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Surprisingly, it's not that hard to fold Izzy into their sexual relationship. Ed and Izzy have been having sex for years, and Stede discovers that he actually rather enjoys some harshness in bed sometimes, as long as he knows the other person is enjoying it too. He'd like to show Izzy some tenderness too, but Izzy reacts to any softness like it's an even worse pain, and one he doesn't enjoy half as much. Stede focuses his tenderness on Ed instead. With Izzy, he pins him down, holds his wrists above his head with a grip so tight they bruise, demands that he keep quiet even as Izzy desperately swallows his gasps. He's not half so harsh as Ed, but Izzy still seems to like it well enough. It's good, and it's surprisingly easy.
The difficulty comes when, one night, Stede says, "Izzy, there's really no point in going back to your room now, is there? Why don't you just stay here with us?"
From the look on Izzy's face, you'd think Stede asked him to drink poison. Honestly, Izzy probably would have minded that less. He doesn't even bother replying, just turns on his heel and flees the room. Stede watches him go, his face falling.
"Iz is just like that," Ed says, rubbing Stede's shoulders. "It's not personal. He'd react the same way if I asked him to stay the night. Has reacted the same way, actually."
"Wouldn't he like some tenderness sometimes?" Stede asks helplessly. "I mean, surely he can't always want to be alone or..." He gestures vaguely, hoping Ed knows what it encompasses.
"He always has, as long as I've known him," Ed says. "Dunno if he's ever had tenderness before."
The words solidify a resolution in Stede's chest. Ed sighs. "I just gave you an idea, didn't I?"
"Izzy deserves to have tenderness," Stede says. "He should experience it at least once before he decides he hates it. If he truly doesn't like it, I'll never bring it up again, but he ought to try it."
"So you're going to give him tenderness?"
Stede nods. "I am."
Ed looks at him for a moment, then shrugs. "Better you than me."
Stede ignores him. Ed might not think it's going to work, but Stede isn't going to give up so easily. He wouldn't be the Gentleman Pirate if he gave up easily. He'll make sure Izzy experiences tenderness at least once if it's the last thing he ever does.
(And, given that it's Izzy, there's a non-zero chance that it might be.)
Izzy still barely tolerates Stede outside of the captains' cabin. On deck, he's snarling, mouthy, always just barely far enough to this side of outright aggression to keep Ed from calling him out for it. Stede doesn't mind anymore, to be honest. Izzy is prickly, but Stede has started to find it charming. And he knows that Izzy is, at least with him, all bark and no bite. He'll spit things about Stede's incompetence and mutter things that are probably threats, but he won't actually do anything. He knows Ed won't tolerate it, and Stede likes to think that, deep down, Izzy is a bit fond of him, just like Stede is a bit fond of Izzy. To be honest, Stede thinks he's more than just a bit fond of Izzy by now, but he's not sure how much he can expect out of Izzy. Ed's told him that Izzy doesn't take well to new people, and Stede supposes he still counts as new.
Regardless, the point is that Izzy is still sharp and guarded on deck, so Stede doesn't think that's the right place to try out tenderness. Izzy has already proven that he won't take it kindly after sex, so Stede supposes he should bring it up before sex next time. He does know that might end with Izzy fleeing the room before they even get to the sex part, but he thinks it's a worthwhile risk.
Ed, when Stede tells him, just shrugs. "I'll do my best to make sure he doesn't stab you."
Stede would like to think that's exaggeration, but he knows it's not.
Ed slips away after lunch to invite Izzy to join them that night. He's always the one to offer the invitation; the one time Stede tried, he thought Izzy's head might explode with how outraged he looked. Stede thinks Izzy is also more worried about the crew overhearing something about the two of them than he is about them overhearing something about him and Ed. Stede doesn't fully understand what Izzy is so nervous about, but he understands that this does bother him, so he and Ed try to be considerate. In this context, that means Ed does most of the interacting with Izzy while the others are around.
And then, of course, because Stede can get frightfully nervous about these things, he spends the entire afternoon fretting about how to get things right.
He requisitions some food from Roach, but makes sure it's nothing too fine; he knows Izzy doesn't like eating things he considers fancy. Hopefully, bread with marmalade won't be too fancy for him. Then, there's a question of which plate to give him. Stede wants to give him something nice, since giving Izzy nice things is the whole point of the little exercise, but he also knows there's a fairly good chance the plate will end up smashed by the end of the night. Eventually, he goes with a smaller plate that's actually a saucer to match a teacup that's already broken. It's a bit out of place in all of Stede's things, to be honest; there's not much call for a saucer with no teacup. If it breaks, it won't ruin a set.
Stede decides not to tell Izzy all of this. Izzy can be… touchy about things, sometimes, and Stede wouldn't want him to read any more into the whole saucer debacle than necessary.
When Izzy enters the room after dinner, Stede already has things set up; brandy and wine, plainer glasses instead of the fancier stemware that Izzy always scoffs at, bread and marmalade, and plates set up at three seats around the table. "Ah, Izzy!" he calls when the man steps into the room. "Perfect timing. Ed and I were going to have a quick snack."
Izzy watches them with wary eyes. "We just had dinner."
"Yes, but I rather wanted something sweet," Stede replies. "So we're having some bread with marmalade. Have you tried the marmalade yet?"
"It's really good, Iz," Ed adds, already slathering marmalade onto a thick slice of bread.
Izzy looks at Ed, then at Stede, and then back at Ed. Stede almost thinks he's going to leave, but he doesn't; he huffs, but he sits down at the spot Stede set for him, next to Ed and across from Stede himself.
"Wonderful," Stede says, slicing a piece of bread and setting it on Izzy's plate. "Take as much of the marmalade as you'd like. Would you like some brandy or wine as well? Or I could make tea?"
"Brandy's fine," Izzy says, looking at the jar of marmalade that Ed slid over to him like it's going to bite. He rips off a bit of the bread, then adds a dollop of marmalade to it. The face he makes before popping it into his mouth is, in Stede's opinion, very overdramatic, but that is Izzy's wont, after all.
"What do you think?" Stede asks as he pours a glass of brandy and sets it down in front of Izzy.
Izzy's mouth twists slightly, but Stede doesn't think the expression on his face is disgust. "It's sweet," he says, almost sounding surprised by the fact.
"Apparently, there's even sweeter jams that Stede's going to find next time we're in port," Ed says. "And he says rich people eat this for breakfast."
Izzy's nose wrinkles. He rips off another small chunk of bread and adds some marmalade, a bit less this time. Stede tries his hardest to pretend that he's not watching avidly.
"'S good, isn't it?" Ed asks around a mouthful of bread and marmalade of his own.
"Not too bad," Izzy allows, which is probably the best compliment they're going to get out of him. Stede tries his best not to preen at it.
"You may have as much as you'd like, of course."
Izzy scowls at Stede and pushes the jar of marmalade away from him.
"Come on, Iz, don't be like that," Ed says quietly.
"Did you want me here for a reason?" Izzy demands. "Or are you two just going to eat marmalade all night?"
Stede looks over at Ed, who pops the last of his bread into his mouth. "Could be up for something else, if you've got any suggestions."
Izzy bares his teeth at him. "Don't play the idiot. That's Bonnet's job."
Stede rolls his eyes, but Ed narrows his. "You're in Stede's room, on his ship," he tells Izzy. "Might want to show him some respect."
Izzy lifts his chin slightly. "Make me."
Ed goes for Izzy's throat, and Stede sighs and begins cleaning up the table. There'll be no more niceties tonight, which was probably Izzy's goal all along. But the joke is on him, because Stede is stubborn, and now he's determined. Marmalade didn't do the trick, but eventually, something else will. And until that day comes, Stede will just keep trying.
A few days and a failed attempt at reading together later, Stede goes to Izzy when he's belowdecks and completely alone. "Izzy," he says, "I have something for you in my quarters."
