and I assure you that it will not happen again. If in any way, you feel that I had disrespected you, it was not my intention and I'm sorry for that."
Orochimaru remained silent and he just accepted the apology with a nod, wordlessly telling the man to continue.
Sakumo treaded his fingers above his table, "Kakashi, before he... died, was already a registered Chunin. And he told me that he still wanted to continue his career as a shinobi and despite my inner wishes, I can't just object to his desire... I have just finished assorting different Genin teams and the only one who I can not find a place to put was Itachi-kun. He's an excellent student but with how he passed the Academy in the span of a year, I gather that he hasn't managed to form any bonds between his peers. So, I've come up that with Itachi-kun and Kakashi's similarities, it's a good idea to pair them in a team. There will be no third teammate for the meantime as every Genin that graduated already has a team."
Orochimaru listened to the man's reasoning and he couldn't find a hole with it. So, it's because he wanted for his son to form a bond with the child who had similarities with him? If Tsunade was here, she would approve of it.
(Orochimaru ignored the voice telling him that she's gone... she's not here...)
"I couldn't find a Jounin that can handle them and support their intellectual capabilities as a shinobi aside from you and Nara Shikaku. When I thought of Shikaku, I immediately squashed it because the man was already a Jounin Commander, with his... eccentric traits, he's drowning with paperworks. So, that remains you, Orochimaru. You are a man of intelligence, you wouldn't hold their minds back because I know like them, your mind is your greatest weapon. You wouldn't be overwhelmed or pressured surrounded by those two. If this team succeeded with your teachings, not only will it produce powerful shinobi for the village but the two children will also be able to grow up harnessing the entirety of their capabilities."
Orochimaru remained quiet. He absorbed all the words the older man has said to him, inspecting the probabilities and the possibilities lying on those spoken words. As usual, the man managed to convince him.
"I accept the job, Hokage-sama. I will be honored to," and he was. Honored that is. It's not everyday that the Hokage would entrust his son to you. Especially, the mysterious circumstances surrounding the child.
"My only request is for you to convince the children to not overwork on their their body and implement a rest on their schedule. We don't want to have a repeat on what happened to Kakashi."
"I will."
(Orochimaru wasn't good at handling people, let alone children. But... What could go wrong? Itachi and Kakashi are both geniuses... Orochimaru could do this.)
(Time will pass and Orochimaru would go back to this statement that yes, he could do this but poor poor Konoha couldn't handle one of their team members, let alone when they're doing exemplary teamwork.)
(Seriously, he couldn't see anything wrong if one of his students burned the Forest of Death.)
(It's not like Itachi-kun planned to do it, no, his two teammates dared him.)
"Thank you, Orochimaru," and the white-haired man gave him a smile and Orochimaru got the feeling that like his indifference, the man wore his smile as his perfect mask.
It's intriguing really.
How a man like Sakumo, who he knew as a demon in the battlefield by how Jiraiya depicted him, could appear harmless despite his power and what his status illustrated him as with just a small tilt of his lips. It's no surprise that Sarutobi-sensei decided he would be the best for the hat. Since Sakumo started his regime, Konoha slowly turned different. Different in a way that no one would see it at first but if you look closely, things would start to align in pieces that Sarutobi-sensei has never managed to do before.
He didn't know the man that well, but Orochimaru could say that he and the current Hokage had a rather tentative friendship (if he could call it that). When Jiraiya and Tsunade left the village abandoned him, being known to be an anti-social man, no one has even tried to approach him, but Sakumo did. He did. And he directly asked Orochimaru if he ever wanted to leave the village he should tell him and if he didn't, then he wanted the Snake Sannin to be one of his trusted Jounins.
(And Orochimaru didn't want to leave— not yet, not... not ever— not because he didn't know what to else to do with nothing and no one left at his side but at that time, Sakumo was the only one to show him sincerity and honesty.)
And ever since Sakumo has taken up the job as the Hokage, Orochimaru has been observing how changes started to form around the man. With how he weaponized his polite smile and mild demeanor in his arsenal, no one could resist him.
And Orochimaru respected him for that. There may be a time when he coveted the hat but it has been long in the past. The hat already belonged to the person who greatly deserved it.
Sakumo accomplished things that Orochimaru thought would never be done before. He even managed to abolish the Elder Council system the villaged used to have.
Orochimaru stopped his train of thoughts when he remembered an encounter with an ex-Elder Council member.
The Snake Sannin tilted his lips in a predatory smile, "oh and, I have a treason to report..."
Friend Killer Hatake Kakashi, Clan Killer Uchiha Itachi and Traitor Orochimaru walked into a backyard.
It may sound like the start of a very good or a very bad joke but it wasn't. And if Kakashi was at the future-past, he would certainly see the strangeness of this situation. Three Bingo Book listed shinobi, gathered in a yard.
"You missed a spot," Kakashi off-handedly commented.
"No, I didn't," Itachi said after inspecting his part.
"You did," the chibified Hatake replied.
Itachi scanned his work, "I did not miss a spot."
"You didn't?" Kakashi asked with fake shock in his voice and scanned Itachi's work again, a teasing glint in his eyes, "maa~ good for you then, Tachi-kun."
"Please refrain from calling me that, Kakashi-san," Itachi said and Kakashi observe as a miniscule jutting took place at the bottom of his lips.
(What a cute kid.)
"You can just call me Kakashi, you know? None of this 'san' business," Kakashi suggested and Itachi just nodded.
(What a polite kid.)
"Are the both of you finished?"
Both children (one, not really a fully-fledge child) look up as their Jounin instructor sat next to them, inspecting with critical eye as he looked at their work, "hmm, each pieces are coated correctly in a one way stroke, good job."
Kakashi gave the man a smile and he started picking up his tools.
"Of course, we won't settle for less," the young Uchiha said seriously.
"As you should," Orochimaru agreed.
Kakashi stopped what he's doing to stare at the two with incredulity. It's not like they are doing a suicidal mission that one wrong move, they all could die and risk the peace of their village. No, what they're doing was a simple mission of painting the fence of old man Fuhito. And these two painted as if their lives were on the line.
(There's something really wrong when Kakashi's the normal sounding one.)
What was once three famous shinobi of their own caliber, reduced to yard work... He's not complaining about the mission, there's nothing wrong with D-Rank tasks. In fact, he enjoyed doing it with his team. But if you were like Kakashi, who's from the future-past, you would also know that there's just really something strange in this.
(And if there's something strange in the neighborhood, who's he gonna call?)
(Certainly not the one on his mind. There aren't any ghost to be busted here. Just a couple of shinobi— who may or may not abandon the village in the future for conducting heinous crimes— doing yardwork.)
As Fuhito-san thanked them for their work and they started their way to the Hokage Tower to report about the success of their mission and to acquire new ones, Kakashi thought back to the experience of having Itachi and Orochimaru on the same team.
Once they started meeting for D-Rank missions, it's really not that bad.
Kakashi's actually enjoyed spending his time with the two black-haired males. Their first mission was the famed 'Tora Mission' and it was finished with great success. Kakashi once asked himself how old Tora was because the Daimyo's Wife's cat surely lived a long life. He didn't know if she had the habit of naming all her cats as Tora or Tora the motherfucker cat was an immortal spirit that lived to torment every Genin team there is. That day, Kakashi, Itachi and Orochimaru arrived at the Admission office with hairs askew, body littered with scratches and thank Kami-sama Itachi managed to catch the cat before the offending feline scratch his left eye. He would suffer humiliation like he never did before if he lost his left eye because of a darn cat. Gai would never call him as 'Hip and Cool' again.
(Like what he said, the mission was a success.)
A resounding boom echoed in the background and the three of them stopped at their tracks to swivel their heads and look at where the sound came from. A scream then followed the explosion and from his position, Kakashi could smell a faint odor of ozone in the air.
"... Is there an invasion?" Kakashi asked, reminiscing his days when Orochimaru invaded the village. Then he suggested, "should we panic? I can do panicking very well. Just say the word, sensei, I'll be the best panicker to ever panic in existence."
(Say what? Panicker's not a word? Y'all should shut yer traps.)
"We should help, right, sensei?" Itachi, the most adorable kid ever next to Naruto, asked after looking at Kakashi as if he lost his bonkers due to to the exposure of paint, concern written in his face.
Orochimaru hummed and waved his hand in a vague gesture, "it's not an invasion. I heard Hokage-sama was doing pest control."
That's an extreme way to do pest control. Huh, his father's also weird.
(Somewhere in the back of his mind, there's a niggling feeling that there's something important about this pest control. But Kakashi chose to ignore it. If the Hokage enjoyed doing pest control at his spare time, who was Kakashi to judge his father?)
(After all, the best shinobi have their eccentric ways.)
(Just look at Gai for example.)
(The man bleeds YOUTHFULNESS all his life. It was quite scary, to be honest.)
Kakashi shrugged his shoulders and started walking, "maa~ okay then, sensei."
"What mission do you want to do next, sensei?" Itachi asked, following Kakashi's steps on ignoring the explosions and the bloody screams.
"Based on this teaching book, teachers are advised to let their students have their rest and treats whenever they did a good job," the Snake Sannin suddenly was holding a book —that was entitled 'How To Be a Good Sensei: Shinobi Guidebook for the Dummy and Noob 1st Edition' by dHe_Sh1nobi (Kakashi tried his hardest to ignore the writer's pen name and why on Elemental Nations' would Orochimaru believe someone with that name? But dHe_Sh1nobi wasn't wrong, though)— and pointing at the passage he's reading, "we have already finished five missions for the day and the both of you did a splendid job."
"Dango, then?" Kakashi asked.
"Dango," Itachi agreed.
That night, Sakumo arrived at the Hatake compound, splatter of blood glittering in his face as he asked what Kakashi wanted for dinner.
(Kakashi thought that his father must have eliminated the pests at the Forest of Death.)
(What a nice hobby.)
(And when Sakumo explained what the pest issue was, Kakashi tackled his father in a hug and cuddled with him all night.)
(The man deserved it for what he did.)
Notes:
This chapter really went off the rail, I didn't know where it was going but damn did it satisfy my rambling self.
What do you think of my take with Orochimaru and Sakumo's interaction? What about Team Oro's small dynamic? Is it passable? AAAHHH!!! I don't know what I'm doing!
IMPORTANT NOTE: Itachi graduated the Academy at 7 and became a Chunin at 10. In this fic, Kakashi's 6 years old (in the past chapter or so, I may have written he's 5 and there's a reason for that) and he's already a Chunin at that age. So yeah, Itachi's a year older than Kakashi... Just please don't ask about their ages, I'm shit at reading the timeline.
I'm so sorry for not replying to all the comments because I was busy fixing my e-mail! Gha! Why does this always happen to me! Apparently my mails weren't being directed to my account and I'm not good at techy stuff so yeah, imagine my confusion here.
THANK YOU FOR THE HITS, KUDOS, REVIEWS AND BOOKMARKS! I appreciate them all and may the universe bless y'all!!
Drink yo water and calm down, bitch.
— Segnor
Chapter 8
Summary:
Sakumo's a damn great man and everyone knows it.
Notes:
(See the end of the chapter for notes.)
Chapter Text
Approximately, nine years ago, after news broke out that Sarutobi Hiruzen would be descending his position to his predecessor, speculations were made as to whom the hat would be passed on. And when every citizens of Konoha were gathered for the inauguration ceremony of the new Yondaime Hokage, there were mixed reactions as they saw Hatake Sakumo, received the hat from the Sandaime. Jiraiya and Tsunade (who were still at the village when the event took place— but their pending leave was already seen at the horizon) were shocked at first to see the man in the role of their new Hokage. But as their surprise vanished, they wholly agreed that the man deeply deserved the position not only because of his known prowess at the battlefied as a shinobi, but also because the man needed something to anchor him to the village. And being the Hokage would stop him from doing things that he would forever regret.
The reactions from the shinobi populace were varied but as the time passed, they vowed that whatever this man has decided, they would forever follow him— even when their lives were at a stake.
How did Sakumo managed to gather the support of not only the citizens but also the loyalty of the collection of diverse shinobi?
Well, months after he ascended the position, Hatake Sakumo's first big decision was to abolish the Elder Council system that nobody ever liked and nobody even know the answer as to how the system was even formed in the first place— making Shimura Danzo, Sarutobi Hiruzen's teammate, sashay away from the happenings and inner say so in the shinobi government. The Hatake also scrapped the Civilian Council. At first, this was rejected by various powerful civilians in the village but when Sakumo reasoned that Konoha was first and foremost a shinobi village— a village formed by two founding shinobi clan, a place that should be ruled by a dictatorial leader who was chosen as the one capable leading it. He wasn't an irrational man so Sakumo placated his civilian citizen that one representative shall represent as the voice of non-shinobi people whenever the Clan Council meeting happens.
In abolishing two systems, Sakumo was able to suppress various individuals that once coveted the hat.
He also managed to demolish the ROOT System. A system first proposed by Shimura Danzo and was backed up by the Sandaime Hokage that would produce talented shinobi, trained from their childhood with razor sharp precisionas to how they would be able sacrifice themselves for the betterment of the village. When the Hatake saw the process on how they trained children from toddlerhood in becoming mindless child soldiers, he immediately put his foot down. For the first life since he started his regime, threatened a veteran shinobi that if he continued this business behind his back, Sakumo will personally kill him. He absorbed the remains of the ROOT System to his ANBU Corps. Those who were old enough and able to decide for themselves were given a choice that if they choose to join the ANBU or the shinobi ranks, they could choose to retain who they were or would be given a new identity for themselves. And hose who weren't old enough, were entrusted to loyal individual that would provide them a better home and childhood.
