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I'm Not Okay With This (But I Choose It) by FanficSurfer
Fandoms: Star Trek: Lower Decks (Cartoon)
16 Nov 2023
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Mariner chooses to keep the Genesis Device out of Nick Locarno's hands in the most straightforward way possible. It's the right course of action, and she knows it. She just needs a little time to come to terms with it.
This is an expansion of the Ferengi Genesis Device activation from "Old Friends, New Planets," basically what if the show had time to explore Mariner's near-sacrifice in more detail. Mariner makes the call, then talks herself through being okay with it.
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“So, tell me if I’m wrong about any of this. In the Boiling Isles, it doesn’t matter if you’re a girl loving a girl, a boy loving a boy, someone who isn’t either loving anyone, anything including and besides a guy and a girl, right?”
Luz talks with Amity about how the Boiling Isles sees loving who you love and her own sexuality. And there may be a certain confession nestled in there somewhere!
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"Over a year ago, I set out to square folklore and memory-diving observations with historical fact ... I was looking for Caleb in in documents from around 400 years ago. To be blunt, I found next to nothing, which I explore below. This document intends to summarize this sparse finding and meditate on what it means."
Lilith Clawthorn, Bonesborough Library Head Historian, examines the scant historical evidence on the existence of Caleb and Evelyn and ponders on possibilities and the absence of evidence. Speculations and personal musings provided at no extra charge.
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Amity Blight has said and done things she's not proud of to say the least, especially to Willow and Luz. But how do you go on day to day with that?
(Amity meditates on her feelings as she's being a better person with her former self not far in the rear-view mirror.) -
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Late at night, it hits Luz that not only did she (almost?) die at Belos' hand, but she has a genuine death waiting somewhere on the horizon. She and Amity talk through the anxiety that ensues.
Recent bookmarks
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My submissions for Jam Week!
Bookmarked by FanficSurfer
28 Jun 2020
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In which Steven has always been genderfluid, and Connie realizes that fantasizing about intensely making out with your partner when they're in girl-mode is actually not just gals being pals.
"Stars, it would have been funny if they had kissed. Connie thought about it for the next week as she tried to focus on school. She wouldn't mind at all if Steven kissed her as a girl. Steven was Steven after all. It'd be cute and silly if she did. She should tell Steven that - that if they kissed while in girl-mode it would be really cute and fun."
Bookmarked by FanficSurfer
28 Jun 2020
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Pearl watches. Garnet tells stories. Amethyst gives a speech. Lapis relates. Connie confesses. Surely someday Steven will speak?
Otherwise, what's the point in anything?
[Worm theory. Angst. Happy ending.]
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 12,758
- Chapters:
- 7/7
- Comments:
- 470
- Kudos:
- 2,051
- Bookmarks:
- 365
- Hits:
- 22,693
Bookmarked by FanficSurfer
27 Jun 2020
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Summary
Steven is killed by Spinel, but his gem survives him.
Years later, corrupted from grief, Pink warps to another universe where an alternate Steven never died. Pink hopes that in seeing this other Steven, he'll get the closure he needs to possibly move on and learn how to live without his better half.
Pink isn't prepared for the strange connection he feels with this other version of Steven. This Steven who happily gives him more love than he knows what to do with.
--Rating subject to change.
Series
- Part 1 of Call Me Yours & Hold Me Closer
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 63,476
- Chapters:
- 6/?
- Comments:
- 267
- Kudos:
- 1,246
- Bookmarks:
- 162
- Hits:
- 26,818
Bookmarked by FanficSurfer
17 Jun 2020
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CHART NOTE, UNIVERSE, S.: Patient is a teenage boy seeking treatment for “anger issues.” Expresses severe self-criticism. Displays symptoms of depression, GAD, & PTSD.
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After the events of Prickly Pair, Steven winds up in therapy.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 26,742
- Chapters:
- 8/8
- Collections:
- 1
- Comments:
- 759
- Kudos:
- 2,941
- Bookmarks:
- 618
- Hits:
- 31,652
Bookmarked by FanficSurfer
07 Jun 2020