Izzy scowls at him. "What makes you think I want anything from you?"
"Well, that's not what you said last night," Stede retorts.
Izzy's scowl deepens.
"I am your captain, and this is an order," Stede adds. "Meet me in my quarters once you're done here."
For an instant, Stede thinks he's going to be stabbed, but instead Izzy just huffs and sneers, "Yes, sir."
Well, that went about as well as could be expected.
Stede heads back to his quarters, where Ed is waiting. "How'd it go?" he asks from where's he lounging on the couch.
"I told him it was an order, and he agreed to come," Stede replies.
"And did you tell him what it was?"
"Of course not! That would ruin the surprise!"
"Izzy's not a fan of surprises," Ed cautions.
"Well, I think he'll be a fan of this one."
Ed sighs in a way that definitely means your funeral.
It takes nearly half an hour, but Izzy does eventually show up. "What do you want, Bonnet?" he demands, and then he stops short in the doorway.
"Ta da!" Stede crows. "I thought you might like a hot bath."
Izzy looks at the metal bathtub Stede's hauled into his quarters, then looks up at Stede. "How the fuck is it still hot?"
"I've been warming water up in the fireplace," Stede says, gesturing at a pot hanging above the flames. "So it should still be nice and warm."
"Do you have any idea-" Izzy begins, but Ed stands and Izzy goes quiet.
"Stede did it himself," Ed says. "I helped him out a bit, but he's done most of the work. The crew is still taking care of the ship. We hauled up seawater for this, so it's not wasting fresh water. We had the fire going anyway."
Izzy's mouth twists a little.
"I thought it might be nice," Stede says. "And practical. Washing regularly is good for your skin, you know."
"Iz," Ed says, his voice gentler, "you can't tell me it wouldn't be nice to have a warm bath."
For a moment, the look on Izzy's face makes Stede think he's going to reject it purely out of spite. If Stede had said it, he's sure Izzy would have. But it was Ed, so Izzy doesn't take it as a challenge; instead, Izzy relents.
"Fine."
"Lovely!" Stede says brightly. "Would you prefer plain soap or lavender?"
The filthy look Izzy shoots him tells Stede exactly how stupid that question was. Stede nods and fetches the plain soap as Izzy begins slowly to strip, unbuttoning his waistcoat and his untying his cravat. The way he dresses is closer to Stede and his upper-class clothing than anyone else is, Stede has noticed, but he knows better than to say anything about it.
When Izzy is finally fully nude, he steps into the bathtub and sinks down into the water. He's clearly trying very hard to continue being grumpy about it, but Stede can see the way his muscles relax in the hot water. No one can resist the calming sensation of a warm bath, Stede thinks with some satisfaction.
"Would you like me to wash your hair?" Stede asks as he hands Izzy the soap.
Izzy glares at him. "I want you to fuck off."
"We are in my quarters," Stede says mildly.
Izzy's glare intensifies. Stede decides to pick his battles.
"Very well, I'll leave you to wash yourself. Do tell me if you need help."
Stede is pretty sure Izzy would rather drown himself.
Ed shifts to the side slightly to let Stede tuck himself onto the couch next to him. "This is probably already a lot for Izzy," he whispers into Stede's ear. "Better not to push it."
Stede wants to know what makes Izzy so vehemently against any sort of kindness, but he doesn't want to discuss the matter with Ed while Izzy is in the room. It seems rather gauche, even if they're speaking quietly enough that Izzy can't hear them.
"Shall we continue the book we were reading?" Stede asks Ed instead. He purposefully pitches his voice just loud enough that Izzy can hear him, but not loud enough that Izzy would think he's talking to him. Izzy doesn't like being read to, Stede's already discovered that. But Ed does like being read to, and Stede is perfectly happy to do it. And if Izzy happens to also be in the room, well, Stede doesn't mind if he listens too.
"The one with the poems?" Ed asks.
"Of course," Stede agrees, picking up his collection of Shakespeare's sonnets. "Where were we?"
"It was the one where he said love was a baby," Ed prompts.
"Ah, yes. 'Love is a babe; then might I not say so, / To give full growth to that which still doth grow?'" Stede finds the poem, then flips to the next page. "Oh, this next one is a rather famous one. Sonnet 116."
"How many sonnets did this bloke write?" Ed asks.
"One hundred and fifty-four."
Ed raises an eyebrow. "Must have really liked sonnets."
"Indeed," Stede agrees. "Now." He clear his throat. "Sonnet 116."
Let me not to the marriage of true minds
Admit impediments. Love is not love
Which alters when it alteration finds,
Or bends with the remover to remove.O no! it is an ever-fixed mark
That looks on tempests and is never shaken;
It is the star to every wand'ring bark,
Whose worth's unknown, although his height be taken.Love's not Time's fool, though rosy lips and cheeks
Within his bending sickle's compass come;
Love alters not with his brief hours and weeks,
But bears it out even to the edge of doom.If this be error and upon me prov'd,
I never writ, nor no man ever lov'd.
"Oh, I like that one," Ed says. "This guy knows how to make words sound nice. They're all... flow-y."
"That would be the iambic pentameter," Stede explains. "Each line has ten syllables, and those ten syllables are made up of five iambs. That means the first syllable is unstressed and the second is stressed." He picks up the book and reads the first line again, this time exaggerating the stresses. "Let me not to the marriage of true minds-"
"It sounds kinda like a heartbeat," Ed remarks.
"It does, rather," Stede agrees.
"Can you read it again?" Ed asks.
"Of course." Stede repeats the sonnet, reading it a bit more slowly this time. He doesn't look over at Izzy, but only because he won't allow himself to. Honestly, he's surprised Izzy hasn't made some sort of snide comment by now.
"Is this what you two do all day?" Izzy asks, as if on cue. "Sit around reading love poems? No wonder the ship is a disaster."
"We don't do this all day, but it is nice to relax and enjoy some poetry sometimes," Stede says, refusing to be baited. "Are you done in the bath?"
He dares a look over. Izzy is scowling at him, low enough in the water that only his head is visible. Stede valiantly tries his best not to smile.
"If the water has grown cold, I can add some more warm water from the fire."
Izzy holds up his hand to flip Stede off, and that's when Stede notices he's still wearing his glove. He's never seen Izzy's bare hand, and he's never asked about it. He's not entirely an idiot. If Izzy wanted to talk about his hand, he'd bring it up. Or, no, he probably wouldn't actually say anything about it, but he'd take his glove off and only huff at Stede if he mentioned it. That's how Izzy indicates he's willing to speak about things. He hasn't done it about his hand, so Stede hasn't asked.
He would still like to know, though.
"What do you think of the poem, Iz?" Ed asks. "It's by this Shakespeare guy. Stede says he's written plays too."
"I wasn't listening," Izzy says. Stede is almost positive that's a lie.
"Stede can read it again," Ed offers.
Izzy scowls. "If I wanted to read Shakespeare, I'd do it myself."
"You can read?" Stede asks, wondering at the last second if Izzy is going to take offense to the surprise in his voice.
Izzy's scowl deepens, but not enough that Stede thinks he's actually offended. "I can read."
"Have you read Shakespeare before?"
"Some of us have jobs and can't just sit around reading plays and poems," Izzy spits, which isn't actually an answer. Stede gathers up his willpower so he doesn't push.
"You're free to borrow any of the books in my library, of course. The entire crew is, although most of them can't read."
"I don't want your fucking books."
"Well, the offer still stands, in case you change your mind."
The look on Izzy's face tells Stede that, if he doesn't back off soon, Izzy is going to storm off. Stede would rather avoid that if he could.
"Ed," he asks, turning away from Izzy to give him his space, "do you want to practice reading again?"
Ed perks up a little. "With the book with the pictures?"