Almost five years ago, the idea of the start of Third Shinobi War was budding through everyone's mind. But Sakumo, the badass and damn good Hokage that he was, proposed a negotiation to every major villages and their respective Kages. It took months. Months for the plan of a peace treaty to be approved by everyone. Thus, the flames of what would be a cataclysmic phenomenon was squashed. Third Shinobi War— that others from the future-past would argue was the ember that truly started the events that would lead to the Fourth Shinobi War— would forever be just a memory. That tragic event wouldn't ever happen. It wouldn't leave bloodshed at its wake, thousands of victims from different shinobi villages and that would continue a cycle of hatred that would shake the foundations of Elemental Nations.
If Sakumo has a say to it— he wouldn't let that happen, not in his rule.
(Afterall, Kakashi wouldn't forgive him if he just let a war happen.)
The tentative peace treaty was strengthened when the other Kages saw the result of what it brought to their villages.
These things were accomplished by Hatake Sakumo in his reign and everyone could agree that he's as scary as fuck and no one would want an enemy out of him.
So that's why, after screams and explosions were heard through some parts of the village, the citizens were reassured when they were informed that the Hokage was handling it. Because as scary as Sakumo was, he's also reliable— a man that wouldn't let them down.
Night has passed after that event and when dawn broke, Konohagakure was greeted by a single news:
Shimura Danzo, executed for treason.
Those outside of the shinobi force accepted the news with such ease but for those who were inside, suppressed a shiver of fear.
Knowing that yesterday's screams were the result of Shimura Danzo's execution at the hands of the Yondaime Hokage himself.
"Damn, why didn't I marry Sakumo-sama when I still had the chance, 'ttebane?" Namikaze-Uzumaki Kushina grumbled to herself after she heard news from her daily subscription from Shinobi Rumors™ ('Your trusty source of rumor since year xxxx'), "I want a piece of that bad ass."
"Need I remind you, Kushina, you have a husband who's next to you," Uchiha Mikoto patiently said with a chuckle, pointedly looking at the sulking Minato at Kushina's side, "and you're eight months pregnant with your first child."
Kushina shrugged her shoulders as if saying 'what can you do' and she placed her elbow at the table, leaning on it, "bah, who cares? Minato can share, right, honey?"
"Kushina!" Namikaze Minato squacked with indignation, "there are children present!"
The Uzumaki looked towards said children and saw their cheeks redenning. She cooed at them.
"Don't worry, kids, I won't replace your sensei. Kushina-neechan's just kidding, dattebane!"
Nohara Rin cleared her throat before she spoke up, "sensei, did Hokage-sama really killed Danzo-san?"
Minato straightened in his seat to address his student, "he did. According to Shikaku, years ago after he put an end to ROOT, Yondaime-sama threatened Danzo-san that he would personally kill him if he did things like this behind his back. And apparently, Danzo-san took the threat lightly and did not believe that the Hokage will really do what he said."
"Woah!" Uchiha Obito almost whispered, stars shining in hi eyes, "he's so cool, sensei! When I became the Hokage, I will be just like him!"
The adults in the table just laughed at the teen's enthusiasm and they were broken out of their laughter after hearing a tiny voice from the Uchiha main house's entrance.
"I'm home," Itachi voiced out.
"Welcome back, Itachi!" Mikoto cheerfully greeted, standing up from her seat to welcome her eldest son. She hugged Itachi to herself and told him to wash his hands before they start their dinner. After the child was done in following his mother's orders, he followed the older Uchiha towards their dining room, sitting next to his cousin who greeted him with a wide grin.
"Should we wait up for Fugaku?" Minato asked.
"He told me earlier that the Police Force will be a bit busy because they are handling a big case," Mikoto replied.
This weekly dinner has become a tradition to the Uchiha and the Namikaze household. It was actually suggested by Kushina when she found out that she was pregnant with a son, stating that Sasuke and Kushina's first son should be best of friends just like their mothers, so they needed to establish something that would form a connection between two children. Thus, the dinner gathering was formed. Kushina made Minato's team attend the dinner, explaining that they would be her son's future uncle and auntie. At first, Fugaku resented the idea of the dinner, preferring to stay away from the crazy Uzumaki as much as possible but when Kushina said it, Kushina would do it.
"How was your mission today, Itachi?" Mikoto asked her son.
Itachi, raised like a proper Uchiha with manners (because Mikoto would raise no heathen), swallowed his food first before speaking, "we helped Kari-san in his farm. His irrigation was broken and we managed to fix it with Oro-sensei's help. And after that, we had a mission at the library, we assisted the librarian with the newly arrived books and scrolls. That was all the mission we did for the day because according to sensei's books, a fledgling shinobi needs to rest his body for proper growth. Kashi-kun... Kakashi-kun invited me to have dinner with him tomorrow, if you will allow me?"
"You should ask your father, I'm sure he'll let you," Mikoto hummed and smiled at his son. Itachi seriously nodded at her.
(What a cute child.)
"Wait..." Obito trailed off after he realized what Itachi said, "Oro-sensei? Who's Oro-sensei?"
"Orochimaru," Itachi amswered.
Obito's jaw hung open, thank Kami-sama that his mouth was empty, and his eyes widen in surprise, "Orochimaru-sama's your sensei? That's awesome! I always thought it will be fantastic to have one of the Sannin as a sensei!"
"Why do I suddenly feel so down?" Minato muttered but everyone ignored him, including his wife.
"How was he as a sensei, Itachi-kun?" Kushina curiously asked.
Itachi tilted his head and thought for a bit, "he's nice. He always let us have dango after our day was done because his book says a good sensei should reward his students for a job well done."
"Book?" Rin asked, "what kind of book?"
"It's a guide on how to be a good sensei. Kashi-kun told me that sensei bought it because he has no idea how to be one but he's doing fine. He makes sure we always do our missions with the best of our capabilities and he also always gives us food."
"That's so cute!" Kushina chimed in, "I didn't know Orochimaru-sama can be that cute, dattebane! And Kakashi? If I can remember right, wasn't he supposed to apprentice to you, Minato?"
Minato nodded, "he was. He's already a Chunin when Sandaime-sama asked me to be his teacher. Kakashi was supposed to be my first student and the fourth member of Team 7 but after he died and what was supposed to be a three-man cell, I couldn't just find a replacement for his position at our team for the acknowledgement that if he lived, he should be with us."
There was a beat of silence after Minato said his piece.
"Oh, so that's the reason why our team didn't follow the regulations," Rin stated.
"But I think, all is good now. Kakashi's apparently alive and he now has Itachi-kun for his teammate and Orochimaru-sama for his teacher," Minato said with an odd tone in his voice.
Kushina gave her husband a resounding smack on the back and their dinner continued.
"But how is he alive?" Obito asked the question that was running through everyone's mind and this time, no one could give an answer to.
Notes:
I had a first draft for this chapter which I made so good, I was really proud of it BUT IT FUCKING VANISHED WHEN I ACCIDENTALLY CLOSED MY TAB I WANT TO KILL MYSELF ANGELS PLEASE HELP ME.
I think the idea of Civilian Council was shit when I first read it (I'm not flaming other writers) but if you just look the structure of Konoha (using shinobi clans as foundations)— it's a common sense that the government system would be dictatorship. And to all who disagree with me because where's the democracy in that? Well, did you even try to truly analyze the canon series? It's not exactly sunshine and rainbows now, innit? There's no such thing as democracy.
Now that I'm diverging from canon and starting the difference of this AU, I realized how fucked up I am now. I need to start my world building and plot. But ha! Is there truly a plot in this? Or is this just an indulgent fic? I don't know!
ANY RECOMMENDATIONS WHICH FANDOM I SHOULD JOIN NEXT? I'm having a hard time finding great crossover fics!
Drink yo water and caln down, bitch.
— Segnor
Chapter 9
Summary:
The mind of an adorable Itachi-kun and the inner workings of a cult.
Notes:
(See the end of the chapter for notes.)
Chapter Text
When Itachi was told by the Yondaime Hokage (personally) that he finally had a team for him to be assigned to, Itachi was a bit dubious about how his team would turn out into considering who his teammate and sensei would be. He had heard of Hatake Kakashi before, well, it really wasn't that hard to know who Kakashi was, bearing in mind that in the Academy, the name was often said in a passing. Various Academy instructors and shinobi commenting that Itachi has few similarities with the Hatake. When Itachi graduated early from the Academy at the age of seven, he had heard from somebody that there was someone who had graduated younger than himself and that was Hatake Kakashi.
At the age of five, the genius finished the Academy at the span of two months and when he turned six, he was already a Chunin— making him the youngest to ever become a Genin and Chunin. Unfortunately, the child died at the age of six due to body exhaustion and his father, the current Hokage made a decree that Academy student should not graduate as early as his son. But ten years after Kakashi's alleged death, he was seen loitering the streets of Konoha with the remaining Sannin, Orochimaru— who, as it turned out, would be his Jounin instructor.
Orochimaru himself was also a name that Itachi was familiar with. Who wouldn't when he always heard that the abandonment of two of the three Sannin in the village was a loss that never seemed to die down as an issue. Based from the reports of the Second Shinobi War, the Sannin was a team to be frightened of, at their young age at that time, they managed to fought of at the war with the famous Hanzo the Salamander himself and was vested with a name by the leader of Amegakure. Itachi knew that the Sannin never once took up a Genin team, disregarding the fact that when Namikaze Minato was taught by the Toad Sannin, the Namikaze was already a Chunin and it was an apprenticeship that they have. So, it was a surprise that Orochimaru agreed to be a Jounin instructor.
The experience of having Hatake Kakashi and Orochimaru in a team was, surprisingly enough... pleasant.
Itachi didn't know if teams were supposed to be like this but... hmm, he didn't care.
"A C-Rank mission?" Kashi-kun asked— munching on the baby carrots Oro-sensei packed as their snack for the day— voice slightly muffled from his mask (how he ate under that mask without anyone seeing a glimpse underneath it, Itachi didn't know). Itachi finished his and Oro-sensei offered him another one that he gladly took.
"Yes," Yondaime-sama said, pulling out a scroll that he handed to Oro-sensei, "Orochimaru has reported that the two of you has been doing a great job for the past week and with your level, he asked if there's a simple C-Rank available for your team. Your mission will be escorting Koji-san and his merchant group to Yugakure."
Itachi felt excitement in his gut as he thought about their mission. He has never been out of the village and his first time would be with his team. He was a bit happy that their mission didn't involve any kind of violence but instead and escorting one. His cousin, Shisui, sometimes tease Itachi for his hatred of anything that concerns hurting other. Shisui asked him why he even wanted to be a shinobi if he's a pacifist, he told Itachi that it's a part of their job description and sooner or later— there would come a time where it was the only way out of a situation. Despite his teasing, Itachi liked Shisui. He always wanted a friend who wouldn't be afraid to tell him things about that.
"We'll take it," Oro-sensei said after reading the details of the mission. He faced them, "I'll give you two a list on what to pack on a week long mission and we will leave tomorrow."
"Hai, hai~" Kashi-kun said in his cheerful yet lazy tone, giving them that odd eye-smile that Itachi became used to.
"Yes, sensei," Itachi nodded.
His sensei looked at him with serious eyes and after a second, offered him another baby carrot.
Yes, he liked his team.
(Very much.)
"Oh, and before I forgot," Yondaime-sama said with a serene smile, "tomorrow, I'll be assigning your third and last member. Despite not having an experience with teamwork with him, I'm expecting for you all to warmly accept him in your team."
A week before Team Oro's C-Rank mission was proposed...
Contrary to popular belief, Jashinism is a respectable religion cult thank you very much. They have beliefs and practices every religion cult has. And despite what others think of Jashinism, it is not a cult. It is. It's not. It is. It's not. It is—
("It's not, you motherfucker, shut your fucking mouth, you worthless scum!" An unnamed extra yelled in the background whom we all should just ignore for sanity's sake.)
Jashinism is a very respectable religion for some and a very shady cult to others.
Some beliefs and practices in Jashinism includes:
- Giving life to Jashin-sama.
- Jashin-sama is the world and the universe itself.
- Pay respects to not only Jashin-sama but also to your elder and to your younger peers.
- Each member of the Jashinism
cultreligion are required to attend the Saturday meeting to discuss the beauty and greatness of Jashin-sama. - When entering someone else's household, pay your respects and do not enter with your footwear (Jashin-sama hates heathens.)
And the list goes on and on, some made sense, while others were just... plain odd that the story may or may not tackle later.
So, the cult religion states that Saturday is the holy day for Jashinism, all members were gathered in their secret hideout place of worship.
Buttercup (who asked not to be named and for him to remain anonymous) sat in his seat like a drunk biker in a pub after a long hour of driving with his biker gang (bikers were so effing cool) and was seen smiling in a way that he would not be yet dubbed as insane but would now be dubbed as adorable with how his cheeks full of baby fat puffed up.
"All rise," the lead preacher for the cult religion announced and all the loyal believer of Jashin-sama (who may or may not be a legitimate god) rose from their seat as they started to chant their oath.
"I swear to uphold the teachings of Jashin-sama. To swear fealty to his almighty image. And to spread his word and greatness," the preacher stated, "dramatic pose!" And just like the idiot faithful follower that they were, all members of Jashinism held a dramatic pose of their own making.
(Buttercup imitating Sailormoon's famous pose.)
(And how he looked truly adorable menacing with it.)
And after five seconds holding their poses, the preacher told them to go back to their seats.
An hour passed of Jashinism rituals that we would not state here as Buttercup asked not to be revealed because of how awesomely terrifying it was (but in reality, it was just an hour for the preacher to preach how 'wondrous, beautiful and magnificent Jashin-sama was' and really nothing more).
"Now on important matters that we should discuss," the Jashinism preacher started (holy day was a day for paying respects to Jashin-sama and to discuss matters on-going with their cult religion), "first, how Yugakure, our beautiful village, is now turning into a tourist spot. What are your thoughts?"
Several hands rose and the preacher chose an unremarkable shinobi.
