Smh -- Faylen's fics
Fics that I find funny / make me laugh / make me cringe but not in a bad way.
Just makes me shake my head :shrug:With this tags that go hand in hand most of the time are; Snort, Snickers, Lil Cringy
(Open, Moderated)
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Summary
There is no name for this coffee shop. In a fit of caffeine-induced anxiety and rage, Tony has decided, “Fuck this, it’s just going to be called ‘The Coffee Shop.’ What the fuck else do you need to know?”
Tony decides that SI can survive without him, but a late-night coffee shop needs to be opened. Tony also does not shut up about being a small business owner.
Bookmarked by FaylenLupus
08 May 2026
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https://archiveofourown.org/works/48704161
The Coffee Shop by lovelyirony-
“You’re supposed to take over a company.”“And?” Tony says. “I was also supposed to keep my parents but they died in a car accident.”
“Okay, bad move to use your dead parents against me, you know that.”
“I think, actually, that I just made a great move,” Tony answers. “Because now you can’t feel bad about my choice.”
“Well, I can feel bad about your decision, you’re majoring in business,” Rhodey says. “You’ve taken all of those classes when you were four.”
“Yeah, which means I can get the major done in a semester if the dean signs off on it and my parents can’t say no because they’re…you know.”
“Tony.”
“Come on, I’m not going to die.”
--
Pepper visits the shop before it opens.“Tony, what the hell.” There are no matching mugs. Or plates. Nothing is matching. The machine looks like a goddamn Dr. Frankenstein project. “What have you been doing?”
“Being a small, independent business owner?” Tony answers, bending over the sink. “Whoever put these pipes in was a total loser, by the way. How was work today?”
“Fucking awful,” Pepper says. “But also great. My PA is quitting in two weeks to go get married.”
“Ugh, just hire Rhodey.”
“You think he’d quit being in the military?”
“I mean we’ve been lectured that you never stop being army or whatever the hell he phrased it as,” Tony says. “But maybe if you bribed some government official, you might get an honorable discharge for him.”
“Done.”
And she does. That’s the odd thing. Pepper actually does get it done--well, she convinces Rhodey to be her PA.
“I am sick of top secret missions and the brass being on my ass all the time,” Rhodey says. “Now I get to pick up coffee and lunch and work for the real equivalent of Miranda Priestly.”
“Miranda Priestly was a bitch,” Tony says.
“And?” Rhodey says. “You don’t become a top CEO and well-known name in an industry without being a bitch. Just look at your dad. Massive bitch. At least Pepper respects and is nice to me.”
--
“Tony.”“Janet Van Dyne-Pym.”
“Okay, I did not last-name you,” she says, perching her sunglasses on top of her head. “I thought you said once the shop was steady you’d ask him out!”
“I definitely did say that,” Tony says, wringing his hands. “But I also told myself I’d ask him out after we roomed together freshman year. And after he dated Carol. And then when he became Pepper’s PA. I have said I’d ask him out on dates a lot, Janet.
And almost none of it has ended up happening. Also, I have no clue if he likes people romantically other than women!” Tony says. “I think he still has a thing for Carol. Who wouldn’t have a thing for Carol? Maybe I should set them up. I’ll ask Carol, she’ll definitely say yes. It’s Rhodey. They didn’t even end things that badly, she just signed up for NASA, so maybe--oh shit, maybe not--”
“Tony,” Jan says, putting a hand over his. “Calm down. Also, Carol’s bi. Which Rhodey could also be, if you asked him. And she’s married. I think her wife has a kid.”
“Wait, we didn’t go?”
“Well, like you said, she signed up for NASA when they broke up.”
“Shit. I could’ve given them a great wedding gift.”
--
So he asks her over a video chat as he’s closing the shop. Pepper looks at him flatly. “Tony. I run the company named after you. Of course I know.”“Okay, well the company wasn’t named after me, my dad didn’t even like me enough to remember my birthday.”
“God, I’m so glad he’s dead. Have you been going to therapy for that?”
“It is tough being a small business owner," he deflects. "Trying to get decaf beans has been worse than whatever trauma I have."
“You can’t keep using that as an excuse, Tones,” Pepper says, exasperated. She looks at him fondly through the camera lens.
“Watch me,” he says, sticking his tongue out. She doesn’t catch it as she yawns, turning her head.
--
“You’re the best,” Tony says with a grin. “Come on, Bruce’ll have your drink ready in a bit. Did you know he has a PhD in physics and in some kind of math? Oh, he also studied gamma radiation for a bit for the government and it didn’t go well. Technically, I think he has a warrant out for his arrest, but I’m a small business owner so I take what employees I can get.”“Wait, Dr. Banner?” Rhodey asks, eyes bugging out of his skull. “The Dr. Banner who has seven PhD’s?! And General Ross hates?”
“I don’t know who the hell Ross is, but yeah. I think he has seven. I told him to go for eight, but he says I don’t pay him enough for that. As if I can afford more, I am a small business owner.”
