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  1. Tags
    Summary

    Astarion was replanting weeds at midnight. His fiancé was sucking up to a childhood bully. The engagement party was in four days. Nothing was wrong. ...Except for the things that were. Starting with why he's more devastated by a pile of uprooted garden weeds than he ever was about killing people.

    Or: Two idiots in love navigate polite society, academic bureaucracy, and their own insecurities to figure out what kind of life they actually want together.

    Written for the BG3 Month of May Community Event Bring May Flowers 2026: Week 1 – In Bloom. “Weeds” keyword.
    This is a sequel to Blind Spots but can be read as a standalone. Plausibly post-canon compliant, with some made-up magic and bending of 5e spellcasting rules.

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    27,906
    Chapters:
    3/3
    Collections:
    1
    Comments:
    24
    Kudos:
    39
    Bookmarks:
    5
    Hits:
    333
  2. Tags
    Summary

    Gale is a survivalist romance author who writes about love after the end of the world. He's a divorcee who has plans B through G for power failure, but no Plan A for getting laid. Astarion is a former artist who decided to winter in the northern Michigan lake house he got in his divorce. He's not exactly rural-winter ready. When a massive blizzard knocks out power across the community, Gale—seeing Astarion's dark McMansion—trudges through the blizzard to prevent his idiot neighbor from freezing to death, but they'll both keep each other warm in the end.

    This low-stakes, cozy, modern, the-Ant-and-the-Grasshopper AU softens both Astarion's and Gale's traumatic pasts to gaslighting, controlling exes who leave them lonely until they discover their strange neighbor is a better fit than they had imagined.

    Note: In case you are unfamiliar with the fable of the Ant and the Grasshopper, the Ant prepares for winter by working all summer, while the Grasshopper wastes the summer singing and having fun. In the oldest tellings, the Grasshopper gets cold and hungry in the winter and goes to the Ant for food and shelter, but the Ant scolds him and turns him away. In our version, of course, the Ant is a bit kinder 😉

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    29,660
    Chapters:
    8/8
    Collections:
    1
    Comments:
    181
    Kudos:
    146
    Bookmarks:
    40
    Hits:
    1,529
  3. Tags
    Summary

    Banished from Tav’s good graces for being insufferable, Gale and Astarion drown their sorrows, play dress-up, and discover that maybe they weren’t competing for Tav's heart so much as auditioning for each other’s. Left unsupervised, they discover that silence really is golden, lace really does flatter everyone, and love really can be this stupid.

    Reasonably Canon-Compliant for Act 2 - as usual, I bend some spellcasting rules.

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    28,067
    Chapters:
    6/6
    Comments:
    170
    Kudos:
    235
    Bookmarks:
    62
    Hits:
    2,896
  4. Tags
    Summary

    The Shadowcurse creeps into undead flesh like frost. Gale applies the most logical solution to save Astarion: full-body contact. For science. Obviously.

    Gale can cuddle Astarion warm through their first night in the Shadow-Cursed Lands—but if he thinks he gets to save someone else while planning to sacrifice himself, Astarion has a few objections to make.

    Canon compliance: Takes place in Act 2 just after arriving in the Shadow-cursed Lands and is mostly compliant except for the way the shadowcurse works (see notes)

    Now with incredible fan art in Chapter 2 by the amazing Minui8!
    See their Tumbler post here and give it some love: Art Post

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    12,023
    Chapters:
    3/3
    Collections:
    1
    Comments:
    92
    Kudos:
    444
    Bookmarks:
    73
    Hits:
    4,574
  5. Tags
    Summary

    What happens when a wizard tries so hard to be respectful that he ends up fucking a statue of his boyfriend instead of his actual boyfriend?

    This. This happens.

    Gale is trying to be noble. Astarion is trying to get laid. Neither of them are using their words. Contains: Animate Objects used for purposes Mystra never intended, a full and frank discussion of consent while one party is still impaled on a magical dildo, and the discovery that communication is the ultimate aphrodisiac. (But the double penetration helps.)

    Written for Spooktober (Day 17 Living Statues) + Kinktober (Day 25 Double Penetration and Day 15 Object Insertion)
    Canon Compliance: Happens during canon and is canon-plausible, with the exception of how Animate Objects works. Just go with it.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    11,346
    Chapters:
    3/3
    Collections:
    2
    Comments:
    88
    Kudos:
    171
    Bookmarks:
    28
    Hits:
    1,957
  6. Tags
    Summary

    Astarion and Gale break into a haunted library to uncover forbidden knowledge, only to learn the key to entry is putting on the dirtiest show of their lives.
    OR
    Gale has an unexplored exhibition kink, and they find the perfect opportunity to indulge it in a haunted library during a lightning storm. Meanwhile, I get to indulge my increasing inability to write something without a massive cum joke involved.