"It is preposterous, Preacher-sama!" The very unremarkable shinobi exclaimed with such vigor that for a second, he transformed into a Jojo character— filled with harsh lines and intense shading, "Yugakure is a shinobi village! Violence and bloodshed is how we should live by! What will a shinobi like me do if the village forgot its ways and turn into a damn tourist spot?!"
Buttercup nodded his head along as he followed the unremarkable shinobi's words. Well, he was a student in the Academy and an aspiring shinobi himself so he completely agreed with the man's words.
The truly unremarkable shinobi (who was now starting to feel like someone was insulting him behind his back) was about to start speaking up again when the preacher waved away his concerns.
"Yes, yes, I gotchu, bro," the preacher said in a very unprofessional way, totally ignoring the shinobi and his concerns and the first important topic of their meeting for a more interesting one, "but let us not dawdle on that. Have you all heard the rumors circulating on Konoha?"
The Jashinism members were left confused because they had never talked about other village's issue before and the preacher has never disregarded their first issue of the meeting before. Buttercup scanned his peer members, wondering what's happening at their meeting. It's not that he cared about other village's issue before, it's just that he really didn't. He just didn't care. Why the fuck should he when Yugakure's turning into a damn tourist spot?!
"I see," the preacher said, voice going back to proffesional and preach-y sounding, "it seemed that the son of the Yondaime Hokage who was allegedly pronounced as dead ten years ago has experienced perfect resurrection."
'What the fuck,' was the single collective thought running throughout everyone's minds after the preacher's words. It was very amusing to watch how the Jashinists reacted with this news. A member fell from his seat, someone stabbed their designated seatmate, a woman with red hair broke out in a mumble of Fuuinjutsu while Buttercup's seatmate was sporting a wide eye, jaw hanging from shock and a large pool of drool was now in Buttercup's shoulders.
And in response to this disgusting act and because his Mom would totally yell at him if he go home smelling like someone drooled at him (which in this case really happened), Buttercup slapped the hell out of his seatmate or as we should call him now as Jashin Minion 1.
"Why?!?" Jashin Minion 1 yelled, pure betrayal written on his face as he was now woken up from his shocked stupor.
"I'm sorry," Buttercup apologized, remembering Jashin-sama's teaching of respecting your elders, "there's stupid on your face."
Jashin Minion 1, clearly an idiot, accepted his reasoning and apologized for the stupid on his face.
They went back to listening to the preacher when the man started speaking again.
"And based on the rumors, Hatake Kakashi, the Yondaime's son, was truly dead at the age of six but now, he was pronounced as alive after the Yondaime made an investigation and his son has truly been ressurected," the preacher stated gravely, "and do you all know what this means?"
Buttercup raised his hand and the preacher called him.
"We all should kidnap Hatake Kakashi and make him our patron saint," he suggested knowingly.
And the Jashinists agreed with his suggestion without an ounce of hesitation, not knowing the chaos of what this action would result for the peaceful existence of the cult religion.
Notes:
I don't know if Itachi's a bit OOC in this one, his character's so hard to write and considering the current circumstances, it's obvious that there will be a change with his attitude in canon and he's younger in this one, not yet jaded by the regrets of killing his clan. And yeah, Jashin. Huh.
I'm sorry for the grammatical and typographical error and for not answering the comments and reviews. I'm sick and high with my medication, so my sickass decided that now would be a great time to update even though I haven't had the chance to answer the comments yet. So, I'm unable to do that because I'm just pushing myself to write this before I completely collapse on my bed and sleep the night away. I may or may not regret this tomorrow. Nonetheless, I appreciate all the comments the last chapter received!
I should've drank my water, bitch.
— Segnor
Chapter Text
Kakashi thought that there's nothing that would ever faze him anymore. He's in the past (in a different dimention or reality actually) and his father who's supposed to be long dead was the Hokage— things that normally happen to a protagonist (e.g. Uzumaki Naruto) has been happening to him eversince Tsunade threw that dreaded scroll at him. So no, nothing would ever faze him anymore because he already accepted that shit would happen and whether he liked it or not, he's unfortunately in the center of it.
He's infamous for being Kakashi no Sharingan. The man who copied a thousand Jutsu. Kakashi's Obito's sharingan in his left eye gave him a range of eyesight no glasses could ever grant a person. So, when he opened his eyes after a short nap and saw nothing (literal pitch black and eerie darkness)— it fazed him.
He panicked.
"I'm blind!" He yelled with distress.
And with his panicked state, he noticed that he couldn't hear. Was he— was he also deaf—
"Kakashi-kun," a voice in his right deadpanned, "your hitai-ate's covering both of your eyes.
Oh.
Oh.
Haha.
Kakashi chuckled at his silliness and moved the hitai-ate covering his eyes to replace it back in his forehead where it rightfully belonged.
(Being an old man's hard.)
(Maa~ old age.)
Kakashi looked in his right and saw Tenzo looking at him with full judgement, as if he couldn't believe his greatness, and Itachi innocently munching on his sandwich.
(Kakashi wanted to award Orochimaru as a sensei, ever since he became their teacher, Itachi was always munching a snack— looking like an innocent squirrel with his cheeks full. It's actually fascinating how this adorable child was turned into a kin-killer in his future-past. Life's very weird in that way.)
"Maa~ Tenzo-kun, forgive this old man for his antics," Kakashi said, with an eye-smile, as if he's in his actual something-something body and not inside the body of a five or six-year-old child.
"But you're younger than me," Kakashi heard Tenzo muttered.
When he saw Tenzo waiting for them at the village gates, he was pleasantly surprised that he was about to be the third (or was it fourth if you consider Orochimaru?) member of their team. The eight-year-old (if Kakashi was really counting the math of it, Tenzo's supposed to be eleven years old now if Kakashi's originally fifteen at this time because Tenzo's four years younger than him but really— should he even think about that?) at their first meeting was stoic. But it has been three days since their travel from Konoha to Yugakure and the team managed to break that stoicism away.
Using Kakashi's hip and cool attitude, Itachi's precious wide eyes and Orochimaru's delicious snacks, the former ROOT agent was slowly breaking out of his shell. It was a slow process but eh, they're getting there. He's pretty sure that after this mission, Tenzo would be a cheerful child.
(Kakashi thought about Tenzo being cheerful and he scratched that idea. He really couldn't imagine Tenzo being cheerful. He once remembered that Naruto was scared shitless of Tenzo because of those haunting looks he used to throw at the Uzumaki and when Kakashi heard about that, he was very amused to learn that his cute student was apparently afraid of ghosts. Kakashi wanted Tenzo to learn that ghost-look trick again because he knew that there would come a time when they would need it.)
(Who knows? Maybe after this mission, they would take a mission pretending to be a ghost somewhere.)
(Wouldn't that be a fun experience?)
Speaking of mission...
Kakashi eyed their clients with a tilt of his head. When he first laid eyes on them, he immediately knew that something was not right with them. He noticed that they kept on giving him this strange looks that he couldn't comprehend but when he observed that they weren't harmless, he just let them be on their business. Something smells really fishy (and no, it's not because Itachi eating a tuna sandwich) and because Kakashi's life was now an entertainment for bored youths, he knew that sooner or later, shit would hit the fan with this mission.
He's been at Yugakure before but the village was mostly peaceful, considering that they gave up on their shinobi ways and chose to be a tourist spot. So, he couldn't help but think what would go wrong this time?
It was their first mission out of the village and he's remembering how the mission at Wave went and now he's chaneling how he felt at that to his current paranoia.
Kakashi didn't know why he's feeling irked at their clients and in this mission but now that he vowed to be as happy-go-lucky as possible, he ignored his paranoia.
It was not as if they wouldn't be able to stop the inevitable shitshow of this mission. He's the Rokudaime of Konohagakure, a chibi he might be but he trusted his current abilities. Itachi's an Uchiha and even in this age, he's quite deadly. Tenzo has freaking Mokuton and not just a week ago, he's a one of the ROOT. And their teacher was Orochimaru. A fucking Sannin— that in itself was scary enough.
So, there's really no reason for him to be paranoid.
Now that he thought about it, if someone dared to even sabotage or mess with their mission, he pity those poor bastards.
(Kakashi smiled at his clients when they again stared at him like how Naruto stared at his ramen and ignored their murmurs of "Jashin-sama" even though he felt like he heard that name before.)
(Did Kakashi borrowed money from this Jashin dude or something?)
("In the name of Jashin..." Koji muttered as the merchant group started doing a very strange and creepy poses and Kakashi wanted to not really owe this Jashin guy money if this dude manage to make these old farts do something as disturbing as that.)
(That referencing to the merchant group imitating various Bishoujo Senshi Sailor Moon poses, Koji was actually imitating Tuxedo Mask— as to where the hell he got that rose from, Kakashi didn't want to know and he seriously didn't want to be associated with this group. Why were they so strange?)
(Were they going to be charged if they copied poses from a different anime?)
(Was that plagiarism?!)
At the third day of their mission, Team (Orochimaru really haven't thought what number their team was or what he should call this team) Still-Unnumbered-And-Unnanamed arrived at Yugakure. Even though they were escorting a group of merchants, they were very lucky that their client has horse drawn carriages and wagons for their products and goods. The normal travel time of five days for civilians were reduced to three days. The merchants were kind enough to let his students ride their carriage even though they were supposed to be guarding them. It was relatively a safe travel because bandits didn't really frequent the route they took from Konoha to Yugakure, so Orochimaru let it slide. But even when he told his team to take it easy, he knew that they were still aware of their surroundings and the Snake Sannin couldn't help but feel proud at these three children.
"It's grand," Itachi commented at the hotel their clients provided for them.
"Our mission's done and you have already paid for it. There is no reason for you pay for our lodging," Orochimaru told Koji, the leader of the merchant group.
"Oh, no, Shinobi-san, we're just thankful for your services. It has been a long time since our travel was that smooth," Koji reasoned out.
Orochimaru's eyes glinted at the strange look Koji gave his students and he gave him a nod, "then, we shall accept it. Thank you for your generosity."
The leader of the merchant group smiled at him as he led his men inside the hotel. Koji told him that they would stay at the same hotel even though just by looking at him, he knew that the fee for it was expensive.
Orochimaru led his students inside and after getting their room key, he ushered them in and let the three children choose what bed they would sleep on.
"Are we going to rest now, Oro-sensei?" The ever inquisitive Itachi asked.
"Do you want to?" Orochimaru inquired back. Itachi glanced at his teammates for a second before he nodded his head. He gave them a gentle smile, "then rest. After our long journey, you all deserved it. We can look around the village after you are all well-rested."
The three nodded their heads and started on changing their clothes for sleeping. Orochimaru unsealed some of the reading scrolls he brought but before he got to start on reading them, a quiet voice asked, "aren't you going to sleep, Sensei?"
He looked up to see Kakashi's stormy grey eyes looking back at him. The small child was already dressed in yellow pyjamas (a surprisingly bright colored outfit for him) dotted with tiny dogs and Orochimaru patted his head for reassurance.
"I'm still fine, Kakashi-kun. I'll guard you three when you're asleep," he told him.
The gray-haired child stared at him with an inscrutable expression but after a moment, his eyes smiled (how he did such a thing, Orochimaru was left to wonder).
"Okay, Sensei. Have a good read." And he padded on his bed to lie down.
When he first learned that Sakumo was assigning a team to him, he thought that there would be a sliver of hesitance when he accepted it. But after spending time with them, even with the new addition to their team, Tenzo-kun, he already adored these three ball of charm.
If they asked for it, Orochimaru was willing to raze the entirety of Elemental Nations to the ground.
(If someone even dared to harm a single hair in their head on his watch, dissection would be a small mercy he could offer.)
He smiled cheerfully (or as cheerful as he could be) at his train of thoughts before starting his read.
(Somewhere in the deepest, darkest part of Yugakure, or really, they're just in an onsen, the Jashinists collectively shivered as they discussed the next step of their plan— feeling like they awaken a devil that would cause them doom.)
Notes:
I'm really wondering if this chapter's boring, I'm sorry if it is. I just really wanted to incorporate Tenzo in their team in a fast way and I wanted them to arrive at Yugakure for the actual shenanigans in that village.
If you're one of my reader from Traversing Golden Waters, you would know that for the past month, I've been sick. I recovered from it, thankfully but luck really wasn't at my side because surprise surprise, I'm sick again! Damn this poor respiratory system of mine!
This chapter hasn't been edited yet, because I'm so sleepy and I really wanted to realease it now, so, maybe tomorrow I'll edit it. I'm sorry for the typographical and grammatical error. I'll fix it tomorrow.
Thank you for all the support, the likes, the bookmarks and the comments you all did for this crack fic of mine. Y'all never failed to make me smile and make my day feel complete!
Drink yo water and calm down, bitch, and advance happy Christmas!
— Segnor
Chapter 11
Summary:
A sack. A blanket. And waiting for a miracle.
Notes:
(See the end of the chapter for notes.)
Chapter Text
'That's it. I have truly experienced everything life could offer...' That was the thought running through Kakashi's mind as he tried to adjust his body in a comfortable position inside the sack he's placed in.
He knew that there was definitely something suspicious about their clients. The group of traveling merchants (or as what they've disguised in and introduced themselves as) were an odd bunch to start with. But thinking about Gai's boisterous laugh and booming voice, his interaction with their client was not the weirdest he's had. But he didn't think that they were going to kidnap him! (Insert scandalous gasp in a trans-Atlantic voice.)
He shouldn't have accepted it when they said that they were going to treat him to the best dango Yugakure could offer. But could you fault him for it? It was free dango! Who wouldn't want that? Itachi and Anko would definitely fall for it too! It's dango! And it's free!
'But what are they going to do with me?' Kakashi mentally asked himself and his mind immediately supplied him with answers. Child trafficking. Organ harvest. Prostitution. Slavery.
