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Quattro Frotaggi by augustaoctavia, offthemap for orolin
Fandoms: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
04 May 2026
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The wedding of Pansy Parkinson and Ron Weasley is going to be the event of the season: four days full of romantic, tasteful celebrations of love, all along the picturesque seaside cliffs of Italy. It has to go perfectly, and the wedding party needs to be on their best behaviour. No squabbling. No picking fights, no hateful sneers, no childish capers and arch-rival shenanigans. Harry knows this. Draco knows this. Theoretically.
Or: Harry and Draco are best men for Ron and Pansy, respectively. So, that's going about as well as one might expect.
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Their Shared Language by offthemap for So_scarlett_maroon
Fandoms: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
01 May 2026
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Gregory Goyle is the strong, silent type. He gets lonely sometimes, and he just wants to find someone who understands.
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A Most Firm and Unyielding Subpoena by offthemap for augustaoctavia
Fandoms: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
13 Apr 2026
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Hermione was under the (rather strong) impression that Draco didn't like her. But after three days stuck in a boring, stuffy courtroom and unexpected testimony, she found herself with many, many questions.
Questions like:
- Why were Roger Davies and Penelope Clearwater surveilling her interactions with Malfoy?
- If his crush was so cripplingly obvious, why didn't they just tell her?
- Why didn't MALFOY just tell her?
- Why did Kingsley have to subpoena Malfoy's diary for her to find out?
- And why, why, why was she listening to Percy Weasley read it all aloud in court?Or: Take the skit "Brian’s Hat" from I Think You Should Leave and make it Dramione
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Draco Malfoy had carefully avoided violence ever since he realised that the Black Family Madness lived in his bones. But after he kills a man, he is slowly succumbing. Violence, obsession, stalking... it's only getting worse.
It's just too bad for Hermione Granger that she was in the wrong place at the wrong time.
Plus, there's that marriage law.
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Draco Malfoy and Hermione Granger are campaign managers for two rival parties. They're also secretly together.
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A socmedia “what if” wherein Draco Malfoy is an emo Facebooker from the early 2000s with a lot of angst to vaguepost
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Hermione Granger has worked her way up the Order ranks, earning herself a leadership role: she is in charge of all the safe-houses. Building, maintaining, and sometimes imprisoning.
Her latest charge is the recently-defected Draco Malfoy, who is not quite trusted enough to join the Order but not dangerous enough to imprison. So he has a small, comfortable safe house all to himself, though he isn’t exactly free.
And what is the safest form of communication during a magical war? Texting, of course. That’s why she has given him a cell phone. For EMERGENCIES. Only emergencies. NOTHING ELSE.
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The Wizarding World in the United Kingdom is a regency society... and it sickens Hermione Granger. She didn't sign up to be a house witch, and she didn't bother to become a powerful wielder of magic only to lose all of her societal power... just because she's a woman. So, she's running away.
What happens when Draco Malfoy finds her in the gardens?
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Draco Malfoy has a crush on Hermione Granger and wants to ask her out. It should have been as simple as that.
But then Gregory Goyle had to get involved.
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A socmed story told entirely in text messages
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The Fucking Pensieve by offthemap for The_Taco_Writes
Fandoms: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
13 Sep 2025
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Draco Malfoy has a special surprise planned for his wife, Hermione Granger. He went through the trouble of stitching together a fake memory just for her, just to fulfill a fantasy she never thought they could make happen. It’s his turn to be in charge tonight, and he’s going to spoil her. With a side of payback.
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Salazar Slytherin was a parseltongue: one who can speak to snakes. Helga Hufflepuff was a tursitongue: One who can speak to dolphins and whales. Guess which founder Draco embarrassingly takes after?
Or: A moody, emo, puritan Draco visits the beach hiding a secret, and Hermione thinks he’s a tortured soul
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Unity Park by Lispodfics, marigold_13, offthemap, themelonlord
Fandoms: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
27 Jul 2025
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The Weasley family’s magical theme park will soon open, and a reluctant Hermione Granger has agreed to participate in the promotional material.
No one told her that meant spending the day with her coworker and rival, Draco Malfoy.
Good thing she definitely, absolutely, irrefutably does NOT have a crush on him.
Definitely not.
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When Hermione Granger receives tickets to the most exclusive book fair in the world, she jumps on the chance. Little did she know that the tickets are actually a gift with strings attached…
Or, serial-skirt chaser Draco Malfoy is after Hermione, and she’s much more into it than she wants to be.
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Hermione Granger is back for an Eighth Year at Hogwarts. She wants to make this go-round all about her wants and needs. Never again will she let life slip out of her control.
Draco Malfoy has one goal for his Eighth year: become friends with the girl who made all the difference at his trial. Thanks to Hermione’s powerful letter about indoctrination and fear, Draco has this second chance at life, and he doesn’t intend to waste it.
But something nefarious has infiltrated the Hogwarts halls. Can Hermione and Draco tackle it together?
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Smile! You’re on Kinky Camera by offthemap for iggygiraffe
Fandoms: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
22 Feb 2025
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Hermione Granger runs a Venture Capital firm for the magical world, and Draco Malfoy has a very special presentation.
He has no idea how special it’s about to be.
Featuring Hot Charlie, Angelina and Oliver as the Greek Chorus, and a Camera that knows what it wants.
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[Fic and Podfic] Veni, Vidi, Amavi by mangotart_reads, offthemap, Rchella_1401, writetimewrongmuse
Fandoms: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
14 Feb 2025
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Once, on a Valentine’s night, they wandered the streets of a city that seemed to have conspired to bring them together. The hours slipped through their fingers, but the memory of it has long refused to let go.
What happens when Hermione and Draco share a fleeting encounter in Florence on a night that was never meant to be theirs, and yet somehow was?
What happens when the night ends, only to linger like the crescent moon, a sliver of light refusing to dull long into dawn?
A journey takes place — a night is shared — an enemy turns more.
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It's New Years Eve, and Hermione has a to-do list to write.
So does Draco.
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Hermione Granger is a woman with a plan. Brooms are uncomfortable, stupid, and not even safe: it's time to invent a replacement.
She knows Draco Malfoy, Liaison to the Department of Magical Games and Sports and Previous Professional Quidditch Player, is not going to like this.
Will a ride on her new prototype manage to convince Draco? Or will she be the one getting a wild ride?
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A Quest for Clarity by offthemap for sad_millennial
Fandoms: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
23 Oct 2024
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Professor Draco Malfoy is home for the holiday break and missing Healer Hermione Granger, occasional guest lecturer at Hogwarts. She's been swamped at work and hasn't had time to visit the school (or a certain pining blond).
When Draco visits her at St Mungo’s, things get out of hand.
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Hermione Granger, certified genius, works in a single-person department and prefers it that way.
When Hermione starts getting death threats, Draco Malfoy becomes her unwanted office partner and unofficial bodyguard. That is, until an attempt on her life forces Draco to take drastic measures to ensure Hermione’s safety...
(Or, a story in which Draco makes Hermione wear a golden amulet around her neck that is in the shape of the ‘divine phallus’. A peen.)