    Written for the Kinktober prompts Exhibitionism & Voyeurism, and the Spooktober prompts Ghost, Haunted House (except a Haunted Library), and Storms.

    Canon Caveats: Plausible as post-canon canon-compliant fic, with some magical realism and exceptions to strict 5e magic rules.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    17,208
    Chapters:
    4/4
    Collections:
    2
    Comments:
    89
    Kudos:
    135
    Bookmarks:
    28
    Hits:
    1,624
  7. Tags
    Summary

    Astarion is a hot-shot chopper pilot bringing casualties from the front to the 4077 MASH. Gale is the chief surgeon and can't help noticing the daring and gorgeous flyboy...who clearly has something wrong with him. The two begin a wartime romance that might be the best thing either of them has going on.

    Loosely based on the MASH episode "Smilin' Jack," this one will have a happier ending without destroying the MASH vibes if I can pull it off. I have removed the sexism and homophobia of the era so my casting can work, and because it's dreary to write about, even in a show that was very progressive for its time.

    Smut will be prevalent throughout, plot-relevant, and unskippable.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    44,137
    Chapters:
    8/8
    Collections:
    2
    Comments:
    81
    Kudos:
    75
    Bookmarks:
    15
    Hits:
    1,185
  8. Tags
    Summary

    Overwhelmed with the number of godstruck Tadfools in the party, Vera (Tav) tasks Astarion with blowing up Gale's Mystra obsession before it inevitably ends up biting them all in the ass. She secretly wouldn't mind if they'd maybe bone or something. Astarion discovers Mystra fiddled Gale's memories before she ever fiddled Gale's bits and gets super aggro about that.

    This is a story about reclaiming your own narrative when someone else has rewritten your past and finding a love that celebrates who you truly are. And lots of boning.

    Canon Compliance: Happens during canon (although entirely at camp and through journal entries; not really a playthrough fic), but takes a sharp left once Astarion's discoveries are revealed. Plausible if this information were discoverable in game, but YMMW (see notes for spoilery lore details).

    Smut is very prevalent throughout, extra plot relevant (even compared to my usual) and unskippable. Check the tags and make your own decisions.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    77,699
    Chapters:
    14/14
    Comments:
    188
    Kudos:
    148
    Bookmarks:
    33
    Hits:
    2,950
  9. Tags
    Summary

    Astarion and Gale have graduated and moved into the professional world of feature film. They can't find time in the day for their usual sexcapades, so they invent new ones.

    This is likely better enjoyed after reading Backstage and Centerstage. There is, as before, a lot of pure porn, but this one is slightly more plotty than the others. Your welcome?

    Canon Compliance: Canon happened. Like 1000 years ago or something. This Gale and Astarion are not the originals. Astarion has a snooty rich family with all the warmth of an iceberg. Gale's a distant relative of the Gale of Waterdeep. And they're pretty much what you'd imagine 24-year-old modern Faerun versions of themselves would be.
    No betas - we live and die like a film industry career!

    Bonus content: a few people wanted to know more about how stage and film illusion worked in this AU from the previous stories, so, in the chapter 1 endnotes, you'll find all my worldbuilding notes about the Halarkhane Grid. Feel free to indulge or skip as per your personal inclinations.

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    19,733
    Chapters:
    6/6
    Comments:
    70
    Kudos:
    69
    Bookmarks:
    6
    Hits:
    817
  10. Tags
    Summary

    Gale and Astarion have been married for 10 peaceful, productive years. Their perfectly polished days hide a creative crisis, but when fandom meddling and real danger collide, their pursuit of deadly cultists takes them on a journey to reclaim both their muse and each other.

    This is a sequel to Editorial Prerogative, Dedications, and Narrative Distance. Best enjoyed after reading those; this work contains specific spoilers for all three. I’ll still drop a spoillerrific series summary in the Notes for chaos goblins who insist on starting here and anyone who needs a refresher. Set 10 years after Narrative Distance. Mostly canon-compliant but I can’t promise all the game mechanics are 100% correct (I tried).

    Smut is extremely prevalent throughout, plot-relevant and unskippable. As before, make your own choices.
    Completion: Work is complete. Chapters will be posted twice weekly until we are done!