The list goes on and he was horrified at what would inevitably happen to him.
"What a short... long?... What a life," Kakashi mumbled to himself, completely dismissing the fact that if he wanted to escape in his sack, he could.
He's the goddamn Rokudaime! He's a two-timed veteran (if there ever was one) and they fought a literal god in the last war he participated in! If he wanted to, he could escape and beat up his kidnappers.
But did he want to?
Nah.
He's just going to take a nap.
Orochimaru-sama or Oro-sensei (like what Tenzo now called the Sannin because Kashi-kun told him that it's the only appropriate name to use for the man) was on a warpath.
The normally fond look in Oro-sensei's eyes was replaced by a blazing fire when he learned that his student was kidnapped. Tenzo had never felt pity before but he could feel it prickling in his system when he imagined what would happen to those people who dared to touch Kakashi. But that feeling was replaced by a hint of anger as he thought of Kakashi's situation now.
Kakashi was an infamous prodigy who died too young but now that he's somehow resurrected, Tenzo knows that the Hokage wouldn't let anything happen to his son. Not even a Bijuu could stop the man in extracting vengeance to the lunatic who thought that it was a great idea to hurt the man's son.
He was there when Danzo-sama received the most epic smackdown of the century from Sakumo-sama. Tenzo witnessed how the elder didn't manage to even fight back against the Hokage's relentless attack. Their base was caught completely unaware. The Hatake just appeared out of nowhere then boom, that's Danzo-sama's brains in the wall.
Tenzo was there when the ex-councilor died.
And the ingrained mindset that Danzo-sama placed on him made him attack the Hokage when he saw how the elder died. He could proudly admit that it was one of the worst decisions he had ever made on his short life because he just saw how the warhawk died at the hands of the Hatake.
Why would he wish that upon himself?!
But his deep fear was unfounded. The Hokage didn't do anything to harm him back even when Tenzo attacked him. Instead, the white-haired man disarmed him of all his weapons and he suddenly found himself wrapped in the fluffiest and softest blanket he had ever touched. As to where the man got the blanket?
Til this day, Tenzo had no idea.
("Poor child, there, there," the man— the Yondaime Hokage, his mind absent-mindedly supplied— muttered as he carried the confused child in his arms and patting him in the head.
The child ignored the blood in the man's hands as he stared back at the Hokage's kind eyes.
What happened?)
Tenzo would forever treasure that moment in his memory because it was the first time that he felt warmth. It was the first time that someone showed him this kind of action.
He was used to Root's coldness.
He was used to the feeling of ice seeping through his body as he woke up for another day of training and purging the remaining emotions in his heart.
He was used to the indifferent eyes of his instructors as they told him how useless he was for failing a technique that they were teaching him.
He was used to the feeling of wrongness whenever he was in the vicinity of Danzo-sama, his head supplying him of how he would die early just to serve this man.
That's why when he found himself at the company of Hatake Sakumo, the Yondaime Hokage, a day after he killed Danzo-sama, Tenzo was surprised to find out how right the feeling of this man was. How safe he and Oro-sensei made him feel.
("What do you mean you don't have a name?" Sakumo-sama asked the blank-eyed child staring at him.
"All Root agents are Danzo-sama's tool. We are born to serve and die for him. What use is there for a name?" The child answered, completely emotionless, clutching the blanket that the Hokage gave him yesterday.
Root was all he ever had in his life. He had no name. No family. No nothing. And some part of him screams at how lonely his existence was.
The child watched as Sakumo-sama shared a glance at Orochimaru-sama, the Snake Sannin and one of Konohagakure's top shinobi, and the latter tilted his head while staring back at the child.
"Tenzo," the Sannin said.
The child didn't ask what the long-haired man meant but he elaborated for him.
"That shall be your new name, if you would like one."
The child, now gifted the name of Tenzo, repeated the name inside his head.
He liked the sound of it.)
He owed his life to Sakumo-sama and Oro-sensei, that's why he was disappointed at himself that he couldn't protect Kakashi. Kashi-kun was the Hokage's son and one of Oro-sensei's first student. Tenzo felt obligated to protect him as a payment for what the two have given him. It was only right.
(And he was Tenzo's friend. Him and Tachi-kun. If what the book Oro-sensei have him was true, aren't friends supposed to protect each other? Always be there for them? Then, why couldn't Tenzo do that?)
"Tenzo-kun."
He heard his name being called and when he looked up, he was greeted by Oro-sensei's calm expression.
The rage in the man's eyes were no longer present as he stared at him.
"I do not know why Kakashi-kun was kidnapped but it wasn't your fault. I can see that you are blaming yourself. Stop it," the man gently chided then glanced at Itachi, "the both of you."
"But..." Tachi-kun tried to protest but he was silenced when Tenzo took his hands. Tenzo was a bit guilty that in drowning in blaming himself, he completely forgot that Itachi was with him when Kakashi was suddenly kidnapped. He disregarded the idea that tge Uchiha would also blame himself for what had happened.
"We need to rescue him," Tenzo told his teammate and friend. "We need to be there with Kashi-kun now."
The Uchiha eyed him for a second before he nodded, determination rising up to him.
"You're right."
The nodded at each other and turned back to their sensei who was watching them quietly.
"Alright," the Sannin started as a plan started forming in his mind. "If we want to rescue Kakashi-kun, we will do it... discreetly."
Jashin Minion No. 1 thought that something must have gone terribly wrong to their plan when all they ever wanted was to simply retrieve their new patron saint.
Staring at the rampaging big ass snake ('Manda,' his mind whispered thinking back on the rumors of the Second Shinobi World War about the Legendary Sannin and their gigantic summons), he thought that this must be his end.
What a terrible way to die. Digested by a snake.
He just hoped that Jashin-sama's patron saint would produce his first miracle and save them from this unbefitting fate.
Notes:
I'm terribly sorry for the super late update. It's been like... three months since I've last updated this. Hehehe. I have no excuses!
This chapter was unedited. I'll prolly clean this tomorrow if laziness won't kick in.
THANK YOU FOR ALL THE LOVE AND SUPPORT GUYS! I LOVE Y'ALL!
Drink yo water and calm down, bitch.
— Segnor
Chapter 12
Summary:
Becoming a Patron Saint: Kakashi Edition.
Notes:
(See the end of the chapter for notes.)
Chapter Text
In Icha Icha Paradise Volume 1, page 34, chapter 5, entitled: 'Yamete, Kuroo-kun! Nyaa~'— it distinctly discussed what kidnapping was. In that chapter, the female lead, Madoka-chan, was kidnapped by Kuroo-kun's (the male lead and her love interest) enemies. Kuroo-kun arrived on the scene to rescue his damsel in distress and there was a long-shit ass beating that happened between the male lead and the extras. In the end, Kuroo-kun won and when he arrived where the enemy hid Madoka-chan, he saw her tied up in a very suggestive pose and the night proceeded to be steamy as Kuroo-kun ravished Madoka-chan and took advantage of the ropes tying Madoka-chan up. BDSM at its finest and— the point was, Icha Icha was an educational book as it teaches its readers what one should do in a particular situation.
And in this situation, a kidnapping, Kakashi was a bit upset that he was the damsel in distress. He didn't want someone like Kuroo-kun to arrive and rescue him. He didn't want to be ravished, okay?! What the hell even was Jiraiya-sama thinking when he wrote that scene! That cannot happen in real life and Kakashi would sell his soul to Kaguya herself just to prevent that.
Just the thought that he was about to be the victim of a particular BDSM (how traumatizing), Kakashi shook himself in his lazy reverie and was about to rescue himself when he woke up to a bizarre situation.
He was sitting on a lavish throne, still garbed in his bright yellow pyjama topped with an authentic fur coat in his shoulders and a scenic view of half a hundred people bowing reverently in front of him.
Okay...
This... This was totally out of the norm, right?
Kidnapped people normally do not wake up to something like this, right?
(This is very different from that Icha Icha scene.)
"Bless us, O Saint-sama!" The group of fifty diversed people said in unison.
He impassively stared at the gathered group in front of him because what in the name of Log was happening right now? Who gathered this lunatics and made an elaborate set up just to prank him? Were they even pranking him? If this wasn't a prank, then what the hell is this? Some kind of foreplay?
(Kakashi has read many types of foreplay before and this topped the lot.)
And uhm, Saint-what now? What did they just called him?
Even if his mind was rammed with hundred of thoughts and questions, Kakashi didn't let his confusion show through his face. Instead, he sat laid back at his (it's his now) throne and waved languidly at the cuckoos.
"In the name of ramen, I, Saint-sama, bless you with longevity."
(If they called him as Saint-sama and asked for his blessing, then he would play with them and give them what they wanted.)
(All his life, he has been dealing with a lot of eccentric people and the first lesson he learned so that they would get out of his face was just to ride with whatever they were saying.)
Kakashi yawned and blinked when his statement was met with gasping from everyone.
Some were staring at him with wide bulging eyes, some had jaws hanging from their faces, some were clutching their chest as if they were about to have a sudden heart attacj and Kakashi saw a man dead fainting in his feet. Clearly, there was something wrong with what he said but for the life of him, the chibi Hatake didn't know what it was.
Could someone please explain what... what is happening? This was some next level trolling and Kakashi almost applauded at the audacity of these people to do this to him.
"... Kakashi-sama," the man standing next to Kakashi's right, that was wearing an outfit not unlike a temple monk, spoke almost hesitantly.
(Oh, so they do know who he was. They weren't just picking random kids in the street. Good for them, then.)
The chibified Rokudaime gestured for the man to continue when he realized that he was waiting for his permission to speak.
Weird.
But who was Kakashi to shame other's kink? If that's what's make him sleep at night, then do you, random monk guy!
"You have given us the greatest blessing of all," he started. Kakashi was incredulous when there were tears forming in his eyes and his confusion turned to full-blown astonishment when the gathered fifty lunatics mimicked the man and weeped.
With snots and everything.
(It was disgusting.)
(And fascinating at the same time.)
"Telling us that we will be blessed by longevity, means that we weren't wrong to choose you as Jashin-sama's patron saint. You truly are a miracle!" The monk wannabe added, sniffling and rubbing his eyes.
Ah. So that's why they were all like... this. They're Jashinists.
That explained everything.
Kakashi nodded to the mentally unstable man, "I am a benevolent patron saint."
It was the wrong thing to say because everyone gathered at his feet, crying and repeatedly chanting his name.
("Papa, Orochimaru, anyone... please come and get me away from these people before I get infected by their stupidity," Kakashi thought to himself, giving the gathering of crying people an innocent eye-smile— completely dismissing the fact that he could get out of here without a scratch if he bothered standing up from his comfortable perch on his throne.)
(And that was his plan in the first place— to rescue himself.)
(He kinda forgot about that at the show of stupidity.)
Revised Version of Jashin-sama's Official Commandments to True Jashinism:
1. I am Jashin-sama, thou shalt not have no other Kami before me. (But if you do have one aside from me, you do you.)
2. Thou shalt not make unto thee any graven images without disclaimers. (Plagiarism is a crime.)
3. Thou shalt take the name of Jashin-sama in vain. (Curse in the name of Jashin.)
4. Remember Jashin's day, keep it holy, thou shall bring foods and drinks. (Socialize, laugh and enjoy my day.)
5. Honour thy elders and youngers. (But if they disrespect you, pinch a lemon in their eyes.)
6. Thou shalt make songs upon the name of Jashin-sama. (Show your talent.)
7. Thou shalt or shalt not commit adultery, thou is a grownup, decide for thyself. (You are all adults, I, Jashin, do not care.)
8. Thou shalt not steal but borrow permanently. (The latter one is more elegant than the former.)
9. Thou shalt bear false witness upon thy's nemesis. (Spread rumors.)
10. Thou shalt covet and praise Jashin-sama's greatness. (For I am vain.)
Kakashi didn't want to be a patron saint of a religion cult, but he was turned into one without his permission, so, he would do it with style. Younger him followed the shinobi rulebook to a T and this time he would forever the last rule that he himself, as the Rokudaime Hokage, implemented and that was: "Shinobi Rule No. 420— incase of a SNAFU, bullshit your way out."
(It was a very effective rule and Kakashi was proud of his genius.)
"Ah... Saint-sama—"
"Kakashi," the Hatake corrected.
"— Saint Kakashi," the preacher adjusted and Kakashi narrowed his eyes because it was still wrong but he let it go.
"What is it?"
"If I may ask..." The man hesitated and Kakashi waited for him to gather up his courage to talk to his awesomeness. "Were is the commandment about our rituals?"
An image from the future-past of one of Jashin's famour follower's rituals assaulted Kakashi's mind. He eye-smiled at his preacher and his audience.
"As your patron saint, I forbid rituals and offerings to Jashin-sama." As bitter may it taste in his tongue, Kakashi addressed the faux god with a respectful honorific.
"But why!" A tiny and angry voice protested in the crowd.
The Hatake's eyes snapped at the child who dared to question a patron saint like him and an unbidden surge of joy and excitement hit him at the sight of the child. How cute.
"Cupcake—"
"— Are you calling me Cupcake, you motherfu—"
"One of the things that Jashin-sama hates is crowd-filled places. Your may think that the lives you sacrificed and offered to him will give him satisfaction but what you did was the opposite. His godly-dwelling is now filled with noisy and irritating souls... He is rather displeased with it. So, he sent me back to life to tell you this message and to correct your ways."
Kakashi was spouting countless bullshits and he couldn't say he regretted it. He was not really that surprised when they told him the reason why these idiots decided to make him their religion's cult's patron saint. The way to counter stupidity was to fight it with a higher form of stupid. So, here he was now, arguing with a Jashinist about how their religion cult should function.
"But what about our first commandment?" The preacher asked. "It was about rituals and sacrifices—"
"Fuck them first commandment," Kakashi said with fervor in his voice and a slight accent he once heard from a younger shinobi.