"Sure," Stede agrees. The book in question is a children's book that was a favorite of Stede's as a child; Ed is fond of its illustrations and its short, simple sentences. He's been making good progress in his reading lessons, but anything complex is still beyond him. Stede wonders for a moment why Ed never asked Izzy to teach him read, since Izzy apparently knows how to, but perhaps he'd never wanted to learn before. Stede has always loved books and seen them as a wonderful escape, but he supposes Izzy might have a point that some people don't have time to sit around reading all day. Besides, he doubts Ed's old ship had much in the way of interesting reading. Most likely it was all old shipping manifests and account books.
Stede helps Ed through the book, steadfastly ignoring the way he can feel Izzy's gaze burning into his back. He only turns when he hears the water slosh. Izzy is getting out of the tub, reaching for the towel Stede had left folded on the chair beside him.
"Did you have a nice bath?" Stede asks.
Izzy makes a mildly disgruntled noise and begins pulling his clothes back on. Stede stands and crosses over to help, handing him each piece of clothing as he needs it. There's a look on Izzy's face that almost seems like distrust, but he takes the clothes.
"Oh, oops!" Stede says as he picks up Izzy's cravat and something falls to the floor. He bends down and picks it up. It's a ring, to his surprise; a ring that looks far finer than anything he'd expect Izzy to have on his person.
"This is lovely!" Stede tells him. "Where did you- Oh!"
Izzy's knife is at Stede's throat in a movement so fast he didn't see it clearly. "Give it to me," Izzy demands in a low, dangerous voice.
"Of course," Stede replies, handing Izzy the ring and trying not to appear afraid. "You needn't worry, I wouldn't-"
But before Izzy can hear what Stede wouldn't do, he's gone, the door slamming shut behind him.
"Goodness," Stede says, rubbing his neck. "I hadn't expected that."
"Went better than it could have," Ed remarks. "Izzy's really protective over that ring. Saw him stab someone through the hand for reaching for it once."
"Goodness," Stede repeats. "Have you any idea where he got it? It must be very important to him."
"Dunno," Ed says. "He never said, I never asked."
This seems to be a bit of a recurring theme with Izzy and Ed. It makes sense, Stede supposes; Izzy is very private, and Ed doesn't seem to push him too much, at least with personal things. If this is how Izzy reacts to personal questions, with knives to the throat or through people's hands, then it makes even more sense.
"Well," Stede says, trying to be optimistic, "other than that little hiccup at the end, I think things went rather nicely. I do think Izzy enjoyed the bath, don't you?"
"Look, mate, I understand what you're trying to do here, but I'm still not sure it's the best idea."
"Nonsense!" Stede dismisses. "Izzy deserves to experience kindness, and I won't budge on that point."
"Well, you're trying to be kind to him, and I don't think he's liking it, so is that really kind?" Ed counters.
"Well, I'm certainly not going to be unkind," Stede replies, "so kindness it is. Besides, I do think he did enjoy the bath, so perhaps he'd like kindness more than he realizes."
Ed sighs. "Give him the rest of the day to cool off about the ring thing, at least."
"Yes, that's probably a good idea," Stede agrees. "I can start preparing what to do next while I give him space."
"Alright," Ed says, sounding a bit helpless about it. "I'm gonna go see what the crew is up to."
"I'll be up in a few minutes," Stede replies, already thinking about what he can do with Izzy next. Something soft, something gentle, something kind. Something Izzy will actually like.
If Stede thinks hard enough, he'll figure it out.
By the end of the day, Stede has an idea for his next encounter with Izzy; he's thinking of offering him a black silk vest that he has tucked away in his closet, one that was always a little too small for Stede. He thinks it should fit Izzy well enough, and they can always ask Wee John to tailor it if they have to. It's soft and fine, but also plain enough that Izzy shouldn't find too much fault with it.
The problem is, the next morning, Izzy seems to have disappeared.
No matter where Stede goes, Izzy never seems to be there. Stede would almost wonder if he left, except all of their dinghies are still there and he's fairly certain someone would inform him if Izzy threw himself into the sea. That means Izzy has to be onboard, and so Stede will keep looking until he finds him.
"Have you seen Izzy?" he asks Lucius after searching for an hour straight. "Only I can't seem to find him."
"He was being bitchier than usual this morning, then he stormed off," Lucius replies. "Something about inventory, I think he said."
"I was just downstairs, and I didn't see him at all," Stede replies, annoyed. "Any other ideas?"
"I dunno, Captain," Lucius replies. "And I don't really know why you care so much."
"Well, I have a bit of a… plan," Stede admits. "I want to give Izzy kindness and gentleness. Ed says he doesn't like them because he's never had them before, but maybe if I can give them to him, he'll learn to love them like I do."
"You want to show Izzy kindness?" Lucius repeats dubiously. "How's that going for you so far?"
"It's… going," Stede says, if a bit hesitantly. "I do think I'll get him in the end."
"Sure you will, Captain," Lucius replies in an incredibly unconvinced voice.
"You know what, I am your captain, and I think you're being a bit disrespectful," Stede says. "Do you not believe in me?"
"I believe in you just fine," Lucius replies. "It's Izzy I'm not sure about."
"Izzy is a good man in his heart," Stede defends. "And Ed says he's never really had kindness, so I don't think he knows what to do with it. That's why he gets so angry when we try to show it to him, because he's scared and confused."
"You do realize you sound kinda like you're talking about a pet, right?" Lucius asked dryly.
"Oh, do I?" Stede asks, horror in his stomach. If Izzy caught wind of that conversation, he'd be furious.
"But do you really think Izzy will change if you give him a hug?" Lucius asks.
"Well, we don't necessarily want him to change," Stede replies. "What I want to do is help him to be happier and more relaxed. He's so tense now, isn't he? It's a little absurd, honestly. And if we can help him calm down sometimes-"
"I really don't think he's the type to calm down. Ever."
"Well, be that as it may, I'd still like to help if I can."
Lucius shrugs. "Your funeral."
Stede huffs, then he decides his best bet is to find Ed first. Ed is always better at finding Izzy than Stede himself. It's probably partially because of his longer experience with Izzy, and probably partially because Izzy doesn't try as hard to hide from Ed. Stede expects it's because he minds getting found less.
Ed is easy enough to find, and somehow, he's already with Izzy, even though Stede swears he checked the deck before speaking to Lucius. He'd thought that Izzy was hiding from everyone, especially since Lucius said he was particularly grumpy, but now Stede wonders if Izzy was hiding from him specifically. Given the look on Izzy's face when he notices that he's been spotted and he can't do anything to change that, Stede thinks he probably was.
But Stede isn't one to give up easily, so he goes up to Ed and Izzy with a smile. "You two were exactly the people I wanted to see. I was hoping we might have a little meeting after lunch, if you're available and amenable?"
"Sounds good to me," Ed agreed. "What about you, Iz?"
Izzy does not look particularly amenable, but he must be available and aware that Stede won't accept a refusal easily, so he nods gruffly. "I'll be there. Cabin?"
"Yes, indeed," Stede agrees. "Delightful. I shall see you after lunch, then."
"See you then," Ed says with a wave. Izzy rolls his eyes and doesn't wave at all.
The wait for lunch seems interminable, but finally, Stede wanders down to the kitchen and gets himself a bowl of stew. Izzy and Ed are also there, getting their own food, but Stede made a point to give them space. Ed, he'd like to see, and he thinks Ed would be happy to see him too, but things are still trickier with Izzy, and Stede thinks lunch will be easier if they don't try to have it together.
When he's done eating, however, Stede makes a beeline to his cabin. He was the one to offer the invitation, so he wants to be the first one there. Luckily, he is; it takes another five minutes until Ed and Izzy knock on the door. Stede opens it with a smile that he hopes looked natural, but judging by their faces, he's a little off.
"So," Ed asks, "what's up, mate? D'you need something?"