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    56,581
    Chapters:
    8/8
    Comments:
    77
    Kudos:
    69
    Bookmarks:
    8
    Hits:
    1,591
  11. Tags
    Summary

    It's their last show at Blackstaff, and Astarion and Gale can't resist revisiting theater sexcapades that brought them together, but this time they take their shenanigans from backstage to centerstage.

    By request, this is more sickeningly sweet smut in the same theater-geeks AU as Backstage (see series link). This is likely better enjoyed after reading that one. As before, a ridiculous proportion of the words in this are pure porn. Your welcome, again?

    Canon Compliance: Canon happened. Like 1000 years ago or something. This Gale and Astarion are not the originals. Astarion has a snooty rich family with all the warmth of an iceberg. Gale's a distant relative of the Gale of Waterdeep. And they're pretty much what you'd imagine 22-year-old modern Faerun versions of themselves would be.
    No betas - we live and die like an improv show in a college town!

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    16,463
    Chapters:
    5/5
    Comments:
    98
    Kudos:
    78
    Bookmarks:
    11
    Hits:
    961
  12. Tags
    Summary

    When the star of Blackstaff University’s overblown melodrama catches the illusions guy watching porn, the rehearsal takes a hard left turn into uncharted territory.

    The Bloodweave Brainrot Discord Server's Crack Shack got me. The prompt was locker room setting, University AU plot, Barebacking kink, and Musical wildcard. I have now written a sex scene that lasts 3/5 chapters. Your welcome?

    Canon Compliance: Canon happened. Like 1000 years ago or something. This Gale and Astarion are not the originals, but this Astarion's playing the original in the musical, and this Gale's a distant relative of the Gale of Waterdeep. And they're pretty much what you'd imagine 20-year-old modern Faerun versions of themselves would be.
    No betas - we live and die like an improv show in a college town!

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    18,718
    Chapters:
    5/5
    Collections:
    1
    Comments:
    104
    Kudos:
    122
    Bookmarks:
    14
    Hits:
    1,339
  13. Tags
    Summary

    Gale and Astarion are engaged, but Astarion is dodging setting the wedding date. Gale tells Astarion they’re off to a “writer’s retreat”—conveniently omitting that Newleaf is actually Halsin’s group therapy camp for trauma survivors. Cue: summer camp chaos, emotional avoidance, sadboi shenanigans, and an in-progress romance novel that’s getting out of hand. There’s healing, there’s fighting, there’s a lot of sex (like really a lot, almost every chapter, sometimes more than once, lots and lots of emotional smut), and there’s at least one public meltdown.

    Note: this is a sequel to Editorial Prerogative and Dedications. Best enjoyed after reading those, but I’ll drop a spoilerrific series summary in the Notes for chaos goblins and anyone who needs a refresher. Set a few months post-Dedications. Mostly canon-compliant. Smut is unskippable and plot-relevant—mind the tags and make good choices. Or don’t. I’m not your mom.

    This was written for the Bloodweave Brainweave Discord Server's Gays of Summer 2025 event and hits quite a lot of the event keywords but was mainly inspired by "Summer Camp".

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    40,801
    Chapters:
    5/5
    Collections:
    1
    Comments:
    90
    Kudos:
    135
    Bookmarks:
    16
    Hits:
    2,157
  14. Tags
    Summary

    Astarion thought he'd escaped his past. Then he inherited it.

    Summary: When Astarion learns that he has inherited both Cazador's title and his horror show of a palace, Astarion wants to ignore the whole mess in the worst way, but Gale insists they return to Baldur's Gate and do the paperwork to truly rid themselves of the last of Cazador's ugly legacy. However, the house is haunted and has its own agenda for Astarion. Between a bureaucracy more convoluted than the schemes of the Dead Three, corrupt Patriars who want Astarion to step into Cazador's old shoes, and a tax bill large enough to crush Waterdeep, Gale and Astarion learn that Cazador is almost as much trouble dead as he was alive.

    Canon Caveats: Plausible as post-canon canon-compliant fic, with some magical realism and exceptions to strict 5e magic rules.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    64,883
    Chapters:
    17/17
    Comments:
    245
    Kudos:
    237
    Bookmarks:
    56
    Hits:
    5,589
  15. Tags
    Summary

    There's a time and a place to turn into a floofy white bat. This is not it.

    One minute, Astarion is a suave, unflappable vampire spawn. The next, he's small, white, fluffy, and squeaking indignantly from Zelara's cleavage. While Gale scrambles to solve the magical mystery and floof-obsessed Zelara insists on calling him Batstarion, Astarion has bigger concerns—like how to chair a political summit when he can’t hold a quill. A throuple romantic comedy with spells gone sideways, bureaucracy under siege, and just a little bloodletting.