(Cue gasps from the imbeciles.)
"What use is the revised version if you all are going to ignore it?" He asked. He stood up from his throne and scanned his eyes at the crowd to ask: "or are you questioning the word of your Patron Saint?"
(Cue another set of gasps but this time, it sounded more scandalized.)
Kakashi didn't know how they did it, but the Jashinists unanimously yelled, "we would never, Saint Kakashi!"
From his standpoint, everything was going well. The Jashinists were happy. The preacher was talking his ear out about the celebration they set for him. And Kakashi was completely manipulating these bunch of idiots with their unknowing permission.
Really, everything was fine. If he continued his act— which he was fully enjoying because watching stupidity unfold always entertained him— then he would escape this religion's cult's sacred ground hideout without harming anyone. And that was when the panicked screeching ensued.
Manda was attacking his followers.
(Damn, he was slightly becoming fond of them, too.)
(How is this is life.)
Notes:
Sorry for the late update!
This chapter is unedited, so I'm sorry for the typographical and grammatical errors.
Thank you for all the comments, kudos and bookmarks! I love y'all!
If you're interested, I have a Discord server. We aren't always active but meh. It's this: https://discord.gg/CNHkgYPX3Q
I have nothing else to say.
Calm down and drink yo water bitch.
— Segnor
Chapter 13
Summary:
This whole thing was a ball of confusion and misunderstanding. Kakashi didn't want for his followers to have an early death.
Notes:
(See the end of the chapter for notes.)
Chapter Text
If someone asked Orochimaru weeks ago if he ever saw himself as a teacher, he would confidently tell answer them that no, he would be a horrible teacher. But if you asked him now, then he would tell them that he was still horrible at it.
He was...fond of his students.
Uchiha Itachi was a very kind child. Truthfully, the life of a shinobi did not suit him. He was the first person Orochimaru met that did not like violence but chose a life of one. But oddly enough, the thought of Itachi continuing his career as a shinobi placated the Sannin. He deemed that maybe they needed that child's kindness. That the shinobi force needed someone as soft as Itachi; that maybe Orochimaru would not be the only one affected by that child's nature. He just hoped that Itachi's kind nature wouldn't bring him pain. He vowed that if that time came, he would be there to carry the weight of pain on his student's shoulders.
Tenzo was a very perseverant child. Even if everything was taken away from him (his name, his home, his family, his identity), Orochimaru never heard— not once— Tenzo complaining. He resolutely stood up on his own feet, endured, and quietly enjoyed the what the world really offered. He was trying so hard to feel normal, to feel what ordinary people feel that mosy of the times, Orochimaru saw his students explaining feelings and emotions (of all things) to dear Tenzo. He always appeared to be confused by every small thing that the very image of it almost broke Orochimaru's heart because how dare they take this child's past— and that the only thing he could ensure Tenzo was that the Sannin would always be there with him in the present. And in the future, he promised that he would be there for him too— he swore that not even death could hold him back.
And Hatake Kakashi— he was a bundle of intricacies.
Orochimaru would never hesitate to admit that he was not great at reading other people. Sure, he could read negative emotions and intentions from them but seeing people as just normal people troubled him. At first he did not notice that Kakashi was helping him. It was very subtle— almost manipulative but Orochimaru could not say that he was upset by it. It was in the smallest things Kakashi did for him that the Sannin learned that his student was trying, and succeeding, to help him.
Kakashi was there to nudge him to have small talk and learned Itachi's kindness. Kakashi casually pointed to him that Tenzo at his age was a very strong child for never giving up. He was the one to introduced himself first when their team was created— and broke the spell of awkwardness (that Orochimaru later learned was there) hanging around them. Kakashi was the reason why some of the civilians now see Orochimaru as just a man and not some untouchable myth— he humanized his image by telling the Sannin to personally join them at their D-Rank missions, apparently the image of him pulling out weed for someone's life backyard made the civilians of the village approach him and thank him for what he did.
There were many more small things that Kakashi did for Orochimaru that he never noticed in the first place. But as he went home, civilians and shinobi alike greeting him and asking how his day went, Orochimaru internalized that it was all Kakashi's fault.
Orochimaru understood that their team would never exist in the first place if the little Hatake was not there. He tied them all together and now that they were all tightly tangled with each other, Orochimaru never wanted to untangle himself away from them.
Kakashi was a complicated child. Not in a bad way. He was complicated because Orochimaru could never predict what was running through his student's mind. He was always surprised by everything he did that at this time, he most certainly should never expect less from him.
He adored his students. He cherished each and everyone of them.
Orochimaru was never a possessive man. He knows how to let go even if how painful the process was but at this point, keeping his students near him (watered, fed, comfortable, safe) was an almost instinctual urge ringing inside his head, blaring at him to obey that loud instincts.
He was certain thay heads would be rolling if someone stepped against that urge.
And now that someone did— he did not hesitate to summon Manda to track his lost student.
(Tenzo blamed himself for what happened to Kakashi. Itachi kept trying to stop himself from crying but Orochimaru saw how watery his eyes were. Even trained, the were still children— the numbers of their age not reaching double digits yet.)
(The only thought running through Orochimaru's mind was to get his three students to safety, bubble them up in a warm blanket, hold them close to his chest while letting the world burn behind his back.)
(It was a dangerous thought and Orochimaru knew that some would be disgusted at how selfish it was. That he was willing to risk the world for the safety of his three children. And there would be no hesitation in his part if that would be so.)
Standing atop Manda next to his two students, they tracked Kakashi's scent in a cave outside Yugakure.
Orochimaru did not hesitate to order Manda to destroy the mouth of a cave. As rocks crumbled and debris fell, screams and wails erupted from the people inhabiting the cave, Orochimaru attention lies solely in his student.
His dear, sweet Kakashi. Sitting atop a throne while fifty or so people were kneeling towards him while screaming and crying.
It was a sight Orochimaru would never expect to see.
His lips curled in disgust at what these people forced his student to do, "you disturbing creatures."
Itachi was clutching Kashi-kun. He was clinging tight to his teammate while trying to reassure himself that the Hatake was whole, unhurt and safe in his arms.
The sight they were greeted when the entrance of the cave gave in was a very disturbing one. Itachi had never seen something like it but he heard some rumors earlier in the village about the strange cult residing outside Yugakure. That said strange cult conducted terrible rituals and killed for a very illogical reason— an offer to their diabolical god.
Itachi didn't know what would happen if they arrive late. If they completed their ritual and sacrificed Kashi-kun to their god. He didn't know what he would do if that happened but he was certain that it was something he wouldn't like but have to do so. Even if he committed something unforgivable against these cult worshippers, it was expected of him. Hatake Kakashi was his teammate, surely avenging him wouldn't be a wrong thing, right?
"There, there, Kashi-kun. Everything's alright now," he petted Kashi's soft gray hair, murmuring reassurances to the clearly distraught Hatake while he watch Tenzo-kun breaking the fingers of a man that was dressed like a monk.
"You're safe now."
Kakashi sweat dropped.
He was sure that there must've been a misunderstanding somewhere. Manda eating his followers was surely an overreaction, right? Orochimaru, Itachi and Tenzo were overreacting. There's no need to decimate his nutty followers.
Kakashi's guiding them in the right way. He's here now to teach them about the true ways of Jashin. He had ascended from death to save them.
The chibi Hatake suddenly stopped his train of thoughts.
Wow.
Just wow.
He's infected with stupidity now. Just look at how fast it was spreading throughout his body and breaking down his immune system's defense against it.
(How scary.)
Watching Manda swallow another one of his followers, Orochimaru slashing those who dared to face him, Tenzo's continued torment against his religion's cult's preacher and Itachi murmuring sweet things while clutching him— Kakashi wondered if he could revive his followers.
"You fucking big-ass snake! I refuse to be your lunch, you overgrown reptile!"
Oh, look!
Cupcake's arguing against a very venomous, very deadly snake that was hundred times his size. How courageous. How valiant. How cute.
(Manda would have indigestion if he ate that one.)
Maa... Time to start his first miracle as Jashin's Patron Saint, then.
Notes:
I have nothing to say except for the apology y'all deserve. It's been a long time since I last updated and thanm you for waiting for this. And I'm sorry for the short and lacking chapter.
And oh! There was a fan-art for Chapter 10 Thank you so much @Novirp13 for the wonderful art. Y'all should see it, it's so cute and I'm so happy right now! And here's the link: !https://novirp13.tumblr.com/post/656222766538850304/this-type-of-humor-always-gives-me-a-whiplash-d
Sleep early bijjs!
— Monsi
Chapter 14
Summary:
A lot of cursing. A lot of eaten Jashinists. And a lot would happen in the future.
Notes:
(See the end of the chapter for notes.)
Chapter Text
Cupcake— "Motherfucker," he cursed outloud and restarted his internal monologue.
Hidan thought that he was going to die that day. He knew that it was borderline suicidal to confront a humongous snake summon. Him, a fifty-inch ten-year-old, versus a colossal serpent locked in a fight would surely be comical— if it can be called a fight at all when the serpent just decided that he wasn't worth his time and proceeded to swallow him whole. And that there lies the shitty problem!
He refused to be this bitch ass lunch! He probably wouldn't even taste good! And why the fuck does this snake think that it's fine to eat them! The bastard who own this bullshit of a summon needs to bw punted six-feet underground!
And that is if Hidan survived his fucking snake first.
He knew at this moment that he would die. Hey, he's awesome as hell! But with his size and say— lack of tools that would help him kill this freaking snake, he never in a million would win. Even he could admit that challenging and cursing a humongous snake in its face just screams a premature death. But unlike most of the now eaten Jashin-sama's devotee, he wasn't a pussy.
Hidan was everything. Cool. Awesome. Inspiring. A bit of a hot-head, he could fucking admit that. But never a pussy.
His 'ma didn't raise no coward. If anything, the woman would be disappointed at him if she learned that he ran away from a fight. She would smack him upside the head and tell him, "our ancestors didn't sacrifice their lives in the Sengoku Period for you to ran away, Hidan. Get back there and don't come back until you've broken their spine."
Hidan always listened to her 'ma. How couldn't he? She's a very smart woman. Too bad that he couldn't convince her to pray to Jashin-sama. Saying that it was a "waste of my time" and "why should I pray to a god whom I've never met? Don't be smart on me now, boy."
She was smart. A bit heretic and blasphemous towards Jashin-sama but Hidan loved that woman.
And he loved Jashin-sama too. Hidan would fucking offer his own life if Jashin-sama descended the mortal world and ask him to give his life away for his god.
Even if he couldn't have a longer time with Saint Kakashi and acquaint himself with the godly being of Jashin-sama's, Hidan would pray for the Patron Saint to guide the remaining Jashinist's to the reformed religion he was envisioning.
It was a shame, really.
Hidan thought that Patron Kakashi was a bit odd for a Patron Saint of Jashin-sama. For one, he discouraged them to commit their rituals (Hidan hasn't even reached the age to perform one) and he changed Jashin-sama's Commandments. The change was baffling. But if their god chose this chibi Patron Saint, then who was Hidan to question him?
Hidan stared the serpent down— Manda, someone fearfully yelled earlier pertaining towards the summon— and waited for the cocksucker to eat him whole.
But it never came.
Instead, their new Patron Saint appeared in front of Hidan, facing the open mouth of the serpent that inhibited large (too large) and pointy (so, so pointy what the fucking shit being impaled in one of those would hurt like a bloody bitch!) fangs of the summon— holding out a hand that stopped the snake from swallowing Hidan.
(The small Jashinist hid a sigh of relief he released. His 'ma would hunt him in hell if he didn't come home. She specifically ordered Hidan to buy her potatoes because they were having stew that night and if she didn't get that potatoes, he didn't know what would happen to him.)
All actions seized at what Kakashi-sama did. The terrifying long-haired man that has an interesting facial features (Hidan's self preservation instincts told him not to insult the nor curse him even in the privacy of his mind) stopped slashing his already bloodied sword to the idiots that tried to fight him and that one, also terrifying, kid paused on his torment towards the preacher (that poor fucker).
Everyone was staring at the gray-haired Patron Saint.
"Maa... Maa... Calm down, everyone. This is a just a big misunderstanding."
And he smiled.
Using his eyes.
(HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?!)
Hidan didn't know how or why it happened. Because the next thing he fucking knew he was holding a cup of tea, rice cracker in front of him while Kakashi-sama and his band of Konoha nins were gathered around him and the injured preacher.
He didn't know where the tea set came from. It just appeared out of nowhere when the Patron Saint's teacher told them they all should talk what Kakashi-sama meant with what he told them under the calming effect of tea.
(Hidan wondered what he should call the Jounin sensei. He was Kakashi-sama's teacher, if he was their Patron's teacher thay meant he was higher than him in the hierarchy.)
(But Jashin-sama's saint transcends death and mortality, he's not even considered as a mere human at this point.)
(Nevertheless, Hidan chose to respect the man when he learned that he was a fucking Sannin— why the fuck did those idiots attacked him knowing he was that legendary?!— and was just plain frightening with his mad kenjutsu skills and summon. He decided to ca him Orochimaru-dono. The man deserved it for scaring Hidan and almost made him shit his pants when he turned to glare at him earlier.)
Hidan picked up a rice cake and took a bite. Grimacing, he placed it back down. Ugh. Tea and rice cakes weren't build for his taste buds.
"So, you're saying, Kashi-kun, that you acquired a cult?" The Uchiha spawn asked.
And oh, no. What did he say?!
"We're not an effing cult! Jashinism is a true religion! We've even applied for legal registrations!"
Hidan was ready to throw hands if the Uchiha tried to diss their religion further. He did more for less, afterall. He gave no crap if this pretty boy had a clan of dojutsu users backing him up.
