Souless_Robot
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Never Run a Bluff with a Six-Gun by Souless_Robot
Fandoms: Hazbin Hotel (Cartoon), Helluva Boss (Web Series)
31 Jan 2026
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A series of curses roll out of the speaker, “I’m bloody serious you wanker! You think I want to be spending my time trying to contact you when I could be doing a limited low stock run of the most gorgeous corset series Hell has ever seen?” She spits out.
That made Mammon pause. No one would waste time on a prank if there was money to be made. Still, Vox was an overlord, so the situation seemed absurd. “Vox is strong; he can’t get kidnapped.”
“Vox is an idiot,” she said flatly. “Here's proof.” Her screen switched to a text with a picture. Mammon leaned in to see the tiny screen. Vox was tied up with glowing golden angelic ropes and a shiny shotgun pointed at him.
“WHAT?!” Mammon screeched, his form growing as his rage built. That was his sinner. Someone had taken his sinner from his ring when Vox was supposed to be here, impressed by all his stuff! Then Mammon saw the price tag on the ransom. Heaven could try to smite him, but he wasn’t paying that much. Vox was already his property—this was blatant theft from the Sin of Greed!Or Vox on his first visit to the Greed Ring to see his boyfriend and has an unfortunate run in with Striker, unfortunate for Striker that is.
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Vox is well known in Cannibal Town. Since his fall he’s been selling pieces of himself for Rosie’s protection. He’s an acquired taste but his regulars are quite protective. Valentino is known as a bit of a troublemaker around town and so when Vox gets an order he chooses not to fill it. The same evening he attends a cabaret show with Alastor and meets the most gorgeous moth sinner on stage, with a few drinks and cajoling from Alastor, Vox sneaks backstage. It starts with one bite and leads to much because neither of them can resist.
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“This must be a joke,” Alastor said, flatly, his ears pinning back as a crackly growl rolled out of his staff.
For once, Vox agrees with the fossil. Vox can’t stop the staticy laugh that jolts out of his speakers. He scrambles away from Alastor and instead glares up at the corners of the room, looking for the hidden cameras as he raises a fist and pounds on the wall.
“Val, Vel, great joke, real, fucking funny. The letter from Asmodeus was a nice touch. You got me now, come open the door!”
He’s met with silence except for the rising static as Alastor glares at him.or Vox and Alastor are selected as unwilling participants in the annual Asmodia sex ritual, neither are very happy about it.
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Vox doesn't waste the moment. He pushes on like he practiced, so the words wouldn't get caught in his throat. "So, I've been thinking, Alastor, with your incredible power and my massive influence, we would be unstoppable: Radio and Video. Me and you, we could rule Hell together as soulmates!" Vox reaches his hand out, hopeful Alastor will take it and will prove what Vox already knows, that they're perfect halves, fated to be together.
They may never have met during their lifetimes. Still, Vox spent years tracing the careful calligraphy of the name Alastor that wrapped around his wrist, and here was Alastor, perfect and beautiful, right in front of him. Hell may have erased the marks, replaced the names with a simple touch and a light zap to make it all the harder to find your missing half, and all the easier to accidentally hurt them, but Vox knew Alastor was his soulmate. He found him. He can feel it in his bones, in the way their signals bounce happily off one another, in the way Alastor smiles at him.
Or Vox business proposal doesn't go as planned even when the universe marks them as perfect for each other.
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Smoke pours out of the kitchen as Vox hurries out with a heaping pile of food blackened beyond all recognition. “You’ll have to tell me what you think. I tried a new seasoning!” Vox babbles happily using his claws to take a piece of what is presumably food and nibbling it. Alastor hums and pulls the serving dish to himself, taking a fair amount, resigned to the fact that he would be following this meal with something raw to get the taste out of his mouth.
“Maybe we should—” Charlie starts, her smile has slipped as she eyes the smoking breakfast. She picks up the fork and Alastor gives her a pleased nod.
Alastor spears a large piece, not bothering to cut it. It would probably turn to ash on his plate if he tried. He slips it into his mouth and swallows without chewing. He smacks his lips a few times to clear the taste before he turns to Vox with a smile. “It’s delicious as always dear. So delicious in fact that I expect everyone here will clean their plates.” Alastor hears audible gulps from around the table.
Or Alastor finds Vox and takes him home. Them becoming mates is purely happenstance. The rest of hell is simply along for the ride. It’ll be fine, provided they keep Vox out of the kitchen.
Recent series
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- Words:
- 7,308
- Works:
- 9
- Bookmarks:
- 10
Recent bookmarks
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The grass beneath him was all but frozen, sending burgeoning frost creeping up his legs. In the dark of the night, the crisp chill air whispered soft, lulling songs against his bare body that caused him to shiver all over. The biting, agonizing metal of the manacles around his wrists only worsened the intensity of this unbearable, glacial winter that had descended over the forest.
Not that he had much long to live now. The hour was late and the monsters were coming. His pain would disappear along with him.
He couldn't wait.
Bookmarked by Souless_Robot
01 Feb 2026
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What if before making his proposition of partnership to Alastor, Vox went to Alastor's good friend to ask for advice?
And Mimzy, knowing exactly how such a proposition would end, advised Vox to use the best assets he had on him - his voobs?
Alastor never stood a chance.Inspired by a tumblr post:
I know this advice is like, 70 years too late, but tbh Vox you should have spent less time practicing your speech and complimenting Alastor and just took off your silly little vest and unbuttoned the top like 3 or 4 buttons of your shirt, and then crossed your arms and leaned forward and then made your cute digital eyes as big as possible before asking your question.
You were already puffing out your chest you should have just committed to it a little more.Bookmarked by Souless_Robot
31 Jan 2026
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Summary
Wherein Alastor and Vox fall apart before coming together.
"Baby, we built this house on memories
Take my picture now, shake it 'til you see it
And when your fantasies become your legacy
Promise me a place in your house of memories"- Words:
- 14,436
- Works:
- 2
- Bookmarks:
- 7
Bookmarked by Souless_Robot
31 Jan 2026
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Summary
Vox turns back into a human, mind intact. Valentino has ideas.
Bookmarked by Souless_Robot
28 Jan 2026
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Summary
Alastor makes his living through investments, the trade market, forging deals with powerful people and selling goods. On a warm summer's day, he stumbles on a rare mermaid who has been caught by sailors and is now waiting to be auctioned. He's gorgeous; his tail a stark, vivid red more enrapturing than a blood moon with pearly white fins adorning it from the sides like ethereal ghosts; even beaten down the fervid fire in his eyes burns into Alastor's very soul. Unable to tear his gaze away, Alastor buys him. Dealing with mermaids was a dangerous job, one Alastor was well versed in, never having had any proclivity for love or sex which is how he had earned his great success, fortune and reputation. No mermaid can tempt him to his demise with their song.
He could never have known that with this one decision his entire life would be flipped. Feelings that have always lurked beneath the surface arise as an old friend gets pulled into the scheme.
Bookmarked by Souless_Robot
25 Jan 2026