lilhumanoid
Fandoms
Recent works
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today i missed my workout, but it worked out by lilhumanoid
Fandoms: Baldur's Gate (Video Games)
13 Apr 2026
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Summary
Astarion works at the smoothie counter inside of Gale's Simulacrum, a queer-run gym with two resident cats, alongside his friends Karlach, Jenevelle, and Lae'zel. But at night, he's one of Cazador Szarr's "stars"—sex workers forced to staff an exclusive nightclub called The Crimson Palace. His job is supposed to help him pay off his debts to Cazador, at which point he'll be allowed to join the legendary Szarr modeling agency. Somehow, though, Astarion's debts only seem to climb higher...
But it's hard to focus on his ever-increasing debts when Jamie Cross, a local legend famous for performing astounding feats of raw strength despite their physical size, comes into the gym almost every day. Jamie and Astarion's relationship is, so far, nothing beyond quick sex between workouts and occasional late-night texts. His friends say Jamie's just using Astarion, but Astarion is beginning to suspect that Jamie might have secrets similar to his own.
Their body might not belong to them, either.
[title from Work Out by Chance the Rapper]
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"There is no part of Jamie that still loves the person Astarion became. But once upon a time, Jamie loved the person Astarion was. Jamie also loved a cleric who was finding herself and a tiefling who wanted to live and a young man who missed his father. Now all of them are, in different ways, gone.
That doesn't mean Jamie wants to fucking kill them."
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Twenty years after the Absolute's defeat, Jamie receives an order from their patron to kill Vampire Lord Astarion, which forces them to return to Baldur's Gate from Waterdeep for the first time. But their former lover isn't here—the Crimson Palace seems deserted. They can think of only one person who might know where Astarion is: a certain Dark Justiciar they fell out with two decades ago.
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As Long As You Murder the Right People by lilhumanoid
Fandoms: Baldur's Gate (Video Games)
23 Feb 2026
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Summary
Jamie and Astarion are learning what love looks like post-adventure and post-freedom. So far, it mostly looks like slaying monsters across Faerûn, breaking & entering in local inns, and eating enough for once.
It's the happiest they've ever been.
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A short one-shot inspired by a Tumblr Photo Mode tag game (pic included). I got carried away again.
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There's a gala at the Szarr Palace tonight, and Astarion is being punished.
Neither of these is particularly unusual.
What is unusual, though, is the guest list. Dalyria has discovered plenty of strange names, including a group of vampire royals and a number of devils straight from the Hells. What is the Master planning?
Astarion doesn't know, and he doesn't care. He just needs to tailor the Szarr family's outfits and seduce as many partygoers as possible so Cazador may finally allow him some blood. All he must do is turn off his thoughts, give the guests a night to remember, and move on. It's utterly routine.
Or it should be. But nothing is ever so straightforward when devils and vampires mix.
[Possibly a little heavy-handed on the tags but just being safe]
Series
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Dear Diary: Companion Journals (Act 1) by lilhumanoid
Fandoms: Baldur's Gate (Video Games)
02 Feb 2026
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Summary
What if every companion started the game with a journal of their own? Here's what they would say in their own words.
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These entries are part of a mod I'm working on that places a journal in each companion's inventory upon recruitment and updates after key moments/decisions in each person's story.
Series
- Part 1 of BG3 Companion Journals
Recent series
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House of Hungers - Szarr Palace Vampire Spawn Sibling Stories by lilhumanoid
Fandom Baldur's Gate (Video Games)
17 Feb 2026
Summary
Exploring Astarion's pre-tadpole (un)life in the Szarr Palace and his relationships with his "siblings." Sometimes lore-accurate, sometimes headcanon-based.
My headcanons for the other six spawn are here: https://www.tumblr.com/lilhumanoid/805833267202998272?source=share
- Words:
- 18,057
- Works:
- 3
- Bookmarks:
- 2
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- Words:
- 2,017
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- 1
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- Words:
- 544
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- 2
Recent bookmarks
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Summary
Astarion and Gale both end up being hospitalized in intensive care, having to share a room.
Here, they need to learn again how to trust and love.
As they help each other overcome their traumas, one question lingers...
Was this ever about the mint?Bookmarked by lilhumanoid
05 May 2026
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They're having breakfast. Yesterday is still there, still loud in the background, but in the dawnlight, it doesn't feel so insurmountable.
Scratch has designs on that breakfast.
Series
- Part 23 of Stop Kicking Gale (Please)
Bookmarked by lilhumanoid
28 Apr 2026
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Summary
It never occurred to him that Tav could simply fall ill. He’s–well, perhaps not an angel anymore, but something even closer to the divine. Astarion’s never even known him to sniffle.
“Do you think it’s plague?”
“Gods, no. They don’t have plague. They’ll both be fine as long as we can get them to drink enough water.” Lia eyes Astarion. “You have been giving him water?”
To a vampire who hasn't had to contemplate disease in centuries, caring for a lover struck down with the flu proves to be a trial: one that Astarion's determined to pass with flying colors, if only to prove that he's better suited to taking care of Tav than anyone else. Post-canon. Astarion x m!Tav.
Series
- Part 6 of and the waters are warm
Bookmarked by lilhumanoid
28 Apr 2026
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Summary
Astarion is injured, starving, and afraid of what he might do if he lets himself feed on her.
Riven offers anyway.
With Halsin at her side, they choose trust over fear, and discover just how fragile control can be when it matters.
Series
- Part 2 of Wild Things and Wicked Hearts
Bookmarked by lilhumanoid
28 Apr 2026
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Summary
After being cured of vampirism, Astarion embarks on an exploration of the bottom of approximately four wine bottles.
Series
- Part 2 of What Comes After
Bookmarked by lilhumanoid
20 Apr 2026