"The cult religion has legal papers?" The Hatake asked and that was a cue for Hidan to shut the hell up.
"We were denied. But we tried to apply again. Hopefully the village registration office will finally accept us. It will be a shame now that we have you here with us," the preacher ended in a hopeful tone.
Orochimaru-dono made a small sound of disagreement.
"Who told you that I'm letting my student be your Patron Saint or whatever role you deemed him as?"
The preacher for his part just whimpered and Hidan thought that response was the right one. Well, who could really disagree with the man if his fucking snake was still roaming behind them and vomitting the mangled remains of the body he ate up?!
(Calling it mangled was an overstatement. Those who were turned into some kind of a shitty lunch by the serpent were surprisingly still alive with their complete appendages. Apparently, Manda still hasn't digested them and Orochimaru-dono gave them an antidote for the serpents venom. Unfortunately, those eaten up were covered with the serpents almost acidic saliva and some of their clothing didn't survive the event.)
"But, sensei, I gave them my word that I will help them see the wrong in their ways—" what wrongs? "— and I hate breaking promises that I made... That would be... Sad."
Hidan watched with wide eyes as Kakashi-sana tried to reason with his sensei. What the fuck. The Hatake has balls of steel! The simple action of whining to that terrifying man would move anyone to tears!
(Hidan sniffed and surreptitiously wiped his eyes, Tenzo also surreptitiously scooted away from him— the Konoha nin didn't want to get this Jashinist's flu.)
As the surviving members of Jashinism (nobody evem fucking died!) recuperated in the background, Orochimaru elegantly sipped his tea and hummed.
"Then what do you propose to do with this cult?"
Kakashi couldn't believe it— well, he did but semantics— Orochimaru was an enabler! He was asking what Kakashi wanted to do with his idiots!
He knew that his decision to mentally adopt this man (without his consent) wouldn't be for a waste. There was a reason why he bothered to approach this man at that fateful day in the cemetery!
He was enabling Kakashi! There was no hesitation in him when he asked for Kakashi's opinion!
(Kakashi calmed himself down.)
(He imagined various gruesome death inside his mind to stop himself from adapting a shit-eating grin from all the bullshit he's cooking up in his mind.)
(He's Hatake Kakashi, a once Rokudaime of Konohagakure from the future-last, once ANBU Captain, a once twice war veteran and accomplished Jounin— it would be below him to giggle childishly in front of his teammates and cult.)
(He couldn't contain a frw giggles that escaped his mouth.)
Orochimaru sipped his tea, finally calming down his bloodlust. He was not aware of what was funny but if Kakashi could giggle freely like that, that meant he did not need to kill these lunatics for real.
He handed the Jashinist child (Cupcake? Kakashi called him with thay name earlier, poor child, why did his parents named him that?) another rice cake. When he tilted his head up to give him s confused look, Orochimaru just smiled. The child stuffed the rice cake whole in his mouth and proceeded to empty his cup. Orochimaru gave him another one, planning to berate the imbecile of a monk for not feeding this child.
(In the background, Manda was muttering grumpily.)
(Manda would certainly whine at him later for taking back his lunch.)
(Orochimaru would deal with that later, for now, he was content on watching his students eat and drink tea. It was time for their snack anyway.)
Notes:
At this point everyone knew Cupcake was Hidan!
Welp, this ties up the Jashinists' arc in this fic. This would be their last appearance but expect them more for the future and the trouble they would bring. And oh yeah, I couldn't get rid of this chapter in my mind so I had to immediately write it up and publish it! This is unedited so, I'm sorry for the errors!
Thank you for the comments last chapter! I had fun reading them!
— Monsi
Chapter 15
Summary:
Stalkers aren't limited to creepy men or women. Some were part of Konoha's shinobi population.
(A snippet in the daily lives of being a shinobi.)
Notes:
(See the end of the chapter for notes.)
Chapter Text
It was Wednesday, thus, the official snack meeting commenced between rivals, Teacup and Pancake. They have been conversing for the past hour or so, ingesting copious amount of tea and unhealthy amount of dango, talking shit about other clans, the shinobi population in general or just some random rumors they heard this week. It was at that moment when Teacup noticed that there was something wrong with his rival and tried to subtly interrogate it out of Pancake.
Considering that they were rivals since birth, Teacup knew Pancake like the back of his hand. He hated to admit it but they were often thought of as best of friends but the two denied it to their dying breaths, continuing to antagonize each other and competing with their accomplishments as a shinobi of their respective clan. Observing the man since he was a child to identify what made him tick and annoyed, Teacup was aware that his rival seemed... gloomier than usual.
Pancake was a bastard with a stick in his arse. His facial expressions were always irritatingly blank (it came with his clan, Teacup presumed) but this day, there was a constant furrow in his brow and his eyes looked melancholy. As if he was a shinobi deployed in the frontlines, missing his dear sweetheart— Teacup held that thought.
Oh, he knew why his rival was acting like this. Sighing like a lovesick loon missing his lover.
"You know," Teacup started casually, staring at the shinobi in front of him, watching what his reaction would be, "your crush on Orochimaru-dono is so obvious at this point."
Teacup didn't expect for his rival to choke on his tea. Amusement swirled inside him as various patrons of the dango and teashop glanced their way and they all took stock of how a shinobi of Pancake's clan was almost defeated by a drink.
He grinned as Pancake recovered from almost dying, "you're missing your crush, aren't you?"
"It's a man-crush," Pancake valiantly tried defending his honor with no success. "And no, I'm not missing Orochimaru-dono. Why would I? It's not like it's been two weeks since I last saw him."
Teacup eyed him with pure judgment, "uh-huh. It's still a crush. And you're keeping count of how long he had already spent with his mission? What are you a hormonal teenager?"
"I am not."
"You say that yet you liked Orochimaru-dono since we were children."
"How did you know?!" Pancake gasped as if Teacup wasn't an audience on how thirsty he was towards the Sannin.
"I would be blind if I didn't. You almost cried when you heard that Jiraiya-dono will be a Jounin instructor but not Orochimaru-dono. And you always hang out with Minato just to ask endless questions whether the Snake Sannin visited them or not. And have you forgot that you sucker punched a Chunin when you heard spreading nasty rumors about him? You have a crush, dear rival, and it's not just a man-crush."
Pancake resisted the urge to bang his hand in their table because that would be very unbecoming of him and that action would be so inelegant. Instead, he huffed and prepared his well-worded speech on the reasons for his man-crush.
"Have you seen him?" Pancake started, "have you ever really stared at him?"
"No, I'm not a creeper," Teacup denied.
"Then, you are missing one of the wonders of life. Look!" And Pancake proceeded to pull out pictures from his pocket.
Teacup's eyes boggled widened n surprise because what the actual fuck? Why did he have a picture of the Snake Sannin drinking tea? Who took that picture? This was stalking right? It's not normal anymore, right? Why was Pancake like this! He has a wife for kami's sake!
Pancake started ranting. "Have you ever seen someone that elegant and beautiful? Look at the way his black hair shine in this picture and how it perfectly framed his sharp features. The clan marking in his eyes compliments his pale skin."
Teacup shook his head. Right. His rival was insane.
"You notice the weird things," he commented, staring at the picture Pancake held in his face but silently the agreed that he looked divine in this shot.
They were silent for a minute, gazing at the pictures of Orochimaru-dono and appreciating the man. Apparently, his rival have collections of pictures, showcasing his crush in different angles with different background and some of them even have his students in the frame. Teacup didn't know what to say in this moment, Pancake's words circling his mind.
"Does your wife know about this?" He inquired.
"Yes and she supports me," Pancake answered almost sounding proud, stacking each pictures and placing it back in his pocket with great care.
"I still don't get you." Teacup said still unconvinced, even though he's kind of getting it, but Pancake's not finished yet.
"And look at how he stare at his student like he will do everything to protect that child and he will risk the whole Elemental Nations just to see him happy," Pancake stated in a wistful voice, "have you ever wondered what it feels to be the receiving end of that?"
Teacup sighed and took a bite of dango, contemplating his rival/friend's words.
He unconsciously nodded, "I think that will feel nice."
"Yeah," Pancake sighed with a small smile.
A minute passed until Teacup realized what he just agreed to. He looked at the other man and saw him wearing a smug looking grin.
"This conversation stays between us," Teacup gritted out.
"That's the law of Dango Wednesday," Pancake's grin widened. "And you, my friend, now have a man-crush."
"... I despise you."
Pancake victoriously said, "and I loathe you."
(Teacup wondered if he should report this man to the Uchiha Police.)
(He has evidence of stalking.)
(But Teacup wasn't exactly sure if this was illegal. They're shinobi for kami's sake! Subterfuge and stalking was in their profession.)
Gai was frowning.
It was a very weird day indeed if the ever lively ang YOUTHFUL! Gai was frowning. But the teenager couldn't help it. There was something following him!
At first Gai wasn't aware of his stalker. It never even came up to his mind that someone would stalk and watch him. He always got this feeling or strange instinct telling him that there were eyes following gis every move. It was a strange feeling as Gai never even noticed who was watching him. So, Gai just shook his head and told himself that he was being absurd. No one would do that to him. Konoha was safe. It was the village he grew up in after all! He was being a bit paranoid, which was pointless.
But it got to the point that even his peers notices it.
They were eating barbecue at Yakiniku Q when Asuma approached him about it.
"Gai."
"What is it, Asuma?!" Gai asked, enthusiastically shoving a barbecue meat in his mouth.
"This may sound odd, but have you noticed that there was following you around?"
The whole attention of the table was pointed towards the two of them. As they heard what Asuma said, they subtly looked around, wondering what Asuma was saying— oh.
"Oh, I thought that I was being paranoid," Gai tilted his head, thinking.
Rin chuckled. "Wow. It seemed like Gai has a secret admirer."
Hearing this, Obito wore a confused expression. He stood up and scanned the whole restaurant, subtlety lost in him and some of the teenagers in their table groaned at the Uchiha's lack of bullheadedness.
"I see any admirer," the Uchiha said after going back to his seat.
Anko groaned and hit the back of Uchiha's head. "Two o' clock, next to the potted plant. Namikaze's teachings are useless on you."
When Obito saw someone peeking next to the potted plant, he gave Gai a congratulatory thumbs up.
"Nice going, Gai! Your charms are finally acknowledged, at last!"
"I don't know if that's an insult or a compliment," Asuma murmured but they all ignored him.
"Thank you, my friend!" Gai boomed, raising a thumbs up of his own and lips pulled in a large grin showing his perfectly white shining teeth. "It seemed that the flowers of spring finally bloome on me! I will confront my admirer this very moment!"
As Gai stood up, his friends uselessly held him to stop him from doing something that would shoo his admirer away, the shadow next to the potted plant vanished.
"They're gone," Obito unhelpfully commented. "I don't think that's an admirer. More like a stalker if you ask me."
"Obito!" Rin hissed.
"That's not very youthful at all! Why would they ran away from me? Was there— Am I hideous?! Was my teeth not shiny enough?!" Gai suddenly asked.
"Gai, it's in the middle of the day. It's not the right time for self-deprecation." Anko sighed, wondering why she's hanging out with these losers.
Kurenai and Asuma shared an exasperated look.
Kakashi sighed in disappointment. He had just gone back from Yugakure yesterday when he remembered he still had a friend to ambush. His fiftieth attempt to approach Gai failed because of Obito. Damn him and his Uchiha genes.
Time to form another plan.
(Kakashi swore that he wasn't having cold feet trying to approach his best friend.)
(He's not.)
(He's really not.)
(Seriously, he's not. Please, believe him.)
(It's not like he was nervous of approaching Gai and not knowing how to establish their bond as to how Kakashi remembered it. He's in a body of a six-year-old and Gai was already sixteen or so.)
(Kakashi remembered way back in Konoha's future-past or his original dimension and teenagers weren't fond of being associated to someone that was basically a toddler in the shinobi ranks.)
(It's embarrassing, they told him.)
(Would Gai be embarrassed of being seen with Kakashi?)
Notes:
Teacup and Pancake are back!
Heyo! This was unedited, sorry for the grammatical and typographical errors! I'm sorry too if they were a bit OOC but ya know, teenagers! And I haven't exactly got to read a Naruto fic for the past month so I'm a bit rusty with the characterization.
Thank you for the endless support and encouragement!
Drink, eat and rest, my love!
— Monsi
Chapter 16
Summary:
An odd afternoon under the shade of an oak tree.
Notes:
(See the end of the chapter for notes.)
Chapter Text
Something... Something was currently happening. Kakashi didn't know what it was yet but something definitely was happening and it was because of his current relaxed situation right now.
Shaded from the sun by the leaves of a sturdy oak tree, atop a soft red and white chequered was the languidly laying Kakashi. Next to him, Tenzo, Itachi and Orochimaru were sitting in a perfect seiza— different variation of sandwiches, fruit and vegetables salad, crispy rice crackers, some pieces of cheese and two kinds of iced tea were scattered in the center of the mat that his sensei just finished taking out of his woven basket.
It was an odd picture.
They made up for an odd picture for sure.
Orochimaru with his widely rimmed straw hat that has a yellow ribbon attached to it, Tenzo with his heart-framed sunglasses and Itachi holding a frilly and floral patterned parasol— Kakashi's teammates looked strange especially if you take into consideration that they were still wearing their full ninja gear.
Kakashi didn't know what was happening but surely with his teammates even with their team filled with eccentric members, this wasn't their normal getup and scenario.
"Sensei... Are we having a picnic?" Kakashi decided to ask, slightly miffed that he wasn't informed. Hey, if they were having a picnic, then they should've told him! At least he would have dress for the occasion.
(Maybe he would wear denim jumper with his ninja clothes? A pair of slippers instead of his open-toed sandals? A cardigan?)
(What do they even consider as a picnic outfit these days?)