"I had rather hoped we three might have a little talk," Stede says. "Izzy, I wanted to apologize for yesterday. I didn't mean to upset you with the ring."
Izzy scowls. "I wasn't upset, Bonnet."
"Good to hear," Stede replies, even though he's not sure that's true. He won't push Izzy on it now, though. Pushing Izzy has gotten him into more bad situations than good, he thinks, and pushing him now might be disastrous.
"Is that all you wanted to say?" Izzy asks, clearly hoping for an affirmative so he can leave.
"Not quite," Stede says, and he pretends he can't see Izzy scowl. "I thought it might be a good idea for the three of us to make sure we're all on the same page about what we expect out of this relationship. Sort of like a smaller version of talking it through, as a crew."
This, Stede knows, may be taking things too far. It's very possible that Izzy won't take well to such a conversation at all. But Stede does think it's an important one to have, so he'd really like to have it.
"We're not in a relationship," Izzy sneers, which isn't really setting things up with a good start. "We all fuck, that's it. You and Ed have a relationship, but the three of us don't."
Izzy spits out the word "relationship" like it's filthy. Stede frowns. He'd expected a response somewhat like this, but not quite as bad. He still thinks his planned response will work, though.
"Well, not all relationships are romantic, are they? There's business relationships, or casual relationships, or, ah... carnal relationships, like ours. But it's still a good idea to make sure we're all on the same page."
"And what page is that?" Ed asks, clearly trying to be helpful.
"Well," Stede says, "the way I see it, I've currently got a romantic and, er, sexual relationship with you, Ed, and Izzy, we've just got the sexual bit. Now, I'm perfectly happy with this, but I'd also be interested in exploring the romantic bit with you, Izzy, if you wanted to."
There's a flash of something on Izzy's face. "And if I don't want to?"
"Obviously, I would respect that," Stede says. "And if you ask me not to, I won't bring it up again. But I'd rather thought-"
"And I'd rather not have this conversation," Izzy snapped. "We're fucking. That's it. End of story."
"Iz-"
"Is that all you need?" Izzy asks Stede, looking rather desperate for the answer to be yes.
"I suppose it is," Stede agrees, although he had hoped to give Izzy the vest. He knows that won't go over well right now, though, so he'll wait until a better time.
Izzy nods, then he disappears out the door without so much as another word to either of them. Stede must have rattled him; normally, he'd at least say something to Ed.
"Honestly, that went better than I expected when you started the conversation," Ed says. "No knives or threats or anything."
"No, I suppose not," Stede agrees, although he's not quite as pleased about the whole thing as Ed seems to be.
"And I think he's at least somewhat open to romance," Ed adds.
"He didn't seem it."
"Nah, you don't know Iz well enough. If he really hates the idea that much, he'd have made it obvious."
"That wasn't obvious?"
"Like I said, no knives or threats. That's a lot, for Izzy."
"I suppose it is," Stede agrees. "Did I show you what I'd like to give him next? I'd been thinking about giving it during this talk, but all things considered, I thought it would be for the best to wait."
"Yeah, probably good idea," Ed agrees. "What do you want to give him?"
Stede produces the black silk vest and hands it to Ed triumphantly. "It's fine, but it's also practical. And he wears something similar anyways."
"It's not the worst thing you could give him," Ed agrees. "Not sure he's super into silk, though."
"Well, he doesn't have to keep it if he doesn't like it, but I'd like to give it to him," Stede says.
"Stede," Ed says, his voice a little cautious, "is this whole gift thing about Izzy or about you?"
"Izzy, of course," Stede responds automatically, but Ed gives him a look and Stede relents.
"Rather both, I suppose. I do think Izzy should have the opportunity to enjoy fine things, but I also like the idea of giving him things and perhaps deepening our relationship."
"I know I just said that he's somewhat open to romance, but that doesn't mean he'll agree to it," Ed warns. "And even if he does, it might not be for a while. Just because you're giving him gifts-"
"Oh, I don't expect romance in return for the gifts," Stede clarifies quickly. "If Izzy should want it, then I would enjoy it, but the gifts are because I think he would like them and because I enjoy giving gifts. They're not meant to... buy him, or anything."
Ed nods. "I figured, but… Iz might be weird about it. Just so you know."
"Weird in what way?"
Ed shrugs. "I just know he's sensitive to the idea of people trying to buy him or his affection. It took a long time to get him to accept anything from me without him trying to bite my head off about it."
"Before or after you became intimate?"
"Both. I'm not saying he will be weird about it, just that he might be."
"Well, I think I'm rather used to how prickly Izzy can be by now," Stede says. "I won't be surprised if he isn't immediately receptive to the idea."
"It might have been a better idea to have waited longer before having this conversation, honestly," Ed adds. "I mean, too late now, but if he thinks you're giving him things to… butter him up or something, he might not like it."
"Should I speak to him again so he knows that I'm not?" Stede asks worriedly.
"Nah, probably not a good idea to bring it up yourself. And he probably won't believe you. Just don't say anything for now."
"Then I'll continue giving him gifts, and if things go wrong, we can deal with it then," Stede says. "If you think that's a good idea?"
"I think it's fine," Ed says. "You're not going to give up on this whole gift thing, so you might as well keep doing it."
That wasn't perhaps the glowing acceptance and agreement that Stede had been hoping for, but at least it was honest. And Stede wasn't going to give up on giving Izzy gifts, so Ed was right about that. Izzy deserved kindness, and Stede wouldn't give up on that.
"Is there anything you'd like?" Stede asked Ed. "I like giving you gifts too."
Ed grinned. "Maybe a kiss?"
"You know I'll always give you that," Stede said, and indeed he did.
When Stede gives Izzy the black silk vest, he does seem a bit suspicious, but he also seems to believe it when Stede says he had the vest lying around and never fit properly into it. Izzy refuses to try it on right there, but Stede makes him promise to ask Wee John for tailoring help if he needs it. He hopes Izzy actually will, although you never can be sure with him.
It's not long after that that Stede realizes what the next gift can be. He's looking over the ledger, reading over Izzy's neat lines of numbers, when he realizes something doesn't quite add up.
"Ed," he calls, "does Izzy not get a salary?"
"Huh?"
"I pay my crew a salary," Stede explains. "I, well, I don't pay you because you're my co-captain and I feel it would be rather silly, but I can if you'd like. I don't mean to-"
"I don't need a salary," Ed interrupts. "How does it work, exactly?"
"Well, everyone gets paid the same amount every month, regardless of the raids we've done and the plunder we've gotten. That way, no one has to worry about money."
"Huh. Do Ivan and Fang get paid a salary?"
Stede studies the numbers. "They do," he reports. "Although I'm not sure I ever mentioned anything about that specifically. That is a good point, I should have remembered that. It seems Izzy did, though." He looks back up at Ed. "But then why didn't Izzy add himself as well?"
"Pretty sure Izzy's not interested in a salary like that, especially not coming from you and your money."
"Well, perhaps, but it does seem rather unfair that everyone else gets one and he doesn't."
"If Iz wanted one, he'd add it to the numbers."
"Perhaps he felt it was awkward to add himself. Adding others is merely adjusting the crew numbers, but adding himself might feel more uncomfortable. Like stealing, almost."
"Pretty sure Izzy doesn't have a problem with stealing."
Stede frowns. "Oh, quite right. But still."
It's not fair, is the thing. Izzy is perhaps the hardest worker on the entire ship, and he deserves to be fairly compensated for his work. Honestly, he probably deserves a salary more than most of the other crew members. And Stede can't see why he wouldn't want one, if it was offered. He might feel it's not something "real pirates" are supposed to get, but if given the chance to take Stede's money, Stede thinks Izzy will go for it. Wouldn't he want to take it from Stede if he could?
