The King of Burgers

by Tempest (sniperct)

Summary:

Zoey wanted a burger. Like a for real actual American cheeseburger with all the fixings and a beef patty the size of Derpy. And a side of those huge steak fries and maybe some dipping sauce.

This Burger Emergency™ was pretty pressing. It was time to engage the Eyes™.

Notes:

Me: what would be the funniest job to give the remaining Saja Boys?

Happy labor day?

Zoey wanted a burger. Like a for real actual American cheeseburger with all the fixings and a beef patty the size of Derpy. And a side of those huge steak fries and maybe some dipping sauce.

She also knew her girls would always, always give into her if she just applied herself. Being the maknae helped. Them being head over heels in love with her? Also helped. Zoey kind of bounced a bit as the giddiness of having them love her back momentarily overrode the Burger Emergency™.

Still, the Burger Emergency™ was pretty pressing.

Bouncing into the living room, Zoey pounced on Mira, fully intent on begging for them to somehow get her a real burger from the States. She started with a smattering of kisses, because kissing was nice and usually softened Mira up. The kiss lingered, Mira's teeth grazing her lip, then Zoey nuzzled her jaw and kissed along her throat.

She was deep in biting Mira's throat when she remembered that she had a mission. Flicking her tongue against the bite mark and then kissing it, Zoey murmured, "Mira…"

Mira's fingers threaded through her hair, "I know that tone of voice." She tugged on Zoey's hair, slowly forcing her head back, "What do you want, baby?"

Which was unfair, it was cheating! As if both of them hadn't done the exact same thing to Rumi on multiple occasions. But then Rumi was extra into it. Into a lot of things. Hair pulling had only been the tip of an incredibly sexy and fun iceberg, there'd been the—

Focus, Zoey!

Biting back a groan, Zoey asked, "What makes you think that?"

Maybe she should have tried Rumi first. Rumi was their leader and also waaaaaay easier, especially when Zoey started with the kissing. It wasn't like she ever wanted anything unreasonable, right? Maybe an intercontinental flight for a cheeseburger was a little unreasonable though…

But she liked to take advantage of girlfriend privileges? Like stealing hoodies and lipstick and—actually they'd all been doing that for years and Zoey squinted her eyes. Sharing stuff, cuddling together, cheek kisses, everything short of—

"Zoey?" That was Rumi's voice. Zoey unlatched from Mira and latched onto Rumi, pulling her head down and kissing her as her mind went through their entire relationship from the day they'd met until the day they'd hooked up and became more.

She broke the kiss, grinning at how dazed Rumi looked and said, "I just had an epiphany but I'm pretty sure we've all been girlfriends for years and didn't realize it."

"Isn't epiphany your favorite english word?" Rumi asked, smiling.

"No, that's cacophony."

"Zoey." Mira chuckled, "Baby, just tell us what you want, you don't need to butter us up."

"I haven't even engaged my eyes yet," Zoey complained, a little distracted as Mira's hand rubbed circles in her back while Rumi's thumb stroked her cheek.

Burger?

Right. She was that kind of hungry, not that kind of hungry. No that wasn't true, she was both kinds of hungry, but could anyone blame her? She had both an angel and a devil to wake up to every day and some days it wasn't obvious which was which.

"I need a cheeseburger," She declared, before she got distracted by Rumi's eyes or the way the corners of Mira's lips were quirking and it really wasn't fair, what was a girl to do in the face of that except fall madly, deeply in love?

She was lucky, she knew that. Because they knew her and they accepted her and she was never too much and always just enough.

"At this time of night?" Mira asked, "I suppose we can try that burger king or whatever. Didn't one open up nearby?"

"I want real burgers with real cheese and real buns not crap!" Zoey glowered at them.

"But is it not the King of Burgers?" Rumi replied with a knowing grin.

"I was thinking of this place I know in LA," Zoey started to say.

Rumi laughed, "Zoey, we are not flying across the Pacific Ocean for a cheeseburger."

"What's the use of a private jet if we don't use it?" This time, Zoey engaged the eyes™ and pouted at them both.

"We're still waiting on a new one to be delivered," Mira said, pointedly not looking directly into Zoey's eyes which meant they were working.

"And we only use it for touring," Rumi reminded her, her own eyes on a fixed point behind Zoey's head.

They were learning. Zoey let out a sigh, "Fine, Burger King it is but you owe me a real burger some day soon."

"Great," Mira said, sounding strained. "Now disengage those weapons!"

Laughing, Zoey hugged her, the tugged on their hands, "Lets go go go!"

It was about a ten minute walk, which was nice. No too far, not too close. They knew this general area pretty well, having scoped it out and gotten used to it so they knew how to get around usually without being identified. Though Zoey was pretty sure most of their regular haunts had clocked them years ago and Rumi's new look only made her more easily identifiable. Point being, no one ever bothered to make a big deal out of it, which always made Zoey feel pretty great.