(Kakashi didn't know. It's not as if he ever went to a picnic before. The closest one he could compare to a picnic that he attended was that time when his cute little students decided to throw a birthday party for him even when it wasn't even on the correct date. They were sitting under one of the trees at the training ground, a blanket with questionable stain was spread out under them and Naruto was carrying a basket filled with food. He received gifts from the three and Naruto told him that it was bad manners to not eat a food someone specifically cooked for you. Sure, he got a severe case of food poisoning because of Naruto's cooking and was advised to stay at the hospital for a week but an advice won't stop Kakashi from escaping that dreaded place.)
(Overall, the experience was just like a relaxing picnic.)
"No, Kakashi-kun," Orochimaru said in a very controlled voice.
Suddenly, Itachi whipped out an instrument (was that a harp? Where did he even get that?!) that he started to pluck delicately producing a deeply calming sound and Tenzo creating a flower crown that he place atop the now sitting (from bewilderment at seeing the instrument) Kakashi's gray hair.
Orochimaru smiled serenely, "this is an intervention."
... What kind of manic fever dream is this?
After double checking that no, this wasn't a figment of Kakashi's hallucination due to poisonong from an unidentifiable colorful mushroom he might or might not ate because of curiosity and unrelenting childish urges (don't judge him, he washed it before consuming it, okay?) and that yes, he was perfectly hearing and seeing this.
"An intervention?" The mystified Hatake asked, "for whom?"
"For you, Kashi-chan," Itachi answered, still plucking that harp.
"I'm not a drug addict. I don't have any vices and I stopped praying to a cup of sake before I went to sleep. So, why the intervention?"
Yes, Kakashi used to pray to a cup of sake before going to bed. It was a ritual Tsunade taught him and being the wise alcoholic that she was, Kakashi secretly followed it. But that was in the past now. Kakashi in the present didn't do that no more and he's quite proud of getting that habit out of his nightly routine.
(But sometimes, in trying times, he missed doing his ritual of praying and seeeking guidance at the kami of sake.)
(Sometimes just praying to some unidentified random god of an alcoholic drink calms the rage in Kakashi's mind and made him sleep undisturbed from nightmares in the night. He wasn't getting the Enlightenment Tsunade was getting but it sure was a therapeutic habit.)
(One of these days, if the world managed to fuck with his equilibrium again, Kakashi would bring back that habit and he would encourage his teammates to join him.)
(It's for their own good. And if randomly making an unneeded intervention for Kakashi was a blaring sign that he must teach his and Tsunade's ways sooner rather than later because they were clearly mentally off-balanced.)
The trio surrounding him got a curious expression in their faces when Kakashi let slip of his ritual but the Hatake raised an eyebrow in a silent challenge to question him. After a bit, the relented and Tenzo spoke, deciding to explain whatever in the name of kami made them plan an intervention for him.
"Ever since we finished that mission in Takigakure, we noticed that you were acting a bit more peculiar than normal."
"Expand on that 'bit more peculiar'."
The three looked towards each other and Itachi— finally— stopped playing thay damned harp and faced him. Then they started the assault.
"Just yesterday, I saw you pouting while mumbling something about rivalry, spring and eternal," Itachi stated with a confused tone. "I even heard you asking yourself if you should wear a green jumpsuit... I don't think that will suit you, Kashi-kun."
"You asked me to play rock, paper, scissors with you and when you won fair and square, you told me that as punishment for losing to you, I should run to the top of the Hokage Mountain with my hands and if I can't do it, I should run fifty laps around Konoha. I... I don't think that's how that game was played..." Tenzo trailed off, a tad uncertain.
Orochimaru cleared his throat as if preparing for a long speech.
"Some shinobi were told me that they saw you stalking someone, Kakashi-kun. I will not reprimand you for stalking a fellow Konoha nin because stalking is part of our trained skills but they told me that you snuck out of your house at midnight to creep at a fifteen-year-old Chunin."
Kakashi maintained his blank expression. "Who was that 'some shinobi'?"
"Your father, Yondaime-sama."
That snitch.
When Kakashi remained silent, refusing to address this ridiculous topic they were having, Orochimaru sighed and patted Kakashi's hair.
"Whatever it is that was bothering you, Kakashi-kun, you can share it to us and we will try to help you. We made this intervention with you with Hokage-sama's suggestion because clearly, your father was concern. And so are we," he stopped patting Kakashi's head and peered closer at the chibified Hatake. He hummed. "Your hair is dropping for a bit, you clearly are bothered with the issue antagonizing your mind for days."
Kakashi looked at all of them and saw the efforts they were trying to express their concern towards him. He didn't know whether to be proud for the decrease of their emotional ignorance or mystified that they were suddenly using theit recently found skills at him.
(Time traveling dimension hopping was really weird. Kakashi wouldn't recommend it.)
"Is this about that Chunin Might Gai?" Itachi asked. "He's the only one I know that wears a green jumpsuit and with the constant monologue about Youth."
"Did he hurt you? Should we dispatch him for you?"
The sudden homicidal tendency of Tenzo threw him for a loop. When Kakashi was back retrieving his sanity, the three in front of him was wearing a terrifying expression.
"Maa..." Kakashi sighed and scratched his cheek.
(If he didn't clarify things now, Gai would probably die of an unknown cause.)
(His teammates concern for him was heartening but their willingness to dispatch a fifteen-year-old Chunin and fellow Konoha nin for him was mildly horrifying.)
Kakashi took a deep breath and admitted something that only under the extreme torture of a genjutsu would manage to pry this out of him.
"I want to be Gai's friend," he almost whispered in a tiny voice.
(Missing Gai was making him ridiculous!)
(Kakashi hated it.)
(10/10 wouldn't recommend.)
Omake: What Team Oro thought after Kakashi's confession
"Kashi-kun's... Cute," Itachi absently thought, his hand unconsciously reaching for a sandwich.
"Friends. Are Kashi-kun and Tachi-kun even my friends? But they're my teammates. Is that counted? But—" Tenzo had a low key paranoid litany of thoughts.
"How wonderful. I don't even have friends." Orochimaru smiled gently at his student then started to make a fifty steps full-proof plan on how he could help his student achieve befriending the green eccentricity.
Notes:
I have nothing to say except thank you for the continuous support and love. Ha! Y'all thought I'm dead, didn't ya?
— Monsi
Chapter 17
Summary:
Please don't make a habit out of kidnapping someone and giving them a hallucination.
— Uchiha Obito, probably
Notes:
(See the end of the chapter for notes.)
Chapter Text
Out of all his Hokage, Tsunade-sama was Kakashi's favorite.
Minato-sensei was a great one, a good one even but Kakashi couldn't exactly comment on his sensei's rule as he wasn't seated that long and it ended with him dying a hero but leaving Kakashi with a boatload of trauma and fuel for his nightmares.
Despite the circumstances, Hiruzen-sama tried his best. Kakashi might have felt a small bit of resentment for handing Naruto in an orphanage and banning him to meet his sensei's son. He did understand the circumstances of why that was so everytime he was assigned as Naruto's ANBU guard, he gritted his teeth and ignored the pain of seeing Naruto feel lonely and alone in this cruel village.
Hashirama-sama was everyone's favorite and remembered with fondness and respect but Kakashi thought that maybe giving away sealed Bijuu as if it was a 'welcome to the neighborhood' gift wasn't the best of ideas? He could've given them a nice tuna caserole or a jar of pickled daikon but no— it had to be the Bijuu. Hashirama was always over the top. No wonder the Bijuu were so angry all the time, imagine they were simply having their afternoon siesta then poof! You be sealed! And you be sealed! And you with the nine-tails and cute fangs, you be sealed!
(If Kakashi was a Bijuu, he'd be pretty mad at that too.)
And it was later revealed in the Fourth Shinobi War that there was an unresolved sexual tension between Hashirama-sama and Uchiha Madara and that they were bestfriends (Kakashi scoffed, yeah right, who were they trying to fool with that bestfriend excuse?)— that just mean that the Shodai wasn't exactly right in the head.
(Just no one would look at that moody Uchiha with homicidal maniac and think: "look, brooding person who may or may not kill me one day but I don't care, lemme embrace him platonically, share my dreams, hopes and woes with him, build our dream village for the children and call him my bestfriend because that's what heterosexual dudes do in their free time :)" that thought was reserved for the Shodai, and the Shodai only.)
Tobirama-sama was almost there with Tsunade-sama because he managed to survive having the Shodai as a brother but one of his students was Danzo. That old coot was redflag for Kakashi, okay?
And Kakashi sure didn't like himself as a Hokage. He didn't want that position in the first place! He was doing his duties mainly because Tsunade-sama threatened to castrate him if he wouldn't take the damned hat and he was delegating his work.
So, out of all the Hokage, Senju Tsunade would always be his favorite.
Tsunade-sama got things done and if you're in her way, then better get out if you don't want to get bulldozed by her fists. And her words. Tsunade-sama's words of wisdom just made sense! Kakashi didn't know if it made sense to him because he just simply got it or if it was because Tsunade-sama was raised by the Uzumaki princess. Kakashi grew up hearing Kushina-nee's nonsensical prattling, he was always assigned as Naruto's ANBU guard when he was in the village and he was Naruto's sensei. It was a gradual process that just made him understand whatever the hell they all meant. He was a natural Uzumaki-talk translator.
So, when the great philosopher Tsunade-sama told him one day, "if you can't beat them, then die trying," Kakashi nodded his head like an obedient shinobi.
("Don't you mean 'if you can't beat them, join them,' Tsunade-sama? That's how the saying goes."
The Godaime looked at him straight in the eyes and slurred, "no, Kakashi, that saying's for weaklings."
Kakashi tried Tsunade-sama's words in his head. He nodded. "Understood.")
Tsunade-sama meant when she said that words that day was her not giving a fuck for almost dying from three-whole week of no sleep, no food and dehydrating herself from a gallon of sake just to gamble all her money away as a celebration of passing him the hat. She forgot due to drunkness that she could flush that alcohol out of her system and cure herself from sleep deprivation because she's a damn prodigal medic— it was that she couldn't beat her gambling opponents and she almost died trying that made her say that beautiful quotation.
Kakashi was remembering that specific quote because their circumstances were kind off similar at this moment. She was fighting off sleep, same as Kakashi.
Kakashi slightly shook his head to clear his thoughts and then proceeded to decapitate the missing nin in front of him while his team mates stood in the background, cheering for him.
He knew that hunting the missing nins in this current time's Bingo Book would be inadvisable for his chibified body but he had his team as his back up, if Oro-sensei saw him swaying at his feet from feeling sleepy, then he Itachi or Tenzo would take his place.
Kakashi refused to lose to something as trivial as sleeping.
Tenzo picked up the head and Itachi placed it in their storage seal. Oro-sensei went to him and wiped the blood out of his face using his handkerchief.
(He really liked his team. They were all supportive.)
(Afterall, he was doing this to follow their plan as to how he could get Gai as his friend again.)
Obito was a seventeen year Chunin. He was an Uchiha. He has the Sharingan. So how, pray tell, had he gotten himself kidnapped?!
He just finished a C-Rank mission and walked out of the compound to meet with his sensei and Rin as the tradition whenever they went out of the village for a week-long mission. He met Gai on the street and greeted him when out of nowhere there was a bag placed in his head. He didn't know how the perpetrator managed to hide their killing intent from Obito or Gai but they did and managed to caught them off guard. And before Obito could stab the perpetrator with his immediately drawn kunai, he blaked out.
Now, he was sitting on an admittedly soft chair, his hands were tied behind his back and a bag still placed in his head.
Obito just woke up and he pretended to still be sleeping— a tactic Minato-sensei taught him and Rin if they've gotten kidnapped by an enemy nin. He said to regulate their breathing and free their hands for a surprise attack.
And before he broke off a thumb to free his hands tightly tied hands, the bag was yanked out of his head.
His eyes immediately adjusted to his surroundings and even though his Sharingan was already activated to catch his kidnappers in a genjutsu, he was left confused by what he saw.
He was in... a pavilion in the middle of a beautiful lake.
The Uchiha didn't know that Gai was kidnapped too but when he looked in his right, he caught a glimpse of him also wondering what the hell they were seeing.
Orochimaru-sama was at their left, wearing an outfit of what monks would normally wear and holding what must have been a black book from a different religion. Next to him was Tenzo, if he remembered his name right, was holding a basket of flowers and wearing a frilly white sundress— looking all innocent and throwing flower petals everywhere. Itachi, his wonderful and quiet cousin, was playing a harp and if Obito wasn't in this situation now, he would commend his cousin for his skillful playing and asked where the hell did he learn how to play?!
Then, in front of them (in front of Gai, really) was the undead and recently resurrected Hatake. The kid was wearing a black tuxedo (from where he got that expensive and modern looking clothes, Obito has no idea) and holding a piece of paper, the lake at his background looked as if this scene was plucked out of a painting.
Obito (after a numerous amount of silent 'kai' to wake him out of this hallucination made not out of genjutsu but literal drugs) watched as the Hokage's son and genius of their age cleared his throat.
"You probably don't remember me but I remember you," the kid started, refusing to look at any of them so Obito wasn't sure as to whom he was talking about, and he was all focused in his paper that the Uchiha learned was a script for the kid's speech.
(Please someone get Obito out of here!)
"When I first met you, I basically called you useless because you failed the Academy for being unable to use ninjutsu—"
Ah, so he was talking to Gai.
"— you gave me a grin and a thumbs up, I was immediately irritated by your whole existence—"
Obito didn't know if this was real (it sure looked like it, his kai didn't work and he was witnessing this scene with his Sharingan, so it must be), he was terribly confused about what was happening but he almost laughed because of what Kakashi said.