The idea remains on his mind for the rest of the day, and when Izzy joins Stede and Ed after dinner, Stede decides he really ought to bring it up. "Izzy," he says as Ed pours Izzy a glass of brandy, "I noticed a discrepancy in the ledger earlier."
Izzy bristles immediately. "I checked over-"
"Oh, no, no, it's nothing like that," Stede assures him quickly. "All of your numbers are quite correct. You're very good with them."
Izzy is still scowling as he takes a sip of his brandy, but he does seem somewhat pacified. "Then what is it?"
"Well," Stede says, "I noticed that you don't receive a salary like everyone else."
And now Izzy is bristling again, even more than before. "I don't want a bloody salary. Pirates aren't supposed to get a salary."
"Well, I don't see any reason why you shouldn't get a salary," Stede counters. "It is a job, isn't it? You're all keeping the ship running. If you were on any other sort of ship, you'd be paid for your work, so you might as well be paid here as well."
"You're a fucking idiot, Bonnet," Izzy snaps, but that's not necessarily unusual for him, so Stede doesn't pay it much mind.
"And you know," he adds as an idea comes to him, "considering how much more you do compared to everyone else, your salary could even be higher. To reflect all of your additional duties. You have very special jobs that you do, and- Oh!"
Izzy doesn't even seem to notice that the glass of brandy has shattered in his hand. He's on his feet, practically shaking with anger, and Stede is suddenly worried that things are going to devolve into a fight. He can see Ed tensing out of the corner of his eye, probably getting ready to jump in.
But, to his surprise, Izzy doesn't draw his sword and challenge Stede to a duel. "I'm not your pet," he snaps instead. "I'm not something for you to keep. You don't fucking own me, and you never will. So you can take your fucking salary and shove it up your pampered, idiotic ass."
"Izzy-" Stede begins, wondering where on earth he went so wrong, but Izzy is already gone.
The room is silent for a long moment, then Stede lets out a shaky breath and stands. "Goodness. I'll need to get the broom to clean up that glass, won't I?"
"Stede-"
"I'm not quite sure where I left the broom last, to tell you the truth. I think it might be in the closet. It's a rather silly place to leave a broom, but-"
"Stede," Ed repeats, and Stede sinks defeatedly down into his seat.
"That could have gone better, couldn't it?"
"I can talk to him," Ed offers. "I dunno know what got him so mad about that, but I can see if I can find out."
"Do you think it was the comparison to other ships?" Stede asks. "I tried to make it general enough that he wouldn't be upset by it. I almost said the navy specifically, but Izzy used to be in the navy himself, didn't he? I always rather assumed he was."
"Not sure, honestly," Ed admits. "He was already a pirate by the time I met him. Wouldn't be surprised if he'd been a navy man. He's always especially hated them."
"Or do you think it was because I said he should get a higher salary than the rest? Since he's not particularly enamored with the idea of salaries in general, perhaps I shouldn't have said anything about that, but I do think he does a great deal more work than the others, and I wanted to make sure he knew that was appreciated."
"Want me to talk to him?" Ed asks again. "Maybe he'll tell me what's wrong. Could always order him to."
"No, I don't think you need to do that," Stede says quickly. "Honestly, I'd rather he come to me. I know that's not especially likely, but do you think there might be any chance of it?"
"Ehhh..." Ed doesn't look particularly convinced. "Dunno. Maybe."
"Well, we can at least give him a chance," Stede says. "Perhaps he just needs a bit of time to cool off. He was definitely very upset, so it could be that he'll calm down and realize it wasn't such a big deal after all."
"Not sure I've ever seen Izzy do that," Ed says. "But there's a first time for everything, I guess."
He doesn't sound particularly convinced. To be entirely honest, Stede isn't particularly convinced either, even though they're his own words. He's hopeful, a bit, but not much.
He'll go to Izzy, if Izzy won't go to him. He'll talk to him about what's wrong, and he'll get to the bottom of whatever the problem is. They'll figure things out, he's sure they will.
He tries not to think about how hard it's been to come this far along with Izzy, and he hopes this hasn't pushed them too far back.
Izzy doesn't come to Stede the next day. He doesn't even look at him; whenever they're in the same room, Izzy leaves, and whenever they're on deck together, he studiously keeps his distance. He seems to be keeping some distance from Ed too, which is a bit worrying. Normally, Stede and Izzy's disputes don't interfere with Izzy's relationship with Ed. This may be more serious than Stede thought.
"You sure you don't want me to talk to him?" Ed asks that night, when he and Stede are going to sleep.
"I'll give him another day to come to me," Stede says, "and if he doesn't, then I'll try to go to him. And if none of that works, then maybe you can help."
To be honest, Stede doesn't have high hopes for it working, but he does think he should settle this with Izzy himself, without Ed. He's the one who misstepped (although he's still not quite sure how), and so he's the one who should fix it.
The problem is that Izzy, he's sure, won't make that easy.
Except, as Stede finds out the next morning, that was underestimating Izzy, because the next morning, Izzy comes out and finds him on the deck, then grabs his arm and drags him downstairs to the supply room.
"What- Izzy! Are you- Is something- Goodness, you're moving quite fast-"
"If anyone is in here," Izzy yells as he throws open the door, "clear out!"
"Right, clearing out," Frenchie says quickly, scurrying to the door. He pauses just on the other side of it. "Are you going to kill the captain?"
"No," Izzy says, then he slams the door in Frenchie's face and locks it.
"Izzy," Stede says cautiously, "what exactly do you plan on doing in here?"
But Izzy doesn't answer; he's busy with his cravat, fiddling with it with trembling fingers. Stede doesn't realize what he's doing until he slides the ring off and shoves it in Stede's face.
"This was my mother's ring."
Stede blinks at the ring. It's not particularly fine, but it's not cheap either; the metal looks to be silver, and the stone is semi-precious. He's not quite sure what to say, but Izzy is clearly waiting for some sort of response, so he tries, "It's lovely?"
"Do you know where she got it?"
"…Should I?"
"She got it from a rich fuck," Izzy spits, "who kept her as a mistress, who paid her off to stay around, until he got sick of her and dumped her in the middle of nowhere with nothing except the clothes on her back and her bastard child. And she still never stopped loving him and hoping he'd come back."
"Oh, Izzy."
"And I told myself I would never be like her," Izzy adds. "I'd never let some rich fuck own me. I'd never believe them if-" He cuts himself off, but Stede has an idea of what his next words would be.
"Izzy," he says gently, "what that man did to your mother was deplorable. But I would never-"
"He told her she didn't fit in his world. Told her that was why he had to marry a rich woman. Told her they were from two different worlds and it never could have worked."
"But your world is my world now," Stede counters. "We're both pirates. I know you don't think much of my pirating, but-"
"We're both pirates until you get bored and go home or retire or just start sailing around like a bloody pleasure cruise," Izzy interrupts. "And when you get tired of pirating-"
"I won't be tired of you," Stede says gently, hoping he's cutting to the heart of the issue in a way that'll help. "I'll never be tired of you, Izzy. I love-"
"Don't say that," Izzy hisses. "Don't-"
"It's true, though," Stede says. "I do. Very much. And I don't think I'll get tired of pirating, but if I do have to stop one day, that won't change how I feel about you."
Izzy's fist is clenched tightly around the ring in his hand. "And I'm just supposed to trust you on that?"
"I don't know what else you could do," Stede replies. "Well, you could disbelieve everything I say, of course, but I am telling the truth. I promise."
"What if it's true now but it's not true later?" Izzy asks. "What if-"
"I love you," Stede cuts in, and he sees Izzy pale a little at the words. "I do. I love you. I'd like to spend my life with you, and with Ed, of course. If you don't feel the same way, I won't force anything on you, but I would like it, if you do feel the same."
Izzy swallows visibly. "I need to think about it."
