1 - 20 of 21 Works by simch84
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“You bought us gnomish drugs?” Astarion gasped.
It was all slotting together. The wretched truth. His poor, sweet, innocent husband was swindled by a gang of fraudulent artificers. Earnestly seeking something to ease his pain and walking away with an experimental tincture that was—
Suddenly, the strange cat video from earlier seemed much less like a silly internet distraction and much more like an omen. Or perhaps a premonition, lighting the shared future of Astarion and his husband as they hurtled forward together into the terrifying unknown.
Gale makes a miscalculation with his homemade edibles, Astarion experiences the wonders of THC for the first time, and federal tax dollars are wasted.
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A year after the events in "Bison," the boys are once again in the Great Plains. Gale really wants to tell Astarion he loves him.
Series
- Part 3 of Montana
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There is a storm. It knocks two sticks loose from a tree.
Series
- Part 2 of Crack Oneshots
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As Gale climbs the Netherbrainstem to detonate his orb, he contemplates love, Magic, and his reasons for self-sacrifice.
Written as a free verse poem.
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Gale the Rabbit walks in the wood,
Wrapped tightly in his reddened hood.
Astarion the Fox will watch and wait,
Observing keenly what might sate
His growing hunger, His growing lust:
The Rabbit wrapped in cloak of rust.
But this Bunny will fight back,
And in his fight will learn he lacks
The will to fight his own dark needs,
His own twisted proclivities.Astarion interrupts Gale on his way to visit The Witch of the Woods. Cue fighting, chasing, and fucking.
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Gale is determined to bake Astarion a holiday cookie he can actually eat. Astarion gets a bit emotional about it.
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Astarion is a Walmart store greeter. Gale is the cute but annoying customer who shows up every day and talks his ear off.
Cue the old man yaoi.
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Deep in the Shadow-Cursed Lands, there is no prey. Hunger gnaws at Astarion, urging him to seek sustenance wherever he can find it. When Gale accepts his plea, Astarion can’t help but notice the wizard tastes somehow different beneath the ichor of the freshly mollified orb.
Earthy. Bestial. Primal.
Lupine.
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Gale and Astarion spend a week in a rental cabin on the prairie, dancing around both each other and their friends.
Sequel to "Bison".
Series
- Part 2 of Montana
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Gale shot him a smirk. “You’re in a bit of a killjoy mood today, huh?”
Astarion shrugged and gestured at his face. “Come kiss it better?”
Gale stood with a languid stretch that showed off the long, lean lines of their abs. Astarion’s eyes trailed down past the line of dark hair to a triple set of waistbands slung increasingly low across trim hips—the strings of a thong, the waistband of their well-worn cotton boxers, and the thick denim of Gale’s favorite JNCOs. Astarion watched the little stack of fabric shift as Gale walked closer to him, purposefully swaying their hips for Astarion’s benefit.
“Can I have a hit of that?” they asked, gesturing towards the joint with their chin.
Nodding and taking a deep drag, Astarion tipped his face up at Gale with an expectant look. Without missing a beat Gale leaned down and pressed their open mouth to Astarion’s, sucking in as Astarion blew out.
A lovely Saturday evening in which Astarion gets high and watches MTV while Gale cockwarms him.
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What is says on the tin.
AKA crack fic about Astarion wrapping Gale in bubble wrap and tucking into bed after degenerate sex.
Surprisingly sweet? What did I write.(rated mature because no sex actually takes place, I am so sorry)
Series
- Part 1 of Crack Oneshots
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The gang decides to take a thousand mile road trip in a rented van but they did not anticipate how much luggage space they would need (or, rather, how much luggage space Astarion would need). They run out of room and are one seat short.
The solution? Obvious.
Astarion will just sit on Gale's lap. It will be fine, right?
It will be fine, right??
Series
- Part 1 of Montana
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A soft sweet morning of sex in the sun, told only in monosyllabic words.
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“So then: rules. When I say ‘Star Says’, you must do whatever I say next. If I give a command without saying that phrase first, you must not do as I said. Do you understand?”
Gale nods. Easy rules—he can follow them, he is sure. “Yes, Astarion.”
Astarion looks pleased at that. It sends a warm rush through Gale’s chest.
“Good boy.”
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A few months ago, a barmaid with a side hustle in sex work called Gale "daddy" at a tavern and Astarion used it as an opportunity to seduce the man. Now, together and happy in Waterdeep, Gale still thinks about her sometimes and mentions going back to fuck her together. Astarion likes the idea, but finds himself a bit jealous when she turns out to be nothing short of a professional. Gale reassures him--quite forcibly, but Astarion isn't complaining--and he enjoys himself right alongside her instead.
Series
- Part 2 of "Daddy Kink" Dekarios
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In this tale, Gale is the former Chosen and lover of Umberlee, the Goddess of the Sea. His fall from her grace left him scarred in more ways than one.
While on a sea voyage to find answers to his curse, he unexpectedly finds himself joining the crew of the marauding Captain Astarion Ancunín, who is on a mission of his own to take on the Vampire King of the Sea: the infamous dread pirate Cazador Szarr.
Together, will they find the answers and redemption they both seek? Or will they succumb to the vicious wiles and waves of the Bitch Queen?
Or: The canon world of Faerun's Sword Coast blended with Golden Age of Piracy aesthetic. All of the BG3 companions are here, their stories shifted to better fit the setting and theme.
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Gale and Astarion are paranormal investigators sent to investigate an old farmhouse in the country. But when the ghost activity turns out to be more than they bargained for, Gale gets scared...and horny. It's all adrenaline anyway, right?
Cue them realizing their mutual feelings and having some good old fashioned "hiding out in a small space together because we're scared" sex
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“April. The barmaid? The one who decided to sit down right on top of you and whisper lewd things in your ear?” Astarion purred. He took one step towards the bed.
“You heard that?” Gale gasped. He was sweating–-whether it from the thick blanket or arousal was unclear.
“Oh I heard,” Astarion murmured, now even closer, “Yes I heard what she called you. And I heard you moan for her.”
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When a hot barmaid calls Gale "Daddy" and it causes him to have an extremely obvious reaction in front of the group, Astarion decides to use this information to his advantage while seducing our favorite salt-and-pepper wizard.Series
- Part 1 of "Daddy Kink" Dekarios
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Gale refused Mystra's offer to stabilize his orb and its arcane hunger had been growing worse by the day. When he is forced to leave his friends due to increasing liability, he is surprised to find Astarion joining him on his journey to travel to a safe plane of existence. And when the hunger of the orb reaches a fever pitch the two men discover that while the orb's typical preference is magical artefacts, it will also accept...*other* forms of payment.
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AKA I had a dumb shower thought of "Lol what if the orb accepted sexual favors instead of boots" but then it became a whole narrative with plot and angst and eventually maybe even love -
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Summary
“Clearly that battle had an arousing effect on you earlier. I was surprised at first, but considering it now it rather makes sense. I mean, there is a rush, no? A sort of throbbing ache of the heart that comes when one’s life is on the line.” He took a few slow stalking steps toward Gale who, notably, did not back down.
There was that quickened pulse. Astarion moved closer still, so close now to catching his prey. He leaned forward and smiled, knowing it meant his fangs were glinting in the torchlight.
“What I am saying, Gale of Waterdeep, is that I would very much like to fuck you.”
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Astarion had never paid much attention to Gale, but then one day during a heated street brawl Gale gets choked and has an unexpected reaction. Astarion notices and decides to explore further.