flatwoods
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Recent works
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“Melanie did say she and Georgie wanted to visit soon the last time you called, right? Maybe she'll get so pissed off by the roads up here that she'll go back to the Slaughter."
“Maybe their car will die on the way up and they won’t be able to call for help and they’ll get lost in the Scottish wilderness.”
"Maybe they'll forget I'm allergic to cats and bring the Admiral up and I'll break into hives and die."
“Maybe Georgie will bring pictures from when I didn’t wash my hair for three weeks in college and you’ll break up with me.”
Martin laughs at that. “Maybe I will,” he says, and Jon smacks him lightly on the arm. “Hey!”
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“Oh, right, see—the, the problem with trying to make someone jealous like that is it just shows how much you still care about the other person, right? Like, I really do not give a shit if Peter hooks up with someone else. I honestly wish he would.” The man downs the rest of his whiskey. “It would make my life a hell of a lot easier,” he mutters into the glass.
“I—I get that,” Jon says somewhat stiltedly. He’s still confused as to what exactly this guy wants, and who he is, and why they’re still talking.
“What I’m saying is that I don’t care if Peter flirts with someone all night, but he’s proving to me right now that he would definitely care if I did. And I’m guessing it’s the same for your ex?”
“Oh,” Jon says as he suddenly gets it. "Oh."
“So….” The other man taps his fingernails against his now-empty glass. Jon realizes he looks rather nervous. “Uh, I’m Martin, by the way.”
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i can hardly stand the sight of it all by flatwoods
Fandoms: The Magnus Archives (Podcast)
09 May 2020
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Gerard Keay was in the middle of getting the eye tattoos on his left knuckles touched up when he remembered he was dying.
Just as the tattoo artist closed a nigh-imperceptible gap in the iris of his ring finger—the last of the little faded blemishes that had accumulated in the years since he’d first got them—the knowledge that he had a brain tumor popped into his head as casually as if he were remembering a crush he’d had in middle school. It felt familiar, sort of nauseating, and in an upsetting way, weirdly funny.
“Oh, fuck,” said Gerry, mostly because he didn’t know what else he could say.
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you see two red lights and nine yellow lights in the forest it is mothman and his menorah by flatwoods
Fandoms: The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
06 Dec 2018
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a light hanukkah fic for these dark winter months
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“Hey, Taako? One more question?”
Taako groaned. “About to sleep here, Mags, but fine. Shoot.”
“Does Merle know you’re dating the guy who cut off his arm?”
Taako’s eyes snapped open in alarm. Shit. “I mean… technically you cut off his arm, homie.”
“Yeah, and you cheered me on while it happened—fine. Lemme fix my question. Does Merle know you’re dating the guy that tried to kill him and instead caused the loss of his arm in the process?”
“…No. No he doesn’t."
Recent bookmarks
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covalent by chinxe
Fandoms: 光が死んだ夏 | Hikaru ga Shinda Natsu | The Summer Hikaru Died (Manga), 光が死んだ夏 | Hikaru ga Shinda Natsu | The Summer Hikaru Died (Anime)
11 Sep 2025
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Lately, Yoshiki's been attracting a lot of attention—both from humans and from sinister supernatural entities.
Sinister supernatural entities that aren't [Hikaru].
- Language:
- English
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- 16,585
- Chapters:
- 3/3
- Comments:
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- 1,276
- Bookmarks:
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Bookmarked by flatwoods
27 Jan 2026
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It’s near closing time when that one boy, the whore, is back again.
He’s wearing the same shirt and coat as he has every other time he’s visited the store. He still has that terrible bedhead as well. Unconsciously, Tajima clicks her tongue at the sight. Does he ever even change his clothes? She feels the urge to nag at him to take better care of himself.
But he’s not her child to nag at, so she simply grunts at him in acknowledgment. The door’s bell jingles with his entrance.
***
Or: Someone finally stands up for Towa.
Bookmarked by flatwoods
05 Jan 2026
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"I leave you unattended for a few hours, and when I come back, you're doing drugs," Ash says, touching a hand to his forehead as Eiji cackles next to him. "Unbelievable."
Bookmarked by flatwoods
16 Dec 2025
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In which Mrs. Coleman means well, Alex sees God, Sing loses, and the age-old question “What’s with Ash and Eiji?” is answered.
"It’s like watching a goddamn soap opera."
Bookmarked by flatwoods
16 Dec 2025
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Ash and Eiji welcome an addition to their little family one night.
“Look, I think you and I need to have a conversation.” Ash tells him in a serious tone, petting his ears with both hands. Buddy almost looks like he’s going to burst from enjoyment. “Are you trying to steal my husband from me? Because, I get it, Eiji’s the most lovable person on Earth. But I feel like you’re forgetting that he’s my husband.”
Buddy lies down on the floor for a belly rub.
Ash sighs, giving him what he wants. “Buddy, please. I’d appreciate if you could take this conversation more seriously. You’re being disrespectful now.”
Series
- Part 2 of we are the people that rule the world
Bookmarked by flatwoods
16 Dec 2025