- -
Eye of Newt and a Ten Dollar Mop by lovelyirony
Fandoms: Marvel Cinematic Universe, Iron Man (Movies)
01 Oct 2020
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Summary
In which Tony finds out he's magic, finds out that mops are not proper substitutes for broomsticks, and Rhodey is remarkably nonplussed by magic.
(Also: Rhodey told everyone that Tony moved to Italy for a highly extensive D&D campaign. Asshole.)
Bookmarked by FaylenLupus
08 May 2026
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https://archiveofourown.org/works/26760157
Eye of Newt and a Ten Dollar Mop by lovelyirony—
-Tony can’t fucking fly on a fucking mop.
-One broken arm later and a phone call to his mother later, Maria Carbonell is sitting on her son’s dormitory mattress and wondering just why the hell he lied to her about how he broke his arm.
Here was her son’s lie:
“Um. I broke my arm because dinner sucked.”
A.) There was no follow up.
B.) Her son is as bad at lying as she is.
Unfortunately, she did not announce her arrival, and so she gets Tony’s roommate opening the door and screaming that the liquor is in the second cabinet from the left.
Maria raises one eyebrow.
“Did Tony at least pick out good wine?”
“Uh...you’re Tony’s mom?”
“Yes.”
“I didn’t think you were coming to visit until move-out.”
“I...we had an interesting conversation. You wouldn’t happen to know why Tony actually broke his arm, would you?”
“Um...no.”
(Rhodey is also a bad liar.)
-
Tony gets home about ten minutes later and promptly says:
“Oh fuck.”
“Is that any way to greet your mother?” Mom asks, already sipping delicately on her glass of water.
“Um...move-out isn’t for another month.”
“I know. But you lied to your dear mother.”
“How did you know?”
“You can never hide anything from your mom, and your excuse needed work, honey,” Maria answers. “So. How did you break your arm?”
Tony sighs.
“Promise me you won’t laugh. And don’t tell Jarvis.”
“What did you....what?”
-
The mop.
Maria doesn’t laugh at first, at least until she sees the pictures that Rhodey took and chuckles.
“You promised me you wouldn’t laugh!”
“What were you doing? And why?” she asks, laughing. Tony rubs the back of his neck nervously.
“Um, well...funny story...”
-
Maria should have known that her son would have her...abilities. But she had hoped that if he had never known the family, had never known what she could do, that maybe...maybe they wouldn’t come.
“So what you’re telling me,” Tony says, nostrils flaring, “is that there’s magic?”
“Yes,” Maria says. “And what we deal with specifically is good magic.”
“Oh, so I could’ve put Glinda the Good Witch on my family tree project,” Tony says sarcastically.
Maria scowls.
“Don’t sass me, Tony. I did it for your own good.”
“I set a car on fire!”
“Well, what kind of car was it?!”
“A Mustang!”
“Then that makes sense!” Maria says. “Your father drove one, and we all know how that turned out!”
Tony blinks for a moment.
And then laughs.
Maria starts laughing too, until they’re both giggling in the apartment, and Tony tells her about the grocery store incident.
——
“I was already wreaking havoc when I was eight,” Tony whines. “But, this also raises the question of when are we doing a family reunion?”She stops, looking at him.
“They weren’t exactly pleased when I married a millionaire.”
“Not even when he became a billionaire and you got half his fortune?” Tony teases.
“Not even then,” she answers. “I have a...complicated relationship with magic.”
“As in, you don’t use it.”
“Correct,” she answers. “You don’t need magic in your life, and quite often, it gets you in more trouble than you anticipate.”
“Are you going to give me a ‘magic has consequences’ speech?”
Maria laughs.
“No. Magic, as far as I know, doesn’t really have consequences. The actions you do have consequences. You could blast up an entire country and as long as you don’t get caught, no consequences other than what you do to yourself.”
“Like having guilt?”
“Like having guilt. But enough about that, it’ll make you feel weird for a week if you keep thinking about it. I want you to light candles from two feet away.”
“Of course I can do that,” Tony scoffs.
“Sure you can.”
-
Tony also sets the curtains on fire!
-
Maria realizes that her son is perhaps just a tad (okay, a lot) more powerful than she was (and is).
So, she regrettably calls her mother.
——
Tony groans.“Sure, Nonna. I will come.”
“BRING FRIENDS. HAVE GIFTS FROM POPE FOR YOU.”
“You...when did you have time to get gifts...the pope?”
“HAVE FRIENDS. COME!”
— -
This Might as Well Happen by lovelyirony
Fandoms: Iron Man (Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types, Marvel Cinematic Universe
22 Feb 2020
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Summary
Tony finds out that Hydra has been back, SHIELD isn't pristine, and Rhodey and Pepper are willing to help him try to take down it all. With two friends, what could go wrong? Well...you'd be surprised.
Series
- Part 1 of Take It Down
Bookmarked by FaylenLupus
08 May 2026
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https://archiveofourown.org/works/22850476
This Might as Well Happen by lovelyirony -
Dr. Dr. Dr. Dr. Dr. Dr. Dr. Dr. Tony Stark by antwriterr
Fandoms: Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe
04 Aug 2025
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Summary
"How many degrees do you have again? That's right—three. I have seven. Clearly im more qualified here."
