KalansPhantom
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Summary
"But if we confess our sins to him, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all wickedness".
1 John 1:9
Edward Teach knows sin and guilt. He's got success and fame, a life that most would envy professionally, but his personal life is another matter entirely. He's shit at relationships, shit at finding happiness, in general, Ed's always been a bit shit. He knows he's floating through life, and eventually floats back into the same city he went to college. The same city he once crushed a sweet guy all for the sake of winning a bet.
And meets Father Stede Bonnet, a man who seems to see into his guilt-laden soul and offers to wash his sins clean.
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Stede Bonnet has gone through his life behaving. He married an omega, had pups, went through med school, worked at a prestigious practice, but as time went on, he became more aware that he didn't fit in that life. When his father passes he decides that it's time to take his life in his own hands and that's how he finds himself at the Queen Anne Clinic. It's how he meets Edward Teach, an alpha with a reputation and charisma. An alpha that begins to make him question things about himself he's never faced, but now...he's left seeking answers.
And Edward Teach? Is happy to give them.
Series
- Part 7 of Our Flag Means Omegaverse
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Edward Teach has been living as Blackbeard, a world famous DJ, for too long. He hides his face behind a mask and finds that he's losing himself further and further in the persona he's tired of dragging on. The only thing that's ever cheers him up are kitten videos, one especially, a man that goes by the Furry Gentleman.
When he sees their rescue is looking for fosters Ed sees a chance for him to step away from Blackbeard and see just who Ed is.
Series
- Part 9 of Twitfics/Skyfics
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Edward Teach has always loved sucking cock, sorta his whole damn thing, so when he gets a marketing research offer to try out flavored condoms he's all in. Only downside? His boyfriend doesn't agree and breaks up with him, thankfully they're willing to offer him a test subject. Things do not go as planned.
Series
- Part 13 of Twitfics/Skyfics
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- Part 6 of Our Flag Means Omegaverse
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The leather used to be like armour. Protection against a world out to fucking get him when his own skin felt far too softly vulnerable to leave so delicate and exposed. He relished in everything it stood for back then. Found euphoria in the hyper-masculine status it brought him, and the power that came with it. Willingly let it consume him until it became his whole world, because the one beyond the doors of the bars was never any better.
He built himself a reputation. Blackbeard, the leather daddy Dom.
As Blackbeard, the world could never harm him. As Blackbeard, his own dysphoria could never touch him. As Blackbeard, he knew he was safe.
It’s still true, all these years later, but his leathers are worn with age just like the rest of him, and Ed is so tired of playing pretend.
- Language:
- English
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- 10,677
- Chapters:
- 1/1
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- 1
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Bookmarked by KalansPhantom
11 Aug 2025
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"But something else beside the man’s cash box pulls his attention—something soft and odd and wonderful.
Stede darts toward it and gently picks it up.
A fabric doll.
It’s unlike any doll he’s seen before—adorable and strange in the best way. Mismatched buttons for eyes. Long silver hair. A scruffy gray beard. He wears what looks like an old-fashioned white linen shirt, grayish beige breeches, grey stockings, and black, buckled shoes. There are little tattoos embroidered on his arm—tiny anchors, stars, skulls, and a snake, among others, swirls of thread meant to look like ink.
Stede hugs it to his chest without thinking.
He loves it immediately."When they’re young, Stede and Ed each get a doll that looks uncannily like the other—though they’ve never met. They grow up just a few miles apart, treating their dolls like best friends: sewing them tiny outfits, bringing them along on every adventure, and confiding in them like old friends. It’s sweet, a little odd, and maybe even a touch magical.
Years later, when Stede and Ed finally cross paths as adults, they’re struck by a strange, impossible realization: each of them looks exactly like the other’s childhood doll.- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 62,008
- Chapters:
- 26/26
- Collections:
- 1
- Comments:
- 379
- Kudos:
- 112
- Bookmarks:
- 30
- Hits:
- 2,216
Bookmarked by KalansPhantom
31 Jul 2025
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Summary
Ed Teach had made a name for himself, that was for certain; a celebrity ad man among a sea of gray suits. And that was why the suggestion to bring him in was absolutely absurd.
“He’d never work here. He’s too good, plus he doesn’t tie himself down.”
“There’s that can-do spirit I’ve always heard about!” Lucius jokes.
“We could at least try,” Jim presses.
There’s no way. “It’s not even what he does,” Stede tries to remind them, but he can already tell which way the tide is turning.
***
It's 1964, and Stede Bonnet runs a small but mighty ad firm in New York City. When their creative director suddenly quits, his agency reaches out to an unconventional replacement.
--or--
A Mad Men-inspired AU
Bookmarked by KalansPhantom
25 Jul 2025
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Ed and Stede are friends, but maybe also something more.
Inspired by the 1976 Bob Seger and the Silver Bullet Band song of the same name.
Bookmarked by KalansPhantom
26 May 2025
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Ed crossed his arms over his chest and shrugged, casual. “It’s just bodies, Stede. They’re weird. They do stuff sometimes.”
Stede peered up at him cautiously. “Yeah?”
“What, you think you’re the first person who’s ever gotten a boner during a physical?” Ed scoffed. “Hate to break it to you, but you’re not special.”
Granted, no one Ed had treated had ever had an orgasm while Ed’s finger was still inside them but that was neither here nor there.
**
Stede comes in for his annual prostate exam. Things do not go as planned.
Based on that tweet that's like "if y'all having a bad day just letting y'all know my co-worker got his prostate exam and when the doc touched his prostate he nutted immediately and fell down knocking over some equipment"
Bookmarked by KalansPhantom
15 May 2025