Macremae
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The following is a transcript from the cutting-room-floor-archives of the podcast, “The Children’s Fun Fact Science Corner”, taken from episode 235, “Fun With Current Events”. Some portions have been edited for clarity, or censored to maintain a PG-rating. None of the following aired publicly.
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something like love with nowhere to go by Macremae
Fandoms: Sweeney Todd - Sondheim/Wheeler
11 Jul 2023
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In which Johanna Barker cleans out her father’s room, reads a book, and writes some letters– in roughly that order.
Or: two Jews, three opinions on the man that was Benjamin Barker.
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When Jo is twelve years old, she and the rest of the soccer team crowd into a dingy but cheap ice cream shop after their first game of the season, and her eyes widen at the extra scoop of rocky road (she thinks?) the woman behind the counter gives her with a wink. It will take her another four years to realize the woman is winking at Jo’s dad, coming to the conclusion on the first day of her new summer job that she was definitely only hired to scoop ice cream for the next three months because her boss wants to fuck him.
Being sixteen, Jo has decided, sucks ass.
Snippets from a better, kinder universe in which Jo has the summer job from hell, Nellie wants to fuck Jo’s dad, and Ben Barker is a single father trying his best. He works at GreatClips.
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does it ever drive you crazy (just how fast the night changes) by Macremae
Fandoms: The Play That Goes Wrong Series - Lewis & Sayer & Shields, The Goes Wrong Show (TV 2019)
06 Dec 2022
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After lighting a cigarette and placing the lighter back on her bedside table, Molly took a crisp drag and turned to him. “So, would you like to know how many times you said my brother’s name during sex, or were you personally counting?”
Chris made a face like a man whose mediocre dinner had just been interrupted by a trip to the Hague. “Let’s talk about something else, please.”
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MONOLOGUE- After several more agonizing minutes, a man shuffles his way downstairs. There is truly no other way to appropriately react to his appearance– the bulbous red nose, the eyebags with sidecars, the greasy strings of hair swinging about his face– other than:
SPOTLIGHT- You tilt your head down slightly and stare headlong at the audience. One eyelid twitches.
MONOLOGUE- That is the ugliest necktie you have ever seen.
SPOTLIGHT- “That is the ugliest necktie I have ever seen.”
No one has asked Kim Kitsuragi a question about himself in forty-four years. Then, he starts getting a lot of them.
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newmann one-shots by emma_394, Macremae, OnyxSphinx
Fandom Artemis Fowl - Eoin Colfer, Jamestown (TV), Pacific Rim (Movies), Torchwood, Welcome to Night Vale
01 Dec 2021
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a series of unconnected Newmann one-shots
- Words:
- 220,603
- Works:
- 177
- Bookmarks:
- 19
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In which post-Uprising, Newt is handed a classroom of rapscallion murder teens with no giant monsters to murder, and is told to put that STEM teaching background to good use. Fuck you, Jake Pentecost. How's he supposed to be "hip with the youngsters" now?
(The elephant toothpaste demonstration will probably help his chances.)
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- 12
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They say recovery comes in threes. First with the mind, then the body, and finally the spirit. They also say that it cannot be found alone.
This is the story of Newton Geiszler, and the three people that help him find himself again.
- Words:
- 36,475
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- 4
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- 8
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I Keep Telling Myself, I'm Not the Desperate Type by OrYouCouldHaveMine
Fandoms: Heated Rivalry (TV)
22 Feb 2026
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Shane steps closer, standing between Ilya’s legs. “I guess that explains it, hm? You don’t have to be confident or good when you’re packing that, do you? You just let people use your big,” Shane accentuates the word by leaning down and touching Ilya’s cock for the first time, only it’s not a caress or a stroke, it’s a rude poke that makes Ilya’s cock jerk in the air, “cock, however they want to? Is that it? Just a thick, fat cock for people to ride when you get too fucking stupid to do anything else?”
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Uni AU, loser, stoner frat bro Ilya, pining after popular, jock Shane
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- Part 1 of Stoner Ilya
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- English
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Bookmarked by Macremae
25 Feb 2026
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holy matrimony by lowkey_existential_despair
Fandoms: Heated Rivalry (TV), Game Changers Series - Rachel Reid
09 Feb 2026
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There’s a sign in front of Shane. It says Welcome to Scott Hunter and Kip Grady’s Happily Ever After in a cursive font that makes Shane think of Etsy. Shane’s stomach churns. He briefly squeezes his empty ring finger. He feels, all at once, like he might cry. Instead, he swallows, and breathes, and pastes a smile on his face, and marches his ass down to Scott and Kip’s fucking wedding of the century.
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- Part 1 of two weddings and a scandal
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- English
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- 6/6
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Bookmarked by Macremae
14 Feb 2026
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Shane wakes up on Tuesday at 5:26 AM on game day in Boston, four minutes before his alarm goes off. Shane wants it to be Wednesday. But no matter what, Shane wakes up on Tuesday at 5:26 AM on game day in Boston, four minutes before his alarm goes off.
”Fuck,” he croaks. “Fuck, fuck, fuck.”
Chapter 1: Shane wakes up on the same Tuesday over and over again after leaving Rozanov in a rush. Tuesday is his second least favourite day of the week, so he's not really happy about it.
Chapter 2: Ilya notices Shane acts strangely. He just never remembers.
Series
- Part 1 of HR Time Loop
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 24,663
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- 2/2
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Bookmarked by Macremae
13 Feb 2026
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It had been a very weird day, but Shane wasn’t going to jerk off about it a second time.
- Language:
- English
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- 12,056
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- 1/1
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Bookmarked by Macremae
13 Feb 2026
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This Is the Real World, Honey, Bienvenue by falsescience (YankingAwry)
Fandoms: Heated Rivalry (TV) RPF
07 Feb 2026
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“Huddy,” he said. “Can I ask you for a very special birthday present?”
“Connie.” Connor’s lips were so pink, but the half-light out on the balcony darkened them; made them the colour they should’ve been, from all that smoking. God, Hudson wanted to kiss him so bad. “Please ask me for your very special birthday present. I will move heaven and earth. I will move the city of Beverly Hills and its entire population of purse dogs.”
“So committed.” Connor stroked at Hudson’s skin through the lace neckline of his cami. “I want you to make out with François. Just a little. As a treat, for me.”
Bookmarked by Macremae
13 Feb 2026