"Of course," Stede says, trying to keep his heart from falling too much. He should have expected that from Izzy - clever, practical Izzy who thinks through every decision he makes - but he'll admit, he'd hoped that Izzy would simply jump into his arms without another word. He can wait, though, and he will, for as long as Izzy needs him to.
Izzy unlocks the door and leaves the room, disappearing down the hall. Stede watches him for a moment, then he goes up to his own cabin.
Ed is waiting inside. "You good?" he asks immediately, stepping up to Stede.
"Why wouldn't I be?" Stede asks.
"Frenchie said he saw Izzy drag you into the supply room. Said it looked tense. If you were gone a few more minutes, I'd have gone looking for you."
"Izzy wouldn't hurt me," Stede dismisses, although he swears the scar in his gut twinges slightly at the words. "He just wanted to talk."
"He wanted to talk?" Ed repeats. "That's new. What did he want to talk about?"
Stede doesn't keep secrets from Ed, as a rule, but he also doesn't want to betray Izzy's secrets. Izzy hasn't told Ed about his mother or her ring. If Izzy wanted Ed to know, he would have told him. Stede won't lie, but he also won't tell secrets that aren't his.
"I don't think Izzy would like me passing on too many of the details," he tells Ed, "but I suppose I could summarize. He… Well, he sort of explained what his issue was before, with the salary. Not in as many words, but I can definitely see where the problem arose. And he told me some of his concerns about… everything. Particularly the future. Which was good to hear, I must say, because I was able to refute some of them. At least, I hope I was able to refute them. I did my best. Now I suppose it's just a matter of Izzy believing me."
"So it went well?" Ed asks cautiously.
"Honestly? It went better than I'd ever expected. We didn't fully resolve anything, but Izzy said he needed time to think, and I hope that means he'll come to me when he's ready."
"And you talked about his feelings?" Ed asks, this time sounding a bit more dubious.
"Again, not quite in as many words, but there was definitely some discussion of feelings."
Ed looks impressed. "And you got out of there with all your limbs intact."
"I remain entirely unstabbed," Stede agrees triumphantly. "So I think it went rather well."
"Mate, that went miraculously well."
It feels a bit rude to Izzy to agree, but Stede can't help but agree anyway, just a little.
Stede had hoped that Izzy would come to him once he'd had the time he needed to think about things. However, it's been two days, and while Izzy isn't avoiding him nearly as fervently as he did at first, he's still definitely avoiding Stede, and he's most definitely not coming to him to talk.
"At what point do you think I should talk to him myself?" Stede muses to Ed.
"If he said he needed time, give him time," Ed says. "You said you wanted to be kind, right?"
"You're trying to manipulate me," Stede accuses. "But you're also probably right. Has he been talking to you, at least, or has he also been avoiding you?"
"He talks to me as long as I don't bring up anything that sounds like it could relate to you or our relationship," Ed says. "Then he comes up with an excuse and disappears. But that's not super unusual for him. That's how he acted back when we first got together too."
"Goodness, have we regressed that far?"
"Nah, not really. For the moment, maybe, but it won't last long. You don't see the way he looks at you."
"The way he looks at me?" Stede repeats.
"He looks at you like you're something he really wants but can't have. It's almost like he's just waiting for you to disappear. He wouldn't look at you like that if he didn't want you."
"We did discuss that a bit," Stede admits. "Oh, I really think I should go to him."
"He asked for time."
"Well, not exactly. He said he needed to think about it. And he's had plenty of time for thinking, I think. I worry he may have had too much time. If he's gotten into his own head, I think I have to get him out of it."
"Do you want me to come?" Ed asks, apparently surrendering on this point. Stede hopes it's because he agrees with Stede's argument, but he knows it's more likely that it's just because Ed knows he won't win the argument and thus won't bother starting it in the first place.
"No, I think this is something I have to do on my own," Stede says. "Although we should have a conversation with the three of us, and probably you and Izzy should talk alone. But for now, I need to talk to him. If he's alright with it, I'll bring him back here afterwards."
"I think Izzy took the first night watch," Ed says. "So he's probably still on deck, and he shouldn't come down until he passes it off to Wee John."
"Well, then we probably won't come down here directly afterwards, but perhaps we can come down after Wee John takes over, or I can come down and fetch you to come up. It is a lovely night."
"It is," Ed agrees. "And you're stalling."
"I am, aren't I?" Stede says dismally. "I'll stop doing that right now. I'm going to go up and talk to Izzy."
"Good luck."
Stede has the feeling he'll need it.
He goes out onto the deck and is relieved to see it's empty of everyone except Izzy, who's standing at the prow and leaning on the railing. Stede makes his way over to him, but he pauses a few steps away. He's certain Izzy knows he's here - he made no effort to hide the sound of him crossing the boat - but he still doesn't want to bust in on Izzy's private moment without even a warning.
"Izzy? Might we talk?"
Izzy doesn't turn, but he nods clearly enough that Stede can see it from behind, so Stede steps forward. "The other day, you said you needed to think about what we discussed. Have you had enough time to think about it?"
"I've thought about it, yeah," Izzy says flatly.
"And… have you come to any conclusions?"
"I don't think you're purposefully lying to me."
Well, that was a start, at least. "Do you think I'm… unpurposefully lying to you?"
"I think you think you're telling the truth now," Izzy says. "But I also know that you've changed your mind about things before. You were married, then you came here, then you went back to your wife and kids."
"So you think I'm inconstant," Stede says, which is fair, given the series of events Izzy is listing. "But it's different when you're in love. I was never in love with Mary, and I did go back to her, but then I came back here because I'm in love with Ed. It's like the sonnet we read while you were in the bath. Love is not love which alters when it alteration finds, or bends with the remover to remove. Oh no! it is an ever-fixed mark that looks on tempests and is never shaken."
"So you won't leave Ed, at least not permanently."
"And I'm in love with you as well, so I won't leave you either."
"You think you're in love with me now."
Ah, this seems like it might be getting to the heart of the issue. "And you think that won't last?"
"You like nice things," Izzy says with a tinge of bitterness to his voice. "And kind things. I'm not nice or kind." He hesitates. "You keep… giving me things, or doing things for me, and I know I won't do that back for you. It's not who I am. I can't even appreciate them right, because that's not who I am either."
Stede remembers suddenly when Ed asked if his kindness towards Izzy was for Izzy's sake or his own. Stede had protested that of course it was for Izzy and only relented the tiniest bit, but hearing Izzy now… It was for Stede. It was partially for Izzy, but it was mostly for Stede. He wanted to make Izzy feel comfortable and loved, but he wanted to do it his way, and he paid little attention to how it would make Izzy feel. He'd done what he thought was best, what he thought a person ought to like, and he hadn't noticed at all - or rather, hadn't let himself notice - that Izzy didn't seem to really like it at all.
"I do like nice things," Stede says. "And I like to be kind. But I like you too. I think you're nice, even if you don't think so. And I don't need you to be kind. Of course, I'd like it if you weren't needlessly cruel to the crew, but you're not anymore, are you? And I haven't been giving you things because I want you to give them back. I've been giving you things because I thought… well, because that's the way I can show my affection the easiest, and I know it's not your preferred way, but I suppose I thought I could force it if I tried hard enough."
"I'm too old to learn new tricks," Izzy says, a bit mournfully.
"And you shouldn't have to learn them anyway," Stede says. "When you love someone, you should love them how they wish to be loved, not how you wish to love them. That was where I went wrong. I was loving you in the easiest way for me, but not the best way for you. So now, I want to ask you. I love you. How do you want me to show it?"
Izzy watches him warily. "And if I say not to show it at all?"
"Then I won't show it," Stede promises. "Of course, I hope that's not what you say, because I'd rather like to show it, but it's up to you, Izzy. I've been trying too hard without including you in the conversation. I don't want to do that anymore."