    This story can be enjoyed alone (betas confirm!) but is technically a sequel to Threefold Returns. See the notes for more info.

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    31,618
    Chapters:
    10/10
    Comments:
    55
    Kudos:
    79
    Bookmarks:
    15
    Hits:
    1,508
  16. Tags
    Summary

    Magic has rules. Magic has a mistress. And Gale Dekarios knows something he was never meant to remember.

    A year ago Gale made Zelara choose between himself and Astarion; she chose Astarion. A few weeks ago, Gale stopped answering their messages. Zel and Astarion show up in Waterdeep and find Gale being mind-fucked by his former goddess.

    What begins as an attempt to untangle the lingering threads of Mystra’s influence over Gale turns into something much bigger—and far more dangerous. The truth lurking beneath the Weave is a secret worth killing for, and Mystra will stop at nothing to keep it buried. But Gale, Astarion, and Zelara have never been good at playing by the rules.

    And Astarion and Zelara have never stopped loving Gale.

    Canon Caveat: I'm playing fast and loose with Mystra and Weave lore here, outright changing it for a main plot point, and I'm not sorry about it. My lore is that Mystra is a horrible person in BG3, and I want her punished. Uh, and some magic stuff definitely goes beyond 5e rules and drifts adjacent to some magical realism. If you're here for some feels and smut and seeing Mystra get destroyed, you're in the right place. If you're here for lore, you're probably not lol.

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    63,957
    Chapters:
    17/17
    Comments:
    89
    Kudos:
    184
    Bookmarks:
    40
    Hits:
    4,101
  17. Tags
    Summary

    What if Astarion, grieving and haunted by the passage of time, became the first worshipper of the newly ascended God of Ambition, Gale, in a strange bid for connection, purpose, and perhaps just a little bit of chaos?

    If you like…
    - Immortal Angst Meets Divine Snark: Dive into themes of mortality, faith, creativity, and legacy as Astarion and Gale redefine what it means to live forever.
    - Found Family and Bittersweet Farewells: Witness the final legacy of the Baldur’s Gate 3 party as their lives intertwine, grow, and fade, leaving Astarion to grapple with what it means to endure.
    - Wit and Whimsy with a Hefty Dose of Heartache: Almost everyone dies, but we can laugh about it.
    …this fic is for you!

    Canon-Caveat: This story happens post-canon and I think is mostly plausible as a canon follow-on, with the exception that I'm ignoring the implications from the epilogue that Gale's worship is springing up organically around Faerun.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    61,601
    Chapters:
    17/17
    Comments:
    112
    Kudos:
    121
    Bookmarks:
    42
    Hits:
    2,547
  18. Tags
    Summary

    This is a sequel and is best enjoyed after reading Fortune Favors the Bold.

    Rhonda, Astarion’s favorite legalese-spouting fortune teller, is back—on the run from an illithid who really didn’t like their reading. Now she’s dragging Astarion into a battle of fine print, psionic loopholes, and extremely aggressive contract negotiations. Turns out, the only thing more terrifying than a mindflayer with a grudge is Rhonda with a clipboard.

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    14,104
    Chapters:
    5/5
    Comments:
    14
    Kudos:
    18
    Bookmarks:
    3
    Hits:
    191
  19. Tags
    Summary

    This story is a sequel and is better enjoyed after reading Editorial Prerogative.

    The Netherbrain has been defeated, and the party has gone their separate ways. Astarion and Gale have moved into Gale's tower in Waterdeep while Gale focuses on publishing the chronicle that brought them together. Astarion has an entirely different focus and... thoughts about their post-adventure life he has yet to confess.

    This story features original art commissioned from the incredible misfit lunatic (https://x.com/misfit_lunatik or https://bsky.app/profile/misfitlunatik.bsky.social)! The cropped version is embedded below but the full glory of the opening scene (very NSFW - take care before clicking through) is here. Thank you as always to misfit lunatic for their incredible art!

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    5,617
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Collections:
    1
    Comments:
    33
    Kudos:
    184
    Bookmarks:
    9
    Hits:
    1,710
  20. Tags
    Summary

    Astarion visits a fortune teller fully expecting a parade of cheap parlor tricks. What he doesn’t expect is a disturbingly detailed vision of… domestic bliss? It’s all nonsense, of course—yet he can’t stop picturing it. Cue comedic internal meltdowns, snarky banter, and the horrifying possibility that the scariest monster lurking in these caves… is hope.

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    7,203
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    21
    Kudos:
    68
    Bookmarks:
    5
    Hits:
    654

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