Like she was just a girl on a stroll with her girls. And if she appreciated it, then she knew her girlfriends did even more so.

"Looks like we're not so close to closing as to be assholes," Zoey commented, before dragging them in. "Bless the fast food workers and their burgers. Bless the coming and the going of the fries, may the sauce cleanse the palate..." Honestly there was nothing more American than a fast food restaurant with mediocre food and miserable looking employees, so Zoey wanted to at least make sure it was pleasant.

The girl at the register blinked at her in that way someone usually did about thirty seconds before they recognized her.

"Why don't you order for us," Rumi said, smiling.

"Okay! So we're gonna have the garlic bulgogi double whopper set for Rumi, a double shrimp whopper set for Mira, and a double cheese whopper set for me, all with fries and sprites. Also three orders of onion rings and 3 crispy kings with diablo sauce cuz we like it hot. Oh and a nugget king!"

Mira nodded along, "Yeah that all sounds fine. Can we get extra diablo sauce?"

"Make it three nugget kings?" Rumi asked, looking as though she had no idea what Zoey was ordering except 'bulgogi' and 'shrimp' but wanting them to all have an equal amount of food. Which was sweet.

"What my girls said," Zoey said happily to the poor, gawking girl.

"Okay," the girl said, poking at the machine in a daze.

Since this was her idea, Zoey paid, then dragged her girls to the side to fill their drinks and wait for the order. She looked into the back of the place, watching as a tired looking man worked the fry machine.

His moppy hair was a faded shade of blue, he had a scruffy, patchwork beard in the same color, and enough bags under his eyes to cover traveling for three months. The tip of his nose sported a fresh burn, probably from leaning too close to the machine.

Zoey's jaw dropped open and she tugged on Rumi's arm, "Rumi, what is Baby doing here."

"Working the fry machine," Mira said, taking a step forward.

"Mira," Rumi said, grabbing her hand before their girlfriend went into combat mode. "Easy. Look at him. He's not doing anything wrong."

Zoey didn't feel much anger at him. Pity, maybe, "How is he still here?"

"Trapped on this side," Mira said. "Maybe he can't go back."

Rumi leaned to the side a bit, "I think I see Romance mopping in the back, he looks so depressed."

As Zoey gave the surviving Saja Boys a considering look, Mira blew air out of her nose and mumbled, "Lets just get our food and leave."

"This is probably a worst punishment than sending them back to Gwi-Ma," Rumi mused.

"Exactly." Mira folded her arms.

"Kind of feel bad for them," Zoey admitted, her eyes moving to Rumi with some amount of worry. Not because she expected trouble, but there was a demon there, just working minimum wage like any other person. Like how Rumi was just a person.

Mira placed a cardboard crown on Zoey's head, "They are kind of pathetic."

"So lets get our food," Rumi said, teeth worrying at her lip. "Go home and not worry about it. We know where they are and as long as they keep making the choice to not cause trouble, I'd rather leave them alone."

If they weren't in public, Zoey would kiss Rumi right there. Instead, she squeezed her hand reassuringly, then bounced up to get their bags, which she somehow managed to carry all by herself. Ignoring her girls' offers to help carry them, she made her way to the door, turning around to use her back to push it open.

Baby was staring at them with his mouth hanging open.

Rumi waved at him, wriggling her fingers as she did so, Mira pointing two fingers to her eyes then back at Baby. Zoey started to giggle as they squeezed past her and she wasn't even mad when each of them stole a bag from her. She waved at Baby too and then bounced after her girls.

"We should send them a gift basket," Zoey said.

"I didn't see what he had for his name tag," Rumi said. "But maybe we can have Bobby find out."

"A gift basket, for the two surviving Saja Boys." Mira eyed them both.

"Mira—"

She put up a hand, "It's not that they're demons. You're living proof that we were wrong about a lot of things. But they did try to kill us and nearly broke us up and I'm not going forget that second part especially."

"I know." Rumi bumped her shoulder against Mira, "But first part of what you just said, it's why I want to… I don't know. Offer an olive branch? If they weren't sent back with Gwi-Ma then maybe they deserve a chance to live free of both his control and the fear of being hunted."

"Okay. But on one condition."

Zoey tilted her head, "What's that?"

Mira smirked, "The gift basket includes two cans of of the most cloyingly sweet soda we can find."

Rumi laughed so hard she snorted.

Grinning, Zoey adjusted the crown on her head, "Great, that's settled. Now walk faster, I'm starving. Your Queen commands it!"

Notes:

confession: this entire fic was created for the "is it not the king of burgers?" line and the Dune joke

mira: I can excuse attempted murder but I draw the line at breaking us up

Series this work belongs to:

• Part 27 of Tracing Patterns