"I don't want anything public," Izzy says immediately. "I… can be nicer to you on deck, but I don't want us to be like you and Ed in front of the crew."
"Understood." At the beginning of all this, Stede might have tried to convince Izzy otherwise, but he's not going to do that now. Izzy knows what he wants better than Stede, and so Stede will follow Izzy's requests. If he changes his mind later, Stede can't pretend he won't be a little pleased, but that's up to Izzy and Izzy alone.
"I… liked the marmalade," Izzy says with the air of a great concession. Stede knows it's probably not easy for him to say this, so he doesn't comment on that. "I don't like rich foods, but that was good with bread."
"I can try to find more flavors," Stede offers. "If you'd like."
"You're going to do that for yourself anyway, aren't you?"
"Well, yes, I had been planning on that, but I can also look for things you might like."
"Okay," Izzy allows. "But don't tell the crew."
"I won't." Stede hesitates, then asks. "Should we… We needn't discuss this if it'll upset- er, discomfort you, but… the question of you receiving a salary?"
Izzy's lips thin immediately. "That doesn't mean you own me."
"Of course not! It's merely in compensation for your work on the ship."
"And no special jobs," Izzy adds with disdain.
Stede can suddenly see where things went very wrong. "Oh! Oh, Izzy, I didn't mean anything about our relationship when I said that. I merely meant that you do more around the ship than the others, since you're the first mate and one of the most effective members of the crew. I didn't mean to imply we were paying you for… anything else!"
Izzy still looks a bit wary. "Does Edward get a salary?"
"Well, no, because he's co-captain. Since he and I are equals, it felt rather strange for me to pay him. But I rather think- Well, he and I aren't married, and- Gosh, I really think I should discuss this with him first, but the way I see it, what's mine is his."
Izzy, somewhat surprisingly, looks almost crushed for half a second before he can hide it. Stede's first thought is that he's jealous of Stede's claim on Ed, then it occurs to him that he may be jealous in entirely the opposite direction.
"What's mine is yours as well, you know. Not just Ed's. We're all together. If you want to be, at least. You said before that we weren't in a relationship, so-"
"We're not," Izzy says too quickly. "You can pay me a stupid salary if it means that much to you."
"I think perhaps we ought to discuss this further."
"Fuck off, Bonnet."
Stede aches to push, but he knows he shouldn't; he's been pushing too much, and that's caused most of their problems so far. "Alright. We needn't discuss it now. I do think we should discuss it at some point, but for now, I'll add your salary to the accounts. Do you… I imagine a first mate ought to make more than an ordinary crewman, wouldn't they?"
Izzy scowls. "I don't need extra."
"Then I'll put you down for the same salary as everyone else," Stede declares. If the idea of being paid extra makes Izzy this uncomfortable, Stede will drop it for now. The salary is for Izzy, after all, not Stede, so he should do what Izzy wants.
"Were you trying to dress me up with the vest?" Izzy asks after a moment.
"Not really," Stede says. "I just… Well, I wanted to give you something, because I rather like giving gifts, and I knew you'd appreciate something practical the most. And I did honestly have that vest and not wear it, so I thought it would be better suited to you than to me. You wear your vests anyway, so I thought… Well. You might like it. I imagine it would be lighter for summer, at least."
"Probably would be," Izzy allows. "But you're not trying to dress me up the way you dressed up Edward?"
"Ed still wears what he always did, as far as I've noticed," Stede says. "Unless you mean when we both dressed up for the French party? But that was only for the one special occasion. If Ed wishes to dress up like that again, of course he can, but I wouldn't push it." Stede hesitates and weighs exactly how stupid his next words are, then decides to go ahead with them and asks, "Do you wish to dress up like that?"
Izzy scowls immediately. "I'd rather drown."
"A simple no would have sufficed, but I suppose that makes your point quite clear."
"I'm not going to fit into your fancy world," Izzy says. "I never will, and I'm not going to try. If that's a deal breaker for you, then fuck off right now."
"It's not a deal breaker at all," Stede assures him. "I'm not sure I'll ever fully fit into your world either. Is that a deal breaker for you?"
Izzy hesitates for a longer moment than Stede would prefer, then he sighs. "No." It sounds almost like he's disappointed in himself for it not being a deal breaker, which Stede doesn't quite understand, but as long as Izzy's answer is no, he's satisfied.
"Do you want to discuss our relationship?" Stede asks, because that sounded to him like Izzy was opening up that discussion.
"No."
"Shall I… Do you want me to stay or leave?"
Again, a pause. "You can stay," Izzy finally says, and Stede knows him well enough to know that he's framing it as a favor for Stede because he doesn't want to admit to anything else. That's alright. Izzy doesn't need to admit anything. Stede already knows.
"I'll stay then, and we can go down when your watch is over," Stede says, sitting down on the deck. "Will you sit with me?"
Izzy's lips twitch into a momentary scowl, then he sits. "This isn't how we're supposed to be on watch."
"I think it's alright, though, isn't it?"
An even longer pause. Stede has given up on expecting an answer when Izzy quietly admits. "Yeah. Yeah, it's alright."
Stede smiles in the moonlight.
Stede is half-asleep when Izzy pulls him upright and drags him down to the steps. "What- Aren't we on watch?"
"Wee John relieved me. We're going downstairs. You need to sleep."
"I'm- No, I'm quite awake, I assure you." Stede wiggles out of Izzy's grasp and does his best to stand without swaying. "See? Awake."
Izzy scoffs, but he sounds fond, at least for Izzy. "Sure. Come on."
Stede follows Izzy down the hall to the captains' quarters. "Will you stay?" he bursts out, just before Izzy opens the door, and Izzy goes still.
"Stay?"
"Overnight?" Stede elaborates. "The bed should be big enough. It's not enormous, but I think it should fit- If you should want to, that is. You don't have to, but I think it would be-"
"I'll think about it," Izzy interrupts, and Stede's too tired to tell if he means it as an embarrassed yes or a discreet no.
"Alright," he says. "I don't think tonight is the time to discuss relationships, is it? We can talk about that later. If you want to."
Izzy pushes the door open. "We'll see."
"Stede!" Ed says, standing. "Iz! Have you two gotten over whatever was eating at you before?"
"I think we have," Stede says, looking to Izzy for confirmation. "Haven't we?"
"We're good," Izzy grunts, making a beeline for the bottle of brandy on the sideboard.
"We had some… misunderstandings before," Stede tells Ed. "But I think we've gone through them. We haven't talked about everything yet, but we'll do more soon."
"Just tell him what we talked about," Izzy calls. "You don't need to do your weird euphemism thing."
"Well, I didn't tell him, though," Stede says. "I didn't know if you'd want him to know, and I didn't want to break your confidence."
That surprises Izzy, which makes Stede feel a combination of saddened and guilty. He'd like Izzy to know he can trust Stede with his secrets, but he's also not entirely surprised that Izzy assumed he'd share it with Ed anyway. He does share most things with Ed, even some things that he probably shouldn't. This, though… This was too close to them. This, he kept quiet about.
"Do you want to tell him?" Stede asks. "Or do you want me to tell him? Or do you-" He yawns enormously. "Do you not want him to know?"
"You need to sleep," Izzy says. It comes out a bit derisive, but Stede is pretty sure that's just Izzy's voice. "You're slurring like a drunk."
"You do sound tired," Ed agrees. "Do you want the outside or the inside?"
"Izzy, will you be staying?"
Ed's head whips around to face Izzy, and Izzy's face goes almost panicked for half a heartbeat. "I- Not tonight. I'm not sleeping here tonight."
"Would you stay until I fall asleep?" Stede asks. "Then it would be almost like you stayed."
"You're a sap."
"But would you?"
Izzy rolls his eyes, which Stede knows is practically a yes. He smiles at Ed. "I'll take the inside."
