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After a cataclysmic storm wiped out the shores of Klatch and now heads for Ankh-Morpork, the Patrician must find a way to protect his city. A strange wizard, brought in by Ridcully, is interested to help, but he soon reveals himself to be the sort of person neither Vetinari, nor Vimes want around.
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“I am at loss regarding what ‘everything’ you are referencing.”
Downey pulls a frown and spits in his face, and Havelock forces himself not to squirm away.
“I didn’t expect more of you,” he says after a while.
Downey tries to talk Vetinari out of killing Snapcase and fails.
For the dialogue prompt “Don’t make me the villain because you’re afraid of wanting me.” submitted by lord-margolotta
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“You’re slurring your words,” Vimes said, then looked him up and down. “You’re bloody drunk, aren’t you?”
Vetinari opened his mouth to argue but saw Sam’s expression. “Is it really that obvious…? To other people, I mean.”
Vimes shrugged. “I don’t know, but I’ve known you for five bloody years, sir.”
Vetinari is poisoned at a party in Genua and things get messy much quicker than expected. For rabb-te's prompt “I’m not going anywhere. That’s the part you keep forgetting.”
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“That’s bloody stupid,” Vimes said and grabbed on the chain between the patrician’s wrists with his other hand. He was still in his pants and they were growing painfully tight.
“It’s a thing called reverse psychology,” Vetinari argued because he had to, “and it works wonderfully well if you don’t push the person too far.”
“Oh, and I suppose you just know where everyone’s ‘too far’ is then?”
Vimes is promised a favor as apology for a kiss, but gods be damned if he knows what to do with that or with himself at all. Vetinari isn’t of much help.
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Vimes woke up in the middle of the night, as he felt something stir in the blankets behind him. His first thought had been Sybil, but then remembered they were divorced. His second thought had been to reach for the crossbow on the nightstand, but then remembered that was also not the case. He turned around with a muffled grunt and propped himself up on one elbow.
“Can’t sleep, sir?” Vimes asked and peered, eyes half closed and heavy with sleep, at the figure beside him.
Vetinari is injured in a recent assassination attempt, and Vimes insists he must help with that.
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Downey visits Vetinari on his first night in the palace; unfortunately he wants something more than the city's patrician can provide.
Set in the same universe as Extenuating Circumstances; easily read as a standalone, but if you wanted more of the backstory it's in there.
Also handily answers the question of how Vetinari ended up in the smallest bedroom in his own palace...
For the dialogue promt: "I've tried to move on—God knows I've tried—but I can't get you out of my head!" for Downey/Vetinari, requested by veni-vici-vetinari on Tumblr.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 2,387
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Collections:
- 2
- Comments:
- 10
- Kudos:
- 23
- Bookmarks:
- 1
- Hits:
- 116
Bookmarked by Narvine
06 Apr 2026
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“Are you drunk?” Vimes hissed.
“I’m still functional…”
“Oh, so definitely drunk then.”
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Or, Vetinari gets drunk on Scumble. (Including a bonus, smutty chapter!)
Bookmarked by Narvine
27 Mar 2026
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The third time Havelock is splayed prone beneath him, Downey puts his forearm on the back of his neck and presses his face against the cool wood of the gymnasium floor. Havelock feels the point of a knife prick the skin just below his ribs – exposed where his shirt has become untucked and ridden up – and as he freezes in response, Downey leans down to whisper something obscene in his ear.
Downey and Vetinari take what they need from each other; neither of them is particularly happy about it, however.
Set in the Night Watch era, in the lead up to the revolution. The ending is a bit softer than I'd originally planned, but fair warning that they don't end up together; we're going for messy and complicated. I'd say they hate each other less by the end, though.
The sex is pretty non-explicit, hence the M rating.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 9,158
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Collections:
- 1
- Comments:
- 21
- Kudos:
- 35
- Bookmarks:
- 5
- Hits:
- 179
Bookmarked by Narvine
14 Mar 2026
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After nearly a month in captivity, a drugged, battered, and disoriented Vetinari is rescued by a man he only vaguely recognises.
Can be read as platonic or pre-relationship.
For the prompt 'Don't touch me' requested by Narvine 😊
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 1,249
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Collections:
- 2
- Comments:
- 24
- Kudos:
- 77
- Bookmarks:
- 4
- Hits:
- 352
Bookmarked by Narvine
25 Feb 2026
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Summary
A delegation from the Kingdom of Gebra has arrived in Ankh-Morpork and Downey is under instruction to see that they have a Good Time and, more importantly, that everyone behaves themselves.
At the Selachii annual masque, things go a little wahoonie shaped with attempted murder, half-thought through seductions for reasons of State Politics, and one Master Assassin who does not, at all, have a Thing for a certain Patrician of Ankh-Morpork.
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Response to the fic ask meme request: " "I'm here. I've got you. You're safe now." with Downey saying it to Vetinari please 👀?"
Bookmarked by Narvine
25 Feb 2026