So, all Tony has to do is get five more degrees.
Bookmarked by FaylenLupus
11 Apr 2026
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https://archiveofourown.org/works/68624231
Dr. Dr. Dr. Dr. Dr. Dr. Dr. Dr. Tony Stark by antwriterr-
"I'm just saying," he groaned, pointing at the screen, "what the fuck is this thing? Why are there so many bones? We dont really need all two-hundred-whatever."Helen didn’t even look up from her notes. “We actually do. Most of them serve a purpose.”
“Do they, though?” Tony snapped. “Because this one—” he jabbed the screen like he was about to duel it—“this little guy right here? Navicular? That sounds like a boat, Doc. That’s a boat word. I’m not convinced it’s even real.”
“Tony.”
“No, seriously. This could be a prank. You could be in on the prank.”
She finally looked at him, calm and clinically patient, the way you’d address a toddler having an existential crisis over buttons. “That’s a tarsal bone in your foot. You have two.”
“Not for long,” he muttered. “I’m gonna remove them out of spite.”
Helen blinked. “You’re threatening your own bones now?”
“I am under a lot of stress.”
There was a beat of silence.
--
"They're not unnecessary—""They're completely unnecessary to know."
She couldn't help it—she laughed. A sharp, surprised sound she quickly tried to smother with her hand.
Tony gave her a betrayed look. "Dr. Cho, this is supposed to be a safe space."
“It was until you started threatening bones.”
He groaned again, tipping his head back to stare at the ceiling. “I hate this. This is the worst idea I’ve ever had.”
"You broke your shoulder blade a couple weeks ago because you tried to climb a cell tower."
"That was necessary. This is worse."
Helen closed her chart and leaned against the counter, arms crossed. "Do I get to ask why you're voluntarily torturing yourself with med school? Or is that classified?"
Tony just covered his face with the tablet.
"Let me guess.." She hummed, tapping her chin as she pretended to think. "Bruce?"
He made a strangled noise.
“I knew it.”
Tony peeked out from behind the tablet, expression tired and mildly feral. “He has seven degrees, Helen. Seven.”
“And you…?”
“I’m working on eight.”
Helen blinked. “How many are you doing at once?”
“...Five.”
She whistled low. “That’s not petty. That’s pathological.”
“Thank you.”
"That wasn't a compliment."
Tony sat up, looking grimly determined. "I just have to make it through this. One diagram at a time. One horrifying, bone-infested diagram. At a time."
"And maybe consider seeing a therapist in between classes."
"I dont have time for mental health, Helen. I'm too busy being petty."
--
“This is the worst,” he whined. “Why are there so many tiny muscles? Why do they all have Latin names? I don’t speak dead languages, Mr. Stark, I’m just trying to pass high school.”Across from him, Tony looked up from his own open textbook—worn, coffee-stained, and covered in clear post-its, half of which had nothing to do with the course—and pointed a pencil at him with the intensity of a man who had finally found a kindred spirit.
“I fucking get you, kid.”
Peter blinked. “Wait. Seriously?”
Tony shoved his tablet across the table. “Look at this. LOOK AT THIS. Quiz 5: Muscles of the Posterior Compartment of the Thigh. Why are there this many compartments in one limb? Why are the diagrams all done in terrifying mannequin beige? I’m not learning anatomy, I’m being psychologically attacked.”
Peter squinted at the screen. "You're.. in med school?"
Tony shrugged. "If anyone asks, no. Its a secret." He holds his pointer finger up to his lips.
Peter raised an eyebrow, glancing to the "credentials wall" behind him. Tony's three degrees, and Bruce's seven stare back at him. “Is this because of Dr. Banner?”
Tony didn’t answer. But his eye twitched.
Peter nodded. “Yeah, okay. That tracks.”
They both groaned in unison, flipping pages like defeated soldiers.
A few minutes passed in semi-productive silence. Peter writing notes and Tony.. well, Tony just kind of stared at the same two pages the whole time.
"Hey, kid," Tony said casually. Too casually.
Peter glanced up. “What?”
Tony reached into his pocket, pulled out a hundred-dollar bill, and slid it across the table like they were in some backroom poker den.
“Wanna do my write-up for me?”
Peter blinked. “Mr. Stark, one, I’m pretty sure that’s illegal—”
“Not if you don’t get caught.”
"—And two, you think I know more about medicine then you? I just found out yesterday that the liver is in the right side."
Tony scowled, yanking the dollar back. "I'm un-adopting you."
Peter patted his arm. “There, there.”
- -
Temptation by Trickstress
Fandoms: Marvel Cinematic Universe, Doctor Strange (Movies), Iron Man (Movies), Spider-Man (Tom Holland Movies)
05 Sep 2025
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Summary
They had finally beaten it, it was all over. The day was saved thanks to the group. Until it wasn’t.
Day 4 of Strangetember
Prompt: Fireball
Series
- Part 4 of Strangetember 2025
Bookmarked by FaylenLupus
04 Apr 2026
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https://archiveofourown.org/works/70360166
Temptation by Trickstress