It's simple enough for Stede to change into his pajamas, even with how tired he is, and he crawls into bed. Ed lies down next to him, and Stede gives him a kiss before looking over at Izzy. "Izzy?" he asks, holding out a hand. "Would you like to sit?"
Izzy looks at his hand almost warily for a moment. He doesn't take it, but he does sit. Tentatively, like he might have to jump up and run at any moment, but at least he's sitting.
Stede offered to take the inside so that Ed and Izzy could talk more easily after he falls asleep, but now he thinks Izzy is dreadfully far away. He'll take it, though. He'd like Izzy to be closer, but he's not sure if Izzy would be comfortable with it, and he's not going to sacrifice Izzy's comfort for his own desires, not anymore. He just leans over Ed and pats Izzy gently on the arm.
"Goodnight, Izzy."
Izzy grumbles and huffs, but he does mutter a quiet, "Goodnight."
Stede falls asleep with a smile on his face.
He wakes up the next morning to a gentle kiss from Ed. "Good morning," he hums sleepily, kissing him back. "Are we needed on deck?"
"Not yet," Ed said, his voice a low rumble. "Just wanted a bit of time together before we have to go up."
"Oh?" Stede shuffles a little so he can look at Ed more clearly. "What sort of time?"
"Well, we didn't have much time last night."
"I think we can make up for that, then," Stede says, and their next kiss is a little less gentle.
Despite Ed waking Stede up early, they end up having to rush to get dressed and ready to go out on deck. Stede is pulling clothes out of his closet when Ed calls, "I talked to Izzy last night, after you fell asleep."
"Oh," Stede says, poking his head out of the closet. "What did he say?"
"He told me what was going on with you two," Ed says. At the look on Stede's face, he adds, "He didn't pin it all on you. He gets that some of it is on him."
"Well, I wouldn't word it like that," Stede demurs, although he is glad to hear it. "That makes it sound like it was someone's fault. It was mostly just misunderstandings, I think."
"Yeah, sounds like it was," Ed agrees. "But it sounds like you're on the same page now."
"Oh, I hope so," Stede says fervently. "And if you've talked with him, then I guess that puts us all on the same page, right?"
"I think so," Ed says. "What do we do next, then?"
"I suppose we should all talk together," Stede says. "Tonight, maybe? We can invite Izzy to the cabin after dinner and see if we can discuss things."
Ed nods. "I'll invite him, then. Unless you…"
"No, I think it's best if you do it. Izzy said he didn't want anything public, and I'm not sure if he would count this as public or not. Best not to risk it."
"Good thought. I'll talk to him."
Stede fiddles with his cravat, then he steps out of the closet. "Are we ready to go up, then?"
Ed nods. "Think we are."
Izzy is yelling at the crew when they get up on deck, which is a normal enough occurrence that neither Stede nor Ed is particularly worried about it. Izzy has finally come to terms (in his own way, at least) with how little the crew knows, and he's started making his yelling educational as well as angry. It is, according to Ed, a big step forward for him, and it's led to the crew learning a lot more about handling the ship, so Stede hasn't said a word about it.
When Izzy finally stops yelling, Ed goes over to him and murmurs something in his ear. Izzy straightens a little, and his eyes seek Stede for half a second, and then he turns back to Ed and nods. Stede feels a little shiver of anticipation run down his spine, then he tells himself to focus on his work.
He manages, if only barely. By the time dinner comes around, Stede is practically bouncing around the cabin with nervous energy. Ed laughs at him, but Stede can tell he's a little nervous too; he wants this to go well as much as Stede does.
There's no reason to think it won't go well. There's actually every reason to think it will. But Stede can't help but worry anyway.
Izzy arrives just as they're finishing up their meal, slipping in the door without knocking. "You called for me?" he asks, his shoulders a little stiff.
"Relax, Iz," Ed says, which is good, because Stede doesn't think Izzy would take it nearly as well if he told Izzy to relax. "And close the door behind you."
Izzy does as he's told, and his shoulders do look a little more relaxed when he steps properly into the room. "Do we have to talk about things tonight?"
"Do you want to talk about things tonight?" Stede asks. That was the plan, but only if everyone's up for it. He's been making far too many assumptions with Izzy; he supposes it's about time he just asks him what he wants.
Izzy makes a face. "Not tonight."
"Can we talk about things sometime soon?"
Izzy hesitates, and Stede doesn't think he's exaggerating when he thinks that Izzy looks like he's considering fleeing. Finally, though, Izzy nods.
"Okay."
Stede nods back. "Alright. Then, for tonight…"
"If we're going to change our plans for you," Ed says in the sort of voice that he always uses when he and Izzy get like this, "you should make it worth our while."
Izzy bares his teeth, and everything goes rather predictably after that.
It all goes predictably, until, after they're finished, Stede says quietly, "Izzy, it's your choice if you want to do it or not, but… You could stay here tonight, if you wanted."
Izzy stares at him for a long moment. Stede tells himself not to push. Then, finally…
"Alright."
Stede blinks and almost asks Izzy if he's sure, but he holds himself back at the last second; he doesn't want to make too big a deal out of this, since he's fairly sure doing that will only make Izzy change his mind. He only shifts in the bed, moving closer to the window so Izzy can have the outside edge. He's fairly certain Izzy will want it.
Izzy lies down on the very edge of the bed, with Ed in the middle and Stede on the inside. Stede hardly dares to breathe, and he's fairly certain Ed feels similar. This feels like a big step forward, something new and special-
"If you two can't be fucking normal about this, I'm leaving," Izzy declares, and Stede almost chokes on a laugh.
"We'll be normal, Izzy dear," he says, and then he almost smacks himself for giving voice to the pet name. Izzy, to his surprise, just grumbles quietly and doesn't say anything about it.
"Totally normal," Ed agrees. "So normal. The most-"
"Oh, for fuck's sake, I shouldn't have said anything."
Stede starts laughing, and once he starts, he can't stop. Ed starts laughing next to him too, and soon enough, they're giggling over each other like schoolchildren while Izzy sighs and stares at the ceiling next to Ed. He doesn't leave, though, and Stede is pretty sure he can see the hint of a smile on his face.
"Are you two going to fucking sleep or what?" Izzy finally asks, and Stede figures that the amount of cursing probably means they should take Izzy seriously, even though he does seem to curse with every breath.
"We'll go to sleep," Stede says. "Will you be here when we wake up?"
"Depends on how late you wake up."
"Will you come back tomorrow?" Ed asks.
Izzy sighs, still staring up at the ceiling. "I will," he promises quietly, and it might not be exactly what Stede thought he wanted, but it's real, and it's what makes them all happy, and that makes it better.
It wasn't hard to fold Izzy into their sexual relationship. It's harder to fold him into everything else. Izzy resists everything, and sometimes, he actually means it. Stede learns to tell when he does and when he doesn't, and he learns when he should push and when he shouldn't.
But things get better. Things get easier. Things get more comfortable. And more nights than not, Izzy is there with them, and he stays when they go to bed.
Izzy always sleeps on the outer edge. Most nights, he's gone by the time Ed and Stede wake up. Half the time, he curls up on his side facing away from them and sleeps like that. Occasionally, he flinches every time he's touched and leaves early in the night, before any of them have fallen asleep.
But most nights, they all fall asleep in the same bed. Half the time, Izzy curls around whoever's in the middle, whether it's Stede or Ed, and sleeps like that. And occasionally, he's still there when they wake; normally awake himself, but not yet gone.
It's not where Stede ever thought he'd end up. It's not something he ever thought he would want.
But it's there, and it's real, and it's love. As strange as it is… Well, it's strange, and it's also perfect. And love… Love is an ever-fixed mark, and Stede wouldn't want it gone even if he had a choice. He knows Ed feels the same.
And Izzy might not admit it - might never admit it - but Stede is fairly certain he feels the same.