"— but I admire your relentless spirit even if it causes headache not just to me but towards everyone. You always trained harder than anyone I've ever met and would never give up even when the whole world told you no and stop those blinding genjutsu background you always do after showing your pearly teeth because it's annoying and no one like it Gai just stop, please stop, why won't you stop it?! It's enough to give me aneurysm! So, help me kami if you don't stop grinning, I would pluck your teeth—"
Oh my freaking kami! Was the undead Hatake Gai's stalker?! That line was uttered by Anko last week after Gai told them again that someone was following but no one believed him because he's a shiny idiot. Gai thought that it was a compliment so he gave Anko one of his combos.
Why would Kakashi stalk Gai of all people?
(And wow, he was reading that mimicking Anko's voice, intonation and mannerism— the kid should consider theater!)
"— and as so, it turns out, I like that you're annoying. You're strong. You know how to run atop the Hokage mountain with just your left hand. No one could do that bowl cut as hideous as you do yours and you are the embodiment of youth, so..."
Kakashi let go of his script, he fumbled his pockets for a second, when he found what he was looking for, he turned to face Gai then brought one of his knees down the pavilion floor. He opened a velvet red box and revealed its content to Gai.
Obito watched whatever the hell was happening with bated breath. He was confused. He still didn't know what the heck this all was but the Uchiha couldn't help but think that this was all damn entertaining and intriguing.
"Would you be my Eternal Rival?"
Gai stood up from his seat (why wasn't he tied up?!) and walked towards the little Hatake, he motioned for the kid to stand up.
"I do," Gai said, silent tears leaking from his eyes and nose runny from feeling touched at the speech.
Suddenly, there was an explosion of flowers made by Tenzo, Itachi played the harp harder (how he could do that, Obito still haven't got a clue) and Orochimaru-sama walked towards the pair in the middle of the pavilion.
"I now, pronounced you Eternal Rivals," the famed and revered Sannin announced calmly and smiling a bit. "You may now eat the curry spice."
Of course the content of the velvet box was a fucking curry spice because why the hell not?! Gai was addicted to spicy curry and Kakashi, the little stalker, would surrly know that.
The pair shared the spice and they both laughed in happiness of their union.
Obito wanted to laugh to. In panic and mania because what the hell was happening again?! Why was this happening? Why was he here!
"Why am I here?" Obito wondered outloud.
"You were just with Gai at that time we decided to kidnap him. Good shinobi didn't leave witnesses," Itachi answered him, still playing that darn harp.
Then, everyone collectively decided to ignore him as Orochimaru brought out a basket filled with food.
"So, we didn't need that afterall," Tenzo mused.
"Need what?" Obito asked knowing that he really didn't want to know what these children were up to, he was still tied and not accepting the reason why he was brought in this insanity.
"Kashi-kun managed to collect a rather large amount of decapitated heads of missing nin from the Bingo Book to show Gai that he was an acceptable Rival because he was strong enough to challenge him," Itachi answered with his expressions unchanging from its serenity as if what he said wasn't a completely outrageous feat for a five year old even if that child was the Hatake genius! "Kashi-kun spent a week doing that alone, we were just cheering him in the sidelines. It's our contingency plan of convincing Gai that Kashi-kun does hard work too."
"It's a good back up plan," Little Tenzo agreed, still throwing flowers in the ground, swaying back and forth in his dress.
Itachi nodded. "It is."
Obito closed his eyes. Praying, begging for someone to get him out of these insanity. He almost, almost wished that someone plucked his eyes out because he recorded the past five minutes with his Sharingan and it would forever haunt him.
Notes:
I read a Naruto fic where Orochimaru was the bad guy and I got confused for a second, then I remembered that Orochimaru was a terrifying mf. He committed serious war crimes against Konoha and fucking killed their kage, experimented on children and was generally a megalomaniac psycho. I made him fluffy in my fics because I'm insane— caffeine would do that to you— but I wonder, was it ever explained why they just let Orochimaru roam free in Konoha after the War? Or was that Kishimoto/the studio being lazy again and just left that there?
UNEDITED CHAPTER. For clarifications, no, there would be no shipping Gai/Kakashi in this one because Kakashi's in the body of a literal child. If it's in the future, why not? But right now, please don't make Gai commit a sexual crime.
By the way, thank you for the patience and the non-stop support for all my ridiculous works.
— Monsi
Chapter 18
Summary:
Kakashi chose himself. The world would like to argue.
Notes:
(See the end of the chapter for notes.)
Chapter Text
Kakashi felt like everything was right in the world.
His father was alive breathingbreathinghe'sbreathing and thriving as the current Yondaime Hokage as if he's built for the position itself. Kakashi didn't know how competent the man was until he saw his father in his seat and handling matters with a calm smile while everyone was scrambling around him, very dedicated to fix their mess before the Hokage fixed it for them. It was an inspiring sight— one Kakashi wished to do one day.
(Yes, he was the Rokudaime Hokage but instead of respecting him, his subordinates were bullying him to do paperwork. It was very petty of Shikamaru to do that.)
Orochimaru, his Oro-sensei, looked... content. He didn't seem to be planning to usurp the Yondaime nor experiment on poor, hapless orphans (like what Danzo had offered to him before). He was a good teacher— a great one, even. He always prioritized their health above other (sometimes, even the mission) and seeing them looking at him, asking for guidance, never failed to make the man wear this fond look in his eyes.
Itachi-kun and Tenzo-kun were acting their age. Itachi was a rather calm child. Yes, he was loyal to the village but the fact that the Uchiha Clan was in good terms with Konoha as a whole didn't make him as uptight as before. He didn't look as if he was carrying the weight of the world in his shoulders. Tenzo, on the other hand, was emoting and familiarizing himself with being human rather than acting like a child who had never felt emotions before.
Gai, the ever wonderful jumpsuit-wearing teenager, was just Gai. He's still loud, obnoxiously annoying and perpetually clothed in green but Kakashi wouldn't change him for who he is. This was the Gai he knew before and this was the Gai that he would still have.
The people of this time world dimension reality were oddly happy— that, Kakashi noticed. Even Kakashi, himself was feeling a hint of happiness in his broken yet glued pieces to pieces soul. It was just so liberating and freeing to see all the people he lost in his past existing together in a peaceful time. But the thing was, he had never once encountered Minato-sensei. Yes, he saw Obito when he kidnapped Gai but he was ignoring the teen with all of his will. And Rin...
Kakashi wouldn't hesitate to say that he was avoiding his old teammates because it was the truth. He was actively avoiding and ignoring them.
He was thankful that they accepted his indifferent and ungrateful self back then but he just couldn't interact with them now. Even as emotionally constipated as he was, he knew that he loved Minato with all of his being. The man was like a father to him. Obito was his brother in all but blood, even though he didn't realize it back then and Rin was the sister he never knew he needed. But then... the pain and guilt he carried from all of their deaths devastated Kakashi like no one has ever made him feel before, even that of his father.
It was just, there was something in his old teammates that just broke him and even though he tried (and oh, kami, did he try) to fix it himself, he just couldn't. For a decade, after their deaths, he still was that broken husk of a human being and no suicide mission, forced therapy and hospital rest could put himself back together again.
(Kakashi could still feel it. Despite how happy he's feeling, depite seeing them all alive, there's still a part of his soul that was missing and he just couldn't find ir damnit!)
Kakashi wasn't a coward but how afraid he was. Afraid that if he interacted with them again, if he let himself open up, he would lose the remaining pieces of himself that he gathered with bloodied hands.
So, instead of giving himself that pain and being the martyr and masochist of the story, Kakashi avoided them like the plague. Maybe it wasn't healthy. And maybe Naruto would never agree with his method and Inoichi would tell him again and again that Kakashi avoidance wasn't the answer but he couldn't find the energy to care.
He's choosing himself this time. It mighr sound selfish but he's prioritizing himself. He's in his five (six?) years old body and it's time to act like his body's age. He's going to be selfish. He would choose himself. He would put himself above others and let others protect him in his stead.
(He knew in his bones that Sakumo and Orochimaru would choose Kakashi over the world.)
(And in the deepest, darkest part of his mind that he always tried to shut down lest it control him, he was smiling at that thought— that finally, someone would live for him instead of dying and would let the world burn just to see Kakashi safe and sound.)
So, yes, for the first time, Kakashi felt like everything was right in the world.
Fate has always been strange.
No matter how hard people tried to control or stop it, Fate would bulldoze its way and would say 'fuck you' to the world, laughing its ass off and watching the beautiful chaos that it's done and leave everyone scrambling in its wake.
People fated to meet would meet. Events fated to happen would happen.
No one, not even the gods, could prevent fate from doing its job.
"Just because you're an Uzumaki doesn't necessarily mean that you will be good with Fuinjutsu," a man said in a jovial tone, slumping next to his companion and making him drop the brush the latter was holding.
"Yahiko, you are being terribly irritating today," Nagato said in a sotto voce, keen eyes overlooking his work and tsk-ing when the lines he was doing weren't interconnected with each other. A waste.
The man sitting next to him had the gal to laugh in a boisterous way, "I saw Konan today!"
"We always saw each other, what are you talking about?" The Uzumaki asked, already placing a new sealing paper in front of him and dipping his brush in the opened ink bottle.
"She's extra beautiful today."
"And this concerns me, why?"
Yahiko huffed, and poked Nagato. The Uzumaki in turn swatted his friend's hand.
"Ever since you started working on that pet project of yours, you've become crankier. I missed the Nagato that used to listen to me talk," Yahiko whined, ruffling his orange hair in slight annoyance.
"I've always been telling you that you should just confess to Konan instead of chickening out—"
"— I'm not chickening out!—"
"— and acting like you weren't smitten with her ever since we were kids. And it's not my fault that I am more interested in seals than your constant litany of how beautiful and wonderful Konan is and oh, Nagato, do you think I have a chance with her? Will ever she notice me—"
Yahiko scrambled to cover his friend's mouth with his hands ans Nagato letting it happen. The man looked behind his back, as if expecting Konan to suddenly appear in a flash of papers.
"Fine, I won't bother you! Please, just don't ever repeat that again because she might hear you and—" Yahiko let Nagato go and laid in his seat. He groanes, defeated, "I'm pathetic."
"You are," Nagato agreed and smiled at the glare Yahiko threw at him, "and I am surprised that you still have the time to babble about Konan, being lovesick and bothering me in my spare time when I know you should be in your mission today."
Yahiko rolled his eyes, acting like a juvenilw teenager, "I remember the time when you weren't so sassy. You were so quiet and meek back then."
"I wonder how I survived," Nagato muttered. He sighed and faced his friend. Seeing the conflicted look in his eyes, he asked, "what's bothering you? And be honest this time, Yahiko."
The man paused, hesitant to even look at Nagato. A second passed before he answered.
"Do you think all of this is worth it?"
"It is," the Uzumaki immediately answered.
"I don't know, Nagato, it's just that—" Yahiko released a frustrated sigh, "we shouldn't be doing this thing. We're desecrating the dead, for kami's sake!"
Silence rang between the two after Yahiko's outburst, all the implications of their plan heavy on their shoulders. The mess of sealing paper around Nagato made Yahiko's doubt and guilt doubled.
"When we found information about the Nidaime's work, it was treated as a forbidden seal but the man himself was hailed as Konoha's architecr of peace. Yes, he wasn't clean and invented unethical techniques but he was a great man, Yahiko. What's the difference with what he did and what I am doing now?"
"The circumstances were different," Yahiko said in an almost pleading voice and for a moment Nagato looked as if he agreed but if there's a thing that all Uzumaki had, it was the fact thag if they stood by something, they would stand by it and die trying.
"Konoha was recovering from the Uchiha and Senju war at that time and Amegakure is still recovering years after the Second Shinobi War! What's the difference, Yahiko? Are you suggesting that we should forget our plans, forget our purpose because you finally had enough, forget the fact that the large villages just seem to forget Amegakure's existence when they finished their war and leave our land barely standing in its foundation and its streets littered with the bodies of innocent citizens?"
"... I don't know," the man said, surrendering.
Nagato patted Yahiko in the shoulder, knowing that his friend needed comfort but also knowing that he needed truth to be shoved to him.
"It's not for revenge or vengeance," Nagato assured Yahiko. "We established Akatsuki to pave peace not just to our village but for the Elemental Nations itself. Our goals may sound impossible but we are already on our way in accomplishing it. And if I finally completed this seal, the whole world will see us standing our ground."
"By desecrating the dead?" Yahiko sarcastically asked. "You already failed that one time!"
"By reanimating their dead, yes. And what is failurr if not a learning experience? This is just a small part of our plan, Yahiko, don't worry too much."
Yahiko gave up in making his friend see the wrongs in their ways. He desperately hoped that Nagato was right— that they were right.
The laat thing he saw before closing his eyes for sleep was the deep purple of the Rinnegan.
See? No one could ever stop fate. Not Sakumo. Not Kakashi. Not even by a redeemed Orochimaru or the hesitant Yahiko.
Fate was already planted in Nagato's eyes even before the changes in this reality were made.
(Somewhere in a dank cave, Zetsu lurked.)
Notes:
The hardest thing about writing time travel (dimension hopping) shits is that the story would lean towards diverging from canon. And I might have done that already with this fic but thankfully, I wouldn't have to make up a new plot. I would just steal Akatsuki, and their plans and just tweaked it a little bit.
I was busy last year, so, I didn't have the time to update any of my fics like a responsible author and admittedly, I have a massive writer's block. The only thing that forced me to update this was because I miss writing and I had the horrible idea of ruining Kakashi's peace. Truthfully, the onely focs I read on this fandom, as of now, were Kakashi-centrics and crossovers revolving around Kakashi. I miss this fandom.
As I was finishing Kakashi's bit in this chapter, I realized that I am writing him like a King in the Soldier, Poet, King. Or did I?
I MISS YOU GUYS!!!! HOW HAVE Y'ALL BEEN?!
— Monsi (I miss being Monsi!)
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